TheRedArchive

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Hi everyone. I know, I should sound like a whiny bitch. I've talked to some people already, and I know what I need to do, but I feel so low that I can't seem to get myself to take the first step. This lingering ache of self doubt is hanging over my head. Any advice?


[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Focus on getting a few small wins under your belt. This will build momentum.

  • Instead of taking on a whole gym regimen, start by committing to 7 days of a 5 minute walk/jog. Or 10 pushups a day for a week. Then build up from that.
  • Instead of trying to ask a hot girl out, commit to asking one man and one woman per day for the time. Dont worry about trying to have a further conversation, just get the time and go.

Basically, take any task youre stumbling on and dial it back to make it really, really easy and achieveable. Then repeat that for about a week and then add one more very small thing to it. Then do that for a week. Then add another, and another, and so on.

You need momentum. And only wins will bring that.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This, exactly. Just like that old adage..."How do you eat a 4,000lb elephant?" - the answer is "One bite at a time."

Write a list of all the things you need to change. Spend all your energy on just one. One that's relatively easy to accomplish. Then move on to #2, etc. It took you a long time to get to this point, it's going to take you a long time go get out of it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly right. And, if your list are big things, then it is important to take each item and break it down into its separate parts and then focus on one "bite" at a time until you've eaten the whole thing.

[–]Unwanted_Commentary 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"That's how you devour a hwayle Doug, one bite at a time." -FU

[–]vorverk 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Plan yourself exact mimi tasks and stick to them no matter what. Be as detailed as possible. Exact dates, hours, minutes, what will you do, how much etc. Plan exact workout, reps sets, minutes, etc. Then just follow it. Like a zombie. Just dont think about it and do it.

And go easy on yourself at the start. Don't plan 7 workouts per week for 3 hours per day.

[–]kevinisaperson 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

easier to read than follow. we aren't zombies, head space is important

[–]vorverk 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course it's not easy.

But studies show that planning exact time, location and task can dramaticly increase chances of completing them then vague plans like "1-4 sets" or "some time tomorrow".

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think my comment pretty much echo's the top commenters but I'll throw it out there anyhow. I find that when I experience this kind of paralysis in my life that I also feel that I don't have control of my life. All I see is all my problems rolled into one big insurmountable ball. The way I'm beginning to combat this is identifying all the things I have to do in writing. I then take those things and break them down into small easy to accomplish tasks. I then set about completing the small easy tasks one by one. Soon enough I've accomplished my big goals and it didn't even feel like I put in the gigantic amount of effort needed even though I did.

Hope this helps!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Simple really.

Either your actions today will bring you to an even more miserable point. Or they mark the beginning of your upwards journey.

Stagnation is an illusion. Even the smallest positive change is still positive change.

You know this. There is nothing to doubt about. It's a choice between misery and growth.

Choose.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right, doing something still feels better than doing nothing. Today I was too busy with chores and work to dwell on my self-pity. It's something.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You know I am also sort of in the same situation as you. I didn't know what to do but then something in me had to grow up so I started dressing nicer. So maybe if you dressed a little nicer and went out it may help you. Dressing nicer is as easy is getting a dress shirt, belt, and dress pants while getting the right patterns. Maybe that will let you realize that you can look better.

The point is start with something easy and then hope that it will help you move on to be the man you wish you can be. And remember that improvement won't happen overnight it takes time. After all Rome wasn't built in a day.

[–]gsobillnye2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

/r/frugalmalefashion is a godsend

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So is Craigslist and thift stores.

[–]Jewptylianin 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cold showers might help. It's small, it's good for you, when you come out of this cold hell you really feel like tou can do it, whetever it is. Works for me. Also you will fail. All the time. Even with this shower thing. Failing is ok.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Barely_Intrepid 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'll throw my 2c, there's a lot of good advice here but this was crucial for me. I would cycle highs and lows. During the lows I would do similar exercises as those mentioned here and they would help, but i was still a victim of my circumstances and a spat of bad luck could send me spiraling right back down.

Study philosophy, real philosophy. Read or listen to Plato and Aristotle. It's all freely available online. There is a reason these men were studied by every great man in western history. This will provide a rational foundation to support your character. Start with The Republic and go from there.

Meditation is phenomenal as well. Also, stop watching porn, now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're right. Like junk food to the body, porn is junk food to the mind.

[–]Barely_Intrepid 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Cool. How are things coming along?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was really busy yesterday, so I didn't have time to wallow in self-pity. Which is a good thing I guess. At least something is happening.

[–]tonjaggart 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What's the first step for you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

excercise, workout. When I do it, I start telling myself I'm going to fail, and then I just stop. I get so self conscious after looking at myself in a mirror that I just give up.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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