I know it’s damage control but as some background I’d first like to mention that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I’m not on meds for it (had a bad experience with depression meds a while back). I stopped going to therapy a while back too.
Now know that game is a skill, and I know that lifestyle and money go along with that. I really enjoy the science of making money, and the happiness I get from building good lifestyle habits, but one thing continually eats at me: the fact that I’m still a virgin at 19. I’m scared that I’ll stay a virgin for much longer. Barring the fact that I still live with my mother and older sister, the problem is that I just can’t get as psyched about getting better at game as with money and lifestyle changes. I can’t get psyched about getting good at something that I can’t entirely control. I like knowing how everything will go, so I’m bad at anything that has to do with other people unless I’m leading a group, and even then, most of my endeavors in a group...fail. I’m too nervous when driving, I’m bad at keeping people interested, I can barely even play Fortnite that well, and they all have the fact that another person is involved in common.
Give me a Sudoku or KenKen puzzle and I’ll become infatuated with it, a book by anyone from Socrates to Rollo and I can write another book about it, or a VSauce or Numberphile video and I’ll be raving about said video for days. I LOVE learning new things but not when it comes to direct interaction with others. Hell, I only have one acquaintance whom I can talk to about the shit that I like, and she’s taken by a fucking loser. Not that I wanna fuck her, I’m not into her, but I have no guy friends, and girls barely glance in my direction. I don’t go looking for attention, but if I were to try to my best bet would be to ace tests and answer all the professor’s questions. On a contradictory note: I’m even running for two different club positions just to get in there and be noticed somehow.
No matter how many IOIs I might get, it never amounts to much, and I’m a good looking dude in my opinion. I even tried Mode One with a girl at my job (before I learned not to shit where you eat) and she still flirts with me to this day but she’ll probably never actually fuck me. And before we bring up frame, I SWORE I had a chance with her. The IOIs were (and still are) pretty apparent.
The last couple of months I’ve been trying to avoid the problem by just explaining to myself that women shouldn’t be my mental point of origin. But fuck man...I’m a fucking incel, that’s at least gotta change. The hell do I do? I can’t keep stuffing the problem away.