Is it normal to want to isolate yourself and "start over" after getting RP'ed? (self.asktrp)
submitted 7 months ago by fade2clear
Maybe it's just negative thinking, but after seeing the true nature of people, I find myself getting more distant. Almost to the point where I want to move far away and just start over with life, and have limited contact with people I know now.
I have a lot of good friends, but I don't see them in the same light anymore. I just see how selfish people are or can be.
It makes it harder to deal with after being an overweight beta loser, and now people are watching you kill it. I still don't feel like the respect is there, and they seem to look down on you for changing so much(crab mentality). I've never been called out, but I pick up on those vibes constantly. Although some people have been very encouraging.
I just feel like I'm burned out on everything and everybody in my life at the moment. Just wondering if this is a passing phase of TRP...it makes me feel like I have a bad outlook and attitude on life, but at the same time realistic.
[–]Classy_Amir 87 points88 points89 points 7 months ago (6 children)
It is a phase I experienced. Not gonna lie and say it'll be like before. But you'll learn to live with what you feel. Maybe go monk for a month or two, and then get back in the game.
[–]fade2clear 1 points1 points1 points 7 months ago [recovered]
I was wondering if it was depression, or just wisdom. Feels like a mixture of both. I always valued close relationships but now it seems so hard to maintain those.
[–]cant__find__username 32 points33 points34 points 7 months ago (3 children)
Once I went RP, majority of my friends appeared to be BP. Ive lost my close relationships with them which led me to depression I would say.
I tried going back, but I cant help it but to recognize their BP behavior. Depression has set in, but Im too hungry for success to care about this lonely life. Weekends suck, but learning to go out alone now.
At the end TRP states: friends are really there because we benefit of each others existence. Really if you notice once someone has no use for you they are meaningless. It’s the same the other way around. Im sure you have people that you were friends with and use to talk to often, whom you dont talk with anymore. This example is very observable in the real world. High school to college, college to first career location, then marriage. Prime example why most people just end up hanging out with co workers by the time they are 40. Maybe 1 or 2 highschool/college friends out of the god knows how many they met.
Depression still is in it for me, but logic overrides it. I honestly rather be alone at a bar than with my BP friends who do some cringe worthy shit.
[–]Angelrun 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
This 1000000% me
[–]Idontgetitboyz 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
"I honestly rather be alone at a bar than with my BP friends who do some cringe worthy shit". Me whenever I night game. I tried gaming with my bp friends, just using them as social proof, because I thought people find being alone cringy, but had minimum results. So I was not satisfied and went alone. Results skyrocketed and honestly I never went back. I always go alone and really enjoy it and have a great time + minimum a k-close and number. Ocasionally I would let some friends come with me which are willing to be open minded.
[–]muddynips 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Probably both. Your mind will keep searching for alternative solutions, and you'll keep going back the same cold realization. It takes a long time for the cognitive dissonance to fade and the mindset to become comfortable.
[–]SkankHuntL89 26 points27 points28 points 7 months ago (1 child)
Every relationship you’ve ever had has been based on some kind of exchange of value. As you and your circumstances change relationships lose their value and you move on. It’s natural.
[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits 11 points12 points13 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Yeah some guys after discovering trp think something along the lines of "omg women are terrible I don't want to play these games, how can they be so dishonest, fuck it" but really men are not in any way morally superior. We just have different values. Everyone condemns those whose pursuit of value is zero-sum to their own.
I realize that you could argue that men are morally superior, because men don't literally ruin lives with child support, false allegations, and cuckoldry. However I tend to give women the benefit of the doubt and just accept that they are emotional automatons. So ascribing culpability might make you feel like you have more control over the consequences of women's undesirable behaviors. But in reality it just makes you bitter and resentful. To bemoan their behavior makes as much sense as it does to charge the ocean with reckless tsunami after it swallowed your home. You built your home there with full knowledge of its danger. Oceans tsunami, women lie.
[–]Howdoiusesync 21 points22 points23 points 7 months ago* (0 children)
Been there in the beginning, with everything you've stated. I personally started to do my own thing after a LTR because I saw where I needed to improve got a buddy of mine in the gym with me but that didn't last too long. I get kept going because I knew I had to and wanted to look better than before. Now when they all hang together I rarely see them because I know what it's going to be like and there is no fear of missing out. Taking time off to get your head right is undervalued in today's age. Like the dude before me said you care the feeling with you just be bold in whatever you're doing and don't get caught up with shit that isn't on your agenda.
Also applying plate theory to friends helps a much. Or if you have to take time off all together and build value to find more friends like yourself and then apply plate theory. But understand that when you do meet new people the old ones will get jealous. I have a buddy who'm i've know for quiet a while now. When I would talk about the people i would be hanging out with when doing things that were not only knew to me but doing things that I was improving on there would be passive aggression. It was a common trait from this dude now that I think about it more. When it came to girls I was seeing that were hotter than his fiance, people who I would spend time with more than him. It got to the point where I didn't see him for a while because I was living life (something I value a lot in my reality.) He decided to make a long text about how I was getting manipulated by a girl and so forth and i would never come see him at his place when all he had to do was get on a train and come join us. Fuck these people it started to ruin me mentality out of consistency. After things fell through with the girl at the time and I decided to see the same friend a bit more because I want to see the change in behavior, what did you know he didn't care or wasn't interested in my life as much when I wasn't posting on social media and such. That is the example of crab bucket mentality that is not so illustrated thoroughly here.
It's sad, yes. Some people want to see you win but don't want you to win more then them.
A lot of friends back home where I am now only really are friends for a sake of company, that's really it. After I soon realized this it's easier to move on and do what you have to do for yourself. You wouldn't hang out with a girl solely on the fact for company would you?
[–]toothpickhd 9 points10 points11 points 7 months ago (0 children)
What you will notice is that once you swallow the pill (get fit, dress nicer, be more confident in yourself, etc.) NEW people will give you WAY more respect and the girls will come. What you will also notice is that the people in your life that knew you before you took the pill will still try to keep you down (too many shit tests to count) it gets annoying. So yes, even subconsciously I believe that most people who take the pill will isolate themselves and find a new group.
It is very similar to advice I give to guys in the friendzone. You literally will not fuck that girl if she sees you as just a friend. You are better off completely cutting off that friend and maybe they will come around when they see your success elsewhere. Good luck.
[–]Nezith 9 points10 points11 points 7 months ago (4 children)
I feel you man, it's kind of overwhelming when you see things for what they are and not how you wanted it to be (BP fantasy). I've been feeling pretty jaded myself lately and don't really feel any drive to do things like I did during my first anger stage. I think it's just the phase where you need to recalibrate yourself to a new configuration. The part where we need to take a step back and make sense of what we know now versus what we thought we knew before and adapt to the environment with that new information.
I think that the desire to isolate oneself is our body's way of communicating to us that it needs time to recover emotionally in a sense because it's annoyed that we aren't looking towards ourselves enough. I get this feeling that if I am consuming too much content (Reddit posts) versus not creating content/new actions (applying advice/learning from said posts) then it leaves me feeling empty.
[–]Howdoiusesync 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (2 children)
you have a level of self awareness that i wish more people had.
[–]Nezith 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (1 child)
Idk man... it feels more like a curse than a gift more times than I'd like lol. Like an unskilled engineer/logician that tries to break something down finely and inefficiently rebuild it closely to its original design can be tiring. But I think to make it one of my strengths I would need to do some homework. Thanks for the compliment though.
[–]Howdoiusesync 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I understand, being a person that breaks down things to understand them it def is a skill. That's part of the skill of learning things the next phase is just practice and training.
[–]modern-day-hemingway 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Been feeling the same way lately man, thanks for posting. Hope we come out of it soon brother
[–]Eldudearino89 29 points30 points31 points 7 months ago (0 children)
There is going to be a shit ton of people that say get out there approach, lift, fuck, and etc.
The main thing you need to be doing is meditating, lifting, and eating clean.
Just don't go too deep down the rabbit hole. Focus on you. Don't let all the negativity of the lies we've been taught get to you. There is a life with or without TRP. The important thing is you need to stay as positive as you fucking can.
Best of luck. Take your time.
Also, GO LIFT! & meditate
[–]CRGRO 6 points7 points8 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Not so much a phase as much a road towards the bridge too self-realization or self-deprevation.
To put it bluntly you're oblivious. In all your killing it and RP profundity you seem to have forgotten you too are a selfish person with whom people can feel burnt out by. Glad you're not a fat beta anymore, congratulations, you're now an insufferable prick whom "sees the true nature of people."
I'd say this is why you feel distant. You're projecting all things you can't accept about yourself onto other people. The vibes you're getting in both lights are correct. You can keep being a dick or you can start being a man - all of which the red lense is mutually exclusive. I'd take a look inward at the shadow behind the man you are now, and even deeper into the shadow of the man you were before. Insofar as you're the man you portray, understand you're equally as much as the man you repress.
Hopefully when you understand what you yourself are capable of, and remember you yourself are comprised of the same thing as everybody else. In other words, they too have the capability to do what you did - even though their "overweight beta loser" may be something else. Then you'll realize you are more likeable. You're an integrated version of the good and bad within which has made whole your individualism. Now you own yourself with no regrets. Just make sure you remember the external world is as much a part of you as you are a part of the external world.
It's qn esoteric response but definitely necessary for the kind of mindset that you're experiencing. Definitely not uncommon either, it's actually quite okay and not that big of a deal. Just a matter of taking complete ownership of who you are and going into things with your eyes fully open instead of halfway.
[–]macheagle 5 points6 points7 points 7 months ago (0 children)
OP, you are not alone. This is exactly the phrase I’m going through. I was redpilled several years ago, and this “phase” has overall always gradually improved. Even in this phase, I was able to maintain good relations with friends were also redpilled (one of them was responsible for it as well, one of my closest friends), as well as with colleagues and mentors. It has helped me in friendship, relationships, and in business/work.
I believe the initial phase of being fed TRP has a higher chance to cause us to be more cynical and look at the world from the cup half empty POV. As long as you keep an open mind and posses the conviction to improve yourself, you will then gradually see the world from the cup half full POV and how you can leverage your newfound “vision” to improve every aspect of your life. I’m just reaching this stage now.
If you ask me how you can get there, I will only say that 2 things are needed, and that is free time and a free mind. If you don’t feel like lifting now, don’t, but then keep your mind fit by reading and analyzing constantly. When you’ve got your mental discipline set, apply it to your physical life and get in shape. At the same time or afterward, work on emotional, social, and financial fitness. These include EQ, association or disassociation with people, and income. You will be ready to leverage TRP positively in your life when you’ve internalized it through free time and a free mind. I wish you well in your journey brother.
[–]SkankHuntL89 5 points6 points7 points 7 months ago (0 children)
[–]ainihon 3 points4 points5 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Being with like minded friends is the shortest path, crab mentality just makes progress more difficult.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 7 months ago (2 children)
Your writing implies you think you’re now better than other people. While that certainly may be the case it’s not helpful to have this internal condescension poisoning your wellbeing.
Focus on your inner game. Get to the point where you can know yes I am better than others without being a douche about it. You’ll have to hold the conflicting ideas of yes I’m better than others & no one really matters in your head. You might be hot shit yet you just aren’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Changing gears a bit, Blue Pill has the advantages of structure and conceding control. You should do this, this and that. The American Dream, 2.5 kids, happy wife happy life yadda yadda yadda.
Once you break those shackles you’re left with freedom. Terrifying freedom for people that are used to being led through life. The burden now falls on you to decide how to live your life. You are in complete control, that can be rather scary.
Once I got my mission in place and actually started pursuing it, then part of that existential dread went away. I was no longer spinning wheels so my mind was more at ease.
[–]Howdoiusesync 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (1 child)
I think what you're stating is right about him thinking he's better. I also wanna say he should know his audience. If he were to cut everyone off like that then people would be attacking him or thinking in a negative imagine. Think what you like but act like everyone else would help here
(asking your opinion here on this)
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I’m mixed on law 38. Blending in is useful to a point. Eventually you have to decide if you’re in the middle of the herd or the front. Once you go up front blending in no longer is an option. That’s when you realize not everyone is gonna like you & thats ok. I like myself so cool. That said on most contentious topics I bow out of the conversation vs putting out my true thoughts. It’s not worth the effort or arguments. I get my jabs in subtly.
The play here if you want to switch social circles is to simply drift away. No need for burning bridges with some douchey monologue or anything. You simply become less available. Nah cant make it this week ... so on and so forth. You keep any social connections for the future without being a complete unsocial tool.
[–]richarddbuckley4 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Monk mode helps, but make sure you have a goal when you start. Don’t be aimless about it. For example I used it to start gym and nail my exams.
[–]okaytrp 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I‘m really seeking those behind my back talks where old friends talk about how I bettered myself. That‘s at least one reason why I broke up with my social contacts (although I only had few).
[–]SteveStJohn 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I often feel the same way, but I wouldn't take the blue pill again. TRP has given me the eyes to see harsh truths of difficult situations. I wouldn't go back for anything, though I now feel alone.
[–]rAFCdadHUSBAND 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I hate to boil things down to a meme, but 'if your friends dont support your goals, get new friends"
Your old friends wanted you to be successful, but no more successful than them.
Make new, higher quality friends - surely this is easier for you now? You're fit, positive and energetic, and you have social skills plus, for bonus points, you now read regularly.
Keep an eye out for high quality people, befriend them, and don't talk about TRP explicitly.
[–]dbz0x 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
You just have to accept the past reality you grew up with is fake. The new reality that the red pill opened your eyes to is what should’ve been your “normal” all along, you were just misguided. You have to accept that how you saw things in the past might have been Disney like and happy but it was a lie and the new truth may need you to have a thick skin, and forfeit comfort but it will provide happiness that is truest to you. In due time, you will be comfortable with it and work through life with ease as you become the rock and the leader you need.
[–]ThinSpiritual 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago* (0 children)
It's the half full vs. half empty problem. Initially you'll focus on the empty part but learn to use TRP tools to make life happier for yourself and your pursuits.
Example from Way of the Superior Man on praising women:
"I want you to be healthier, I care about you, that's why I think you should lose a couple of pounds" -- wife gets mad, life becomes unhappy, BP husband thinks why the fuck are women like that. "I think you look sexy when you sweat" -- wife exercises more, husband is in control and is actively leading her to improve, sex improves, life is happy.
"I want you to be healthier, I care about you, that's why I think you should lose a couple of pounds" -- wife gets mad, life becomes unhappy, BP husband thinks why the fuck are women like that.
"I think you look sexy when you sweat" -- wife exercises more, husband is in control and is actively leading her to improve, sex improves, life is happy.
Seeing people's true nature and feeling isolated is one issue, but that doesn't mean you cannot use a less cynical approach, the idea is that you are here to gift, but if you don't recognize it yet then it's okay to renounce intimacy and worldliness and go into monk mode. When you're ready, come back to fuck the world and the woman you love wholeheartedly.
And btw I recommend that book, it's more spiritual and less cynical. Good for anyone who's feeling more and more autistic in their RP path.
[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
It's anger phase. This is why having mission and stuff you love doing is so important. You don't wanna focus solely on the nature of people, selfishness etc. It'll lead to slf pity.
Instead, enjoy parts of RP. We've come to realise a lot of the BP ideology is false, so we have permission to go do what we love, and what makes us happy. We take responsibility
Mission, son...without that, the RP will be a depressing shithole. You need something you're passionate about...that when you're down, you can focus on and feel 'who gives a shit, I'm doing what I love'
[–]0io- 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Don't get depressed, hang around the friends who add value to your life. Don't waste time on the energy vampires who drag you down or make you feel miserable. Either find something you enjoy doing that you can do with one of your old friends or else find new friends that you can go and enjoy spending time with. One chapter of your life ends, the next one begins. On to the next adventure!
[–]SirAttackHelicopter 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
going into monk mode isn't a negative thing.
[–]Irtotallynotrobot 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I think all the responses here are unanimous on it. We've all felt it to one extent or another. Rp is a process. It takes time to digest and change you. Relish the journey, it's a really wonderful one.
[–]throwawaybpdnpd 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Went monk mode for a year, it was one of the best decision I took
[–]fromdario 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago* (2 children)
Take solace in the fact that you are aware.
It doesn’t change the fundamental conditions of reality that existed when you were unaware and happy. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy again.
Knowing a harsh reality while others are living in ignorant bliss benefits you because you understand the rules of the game and if you apply them to yourself and your conduct you can succeed.
Take some time and figure out the best strategy for approaching life and you’ll figure it out. Or at least how to best move forward.
Edit: solice to solace.
[–]rAFCdadHUSBAND 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (1 child)
[–]fromdario 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
[–]Winning__ 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Your programming leads to your thoughts, Your thoughts lead to your feelings, your feelings lead to your words, your words lead to your actions, and your actions lead to your programming. You’ve only changed a couple of these things so your very off balance. Keep going and you’ll break through. I went through the same thing you did.
[–]HeadingRed 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago (0 children)
I had a work buddy when I found TRP. He was married - I was in a live-in LTR. Having someone to bounce and talk over stuff with was great.
The hard part would be having someone you can trust that won't shit the bed.
See if you have another guy you think wants to improve and knows when to shut his mouth.
Otherwise yeah you might be flying solo - which even with a buddy will be the case 95% of the time anyways.
[–]maljo24 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
You are not an overweight loser, you are a person with a lot of positive qualities. Keep the cup half full. Don't get discouraged. Winning isn't easy and it doesn't happen on the first try.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Move away. You can always come back. Worked out great for me twice.
[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
[–]AJ272727 -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago (1 child)
This is what I'm currently going through. I've been watching Georgia Free's youtube channel and doing lots of reading.
[–]SteveStJohn 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Stop watching this shit.