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We dated on and off for ~4.5 years. I'm a 21-year old college guy, and been together since high school. She's broken up with me 4 times now throughout the years, and honestly I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm done for good. I shouldn't have let it happen this many times, I know.

I'm looking to completely move on and get over her bitchy, unappreciative, wishy-washy self. I'm also looking to build more self-confidence.

What are some things I can do to make it easier? My goal is to be completely over her. To not give two shits about who she's with or what she's doing. To be emotionally free to move on and start meeting other women.

Thanks.


[–]2a318 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The best way to start off is to block her on everything. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Remove her family as well. Cut all ties block her number. Change house key, garage code etc if applicable. Move forward don't look back. Don't try to not think about her because you will and it's inevitable. Just cope, move on, better yourself.

[–]Hippostalker 12 points12 points [recovered] | Copy Link

  1. cut all contact, remove everything that reminds you of her (you can hide stuff if you don't want to throw it away).
  2. read "no more mr.nice guy"
  3. lift weights.
  4. spend time with men.
  5. go fuck 10 other women.

[–]makorunner5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

This is going to sound like shit, but try and erase her from your life. Like remove your connections with her, unfriend her on facebook, don't go to a party if she's there, don't socialize with her period. If she's done this with you four times already I guranfuckingtee you she will be texting you at some point in the future. Ignore it. Become stone cold to her wants and needs, they simply aren't yours anymore. Then, find something to focus on, school, fitness, anything you can to not think about her. And go get good at it. Basically, pretend she never existed, go to the gym, and improve yourself for you. It sounds harsh, but it will work. Also it'd going to suck, but next time you have a breakup, you'll have some practice on what to do/not do. Good luck man.

[–]elijahshack[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Thanks a lot for the advice. What can I do whenever I start wondering who she's with, what she's doing, etc.? How can I stop worrying about that shit?

[–]newmeforever4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You chomp on those feels because it's over and what's done is done.

You will appear weak if you get back with her, just live with a abundance mentality and start improving yourself 110%.

Lift, dont fap, and talk to other girls.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Any reason why not to fap?

[–]newmeforever1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

"basically you conserve energy/hormones/emotion/focus and are able to channel them into other things"

I would agree with that statement, and equally the effect dopamine has on your mood. I wondered if what you were talking about was in relation to the effect on ones mood or whether it was the testosterone spike. This answers that nicely.

[–]newmeforever0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

hope it helped, brother.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm dealing with this right now, and what made me more or less care-free was realizing that whatever shit she's done to you, she will do to any and all other guys. [Insert frog/scorpion parable here.]

[–]elijahshack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

DUDE YES.

One of my friends told me the same thing. Even if she gets in a relationship with someone else and they seem happy, etc., it's only a matter of time before she starts pulling the same shit with them.

[–]razormachine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you think about her a lot your brain becomes kind of a hardwired, and makes her pop into your mind more often. It can drive you crazy. Do not give yourself time to think about her and if you do then shock yourself. Not literally with electricity (although it would work) you can bite your tongue, splash your face with some cold water, howl at the moon. With time you will think less and less about her.

[–]kevinskene4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

  1. Allow yourself a SPECIFIC amount of time to grieve. We have to give ourselves time to feel, but don’t let this get out of hand. Tell yourself the amount of days or weeks that you will let yourself sulk, after that period of time, dedicate ALL your energy to moving on.

  2. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. This is hard to do, but once you are ready to move on, this will be a HUGE emotional SWITCH for you. Anything she doesn’t want, throw away.

  3. Block her on Facebook, all social media, and block her cell number. I’m talking straight-up BANISH her from your world. Delete photos, texts, no birthday wishes, get rid of it all, NOTHING.

  4. Tell your closest friends that you’re getting over her and ask them to NOT talk about her. Your environment helps pave the path for your future, don’t have her name be apart of it.

  5. Be social. Do everything you can to be social with friends, meet new people, fake smile if you have to. Do fun things.

  6. Learn something new. Learning something new fills that hole left behind from your relationship. Being there for a significant other gave us the validation of having purpose, but when you pick up a new hobby and fill all of your free time with it, it speeds up your growth EXPONENTIALLY. When I broke up with my Ex, I learned guitar. It’s fucking awesome because I could do it ANYTIME I was at home – I could see myself improving daily.

  7. Learn to be single. One of the most common things that happen to a newly single bachelor is falling right back into another emotional relationship with a new woman. The reason this happens is because you have spent a metric fuckton of time being a “boyfriend”, so that’s all you know how to do. Time to learn how to be single. That’s what I’m here for :)

[–]elijahshack[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude. This post is amazing. Thank you so much. I just moved back to college into a new apartment with 3 good friends and this has made things immeasurably easier. I threw away some of the stuff she gave me, and some of the more meaningful stuff I packed in a box and put in the garage so I don't have to see it for a long time. I have been running a lot, trying to eat healthier, talking to new people, and just learning to be comfortable being single. It gets easier every day. In 3 days it'll be one month since the breakup. The last time I contacted her was about 3 weeks ago. I deleted her number from my phone and unfollowed her on Instagram. I still have her on Facebook and Snapchat though, and I will admit that from time to time I do find myself checking up on her. It's hard for me to completely cut all ties. But it doesn't affect me nearly as much as I thought it would.

And as weird as it sounds, whenever I find myself wondering who she's with or what she's doing, I just tell myself that I don't care, that I don't give a single shit. No contact definitely makes things much easier.

Thanks! Sorry for the rambling reply.

[–]kevinskene0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Elijah. I fucking love you bro.

Taking action and seeing results? You rock.

When we have easy access to check up on them, it's easy. But when we cut those ties, it's wayy easier to keep it off your mind. The harder you make it, the easier it is to stick to your goal.

I appreciate the reply man.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've done that 5 or 6 times over the past year and like OP, I still think about her a lot. Whoever I'm out with I find myself comparing them to her and they fall short. Sometimes I hate her but she's still in my thoughts.

[–]thecrazytexan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude, there's nothing that makes it 'quicker' except maybe a sudden new LOVE but seeing as that is unlikely. Just buckle up and take the hurt reasonably. Accept that it was good while it lasted and that its over now. Realize you'll probably still care about her, and that's normal, but don't let it dominate your emotion. Don't lock it away in some corner of your heart, just accept it, let it pass through you, and use that acceptance to move on.

[–]Raskolnikov18171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I generally make a trip to local brothel/massage parlor or find a guy through grindr (im bisexual).

This all depends on you relate to her. My most recent ex wasnt with me together, so while I needed a week break from anything to do with them we can still have good talks.

However, if this woman is poisoning your thoughts it is worth just cutting off contact for awhile, its also worth listening to angry breakupo music for a while.

[–]monzzter2210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to cut all interactions. Facebook, everything. Don't care about "coming off butthurt" to her, you aren't trying to impress her at this point, so it doesn't matter how she takes it.

Second, get it in where it fits in. You need to go get in some guts. Do the horizontal boogie. Fuck some vagina.

Right now.

Preferably from women you don't like as people. You don't wanna go rebound and get attached to another broad this quick do you? Then you have to hate her guts aside the ones betwixt her legs.

That's where our emotions really stem from for women, is the security we convince ourselves we have of pussy supply from them, and the lack of confidence in our abilities to get it elsewhere. Once you start getting it elsewhere and you stop seeing her face everywhere, you will be over that shit in a few weeks.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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