“I’ve been hurt in the past.”

LastRevision · 2014-02-18T19:00:18+00:00

"I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t."

Replace "nice guy" with husband and the amount of guys blindsided by this would be truly shocking.

A relationship/"I love you" is not something static; at best it is a weak verbal contract being assessed and reassessed daily, whether you are aware of that or not.

30303030303030 · 2014-02-18T19:14:49+00:00

"Other men worse than you have gotten farther with me, in less time, with less of an emotional and financial investment. But because I care more about you, I am making you jump through hoops and making you spend a greater amount of time and resources to get less far with me."

not a single wall hitting/hubby searching slut gets it

They say that shit to us and for a second they don't realize they are rubbing our faces in shit. I get to wait and prove my feelings before you put out while we both know you've been passed around like a joint between stoners? You are not like that anymore? Oh lucky fucking me.

hntr16 · 2014-02-18T20:13:25+00:00

Yeep ignore what she is saying to you. She doesn't actually love you more and she is not as attracted to you as the other guys she's laid. You're nice, polite, sensitive, letting her dominate the relationship and calling the shots, and you're not going for what you really want (ass). You give off an aura of neediness and emotional attachment. This problem never should happen in the first place if you took the correct steps in escalating and being a man. Some helpful tips for anyone who doesn't ever want this to happen.

a. You're a man and you want pussy Your actions should make this very clear. You shouldn't show fear or hesitancy. You touch her on the first date however you can, then you kiss and make-out. You make out then you touch her where ever the eff you want. If she shows LMR, you back off a little and then keep trying. If she's totally not having it and says "You're not getting sex tonight," you respond, "Oh, just give me a week's time." Then you take your coat and you bid her good night and wait for her sure-as-hell text message to meet up again later.

b. You got options and you know it. Make her know it Stop texting so much, stop calling so much, and please stop worrying about what she thinks of you. That fear is not real is will only hold you back. Know that you can pick up other women (many of which hotter, smarter, and easier to lay) than her. She is option 1 but you have a fucking menu of options. Show her through your actions that you don't need her and you're really there just to entertain yourself.

c. Be in the power position You call the shots of where you guys eat dinner. You set the time for when you meet up. If she says something out of line, call her out on it. Debate. Argue. Let her know you won't take her shit. Make her earn your affection. She should be the one eventually asking you to be her boyfriend; you will never be more emotionally invested than her and if you are, then kiss your chick goodbye.

redpillschool · 2014-02-18T18:36:03+00:00

As I've said to many a plate: Why would I pay for something you give away for free?

Archwinger · 2014-02-18T19:00:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Schipannschwahh · 2014-02-18T19:23:50+00:00

I had a scenario not quite like this one, but earlier on in the relationship she tried pulling the "well looks like I'm not giving you sex." I hadn't done anything wrong to deserve it, she just wanted to establish her vagina's authority over me. We were in a bar somewhere with friends. I responed loud enough for them to hear. "I at least still have two hands, a heart beat, and a high speed internet conection." Needless to say she was pissed. I made her authority irrelevant and established my own afterwards. That was the vital point, regardless of how words played out. We dated for over a year after than and she began to crave sex as often as I did. The point I'm making is if she steers the relationship in a way you don't like, you have to make it clear that you see it differently. If she can't meet your criteria then it won't work, plain and simple. Otherwise you'll waste time and effort for a type of relationship you didn't want. If you order a clubhouse sandwich at a restaurant and they say you can only have the tofu buger are you going to do it? Hell no! No transaction! You can't let them forget that you can walk away and for any reason you feel is suitable.

Sabarot · 2014-02-19T00:49:12+00:00

Here’s the kicker: Most women don’t know that they really mean this.

This is critical to understanding the red pill. I see a lot of people here on TRP shitting all over women for being 'conniving' and 'cunning' and all that. That may be true in certain cases (e.g. women stabbing each other in the back) but in most cases they're not going out of their way to be like that; their biochemistry guides them into patterns which these people over-rationalize as 'Women are evil' because, just like bluepill betas, they ascribe rational and measured planning and thought to every single action a woman takes.

You can't approach this from a dude's mindset. Things that men do are influenced by their neurochemistry and controlled by their will. Things that women do are influenced by their will and controlled by their neurochemistry.

pcadrian · Tue Feb 18 19:14:52 2014 UTC

I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t. They can’t. But they tell themselves that they do

They feel affection rather than sexual attraction for nice guys. Similar to how you and I can feel affection for a pet bunny or dog.

DayCount · 2014-02-18T18:15:34+00:00

Great post; calm, considered, and true.

no_game_player · 2014-02-18T21:19:37+00:00

Agree and amplify type of response seems like it might be amusing. Like, "That makes sense. I've been hurt in the past too, and I really care about you, so let's take this slow: I won't reserve my time for you, buy you anything, or lie to make you feel better about yourself. We'll work up to that gradually so that things can work out naturally."

Or something like that. I got the idea but not the expression of it...

ilike2partyhowaboutu · 2014-02-19T00:36:36+00:00

Was dating a woman a few years ago and she tried the: "I am saving sex for when we are in love"

...which I replied with a big smirk "I'm saving love till the sex.. guess we are at an impasse"

We fucked that night. Turns out I didn't love her.

RevBoni · 2014-02-18T18:57:29+00:00

But the question is, how to react to this?

James_Coook · 2014-02-19T02:57:57+00:00

Damn true,

The last girl I fell into this trap with was mid last year, normally I don't mind waiting until the 2nd date however she had dragged it out until the 5th date with "I want this to work" and "Ive been hurt in the past" comments.

Like a gump I waited partially because we got along together pretty well, also because she was a successful doctor with a mega wealthy family and super-celebrity brother, ontop of us really clicking I was fine letting things not proceed past 2nd base for the 1st 3-4 dates.

Got fed up after date #5 and stopped contacting, went on with my life and dated others.

After 2 months I got back in touch met up and fucked her that night (no dinner, date or any of the previous BS) it was incredibly easy.

The kicker ? worst sex of my life.

rp-oldgame · 2014-02-18T19:02:31+00:00

From the age of like 17 to 20 (man, 20 years ago already!) I fell into that trap several times, and man did it suck.

This post is really well written, and lays the sticky situation out and the two sides very nicely. There's another undercurrent that I'd like to add.

A woman's insecurity... It may be that she's shooting you down not only because she can, but because you haven't tried hard enough, or took LMR too seriously.

It just might be that the other guys she let fuck and chuck her powered right through that LMR and it made her feel wanted, desired, and turned on.

If you're such a nice guy that she just says "No thanks, let's take it slow" and you're response is, "Okay baby, sure thing, I understand. This is special" you just fucked up royally.

Now, you have her thinking that you have no animal passion, or that she doesn't turn you on enough for you to give it a better shot than that.

Secondly, you just said it was "special". Fuck, now she's thinking she's got you by the balls, AND that she better not fuck it up.

A better scenario is this one:

Her: "No, we can't. I've been hurt in the past, I don't want to make the same mistakes"

You: "You're right, we shouldn't be doing this, this is moving so fast it's just so crazy but I just can't help myself. You drive me fucking WILD!" (keep doing what you're doing)

At that point if you get a hard NO, stop and freezeout.

When she breaks, go in for the kill.

If she doesn't, she was never going to anyway. Stop being her time ho.

Wins all around!

FortunateBum · 2014-02-18T22:21:55+00:00

My primary advice when it comes to women: You're either fucking or you're not.

If you're not fucking, then you're not fucking.

The only question becomes, how long should I wait to fuck?

My answer is, and I know you guys probably aren't going to like this, the same day you meet. If you didn't fuck the night you met consider her a "friend", an acquaintance, whatever. It's possible you might fuck someday in the future, but this whole dating nonsense is complete bullshit.

So how many dates should you go on before you next her? I'd say one. Seems harsh, but truth be told, I have never had sex with a woman who I went out with more than once. Ever. And I'm almost 40. Usually I'm fucking her before any date. Maybe she was an acquaintance and we got to talking at a party or bar or whatever.

Dating just doesn't work. By taking her on a "date", you're already putting yourself into a horrible (beta) position which you will probably never be able to get out of.

Also, think about it. If she spends an entire night with you and you didn't fuck, how much do you think she wants to fuck you? She probably doesn't.

varisforge · 2014-02-18T20:19:16+00:00

The siren song that lures sailors into the sea, is "you are the one, only you can save me."

LostontheAverage · 2014-02-18T20:32:34+00:00

This was actually a really well written post that makes a lot of sense to a person that still hasn't swallowed either pill. Well done

mercuryg · 2014-02-19T00:26:41+00:00

God.....fucking.....damnit this hit me hard....

My unicorn did this to me, the one girl that is the reason i started looking for answers and eventually finding TRP. The one bitch that fucked me up worse than any bitch before her, the one that twirled me around her little finger so bad i didn't know what was alpha and what was beta anymore. The one bitch that turned me blue as a fucking smurf.

She did this, and i let her. She worded it differently though, she said something like "i don't know, i've done this sleeping around thing and i'm just so over it blahblahblah" among other things. Up until this exact moment i had kept my frame moderately well, if i had just kept it going for a little longer it would have happened, but then came this shit test, and i failed it badly.

redpillbanana · 2014-02-18T18:52:35+00:00

Excellent post.

Imagine a worker who has worked at some real crap companies and was abused and treated badly. Then he goes to work for a great company that treats him well. His coworkers aren't satisfied though, and convince him to go on strike. So he goes on strike, holding out for more, because he's been hurt in the past.

The company then brings in the strikebreakers.

I'm not necessarily criticizing organized labor, just using it to make an analogy. There are plenty of strikebreakers out there. In fact, there are whole countries full of strikebreakers. With their help, you can break that one-itis monopoly.

MartialWay · 2014-02-19T02:09:31+00:00

“I’ve been hurt in the past,...

This is also a common line for cult leaders and con artists. It immedidiately reframes it to a situation where YOU (not them) are being evaluated for trustworthiness. Suddenly, you have to prove yourself to them, instead of the cult leader proving his belief system to you.

Laughing_Jelly_Bean · 2014-02-18T18:56:16+00:00

I've pegged you for a chump. I don't think you have options with other women, and I don't think you're willing to walk away, so I'm going to frame this relationship on my terms.

In my experience, the women are definitely worried that you'll walk away, but that doesn't change anything. Walking away still won't get you sex. They'll call your bluff.

It's a relationship that can't work, but neither the guy or girl can see that. It's sad really, both can waste years and years of their lives on this type of thing.

nyrp · 2014-02-18T18:50:42+00:00

Straight truth. Clear and concise. Sidebar material.

thenoobtubekillboob · 2014-02-18T20:02:44+00:00

I would have to say sidebar material. This is something that every new guy must read and understand. It hits hard theoretically and practically.

Nice job, Archwinger. Keep it up.

2014-02-18T21:39:05+00:00

In other words even if they don't really rate a guy women aren't going to turn away free affection, attention and validation. Perceived flattery will keep that attention coming. "I've been hurt before" is such an elegant yet deceitful way of damning a man with faint praise yet giving him that sense he's something special.

2014-02-19T01:13:02+00:00

You can avoid this entire conversation simply by being aggressive and escalating quickly. That's what the assholes did, and it's not rocket science. It just takes a healthy amount of hedonism and not giving a fuck.

It's really that easy, folks. Being sexually aggressive shows you have options or that you don't care about rejection. It's always worked wonders for me, even without any other routine or technique.

TRPsubmitter · 2014-02-19T04:53:14+00:00

Meta comment:

This post should be sidebarred.

/u/Archwinger has a great writing style of taking benign/common things about women that people take for granted and breaking them down. Great way to ease new people into TRP.

bama79rolltide · 2014-02-18T21:37:02+00:00

This should be the preface of the Red Pill Bible.

AgentSmith27 · 2014-02-18T22:07:29+00:00

How long exactly are we talking about here? A few weeks, or a few months? I'd imagine if they are saying "I love you", a noticeable period of time has passed. That is just weird.

A lot of times in the beginning of a prospective LTR, a girl will be slow to have sex. This is an old fashioned tactic, often suggested by parents to their daughters, although its probably less and less common. Its is definitely viewed as a test, and the theory behind it is that if a guy is interested in just sex then he will leave if he has to wait. This type of tactic becomes less common the older the girl gets.

Personally, I don't have too much of a problem with the aforementioned tactic. I think that it does actually work to some degree and its not really deceptive.

However, if you are going on more than a few weeks (and you are at least in your 20's) and things haven't progressed... then clearly there is something seriously wrong there. You've passed the limit of social norms. Either she likes you, or she doesn't.

There can be a lot of reasons for this, but none of them are good. She could be using you. She could have mixed feelings or weak attraction.

She could be telling the truth and legitimately have mental hang ups and deep seeded problems, but this is really not very good either. Some of the worst relationships I've seen involved people who've been in emotionally scarring relationships in the past. It is nearly impossible to have a normal relationship if this is true.

TLDR - there can be a different approach depending on whether she wants a LTR or just sex, but its typically for younger women and shouldn't be for excessive periods of time.

molecularpanda · 2014-02-18T20:18:49+00:00

This line works only if the girl hasn't put out for anybody in the past, but then that means she has some self respect, a thing of rarity these days.

Fuck_off_Mr_Lehey · 2014-02-19T11:17:17+00:00

I wish I found this place 10 years ago...

take_it_easy_dude · 2014-02-18T21:17:23+00:00

At any point during the breakup (which I think should be inevitable), would it be ok to try and justify leaving over this? I know that you shouldn't really give a shit what she thinks, but solely for the reason of not wanting her to turn other girls away from you, could you try and dampen the impact? What I mean is, when you say that it's over, and she says something along the lines of "Oh, so you're leaving me so I won't have sex with you? What a jerk." would it ever be suitable to say "It's not that we haven't had sex. It's that you don't WANT to have sex. You're holding sex over my head like some sort of reward for jumping through your hoops, when you clearly give it away to other guys for free. You clearly aren't attracted to me, and don't respect me, so I don't see this going any further." My instinct tells me that she won't give a shit though, and this kind of explanation will just bounce off her head.

Humankeg · 2014-02-19T02:36:00+00:00

"Being stingy with affection is the opposite of love."

Yes this is the best I have heard this put. I've tried explaining to women the sentiment your post portrays but have come up short. I now have new verbal ammo for when I come across someone with this mind set.

Also I really do plan to use your quote.... A lot. Hope you don't mind.

J2Me · 2014-02-19T03:01:51+00:00

It’s a difficult truth to admit and to accept, not just for us, but for women, too. I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t. They can’t. But they tell themselves that they do, and that they’re just taking it slow to avoid getting hurt like they have in the past. Because they love him more. And if things don’t work out, he’s still a great guy – the chemistry just wasn’t there. And if they slip up and screw some hot guy from work, it was a mistake. They don’t love that guy. They love the nice guy, don’t they? They were just drunk.

This piece is absolute gold. Redpill lesson #01.

2014-02-19T03:40:19+00:00

That post was straight truth. Props.

2014-02-19T10:46:21+00:00

She wants emotional connection (love) with alpha.

She notices that after sex, alphas lose interest in her and she doesn't know why.

She's not saying to herself - "I'm gonna hook this beta loser I'm not attracted to up, I'm gonna make him fall in love with me and I'm gonna deny the shit out of him just to hurt him as much as possible.", no.She says "I'm gonna make an experiment - I will do everything as usual, except I wont have sex. Wonder how it goes.". Then she tries to make it happen. But what happens is it makes an alpha filter, where only beta unattractive guys make it through.

She doesn't even understand that there are alpha or beta guys, just on intuitive level feels it. She wants to hook alpha up for her "experiment", but she just lacks the knowledge required to figure this out and why it doesn't work.

So after her experiment proves to her, if she's smart enough to realize it at all, that it failed, she either cuts the guy who made it through her filter out or only then decides to keep him as a friend. The beta then will call her names, "bitch", etc., and creates posts like the OP blaming her for being evil. While all she wanted was to make emotional connection with alpha, but it just didn't work.

It's either neither girl, nor guy fault, or both fault, since it happens because they both don't know better.

That's why TRP teaches to avoid such traps - if the girl puts too much effort to deny sex, get out.

2014-02-18T19:23:31+00:00

So much terrible memories. When a girl Said this exact thing to me I was like "well I'm not that type of guy. I'm nice and il treat you like the beta chump I am". Wow. Thanks trp. Literally dont know how I would have gotten out of my bubble.

LordPubes · 2014-02-18T21:05:02+00:00

The cunt a women's best weapon.

2014-02-18T18:15:02+00:00

Gold. Upvote awarded.

suscitare · 2014-02-18T18:37:43+00:00

Good post. Women seriously need a good collective shaking.

Ricky_Spanissh · 2014-02-18T22:53:45+00:00

Why do you care if she allegedly loved you more than any man they’d ever had previously if she doesn't do what you want? 1) it's either a test or she's fucked in the head 2) proceed accordingly: agree and amplify or next.

Not to brag, but all the "rules" and "3 dates" stuff aside, not putting out is never even an issue - how the fuck would it happen in a real adult world? Why would you keep dating her?

mrdenver · 2014-02-18T23:02:44+00:00

This is awesome

rztzz · 2014-02-18T23:12:24+00:00

I think women genuinely are nervous about sleeping with a high quality guy. A random bartender has nothing to offer her long term, a yale educated climate researcher looks good as a husband so she'll try to withhold sex to gain his investment.

Sometimes when a girl pulls this she's just trying to scratch off her lottery number to see if she's won. Guys will fuck more girls than commit to so fucking tells them nothing.

torchbearer101 · 2014-02-19T04:28:11+00:00

I have found based on my own experiences and that of my friends, that the loner she keeps from giving the dog the bone the more emotionally attached the male becomes.

dirksqjaw · 2014-02-19T04:37:48+00:00

I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t. They can’t.

Bingo. It's an intellectual assessment, and not an emotional one. Even if her intellectual assessment leads her to an actual relationship (which includes sex), she'll move on quickly because she is an emotional creature by nature. Well done articulating that dynamic.

niceguy_gone_cad · 2014-02-19T06:55:30+00:00

If a woman mentions that's she's been with assholes in the past it means that you have to step up your asshole act if you wanna to get her in the sack.

2014-02-19T09:34:38+00:00

Decoding woman language: "hurt" or "heartbroken" means "fucked but not loved". Up to 14 years old or so "heartbroken" can mean just a date and a kiss with a very handsome guy who then leaves them. But it is ridiculous to believe that at 20 years old it is so.

Again this is one thing where movies spread false views. Movies say a 20 years old adult woman can fall in love in a few nonsexual dates and then feel totally hurt when the guy says let's just be friends. In reality it basically never happens - any guy worth falling in love with usually escalates hard, plants a flag and maybe hands out the friendzone card afterwards. At that point comes the hurt, the heartbreak "I did put out, gave it up, so why I am not rewarded with love and commitment?"

This is what it really means.

Generally fuck everything about learning relationships stuff from movies.

EricTheRedd · 2014-02-19T10:46:42+00:00

This is some Grade A, Top Choice truth right here. I fell for this shit the greater part of my adult life.

barbacoabeans · 2014-02-19T01:21:45+00:00

One time I was trying to fuck this plate for like a week straight and one time we were just chilling, watching a movie and she rolls over and says. "I like you more than most men." I smirked and said nothing, maintaining my frame. She then got a big grin and said "LEts go to the MALL tomorrow!" I just laughed and walked out the door. Never talked to her again. Got a few phone calls from her, quickly changed my number. If she's not gonna let me in her pussy I'm not letting her in my wallet. Pretty hilarious, I punched a high school kid in the knee.

Budman17r · 2014-02-18T22:15:53+00:00

Personally I've combatted this well by still escalating and touching and other things. But if there. Is no Sex I'm fine with that it becomes a game where we see who can turn on the other most. Doesn't last but two dates normally

Ua07 · 2014-02-18T23:16:48+00:00

Is this a very common issue because this has been every relationship I've had so far. Getting a bit old being called the good/nice guy just to be abandoned for the "just in it for sex" guys.

2014-02-19T00:47:28+00:00

nailed it

fletch626 · 2014-02-19T00:59:31+00:00

Have said these exact words before. So you are going to judge my relationship with you on something that happened in the past. Which I have absolutely nothing to do with. But I get punished. Every single time they realize what kind of a situation they have put me in. Destroys that barrier right away.

adamlikesprettygirls · 2014-02-19T04:47:34+00:00

Brilliant. Should go under greatest hits

2014-02-19T05:34:04+00:00

Caveat: You're already in a relationship and would like to have her as a back up. This is especially if the relationship is rocky and you want a back-up once it's finished.

bsutansalt · 2014-02-19T15:16:40+00:00

My god I wish I'd read this when I was young.

Copypasta for posterity:

I used to meet a lot of women who allegedly loved me more than any man they’d ever had previously, but went to great lengths to never, ever have sex with me. They weren’t virgins; many had quite the history with men. But I still never got anywhere. Their reasoning was grounded in woman-logic: "I've been hurt by a lot of assholes in the past, and I really care about you, so I want to do this right" or some variation of that.

If you’re a loser, upon hearing that, you’ll think to yourself, “Oh, joy! I’m totally not an asshole, and she notices that and is rewarding me with a real [non-sexual] relationship instead of a shallow one that’s going to fail! I’m so lucky! I’ll wait forever for such a wonderful person! I should find something nice to do for her right now to let her know how grateful I am!”

Here's how that woman-logic sounds to a real guy: "Other men worse than you have gotten farther with me, in less time, with less of an emotional and financial investment. But because I care more about you, I am making you jump through hoops and making you spend a greater amount of time and resources to get less far with me. Because I care more about you. What? Why are you looking at me like that? This makes perfect sense. Yes, giving less to people I care about more makes sense."

Here's what the girl really means: "I've pegged you for a chump. I don't think you have options with other women, and I don't think you're willing to walk away, so I'm going to frame this relationship on my terms. We fuck when I want to, and that's going to be after I've made you jump through a bunch of hoops to prove you're my little compliant bitch who's going to give me all the time, resources, and validation I want, at will. If you were a real man, you’d have fucked me already, but I’ve cast you for the role of bitch. I don’t care about you. I care about me. I don’t even like you. Sex is reserved for real men. You’re not a real man. You’re my bitch.”

Here’s the kicker: Most women don’t know that they really mean this. They just know that the validation feels good, and that a guy who keeps validating them without sex makes them feel powerful, happy, and better about themselves. When any woman hears the line of girl logic, “I’ve been hurt in the past,” it makes perfect sense to them – she’s screwed up by giving it up too easily before and wants to stop screwing up. By stop screwing up, they mean that she needs to do a better job of withholding sex to bait men into doing shit for her to earn it. They don’t know they mean that, but that’s what they mean.

Only in the eyes of a woman does it make sense to give less to a man that you love more. But that’s the rationalization kicking in. If a woman is giving you less, and making you do more for it, that’s the exact opposite of loving you more. Being stingy with affection is the opposite of love. Requiring an exchange of favors rather than just giving of yourself is the opposite of love.

It’s a difficult truth to admit and to accept, not just for us, but for women, too. I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t. They can’t. But they tell themselves that they do, and that they’re just taking it slow to avoid getting hurt like they have in the past. Because they love him more. And if things don’t work out, he’s still a great guy – the chemistry just wasn’t there. And if they slip up and screw some hot guy from work, it was a mistake. They don’t love that guy. They love the nice guy, don’t they? They were just drunk.

“I’ve been hurt in the past and want this to be different,” is nothing more than an insidious shit test. By complementing you, telling you that you’re different from every other guy, that you’re not an asshole or a douche, and that she loves you more than every previous man, you’re off-guard when in combination with all of that praise, she denies you sex. Because she loves you more.

roadywan · 2014-02-19T17:28:48+00:00

Here's what the girl really means: "I've pegged you for a chump. I don't think you have options with other women, and I don't think you're willing to walk away, so I'm going to frame this relationship on my terms. We fuck when I want to, and that's going to be after I've made you jump through a bunch of hoops to prove you're my little compliant bitch who's going to give me all the time, resources, and validation I want, at will. If you were a real man, you’d have fucked me already, but I’ve cast you for the role of bitch. I don’t care about you. I care about me. I don’t even like you. Sex is reserved for real men. You’re not a real man. You’re my bitch.”

Muthafuckin' Yoda

fasterfind · 2014-02-22T14:39:48+00:00

I would like an expert to break this down. You've made a lot of really really big assumptions in this post. It kind of reads like a complaint/rant.

koldkalamity · 2014-02-23T19:54:53+00:00

I've been through this EXACT shit with a woman. Thanks.

jadedspade · 2014-06-27T21:20:29+00:00

What if you're seeing a girl, she's giving you great sex, she even offers to pay for herself when you get food and even buy little things for you here and there. She's submissive to you, and you want to pursue a LTR with her, but she is hesitant to jump on board? She's also claims she was, "hurt in the past" and wants to take things slow, but she is still open to giving you sex and casually dating. What are your thoughts on that situation?

2014-08-04T15:19:41+00:00

how does the whole "only reason she's with me is for my validation and the fact that im her bitch" work if your gf is giving you sex whenever you want and your the best shes had in the sack?

ArniePalmys · 2014-02-18T19:18:58+00:00

Repeating the basics.

2014-02-18T20:28:25+00:00

There's a simple solution to this: stop dating women who use sex as a weapon. Seriously, don't let yourself become a victim.

Gfresh405 · 2014-02-18T21:04:33+00:00

Beautiful post. If I may critique, the last paragraph seems to be a bit of a run on - other than that, one of the best I've read.

Cat226 · 2014-02-19T01:27:14+00:00

I am sure there are girls like that, definitely. I've met them.

To give you an alternate perspective - as a women, I like to hold out for a little while because once you sexually bond with a person, it becomes a lot analyze the relationship critically. A LOT of women are in really abusive and horrible relationships but because they rushed into sex, they have a clouded perspective and keep fooling themselves by convincing themselves to stay in the relationship. Thats just my perspective. I know a lot of my friends who are stuck in relationships and then when they finally break free, they ask themselves "why the fuck did it take me SO long to get out of that mess!". So then next time around, they want to go and do things differently.

Don't lump all women together like that. There are a lot of amazing women who want to wait because it actually does help the relationship. They are not trying to sabotage you or put you down. You are not a bitch for being with women who want to wait either....

Maybe you have had a few bad experiences and I am sorry but there are a lot of mature women out in the world so I hope you find one :D

FortunateBum · 2014-02-18T20:51:12+00:00

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lawofmurray · 2014-02-19T02:09:35+00:00

Awful, awful post.

People make mistakes, and most people try to correct those mistakes. Isn't that the whole point of TRP? Self-improvement? When a woman confesses that she's possessed poor judgment in the past, she's probably not lying and probably isn't harboring selfish ulterior motives. Her holding back sex is probably not a sign of taking you for a ride, or thinking less of you, or planning some long con where she marries you, invests ten years of her life into your relationship, and then divorces you for your money. Needless cynicism.

This post sets out an impossibly high standard for long-term relationship material. Most girls have tried a short-term hook up at least a couple of times in their life; if she's ready to settle down and do things the traditional way, that means, by definition, you aren't getting laid with the same ease as those men who were around during periods of poor judgment. And that's a good thing! It demonstrates that she's ready to stop taking sex lightly and focus on more important things, and it demonstrates that she's grown more secure, no longer needing sex for validation.

We don't need to pretend that gold diggers and desperadoes don't exist, but we also don't need to go virgin-or-bust for LTR prospects. Women, like men, make rash decisions when they're young. And women, like men, can engage in self-improvement.

Make no mistake: there are fair concerns about a woman's history. Most here are aware of how a higher premarital sexual partner count correlates to infidelity, divorce, and lower reported marriage satisfaction down the road. A woman who has been unable to hold a steady relationship will bring up red flags, as will an older woman whose options are increasingly limited (I think you guys call it "the wall"). But none of this has anything to do with the adoption of a healthier view on sex, and a person refusing to embrace crass hedonism or feed off physical validation is a definite plus.

scazrelet · 2014-02-18T22:01:41+00:00

Or it's because women are humans and not manipulative objects with degrading agendas. Maybe she is having an honest and natural non-trusting reaction (which you can grasp with the use of the word "hurt") and the best bet is to be non-threatening but passionate, essentially making her crave sexuality. Don't kill it with kindness, kill it with sexy. The assumption that all women use sex as a weapon is fucking retarded.