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Girlfriend of 5+ Years Dumped Me

I posted this on the Bodybuilding MISC board, and someone told me I could get some great advice here, so I figured I would post what I posted over there, and see if anyone has any tips on how to get over her

Anyways, GF of 5+ years dumped me last night. Sadly I was with her most of my college years which I now regret. I thought she would be the one I marry, and she was my best friend. I told her everything, she told me everything, and we had a great time together.

We've been living apart the last 1.5 years, and that seems to be one of the causes of the break-up. Only an hour apart, but she says she "grew apart from me during this time." We lived apart after moving back home from college. I've been working in a different area than her, and wanted to save up as much $$$ as possible to pay off student loans. The plan was to move in together this summer, but that's obviously not happening.

I wasn't really expecting this at all. Back in December for about 2-3 days, she talked about possibly going on a "break" but after those 2-3 days passed, she was fine, and just said she was crazy, and depressed those days. She's seemed happy and normal since then. However, about 2 weeks ago she told me she was moving down South for a 8 weeks for work. I got a little depressed, because deep down I just had a feeling she was gonna break things off even though we had got along just fine. I mentioned it to her, and she said "No it's only 8 weeks! I love you, and as soon as I get back we will move in together." We then had a great rest of the weekend and I thought everything was fine.

Then last Friday comes. She talks to me all day, and acts completely normal again. Goes out drinking with her co-workers, and doesn't send me one message while she's out or even a goodnight. The next day she is ready to call it quits, and does it through the phone.

I was just in shock because we didn't even have a big fight, and a 5+ year relationship ends through the phone? I just thought she was going crazy again, but we meet up last night, and she's 100% sure of her decision. Already seems like she's moved on. She told her friends she was at peace having me out of her life, and showed no interest in working things out. Saw the texts on her phone, and she just acted like she had no heart. "Im getting ready to dump him lol." "I've been trying to ease him into it the last few days." "He's all devastated, and I feel a little bad, but I am at peace with the decision."

I'm depressed because she's my best friend, and I thought she was the one. I just feel so dumb for not realizing that she apparently didn't feel for me like I felt for her. Now I'm really struggling with dealing with this. I feel like a wimp, but I feel super lonely, alone, and just don't know how to stay out of contact with her. I've talked to her everyday for 5-6 years now.

Any advice on how to get over her, and not crave in and text/call her? No matter how hard I try, I still get the urge to text her. Right now, I am just really sad, and hope that maybe the 2 months away makes her miss me, and that she wants me back eventually. She sure doesn't seem like that will happen though. I'm still in the denial stage, and can't get over the fact that this is actually what she wants. It feels like a nightmare.

Deep down though, I know that I don't want her back. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that makes me feel the way I feel now. It's not worth it. I rarely, rarely show emotions, and I have been crying over it which shows how much it hurts me.

Sorry for the long rant, I'm just frustrated Lol, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: Cliffs -GF of 5+ years dumped me. Wasn't expecting it. She was my best friend, and girl I thought I would marry -She seems at peace with it, and 100% sure of her decision. I'm the exact opposite. I'm depressed. -She wants no contact, and I've talked to her every day for almost 6 years now. It's not easy for me, and I need some tips on how to avoid caving in and calling her. -Right now, I'm hoping that she will want me back, and realize she misses me, but deep down, I know I don't want to get back with her and this happen again. -Feel lonely, alone, and depressed.

[–][deleted] 37 points37 points

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[–]bossbang 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Pretty much this. You'd be blown away how many pillers are here whose first post was a carbon copy of what yours. Mine included.

[–]Ryuudou -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

This really only points out how bitter the place is, and that it's not the best place to consult for level-headed advice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Great effort with the criticism. And unsurprisingly you have zero real advice to offer.

[–]Ryuudou -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I was responding to a specific comment that points out a truth about the place.

It would not be appropriate to insert OP advice there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you have no problem expressing your opinion (vis a vis "bitter this place is") so pray tell what contribution can you make for this guy who is struggling to understand his reality?

I've been where he is. When I wanted to call her so bad and ask her to come back but I knew she'd see me as worthless for asking her back... You ever been there? Tell us about it. Or... maybe you don't really know.

Sniping or contributing?

[–]captainbloodd 77 points78 points  (4 children)

She's interested in one of her co-workers and has been fucking him or thinking about fucking him for awhile. My guess is she probably fucked him the night before she broke up with you.

If this is the case, she's a deceptive whore and did you a favor by breaking up with you. Be glad you didn't marry that slag.

DO NOT under any circumstances try to contact her or reply to any communication she might try with you. Delete her from your life now. Completely and forever.

[–]Not_Reliable 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Seriously, one day you're going to be bored and say "hey maybe I should text her"- NO. One day she'll text you and you think "oh I'll ask her whats up"-NO. Never means never, don't even think about her anymore, quit her cold turkey. I know it hurts now but after not talking to her for a few weeks/months you won't miss her nearly as much as you think you will.

[–]captainbloodd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This. A couple of years from now this will be a distant memory. Make sure you've learned something from this, OP.

[–]One__upper__ 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. There is most likely someone on the side who is involved with her in some capacity. That's why she wanted the break and that's why she is done now. It's possible that the guy didn't want a relationship back in December and is now wanting one. OP needs to move on and find someone who wants to be with him and isn't a conniving whore. He's better off without her.

[–]captainbloodd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well said. Hope OP is paying attention.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 62 points63 points  (6 children)

I thought she would be the one I marry, and she was my best friend. I told her everything, she told me everything

You should know, that's a big part of why she's leaving. You were acting inappropriately for your gender role (the man). She lost attraction. Not overnight either, it's something that took her months, gradual.

Those signs you saw and the "let's take a break" days, classic behavior of a woman who's teetering back-forth and "isn't sure of her feelings", but more and more is sure that she's "not haaaaaappy". You were oblivious because you never studied TRP lore.

So you're absolutely right, man. By the time she said "let's break it off" she was WAAAAAAY over it already. Women are extremely cruel and efficient like that, she won't let go of her branch (you) until she's sure she can grab hold of a new one (some guy she met while out, who she's fucking now). She was stringing you along at her convenience long after she knew it was over. Fact (they all do). And yes, she's already fucking some guy - that's 100% sure at this point. She was fucking someone new the very day she broke up with you, in all likelyhood. You gotta realize, you are the only one here who was in a "romance". She was in a transaction, that she deemed beneficial to her, until she saw that it wasn't any longer, so she gives you the boot. While it lasted she (like all women) pretends it's some romance thing to her, you're soulmates and all that shit; but deep down, you're a tool, a vehicle to her, a means to her ends. As soon as she didn't see the benefit, all bets were off instantly, she turns the "romance" off as easy as batting her eyelash (since it was never real to begin with, for the woman - men are the romantic gender, women are uncompromising pragmatists in this sense) and you're worse than a stranger to her now.

Second reason why she's leaving: it was time, the clock was ticking on your relationship. Human sexual unions are not designed for "happily ever after". There's evidence for built-in psychological and even physiological mechanisms which kick in in full force around the 2 to 5 year mark, and there's nothing you can do about it. Not even if you're TRP maestro and your game is tight as fuck. The thing just wears out, either for both of you, or (if you're a more blue pill man) then for the woman. Women are all naturally Red Pillers, completely ruthless and will disregard everyone's expectations when it comes to pursuing their mating strategy.

she's my best friend, and I thought she was the one

TRP nuggets of import: Women are not your friends. Treat them as such and they lose attraction for you, disrespect you, and leave. Male buddies are your friends. Women are always women, there's always an agenda, and she's always looking out for herself - not your best interest as a true (male) friend would. Even when no sex is involved (like if the woman's disfigured ugly), women make absolutely shit friends.

There is no "One". (but still many "ones" for you to enjoy nevertheless). Read about this more on Rollo Tomassi's blog and weep.

I still get the urge to text her.

Best advice: Do not contact her in any way. Ever again. Delete and block her from your facebook/email/ everywhere. Dude, here's the bottom line. SHE unilaterally, singlehandedly terminated your relationship with extreme prejudice. Let that sink in. She took you out like a dog into the backwoods, petted you, smiled all cute and then shot your ass dead. There's nothing to say, nothing to do, it's over.

Don't worry, she has a heart, but new guys are in that heart, not you. For you she feels absolutely fucking nothing. You show any sign of weakness, wanting her back, stalking her, trying to "talk", and that nothing in her heart will turn into pure, unadulterated contempt for you.

You found TRP at the right time, your grief is your friend, if you channel it right (by studying the sidebar and best-of posts), in time you'll change in ways you never thought possible and look back on this emotional hell hole you're in at the moment, and smile a bittersweet smile of true victory. Which is self-victory, and unplugging from the Matrix. Take the fucking Red Pill, I dare you dude, and start writhing until you're strong enough to get up and walk tall again, and slay fresh young pussy.

[–]pleasedontknowme30 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I need to read this everyday for the next 2 years.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–]New_Horiz0ns 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Medicine don't taste good (Patrice)

[–]HV123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gold! (if i could or knew how I would give it to you!)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was where you are a few months ago (but it was not that hard though). this

in time you'll change in ways you never thought possible and look back on this emotional hell hole you're in at the moment, and smile a bittersweet smile of true victory.

this is true.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (5 children)

First -- She was your best friend. Best friend status is saved for the guys that can and have your back through anything. WOMEN CAN'T DO THAT. THEY LOVE CONDITIONALLY, only men can love unconditionally.

Second -- Read the sidebar of the parent sub, start working out, read a few books, start watching RSDTyler's youtube channel, and move on. You're a man, not a boy. While we appreciate you sharing, you've got to become a better man and get on track towards something important. Without a goal, shit like this will devastate you like it has. With a goal, a future girlfriend is an added bonus that doesn't hold your entire life together.

Look, in short, people have been through much worse. Here is a book that will change your entire life. Good luck:

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That best friend status is probably what killed the attraction a long time ago. Girlfriends are not buddies, nor should you treat and talk to them as such. Dude probably had 0 frame, was too needy and invested (while she was clearly not), and now he has nothing to show for it.

Best advice for OP: read the Red Pill sidebar, read books like No More Mr. Nice Guy and Models, lift weights, invest yourself in hobbies, know what goals you want out of life, and go meet/date/pickup women.