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GF met her ex while I am on hokiday for a week. (self.asktrp)

submitted by bickisnotmyname

Edit:meant to say Holiday.

Hey asktrp. Played a girl for a while and thought she's actually pretty decent and decided to date exclusively. I know, I know.

Anyway, her ex has been constantly trying to get her back. She claims to love me. Info away to see my parents overseas for a week and I find out she's met her ex. I ask her about it and she says "I met an old friend for dinner". I know who her ex is, I know his name. There was no reason for her to suddenly call him an old friend, rather than by his name.

She says nothing happened. I highly doubt that.

So I guess my question is hard next?

UPDATE: HAHAHAHA Holly shit. She kept on messaging me so I said I want to see how she talks to him, to see if it was at all innocent. Then I get this shit. The messages with a thousand emojis is him. This cracked me up way too hard.

Update to "my gf met her ex while I was on holiday" https://imgur.com/gallery/7w05p

If anyone can advise me how to better format that, I'd be appreciative.

Thanks for all the kind advice guys. Much love.


[–]zuhbooze167 points168 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Next her if you respect yourself.

Stay with her if you don't.

[–]babybopp23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeap... op listen to this man, she fucked him and hamster will justify it in such that she thinks, I am not cheating because I have already fucked my ex numerous times before

[–]RP_Br350 points51 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First, she says she only met him, and then she says she went to dinner with him. Definitely some trickle truth going on here, and your hunch is biologically telling you something is up.

[–]SilverFoxMarine36 points37 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Hard next. The mere act of meeting up with her ex while you were away and telling you about it is a shittest, as well as a massive sign of disrespect. If you let this slide, then she has you in her frame. Good luck OP.

[–]bickisnotmyname33 points34 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I've already ended it. She's been trying to claw things back. Think she probably has BPD. She didn't tell me about it. She tried to obfuscate things.

Cheers pal

[–]0kool7424 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've already ended it. She's been trying to claw things back

Now that right there is what I was hoping to read. Kudos to you for making the right choice!

[–]Inchado15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Block her on everything, delete every trace of her existence in your life, talk to new women. Glad to see you had the balls to follow through, kudos.

[–]bickisnotmyname8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks pal. Peace.

[–]3chazthundergut3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is why you should never talk about this stuff with chicks.

Simply break up with her and find the next one. You'll never convince her of her wrongdoing, and getting a chick to take responsibility for her shitty behavior is like drowning a shark.

I'm glad you ended it. With your self-respect, you're gonna do great.

Good luck dude.

[–]bickisnotmyname1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks bro. Make sure to check the update to the post lol.

[–]Rares555558 points59 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve lived the same thing. However I was the ex.

Truth be told, it didn’t work out well for the guy in your place.

[–]bickisnotmyname12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hahaha love it bro. 👌

[–]justicecantakeanap11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Worked out well for the actual ex in my case (after 8 years since cheating on me with him, they married), i was in your place.

I am sorry this happened to you, but you must hard next this bitch.

[–]2SirKolbath37 points38 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

This is a deal-breaker for me, however, it's one of the things that I make clear at the outset of a long-term relationship. If a girl I have granted exclusivity to goes anywhere near an ex for any reason we are done.

I cannot tell you exactly what you should do in your exact situation because I do not know your exact situation. However, I will say that at the very least I would downgrade her to plate. The only attention she would get from me is when I want to fuck. If she doesn't like that, she is free to go and contact her ex again.

[–]RedHeMan5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This is a deal-breaker for me, however, it's one of the things that I make clear at the outset of a long-term relationship. If a girl I have granted exclusivity to goes anywhere near an ex for any reason we are done.

Do you tell her that verbatim? Wouldn't it be better to simply observe her behavior and next her if she shows to have poor boundaries regarding her ex?

[–]pisspoordecisions4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship. I don’t necessarily mean sitting her down and giving her a list of rules. But I usually let girls know if I’m not cool with things well before they have a chance to do them.

[–]RedHeMan2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How do you let them know? I've heard of some covert techniques such as making passing a comment on someone else's relationship or even something you see on TV, e.g. "I wouldn't tolerate that if I was him".

[–]askmrcia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly like that. Or if a conversation comes up in a social setting and you say it. But really it doesn't have to be saying the exact words. If she's around you enough she should be able to pick up on what things you will and won't tolerate.

In most cases guys would not be cool with their gf hanging out with their ex's. That's basically common sense. Especially if they have no connections together such as mutual friends or met together in the same volunteering organization.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck it. Being explicit has its place at times. I told my girl early on that exes are exes for a reason, and I don't contact any of mine at all.

She was RELIEVED to hear that. In no small part because the last guy she dated was close friends with all his exes, and it drove her insane.

I know, awalt, but this woman actually appears to live by the Golden rule (still, I gotta keep being Chad).

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you tell her that verbatim? Wouldn't it be better to simply observe her behavior and next her if she shows to have poor boundaries regarding her ex?

More or less. Establishing rules and ultimatums is mate guarding behavior. I'm not a third grade teacher and I'm not going to give her a list of rules and punishments to take home and have her parents sign. What I will do is talk to her. It's okay to have conversations about your relationship. About the only thing the blue pill gets right is that relationships take work. When you decide you want to be exclusive - and that means you have decided it, not her - talk to her about it. Tell her you're not keen on certain behaviors because they lead to temptation. Phaedras says further down "exes are exes for a reason". I'd use that exact line. What I typically say is, "You're with me now."

It's perfectly okay to have an honest conversation with your LTR. Be logical and not overly emotional. Remember that there is a fine line between butt hurt mate guarding and establishing a boundary. Some of the gentlemen here don't even understand that line, and the worst part about it is that it's totally different in every relationship.

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks pal. This is solid advice and I'll be following it.

[–]nofilmynofucky2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have fun getting her 'exes' sperm all over your dick whenever you fuck her

Downgrading a woman who cheats on you to plate status is some straight scarcity mentality.

Cheating = hard next, no explanation, no communication, just next.

[–]Retstortion16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s over

[–]ArticulateSavage14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP,

This is a hard next situation.

"Dear, my g/f does not meet her exs behind my back."

Then ghost. She was never yours, it was just your turn.

[–]yeahaveagoodone10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

End it now. Not only did she meet with an ex while you were on holiday, but she tried to cover it up by telling you she met an “old friend”.

Meet a nice lady while on holiday and forget the one at home.

[–]jonnyjuk8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

NEXT

[–]NewBoomAction5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Isn't there a rap one song about girls who have "a friend"? Come on, bruh. Don't get played like that.

RP that bitch.

[–]willowhawk6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're gotta get rid. She waited for you to be away to pull a shitty stunt like that.

Spend more time vetting next time!

[–]bickisnotmyname2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you. Realising I uniformed her without proper vetting. I won't commit before 6 months again, like yep preaches. U learn the hard way then u realise why this group preaches what it does.

[–]willowhawk3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Atleast you've learnt. Worst relationship I ever had at 19 taught me more about myself and how I should think about things more than any reading would do.

[–]justicecantakeanap5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ghost her hard

[–]fnordsnord 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Next.

Either ghost or just say, "We're done."

If she asks "why," tell her "you know why."

Do not explain yourself. Do not justify yourself. Do not justify.

If you do that, it gives her hamster footholds to try flip it around and make this your fault.

[–]bickisnotmyname6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fucking hell u couldn't be more correct. She's already done that, cos I justified. She's tried to make it out that I don't care about the relationship. I told her " you're the one seeing exes behind my back and hiding it, you're not acting the fucking victim cos I called you out on your shit"

[–]Yozki2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The fucking nerve on women, their brains can't even fucking fit the concept of accountability.

[–]dontgiveupcarib4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

End it

[–]IncognitoMaster912 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exit immediately. One of my ex used to meet whenever I showed her any interests. Regardless of the betta she was dating. I'd fuck her or play with her emotions and tell her I wasn't interested (I was twisted, due to all the shit she did me when we were dating).

[–]PhaedrusHunt3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sucks for you man. I've been there. You're smart to move on.

Have you met the guy? If you know him, I'd straight up ask him if he banged her.

In any case it was deceptive. My girl and I talked about it early on, being completely done with exes. I keep no contact with any of mine. Her mist recent one was texting her when we first started dating. I told her I trust she knows what to do. Mind you not trust HER but trust her intelligence to do the right thing if she gave a shit.

Gotta be careful about moving fast.

Gonna break it clean or demote?

[–]bickisnotmyname3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't know him personally. Just know his name. Tbh wether she did or didn't, it doesn't change things. Awalt after all.

Clean break. Fucking her wouldn't be ethical because she claims to still have all the same feelings and shit. She won't respond to being played and it'll just open up more bullshit than I have time for. Finding women to fuck isn't the hard part, and they will come with less emotional shit.

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Clean break. Fucking her wouldn't be ethical because she claims to still have all the same feelings and shit.

Smart man. It is difficult to do in the moment but looking back you'll be very glad you did. It is only a scarcity mindset that keeps us in those bad situations. I realize she was cool and you had fun hiking with her and stuff like that, but this is a deal-breaker. So it's good for you and that you'll find one that you like more and Vibe with more. And it's good for her in that she will hopefully realize you can't pull this kind of crap with a real man. But honestly who cares about her?

[–]bickisnotmyname2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks pal. Gives me time to focus on my climbing and my business ventures. Love the community vibe here.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trust your gut and trust internet strangers, she probably blew him.

[–]YasserZe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She had dinner with him alright , then he fucked her raw

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Demote to plate or just next. You know it yourself.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Drop her now if you already didn't.

Aint nobody got time for dat.

[–]herColdHand2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude the fact that she wasn’t truthful in calling a spade a spade is a huge red flag. She should have never seen him since he is trying to get back with her. If he wasn’t trying to get back with her I’d say maybe let it slide possibly. But no this is crossing the line. Sorry dude you have to break up with her.

[–]bickisnotmyname2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks mate. It's already over.

[–]chim_city2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Pronoun game = she thinks you are dumb and has no respect for you

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Happy cake day. What do you mean by pronoun game?

[–]chim_city0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I ask her about it and she says "I met an old friend for dinner". I know who her ex is, I know his name. There was no reason for her to suddenly call him an old friend, rather than by his name.

[–]2comment2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Become the ex she just meets for dinner.

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This made me laugh. I like it.

[–]VengefullyY0urs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Something definitely happened. If not physically then emotionally, and that is worse because a) it leads to physical, and b) it begins the emotional detachment from you and if not to him then it will probably be someone else.

Something sparked the the need to interact to hang out with him. It could be your fault and it could not be. Who knows.

[–]gradchad 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

The fuck is wrong with this retarded moron? Why does he talk that way? And she met him!!?

NEXT

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro, I wish I had answers. I have no fucking clue. He's actually pretty well off financially, so who the hell knows why he messages like that.

[–]3chazthundergut1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Trust your gut here. I can smell her stinky fish from here. If she hasn't already cheated, she is preparing to.

Your commitment is a valuable gift. Do not waste it on this gash.

Tell her you don't feel the same way about her anymore and you can no longer be her boyfriend.

Next.

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Already ended it then get the messages in the update.

[–]cdogg751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i could barely read that shit. I can't even tell who is saying what for the most part because it looks like 2 7yr olds chatting.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

http://archive.fo/FH4Jh

[–]bickisnotmyname2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you mate.

[–]quicklogaccount1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Your girlfriend:

  • Is friends with an ex;
  • Meets an ex that wants her back;
  • Hides it from you.

Stop for a second now, and think of yourself, and your experiences.

  • For each month committed in an exclusive relationship, what was the average number of women you forfeited having sex with?
  • What would be that number if you put effort and made it a priority?
  • All accounted for, how do your current girlfriend rank among the women you already dated?
  • How does she rank among the women you can date if you put effort in it?

Do you have reasons for staying with her? Is there any reason for you to remain committed with her now besides a underlying fear of not getting laid again - scarcity -? Most importantly, WAS there such a reason for starters?

So I guess my question is hard next?

In theory I believe there might be women worthy of withstanding shit like that. I've never heard of one in practice.
My price would be:

0 - Bare minimum for LTRs: Not actively seek other men, have barriers against their approach;
1 - Remarkable advantage: Being low maintenance and emotionally strong;
2 - Remarkable advantage: Engaged in either a one way open relationship or open only to women when it happened;
3 - Behavior: No nagging or fabrication of fights allowed;
4 - My own mindset: I can't be looking at her thinking of long term commitment.

[–]bickisnotmyname3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Going on the last two years, I'd average one or two new women a month without much effort. 3 to 4 if I applied myself, but tbh at the moment I've got a focus on developing a business and passive income through investments so expensive dating isn't a priority at all. I'd take random sex but focus on my own shit for a year or two. I'm not that aware of how to edit the way you did in your post, but she was cool compared to others for the most part. Far more down to earth and more into my interests like hiking and climbing than other girls have ever been. Enjoyed her company a ton, hence exclusivity after the first couple of months had passed.

I don't have a dear of not getting laid again. I know that comes pretty easily. It's more the scarcity of women I actually would want to date or have anything more with. That's pretty hard to come by. Women are plenty, but as this proves, most aren't worth dating seriously. I really like your post btw. Very well said. Thanks mate.

[–]quicklogaccount2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Those were rhetorical. lol
But anyway, these still are.

Considering your new business:

24 to 96 new women as you develop it:
How likely is it that you find a superior long term partner among these, IF you're restricting yourself to that time span? Use proportional probability for an easy guess, your current is the n-th best among all of them, make it (24 to 96)/(n.total).
Will it be enough fun, if you aren't?

After it's developed your value will raise too much, so every perspective will change positively but you can't account for how much.

Basically I think you shouldn't be committed now. Even if your chick pays my price chances are you WILL find better ones after your business is developed.
I would consider staying committed if she was thoroughly fulfilling and trustworthy enough for me to consider developing a bond, but unfortunately that's out of the table now.
You see I didn't put "rebuilding trust" on my price but rather "not needing it" in the fourth requirement. That's because rebuilding it is ridiculously hard, if possible, and I don't think a woman is worth it on herself.

[–]bickisnotmyname1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Write a book. I'm serious. I'd read that shit. Ty bro.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

She's a plate, get more and keep spinning this one. Never expect perfect behavior from anyone but yourself, and you will fuck up too.

Keep spinning this plate, let it slide and get back to working on yourself. This one is not a keeper, she lied. Spin her and enjoy her for what she is.

[–]PhaedrusHunt0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why even waste time plating a chick like this?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because banging a woman you have been banging while not giving her anything more is a reward in itself?

Why would he drop her? Sure he should end any LTR and game other women but why stop gaming this one? Just demote her and carry on.

I mean unless he can't handle the feelings end, then sure, cut it off and burn the wound shut...

But if he's not emotional about she's not a thief or a pain in the ass, she's just not worth trusting, which makes her AWALT?

So like most other women he could possibly meet even though he already understands this one pretty well?

If he has plenty of other plates already spinning, again, let her go no problem, but until he has other plates spinning, might as well continue to enjoy what he has now since he already has it.

Just my perspective. He can do whatever makes him feel best about life!

[–]PhaedrusHunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get your point but I'm not sure how old this guy is and at a certain time in your life spinning plates gets boring.

I've have plates before I've been straight up and I know they're banging other guys and I'm fine with that. Maybe there weren't as cool as this girl was but at least they weren't lying

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What the fuck is that conversation?

How old are you guys? and what the fuck beanie means?

I wouldn't even care or worry about this kind of ex lol xD

[–]McVaghunter-2 points-1 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

And of course you have no side harem because you were exclusive and loyal to this special girl.

Hard nexting her is not the problem here,you're missing the point of TRP; the real problem is that you did not build a solid soft harem, because if you did then you wouldn't have cared if one of your bitches slept with her ex. But no, you want exclusivity, love and fucking rainbows. You will never own a woman, it's just your turn.

[–]bickisnotmyname10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Chill bro. I had a harem before her and I'll get another. That's not hard to do. I'm at the age where I'd like to meet someone worth having kids with. I'd love to have kids, hence seeing if she was worth while. Lesson learned. Peace

[–]herColdHand2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re doing it right. Keep doing you.

[–]McVaghunter4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well, at least you've witnessed firsthand that AWALT. But I doubt it's her fault, there's something her ex was able to provide that you couldn't, that's why she got back to him. You need to find out what could that be.
In most cases like yours, it's always the guy's fault due to his weak Game or maybe SMV; women just react.

[–]bickisnotmyname5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well I know there's years of emotional investment, he drives a Porsche and is very well off. Better provider. Also treated her like shit in her view. Goes to show. U think I've swapped the red pill only to realise you hadn't.

[–]PhaedrusHunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But I doubt it's her fault, there's something her ex was able to provide that you couldn't, that's why she got back to him.

Not necessarily. My old chick always dated betas. She was into bondage with her ex. He was a total sub. She had literally bought a strap on to peg him with when they broke up.

Caught her sneaking around with him. It was the submissive dude that she missed, weird as it sounds.

Never EVER date chicks that try to be dominant or think being a dominatrix would fit them.

[–]herColdHand-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re dumb as hell.

[–]RAiderNat880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know what to do but you come here to ask anyway?

Ghost that bitch

[–]HistrionicMind-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'd say soft next. Maybe demote to plate if she comes back, but wear a condom.

Question: who was the one initiating the breakup between them, in the past? Her or her ex?

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She broke it off apparently. That's her side of the story, and the only side I'll hear. So who knows.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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