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Stoic vs. Fun? (self.asktrp)

submitted by self-medicate

I hear a lot on TRP that a guy should be stoic to be attractive. But I’ve also heard that a guy that is fun to be around is attractive. So how does one reconcile the two?

From what I’ve understood, stoic = idgaf and fun = enjoyable to be around/happy so you can’t really be both. Am I wrong?


[–]Senior EndorsedCopperFox3c 130 points131 points  (11 children)

Years ago, this confused me too. I would be out for the first time with a new girl, and I was supposed to be kino-ing her and escalating but also cool and aloof and not showing too much interest ... what?

Over years of practice, I realized it all came down to this: you should be fun and engaging, without expecting anything in return. As long you don't come from a place of neediness, you are fine. Stoicism in that regard is really about killing your inner neediness.

Besides, those covert contacts are never a good strategy.

[–]look_good 21 points22 points  (6 children)

yep I’ve found calibrated self amusement brought me better success in all aspects of life

[–]ioncehadsexinapool 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Is there a book on that specifically?

[–]look_good 6 points7 points  (4 children)

eh, I found value in watching RSD Julien and RSD Tyler videos on youtube. I like their approach to life

Todd Valentine has good content as well, he talks ab reading social situations and the importance of knowing how to calibrate accordingly.

[–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (3 children)

what videos you like the most from Julien & Tyler? They have dozens and i like to watch them

[–]look_good 0 points1 point  (2 children)

they have tons of free long content vids on yt, check them out

[–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I know they have, i asked you which one is your favorite to recommend

[–]look_good 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they’re all good. pick ur fav click bait title

[–]markinsinz7 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I think it depends a lot on how you look. The less masculine u look the more 'stoic - seriousish' u gotta act. Atleast that's what I'm observing of the guys that are slaying. However, it's not a necessity.

This is primarily based off bar game keep in mind. I've got better more curious reactions from women when I'm faking a poker face

[–]drnaline 4 points5 points  (1 child)

She's gonna see through that. Females want to go into a range of emotions, fun brings the ladies.

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some girls have seen through it but only cause I broke frame after a while and started 'having fun' like quite a bit by teasing and laughing. Her curiosity was gone - this ain't just 1 girl it's multiple.

I strongly believe the more masculine(via size, facial features, style, anythingelse) u look the less u gotta act the part & vice versa.

It definitely comes down to the individual and such a BIG BIG part of game is how u say shit. I've discovered the more relaxed I am, more chill, asking questions with a serious face and smiling only when a joke is made are times where I get a better response.

[–]self-medicate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for explaining this

[–]AlmightyPhoenix 36 points37 points  (1 child)

stoicism - the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint

this is the actual definition... you can be a stoic and still give a fuck, it's more about not showing when something is painful, sucking it up, embracing the suck and pushing through it

you can be stoic and still be a fun person to be around, feel/display happiness, etc, the branch of stoicism would be more of a "i just got laid off at the office but instead of showing that its stressing me out ima act like its just a minor setback and push through it" thing than "idgaf" ... i also think taking advice for whats attractive in relationships on here could be a bad idea, since a lot of the stories i hear that bring people here begin with them being cheated on in a relationship... filter through the bs shoveled down your throat here

[–]Mickusey 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This exactly

No one is emotionless and the idea that that is what stoicism is comes from blatantly misunderstanding it. I’d say it’s much more about recognizing your emotions and why you feel certain ways and making sure your reactions remain measured and personal bias/context doesn’t play a role.

[–]morescoobysnacks 1 points1 points [recovered]

Stoicism is more to do with LTRs-- you shouldn't show weakness too often. It has nothing to do with attraction.

[–]Willkuer_ 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Stoicism also helps you with approaches.

[–]Derfaust 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Stoicism is about living as if you are a part of nature;

A strong part of which is accepting and acting like you are a social creature; this means having emotions and having fun, but you own your emotions, your emotions don't own you; likewise you don't let the fun own you (addiction);

but also that you understand the difference between what is in your control and what is outside of your control (as happens in nature)... and in the latter case... you just fucking roll with it like a man instead of crying about it like a child.

Girlfriend cheats on you? So fucking what. But did you die? No? Then continue living your life. Learn from your mistakes where possible.

A lot of misery arises from our expectations and many people have the expectation that they are somehow above nature and thus deserve special treatment... they cry "Why me!?" as if it is such an unusual thing that ill fate has befallen them.

Correct your expectations. Expect that you are a part of nature and that natural things will happen to you... the roller-coaster of life.

But when the bad things happen.... and they will.... you get to control how you react to them.

[–]derrtderr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Why not both?

[–]821sleepingbag 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Stoic when times are tough, fun and exciting when times are good.

[–]TheDonCap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Por que no los dos?