TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

10
11

I was born with a birth defect that prevents my pituitary gland from generate any growth hormones or testosterone.

So to grow beyond the size of a baby, I have had to take shots/medication for most my life, from age 5 to now going onto 53 years of living.

My parents and younger brothers are all doctors, highly successful people, and I'm the not so much of anything.

I was told at a young age I would never be able to have kids, most women barely notice that I'm alive.

At age 53, I am taking my testosterone and thyroid medication, but most days, I am just very low energy.

A few months ago, I went to a personal trainer, and my energy level and fitness started to get a little better, but it was way too expensive for me to do for any length of time, especially since I'm unemployed.

I've always had this feeling I'm only alive waiting for the right moment to die, because I couldn't possibly expect any happiness or success in my life.

I've been in therapy many times, and while it helps me get a little better, my overall energy level is always very low.

I live in my own home, supported by my parents, because I just have no dreams, no drive.

I want something more from my life, and I hate being handicapped.

I hate that everytime I go to a restuarant I am mistaken for being female, when I'm not.

I hate being so different with my ear / jaw disformity that I am sure I scare people away.

Women have made it clear they are not attracted to me.

So wtf is a guy supposed to do?

Just wait till I get motivated enough to kill myself?


[–]maritimecanuck 6 points6 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Do pushups, bodyweight squats, chinup on monkey bars at a school. Fuck not having a girlfriend or wife. Yeah they are great at times, but at the same time, they can be a fucking headache too. Live life for yourself, do what you enjoy. I realize you say you have no dreams and no drive. Bullshit. Everyone has something deep deep down that they want for themselves or the world. I've been through depression a few times, and I reckon that is what you're going through. I know exactly what you're feeling, I know the emptiness, the lack of drive and believing that you have no dreams. You DO have dreams, the depression is just hiding them. What did you want to do when you were 12 years old? Can't remember? What is it now that bothers you about the world? Animal cruelty - begin volunteering at the SPCA. Hate the political system in your country? Contact your local representative to talk with them. How about this - you could even start a non-profit to help people going through the same thing as you. Don't know how to start that up? Look it up. The internet literally puts the collective knowledge of mankind at our very fingertips, take advantage of it. I've gone from being in a deep depression and being in a very shitty place to being highly successful financially, mentally and socially. As cliche as it sounds, if I can do it, so can you.

Check out chadhowsefitness.com, that is a great way to transform in the person that you'll want to become. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to DM me.

Another thing to do would be check out /r/TheRedPill. Ignore the bullshit about women and pull out the stuff to help you develop as a person.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

His name is literally Chad.

[–]crosenblum[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I've checked TRP, and I'm reading that regularly.

What I want really is to be a leader, I am leader of a Toastmasters Club in my area, and I enjoy that to the max.

But the rest of my life is very empty and dark.

No job, very few if any friends, no girlfriend.

[–]alpha_n3rd2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Join the masons, you sound like the kind of guy who would love it, it's all kinds of crazy ceremonies and dress up games and moral tales and stuff.

*They do a lot of formal toasts

*you could also try ham radio

[–]crosenblum[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's the part that bother's me, I'm not that crazy, yet, lol.

[–]maritimecanuck 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Well thats awesome that you're enjoying it! That's one thing to live for right there. Ever thought of making your own job?

[–]crosenblum[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I love Toastmasters, and just trying to see how to make a career out of it, from years of being a shy handicapped introvert geek, not so easy, lol.

All I see for jobs based on my experience are either Fast food, warehouse, retail jobs, and I really don't want that.

[–]maritimecanuck 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

But you have to start somewhere, but good for you about seeing what you can do with Toastmasters. Keep it up. Another incredible resource is dangerandplay.com Mike Cernovich's book is mind blowingly good and could definitely help take someone's life from shit to unbelievable

[–]crosenblum[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

dangerandplay.com

Nice site.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Given this:

I am leader of a Toastmasters Club in my area

this:

very few if any friends

seems very fixable with some of this and a hobby.

[–]crosenblum[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not that there aren't things I want to do everyday, I just can't get myself to do them.

Somedays, I can get things done, and feel busy and accomplishment, other days, I can't get out of bed barely and I still decades later still have no idea why.

I just do not feel in control of my own energy levels, I feel it has become something that is out of my control, that even if I have crap loads of things to do, the energy isn't there, to do anything.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I daresay that's not only common, but normal.

It's great that you have those opportunities.

[–]6482623 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Take this the right way.

Don't look for motivation, because discipline is how you get consistency in your results.

You've taken medication your entire life. Why? Motivation? No, because it's just something you decided you need to do. You've been disciplined about it and it has been important enough for you to follow up on. Month in, month out.

Your energy levels peaked a bit when you went to a personal trainer. What made your energy levels and fitness rise? Your effort, or the PT? Go for a walk, the gym or somewhere to get your body going - and be disciplined about it. This should be non-negotiable.

You have a dream of doing something more in life. It seems you do not know what specifically that is, and therefore naturally how to get there. Your foundation is a lot different than mine so I can't define it for you. But forget those 53 years for a second. When you look at the time between now and January 1st. What would be a fun experience in that timeframe? It can be Christmas shopping in a neighboring town, or have sex with a nasty prostitute. Whatever your tingle may be.

Set a goal, figure out how, execute plan, reflect on experience. Repeat, expand and develop.

You are 53 years old and you're talking about suicide. What do you have to lose? I would say everything is an option. Have fun, go mad - as they say.

[–]glottony2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man. I have no idea what you're going through.

There are many ways one can be a man. If not a motivated, office-working man, maybe a creative man. Maybe a craftsman, composer, the possibilities exist. Where are you? If your society supports those with this illness, maybe you could try exploring the limits of your condition.

Pituitary issue? If you don't mind, what's the exact term for it? Hypopituitarism? If you aren't testosterone resistant, you might want to ask your doctor about dosage. Your description of what you're going through does not sound to me like good quality of life.

Your brothers may not be endocrinologists and there are new days ahead. It is never the day to give up. I wish you well, brother. Hit me up anytime.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had stumbled on a PDF a few years ago from testosterone.io that really helped me naturally boost my levels.

Also, the trainer cost thing can be avoided if you do group workouts (meetup.com) or with friends.

I live in my own home, supported by my parents, because I just have no dreams, no drive.

Why not find a dream or drive? It's never too late. You seem like you're intelligent to produce coherent sentences. Why not teach others about something you know a lot about. Or maybe become a scientist and work on fixing your own health defects and others as well.

[–]Seuguh-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Forget what these guys are telling you here and get on some damn prohormones. Gst your hands on some HGH, some deca, some tren etc. If you have a medical condition thats affecting your growth, just hop on some serious roids man. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? Fuck personal trainers man. Just spend time on youtube learning the exercises and the correct form, read a lot of articles, and practice. Just get on a 5x5 Strength program first like Reg Parks' Beginner 5x5. Find a source of income so you can afford the roids and go all out.

Find he biggest and most shredded gym rat at your gym and ask him if he could help you find some steroids. Your doctor will never prescribe you the good stuff that will really affect you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter