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Emotional vulnerability and emotional training (self.becomeaman)

submitted by Crusene


[–]sensual_pineapple 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It takes a lot of practice. As stupid as it sounds, things like meditation are recommended so often because they work. I meditate throughout each day in order to practice mindfulness. This means that I stop and realize that my own thoughts are under my control, and if I am feeling something that I don't want to feel, it's as simple as forcefully not thinking about it. Of course, this is much easier said than done, but with practice it becomes second nature. I do this whenever I have downtime, such as while alone in an elevator or waiting in line to get food. I highly recommend it.

Edit: As an example to add to this: since I started practicing meditation, when I have found myself becoming angry at things like being stuck in traffic, I realized that I could simply not be angry any more and instantly snapped out of it. It's a very liberating feeling, this stuff definitely works.

[–]lordxela 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This ring true with me, right down to Basic training at Ft. Jackson.

[–]NotSoMagicalTrevor 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You talk about "vulnerability" but that does not seem right for what you describe. Instead, sounds like "emotional disregulation" which turns into some of the clinical mental illnesses when combined with other factors. There are specific kinds of therapeutic techniques designed to address this (I forget exactly what they are called) -- but, you could look them up and make sure your therapist is headed in the right direction. (Don't always trust them just because they are a professional... They could be very good, but just not right for you!)

Edit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy is the technique of which I speak. Wasn't actually immediately obvious from the general term...

[–]Crusene[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The emotional dysregulation idea sounds interesting, but its not like I'm swinging between extremes, I just have trouble keeping my emotions in check, especially in public which is what I'm more concerned about. I'll bring it up to my psychologist.

[–]Crusene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Addressing it may lead to something, but right now what concerns me the most are the details, especially in social interactions.

People keep telling me, or hinting at, that I "get too butthurt". Vocabulary aside, I think its important for a man to be able to wear a mask. Does that mean the complete suppression is needed, or I should just try to not feel emotions? NO.

Another example. I've started flipping burghers right now as I go through college, and since I've never worked in fast food and I started working at the lunch rushes, I had to be brought up to speed, QUICKLY. I had to jump in and run a certain station, QUICKLY.

I've had trouble keeping up, and one guy said so, repeatedly. I realize, YES, I had a job to do. YES it isn't personal. I shouldn't be taking it personally.

But one day he even commented to me that "You look like I'm hurting your feelings, and I'm not. I just need you to do your job."

I shouldn't be giving off that vibe. I want to train myself to not take things personally, in the moment. I can tell myself all the time "its not personal. Its just a job. Its not personal, its just the army."

But, moment to moment, day to day, when I'm interacting with others and flirting with girls, my EMOTIONS, MY FACE, my BODY LANGUAGE, those are all telling a different story.

How much is psychological? I'll need to find out.

How much can be trained, though? Courage can be taught. Pride, discipline, fear, greed, lust. These are emotional HABITS that can be trained, not merely random personality quirks. They can be gained, and lost.

What sort of training can build a habit of emotional discipline?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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