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i have a good friend who i would consider to be the alpha our group of friends. ever since i discovered the idea of an "alpha mind-set," ive slowly incorporated it into my personality. ive come to realize this good friend is mostly full of hot air and likes to talk a lot. recently ive begun to be more head strong and stick to my opinions. i feel im gradually becoming more "alpha" than him and im curious as to how this could play out


[–]get_real_quick15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Could lead to tension with your friend, depending on where he gets his rocks off. I'll say this though: 'alpha' is a stupid word we use to describe a set of characteristics that boil down, fundamentally, to ownership of self. Someone who is 'alpha' does not feel the need to be the alpha, they just are the alpha. People who react negatively to you becoming more "alpha" in your demeanor are, under this framework, not true alpha. Alphas recognize and respect one another, but there's no sense that I need to 'take you down a peg' because you're getting more attention from a girl or something. Alphas do not feel threatened.

I had a good friend of mine who I basically cut out of my life because while I underwent a change, he saw that as a threat to his place in the social circle, and just started disrespecting me, trying to take me down a peg, cockblocking me, trying to tell embarrassing stories to new people, etc. I came to see that he wasn't 'alpha', he was just domineering. That's a critical difference.

Congrats to you on effecting a change in yourself that's difficult for a lot of guys to take on. Where your relationship with this friend goes is up in the air, and kind of in his court, but it shouldn't matter. True alpha means ownership of self, and if the group as a whole doesn't recognize that, it means you're not being true alpha and they're picking up on it--you're just trying to take someone down a peg.

[–]Vonillanovilla3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just realized why my roommate and myself are not getting along anymore and why they've begun treating me differently. Thank you so very much for that explanation, now I know to just move out and move on instead of trying to fix whatever went wrong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

thank you for your input. im still trying to manage the "change" in which you described. for some reason its been like a snowball effect. i want to be more head strong and thats what im getting, but i dont want to come off as a asshole.

[–]get_real_quick4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's corny, but I think meditation helps for exactly this reason. You need to ask yourself: What do I want? It's about being fundamentally present, in all situations, and in touch with what it is that you want to do. Don't resist shit just because someone else suggested it. That's taking down a peg. Don't trash talk other people when it's not to their face. That's taking down a peg. Lead by example. Don't be afraid to divorce yourself of herd mentality. It's all about being in touch with yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

ill do my best to incorporate that into my meditation. its crazy how much meditation helps, especially with a scatter brain like myself

[–]chainlinks10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You must fight to the death.

[–]-SoItGoes-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This has been a problem in traditional communities, where the survivor was too injured to then care for the group.

The traditional resolution is actually to whip your dick out and compare, with the lesser man being excommunicated.

[–]couchpotatocarl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I so wish this was true.

[–]Chaohinon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Admittedly I'm ripping this off from a Nick Sparks presentation, but I like the idea of, instead of locking horns (unless absolutely necessary), be encouraging and something of a "cheerleader" for them. "Oh really, you used to work at the Waldorf? That's fuckin' awesome. Oh and tell me more about what Brazil was like, I'd kill to vacation there someday."

It's walking a fine line between letting them steamroll over you (when it comes to opinions, I believe in holding the line come hell or high water). But otherwise, if someone's trying to AMOG you, the above method can simultaneously kinda take the wind out of their sails (especially if you do catch them bullshitting with the socratic method is great for), not look even remotely butthurt to outside observers, and you might even just make a friend.

As a personal example, I worked with a waiter that would just not. shut. up. about his MMA obsession and skillz (and everyone else in turn would just endlessly bitch about 'fucking Todd and his stupid MMA'). I started asking him for pointers on where to go, what varieties of martial arts are best for what situations, what schools in town are best, etc. out of legit curiosity, and ended up actually getting a ton of great advice and even a personal referral to one of the local bigshot BJJ trainers.

Another example, at that same job, I was working side by side with a line cook (in his mid forties) who was just cocky as fuck despite not being very good, obviously threatened by us younger guys with skills, endlessly bragging about how awesome he is, how he's worked here and there and used to make shit tons of money and bangs 22 year old hot bitches every night and just...everything. Again, I went Louis Theroux on his ass and just started asking him about all of his experiences, practical advice he's picked up along the way, where he's been and what he's done and man, he just...sunk. Wind, sails, gone. The more he talked, the more he dug his grave. From there he more or less stopped trying to AMOG me.

And FWIW, he straight up told me I'm on his short list of people to call up when he, "opens his own place and blows everyone out of the water and makes millions and and and [insert list of brags here]". So whether or not he was bullshitting, it's still win-win for me.

[–]_Dog-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Serious reply.

Dont fight him, no i dont mean physically, but dont fight his presence or alpha status. Embrace him and his status, be his supporter. Fighting him shows you're insecure, embracing him shows you're not intimidated by him and are confident with who and where you are.

[–]Nicolay771 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you should assume the role of a mentor and help the other males, if they are your friends and you care about them.

[–]slowknife1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If your friend is insecure, which sounds like he might be, he will attack you. It'll start verbal, but if you don't handle it, it will get physical.

I've seen it multiple times before.

Handle it.

[–]fitnesspm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Usually u can only have 1 alpha in a group! Most times they will go at it and someone backs down.

I had huge fights with friends when I moved from beta to alpha. They didn't like a person they always knew as a 'nice guy' taking status and authority from!

[–]Unwanted_Commentary-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can identify the male alfalfas by observing the anterior section of the stem.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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