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Hey trp,

This past weekend I went out of town with family to the countryside without the LTR. While traveling, the LTR (of 1 year) told me her plans over the weekend consisted of visiting a friend's grad party then going home early Friday night, then doing random chores and errands the rest of the weekend. Later that night, she texts me and says she's not going to the grad party after all.

The next morning when I'm checking my social media, I see posts from mutual friends about a big Halloween party. Surprise, she's attending... She's not wearing anything slutty, but she does have her "on point" makeup done. Basically, just videos where she looks like she's having a good time, nothing alarming except for the fact she didn't tell me she was going to a huge Halloween party. We always tell each other about these kinds of things.

So I see her Sunday at my place when I get back into town and she's excited to see me, but can sense I'm weirded out about something. Just to see if she's being forthright, I ask her about her weekend. After a pregnant pause, she tells me and leaves out any mention of the party. At this point, I know something is obviously up. She starts acting a bit pensive now. I leave to take care of some errands and return later.

She returns to my place after finishing her errands, and wants to know "why I'm acting weird". I ask her if there is anything that happened this weekend she hasnt told me about. She looks deep into my eyes without changing her expression and says, "Of course not, I mainly just did chores this weekend." I then tell her that I know about the party. She reacts defensively and indignantly asks why I'm mad. Keep in mind, my tone and mannerisms have been calm this entire time. I respond by simply asking why she's lying.

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted. She swears that it was her roommate and other girl friends who dragged her out to the party when she was already in bed. She also says she was going to tell me because of this totally weird/cool thing that happened at the party.

After going back and forth with this wailing woman for a while, I ask to see her phone to check if her story adds up.

It doesnt.

She is enthusiastic about going with her friends to the party in her messages, and initiates attending. Her friends never dragged her anywhere. At this point I'm done with her and just want to rest after a very long weekend.

(A note about this group of friends: obnoxious mid 20 y.olds who I detest, all of which are single. They're sluts by any definition of the term. They're not her main group of friends, but she does hang with them from time to time and one of them is her roommate. They have a "wine night" every now and then.)

Long story short, I broke up with her Sunday night but she still stayed over insisting we're not breaking up.

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

So guys, am I overreacting? Why would she lie multiple times in a row? Side note, she had just finished her period by that Friday.

I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Update: Just found out that one of the girls she went with had sex at the party.


[–]horologist2018 322 points323 points  (33 children)

Later that night, she texts me and says she's not going to the grad party after all.

Obviously there's not much to read into here. But I find it interesting that she dropped the grad party, only to later on go to the Halloween party. My hamster is spinning with this: She obviously already knew about the Halloween party, but she didn't want you to know about it. It makes me think she's interested in someone you know, who was at that halloween party. But I'm making a huge supposition with that statement. Like I said, my hamster is spinning with this detail.

She's not wearing anything slutty, but she does have her "on point" makeup done.

Considering that most girls take a solid hour to do their "on point" makeup, this is telling enough about her excitement for this party.

Basically, just videos where she looks like she's having a good time, nothing alarming except for the fact she didn't tell me she was going to a huge Halloween party.

Could still be forgivable at this point.

she tells me and leaves out any mention of the party.

How convenient...

At this point, I know something is obviously up

Yup.

wants to know "why I'm acting weird".

She's prodding for what you know.

She reacts defensively and indignantly asks why I'm mad.

She is using Female Logic: Your PRESENT state of being mad is justification for her PAST action.

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me

Just forgot? Negative.

and that her phone was left at her place the entire night

It's 2018. Her phone was with her.

She swears that it was her roommate and other girl friends who dragged her out to the party

Which must have been why she took an hour to do her makeup.

when she was already in bed.

"I'm innocent"

She also says she was going to tell me because of this totally weird/cool thing that happened at the party.

Then why didn't she?

I ask to see her phone to check if her story adds up.

For newbie RPers: This is not okay with a plate. Totally reasonable for a LTR.

It doesnt.

Of course it doesn't.

She is enthusiastic about going with her friends to the party in her messages, and initiates attending.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Her friends never dragged her anywhere.

Clearly.

At this point I'm done with her and just want to rest after a very long weekend.

Sucks man. Sorry this happened to you. Genuinely.

Long story short, I broke up with her Sunday night but she still stayed over insisting we're not breaking up.

Trying her hardest to not be broken up with, so she can break up with you.

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

That's cool and all. But she still lied her ass off to you.

So guys, am I overreacting?

No man, you are not overreacting, not even a little. Over reacting would have been screaming/etc. You kept your cool, broke up with her for being a liar. It's simple. I am truly sorry that she turned out to be a petulant childish liar though. Way to end a weekend, ugh.

Why would she lie multiple times in a row?

Who knows? Could have been any list of reasons. Doesn't matter why she lied, it matters that she lied. Trust is gone. Cut the snake's head off here, like you did.

Side note, she had just finished her period by that Friday.

Good that this is a side note, because it doesn't matter.

Update: Just found out that one of the girls she went with had sex at the party.

Great.

You did the right thing man. Most of us here have zero tolerance for liars. Get away from this shithead immediately. She will just make your life miserable.

[–]1Shyrk 139 points140 points  (2 children)

This breakdown is absolute gold.

[–]recon_johnny 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Not bad for a "9 day old account".

[–]_Icarus_Reborn_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Probably a trp veteran, I've read some guys on here will dispose of accounts every so often just so there isn't a lot of personal details to be used for doxxing etc.

[–]Electric_head 72 points73 points  (7 children)

Thanks for the reply, your commentary matched mine step for step.

[–]cornylamygilbert 18 points19 points  (0 children)

/u/horologist2018 offers pretty sound advice and shows sincerity and genuine feedback ime

after seeing this I hope this dude comments when I'm having relationship qualms / challenges

all that being said I'm just parroting OP in that this was a quality breakdown and solid effort coming from a user of this sub

[–]Aarxnw 35 points36 points  (2 children)

I don’t have anything so in depth but just gonna +1 on the decision to break it off.

So stupid of her to ruin the relationship by lying about a party where she most likely didn’t even do anything wrong :/

Good luck for the future buddy

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

by lying about a party where she most likely didn’t even do anything wrong

You ARE the wit, aren't you!

[–]Aarxnw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I don't know this girls back story but in my life the lie is punished worse than the transgression. My wife, my kids, if you seek to deceive me it will not be good.

For future LTRs look to see how her moral character would give you clues about this. Your leadership style should highlight "I don't shoot the messenger"

Clearly this girl doubled down on the lie. This shows to her character. Look for the company she keeps, and past actions for this information. High value women will jump through hoops to show you their trustworthyness.

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (1 child)

In this situation, the biggest corrupting factor is her friends. My LTR personally has ZERO close friends, and I aim to keep it that way.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

High quality women will actively reject women they perceive as low value or that threatens their social stature.

[–]adambrukirer 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Trying her hardest to not be broken up with, so she can break up with you.

realest part of this comment

[–]Hambone_Malone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This right here. He is leaving with the higher value.

[–]Irtotallynotrobot 16 points17 points  (9 children)

So with an LTR that pulls this, How far do you demote? Is she now a plate or unfuckable?

[–]horologist2018 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Should be determined by your ability to manage emotions. If you have solid control of your emotions: No problem with staying in contact with and fucking your ex. If you are incapable of maintaining an emotional distance, though, then demote to a ghost.

[–]HurricaneHugues 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Should be determined by how much you respect yourself. Exactly whete do you draw the line? Do you have to wait for a girl to spit on your face to draw a line and cut her off completely? You guys need to respect yourselves more. Learn to cut people off from your life for good. Stop operating out of desperation of wantong pussy at any cost. Cut them off and don't give them the privilege of your attention and sex.

[–]moncojoe 1 points1 points [recovered]

The respect you are demanding is defined by you. He can respect himself and fuck her. If he wants to feel her pussy then he wants to feel her pussy. That's his choice. He doesn't have to say he accepts her appollogy. He just takes what he wants. If that's sex with her then whats wrong with that. The only thing that makes this a problem is how someone else sees his situation. It doesn't concern anybody else though. So if it makes him feel good to keep fucking her then there is absolutely no reason for him not to. All this artificial "respect" and leave with high value, I get it but in the end whatever makes you more happy.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, he cant both respect himself AND fuck her. And that's why you guys will always remain weak. Because not only do you place way too much value on pussy, but you are desperate for it. Thats why your girls will brag to their friends about not only cheating on you, but also pretending to be sorry about it, and still have access to your duck while she continues fucking other people. In the end you lose. Because you didn't have enough respect for yourself to completely cut the lying bitch off. Id you talk to her you validate her. If you put your dick in her you validate her. It shows you have no other options, no better options, and that even after what she did you still come crawling back to her.

[–]BusterVadge 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hard next. I do the same to plates that lie to me. If they're going to lie about trivial shit then they're 10x more likely to lie about serious business like STDs and shit.

[–]Sexandswishers 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Plate... you ain’t gonna marry her anyways. Doesn’t matter if she did, or dint fuck. Idk what makes a woman unfuckable, other than being fat, ugly, or a tranny 😂

[–]Irtotallynotrobot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wait, you can't fuck a tranny?

[–]RedHoodhandles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not long ago I opened a thread about exactly this. Having to demote a LTR is always a hard next break up imo.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If the sex is good, demote...BUT, use plenty of protection, and do NOT be afraid to destroy the condoms in front of her!

[–]BusterVadge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Best advice in the thread right here:

Doesn't matter why she lied, it matters that she lied. Trust is gone. Cut the snake's head off here, like you did.

[–]Smubii 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude if I ever have a situation I'll fucking pay you to break it down.
You were spot on.

[–]YetAnotherCreature 1 points1 points [recovered]

Great breakdown! Just one thing:

I ask to see her phone to check if her story adds up.

For newbie RPers: This is not okay with a plate. Totally reasonable for a LTR.

Do you mean it's okay to check your LTR's phone whenever you want, or just in critical cases like this? Because if you establish that you can read her phone, how would you respond to her probable request to be allowed to read yours as well? There's many situations like this, where I want some kind of "right" in the relationship, but I don't see how I could justify denying her the same right (and not look unreasonable), although I wouldn't want to grant her the same right.

[–]horologist2018 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depends upon the agreed upon relationship of course. I've personally always had an Open Phone Policy with any LTR I've ever been in, and they've used it to snoop through my shit; I have nothing to hide. To be fair, too, I actually don't care if a plate snoops through my phone either; whatever she finds is her own fault if she can't handle it.

Yeah what you're saying, critical cases, definitely reasonable for this type of situation.

[–]ValorElite 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Quick question: How do you confront a girl properly about a situation like this? Do you just ask questions about her weekend or bring up the problem straight up in conversation? Cheers

[–]friendandadvisor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it were me, I would have played dumb, and secretly demoted her to plate. Would have just let the relationship dwindle. Asking her shit would just cause her to lie more, and why fucking bother anyway?

I would have asked her once, what all she did, and act like I believed her. If I couldn't hide it well enough, and she asked me "why I'm acting strange" I would make up some shit like "I read something so fucking strange the other night about X, that I'm still trying to process it! Don't worry, I'll be back to normal soon, and I'll tell you about it, once I've figured it out. Now, drop your laundry!"

[–]Chargedman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" Who knows? Could have been any list of reasons. Doesn't matter why she lied, it matters that she lied. Trust is gone. Cut the snake's head off here, like you did. " Nailed it.

[–]Mildly_Sociopathic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, this post deserves a point.

[–]faustian_talos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this dude.

Dump the bitch.

[–]derrtderr 69 points70 points  (6 children)

All her friends are huge sluts but she’s the virginal princess wifey material? Cmon.

[–]AdamP00l 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Some say you're a mix of your 5 best friends. You can't be friend with sluts and pretend to be wifey material.

[–]smolzino 7 points8 points  (1 child)

There is no way that this happens. None at all. Just picture yourself with your single confident guy friends, then multiply the opportunities by 100. No way she doesn't partake.

[–]livear 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You don't become best friends with sluts unless you share some deep drama and camaraderie.

[–]SmartAdhesiveness 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she lied to you multiple times. You have to assume she was going to the party, with this group of friends, for a reason they all knew going in. You don’t owe her another word.

Also, you mention she may be good wife material... good wife material is at least five years younger than you. Mine is ten years younger. Do not compromise here.

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My LTR has zero friends. Makes me feel very safe and secure compared to relationships like OPs.

[–]spartan_samurai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right, people don't believe even if they see with their own eyes and the lie seems like the honest truth. It takes long time and experience to get unplugged and see the reality.

[–]-sho-ryu-ken- 135 points136 points  (2 children)

When they lie, there’s a reason. Guilt. Hiding. Stay with her only if you enjoy that shit.

[–]st-johnson 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good comment

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeh he needs to mooove ooooon.

It’s hard to move on from someone you have invested so much time and attention into. someone you trusted. no matter how tough you are. But yeh...this woman has proven that she is exceptional at lying and it’s obvious that she can never be trusted. Move on or live in the lie with her.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (3 children)

Ghost this lying whore. If she didn't cheat, she was definitely going to soon.

[–]izzyinjurious 15 points16 points  (1 child)

THIS. She was planning on to, since he was out of town, but no one was man enough to approach her.

Thus AWALT and

"She's not yours, it's just your turn. "

[–]trpcounsel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not hers, it's just her turn.

Provided OP has the balls not to be swayed by any of her antics about getting back together... just for her to turn around and dump him.

[–]spartan_samurai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with you.

Ship has already sailed, if OP gets back with her she gonna dump him sooner or later so she can feel powerful.

[–]CainPrice 93 points94 points  (4 children)

There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend going to a party with her friends. Nothing at all.

Which means that she had absolutely no reason to lie to you and not tell you she went to a party with her friends. Why wouldn't she just tell you she went to a party with friends and had a good time?

She didn't tell you because she didn't want you to know. If she had just innocently gone to a party with friends, with no bad intentions of any kind, just to have fun with her girls, why would she hide that from you?

She didn't tell you because she had bad intentions.

We can sit around all day wondering about her bad intentions and whether they were seriously bad or just vaguely bad, but that really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if her intentions were only slightly bad. Your girlfriend has demonstrated that she is very comfortable keeping things from you and hiding things when she doesn't think you know about them.

You've already dumped her, and that was the right choice. I guess if she keeps fucking you, go ahead and keep fucking her, but fuck other women, too. If she asks, remind her that you dumped her a week ago.

[–]NeedingAdvice86 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Which means that she had absolutely no reason to lie to you

Except look at the Op's reaction.....I am guessing that she doesn't feel comfortable in being forthright with him. I am betting that he is a drama fest himself every time that this girl goes out to anything\anywhere without him in tow. To dinner with a friend or family, visiting family on trips, grocery store.... He doesn't like her friends and likely makes another drama fest about that...and a host of other shit. He went about checking social media to see what she did while he was away and he checked with friends to se what she was up to? I am betting that he one of those cucks who believes that his girl doesn't do anything social when he is away...she should sit at home in the closet until he returns then he will escort her to the proper friends, events and parties.

Is she a slut?

Well, she does have slutty friends and all but that is still on the Op. If he can't handle a girl that has slutty friends then he shouldn't be in a LTR with one that does. You can't COMMIT\LTR to a girl who has slutty friends or acts in particular ways then demand that the girl change those things after the fact.

In fact, from the absolute worry coming from the Op, he isn't secure enough in his own value to be in an LTR at all which is what this boils down to in the end. He doesn't think that he is good enough to be with this girl and is scared shitless that she is going to leave\fuck a better dude at the first opportunity so he must keep tabs on her lest she find that better dick. If he had better self-worth then he would have gone and done his shit, the girl would be worried from his past actions and confidence to be worried that HE MIGHT FIND A GIRL and FUCK HER while he was away from her. But she isn't because he has exhibited in his behavior that she is the dominant partner in the relationship from whom he has earn the love\commitment which leads to in order to sauve his fragile ego he has decided that he must mate guard her and control her lest she figure out she can do better and find that better dick. <that is his hamstering>

I can almost guarantee that his past behavior has been so full of insecurity and dramafest that she just wanted to avoid all that shit so she kept it quiet.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Doesn’t make it right.

She’s an adult and should talk to him openly as one, or leave.

We shouldn’t give them so much leeway because of their womanly behaviors.

[–]CainPrice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's definitely possible.

Let's assume for the sake of argument that OP is an insecure whiner who gets visibly aggravated and becomes difficult to deal with every time his girlfriend goes out and has fun without him. Let's even assume that OP is so bad about this that his girlfriend has gotten to the point where she will plan to go to a party with friends, but text OP and tell him she's staying home just so he won't stress out or keep checking up on who she's with or what she's doing.

Essentially, by doing this, we're assuming OP is an undateable loser and his girlfriend is just passing time with him until she finds someone better, because no girl wants to end up long term with some controlling, insecure guy who bitches every time she goes out with friends for fear she'll cheat on him.

What does OP's girlfriend do, assuming everything I just typed above is true about OP? She secretly plans to go out to a fun party when OP is out of town, tells him she's just staying home, and lies to him about it.

Even if OP is a loser, she's not behaving like girlfriend material. She's behaving like a girl who's just passing time with her current loser boyfriend until something better comes along. Which is probably the case. Which means OP made a good move downgrading this one to casual.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm exactly the kind of guy you described. A nd I lived a similar situation in the past. I believe that your comment is being understimated here. It adds great value and it made me reflect on how much, even tho I try to externalise alphabets, I'm a beta at core. Until I start dealing with my insane fear of a abandonment and trust issues I will never be able to be in an healthy ltr. I will always lose it because of my jelousy and whinyness. Thanks for your comment mate.

[–]SandyShoes08 57 points58 points  (16 children)

You made the right decision to dump her. Either she fucked somebody or was trying to, no other reason she'd be hiding the fact that she went.

[–]ThreeEyez 24 points25 points  (2 children)

You made the right decision to dump her. Either she fucked somebody or was trying to, no other reason she'd be hiding the fact that she went.

Lol I wouldn't just jump to that conclusion bro, jesus. But she did hide the fact that she went to the party which is a red flag. Lying in general is just a red flag in general.

[–]Blackhawk2479 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Outright lying to my face is a dealbreaker for me, regardless of motive.

[–]ThreeEyez 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly. So he made the right move by setting boundaries and sticking to them by breaking up with her. But assuming she fucked someone or is trying to fuck someone will just create a toxic mindset. She lied, that’s all he needs to know.

[–]1ANGRY_ATHEIST 8 points9 points  (12 children)

Personally I would have just demoted her to a plate and started fucking other women. I wouldn't have even talked to her about it unless she brought it up -- then mention the party and watch the hamster go into overdrive.

[–]ThreeEyez 14 points15 points  (7 children)

Why demote her to a plate? Just end it completely and focus on yourself and other girls. No need to waste time with someone who is a liar. It will always cross your mind anyways.

[–]markinsinz7 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Because it's easier to get new plates when your in an ltr or already getting laid than it is when you are single.

[–]HurricaneHugues 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Desperation for pussy is what makes you a weak man. If you don't have the balls to cut off women who do not respect you, you will never stop shacking up with women who don't respect you. Even when you see the early warning signs. Respect yourself, don't be a sewage weasel and a bottom feeder who has no respect for himself.

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Fair enough but at the end of the day using the girl for sex without any emotions involved is quite easy once the ltr has a set end date

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're nit getting it. The point is that she doesn't deserve you in any way. Not your attention, not your time, and especially not your dick. Even if you don't commit, she still gets something out of it. She gets away with lying to you and disrespect you. You need to learn to respect yourself and cut these lying whores off. There ate billions of women on the planet. Learn to draw a line and respect yourself. Value your duck and your time. Don't put inside whores who lie to you and don't respect you. Stop being desperate.

They couldn't pay me enough money to even piss on my cheating ex if she was on fire.

[–]ThreeEyez 1 point2 points  (2 children)

If it’s that hard for you to get pussy I guess. Disrespect gets you cut off, but that’s just me.

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Idk if you've heard this or even whether you would believe it but applying paretos principle and even giving some leeway: about maybe 20-30%max of men that come around the manosphere from trp to pua to whatever actually get fullfilling sex lives with decent looking girls.

Idk it for certain but I'm sensing it's true to an extent.

The rest end up with a mix of things ranging from marriage and a few successful pickups and hookups.

I don't like to whine I'm out there lifting and increasing smv but let's be clear most guys don't succeed. Many times I've been told by other experienced dudes that if all u do is lift and then someday once u get jacked enough aethetically speaking go out there and expect it to be a walk in the park it's gonna be a huge surprise.

And lastly but most importantly some of us will take a long long time to reach a high smv level. Doesn't mean we can't score hot girls along the way but not consistently enough.

As for the context of the post yea ur right maintain respect but then again it's just sex....

[–]ThreeEyez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just said it yourself “it’s just sex”. So you’re going to have sex with someone who disrespects you? That reeks of weakness imo.

[–]askmrcia 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Ehhh I don't know. If I'm this situation I personally wouldn't want anything to do with her.

I'm not that desperate over pussy to keep fuckin my ex who lied to me.

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good answer

[–]ThreeEyez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Facts

[–]ProFriendZoner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My take was she went to the party looking for something better while keeping him in the stable. Demoting her to plate would allow her to do this with no guilt, not that she has any anyways, but still. So yea, dump her.

[–]KingSlapFight 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It doesn't matter if she was faithful at the party. What matters is she's lying and gaslighting you. Next.

[–]Chadster113 13 points14 points  (1 child)

You should find another plate soon if you want this break up to stick like you want it to. If you don't find a plate soon you could develop more feelings along the line. Not too many people on here are good at plating an ex.

[–]Electric_head 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good point

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Probably made the right move. Seems sus

[–]moltenw 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She could have done something and she could have done nothing at all.

It doesn't matter either way because the bottom line is - based on her actions, she doesn't respect you, and that's more than enough to end the LTR.

Good on you for ending it, it was definitely the right call.

[–]beginner_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It doesn't even matter what happened you obviously can't trust her anymore hence right decision.

[–]1UnluckyPenguin 10 points11 points  (7 children)

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted. She swears that it was her roommate and other girl friends who dragged her out to the party when she was already in bed.

Trickle truth. The more you use dread game like you did, the more truth comes out.

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

I believe you and him. She wasn't being unfaithful from what a man could see, but I guarantee she's looking to branch swing. It's too bad you gave her exactly what she wanted. Even worse, now she's the victim because you broke up with her.

So guys, am I overreacting? Why would she lie multiple times in a row? Side note, she had just finished her period by that Friday.

The only way you overreacted would have been dumping her instead of turning her into a plate. She's definitely not LTR material. Although she probably didn't physically cheat on you, but give it a month flat and I bet you that she has a new boyfriend (or emotional tampon).

[–]Electric_head 9 points10 points  (5 children)

As of now, she is refusing to accept the breakup. Lots of "I love you's" and "Do you love me's" which are ignored. She brought a bunch of treats to my house yesterday, then proceeded to fuck me despite my cool and indifferent attitude. She is in plate mode, whether she accepts it or not.

[–]ProFriendZoner 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, NO!!! You're going to find out how good of a mother she will be if you keep this up.

[–]1UnluckyPenguin 6 points7 points  (2 children)

As of now, she is refusing to accept the breakup. She brought a bunch of treats to my house yesterday...

Wow, that's makes things even more suspicious. Maybe she did something like cocaine, LSD, ecstacy, or shrooms (with a potential new guy) - and she thinks you will think less of her because of that. Regardless, she still hasn't told you why she had to lie to you about it.

[–]silan11224 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am curious, what made you come to that analysis. I am genuinely intrigued on how you picked that up from the post.

[–]1UnluckyPenguin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am curious, what made you come to that analysis.

I've lived long enough and seen enough human interactions and their outcomes to recognize that sometimes people lie not because they know what they did was wrong, but because they don't want to be judged for potentially having done wrong.

Part of TRP is learning not to give a fuck, because honestly nobody cares, and you shouldn't hang out with the people who do.

Lastly, maybe she just drank alcohol around guys who she would consider upgrades but are out of her league. People enjoy their privacy. For example, I bet the boyfriend in this story would lie too if the roles were reversed, out of embarrassment - not because he did anything wrong. Make sense?

[–]Russian_Bot_737 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be a man and cut her off.

[–]Eldudearino89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 weeks man 2 weeks

[–]Electric_head 22 points23 points  (15 children)

Thanks for the replies, guys. Sometimes all of us need a form of reinforcement for tough decisions.

This sucks because I thought she would have been a wonderful wife and mother. She is intelligent, makes good money in a feminine industry, and is nurturing. Along with all those things, she is a liar.

The most confusing part of this is that the LTR seemed fine. Lots of sex that's kept up with the pace of a year long relationship, productive weekends together, etc... It still seemed fresh.

I consider myself lucky for this episode to have happened. I can see the gut-churning reality that would've been my life had I continued with the LTR and married this woman.

She is still pretending Sunday night never happened. I am ignoring her "I love you's", and treating her like a plate.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime 28 points29 points  (8 children)

I take a slightly different stance on it, people here get so caught up with labels. Fuck, I've been seeing and doing shit with girls for years without labels, human minds function better when we compartmentalise things into neat little boxes, but the reality you need to look at, regardless of what you call it, is the relationship serving you.

Is her presence adding value to your life. I do what I need to do, and it usually yields a loving, sweet, caring partner. I don't ask her what she does when I'm not with her, she could be fucking her neighbor right now, I truly wouldn't know, more than likely she's prob doing some useless shit, I'm not gonna waste my time stressing about it though.

What I do know is that she treats me like a king. If she's treating me like a king ,it's because she loves me, and if she loves me it's because she knows she's got a catch, and when a woman's got a catch she's gonna try not fuck it up. And if she doesn't treat me like a king or fucks it up I'll just leave her.

I'm not going to marry her, fuck I'm almost certain this relationship will end, I'm just not sure when, but while it's good for me I'll stay in it and enjoy it. It's good while it's good until it's not. The fact that she did this is certainly a problem. The fact that you confronted her is a bigger problem. This is the first sign of it not being good anymore, so naturally you should just pull back(soft next), either she comes right or it ends, simple

Has she been treating you like shit prior to this? Or showing any signs of disinterest? That's for you to answer, behavior like this is seldomn an isolated incident. If the answer is yes the writing is on the wall and it's time to pull out.

But if all other signs about her presence in your life are possitive and she adds value to your life and this is her first misdemeanor then a simple soft next will do with a hard next if it ever happens again. Withdraw attention and live your life for the next few days as if she doesn't exist and if some other information comes to light that she was being unfaithful or even disrespectingly flirty then you gotta end it.

Otherwise keep enjoying what serves you, while it serves, until it stops serving you and forget about the rigid rules.

[–]Electric_head 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Another great response. Thanks.

[–]silan11224 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Such a great answer, would you care to elaborate on some points for me I think I can learn a lot from you!

The fact that you confronted her is a bigger problem. This is the first sign of it not being good anymore, so naturally you should just pull back(soft next), either she comes right or it ends, simple

I can see this working well on paper for me but idk how I would actually carry that out. A soft next without any confrontation or reason for would just seems passive aggressive. I don't see how you can dread game her without making her regret her actions. If you are passive aggressive won't she just think you are having a bad day or being a little bitch? How can you make her regret her actions when she does not even know that her actions caused your soft next in the first place?

[–]Operator_Axiom 1 point2 points  (2 children)

When you soft next her without the confrontation her hamster will begin going wild. At first she might think you're having a bad day or being a little bitch but that shouldn't matter to you because she is a 'next' so let her think what she wants. When it's apparent to her that you are withdrawing from her she is going to wonder what she did wrong or how much you know. If she knows you at all, and if you are in a LTR she SHOULD know you well enough, she is going to wonder what and how much you know. At that point she will either come clean or she will leave. If she comes clean then you can discuss and make your decision then. If she leaves then it doesn't matter because she was no longer important to you.

This actually does work dread into a woman who wants to be with you. She knows something is wrong and that she is likely losing you. If she doesn't want that then she is going come clean on something and up her game in an effort to keep you. The punishment or "making her regret" comes from the simple fact that she lost affection, sex, your attention (which she wants) and she also knows you will walk with, what will appear to her, relative ease.

If she leaves then it doesn't matter because you were already nexting her and are unaffected by her being gone.

[–]genesh1121 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yea I can totally see the hamster spinning in her head now that I think about it.

What if she tries the third option; trying to figure out how much you know?

Also how can you figure out that she has come clean if you do not know the true story behind why she lied? There is a probability she was trying to branch swing, hang out with her friends, get a ONS in or any other possibility. How can I be sure that she has told me the truth when I do not know what the truth is?

[–]Operator_Axiom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can treat it like any other shit test and see what happens. Just don't play it for to long or she will know you got nothing or very little. Continue to soft next her and see her reactions and trust your gut.

Honestly you won't ever know if you got the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You just need to decide if you can live with what you've gotten. If you can then drop it and don't drive yourself crazy. If you can't then drop it and her in status. If you push and push then you are going to make yourself look bad in her eyes. It becomes a lose/lose situation. You need to decide where your drama line is and how much you want to deal with.

But if you have something that you consider damning and an issue that she knows is an issue with you and she refuses to admit to it or won't admit to it until you say exactly what it is then judge it as a lie by omission and go from there. Some people can let little lies slide while others don't tolerate any kind of lie. IMO and from my experience the little lie will eventually become a big lie and lies of omission are never innocent. So I end the relationship at that point or at the very least demote to plate.

I can tell you she will NEVER tell you a truth that is going to make her look bad. IE looking for a ONS or someone better. Always remember AWALT and trust your gut. The second you start to believe she isn't like that or she wouldn't do that to you is the second she will make a chump out of you.

[–]Hambone_Malone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In this case he confronted her about her lying. He's responding to the OP. It is always useful to discuss your grievance so that they know and they can either correct themselves or you can move on with them knowing exactly what they did and there's no bullshit guessing games.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A soft next without any confrontation or reason for would just seems passive aggressive.

she does not even know that her actions caused your soft next in the first place?

Not at all, you genuinely just go about your life as If she doesn't exist, you go do other shit. You don't contact her. When she contacts you, you take hours/days to respond (because you're doing other shit). When you do respond, it's friendly but not intimate, as If nothings wrong.

She'll ask if there's something wrong, don't ever tell her, trust me she knows, her hamster is spinning at 300RPM at this point, it'll land on the right answer. Woman know what they're doing. A woman who is smitten with her high value man will do nothing to endanger it. I'm happy with her if she's not endangering it. If she does do something untoward, trust me she knows she's pushing the boundaries. Me distancing myself from that behavior is her cue that it's dangerous.

The distance between you will get her feeling like she's losing you, which will kick her into high gear. The worst thing for a woman is losing a high value man. If your value is in the shitter, none of this will work, she'll simply enjoy the space away from you and use it for herself. Confronting it simply shows I need her, which I really don't.

My soft nexts are actually genuine. I'm not here to teach her how to be an LTR partner, thats what vetting is for. If i chose her its because she's really fucking proved it, and already knows how to do it. If she starts proving to me that I made a mistake then I fucked up and im out. Not immediately but this is the first strike. I have a great single life that I could be having, instead I'm being with her.

[–]z2a1-9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great take and response.

[–]kellykebab 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'd just discard her completely. Plating someone you had been hoping to be a mother to your kids is just going to be confusing for both of you. Plenty of fish in the sea...

[–]Nergaal 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Before dropping her completely ask her again what happened at the party, with the implied promise that you reward honesty. Let her spill out her beans. If she does, you have a great reason to dump her. If she doesn't, you have a great reason to dump her.

Don't let her back in.

[–]BurnieSlander 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m curious about the trickle truth here.. She is hiding something. She either banged Chad or had a very specific intention to attempt banging a very specific Chad. Makes no sense why she would tell you about going to one party and not another.

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, CUT HER OFF. If you have any self respect, CUT HER OFF. Dont let pussy influence your decisions. Think with your brain, not your dick

[–]Russian_Bot_737 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are the sum of your 5 closest friends. Keep that in mind next time you try to date a woman. I don't associate with women who associate with whores.

[–]3chazthundergut 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Understand that chicks love this stuff.

She loves that you were thinking about her and checking up on her on social media.

She loves knowing how much it bothers you to see her all made up at a party with other guys around.

She loves the drama. Even if she is crying and you are shouting, she fucking loves it

And no, you aren't overreacting. Her going to the party isn't the problem. Her lying to you/ being deceptive is the problem.

You said you broke up with her but she insisted you weren't gonna break up. Good. You have the power. Chicks will very rarely leave a guy who wants to break up. They want to be the one to walk away.

So tell her that her lying/ deception is a deal breaker for you. But if she wants another chance she will need to prove her loyalty to you

"How can I prove my loyalty?"

This is how you get your ass licked. This is how you get threesomes. Don't be afraid to make demands- she wants you to take the lead and punish her. She wants to know that you aren't fucking around. You aren't afraid to walk away or be an asshole.

So tell her shes gotta suck a whole lotta dick and lick your ass. And if she doesn't want to, put her shit in a box and send that goofy bitch home.

[–]Electric_head 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I was briefly playing around with that idea in my head, using my current power position as leverage to play out usually taboo fantasies...

Pretty sure I can get a threesome going at the very least.

Good comment.

[–]3chazthundergut 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Do it.

She may kick and scream, but on the inside she will respect you for it. Respect you for putting your own happiness above hers, and respect you for not letting her shitty behavior just slide without consequences. It can't be a bluff though- you really do need to be willing to walk away.

Also, don't forget that chicks are horny sluts. All of them. She wants to be a freak. But if there is social pressure on you not to want those things, imagine the social pressure on her not to appear slutty. So she wants you to "force her hand" so that her hamster has a scapegoat.

The worst case scenario is she freaks out and walks away. Good. You got rid of a lying, deceptive bitch. And you get to go to the dealership and get a younger, hotter model.

Best case? You get a threesome, and you regain your woman's respect.

[–]silan11224 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This makes so much sense!

What demands would you make other than a threesome, I don't think I can pull that one off.

[–]3chazthundergut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Blowjobs. Better and more blowjobs. Make her swallow if she doesn't already. Make her lick your asshole. Make her come cook for you or clean your house naked.

[–]shredzro 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You already know the answer to this OP. But I understand that sometimes we need to hear it from someone else. First off no woman alive leaves their phone home. Not only is it unsafe for a woman to leave her phone while going out, it just doesn’t happen. Hell, MEN don’t even leave their phones home.

Second, she may have not done anything. She may have not cheated. But she lied. If you stick with her you are saying “I am okay with being lied too.” RP is about men living the way they want. So if that’s how you want to live then so be it.

Leave. Go no contact. She’ll tell her friends you’re a dick. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. At most just say “she lied and I don’t tolerate being lied too.” THATS all. Move on, my friend. It’s over.

[–]RemyBucksington 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good shit. Hold your ground and dump her.

[–]Tiway22 3 points4 points  (3 children)

You absolutely made the right choice. You cannot stay with this woman. If she will lie about attending parties, for whatever reason, the trust is gone.

You will always wonder if she’s being truthful, or faithful, and that’s poison to an LTR that will kill your relationship slowly.

Save yourself the future heartache and rip this lying bitch off like a bandaid.

[–]Electric_head 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Definitely. At the very least in a LTR, I would like to be able to go out of town and not have to worry about my chick.

[–]Tiway22 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yep, the worry is not a good feeling. We’ve all been there.

[–]henry589 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can trust your ltr but you should also trust her to be a woman...

[–]mr_lucky19 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Do you really need some one to spell it out for you?? Demote to plate if you still want her around but I'd advise against it. Your gut feeling was right! Stick with it, why date a woman that has no problems lying to you.

[–]ProFriendZoner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he does. That's why he's here. Maybe just writing it all down helped him sort it out and realize what's going on. Maybe he sees it through the Beta Blue glasses. Maybe he needs validation for his actions. Maybe he's upset because he sees the writing on the wall or whatever.

We all came here because we had or still have no idea wtf we are doing and needed the learnings, guidance, reassurance, or validation to our ideas or situations.

As for demoting her to plate. I disagree with. She's looking to branch swing and she's keeping him in the stable so this fits right into her plans. Dumping her, In my opinion, was the right thing to do.

As for your question of Why date a woman that has no problems lying to you? That is spot on and could probably answer half the questions on this sub.

[–]actanonverbal 4 points5 points  (5 children)

How stupid is she, why not just tell you about the party which in itself isn’t a problem haha

[–]Electric_head 4 points5 points  (3 children)

That's the original conundrum. She's not a stupid girl. So why not tell me? Something is being hidden. Hence the breakup.

[–]actanonverbal 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Indeed and she is incredibly bad at hiding it

[–]Electric_head 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That's right. It's the part that confuses me the most. Did she really think I wouldn't see her on social media or eventually hear about her attending this huge party? I know half of the people there!

[–]actanonverbal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it sounds weird. Anyhow, just next her, she wasn’t worthy of you

[–]NeedingAdvice86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am betting to avoid Op's dramafest...likely because he has always in the past been fucking a bitch about where she went, who she talked to, why did she look at the bartender 30sec too long, he didn't like her friends and loads of other shit.

Honestly I am willing to bet she had no intention to fuck another dude but wanted to go to a Halloween party but knew that the Op didn't like her friends and was asper about her going to parties without him, so she lied to avoid the dramafest again.

[–]DVidojkovic 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Since I'm still a beginner don't take my words for granted.

TRP is against social media because it causes a lot of drama, it helped you in a way here, but you shouldn't be that invested in anything that doesn't revolve around improving yourself - LTR is excluded.

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted.

She didn't know how to get you to be pitiful so she cried - classic girly drama. Soft nexting was an option - different soft next from TRP's one. (When a man removes a woman from his life for a short period of time, usually three to seven days, during which he completely ignores all communication from her, because of drama she gave him. At the end of the soft next, the relationship resumes as normal. Soft nexting is one of the most effective tools in a man’s relationship arsenal. Soft nexting is impossible to use on a woman you live with.)

You don't need to mateguard nor check her phone to confirm a belief of yours or to confirm something she said. As you said, she had her make-up on point, but she told you that her friends dragged her out of her bed, which is a clear lie that you could've realized without the need of checking her phone.

You gave her so much attention and of course she used it against you, hence the reason so many people are against LTRs. You can see it even after the break up; you contacted a trusted source to confirm whether or not she cheated on you during the party. You don't need to know because you're not together anymore and there's no need to feed her more attention, whether it's directly or indirectly.

To answer your questions:

am I overreacting?

That's for you to decide.

Why would she lie multiple times in a row?

We're not your ex-girlfriend so you can get the only real answer from her(not necessary to do though). But it could've been because first she told you she wasn't going to one party, but instead went to another without notifying you(which isn't necessary to do btw). So she tried covering up about going to another party so you don't think that she's got something planned for that night.

Her friends were a red flag from the start. What would a "normal" girl be doing with a whole lotta hoes and skanks that have no motivation in life, but to boast about the time they got drunk as fuck and had speed all up in their nose.

[–]Electric_head 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good post, thanks.

[–]CalvinRichland 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good call.

[–]kellykebab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

because of this totally weird/cool thing that happened at the party

Wonder what that could be?

Seriously, you made the right call. The repeated lying is bad enough, regardless of what she did or didn't do.

[–]AwakenedSovereign 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dump or silently demote after the 1st lie. You made the right call.

[–]verily_rp 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You made the right decision to break up with her. She didn’t fuck this guy she wanted because her friend got to him first. That’s why she wasn’t unfaithful that night.

In any case, she wasn’t ever going to tell you about it. She lied to you not once but TWICE. In fact, if she felt any true guilt she would have confessed about why she lied to you and made herself vulnerable and receptive. But instead she tried to manipulate you for sympathy (breaking down, crying) and gaslighting you (why are you so mad??). This was about power to her. It probably hurts to hear if you're still slightly bluepilled, but that’s how women simply are when they choose instinct/hypergamy over their better judgement and rationality.

More likely than not she was looking to branch swing, but you pulled the rug right under her and so now that she has her feet wet, she’s shamelessly trying to win you back. But even if you would, she’ll just end up losing respect and and even if she won’t she’ll just look for a way to end the relationship on her terms by dumping you.

You made a good call. Your gut was right on target. Always listen to it, but don’t overthink it and start having doubts either. The best thing you can do in these sorts of situations are making your thoughts externally so you can see how sane they are. List what you know, and what you don’t know, and look at it rationally. Are there inconsistencies? How likely are they to be coincidences? And feel free to reach out for help. You likely won’t need to if you’re honest to yourself though.

[–]Electric_head 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good post, just one correction: The guy who fucked one of the girls she went with (this girl in particular is not really her friend, more of an acquaintance) I know fairly well. He is nowhere near her league in terms of attraction. You might be right about another man at the party, but not this guy.

[–]2SirKolbath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She lied to you. It’s done. Next! And she does not get to tell you that you are not breaking up. That is your call, not hers. The very fact that she said such a ridiculous thing means that she is trying to control you.

You have two choices and exactly two.

One: You accept her apology and take her back, in which case she will never respect you again and slowly begin to cuck you in other aspects of your life.

Two: Nut up and pitch the bitch. In a situation such as this, she won’t even get closure. She gets ghosted. No contact on any platform. Return any belongings you have of hers and consider anything she has of yours to be lost.

She lied. The end.

[–]Cold_Blueberry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

On one hand, it's probably a bad sign she lied. On the other hand, if you break up with every girl who lies to you, you'll never have a relationship that lasts more than a few months.

[–]macheagle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, OP. I had almost the exact same scenario happen to me with an ex of one year. I was on a business trip (at the time, still in my 20’s) and she said she would do chores and sleep in early on a Friday night. Turns out it was a party. Found out on social media and one of the club’s owners happened to be a friend of mine. Later on found out her ex was at the party also.

I contacted my owner friend at the club and actually requested to see security footage. Nothing happened on camera, and at the time I was not yet RP and forgave.

Then the real nightmares happened - because I forgave, she knew I could tolerate her behaviors. It was another way of me saying what she did was OK. So over the following year, more of the same patterns actually emerged and they were just harder to detect because she was more careful than ever before.

I’m glad I’m out of that mess. These small lies are often early signs of their long term behavior and also tells you something about their core values and principles. I’d suggest moving on and don’t look back - it’s not worth it. Plenty of fishes in the sea, brother. Take care man.

[–]Aesthetic_God__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update us. Send me the update in a message.

[–]Shirye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Downgrade to plate status or next. You cannot trust a person that lies about things that they didn't even have to lie about. To me, it seem like she was ready to cheat if it came down to it, but ended up not doing it- the lie was for just incase she did.

[–]redditaccountiuse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough to read man. I generally agree with the replies on here. At the same time I wonder if any woman will act perfectly and not make these mistakes. I’m 30 now and doubtful such a thing exists. I had an experience like this but not as bad with current gf. Ultimately went against my brain and gave her another chance but have made it clear it’s over if more happens. In my case she didn’t outright lie like your gf, more was slow to tell me what happened.

[–]SoulRedemption 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its odd how she lied knowing full well the photos would be on social media.

Anywho, I resonate pretty much with everyone saying you did the right thing. Do not get back together unless you want suspicion hanging on your mind everyday.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The most damning piece of evidence here is the simple statement she made...that she left her phone at home. Not these days, not a woman. As if.

[–]SalporinRP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted.

Lol. No girl in 2018 is leaving their phone at home when they go to a party. To women if snapstories/pictures aren't posted then the party didn't happen.

[–]ChadFromColumbus 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You did the right thing. How many times did she lie directly to your face? Exactly.

She had no reason to lie unless she had bad intent at the party. I’m guessing she wanted to show off for an ex or some Chad that was there, but it doesn’t matter. This girl is an idiot.

[–]Electric_head 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 lies of omission, 2 outright lies straight up eye to eye

[–]newbie3hunna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just let her cheat.

[–]HurricaneHugues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth."

Never do weak shit like this. What if he was the one who fucked her? You think he would tell you? Never ask other people to give you reports on what your girl is doing or has done. Your LTR already revelaed herself.

Your LTR already gave you more than enough reasons not to stay committed to her. First she dodged every chance she had to admit to attending the party, then she blames everything but herself as to why she never told you, then she lied about nevet wanting to go to the party when in fact she was very enthusiastic about it, and finally she resorted to the classic female tactic of emotional terrorism by crying about it all as if she's a victim in all this with the hope of using your emotions against you.

Birds of a feather fuck together. The company she keeps tells you who she is. And when people show you who they really are, you should believe them. My advice to you is to next her for all her lies and attempts at emotional manipulation, but I know you're not gonna do that and instead you will keep contact with her in hopes that you can "plate" her even though she doesn't respect you.

[–]knrddk 1 points1 points [recovered]

Did she eventually explain what weird happened at the party?

[–]Electric_head 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, one of her acquaintances she went to the party with (I can't say they're actual friends) fucking a guy I know at the party.

[–]1319Skew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did right. Trust your gut. If she can't be trusted then you have no future with her.

There will be others.

Also is 1 year a LTR now? I take at least 3-6 months to vet a FWB or a plate to even make them a gf.

Christ, I have a plate that hasn't even seen the inside of my home and it's been almost 2.5 months.

[–]Sexandswishers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wtf? Hahaahha 🤣

[–]throwitdownman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

List of things she did: 1. Gaslighted you. She thought she could get away with it. 2. Lied. No respect. 3. Did not bring phone to a high alcohol setting. Zero awareness. 4. Blames friends. No accountability.

Reading this post made my stomach turn. Next her, seek out a partner who fits your criteria. She still wants you to still commit? Too bad. Prioritise your own feelings, not hers. You want a GF, not a hoe. Somethings gotta give and it shouldn’t be you.

[–]RPAlternate42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't need to read this; the title has the important information.

She lied.

And that's all I need. She lied about this. Lying is deception. What other deceptions is she doing?

My dad ended his marriage immediately upon learning that his wife was having lunch with a man she explicitly said she wasn't.

"I'm getting Divorced."

"Again? What happened?

"She lied."

"Sounds right."

Then he related his story.

If you tolerate lying, then she assumes lying is okay.

[–]RedHoodhandles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I have nothing to add here because basically everything has been said, let me tell you just this:

You did great. From start to finish. Interrogation skills on point as well. It always amazes me how women are able to look you straight in the eyes and lie to the man they supposedly love.

Well done.

[–]Bedtimeshine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She lied to your face. It’s over. Period. Not to mention... there’s a reason she lied. Stop being soft. Cut her off.

[–]CocoaPill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have trust issues and are jealous then she will hide stuff from you because she doesn't want to feel guilty when she is having a nice time without you.

Likely she did nothing wrong at the party and if you broke up just because of this one incident then you clearly overreacted. Going through her phone is over the top, clearly jealous and controlling behaviour.

Cheating most times is a self-fulfilling prophecy - accuse your girl of having cheated on you and she will fuck someone else just to make it a reality. Plus, cheating is part of any relationship so you better get used to the idea that your girl will get fucked by someone else while you two are together. It's just part of life.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: Just found out that one of the girls she went with had sex at the party.

OK, that makes at least 2 women that had sex at the party. Any others??

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

OK, at least we know whom she fucked. Do you really think that he kept such a close eye on her to give you a fair accounting? If so, wtf was he keeping such a close eye on her???

Dude...you did the right thing in dumping her.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Friend WAS watching her all night. Maybe not fucking her, maybe not being too odious, but, of course, a woman knows when a friend of her LTR is watching her. OK, so, she either fucked him, or somebody else. BUT, she didn't do it at the party.

  2. She even told the Chad "Listen, I'll meet you at X, after the party. LTR's homie has been watching me all night, so, you go one way, I'll go another, and meet you at the dumpster!"

OOOOOORRRRR:

3. She left with her friends, and at the afterparty, fucked one or several of the Chads there. Maybe pulled a train, maybe did multiples with her girls. MFM, FMF, FFF, etc...

IOW, your friend's assessment is worthless to you.

[–]bob13bob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

both of you fucked up.

you're being over controlling and obsessive. Being so jealous makes you look weak and insecure. She perhaps knows this and was try to avoid confrontation by lying to you (she fucked up).

Depending on the relationship and what you want, i would consider keeping it going. don't go through life unwilling to take risks/get hurt.

[–]AlfredKinsey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope you've kept her away and stuck with the breakup, dood. Something is obviously up and this is not a trustworthy woman.

[–]joeswo214 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Sounds like she is scared to tell you about going to a party. She is a young girl and needs freedom to do these things if she is to be "yours". Make sure you let her know she can do as she pleases.

[–]Electric_head 5 points6 points  (1 child)

When she was crying, she swore never to hang out with that group of people anymore. I told her I didn't care and it was no longer my business who she hangs out with.

[–]joeswo214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well you can never take anything a woman says seriously, especially an emotional girl that's proven to lie. All I will say is that's a huge red flag for me.

[–]NeedingAdvice86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This....betting that the Op is a always a dramafest about her when she is away, knows that he doesn't like her friends...so to avoid the dramafest she just didn't say anything.

Yeah, there is some backstory why she wouldn't just say "hey, going to this party while you are away" which the Op is leaving out because he likely doesn't realize how insecure and controlling he has been about her activity when she is out of his sight.

[–]The__Tren__Train -1 points0 points  (0 children)

who cares what she did?

she's a plate. as long as ur getting sex during the best years of her life, and ur not getting STD's, it doesn't matter what she does