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[–]phrakture16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

[–]PigDog43 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What's brown and runny?

Usain Bolt

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return when you throw it?

A stick.

[–]lilychaud65 points66 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Two tampons are walking down the street, which one stops to say 'hello'?

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

[–]GaiusScaevolus7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Say this.

[–]Magnusson14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey pirate, why do you have that steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate says, "ARRRR, it's drivin' me nuts!"

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

[–]redpillschool22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Here's a joke, guy goes to a bar, tries to bum a cigarette and gets himself trapped in a joke with no way out.. "

[–]frugal_masturbater4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why did the chicken cross the road? ... To visit his retarded friend.

You: Knock knock!

Her:Who is it?

You: Chicken.

That'd be my pick.

[–]timdesuyo3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Knock knock

(who's there)

Interrupting Pterodactyl

(Interupting Pt-

right in her faceRRRRRAAAAAAWKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I always thought it was the interrupting cow in this jo- mooooo

[–]timdesuyo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That works, too.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What did the man say when he got the cigarette?

Nothing, he had throat cancer.

[–]lawlqq4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know someone who talks like an owl.

[–]Buchloe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never mind. Thanks for your offer, but I don't accept conditional cigarettes.

[–]DirtyD271 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sort of similar to this, I was talking about good party tricks the other day and I couldn't think of any.

[–]SuperNinKenDo0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What are you a circus animal? Why the fuck should you need to think of part tricks?

If you really want one, balance a ball on your nose. They might throw you a fish.

[–]PipingHotSoup0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Frame matters.

It's something you do to demonstrate value later on, not an opener: "hey, let me show you something cool" not like you walk up and do a cartwheel.

[–]varisforge1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For the self effecting humor, "I would hate to have to take my pants off right now."

Regardless of your size, she'll think about it for a moment and regardless of that assessment she will notice your confidence in joking about your package.

[–]subgamer900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This

[–]Bossmandom2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Anything is the correct response if you deliver it in the right way.

"Politics"

"This venue"

"The stock market"

"This Approach"

You can literally say anything you want, you just got to be quick and off the cuff. It's a standard shit test, as long as you don't insult her you'll be sweet.

[–]foreverconfused19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

None of these are funny and are forced attempts to appear sophisticated. People are smarter than this and pick up on such facades easily. OP, just make something up. It doesn't even have to make sense if you just have fun with it.

[–]Lets_get_Medical1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The Stock market one, is cringe-worthy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Le fedora worthy.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What do Kanye West and M&M's have in common?

They both come in a plastic bag.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why did God create herpes?

So Robin Williams could give something to his female fans that they couldn't just turn around and sell on eBay.

[–]SuperNinKenDo12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is....

That is possibly the worst joke I have ever heard.

It's not even anti-humour... It... It transcends that.

Well done?

[–]JK3141592653591 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did you hear the one about that fat polar bear? Well it broke the ice, didn't it?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

"Jeez, I just met you and already you're testing me." <grin>

Edit: While shit tests are often unconscious, I've found that a lot of women know that they test men. Calling them out in a friendly way often leads to an interesting conversation. She might say something like "this is not a test" or "what do you mean?" and you can respond with "all women test men, it's ingrained" and transition to a discussion of relationship dynamics.

[–]-SoItGoes4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If a girl wants to be playful with you when you first meet her, I'd suggest you reciprocate.

[–]Lets_get_Medical0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seriously, if you try to appear sophisticated or do psychological parlor tricks, it's a little too much, and you seem full of it. Ingenuity is the way man.

[–]browndelicious0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Practice snappy come backs. For most people this is not a gift, it takes intention and practice. They come in all flavors, angry, sarcastic, and yes.. funny.

I also want to say that I just found this subreddit and I LOVE IT. I also wish I could add comments to some of the older posts but they're in archive mode.

[–]varisforge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read about Winston Churchill. He believed he was a horrible public speaker and so he prepared comebacks and one liners almost obsessively so that he would be prepared in a pinch.

Some of that stuff is hilarious.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Practice snappy come backs. For most people this is not a gift, it takes intention and practice.

This is true. Make an effort to be around funny people, watch stand up comedy or listen to funny podcasts. Don't be afraid to be silly.

[–]unassuming_aussie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Smoke for a poke.

[–]SpecialFester0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow so many good suggestions for him!

So is this ability something one can aquire through practice or other strategies? I always had the feeling that it's something people either just have or they don't and that if we feel somethings the unpleasant truth it probably is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a joke, she can have me...

[–]Bucky_Goldstein1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

pull down your pants! I'm sorry that was low and I'm quite overtired and that was the first thing I thought of, also I'm Canadian so I'll apologize again

on a more serious note, one of my favorite all time easy to pull out joke is "Two muffins are sitting in a muffin pan in an oven, one muffin looks over at the other muffin and say "Sure getting hot in here isn't it", the other muffin looks over and says "Holy shit, a talking muffin"

end of joke

[–]werehusky-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9; this has never failed me.

[–]GaiusScaevolus[M] -6 points-5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Literally anything works, just say it with a smile and a joking inflection in your voice.

"This opener" seems like the optimal one.

Unless she's blonde, then tell a blonde joke.

[–]Buchloe-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? You who asked me for a joke shall suffer a life of woe and hardship should she make the mistake of not now extending to me the whole hearted gift of a cigarette, for tis better to give than to receive, and blessed is she that gives to the lord and seeks naught in return.

[–]Buchloe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then say, actually, that will be a dollar AND a cigarette.

[–]AlbinoCrocodile-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Give a corny lame joke like you don't give a fuck.

[–]DafyddBreen-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Raise an eyebrow, lean back a little and smile. Hold it for a few seconds, let out a little snort as if to say "really?". Then turn, walk away and ask somebody else. You've got better things to do and nobody is gonna waste your time.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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