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ScienceFeel your emotions, don't express them (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

As kids we cried when we felt like crying, laughed when we felt like laughing etc. If our parents were good parents they'd listen to our problems and worries and issues and let us be our loud crying yapping selves. Then as time elapses and a boy ages the parents start having less slack for his tantrums and sobfests, tell him to be a man.

We at this step go from feeling our emotions to expressing them. Whether to our parents, or our friends. (LPT a mate isn't a mate until you can talk about what's going on negatively in your life without concern of "weirding" someone out, until then a lot of "friends" you think you have are actually just guys you go out with and get lit with but aren't actual "friends")

Years later many men forget how to properly process their emotions and I give you the answer.

Many men get into relationships for the "emotional" competent, either their parents are dead or have turned onto deaf ears to your problems or you aren't close enough with any other man to talk about the shit you've been through in your life. This is level I of the Trap.

Expressing an emotion through words or actions don't do shit for you or anyone.

Instead feel your emotions. My advice to you may be anecdotal but it works and works well. Once a month or once a quarter of I've been really busy I go for a run into nature, then walk far off the beaten path and find a tree to sit on. Start bringing up the fights you've had, the failures you been through and don't "think" about how they made you feel, actually GO into your body and FEEL it. There's usually a click point where you realise you've actually been resisting feeling that emotion and you then allow it to cascade over you. Really BECOME that emotion, if it works well you'll even notice that your emotion is taking form in the way you remember it as a child. Personally I start sobbing lightly, then screeching then there's a lull, followed by another wave of screams yells and screeching followed by some hyperventilating and then another crash of crying that all of a sudden turns into manic laughing and life feels splendid afterwards.

It's important to not judge yourself as this happens, it's weird as fuck, very animalistic, and very raw, you will literally feel like when you were 3-4 years old and kicking and screaming in your bed. But do it properly and you've ACTUALLY PROCESSED and released those baggages and chains.

Past a certain age your parents don't care to hear about your complaints the same way they once did, any girls you're seeing don't want to hear it either, and while it's important to have mates that you can talk to about that kind of stuff, YOURE NOT ACTUALLY PROCESSING THE EMOTIONS.

This "hack" is life changing because you realise that you can release these wounds on your own, and that you don't need anyone to 'help' or talk you through it. You never "needed" anyone and therefore never will.

All psychologists do is ask questions that lead you into the right state of mind to let the emotions wash over you. Sometimes it takes sessions to get to that point. I'm not saying not to use psychologists they have their place, but you can do a lot for yourself psychologically and you might not even know it.

Release the good and the bad and you build your way towards a more and more rational mind more and more grounded in the now and free of emotional and mental baggage of the past.

Books like Letting Go by David Hawkins, RSD Julien's letting go technique, The Work by Katie Braun(?) Might be useful for you to understand how to get to this. Ultimately it's something you have to figure out on your own, this isn't a 1+1 type of lesson, learning how to go into yourself and actually feel things will take practice but it is extremely refreshing and rewarding. If you've had a bad week, got into a fight with family and haven't had things going your way, it's human that you're going to feel beaten down and your mood is going to suffer, can't escape it. Being immune from a depressed mood after negative events isn't human. The problem is that most don't ever actually let themselves FEEL into that depressed mood.

I've gone from flat and emotionless and empty to absolutely ecstatic and loving life and having a radical perspective shift, and all it took was 5-10 minutes of leaning against a tree trunk letting it all out like when I was 5.

Good luck in all your endeavors.

Tldr: crying as a man isn't bad, just don't do it in front of others, we are ships out in the ocean, we must remain steadfast in the face of high water. When docked back at Port however ships need repairs and refurbishment, likewise as men taking moments of solitude to feel out emotions isn't only "acceptable" but mandatory


[–]ileatyourassmthrfkr 177 points178 points  (2 children)

Agreed. When I first took the pill, this is something that I had to come to terms with. I was always under the impression that crying and feeling pain meant I that was weak; rather I learnt that feeling pain and expressing/feeling negative emotions to yourself isn't weakness - but when you start letting those emotions overcome you and your relationships, that's when it becomes a problem.

I remember when I was a kid, I asked my dad why I've never seen him cry and his response was, "I do cry. Sometimes alone in the car or in the washroom. I just don't do it in front of others". Regardless of the fact that he told me he cried, it did not make me think of him as less of a man ... but what made me doubt his masculinity is when he actually did cry in front of me a few years later.

So if anyone who is new to the red pill is reading this; just know that obviously, strength, purpose, mission, drive, independence are core features that define masculinity. But that doesn't mean you should repress what makes you human. I am NOT saying that you should cry and vent out your emotions to a plate. No. Don't do that. But it is okay to let those emotions out in private. Its healthy and its normal.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 120 points121 points  (40 children)

Crying is important, it provides an emotional release, a discharge of painful emotions. It allows you to move on from experiences and develop clarity. It also serves to elicit the support and comfort of others. It's completely human to cry.

[–]UncleChido 72 points73 points  (38 children)

Yes. And it’s completely masculine to hide and cry. Never ever cry in front of others. Particularly women.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 35 points36 points  (28 children)

Within most contexts dont cry in front of women but there a few that are acceptable places.

Edit: funerals, learning of someone's death, particularly of a child, narrowing avoiding imminent death... crying is multidimensional, it shouldnt only be associated with fear and weakness. There are tears of joy, like a sports team winning a championship for the first time ever, or watching your kid grow up and graduate college...

The shit you don't want to do, is cry in the face of women who just cracked your ego or broke your heart type shit or some other wack shit you have no business crying over...like a chick flick

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              [–]alisemihc 37 points38 points  (2 children)

              If only i would've seen this post 3 years ago.

              Thanks for this post.

              [–]Ihatemoi 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              If I woulf have discovered and actually BELIEVED the red pill years before. My life would have turned out completely different. I remember myself crying all the time to my "girlfriends" fuck that. Never again.

              [–]alisemihc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I feel you.There is only one way to go, and thats forward.We shouldn't grief over past.

              [–]Gramaru 130 points131 points  (2 children)

              You basically go into a forest and fucking ree

              that is hilarious

              [–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

              Precisely, you're having me actually LOL at work, +1

              [–]tralfaz66 101 points102 points  (1 child)

              Emotion without some kind of expression, not necessarily verbal, is stunted.

              [–][deleted]  (3 children)

              [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

              hahhahahah this is hilarious

              Ill have to DL this movie and watch it

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

                [–]pdiggs1500 14 points15 points  (1 child)

                I'm going to try this soon. Having parents that were demanding, controlling, unempathetic and emotionally absent caused a number on me. There is a lot of shit in my soul that I need to get out. Thanks for sharing this post.

                [–]AshyLarry27 11 points12 points  (2 children)

                "Be like the duck. On the surface he's calm, but under the water he's paddling like hell!"

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                Did you come up with this quote on your own or is it from somewhere?

                [–]AshyLarry27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Its from somewhere else, but I couldn't remember where . . . so I just left it without a name but kept the quotes like a douche

                [–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed 34 points35 points  (12 children)

                Sounds a lot like "primal scream therapy" that became a pop culture hit for a few years in the 70's. Dismal success rates, and sketchy psychology though.

                But the valuable base concepts are there.

                Allow yourself to feel. Decide what to do with those feelings. Get comfortable in your own skin and with solitude. Never let them see you sweat.

                [–]inm808 9 points10 points  (9 children)

                I didn’t know this had an official name

                I personally have named it “going to a massive dubstep show and going insane in the mosh pit for 6 hours”

                It’s pretty fun.

                Surprisingly effective too

                [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

                Walls of death elevate me spiritually lmao

                [–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                Confirmed spiritual. Did that once and chipped 5 teeth and broke my nose at whitechapel. Last time I ever did that. Was funny watching people's faces of horror as I exited the crowd with my face covered in blood though.

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Great way to get some energy and raw physicality out every few months

                [–]inm808 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I got punched in the face at excision show a week before my new job started. The guy who did it hugged me - was total accident and we partied

                But no one at Work knew me well enough to ask about it so everyone assumed I was like this sorta sketch dude with some dark stuff going on

                Based on what I’ve read here that actually doesn’t sound that bad now haha

                [–]frooschnate 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                You talking about american dubstep innit. Didn’t know you still had it around

                [–]inm808 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Ya. It survived the dip and now it’s literally bigger than ever. IMO moshpits saves it. Shows are packed it’s dope

                Single point of evidence would be the existenxe of “Lost Lands” festival, which sold out in like a week

                [–]frooschnate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Yea I always see girls either posting pictures at these festivals or writing about “raves” on their tinder bios.

                In Europe and Southie I think we never associated american dubstep with raving and we stuck to house or techno in empty warehouses or underground nightclubs y’know. I get what you mean now.

                I’m going to Europe for the first in a lil less than a month and I’m hyped for that shit. Been checking Resident Advisor all over the place to pick the places I go to.

                And shit Imma finally enjoy being 18 since I moved to the States a month after my birthday last year and here I can’t do shit without a fake.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                I gave PST a go and the extent of its use is to get present to the moment if albeit at a potential risk of being detained by LE for being a public disturbance lmao

                Sometimes when cycling up a grueling mountain giving an insane scream like a tennis player would really helps push through, and sometimes going for a run over the river bridge or an overpass and screaming at full capacity is "fun" and puts you in a dgaf attitude but in terms of releasing old baggage I think it's really terrible and it shouldn't have been or shouldn't be advertised/promoted as such

                What I explained was just that when feeling reallyyyy negative or downbeat and if I go actually into that feeling my body then on autopilot starts yelling screaming and shouting and hyperventilating and there's no conscious decision or idea to do that, it's basically a flow state where I observe my body doing all these things

                [–]PeteInq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                AEDP is a new and respected therapy that covers this. See "Living like you mean it".

                AEDP describes how feeling emotions 'till completion brings you to a "core state" of vitality, strength and warmth.

                [–]helaughsinhidden 34 points35 points  (0 children)

                This reminds me of a favorite bible passage:

                James 1:2-4 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

                [–]Amr_Yasser 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                Also, you can greatly express your feeling by writing.

                [–]redd_reality 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                They're called feelings not "thinkings." Meaning one must experience the physical sensation releasing from themselves in order to resolve them.

                [–]1RationalDoc 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                I actually used to do that on bad days. Just take that emotion out in the gym. But couple of months back read the Gorilla Mindset by Cernovic and the mindset section worked out well for me. Instead of feeling anger and lashing out, I go deep into it, trying to figure out why situation X made me feel this way. This might sound silly, but lately, when I face difficulties, I close my eyes an pretend I'm a CEO of my body which I pretend is a company, and then i look at the situation in hand from a rational perspective, and try to solve it as a manager would solve a problem.

                [–]woodie_wood 15 points16 points  (1 child)

                This 100%. Can’t believe how good it feels to genuinely process and release pent up emotion. That shit leaks out negatively into life.

                Honestly crying about something like my best friend dying in May. Feels amazing. It’s almost an orgasm of sorts

                [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                Feels amazing. It’s almost an orgasm of sorts

                Empties and refreshes the mind, feels like defragging a computer

                [–]splintyeastwood 5 points6 points  (4 children)

                i dont advocate the use of illegal substances but this is where psychedelic drugs absolutely shine in terms of healing a world-weary psyche. they open the floodgates of your subconscious and let the torrent of repressed emotions flow forth in the most blissful and boundary-shredding way imaginable. in the limited medical studies that have been done on psilocybin, it’s shown to be wildly successful in treating anxiety, depression, and trauma including PTSD. in my own experience taking shrooms dissolved all my insecurities and self-doubts like rust off the hull of an old ship. “baptism” hardly comes close to describing the full experience, but after taking it i understand why it’s such a prominent ritual in modern religions. IMO incorporating the psychedelic experience is a crucial part of self improvement particularly for basement-dwelling incel types.

                [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

                Spot on, LSD trips are what gave me this tool that I can now use sober

                Everyone should try a 150ug trip at least once in their life imo, would help remove a lot of baggage many men and women carry around

                Personally I prefer acid, shrooms were very surface level "I accept myself, I accept my past, I accept x I accept y I accept z" but didn't actually release anything vs acid gets you deep into your core and releases stuff

                [–]stirringlion 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                Awesome post!

                I’ve only had two full on crying sessions in the last 15 years and one was on LSD and it was the most euphoric, blissful and pure experience I’ve ever had since being a kid. It was so cathartic.

                After taking LSD 2 hours prior I had been staring at my reflection in the mirror for 45 minutes when suddenly something clicked into place and I fell into a wailing heap for a good 10 minutes. It get soooo good to get that shit out. The next day I was not the same person. I felt like I had moved on to the next phase of my life, quit my job and ended a toxic relationship.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                Crying on LSD is the most cathartic fucking thing in the world, it's tears of anger, sadness, happiness and pure bliss are wrapped up all in one

                Absolutely amazing molecule when used properly and with enough spacing for psychological safety/health

                [–]stirringlion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Couldn’t agree more! That’s exactly the experience I had. It was anger, grief, joy, astonishment..... sooo good.

                [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                On one hand U are right I would also add that u should show your feelings to those that U really can. Like your best bro or best sis or shrink or some stranger in the bar. On the other hand feelings and emotions suck balls imo. And I am not this strong silent Clint Eastwood type, I am more of woody Allen in his movies. I used to have no feelings as a behavioral patter. Rn I have feelings and boys do I miss old days. XXI century is not build for emotions, but Instagram photos and tinder hook ups and rat rice.

                [–]boxxybebe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                How did you go from not having feelings/emotions to having them? Did something happen?

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I was deeply sad, but not depressed that my love life didn't go as I wanted. I didn't want to be Casanova but I didn't have anyone then for more than 2 years and I really craved for the feeling or being liked in romantic way. Then I read two books about being an asshole, in some specific, non impolite way. The main thing was not get emotional and believe that whatever u Do to please yourself, u were right. Generally it was very egocentric and shallow way of living. But maaaan, was it great... First time in life I cared only about myself and I learned not to use my old feelings or conscience. Whenever I started to feel higher things or regret things I told myself that it was my pleasure at the end of the day that counted. Then I started to feel attractive, apparently not giving a fuck, being arrogant and too confined worked. Then I got a girlfriend, who was great, I thought I fell in love, but it was really strong romantic feeling , not true love. Then 2 ugly break ups with her, still being a dick. Then the were all these emotions that came from her towards me being a God and Devil for this poor girl. All these feelings, talks, and spiritual shut infected. After the "emotional relapse" I got more or less depressed and THIS turbo sadness increased for next 2 years. But truly depressed. The I had some better less zombie days, and some worse full zombie. Then I fell in love truly. First time in life I was happy and thought she was the one. But boys have I been wrong... This hit me strong, and all of my feelings started to shout and cry inside of me and I'm done. Now I exiled myself from everything and try not give it to the great fuckin anger inside of me. Generally: Being emotionally vain or simply a normal neighborhood sociopath 5/7 Feeling the feelingz 2/10 not recommended All of that is tldr xD I didn't get into other stuff.

                [–]ahab_dies 4 points5 points  (5 children)

                I'm literally incapable of crying now. Even when I am devastated, I want to cry and I try to cry but I cannot.

                The only emotion I can feel strongly is anger. Not hatred, just anger. I can also feel great sadness, but it's a deepness that doesn't reach whatever makes a person cry.

                I know I sound like a edge lord but this is my situation. I wish I could cry I remember it being such a relief.

                Anyone else in a similar situation?

                [–]stirringlion 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                Actually yes, bro, I’m in exactly the same situation!

                I’ve been working on it. The anger is just the surface. There’s a lot of shit underneath that will come out eventually when the time is right.

                From what I’ve gathered at the moment from psychology is that the child self (or the emotion) doesn’t feel in a safe enough environment to express it self so it hides. Perhaps you are harder on yourself than you think. Or stronger than you give yourself credit for. But I know that frustration deeply.

                [–]ahab_dies 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                Thanks for the reply, the part about the child self not feeling safe resonates with me. I think there is definitely a part of me which refuses to express itself out of fear for the potential negative consequences. Perhaps over the years I have become so afraid of appearing "weak" that I've conditioned myself into being able to suppress all emotions. Thing is, though, that's impossible. As I become more able to control my emotions and hide them, I'm also becoming more irritable under the surface each passing year and I am shutting myself off from forming honest relationships with people. I believe that I have a reputation among people who know me for being an incredibly cool headed guy who never loses control and can always be counted on to be reasonable, but if people actually knew what goes on in my head they would know I'm actually a very angry person.

                I go back and forth between considering myself a strong man for holding it all together and considering myself a frustrated child who has shut off all his feelings and suppresses it with anger while keeping everything buried deep.

                I can't be sure whether my situation is healthy or not.

                [–]stirringlion 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                I have no idea if it’s healthy... but if it helps, you’re not the only one. It sounds like I’m listening to my own thoughts when I read your post.

                I’ve cried twice properly in the last 15 years and it was soooo cathartic. It was fucking bliss. And I felt incredible after. One of those was on LSD and it’s probably my favourite experience I’ve ever had. I think psychedelics hold a lot of use in healing. But they are tools, like chainsaws, which need to be handled responsibly.

                Have you much experience with psychedelics?

                [–]ahab_dies 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                None whatsoever. I tried mushrooms once but I'm aware that's nothing compared to LSD. I just sat in a chair and watched the trees move (dance) in the wind. It was a very fun and happy experience and I couldn't stop laughing, but there was nothing beyond that.

                [–]stirringlion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Interesting!

                Yeah drugs affect everyone differently, some people way prefer mushrooms and find LSD too ‘dry and harsh’ of a trip. Where others seem to respond better to LSD.

                Psychedelics should always be approached maturely, but may hold a lot of answers for this sort of thing.

                They are but one tool of many. Weightlifting, MMA and creative pursuits all have helped me fee less disconnected and angry. Would love to hear anything that’s benefited you.

                [–]JensenMse 10 points11 points  (2 children)

                Excellent post, brother. It really reflects into what I've been going through for a while.

                It's been 11 years since the passing of my father, who in my eyes has been the SI unit of the RedPill in my life. Last year when I finally swallowed the pill, I found myself thinking of him and his lessons about life he taught us when we were kids. That's when I realized I missed him badly and I'd never really gotten over his death. I'd cry uncontrollably in the shower, thinking about how much more I'd have learned from him if he actually was alive.

                But then one day I went mountain hiking with my brother. That personal touch with nature really elevated my mind to another level. At the time I couldn't point out the effect nature had on me but I felt a really good rush flow in me. Like I sensed a higher level of freedom to really feel all my emotions just wash down on me. I suppose that is the feeling of being childlike which we always yearn for when the going gets rough. I felt reborn. All my burdens and sorrows seemed to flush away. I was in touch with my own emotions in a perfectly balanced way. At that point I thought of my father and realized I was being rough on myself for clinging on his strong image. I had been refusing to let him go all along. That's the day decided to accept his death and write my own life my own way.

                As a man, you need that alone time to really connect with yourself and know who you really are deep inside. The world has transformed us into mindless, emotionless robots. Find that environment which revitalizes you and explore your inner being. Meditate. Emote yourself, cry out and weep. Let all those frustrations out. By doing so, you balance your inner being, thereby leading a healthy emotional life.

                [–]expansion101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                The world has transformed us into mindless, emotionless robots.

                I agree with you here. Something I'd like to add though.

                Here at TRP we agree that society today has turned men into ghosts of their real selves. It seems that the world, transforming us into emotionless beings is just part of the male human experience though. No matter what age or era, men are not to show raw emotion to even the closest of people. Don't you agree?

                [–]Ezaar 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                Buddhism teaches to allow the thought or emotion to appear and to have it disappear. All the while you do not attach yourself to the thought or emotion.

                Recognizing when these phenomena occur and skillful application in the moment will generate better results than having to be attached as you are in that moment.

                Allowing yourself to feel and process will go a long way for the individual.

                Buddhism also has ways for you to be your own therapist; it’s similar to what you speak.

                Thanks for posting.

                [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                Thanks for your input, I've been meditating very diligently and seriously for over a year now and the insight I've gained has made enormous impact in my life and it made me realise things I thought were common knowledge but after speaking with friends I realise might not be and so might as well share it on the off chance someone can improve from it

                Cheers

                [–]schwiftynein 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                I actually had a really good cry yesterday. There wasn’t anything wrong or bad that happened, but I was alone and listening to really good song that I could feel connected with. After the sobbing died down and I got to the hysterical laughter part I remember looking at my face in the mirror all tear soaked and red. I busted up laughing because I looked like a maniac, but honestly? I haven’t felt so good in awhile. It took some weight off my shoulders.

                [–]stirringlion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                It’s the look like a maniac part that stops us from crying. Somewhere in our upbringing it got ingrained that it’s not okay to look like that and feel that deeply. But it’s more human than some motherfucker lining up at the apple store like a zombie. (Currently writing this on an iPhone though, go figure)

                Good on you for having a good cry bro, it’s healthy!

                [–]six-bible 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Meh.

                I'm not sure how much of this is backed up by science.

                It's a common myth that anger is "bottled up" and needs to be released, "cathartically."

                Turns out, that's a bullshit myth. Really going on rage-fest or whatever actually makes people more angry throughout the week.

                Mindfulness, reframing, hitting the gym, stress coping mechanisms, meditation, and simply CHOOSING "not to experience negative thoughts anymore because life is too short" --- is far better than dwelling on any shit. Also, the stone-age idea from the 1950s that "men don't cry or express emotions" -- is actually a form of insecurity and weakness. It's not even true since men are far more likely to actually express "anger and rage" than women -- it's just not looked down upon for a man to be angry.

                Look --- it actually IS good advice to be 'nonreactive' in general, as an Alpha male.

                What does non-reactive mean? It means don't let others get in your head, or provoke you. You can be at a bar, and some guy (any guy) can come up to you and say "hiya bitch, nice needle dick!" It's far better to not react to any old asshole you encounter in day to day life. First, there's little upside. Second, it makes you easy to play and provoke and manipulate. Usually it's far more subtle than my example. I mean sure if the line is crossed, draw the line -- but non-reaction and swallowing the ego is usually far better than tangoing with losers.

                That said, if you want to feel emotions and be 'vulnerable' or in better terms "not GIVE a fuck" around women, then if you're feeling a strong emotion, EXPRESS it. Don't "hide it" because you're super insecure about your masculinity or your pecker size.

                BETA MALES are insecure about their manhood. An ALPHA can break the rules. Yeah it will take a lot to rouse me, but when it does, I'll express any damn emotion I want. I will self deprecate myself and be vulnerable when necessary because that actually really demonstrates incredible strength.

                Meanwhile you have some dude inflating his chest every 10 seconds and terrified of being called a woman so he won't even wear a pink shirt ... that guy is going nowhere and not respected by women... truly not. The Gorilla Male of yester-year is considered an anachronistic oaf. Hell take Patrick Swayze from Road House "I fucked men like you in prison" -- yeah who knows exactly what that line meant, but some true Alpha doesn't mind breaking convention or not doing a societal "monkey dance" of gender roles.

                A rich man doesn't try to prove he's rich.

                A smart man seldom clamors to prove he's smart.

                An alpha man isn't constantly trying to prove he's alpha. This doesn't happen in reality. Why not? Because it's readily fucking apparent and they don't need to prove it.

                [–]AAAlchemist 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                This feels so alien to read, I haven't cried since I was 10, the night my parents broke up. Not a lot really makes me emotional, if anything at all. A lot of family members have passed since that time but I've never actually felt grief, I'm just a bit emotionally numb/cold in general. However I have had dreams where I've cried or felt emotional and very often have quite disturbingly violent and graphic dreams, I'm talking like me murdering random people. Could these be ways my body releases tension in lieu of crying/emotional distress?

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Dreams are the subconscious processing things, so I would say so

                [–]dead_wit_laugh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                +1 for nature and emotional release. Look I know it's gonna get dunked on; see how much flak double rainbow guy caught but I don't give a shit. Serve yourself first.

                [–]RedKepler 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                YES. I've been feeling this a fuck tonne recently. Education has really been getting to me, with certain subjects just not working out fucking at all (e.g. my philosophy course I fucking despise, I also dislike my English course).

                I have been releasing these out burst of emotions and they're good, and some people see them but they don't give an actual fuck because they've got their own problems. My parents don't give a fuck now also, want me to get on a job/course and stick at it.

                I began swallowing the pill unbeknownst to me about a year ago after discovering Coach Corey wayne- nearly 10 years of on off oneitis (I used to be better when I was younger, like till I was 6) and it is the fucking worse.

                This year I've seen me go from a high to a low to a high to a low, mainly because I was trying to get over a bitch who when to another educational establishment- whom I mucked it up with and tried keeping in contact with until (I actually don't know what happened) something clicked in me and I gave up on her. -but on top of that there has been this other bitch I've liked all year long, way easier than the other woman to talk to and a lot less (like zero) competition for because she is so introverted- which I thinks been my down fall in retrospect. Knew she liked me at the start of the year, I was still being a mopey retard about the other girl and didn't take this one by the horns quick enough imo.

                That on top of all this education shit has enduced this never ending emotion of feeling like my head is underwater and it only seems to get released during these outbursts. Anyway, I'm doing something about this bs, either I'm gonna restart my year or go elsewhere. Either try with this girl a little more (I've been expanding my scope on girls recently) or look for one(s) at this new place. Somewhat looking forward to it.

                Now- time to go on a bike ride and let these feelings out on my favourite local hill- home to some amazinf glow-worms.

                [–]ever3st 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                The Work by Byron Katie

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                This is what I was referring to, cheers

                [–]redd_reality 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                The difference is between feeling and dealing with your emotions to remedy whichever trauma is causing them and complaining to others that you have them.

                It is perhaps the most courageous task one can ever undertake to fulling endure and release our deep, negative emotions.

                Why expressing negative emotions isn't becoming is because you're demonstrating a lack of courage to just fucking deal with them and recover from previous trauma.

                [–]msarn5150 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                I've read all the "deal with your emotions" books and honestly I've just had to fall back on my own system. It's a fact that certain emotions are going to be permanently tied to certain memories. It's also a fact that these memories are going to come up there is nothing you can do about it. So if your feeling a negative emotion first realize that your attached to a certain thing, or place, or time, or state of being. Then don't try and bend the spoon, but realize that there is no spoon. What I mean by this is realize that the girl is actually trash, or the only person you need is yourself, etc. sometimes you can break the attachment. But sometimes the emotion goes deep, and it's primal or traumatic. The only thing you can do is control your thoughts. Tend your thoughts like a garden. Build this like a muscle, practice meditation if you have to. Have positive thoughts as much as possible and it will be easier to deal with negative thoughts when they appear.

                [–]DopeIsMean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                "Really BECOME that emotion, if it works well you'll even notice that your emotion is taking form in the way you remember it as a child. Personally I start sobbing lightly, then screeching then there's a lull, followed by another wave of screams yells and screeching followed by some hyperventilating and then another crash of crying that all of a sudden turns into manic laughing and life feels splendid afterwards." sounds like an intense mushroom trip.

                [–]scalar214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                I disagree when it comes to this. The men that do not express emotion are seen as coldhearted, and the ones that let emotions run their lives are seen as unattractive. I believe that while it is alright to be real about what you feel with anyone, if you let your emotions run your life, then you're diminishing your overall worth to both sexes. In other words, keep it real, but dont submit your actions to emotional whims. This has seemed to work for me so far. So, I guess I do agree with the part about not crying in public, but if something really upsets you, just say it. Often, the problems you experience are due to keeping silent about things you should say.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                This is such a good post im going to print it out and keep it.

                [–]Forcetobereckonedwit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                LPT...and do that very necessary shit in private. No matter what they say, women dry up and start makin' plans as soon as they see that from their man. It might be subconsciously but it happens.

                [–]Demiurge_Decline 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                MEN carve themselves out of Males. Women carve women out of MEN.

                [–]Cky2chris 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                Holy fuck I needed to read this today. Thank you op. Once I'm off work I'm gonna go give this a shot

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Glad to be able to give advice others see value in, good luck man

                [–]awoke11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Thats the thing about being a man, you need to solve your own problems.

                [–]UnpluggedNigga 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Isn’t the point of meditation/mindfulness to accept and let those emotions go, and to be in the present moment?

                Why would you bring up past emotions if you’ve already let them go?

                Isn’t your ‘hack’ a form of expressing your emotions, just in private?

                [–]Redpillandrew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Feeling your thoughts and emotions deeply, being present in the moment, is a form of meditation. Great advice OP. And yes: if you process emotion this way, you feel great in the afterwards

                [–]NormalAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I slipped up on this one. I am very in tune with my emotions and really enjoy expressing them. These days I STFU!

                The meditation you describe is the Inner child’ meditation: the feelings you have inside you are the inner child who is still suffering. Once you can see the form inside, treat it as you would a friend and forgive it, let it know that everything is alright.

                Etc, I know this isn’t the place for Luvvy duvvy, evennuf it is self luvvy duvvy.

                Still, the insight is simple: why is it that we are so hard on ourselves and our past, yet so forgiving to others for their failings?

                Answer:Me first- I deserve it.

                [–]Htowngetdown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I feel like you just described my yearly acid trip. Helps me “reset” and come to terms with things which were being suppressed. It’s not for everyone, but I always come out on the other side with a clear mind and a clear direction.

                I usually cry, scream, skip, dance, sing, etc. For those 8ish hours, I escape into nature or into a concert, and the experience begins. My ego shrinks to the size of a pea and I feel utterly insignificant. Then I get very introspective and start thinking about and coming to terms with recent failings (plating a good friend’s ex, for example) or moments of weakness. Sometimes it will even get spiritual/religious (I was raised Catholic).

                Once I successfully resolve these issues in my head, I start to feel like the center of the universe, and my ego grows huge. I feel as if I am at the top of the earth, and no matter which way down I choose, it will work out because I’m in control. It’s an incredible feeling, and quite the trip in every sense of the word.

                It’s definitely not for everyone, but if you are successful in your “real” life, then an acid trip will greatly enhance your self-confidence and will re-ignite a sense of passion and adventure that seems to usually only belong to children.

                [–]AlexanderTheBread 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                The big one fro me is crying. I have a whole playlist of crying songs that make the tears come up within minutes. If I feel particularly overwhelmed by something, I can hide in the nearest bathroom, cry it out quietly and get on with my day. Without the music though, it's much harder.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                YES

                Inception OST - Time is my go to for this type of strategy

                Very moving powerful music

                [–]AlexanderTheBread 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                Mountains and No time for caution. But those are more goosebumps type songs. I’m talking more tearjerkers about heartbreak and so on.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Heartbreak songs I can't take seriously, I've never been in a formal relationship so perhaps that's why. Anything grandiose or epic gets me going

                [–]Althagreat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Bio-energetic healing Elliot Hulse shows you how to do it. Takes some practice though.

                [–]phoenix_nz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Hulse is a fucking idiot though. He started alright when it was simple fitness stuff based on research, but he went off the rails big time

                [–]mingaflo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You might enjoy "The Sedona Method" as well.

                [–]bossplayaintraining 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                This is good and all, but feeling my pent up emotions might result in property destruction, fighting, incomprehensible & unintelligible screaming & ranting at people, & just acting severely autistic in general.

                Plus, if none of that happens, I feel embarrassed when others see me feeling weak emotions.

                The only way I am comfortable truly feeling my emotions is if I’m in private, at home alone, with no one coming in for at least an hour or no one nearby to hear/watch me.

                How can I feel my emotions safely without breaking the law?

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                The only way I am comfortable truly feeling my emotions is if I’m in private, at home alone, with no one coming in for at least an hour or no one nearby to hear/watch me.

                How can I feel my emotions safely without breaking the law?

                You've got the right idea, I've punched a wall in my past that's why I go to the forest, tree trunk vs fist is a win for the tree and a massive L for my hand plus being in nature makes me feel a lot less violent vs in the city I completely empathize with you as I do find myself wanting to fight random passerbys if I'm in a really bad mood.

                [–]ProgressiveAlpha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                The idea of internalizing and processing is great, but you actually should vocalize and share certain emotions and situations. Set up a group of like minded guys, coworkers with similar professional goals and disparate lifestyles, or whatever.

                There is a lot of support for the idea that some people are "external processors" and that means certain situations won't be fully processed until you stream of consciousness share it with someone else and hear the words you're saying as if you were external to yourself.

                It's about building your mind, body, frame, etc. but also about building this support network with a shared understanding.

                [–]AceofRains 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I inadvertantly did this actually Friday night. Granted I was drinking, but I’ve never been an emotional drunk which why I was surprised at my self to find my self crying. What led up to it was this: I was at my usual gay bar, and one of that last guys there somehow brought up Trump- to which I replied I am a firm Trump supporter. 5 seconds ago we were getting along excellently and then he flips is shit saying “I can’t believe you support that orange Cheeto man”. I tried to begin to explain that as a sexual and racial miniority, I’ve elected to choose a path of personal success and betterment for my country- and he just flipped his shit more and left. The bar tender and our other friend are older and more conservative and just advised me not to say anthing if politics comes up at the bar. I felt ashamed, because I don’t ever want to scare off customers- I love to have a good time with everyone regardless of their political affiliation as misguided as today’s left can be. On the way home I broke down crying. I think it was mostly because no matter how many obsticals I overcome, or try to expess my attitude towards the political situation, the only people who will hear it is the choir itself. Despite the scrapes and cuts on my knuckles from work, I punched my stering wheel and just let my wounds open. I don’t know if I wanted to beat my self up or the guy for not shutting the fuck up and hearing me out. But the overall conclusion I came to was that I have not been fighting (boffer) in a long time. It was a great outlet for me because you get to hit people and match up against those more skilled regardless of their politics. I woke up the morning. Went back out that night and went to a concert on Sunday only to have probably one of the best weekends of my life. It was only for the personal moment where my emotions ruled me, and I learned what I needed to out of it.

                [–]Get-Disciplined 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Too late to the party but I can relate so much to it. I've start running recently and I run everyday (not a lot but the distance has improved a lot since I started). There's a trail nearby following a river and some benches to sit when the trial ends. Every morning I run and after getting tired make my way to those benches and have a nice talk with myself. A lot of my problems and sad moments that I've experienced the previous day seem to go away by then... Running makes the feeling ten fold. Really recommended

                [–]Guardian_of_Justice 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Wow. At what age did you digure yourself out? This, this is the stuff that is not taught anywhere bit is as essential for happiness as is forgiving yourself. I will try it. I want to feel the relief.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                22 hahha

                When I meet new people and hang out then a few hours or even days later get asked how old I am people are very surprised and say they thought they were hanging out with a 27-28 year old. It's nice to be able to connect with people my age and be more of a "kid" but then also have genuine connections with 29-30 year olds

                [–]Stron2g 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I agree. Emotions are basically a form of energy, and if you bottle up negative emotions it will take an IMMENSE toll on you in every part of your life. We need to process and release them, and you offer an excellent method.

                There is nothing weak about releasing negative emotions, rather as men we literally become weak when they infest us from the inside.

                [–]Despacit0 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                I think it's completely normal to cry about something you're passionately about in front of everybody. Athletes do it all the time, does this mean they're less masculine? No.

                It's human nature to cry. Hell, i've cried in front of people when we my soccer team lost a finals game. At that very moment, I didn't give a shit what people thought of me. Losing that game really made my emotions come out. I don't regret it. In fact, people felt more closer to me after seeing me cry because I wasn't afraid to show my emotions to something I was truly passionate about.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                In my opinion something like that is different than starting to cry to a girl you fucked 2 hours ago about something really damaging that happened in the past

                Sports are inherently masculine so crying about a Loss or a Win is seen as further commitment to "the game" whatever the game may be whereas the aforementioned example is seen as less masculine because while in your eg someone is so committed to their sport that they will cry in front of 10k 20k 40k people, the common instance is crying 1-1 with a girl or in a smaller group of people

                TLDR: In your example it's a common sport/goal that people can all identify and rally behind, in smaller situations over more individual that the people nearby can't relate to and see you therefore as weak

                [–]pct92 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                This is beautiful and thanks for sharing. I was having a bad day today and didn't really understand why. Now I know a good spot to go to tomorrow to try this technique. Thank you kind sir.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Means a lot to hear your gratitude, cheers mate

                [–]redknightcrusader 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                On point. I have been learning that this kind of release is necessary to process strong negative emotion. This is basically the first step that I had to take in order to begin working through some traumatic experiences from my time in the military (they have been festering for years, not healthy. Truly negative baggage wont “fix itself” over time).

                To reiterate, do NOT share these types of feelings with women. One asked me to open up to her after I got out of the service (we were romantically involved). Against my own judgement I did open up to her and she totally disappointed me. No pathos, disrespectful, etc. The only people that truly care are REAL (male) friends.

                Thanks for sharing, OP.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                The only people that truly care are REAL (male) friends.

                Had a similar issue, opened up to some girl about some physical ailment I had gone through 2 years prior and that I was feeling day and night compared to before and loving life, and even just the fact that I insinuated that in the medium term past I was down in a rut sent her flying away. Within 2 weeks she went full no contact on me even though we had been seeing each other every 2nd day or so

                [–]redknightcrusader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Yep. I think that they are just wired to avoid weakness in mates, and instead seek out “strength” (which as RP shows, can be measured in many unconventional ways). Hence hypergamy.

                Unless it is a super LTR and the injury is physically obvious or an issue that she will unavoidably find out about (due to doctor’s appts, therapy sessions, etc), then DO NOT SHARE. If you must, exert extra dominance displays in other spheres to counterbalance your reputation hit in the one area.

                In fact, you gain manliness bonus points if you self-start and take care of the issue on the DL and they later find out, ie you had appts during your lunch break and largely resolved the issue (physical therapy, counseling, etc whatever it is/was) without them knowing at the time.

                It will humanize you (important in cults of personality, which is basically what RP men aspire to) while simultaneously building up your reputation of independent strength; ie being a rock against the buffeting of the world. What it really comes down to is being strong and un-needy, a place where women and children can be sheltered from the cruel dark world by by an implacable leader (or benevolent dictator, dominant/alpha/whatever).

                [–]ever3st 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Great method, and I realize also that in some culture men do this by drinking a few beers at the pub, and unleash their emotional blockage.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Spot on, the issue with that is using a crutch doesn't actually fully 'solve' things even if it can help bring stuff up/out

                Nowadays MDMA is being researched for use in the treatment of PTSD and therapy sessions. At least anecdotally and what I saw happen in my other friends is that yes, it reveals and makes us feel things we forgot were there that we'd been carrying around for years, we thought that that's it, I felt sad for 20-30minutes while on MDMA, I must've really released that trauma. Nope had to still go and feel into it fully sober for the past to go away for good

                Likewise for alcohol, weed, etc

                [–]TrenCobra 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Acknowledge your emotions as a reaction to a stimulus.

                Neither repress or express them. But accept them as a baseline reaction to a negative situation. And then act accordingly in your own self interest, with thought driving your actions.

                TRP isn’t about becoming a robot or a narcissist, but about understanding the nature of reality.

                [–]dahdoc 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                My parents allowed me to feel, express, and discuss my emotions but I turned into a self-hating suicide survivor with an inability to feel empathy, so, there's that too.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Some extreme cases do need medical help in the way of drugs and professional help

                Glad to hear you're alive and surviving one day into the next, hope one day you can view yourself as living rather than simply surviving

                [–]freshoutofgravitas 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                solid post, OP, this aspect of being a man is seldom addressed here. its what I call the turbulent meditations of the storm. we are very... out of touch with our subconscious, there's music and sweet treats, and pod costs to fill the hole in our souls. so much so, that we seldom truly reflect. I probably take it for granted, but I'm out in nature often, I have some biology related hobbies, and I also work out doors, but when I've had a shitty time with things, I get to run chainsaws, some as tall as me, and its very primal scream. I also play guitar. A lot of guitar, from metal on a half stack, to subtle flamenco on a classical; I naturally gravitated to these forms of expression, I would have choked long ago without them. suppressed emotion can sabotage a man from the inside out, and a healthy means of expression is just as natural as washing a wound, or picking a scab. me, personally, I have limits on my Lift, and my MMA, due to the fact that these hands have other things to do, nuanced, subtle, ugly, grand, and sublime, if I didn't rinse my mind of all the negative BS from time to time , I would a stifled mute, a one dimensional voiceless creature, drowning in denial and repression. I think its wise, and productive that you address this in your post. I've said it before here, but it bears repeating: When I go into the deep woods, I return with 3 things I cannot physically hold; Stillness, Silence, and a deeper appreciation of Myself, as a Man. carry on, and pass the torch when you can, brother.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                Very moving, thank you for sharing

                Once done school and I have more free time I'd very much like to learn piano, kicking myself in the ass for 3 years now for not taking it seriously as a kid and having the teacher basically kick me out at Level 3 if not 2 LMAO

                [–]freshoutofgravitas 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                dude, as a person that can play most things with strings, I still haven't learned it well, but I read somewhere else on TRP that it looks classy/ smooth as hell, and will pull some HBs. I'll tackle it soon.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Yeah I'll be hanging out with my still relatively beta friend (I'd been feeding him redpill knowledge over the phone and then he broke up with his GF and says he suddenly understands where I've been coming from and has started reading the subreddit) walking around the city and we come across a public piano and he starts dropping some Jazz Improv and the girls come swooning over to watch and then talk to him while I'm there with my cock out LMAO

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                How to deal with strong negative emotions.

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l96TZeZGlDg

                Excellent post, by the way.

                [–]Aesthetic_God__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This happened to me one night, I sat down after a tiresome month of improving and slaying and also having negative things happen in my family environment..My mother is dieing from cancer and most of the time I can't accept it, after she came home from a treatment and felt better I grabbed a bottle, got drunk into a dark room, listening to Pink Floyd and eventually I let all my emotions run in tears while suddenly I started feeling euphoric afterwards and next week was a lot better for me. Listen to the man above. OP has some good advice perhaps, and I'm not saying go get wasted in order to connect with your feelings, it just happened with me, once you get a grip of handling your emotions though you can do what he says completely alone without any substance or person sitting next to you. Great post OP!

                [–]schwiftynein 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Thank you! I’d rather be a maniac than a zombie any day.

                [–]forexpipcatcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                wow, i needed this. thank you for posting. crazy thing is that i was kind of doing this and definetly felt the animalistic feeling and thought it was maybe wrong to feel that.

                [–]Carbuncl3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Found the same thing you did but had to take psychedelics to get there.

                [–]ssiinneerrss -1 points0 points  (1 child)

                Realize your emotions and keep them under control. Don't ever actually feel emotion. That is a waste of energy.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Hmmm, by realising if you mean acknowledgement yes you're not wrong however sometimes I'd rather go into it 100% and have it pass in 10-20 minutes rather than just being 'aware' of it and having to deal with it for hours

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [deleted]

                [–]tiger1296 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

                Basically you are saying have some form of release in a wishy washy sort of way. Not exactly some earth shattering discovery is it?