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tl;dr - I'm 32 years old, still living at home, no qualifications or skills, long history of anxiety/depression/low self-esteem. Was a virgin till age 27, gf of 4 years dumped me 18 months ago and I've been pretty much obsessed with her ever since even though she moved on very quickly (shock horror). I have huge rejection/abandonment issues and I am currently in counselling. But apart from that...

I do not want or expect sympathy. I understand that the first step towards change is that I take full responsibility for my shitty life. I have recently swallowed the red pill and fuck, does it hurt. My entire worldview has been turned upside down and to be honest, I really fucking hate society and the way things are going. Its affecting my ability to motivate myself at all right now.

My years of beta conditioning still make me crave a girlfriend intensely whilst I now rationally understand what a waste of time it is. I am not getting laid, the only time I ever did was when I had a relationship. I can't approach, I'm shy/introverted as fuck etc etc. The moment my ex put her panties back on and walked out on me, I haven't had a sniff of pussy ever since. That was 18 months ago.

I have recently returned to the gym. I meditate. I am 6 weeks into nofap (my all time best streak). I am going travelling to Asia for 2 months later this year, a big step outside my cowardly comfort zone. Little steps I know but I console myself that I'm doing something. But its not enough. I need massive life change. I can see how whiny this all sounds.

My biggest problem is that I am still focused way too much on the lack of relationship/sex whilst not facing up to the REAL priorities, namely earning some fucking money and moving out. I just can't seem to give up on the pussy pedestal. I need advice on where I should go from here.


[–]redpill-visceral6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Here are some guidelines...

  1. Your age dosn't matter. You'll only get better with time. That's an advantage for being a man. I`m 29 now and I feel better and more alive than ever.

  2. Find a path, find a mission, an objective in life, anything. And give all you can give to accomplish your goals, you must sacrifice yourself in order to do that. Stay with yourself until you discover what is your mission. Mine is to be free and build my own reality. Be financial independent. It doesn't include pussy, women or kids.

  3. I had my first sex at 16. Do you think this is important? It is not. This is just a conception of failure you have internalized. You cannot internalize this kind of (mis)concepts. I was manipulated and suffered a lot only to get sex. This is bad sex. Is better fap than have a bad sex. If I could choose knowledge that I have know between sex at that time I would pick knowledge - knowledge is power.

  4. Read Dr. Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy. If you did, read again and put the things in practice. Your abandon syndrome must be overcomed. Put yourself in first place.

  5. Feel the pain you are living, don't repress it. Live with your open heart (David Deida - The Way of Superior Man) and feel everything. Scream if you want, but feel it into your core until it vanishes.

  6. Start lifting (as you did). Start a sport (running maybe). Start a martial art. Once at time... Focus on your body. But, focus specially on your mind, go through the pain, go through your limits. This will boost your confidence. When your brain says: NO! you say with your body and soul: YES. You will feel the pain, but you feel alive, you handle with it, you learn that is possible to handle the pain, you're confortable in situations of disconfort. You'll feel happy as you never did in the past few years, and in my opinion, sometimes it's better than fucking.

  7. If you have fear, go for it, don't let it stop you. Everything that may happen, you can handle with it (Dr. Glover).

  8. Social. Try to joing groups, speak what you think, speak in public. Maybe some theater or speaching class. Don't think what people would think if you say "X" or "Y". Just say it and deal with the consequences. Maybe you're so fucked up that you don't know who you are. You fake your personality depending of the event. Try some light alcohol to see how you do, what you say, what you woudn't say if you were not on alcohol.

  9. Have a hobbie, something that envolves other people. Maybe bike, trekking, jeeps, bikes... I don't know. Mine is amateur bartending. I love to make people drunk and crazy.

[–]andyff1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're going to read one post today OP, make it this one.

[–]Vaughnatri9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You eat what you kill. You don't kill, you don't eat.

You desperately crave acceptance and approval, but the catch is you haven't been doing the things necessary to deserve acceptance. Which makes you crave it even more.

Your perspective on women, sex, and love sounds grossly immature. Sex is great, but it sounds like that is your obsession and you've minimized the value of women down to only their genitalia. No female wants to spend the long term with a guy like that, so maybe it's time to retire from the pussy pedestal and learn to build a relationship based on love first.

Kill an education. Kill a skill set. Kill a career. Kill a place in life that you take great pride in. Kill love. Then you eat.

[–]Butt_Man_691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"First you get the money. Then you get the women. Then.....THEN...you get the power!"

[–]workdavework3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

What is this?

[–]Butt_Man_690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's true. Plus we should live longer now they say.

[–]LaPiluleRouge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gym is a great start.

32... Go back to learn something, at worst by 35 you will have something to work with and you still have a 30 career in front of you!

For women, one step at a time. Build yourself first, it will improve your SMV. If you really need girl, there is girl that sell you this stuff your looking for at shows you how little pussy can cost and lower your cost everytime.

[–]greeneggsnhammy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to change this self defeating talk. There's more to life than sex. Quit watching porn. Quit calling yourself shy. Man the hell up and walk out that front door with some confidence. Self-assurance, self-esteem, and happiness all start from within. Look at /r/decidingtobebetter and other resources. If you want to change your life YOU have to change your life. You've got this. Believe in yourself. Attitude is everything. You need NO ONE else to tell you your value or worth. Quit looking at yourself through your parents lenses and get out into the world. "You can change everything you want right now. No job, no bank account, no money. It all comes down to a choice, right now, between fear, or love."

[–]thatoneguy952 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hopefully I'm not too late to this party.

What your post tells me is that you recently went through a pretty crushing life experience, but you learned something from it - this is key. A chapter of your life has ended and now you need to do what everybody does once they reach the end of something: they start over. This time, you have the redpill. This time, you know what the pain can feel like. This time, you should absolutely be able to go above and beyond what you accomplished last time. The only thing holding you back is your attitude, so I'm going to tell you what you want to hear: Snap the fuck out of it. Go to Asia, call it your 'coming of age experience,' then come back and start from scratch. Get a job, any job. Go to school, if that's what you want. 32 is not that old. You called your life a joke, but the best part about jokes is that afterwards, you get to laugh about it. I think you know what you need to do, so go do it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm you without ever getting a gf. You are doing well, lol.

[–]Kiwikeeper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you feel you're not doing enough do more shit. That's the only advice you need.

[–]ThisShitRules0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gradual changes are changes that stick. You started lifting, that's good. Get obsessed with it. Get your diet straight. It's absolutely crucial part of the whole lifting thing.

Find hobbies, learn to play guitar, learn to code, read books. Get obsessed with that as well. Pussy will take the backseat and as it goes in life, when you stop trying to get some and live your life it happens.

I know the feeling though, it sucks, but you need to defeat the pain and move forward.

Also, don't spend time alone, try finding people to socialize. People you like. It's better to be alone than with someone who's company you don't enjoy.

I always thought I hated being among people until I started living in a dorm. But the people here made me realize that it's not the truth. Now I feel like shit if I'm alone for too long.

Take chances. Maybe go study something, maybe go do that abroad.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the best thing you can do is learn to draw happiness from other sources. Remember that women, sex, etc are just a part of what makes you, you. These experiences are not the whole but a part that makes the whole. So remember that you are a culmination of all the experiences that has occurred.

I am younger but almost in the same boat as you and I wish I could put together the money to travel to another country on my own. But the more important part is well me and in this case you. Take care of you, do something different, be spontaneous. Freedom is when you can do whatever the fuck you want without any of the consequences.

[–]Butt_Man_690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You sound normal honestly in regards to mental health but not to make you paranoid, I saw you have a fear of abandonment. That is only one in nine symptoms for borderline. Ask your counselor. They may brush you off, but if you actually had something like that you could make a lot of progress. Course having a relationship for four years points in the total opposite direction.

As for money goodwill offers a cheap or free fork lift training for one day. That could get you a 9-14 an hour job. That is a skill so it makes you look responsible and more rare to employers. Less people are trained in it and getting trained on the job is not popular with employers.

Also you could do hypnotherapy for self confidence perhaps. Never done it but read that it is approved. By the American psychological association.

Also remember though this is a great place for advice, when dealing with goals telling people about your goals has been proven for so long to hinder actual results because the preacher meant praise works like actual praise in feeling completion.

[–]NeophileFiles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be really careful in Asia, especially if you're going to South East Asia. As a white man you will attract attention from women, many of them with bad intentions. A man with your issues surrounding women and acceptance is extremely vulnerable to being victimized. Things end very badly for some men in Asia. People end up ruined or in prison or having to call their families to rescue them via huge sums of money.

All manner of scams and corruption are waiting right below the surface, and it's often through women that many men get dragged into them. It's unbelievably common and you are an absolutely prime candidate for this kind of thing.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'd drop the trip to Asia. I've been to Asia 4x for about 5 months total. It didn't make me stronger, richer, or more powerful. It created a few good stories and that is about it. Take the money and invest in you.

It is going to feel great.

Where do you live? I've been going through something similar but I'm a bit further down the road, especially financially. PM me.

[–]6482621 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Traveling is an investment in yourself in my opinion. Not the fifth time to the same place, but the first time when its outside your comfort zone? Hell yes. Just sitting on that airplane for 10 hours is an experience. New smells, customs, tastes. It's healthy for the mind to see something different.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It sounds like you are talking about vacation as motivation. There is a lot of discussion on this subreddit on motivation vs discipline. Motivation is cool but what OP really needs is discipline. The doors that a vacation unlocks in your mind are psychological, those doors aren't really locked at all. You don't need to go to some exotic place or have some life changing experience to open those doors. What you need is to commit to action, and to acknowledge that the barriers in your mind are just that- in your mind alone.

And I didn't go to the same place each time.

[–]6482620 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Based on what OP is saying about his life I believe a two month trip would give some motivation and it will require some discipline, but yes - you're absolutely right.

It sounds like you've travelled quite a bit, and so have I. At some point it absolutely reached a point where traveling just to travel is now just a waste of time, but that first big trip I took is something that opened a lot of the doors you are talking about. Vacation sounds like sitting on my ass drinking a beer at a beach resort - very boring. I tried it, but the only real value I got from that was a disconnect from my usual life. A relaxing time, but nothing new added.

Traveling is one aspect of experiencing the world, like having a threesome, reading a mind blowing book, climbing a big mountain. It is a lot of fun, but it is fun because we grow as people from those experiences. It doesn't give more money or muscles, or any other item signifying power over others. But it expands the feeling of power and control over yourself. In my mind the number one meaning of life is to grow as a person through new experiences - and we get those outside our comfort zone.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough. You had me at threesome

[–]josephisalive-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Give /r/nofap a shot

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]josephisalive-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow that's impressive. My longest streak was 4 years ago around 40 days, and since then, only 17 days at most. Currently I'm at 16 days.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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