Girlfriend of 5+ Years Dumped Me (self.asktrp)

submitted by MSU81

Girlfriend of 5+ Years Dumped Me

I posted this on the Bodybuilding MISC board, and someone told me I could get some great advice here, so I figured I would post what I posted over there, and see if anyone has any tips on how to get over her

Anyways, GF of 5+ years dumped me last night. Sadly I was with her most of my college years which I now regret. I thought she would be the one I marry, and she was my best friend. I told her everything, she told me everything, and we had a great time together.

We've been living apart the last 1.5 years, and that seems to be one of the causes of the break-up. Only an hour apart, but she says she "grew apart from me during this time." We lived apart after moving back home from college. I've been working in a different area than her, and wanted to save up as much $$$ as possible to pay off student loans. The plan was to move in together this summer, but that's obviously not happening.

I wasn't really expecting this at all. Back in December for about 2-3 days, she talked about possibly going on a "break" but after those 2-3 days passed, she was fine, and just said she was crazy, and depressed those days. She's seemed happy and normal since then. However, about 2 weeks ago she told me she was moving down South for a 8 weeks for work. I got a little depressed, because deep down I just had a feeling she was gonna break things off even though we had got along just fine. I mentioned it to her, and she said "No it's only 8 weeks! I love you, and as soon as I get back we will move in together." We then had a great rest of the weekend and I thought everything was fine.

Then last Friday comes. She talks to me all day, and acts completely normal again. Goes out drinking with her co-workers, and doesn't send me one message while she's out or even a goodnight. The next day she is ready to call it quits, and does it through the phone.

I was just in shock because we didn't even have a big fight, and a 5+ year relationship ends through the phone? I just thought she was going crazy again, but we meet up last night, and she's 100% sure of her decision. Already seems like she's moved on. She told her friends she was at peace having me out of her life, and showed no interest in working things out. Saw the texts on her phone, and she just acted like she had no heart. "Im getting ready to dump him lol." "I've been trying to ease him into it the last few days." "He's all devastated, and I feel a little bad, but I am at peace with the decision."

I'm depressed because she's my best friend, and I thought she was the one. I just feel so dumb for not realizing that she apparently didn't feel for me like I felt for her. Now I'm really struggling with dealing with this. I feel like a wimp, but I feel super lonely, alone, and just don't know how to stay out of contact with her. I've talked to her everyday for 5-6 years now.

Any advice on how to get over her, and not crave in and text/call her? No matter how hard I try, I still get the urge to text her. Right now, I am just really sad, and hope that maybe the 2 months away makes her miss me, and that she wants me back eventually. She sure doesn't seem like that will happen though. I'm still in the denial stage, and can't get over the fact that this is actually what she wants. It feels like a nightmare.

Deep down though, I know that I don't want her back. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that makes me feel the way I feel now. It's not worth it. I rarely, rarely show emotions, and I have been crying over it which shows how much it hurts me.

Sorry for the long rant, I'm just frustrated Lol, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: Cliffs -GF of 5+ years dumped me. Wasn't expecting it. She was my best friend, and girl I thought I would marry -She seems at peace with it, and 100% sure of her decision. I'm the exact opposite. I'm depressed. -She wants no contact, and I've talked to her every day for almost 6 years now. It's not easy for me, and I need some tips on how to avoid caving in and calling her. -Right now, I'm hoping that she will want me back, and realize she misses me, but deep down, I know I don't want to get back with her and this happen again. -Feel lonely, alone, and depressed.

[–][deleted] 37 points37 points

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[–]bossbang 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Pretty much this. You'd be blown away how many pillers are here whose first post was a carbon copy of what yours. Mine included.

[–]Ryuudou -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

This really only points out how bitter the place is, and that it's not the best place to consult for level-headed advice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Great effort with the criticism. And unsurprisingly you have zero real advice to offer.

[–]Ryuudou -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I was responding to a specific comment that points out a truth about the place.

It would not be appropriate to insert OP advice there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you have no problem expressing your opinion (vis a vis "bitter this place is") so pray tell what contribution can you make for this guy who is struggling to understand his reality?

I've been where he is. When I wanted to call her so bad and ask her to come back but I knew she'd see me as worthless for asking her back... You ever been there? Tell us about it. Or... maybe you don't really know.

Sniping or contributing?

[–]captainbloodd 77 points78 points  (4 children)

She's interested in one of her co-workers and has been fucking him or thinking about fucking him for awhile. My guess is she probably fucked him the night before she broke up with you.

If this is the case, she's a deceptive whore and did you a favor by breaking up with you. Be glad you didn't marry that slag.

DO NOT under any circumstances try to contact her or reply to any communication she might try with you. Delete her from your life now. Completely and forever.

[–]Not_Reliable 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Seriously, one day you're going to be bored and say "hey maybe I should text her"- NO. One day she'll text you and you think "oh I'll ask her whats up"-NO. Never means never, don't even think about her anymore, quit her cold turkey. I know it hurts now but after not talking to her for a few weeks/months you won't miss her nearly as much as you think you will.

[–]captainbloodd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This. A couple of years from now this will be a distant memory. Make sure you've learned something from this, OP.

[–]One__upper__ 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. There is most likely someone on the side who is involved with her in some capacity. That's why she wanted the break and that's why she is done now. It's possible that the guy didn't want a relationship back in December and is now wanting one. OP needs to move on and find someone who wants to be with him and isn't a conniving whore. He's better off without her.

[–]captainbloodd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well said. Hope OP is paying attention.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 62 points63 points  (6 children)

I thought she would be the one I marry, and she was my best friend. I told her everything, she told me everything

You should know, that's a big part of why she's leaving. You were acting inappropriately for your gender role (the man). She lost attraction. Not overnight either, it's something that took her months, gradual.

Those signs you saw and the "let's take a break" days, classic behavior of a woman who's teetering back-forth and "isn't sure of her feelings", but more and more is sure that she's "not haaaaaappy". You were oblivious because you never studied TRP lore.

So you're absolutely right, man. By the time she said "let's break it off" she was WAAAAAAY over it already. Women are extremely cruel and efficient like that, she won't let go of her branch (you) until she's sure she can grab hold of a new one (some guy she met while out, who she's fucking now). She was stringing you along at her convenience long after she knew it was over. Fact (they all do). And yes, she's already fucking some guy - that's 100% sure at this point. She was fucking someone new the very day she broke up with you, in all likelyhood. You gotta realize, you are the only one here who was in a "romance". She was in a transaction, that she deemed beneficial to her, until she saw that it wasn't any longer, so she gives you the boot. While it lasted she (like all women) pretends it's some romance thing to her, you're soulmates and all that shit; but deep down, you're a tool, a vehicle to her, a means to her ends. As soon as she didn't see the benefit, all bets were off instantly, she turns the "romance" off as easy as batting her eyelash (since it was never real to begin with, for the woman - men are the romantic gender, women are uncompromising pragmatists in this sense) and you're worse than a stranger to her now.

Second reason why she's leaving: it was time, the clock was ticking on your relationship. Human sexual unions are not designed for "happily ever after". There's evidence for built-in psychological and even physiological mechanisms which kick in in full force around the 2 to 5 year mark, and there's nothing you can do about it. Not even if you're TRP maestro and your game is tight as fuck. The thing just wears out, either for both of you, or (if you're a more blue pill man) then for the woman. Women are all naturally Red Pillers, completely ruthless and will disregard everyone's expectations when it comes to pursuing their mating strategy.

she's my best friend, and I thought she was the one

TRP nuggets of import: Women are not your friends. Treat them as such and they lose attraction for you, disrespect you, and leave. Male buddies are your friends. Women are always women, there's always an agenda, and she's always looking out for herself - not your best interest as a true (male) friend would. Even when no sex is involved (like if the woman's disfigured ugly), women make absolutely shit friends.

There is no "One". (but still many "ones" for you to enjoy nevertheless). Read about this more on Rollo Tomassi's blog and weep.

I still get the urge to text her.

Best advice: Do not contact her in any way. Ever again. Delete and block her from your facebook/email/ everywhere. Dude, here's the bottom line. SHE unilaterally, singlehandedly terminated your relationship with extreme prejudice. Let that sink in. She took you out like a dog into the backwoods, petted you, smiled all cute and then shot your ass dead. There's nothing to say, nothing to do, it's over.

Don't worry, she has a heart, but new guys are in that heart, not you. For you she feels absolutely fucking nothing. You show any sign of weakness, wanting her back, stalking her, trying to "talk", and that nothing in her heart will turn into pure, unadulterated contempt for you.

You found TRP at the right time, your grief is your friend, if you channel it right (by studying the sidebar and best-of posts), in time you'll change in ways you never thought possible and look back on this emotional hell hole you're in at the moment, and smile a bittersweet smile of true victory. Which is self-victory, and unplugging from the Matrix. Take the fucking Red Pill, I dare you dude, and start writhing until you're strong enough to get up and walk tall again, and slay fresh young pussy.

[–]pleasedontknowme30 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I need to read this everyday for the next 2 years.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–]New_Horiz0ns 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Medicine don't taste good (Patrice)

[–]HV123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gold! (if i could or knew how I would give it to you!)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was where you are a few months ago (but it was not that hard though). this

in time you'll change in ways you never thought possible and look back on this emotional hell hole you're in at the moment, and smile a bittersweet smile of true victory.

this is true.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (5 children)

First -- She was your best friend. Best friend status is saved for the guys that can and have your back through anything. WOMEN CAN'T DO THAT. THEY LOVE CONDITIONALLY, only men can love unconditionally.

Second -- Read the sidebar of the parent sub http://www.reddit.com/r/theredpill, start working out, read a few books, start watching RSDTyler's youtube channel, and move on. You're a man, not a boy. While we appreciate you sharing, you've got to become a better man and get on track towards something important. Without a goal, shit like this will devastate you like it has. With a goal, a future girlfriend is an added bonus that doesn't hold your entire life together.

Look, in short, people have been through much worse. Here is a book that will change your entire life. Good luck: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That best friend status is probably what killed the attraction a long time ago. Girlfriends are not buddies, nor should you treat and talk to them as such. Dude probably had 0 frame, was too needy and invested (while she was clearly not), and now he has nothing to show for it.

Best advice for OP: read the Red Pill sidebar, read books like No More Mr. Nice Guy and Models, lift weights, invest yourself in hobbies, know what goals you want out of life, and go meet/date/pickup women.

[–]-Tyler_Durden- 3 points3 points [recovered]

He was never her best friend.

[–]2niczar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I disagree; he probably slowly turned into her best gay friend.

[–]3Gf93bMtX3 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Actually, women CAN love unconditionally. But not their partners only their children.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some them of them aren't even capable of this because they are caught too much in their narcissism and solipsism.

[–]BooksofMagic 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Back in December for about 2-3 days, she talked about possibly going on a "break" but after those 2-3 days passed, she was fine

This was your flashing red warning sign. Any time a chick asks for a break, they have their mind on someone else.

Then last Friday comes. She talks to me all day, and acts completely normal again. Goes out drinking with her co-workers, and doesn't send me one message while she's out or even a goodnight. The next day she is ready to call it quits, and does it through the phone.

This is when she fucked him.

Sorry dude. You're young and you will bounce back. Just consider this a lesson and move on with your new, awesome life centered on what YOU want instead of what she wanted.

Edited to add: If you follow the advice here on on TRP you may find that she will try and get back together with you when you start dating again. Don't do it. We all know she cheated on you before she broke up with you. You'll wonder for the rest of your life if it could happen again...

[–]mrust 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Your story is not that uncommon here. Substituting a few details here and there you are just lucky that you are still young and not married and don't have any kids.

First, I think you should read Rollo Tomassi's The Soul Mate Myth

You thought that the two of you were meant for each other but that's not how the game works.

Second, realize: She will never take you back.1

I'll give you a red pill perspective on some of the things you are telling us:

she was my best friend

This means that there was a lot of comfort in your relationship but not enough sexual attraction.

I told her everything, she told me everything

No she didn't. You poured out your soul and she found you wanting. Girls do not want to hear about your problems. Sure, share your positive experiences, but when you share your doubts and fears that is a warning signal for them to eject because you're not strong enough to handle things yourself.

living apart the last 1.5 years, and that seems to be one of the causes of the break-up

This tells us you were in a co-dependant relationship. It was not the cause of the breakup.

"grew apart from me"

This is girl speak for "no longer attracted to you." The reasons are NEVER what the girl says they are. That's why we advocate looking at a girl's actions, and not listening to her words.

she talked about possibly going on a "break"

Also very common. It means she has found someone else and wants to see if it will work out.

Goes out drinking with her co-workers... The next day she is ready to call it quits...

It worked out. This is known as branch swinging. Do a search in this subreddit and you will find plenty of examples.

She has no regrets because she is already on the high of a new relationship.

There is only one way forward:

  • Delete her number and email and facebook
  • Throw away anything that will remind you of her, especially photos
  • Hit the gym - seriously it's the most effective way out of depression, and will also make you look more attractive for the next girl.

1 She may take you back if her new "boyfriend" uses her as a cum recepticle and dumps her in a week or two. Do Not Take Her Back.

[–]2comment 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Many of us have been there, done that.

I don't wanna punch you in the gut while you're already doubled over, hurting, but that break talk back in December probably means she already cheated on you. Or at least had her eye on someone. And the branchswing came when she secured the other guy.

You need to immerse yourself into something now to numb the pain. This left a hole in your life, you're gonna have to fill it, suture it, and let time take care of the rest. Join a gym and make good friends, or something like that.

Anyways, GF of 5+ years dumped me last night. Sadly I was with her most of my college years which I now regret.

Regret is only useful as a learning tool. But people use it to badger themselves into learned helplessness over a past they can't change no matter how many times they agonize over it. If you had fun times with her, value that despite how it ended, let the rest go, and move on. You still have your best years ahead of you unless you anchor yourself down with the belief that they're already behind you. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[–]southernfriedcode 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I don't enjoy thinking about what I'm going to write here. I want you to know that reliving what I'm about to tell you is STILL painful for me going on over 6+ months now since my 'relationship' ended with my 'one'. I've moved on, fucked other girls, dated other chicks, and I still have memories pop into my head that absolutely devastate me mentally. You need to accept that the pain you feel will always be a part of you. The question, is what you do with that pain. Do you use it to better yourself and become a real MAN. Or, do you let that pain drown you and drag you under?

I spent six years with my 'one'. Just like you, I thought she was a great friend. I thought that we were partners-in-crime so-to-speak, two people against the world. I wasn't just this girls boyfriend, I did everything for her. Help her with schoolwork. Help her with her job (computer stuff). Paid for everything. Etc, etc, etc.

At least you got a phone call. Six years into our relationship, I got broken up with by three text messages. No phone call, no care, no concern. Just a big FUCK YOU, we're done. I said so much lame shit right then about all the things I had done for her. The truth is, all the time I spent with her was WORTHLESS to her. It meant less than nothing. There is no depth that females will not stoop to. They do not care about you.

My girl had her online dating profile setup before she even ended things with me. A week after we were done, she was fucking a 'great guy'. That's right, the last communcation I ever got from her was to tell me she was fucking someone else not a week after we broke up. SIX YEARS I spent with her, and here I am grieving, crying myself to sleep every night like little BETA BITCH and she was fucking other dudes.

Get it through your head man. If you take anything out of this, learn that NO WOMAN (except your mom) gives a shit about you. Find your own value. Find your own purpose. The only way to deal with the pain you feel is to become bigger than it. Become better than it so it can't hurt you because it's always gonna be there. That realization that life isn't a fairy tale like we were told, that women only care about you until a hotter, more manly guy comes along and fucks their brains out.

[–]3Gf93bMtX3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats heavy. When did you discover TRP (how long after her) ?

[–]reddishman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Rollo tomassi said this accurately, "once a girl stops loving you it's almost like she never knew you"

[–]Beastly_Squirrel 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Go lift when you're feeling down. Start making a habit of going often.

The best way to make her regret her decision is to improve yourself and build your confidence up. Lifting is a good starting point.

Read "No More Mister Nice Guy" and the side bar for TheRedPill.

When you're feeling the urge to text or call her, call or text a close friend who you feel comfortable opening up to, or just go out and meet new people.

If you do even half of this you'll already be feeling better.

[–]2niczar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He says he's coming from a bodybuilding forum, so I doubt he needs that particular suggestion.

[–]tylerdurden100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can confirm. I am said miscer who sent him here

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most of the following is advice for all future relationships with any woman, plutonic or otherwise.

Girlfriend of 5+ Years Dumped Me

"The 7 year itch" is a real thing and females will seek out new mates around this time, sometimes biology will kick you in the nuts. For the good of procreation is helps humans multiply if women have offspring with different mates.

she was my best friend

A woman can NEVER be your best friend

I told her everything

A woman is not your emotional tampon, only show her the positive side of your personality, and occasionally anger. Need to vent? Go to trusted male friends. Any weakness you show to her, and that includes "I had a tough day at work honey" will be stored in her mind subconsciously as weakness, the moment someone stronger comes along, hypergamy kicks in and she leaves.

living apart the last 1.5 years

The is no such thing as a long distance relationship, it doesn't exist, remember that.

The plan was to move in together this summer, but that's obviously not happening

Men are ruled by logic, you made a plan, you intend to keep it, you even start to think about $$$ to pay of student loan, smart decision. Women are ruled by emotion, you didn't give her enough different emotional sensations, therefore she will hamster (justify) this by saying you "grew apart"

She's seemed happy and normal

This concept doesn't exist. The only happy women are ones devoted to their man, as a new subscriber that may sound sexist or sick or whatever, but after about 6 months of being Red Pill you will understand what I mean. The pursuit of making a woman happy is literally the dumbest thing you can do if you want her to be happy.

Goes out drinking with her co-workers and doesn't send me one message while she's out...

She's fucking or wants to fuck one of her co-workers. Sorry bro.

she just acted like she had no heart

That's because emotionally she had already checked out of the relationship before she broke the news, so for her it's not as raw as it is for you.

I thought she was the one

Doesn't exist. Neo was a man my friend, and the only person with the potential to be the one in your life is you, but you have to believe it, much like neo.

Any advice on how to get over her

Firstly, delete everything of her from your life. Secondly, stay busy. Third, read the stuff on here, but not too much, there's a lot of hate for women on this sub, and you don't want to go down that path, although the reality is, you probably will. Finally, get laid, do whatever you have to in order to get laid, with as many different girls, it will help clear your mind.

Sorry for the long rant

No worries, this place is a community, many of us come here, like you, with serious emotional pain. Look at this experience as an opportunity. We are here to help each other improve as men, your journey is just beginning.

[–][deleted] 4 points4 points

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[–]temparooney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ditto on the "don't worry about forgiving". Let your feelings about her be whatever they are.

In fact, being in touch with your feelings (your real ones, not the way society has told you to act) is how you'll lose your beta cues and show your true alpha self. I think every man is like this, but there is heavy conditioning to unlearn.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear. For now, hit the gym and read the sidebar on /r/TheRedPill ignore the main posts as long as possible, get a solid foundation before you start participating in that sub, because unfortunately, with the huge influx of members in the last 6 months the message has been diluted. However, the sidebar is still as good as ever.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are asking how to avoid talking to her.

Does it help to know somebody else's dick was in her recently? Because it was.

She did you a favor, dude. Really.

[–]RedPillJohnny 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This sub contains the collective wisdom of a thousand fathers...pay heed to what is said here.

[–]jeezydasnowman 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Snapchat her a pic of your dick in another girl, tonight. Then cut all contact.

EDIT: You dodged a bullet, imagine if you had moved in then she left you with the full lease, or child support, etc.

[–]2niczar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not bad. I think that'd be worth the cost of hiring a hooker to do so.

[–]3Gf93bMtX3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Creative :-D

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happened to me. Take a look at my posting history to see my progress. I literally went insane for a while. Thought she was the one and she lead me on just like you until she broke up with me over the phone. Fuck them. Were better than that.

Don't contact her if you want her back. I'm telling you. And then never take her back again.

You'll find someone else. If it was 5 years, there's a reason so someone else will come along. 8 weeks for me after 4+ years and I'm already spinning some plates.

It'll be hard. Brush up on pickup. Sounds like you're already going to the gym, so hit it harder. Hang out with friends all the time. Preferably women. It will help so much. If you have Facebook Twitter Instagram you're a bitch. Get rid of it.

Get angry and let yourself get angry. Trust me, I know. It makes zero sense to us. Just know there's a reason you're girl stayed for 5 years; it means you're alpha as fuck. Not even an alpha can tame some beasts.

Keep talking to people but not your ex. Let her die and she'll crawl back.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When women move on, it's like you never existed to them at all.

Best bet is to move on also. Read the sidebar. You'll understand why this all went down. You'll think of this as the most important learning experience of your life, and eventually be glad this shit went down.

[–]Walktillyoucrawl 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She went out and hooked up. Sorry.

[–]3alreadyredschool 8 points9 points  (9 children)

Fuck 10 other women.

[–][deleted] 23 points23 points

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[–]3alreadyredschool 4 points5 points  (6 children)

It solves all his problems.

He ain't there yet.

you mean he can't do it? That doesn't discredit the advice.

[–][deleted] 7 points7 points

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[–]One__upper__ -1 points0 points  (3 children)

That's not necessarily true. He could be a good looking guy that has a lot more game than seems to be the case. You don't know much about him outside of what he wrote.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quacks like a duck...

[–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We know that he was able to land this first chick.

[–]Juan23Four5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's obviously depressed and distraught. I would be.

He needs to take baby steps.

Yes, fucking 10 other women is an awesome way to get your mind off of a 5 year LTR but there are quite a few steps you have to take care of to get there.

[–]2comment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should he do that before or after he has fucked 20 other women?

[–]unethical_pirate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/u/alreadyredschool is right OP, there's nothing here that can't be fixed by 10 other women. Start with the side bar and for the love of God don't contact this women. She may try and come crawling back. It's likely after she gets pumped and dumped a few times. Don't reply. Improve yourself, move on and don't repeat history.

Where did you say she was moving to OP?

[–]schoolboyQueue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cut her out of your life and then take a good long look in the mirror and decide what you want to do with your life, how you can improve yourself and what is going to make you happy. Spend some time alone, but also spend time just socialising with your boys.

This is a perfect opportunity in life for you to discover the red pill.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're at the point where you're going to discover most of what you knew about women, and what constitutes success in romantic relationships was all a lie. I know it really sucks right now, but trust me, a lot of us have been there. There's a way out.

Read the sidebar, familiarize yourself with TRP. Start building the new you that generates attraction in women, instead of desperately fighting to keep it.

[–]cascadecombo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Move on, find someone else. When she sees you happy with someone else she will be extremely jealous and want you back.

But why go back when you have someone better?

That's right. You won't want her back then.

Most importantly, cut all contact. Don't call her, don't answer her calls. If you do, she will use that as "oh he's fine, I can forget about him" Just ignore her. If you still for some retarded reason want her back, that will also work in your favor. When she returns after 8 weeks she will more than likely seek you out. So, just work on yourself for this time. But I highly suggest looking for another women, while having 0 contact with your ex.

[–]projectself 1 point2 points  (0 children)

someone more attractive than you is fucking her better.. and has been since december.

[–]Polishrifle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read the sidebar and then listen to The Black Phillip Show episodes that are on youtube.

[–]pleasedontknowme30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Im getting ready to dump him lol." "I've been trying to ease him into it the last few days." "He's all devastated, and I feel a little bad, but I am at peace with the decision."

This tells you everything you need to know. She likely, very likely, cheated on you..but with those 3 text messages, she is gone, out of your life forever. Cut all contact, DO NOT CONTACT HER. Erase number, block on FB, etc... she is way to relaxed on ending a 5 year relationship.

That is hard to stomach bro, I now... She is dead to you, or that is how you should mentally be dealing with this. She is a royal bitch for being so non-chalant and it is probably because she has cheated on you quite a bit in the past, not just in the past 8 weeks or whatever.

[–]Planner_Hammish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, OP your story is pretty much word for word what happened to me one year ago! Even down to december break and going down south for a short time. It is really amazing, actually. Hopefully TRP has some good advice to either spot this earlier on and prevent it from happening again.

[–]UrNameIsToby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really rough man. Women are vicious. I had a long term girlfriend, and the relationship soured because I had some personal issues. The issues didn't even affect my demeanor or ability to deal with my personal life, she was just aware that I had some challenges, and turned on me just at the idea that I might have difficulties dealing with them. I was already a believer in the redpill, but it was still shocking to have a woman I was involved with turn on me, and not even for failing to deal with my problems, but just having a problem that I could potentially have difficulties dealing with (it was the death of someone very close to me). Again, my grief wasn't even seeping into my dealings with her, she was just aware that there likely was grief.

But swallowing the pill means accepting the status quo. And what is that status quo? Well, it's that women are out for their own self interests, that's it. And when things are going well for you, you'll be swimming in women. If you ever have a problem (that they are aware of), they will likely make themselves distant.

Your situation is kind of like mine, in the sense that you have no other option except to "next" her for her betrayal (as unsurprising as it is). What it comes down to, is are you, or are you not a person that deserves this treatment? If you are not, then you simply do not accept it, and you move on to something different.

I'm sorry for your loss, but you are going to get no advice here other than to break all contact with this person and never look back. It sucks, and it's hard, but that's how it is. That's the red pill.

If you want someone with character, and loyalty, and decency, date a dude. If you insist on dating women, you have to accept their nature, as horrible as it can be.

[–]3Gf93bMtX3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, what about your sex life with her since December?

[–]temparooney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She lost attraction for you. Understand therefore that she was attracted during college. But LDR is a killer.

Try to see other girls asap. Read tips on here and other "game" and "red pill" sites. Don't ignore "pua / game" knowledge, there is technique there. It's not all about lifting and being a better person. That's all good but really at first you need some stuff you can do, without thinking, while you're still a bit numb.

Being "best friend" with a girl is generally incompatible with the attraction level needed for marriage. And in case she offers to be friends without sex, just say no. Let her find a new best friend, you're not available any more. At all. Cut her off clean.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mate, almost the same scenario. I ended things with my gf of 6 years recently. She moved away for a career (in the army) making a future practically impossible. She's been away a year and it made me absolutely miserable to the point I couldn't take it any more.

It was clear to me that we were growing apart but I felt like she just needed to put more attention on me and everything would be OK. Then I started reading trp and No more Mr nice guy and, although there are some aspects of trp I disagree with I truly do see how my behaviours contributed to a lot of our problems. It was this subreddit that tipped me over the edge and caused me to break it off.

My advice is probably the same as everybody else's. Ask yourself many questions; are you happy with you? Do you like your job? What about you needs to change? Are you hitting the weights 4+ times a week? Are you confident in yourself? Are you confident talking to women? If not, why not? Have you read seddit? Do you have shitty clothes that others that make you look like shit? Is your hair stylish? Are you the best you can be?

Focus on yourself one step at a time. I got overwhelmed when I realised I had let myself go physically and that my wardrobe was fucking shit. Over the past few weeks I've thrown out shitty clothes, made sure I am lifting at least 4 times a week and have actually managed to get a new job (which was pretty fortunate but hey, I went out there and got it). You sound like your ex was a good part of your world. Mine was too. To have that suddenly disappear is hard. But its an opportunity my friend. Its an opportunity to see that you and only you should be your world. Work on yourself and you'll get to where you want to be.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

see a shrink. it will make it easier and it will prevent depression or things like that. understand the harsh truth : read trp. hint : she Was cheating on you and you are dead to her now.

[–]masterrod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hoping she'll come back is a bad move, just assume she won't. I'd also assume that 1.5 years she's been trying to breakup with you, or hoping you'd improve yourself or the relationship. I'm just not sure how in a relationship you don't notice that something is off, where she wants to breakup. If you two tell each other everything, why didn't you just tell her when she was heading down somewhere for 8 weeks, why didn't you go see her, or just breakup with her.

You talk a lot about her and paying off your student loans, etc. but nothing about what you two planned to do together. What did she plan on doing for you? If the be all end all is just moving in together, what's in that for her? Hell, any guy could just move in with her. You also talk about 1hr distance as a cause. That's nothing.

You also reference the fact that you two are friends. Well, if you two truly friends then there's no reason to have remorse about leaving. Friends can do that, lovers have much more trouble.

You talk about her acting fine. I don't know any girl that just acts fine all the time. If she's in love with you she's not going to act fine all the time. She's going to be pissed off at random shit. She's going to be crazy, she's going to be loving. She will be insanely happy for no reason. But your goal through all of that is to make sure she's giving to you, and investing in the relationship. She will do that when your proposition puts her in favorable situation.

She's comfortable with the decision because you're showing her that you have low value. Aka "I don't think he can get any other lady so why should I be worried? He's dead end there so much other dick out there. I'm glad I'm getting out before it was too late."

So if you want her back at any point in time in life, just get on your feet. Find something to do in life that you're passionate about. Date some other women preferably attractive women, and you can find some tips in /r/redpill and /r/seduction. Do not sit there being lonely, be around people now.

The idea of getting over her is silly. She's not over you. And you're not going to be over her instantly. All you can do is be disciplined, and live your life. If you want the real way of getting over her sleep with 10 chicks, and you will be over her. But you have to also be honest with yourself.

[–]1kami_kakushi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it happens a lot with college GFs. they use the guy for money/resources during college years, then "grow apart" afterwards. (not just in college years but whenever they can)

you gotta realise that all women are like this more or less, and you had the nature of your relationship all wrong in your head.

women do not give unconditional love, they give conditional.

get yourself a good dose of redpill, and remember that the next time a woman says she loves you, its all fantasyland and only based upon the benefits you provide her at the time.

if they think they can get a better deal somewhere else, BANG they will be gone. they do not have loyalty to men

learn from this mistake, and dont make it again. i made it twice, and i will never do it again. there is no "one", and there are no women who are different or special.

accept it, and get on with your life, a life where women are the playthings they are meant to be, and not anywhere near the centre of your universe.

[–]1kick6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't have short posts so I'll just say: u mad bro?

EDIT: as to your situation, gaurantee she smanged on that night out.

Best advice is to stay busy. Busy on yourself. Double your workouts, spend more time doing hobbies. Hell, pick up a new hobby. Just do SOMETHING so you don't have idle time to dwell on her.

[–]tylerdurden100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you received my message and followed my advice by posting here. I rarely help strangers but your problem reminded me of a similar horrific break-up I had and I thought you'd find help here. Some of the advice on the misc is reaaaaly bad. On here you've gotten (and will get more) brutal replies. We don't hold back here, we dish out the truth even if it hurts. Do your best to try and learn TRP way of life. Soon you will get over this girl and see the world in a new light

[–]aaron_the_just 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your best friend should never be some girl

Make good guy friends. The kind of guys you can count on in a crisis and who aren't going to tell you on the phone "Hey bro, we aren't friends anymore."

Then go read the sidebar in /r/TheRedPill, practice game, approach women, and go fuck enough other girls until you forget about this horrible beast of a woman.

[–]vox_veritas -3 points-2 points  (0 children)