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Ask BaM Monday (self.becomeaman)

submitted by GaiusScaevolus

Got questions? Ask 'em. Got answers? Share 'em.


[–]chyckun 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If I have begun my red Pill journey while in a relationship, and believe I have gone through a lot of the phases, what is next? Have I messed up by appearing as both Alpha and beta to her?

[–]ilovemyself101 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, there plenty of stories of beta husbands turning into alpha types, with the relationship becoming a happier one, the initial change is just the pain period it gets better

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm going through the same thing... Damn it's painful.

[–]bob4job 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You will probably face some resistance at first, but that is normal with all change. Don't allow the resistance to stop your journey. The relationship may improve, or it may die.

[–]asura_wahrheit 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Particularly scrawny blue pill here ;-; before I change my ways would it be better to gain some weight and start working out first? Or shoulf I make the change internally first then start working on my body? ._.

[–]GaiusScaevolus[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do both at the same time. You'll find the physical and the mental reflect and support each other.

[–]asura_wahrheit 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nother question, could you direct me to a good routine for someone who's pretty skinny naturally? Like where do I even start? ._.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Look up Starting Strength. And eat a lot. You'll probably start with really low weight but keep adding every session, and make sure to focus on proper form.

[–]bob4job -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good advice, but to build mass, I recommend modifying Starting Strength. Lower the weight a bit and add at least 3 reps to every set. Also, keep rest intervals below 60 sec.

[–]Ninja451 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Going to disagree here. You are suggesting he switch to a bodybuilding type routine which went be useful for someone who is scrawny. He needs to focus on increasing weight each session, not increasing reps.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) Improve your value. Lose weight, get strong, dress well, become skilled at interesting hobbies, improve your social skills. There are subreddits devoted to all of these.

2) Realize that you now have significantly more to offer that girl or any other.

3) Revel in your newfound attractiveness, and realize that it no longer matters to you whether this or that particular girl is interested in you, because if she's not the one next to her is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

There is something that bothers me a bit around here, not sure if it is cultural.

The whole approach is that you have desires, and you for your desires, you live to get what you want. This was always weird to me, kind of asocial.

To me being a man is more like proudly fulfilling the duties you were born into. Serve your country. Take care of your elderly parents. Have kids and raise them right. Die with the satisfaction that you fulfilled the mission you was given at birth. I mean, how to put it, you are always a soldier, even if you never enlisted, you still serve family, community, nation, mankind, and you are proud of it. This is manliness for me.

Is this desire-orientedness a particular feature of American culture where everything is based on the "pursuit of happiness", or do you think there are good reasons for every man being more desire oriented?

I never really had desires, they don't even make sense to me. For example I never cared much about sex, I wanted girlfriends because that is how you fulfill your social role of becoming a husband and father.

I never really understood the entrepreneurial focus as well. My life mission cannot be to make some bullshit product or service. Most products and services are bullshit. I never really bought anything that brought meaningful happiness to me or others. (OK the motorbike is kinda an exception.) Pity the man whose life mission is making a better mousetrap. Most of the "fulfill your dreams!" crap turns out to be dreams of entrepreneurship, people fooling themselves into making yet another product or service matters. Generally shit you can buy for money rarely matters. Important stuff tend to be priceless.

I gather the life mission can be defined in the terms of people, not products.

[–]GaiusScaevolus[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's definitely partially due to the American way of thinking. But I would also say that your description of manliness used to be similar to the American one as well.

There used to be benefits to a man behaving as you describe. He was respected by his community and his family. His wife honored and obeyed him, even in tough times. Never would such a man fear that his wife would steal his children and his property because she wasn't "haaaaaaaaappy", and certainly this man did not fear that his country would turn on him, condone the theft of his property and throw him in debtors prison to rot on the flimsiest of hearsay testimony from an obvious vindictively interested party.

My counter question to you is twofold; What do you think the duty of a woman is? And given that a women have shirked their duty in the West, why should men continue to serve?

Also what country are you from? I only ask because one time I had a very interesting discussion on the nature of freedom and rights with an Albanian friend and he spoke a lot of duty as you have.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To be great moms, and to stay loyal to husbands.

Stuff like being homemakers, be kind to the husband, sex him up... nice bonus but kind of secondary. Many women here nag a lot, argue a lot, not have sex with husbands... but if they are good moms then the basic duty is done, because at the end of the day everything is about the kids and rest is just a bonus.

I mean when you are old, you don't really care about how often she fucked you 40 years ago. You care about 1) the kids turned out good 2) she is still there with you.

I am Hungarian and we live in Austria. Austria is Western enough, yet the situation does not seem as bad as in the Anglosphere. I know that, lived in England. The values are just broken through and through. People cannot even dress with any sense of class anymore, they wear tracksuits to the mall. At this point France, Germany or Austria comes accross as more conservative than England, despite economic leftism, abortionism, feminism going hard, still, it somehow does not change that people are overally still more decent. Just these little things like not littering, you know. They are a sign of where a culture goes.

I don't know what else to do than to serve. I can't live for meaningless sex and fun games.

If I was American I would just find a nice, homely, not too hot but downright conservative Mexican girl. Just someone who never went to college and was raised traditionally. Catholic and all that. Sure they exist, the rural working class is generally conservative everywhere. The perfect future mom and wife is is probably serving tables at a taco restaurant in small town Texas. You find her on OKCupid having the picture of a cat instead of herself - not that ugly, just shy - and quotes from innocent romantic poetry. The catch is, she will not be hot. She will probably have no other clothes but jeans, and rarely use make up. But she spends her weekends helping her mom and stuff like that. Hot and good, that does not go together, choose one. Hot women get spoiled and pampered.

Or I would have a career that is not about making money but say military. Or I would write books. Will do that one day anyway.

There is so much talk about American men moving abroad here. Why, I ask, when you can do it the other way around: live where people, women from the world move to in America, such as NY? You want foreigners, you find enough of them there. Live where the pay is good, and people, women from poor and traditionalist countries will move there anyway. Sure, some of them will be careerists or slutty. But some will move there to work as a waitress to support family back home, and wait for a good man.

[–]_Very_Relevant 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

This thread is for asking, yes? Il start.

How do you get a girl interested to you.

Imagine this scenario:

You have been quite the Blue-Pill before, and you have known a girl for a little while, how do you get here to notice you, and, fall in love with you?

I have heard alot on TRP And blogs about to keep the relationship ''stable, and dominant'' and how to appear ''Alpha'' but never how to get the girl, do you ask her? Or the opposite.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Part of the red pill is a mindset of abundance. Don't worry about how to approach this particular girl. There are millions of others just like her. Instead, focus on being more attractive to girls in general. Improve your value and your ability to demonstrate it, and then leave it up to her to decide if she's going to chase you or let some other girl chase you instead.

Fish with a net, not a laser scope.

[–]tagged4life 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Are you friendzoned, or a complete stranger. We need some more info.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]scottishredpill 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

"Hi, I'm _Very_Relevant, would you like to get a drink sometime?"

[–]ScrotusLotus 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good recommendation. And OP, if she says "no" and means it, that is good too. Handling rejection is a good lesson. There are many women better for you than this one. Think (and maybe even say) "Well, that's a real shame for you. You don't know what you're missing."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Adding on to what you are saying....

Never let them see you get butthurt by a rejection.

Always take it in stride. Be prepared with a funny quip and reassert the question. There is a high probability a shit test is coming before a possible answer.

Blow up the shit test with humor. If the rejection still comes, then look her in the eye, keep a smile and say "Hey, no harm in asking right? See ya around."

[–]GaiusScaevolus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This really is the long and short of it.

[–]bob4job 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the right mentality, but it is probably (you didn't provide much info on the context) too direct and out of place. Just introduce yourself and have a conversation. "Getting drinks sometime" is a time commitment. I don't recommend making time commitments to people you have never conversed with before. I recommend talking for a few minutes, getting to know the person, screen the person to see if you actually enjoy their company. If you do, ask to see the person again at some point.

[–]bob4job -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Newb here. How do RPs approach? I think examples might help clarify, so I'll give some example scenarios. At a college party, in the grocery store, sit next to a girl in a class (at university), on the sidewalk, at a club/bar. I learn well from seeing patterns in examples, so if yall give examples of how you would open/approach, I will better understand the RP mentality as it relates to game.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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