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Or 10? Or 20? Is it even possible?

I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now, living together for the past 2. Even though my overall sex drive hasn't decreased, my desire to have sex with her has basically fallen off a cliff. It's gotten to the point where we only bang a few times a week, and most of the time I'm mainly doing it out of a sense of guilt or obligation. This is despite the fact that she's a solid 8/10 and will do literally anything I tell her in bed. I honestly have no idea what we could change that would help. She hasn't gained weight or gotten out of shape, the physical attraction just... isn't there anymore.

What makes it even more confusing is the fact that I could easily bang the shit out of a 5/10 that I'd be too embarrassed to tell anyone about, but my girlfriend could be gargling my balls in her hottest lingerie and my dick wouldn't even flinch.


[–]sadnesspickle 10 points11 points  (3 children)

[–]fitnessacctasdf 2 points3 points  (1 child)

the Coolidge effect also occurs in females. Their experiment, which used hamsters instead of rats

fuckin' lol

[–]sadnesspickle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, right?

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 32 points33 points  (31 children)

There's nothing wrong with you. Strict monogamy isn't natural, which is why society tries so hard to make you think otherwise. It's why throughout history, there was a legal structure around it accompanied by severe punishment. It's why they used the fear of god's wrath to enforce it. Men need variety. No amount of counseling or communication is going to change this. You can't negotiate desire.

In addition I believe that LTR's of your duration have little to no use outside of children.

If you don't want to have sex with her anymore, just leave. However, given your situation, you have to keep up appearances and leave the situation strategically. Get your finances in order, secretly find a new place, then let her down gently AFTER (you don't want false accusations or complications). Don't say "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you". If you do, you'll get in an unnecessary argument about negotiating desire via sexual exploration, she will probably ask if you've been cheating, and down tangents you will go. Say something along the lines of "We need to talk.... Our time together has been great, but the spark is gone. The feelings just aren't there anymore. I loved the time we have spent together and you are wonderful, but I believe it's time we split."

[–]GC0W30 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Good advice.

I'd also suggest OP consider moving out BEFORE telling her, possibly at the next lease signing interval.

Wait until she's taking a trip to see family, maybe take the day off work, act like you're going to work, and then roll up with the U-Haul the moment you can confirm she's at work.

Might be needless, but he should consider moving THEN telling her, with consideration for her risk of violence, drama, false accusations, whatever. Domestic violence counselors tell chicks to do this all the time, and it is sometimes needed.

[–]elduckbell 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In addition I believe that LTR's of your duration have little to no use outside of children.

I believe there's also an evolutionary basis for this. If she's not popping out babies within a couple years, our bodies start saying "I'm wasting my time. This woman is obviously not fertile."

[–]ask_trp[S] 5 points6 points  (25 children)

Strict monogamy isn't natural

Yeah, I think my last hope (aside from ending it like you said) is to convince her of that and get permission to have strictly physical relationships outside our own. Probably about as likely as winning the lottery at this point though.

And I'm sure she'll think it's only "fair" if she gets to do the same thing, even though the actual female equivalent is just having a bunch of sexless beta orbiters... which they all have anyway.

[–]InscrutablePUA 8 points9 points  (12 children)

You really think you'll be OK with random dudes plowing your girl?

If you answered yes, the answer is actually no. Every guy who gets into an 'open' relationship regrets it when they see how much dick their girl is sucking down.

If you can somehow finagle an arrangement where you fuck other girls but she stays monogamous then go for it. That's like the holy grail.

[–]ask_trp[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

You really think you'll be OK with random dudes plowing your girl?

Nope, I was just saying that her innate female inability to logically comprehend relationships would lead her to the false conclusion that Guy fucking other girls = girl fucking other guys.

The truth is much closer to Guy fucking other girls = girl with beta orbiters. A man who cheats is giving his least valuable asset (dick) away. But a woman who cheats is giving up her most valuable asset (pussy).

[–]ioncehadsexinapool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Damn son. I always knew it wasn't exactly equal but I could never really put it in to words. You just said what I've been trying to say for a long time. Like, you think it was a coincidence a few thousand years ago plenty of guys had multiple wives?

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice and succint. Have sex with the other girls out of sight out of mind, but she's the only girl you hand out with and provide for. Make sure she knows she's the main as comfort. If she finds out about the others, hold frame and dont give in. But obviously don't tell why this is okay in the words you described. And dont say the pre-selection and dread game will keep her in check, that would go along the lines of explaining female nature to women

[–]StarDestinyGuy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow - that's absolutely correct. Never connected that thought.

I'm trying to think of a way to explain it so that even non-RP people would agree with it.

[–]Freiling 1 point2 points  (6 children)

If you answered yes, the answer is actually no. Every guy who gets into an 'open' relationship regrets it when they see how much dick their girl is sucking down.

Not necessarily true. It never bothered me, and it was worth the freedom on my side. In fact, almost every dude reminded her why she was with me in the first place.

[–]InscrutablePUA 4 points5 points  (5 children)

How did things turn out? I've never heard of an open relationship going back to a closed status with both participants happy about the outcome. A permanently open relationship is not a real LTR.

[–]Freiling 1 point2 points  (4 children)

How did things turn out?

Not bad. I ended up breaking up with her for unrelated reasons.

I've never heard of an open relationship going back to a closed status with both participants happy about the outcome.

I haven't tried closing a relationship before. Have not run into the need to do so yet, but I don't rule out the possibility.

A permanently open relationship is not a real LTR.

That's your opinion.

[–]the_Milkweed -1 points0 points  (3 children)

His narrow definition of an ltr shows how insecure him and others here are.

[–]NihilDicoAmplius 1 point2 points  (2 children)

sounds like feminist shaming rethorics to me

[–]Freiling 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You sound like a conspiracy theorist to me.

[–]the_Milkweed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just simple and one track minded.