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Rant/VentingBecome Obsessed With Your Goals (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 103342

I remember when I started learning french, for someone that was already fluent in 2 languages, I felt like I should start learning another.

Everyday, no matter where I was, I learned a couple of words and remembered some of what I had already learned. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

The girl I was seeing always said. "Relax, you don't need to do this stuff everyday..."

I also remember when I went back to serious lifting, and decided to lift 6/5 days a week.

My family, my friends, girls, always say: "Stop it. Slow down. You are obsessed!".

This happens with everything I tried to put my head into. Everyone sees people giving 100% and they feel bad, they feel like you are doing something wrong. Don't believe it.

When you have a goal in your life, you have to become obsessed with it. Study it. Try different angles of the same problem.

You want to have sex but can't? You are doing something wrong, change your approach.

You want money but can't get it? You are doing something wrong, change your approach.

Becoming obsessed with productive goals is the secret to being happy. This is what men are build for, doing things, mastering things.

Don't ever forget that. That feeling you have when you love your body, that feeling of speaking a new language, building a software, winning a fight, making tons of money. This is what life is all about.


[–][deleted] 128 points129 points  (49 children)

My mom told me I was obsessed with my diet and lifting and it hurt me and it took me a while to get back on track but I've learned from that mistake.

[–]AnAbsoluteSith 170 points171 points  (39 children)

I honestly think this is a "mother" thing. I have to continuously smile and politely ignore comments mine throws at me

  • You're getting too big (note that I'm still a scrawny fuck)

  • Get too big and it will make you look short

  • Is it really healthy to be eating so much chicken and rice all the time?

  • Creatine?.......steroids right???

  • Don't get too big. You can stop now. Stahp!

I think lifting makes you look more like a man, and this scares them as it further removes you from the image of their once little son who needed them.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (18 children)

Your last point is exactly the conclusion I came to. So I had to start doing more as a son. When the arguments got bad, my mom ended of throwing away my creatine which was a solid $50 I was so pissed.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]fanthor 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Probably some 3-5kg tub..

    Wouldn't recommend anything past 1kg though..

    Creatine won't expire.. But it'll start to get damaged bit by bit from humidity.

    [–]thatkidzach 9 points10 points  (15 children)

    [–][deleted]  (9 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]EscortSportage 8 points9 points  (2 children)

      Yes. Its the only supp that has actually be tested and proved to improve performance. Also it improves brain function and other things look it up.

      [–]pprstrt 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Remember the three eins. Protein, Creatine, and Caffeine. The only three legal supplements that work. Everything else you'll get in your diet.

      [–]EscortSportage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Very nice, I've never heard of this before.

      [–]thatkidzach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      I started taking it about a month after I started going to the gym about 5 times a week and I would say that second month I definitely saw more growth and with that strength. I'd give it a try, just don't overdue it because the water retention aspect of creatine can cause bloating around your jaw and face.

      [–]AlphanerdRP 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      It will only provide benefit for high intensity work such as sprinting or weightlifting. No effect on endurance. It's definitely worth taking though

      [–]Kozen117 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Creatine is the leading supplement in the number of tests that have been done on it. It is also the most proven supplement to actually have any benefits in muscle development (next to protein).

      BCAAs and all that other jazz? Not nearly as important as protein and creatine.

      [–]recon_johnny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It makes a huge difference.

      But it also makes you retain water weight, so while you look bigger, you look fatter.

      YMMV.

      [–]EscortSportage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is what i use, so cheap!

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        You can cap it yourself with a cap machine. Handy little things if you deal with lots of bulk powders.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 99 points100 points  (11 children)

          Mothers want to protect their sons from failure.

          Since women don't take risk, mothers project their safety strategies on their sons. They teach boys to follow, not lead. They drug their kindergartners for being too "loud and rough". Its a war on masculinity with the youngest and weakest males (six year olds) the easy target

          Single mothers are destroying society

          [–]Darkseid_Omega 21 points22 points  (5 children)

          This is way more of a cultural thing than a single mother thing. I'm Hispanic and although I grew up with my dad, his presence in my life was pretty minimal growing up. I'd say I was raised by a single mother and My mom raised me to be man meaning don't cry, never let anyone push you around or take your shit, don't quit, and strive to be the pack leader/best in the group. Hell, she was the first source of red pill ideals in my life-- she always warned me about the true nature of women and stressed the need to be careful(don't take their words at face value). Feel sorry for all the kids who are being raised as submissive pussies who are taught to take shit from people rather than confront them about it.

          [–]GoodButGettingBetter 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          Good thing you have such a strong mother. The majority don't have that female guidance.

          I have also heard that women from hispanic cultures desire stronger masculine traits in their men in proportion to other cultures in the West. Maybe this is a factor?

          [–]Darkseid_Omega 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          I do consider myself lucky in that regard.

          Your last statement, from experience is also pretty true, which most likely plays fairly sized role. But I really do think that the contemporary, "everyone gets a trophy" mentality is one of the driving forces behind the de-masculinization of today's kids. If you go back a few decades like 50s and 40s, a lot of boys grew up with a majority of the rearing being done by mother's(since fathers were the one working and providing). And although the father's role in boys life is important, why is it that these boys who were mostly raised by their mothers, weren't pussies? I think its because, fundamentally, the social culture was just overall very different. There was still a general social consensus that being a man meant you had to be tough, strong and a winner-- which meant that mothers were also raising their sons by that principle. Since then, social culture has slowly been changing in the US to be more accepting of weakness and over-nurturing those who are weak which has led to this decay of masculinity. Instead of teaching the kid who gets picked on to stand up for himself, he's told to do nothing and take it-- not to fight. It's all really sad.

          [–]GoodButGettingBetter 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Not that I have done the research myself, but I wonder if this a correlation with women entering the workforce. If men are less tough then women can be more competitive socially and financially.

          I have been watching Mad Men lately and this is right around that time so I have been wondering about it lately.

          [–]yomo86 6 points7 points  (4 children)

          Never saw it that way. You are right. And no risk takings always led to results; proven fact - for women. So she might not even want to manipulate you.

          [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          No, I see my wife trying to help my son and her thought process is well meaning but atrocious as far as consequence

          [–]Kozen117 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          You are right. And no risk takings always led to results; proven fact - for women. So she might not even want to manipulate you.

          Exactly. Women have always been the passive sex. Doing nothing still yielded them something. In today's society, even the government protects women regardless of their faults. It's sickening.

          It breeds stagnation for "safety's sake".

          [–]JeremyHall 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          But have you seen kids on leashes while at the same time wearing a safety helmet? Oh lord, it's just... Hilarious and sad?

          [–]SudoAptGetMeASammich 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          [deleted]

          What is this?

          [–]1Sergnb 5 points6 points  (2 children)

          The amount of times my grandmother and mother have told me that I looked fine when I was like 15 kgs overweight and how they were becoming super worried about me becoming anorexic when I stopped eating the 4 plates worth of food for the meals they served every day makes me think that they were conspiring to sabotage me or something. No grandma, I don't look fine, I have a fucking beer belly, I can't see my dick in the shower when I look down. No grandma, I'm not going to become anorexic because I switched coke for water and want to eat more chiken. Also when I said I would like some french fries with that I meant as a side, not a secondary mountain of them so big it blocks my view of the other side of the table. No grandma, going to the gym 4 times a week for an hour is not getting obsessed about my looks. It's not even a hard schedule compared to most people.

          Kind of hard to figure out how their mind works when a little bit of discipline in my body freaks them the fuck out but they are constantly yelling at me if I'm feeling particularly lazy in any other area. I honestly don't get it.

          [–]AnAbsoluteSith 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          Try not to let it get to you. It gets to me sometimes and I have to make a conscious effort to ignore any of her stupid statements and snide remarks. Just try to draw as little attention to it as possible.

          [–]1Sergnb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I really don't draw attention to it, most of the times I just joke about their own warped vision of my body right in front of them. I just find it funny how they both have the same ideas even though they don't speak to each other. It's almost like an instinct

          [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Hahahaha, it's always steroids for mothers of teen lifters whether it's creatine or whey powder.

          [–]Areu4realm8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          legit just how they want to change chads and make them beta, so they will be family men and stay with her. they also want to betafy their children, so they will be good bluepilled kids who obey her.

          [–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

          I think the hardest part of being alpha or at least working on yourself. Is the constant hate you will recieve, people will literally go out of their way and try to mess with you, because making you upset or fail to them, means they beat you. People are pathetic as shit. Good on you for keepin on bro!

          [–]Snufek 14 points15 points  (0 children)

          My mom always says 'You're so narcissistic' when I check my gains in the mirror. We were on a wedding recently and she has pointed at some tall, but super skinny guy in a dress shirt far too big for him. 'Do you see him? You used to look like this guy.' I loled.

          [–]1lurkingtacopiller 13 points14 points  (1 child)

          It always sucks hearing it from someone who you thought was on your side. Sadly it's just you (and us to an extent, but just you).

          [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          yup. it was emotionally devastating. Getting over that hurtle was not easy. missed out on a lot of gains

          [–]PrimaxAUS 11 points12 points  (1 child)

          [–]redbluepilling 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          For a parent, applied more generally, I've found it's part crab mentality and part wanting you to stay in that box of safety and security. Recognizing that in their own way they care and want the best for you, in their own eyes, helps get over resentment.

          [–]seeing_red_ 113 points114 points  (6 children)

          "Obsessed" is only a relative term. Obsessed according to whom exactly? The average? The fat, mediocre, complacent, and pathetic hump in the bell curve? The sheep that will never understand ambition or success?

          If that's what obsession is, then count me in.

          [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Check this out, the average male.

          http://time.com/3551742/average-american-man-body-comparison-photos/

          That's what average looked like a few years ago, and I bet it's worse now all around. Fuck everything about that.

          [–]EvolvedA 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          Well, obsessed definitively has a negative meaning. And if you do nothing but pursue your goals and start becoming burnt out or neglegt other things that should be important to you as well (acting against your own values) thats when you are obsessed with something and that is when what you do is negative for you, even by your own standards.

          Also, when I was obsessed with things in the past, I tended to overdo it to the point that the thing I loved doing suddenly didn't give me any joy anymore, that's when you often stop doing it.

          So being obsessed about something (according to my own terms) is bad in the long run, rather try to keep your passion about it. But you are right, you shouldn't let others define that for you.

          [–]Eyeswears 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          So being obsessed about something (according to my own terms) is bad in the long run, rather try to keep your passion about it.

          The word you're looking for is discipline. Passion is fleeting but discipline is rock-solid.

          [–]hipfash3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          All the great men I admire throughout the history were obsessed with what they wanted. It's the same quality that society sneer on made them so unbelievably successful.

          [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Although I'm not a fan of quotes, but your comment should definitely go down as one. Would've given you reddit gold if I had it.

          [–]HesAGoodfella 94 points95 points  (9 children)

          I wake every morning and attempt to look at my life from the perspective of myself 10 years in the future. I don't remember what I was doing on May 22nd, 2006, but I'm damn glad that child put the effort forth he had to at that time so I could reap the rewards I do today. That younger version of me is dead now, as is every other version of myself that has woken since, and the guy who woke up today will be dead tomorrow. All that I will care about in 2026 regarding this year is whether or not each of my younger selves were able to conceptualize the bigger picture, and use the drive from that vision to hit the ground running each and every day.

          I've been in a perpetual state of self-improvement since I began doing this, and have viewed every experience I enter as a potential for growth. This type of mentality can bring with it fear, but the fear of wasting my short time on earth achieving little of value greatly exceeds it. Any neuroticism is diminished by teachings I've internalized through stoicism and mindfulness/meditation, and the purest bliss felt through my accomplishments alone.

          My final goal is to look back on my life upon my deathbed with a mind at ease; a mind that realizes each of it's older versions were steadfast in achieving that goal, and exuberant simply because they were given the gift of life, as well as the ability to understand their impermanence in this universe, and did everything they could to squeeze the most out of their forever dwindling moments.

          [–]Docbear64 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          This was really eye opening for me, thanks for sharing your insight.

          [–]TheRedChemist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I don't remember what I was doing on May 22nd, 2006, but I'm damn glad that child put the effort forth he had to at that time so I could reap the rewards I do today.

          That's a really useful and productive perspective. I've never looked at life that way before. Always been so absorbed in the present, unless working on something I really truly loved. Definitely hitting the weights tonight.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          God damn that was poetic. Good stuff!

          [–]tmbb123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          going to use this from here on for my own pep-talks. great perspective

          [–]Bentov 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I needed to read this today. Thank you.

          [–]1v1mebruh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Holy fuck dude, that's exactly how I fucking feel about life, thank you. I'm going through a lot of stress right now trying to learn new skills and get a more challenging job but I know that I have to stay focused and keep moving forward. This is the way. Thank you for your comment.

          [–]_the_shape_ 50 points51 points  (0 children)

          There is but one club that's existed as long as human life has existed, and if there is only one club you ought to aspire to join, it's this one: the elite

          [–][deleted]  (27 children)

          [deleted]

          [–]Steely_D 71 points72 points  (16 children)

          Seeing other people go 200% threatens their comfort with going 20% and makes them desperate to hamsterationalize why 20% is acceptable

          [–]SnarkyFella 35 points36 points  (10 children)

          This is so true. Been turning my life around the last 1.5 years and people on cruise control keep making comments about me being too serious for a 24 year old.

          [–]thisishowiwrite 21 points22 points  (0 children)

          24 year old checking in. Keep it up man. Study, work, business, organisations - everything I do, there's someone there saying "slow down, you don't need to 100% everything.

          But if you don't aim for 100%, you'll never get it. Screw living a 20% lifestyle.

          [–]AnAbsoluteSith 10 points11 points  (7 children)

          As a fellow 24 year old, if you don't mind me asking, how have you been taking things too serious over the past 1.5 years?

          [–]SnarkyFella 34 points35 points  (5 children)

          Well, I was in a rough spot after finishing college at 22 and couldn't find a job. Turned 23 shortly after that and started working on self improvement. My college years were commuting to school and living alone and pretty socially isolated. Around 1.5 years ago I started looking for jobs intensely and a couple months later got a great job that pays really well (for a 23 year old). I started reading up on nutrition and lifting weights. I've always been very skinny and was like 6'4" 160 (155 at one point in college) lbs and am now up to 180 lbs. Paid off my student loans and some other small debts and am debt free. I bank like 80% of all of my paycheques because I live rent free with my parents. That part sounds bad but i'm helping them dig out of their debt and the housing market where I live is VERY expensive. Also within that period is when i found out about the red pill and the manosphere. I've been consuming knowledge like a madman and living a minimalist lifestyle to save money. Also been reading up a lot about investing,saving, nutrition & fitness. Just overall trying to really understand what matters. Going for health/well being and experiences/financial security more then material stuff.

          [–]Finance92 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Congrats, my friend. You are on the right path.

          Would you mind sharing any resources for fellow guys who want to join you on this path? Basically resources which - applied on a day to day basis - helped you. Thank you very much.

          [–]SnarkyFella 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Definitely check out the financialindependance subreddit and personalfinance subreddit for money saving tips/advice and goals. I highly recommend lifting weights (just like most of RP subreddit does). Try out something like stronglifts.com and read up on nutrition/weight gain. Health = True Wealth. I also highly recommend a minimalist lifestyle. Try throwing 1 thing out every single day for a month and see if you feel better about the reduced clutter in your personal spaces.

          [–]abadrengar 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Housing market is shit where I live too, where are some quality low cost places to live?

          [–]evilmonster 6 points7 points  (3 children)

          You cannot go more than 100%. It always bugs me when people try to use >100% when talking about human beings. Whatever peak you hit, that is your 100%. Whatever you previously thought was your 100% was not your 100%.

          [–]abadrengar 11 points12 points  (0 children)

          Bro it's just an expression

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Up vote for Hamsterationilze! #hamsterationalize

          [–]Tdonuts 9 points10 points  (6 children)

          So true. Life actually gets harder the longer you live it.

          [–]livelearndiee 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          I may be missing the point of this, could you please clarify?

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–]livelearndiee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Thanks:) all I suspected was that he meant getting older and your bones become more brittle "ouch my dentures fell and broke my hip" I don't understand how you come to that summary from just that

            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            Really? My life has just gotten easier and easier. Like...tremendously easier and more rewarding.

            [–]eddiecraycray 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            "You work too hard"
            If I was stressed out I'd complain, you dont need to complain for me.

            [–]sothavok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Can't stand it either. Hopeless fucks in this world that complain about meager problems.

            [–]Big_Fly_Daddy 33 points34 points  (9 children)

            100% agreed. Especially that last paragraph. That's real shit, bro.

            Set goals, and accomplish them by increasing your WILL TO WIN. The person with the greatest will ultimately determines objective reality.

            [–]RPFlame 9 points10 points  (0 children)

            Will to win = will the excel at the activities of your choice.

            To take /u/_the_shape_ example further: You don't have to be as talented as Michael Jordan, but forcing you to work at the same intensity will pay up.

            Or another example: People go to study Computer Science because they want to "learn programming and get a job", versus people who study computer science because they tried it once and loved the feeling of creating something out of nothing.

            The ones who do it for the sex of it will take pride on what they do, and drive themselves to work for hours even when they don't get paid for it, kind of like investing in their abilities.

            [–]aduar 2 points3 points  (6 children)

            Please elaborate on your last sentence

            [–]_the_shape_ 17 points18 points  (4 children)

            It means that that person will affect their surroundings so greatly that 'the rules' will consequently be affected as a result and reality will, in a sense, be defined by them.

            One example - Steve Jobs. He had a vision of what he wanted to bring society, and voila: he redefined reality (i.e. Iphones everywhere you look)

            Michael Jordan - another example. His strong will propelled him to godly heights, and teams no longer could just "play basketball" when they faced the Bulls - many were forced to create new strategies to deal with him, or pay with a night of punishing humiliation (see: "the Jordan rules")

            [–]thisishowiwrite 5 points6 points  (1 child)

            This 100%. YOU define the goals. Build your personal brand enough and YOU can tell people when you've reached them, not the other way around.

            This is where the whole concept of "don't let other people define you" comes from.

            As I get older and more greatly involved in my areas of expertise, it becomes easier and easier to shift the goal posts to what I consider important, and others just fall into line.

            [–]Big_Fly_Daddy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Sure.

            "Will" here basically means one's desire to see to it that something happens. The person with the greatest desire to see a thought become reality will make that thought become reality. Think about people enduring profound difficulties only to persevere, overcome, and ultimately succeed anyway. Now think about people who really haven't gone through anything profoundly difficult and who are complacent with mediocrity or being average.

            Ruminate on the differences between the two people.

            [–]scrodzilla 29 points30 points  (0 children)

            Becoming obsessed with productive goals is the secret to being happy. This is what men are build for, doing things, mastering things.

            Amen. I'm at my happiest when I'm building skills. I do it for me!

            [–]SystemOutInitiateLie 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            Women fall in love with people, Men fall in love with ideas

            [–]Veta321 9 points10 points  (0 children)

            Women will sabotage you. They steal your drive.

            [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

            OP Its simple. Losers will always make snide and deriding comments while winners will come when you least expect it and offer support in some way.

            The hardest thing about success is that even people close to you don't believe you can do it. Which is why you should say fuck everyone and do it for yourself

            [–]Surfincloud9 18 points19 points  (9 children)

            I have always had an obsessive personality. Drug use, I was obsessed and ruined my life shooting up heroin for 6 years. It cemented my obsession and once I quit using heroin and other drugs, I focused on myself. I started meditating an hour a day and no less and really found myself. I started working out and went from 220 5'11 to 175 5'11 7% bf. I started to take care of my skin and really worked on my confidence, appearance. I recently started to travel and learn about new cultures. I also got into the stock market and do ungodly amounts of research and currently up 12 grand.

            When it comes to women, every week I have at least 2 coffee dates from Tinder and at least one of them I end up staying at their house for the night. Life is good. I make more money than most 25 year olds and have solid goals in my life. Now when I see people, it seriously makes me sad that people can be so stuck in their state of mind and would be happy working at Target for the rest of their life. I need progression, I need goals, I need to be a better me.

            Keep going my dudes.

            [–]I_Need_More_Space_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            You had a near death experience with heroin. This is why you see the world differently from the sheep. Congratulations on your sobriety.

            I too spent years of my life juggling drugs. I feel like a new life started for me when I was freed from that old past life. Now, it seems like I'm living with a vengeance to make up for lost time. Vengeance not in a bad way, but in a manner of attacking life and being proactive vs passive. I'm happier than I ever imagined was possible, and every year gets better. God bless ya, man. Again, congratulations on the sobriety.

            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            What kind of stock market research are you doing? Reading 10-Ks? Any books?

            [–]Surfincloud9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            I'm just looking up recent news, catalyst dates for phase trials, charts, predictions, nothing super special. I go a lot with biotech and pharmaceutical companies. A few solar companies too

            [–]Strike48 0 points1 point  (5 children)

            Good for you man, but I highly doubt you're 7% bf unless your mid contest prep. Lot of people tend to underestimate their bf%. Sounds like you're in a solid spot though so good shit. Keep it up.

            [–]1grubek 5 points6 points  (3 children)

            Not only people tend to underestimate the body fat, but the extremely low fat worship is also ridiculous. Having 12-15% body fat as a male is optimal health and performance wise. You need some fat to have a good hormonal balance, including good levels of testosterone. And you also look great. 12% bf with muscles makes you look great.

            7% body fat levels are only for body builders in competition. But that is a very particular aesthetics context. It is not about being strong or performing well, it is not even particularly manly.

            I will never understand it.

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]Strike48 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Digital scales, handheld bioelectrical devices, and calipers have huge margins for error. You did not go down to 4% bf. I can almost 100% guarantee you that. I'm sure you've been in low body fat percentages. Try a DEXA scan next time for a more accurate read. Costs money, but its worth it.

              [–]1grubek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Some people might be genetically predisposed to have such low bf, but it is not common. For most males having 12-15% bf is optimal.

              [–]Surfincloud9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Probably not. I just picked a low number. I am incredibly lean and feel sometimes that it would be detrimental to lose any more weight.

              [–]TheGatherHunter 4 points5 points  (1 child)

              People will get jealous of your commitment because they've never been able to show the same dedication to anything. Don't let them bring you down to their level.

              [–]sirencow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I've experienced this a lot since I started lifting and avoiding bars .

              [–]Jakei34 7 points8 points  (0 children)

              No one wants to see you shine, but they love it when you at the bottom. I guess it's human nature?

              [–]EscortSportage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Iam extremely passionate about this older mustang i own. Bought it 9 years ago and continue to work on it (building it into a dedicated track car) the thing is gutted and caged. Mother and other people:

              how much more work does it need?

              when will it be finished>

              all you do it "fix" that old car, get rid of it

              iam so dedicated to building the racecar of my dreams and i love every second of it. People just dont understand, like others have mentioned, stay committed to your goals and dream

              weight lifting, clean eating, working on cars/house/boat/bike etc

              stay true to yourself.

              [–]RPFlame 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              I want to add my 2 cents on the matter.

              When the ancient Greeks talked about "not giving in to your passions and be self-disciplined" we tend to think that they couldn't possibly talk about a passion that makes us richer, as a way to "modernize" the overall message.

              But that's not what they meant.

              When you decide to follow a "passion", an activity with intensity high enough to make you neglect something else, your results are vastly different than the one who follows a not so constructive activity, sure. But you still lack self discipline. This is why people tend to blurt the "follow your passion" advice in every career question ever, because when your hedonistic inclinations are in accordance with what society finds merit in, it's as good as it gets.

              But that doesn't mean that there's no price to be paid. The scientist who decides to fuck up his nutritional habits in favor of working some more will pay the price in time, same goes with the programmer who sleeps for 5 hours every night because he enjoys coding.

              "Παν μέτρον άριστον" was their core tenet, which means "always moderate". The person who willingly knows the consequences of indulging into more of X and less of Y (time is finite, sorry) is more admirable in my eyes than the person who simply follows his hedonism/passion.

              To put it in another way, it's better to invest your time in more than one place, and decide where to bet more time in an educated manner, instead of just go "all in" just because you like it, unless you're ready to pay the consequences a bad investment has. This is why we say "lift, read, sleep 8 hours a day, focus on your career, make sure your social skills are sharp and you network" and all that, instead of just "focus on your career".

              Of course, if you're goal is at the be top 20% in your field, you should kiss "balance" goodbye, and structure your life around your main goal. The path of excess leads the tower of wisdom.

              [–]Magnum256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Great advice. As long as your goals aren't destroying other parts of your life (that you'd prefer not to have destroyed) or literally putting you in the hospital as a result of your efforts, you should give it everything you've got.

              [–]textualintercourse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt, The Man in the Arena

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Guess where the mediocre tries to drag you into...

              Mediocrity

              [–]Boovs4life 5 points6 points  (5 children)

              Approached 5 girls today. 2 of them were actually nice and the other 3 looked like they were repulsed by me. It hurt but i know this is part of it. And the 2 that were nice rejected my advances but were nice about it at least. Sometimes i feel like saying fuck it I'm gonna stop talking to people because i always cringe when i remember the conversations.

              [–]103342[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

              I, personally, don't like the pua "approach 50 girls every day" thing.

              I am all for cold approaching, but if you are getting rejected too much you are doing something wrong.

              You gotta learn some serious shit from every rejection.

              Never commit the same mistake twice is one of the biggest secrets to success.

              [–]fanthor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Yep, if he's cringing now..

              It could go the ideal way, where he improves to the point he no longer cringes.

              Or he could be so desensitizes to how bad he is.. Which is dangerous as fuck.

              [–]Boovs4life 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              My go to approach when i go to the library is "excuse me I've been looking for some good books lately, do you know of any?" Most of them have been good but they tell me right off the bat something like "well my boyfriend likes this series." The other ones recommend me a random book they probably didn't even read and instantly say "well good luck" and leave. I'm not in college yet and I'm unemployed so i don't have much social interaction other than when i go to the gym.

              [–]TheRedStoic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Ew.

              Try doing it with urgency. Wait until you're leaving or have a self imposed limit on the interaction. Good way to falsely raise your aggression.

              So you go to check out, you have spied a few targets, you go up, "hey, I've always been interested in that topic! So give me a quick summary?"

              If she bites, listen, ask a question or two, then move on with "hey, I've gotta check out, but you should tell me more, let's do coffee at x!"

              Most of my dates come from this, give urgency, escalate as quickly as possible, and leave the contact point and time. Move along, there's dozens of others to get to that day. You won't even remember her name - but you need to remember how you met until you've nailed down what to do and what not to.

              Brute force numbers, more approach styles, more women, more locations, it's the only way to build your sample size enough to find out what works for you and what doesn't. You'll get so caught up in the numbers you'll forget about the pain, until you're looking at a girl and already thinking tattoos, dreads, bangles, ask what they mean, touch the hair, ask if she makes her own jewelry, dive bar Friday at 2100.

              You'll be fine bro. After you do the work.

              [–]1ItsTheHomeWrecker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              deleted What is this?

              [–]Blaat1985 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Just don't forget to enjoy the journey to reaching the goal, so don't feel terrible if you fail to reach it.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

              Yep, it's called a campaign.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              I love the overt conceptualization of this behavior. It's something I've been doing for awhile without having a clear, explicit way of labeling/thinking about it.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Roosh does a great job of labeling stuff and making it easy to digest in a readable format

              [–]InBaggingArea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              For a long time I used to think, "don't worry, be happy". But lately I've been thinking that's the opposite of "get stuff done" or "strive for that sense of achievement".

              [–]AskYouEverything 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              This is interesting to hear. I've always been 100% obsessed with my goals and always thought of it as a negative character trait

              [–]alritealritealrite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I currently live with my sister and her husband. She has him doing honey do lists all day while scheduling brunch events and dates to fill any time. Meanwhile, I go mountain biking every second of free time I have. And she hates it. She gives me relentless shit for having a passion.

              [–]RaptorFalcon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Yep, current chick I am seeing thinks I am a "control freak," and need to "live a little."

              Thing is, I am the happiest when I set a goal, figure out how to achieve it, work my ass off to make it happen, and set new goals.

              While most people just "have fun," I have a laundry list of accomplishments and things I am proud of. I have a depth of abilities, interests and friends. I am ok with being boring for not going out to eat very often or drinking my face off at a bar.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I had a bitchy 18 year old in my bed a few weeks ago. I had a moment where I was like, "What the fuck am I doing with this obnoxious little girl all day? I'm a grown ass man. I have an agenda. I have things I was supposed to be doing. But I am here indulging in my weak-ass pussy addiction instead of getting shit done."

              Out loud. I wasn't looking at her, but I can imagine her expression. She shut up, then said I needed to stop being so mean (lol) and that I was too hard on myself.

              Ugh, though. Imagining that haze just laying there...it was the worst feeling. I am so much happier on my feet driving towards goals than I am wallowing in pleasure.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              It reminds of a great thing that Victor Pride said, obsession isn't just one thing, it's the only thing.

              [–]king_of_red_alphas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              While your sentiment is correct, you can easily become just an all around unpleasant motherfucker to be around.

              Ever been around a "Type-A" woman? Yeah. Nails on a chalkboard. Same with people that are always "all about" one thing or another. I mean, good for you for doing it but, this is a forum on sexual strategy and many girls will just find that borderline autistic.

              It's also worth noting that there are somethings on life in which results are not commensurate with effort.

              This is one reason why "oneitis" is looked at as the bad habit that it is. It encourages many technical problem-solver types (which TRP attracts) to convince themselves that they can out-smart the girl's lack of attraction by acting this way or that way.

              Then when it doesn't work - AngerStage++

              IMO - balance and peace of mind are far more important and ironically more difficult to achieve.

              [–]J_AsapGem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              reading this i feel so guilty bro, i started learning french, i was doing great for 3 weeks then i stopped.. never was able to start back, this encouraged me too though i will do it.

              [–]IFuckingHateAllergy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Obsession is the wellspring of genius and madness. - Michel de Montaigne

              [–]bromance946 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Become obsessed with everything you do, is the ideal. Whatever you do, lose yourself in it.

              [–]MetacognitiveMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              "If it is important, do it every day. If it's not important, don't do it at all." - Dan Gable

              [–]Smooovies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I had a moment this weekend when I realized how much I don't like myself, mostly due to whatever potential I didn't meet in my younger years. Despite all of the dedication I've put to achieving my goals recently, I'd spent so much time chewing myself up that I literally was repulsed by my existence. Somehow I found that happiness for me was an acceptance of what I like, and not backing off from getting it regardless for any criticism that comes with that. I swear I stepped back and saw that I'd lived to not upset people for such a long time that I denied myself very basic wants, and now that I'm more successful, I can afford to care less.

              [–]ECTD 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              This is why I'm studying like 6hrs a day for the Probability exam For the Society of Actuaries and I'm gonna turn it up because I only know 35% of the exam. Great post mate

              [–]Dopebear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              The lifting thing is different since you need to be smart with it, such as using different muscle groups each day so you're not targeting the same muscle group day after day--muscles do need time to recover which during this time is where their strength and size comes to fruit.

              But most people seemingly don't know this anyway and just think about obsession/drive as bad.

              So the conclusion being, be smart about it. Studying literal 24/7 outside of sleep/eat/toilet is detrimental, for example.

              [–]ryno55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Man I love all the positive encouragement to reach our goals that we get here. Thanks. Keep it up!

              [–]whatwhatinthebutt19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              This is how I broke 70 at my golf course. I used to shoot 95 - 100 and just decided that I was too good of an athlete to not be good at golf. So I got a membership with unlimited golf range privileges. Watched the golf channel, got tips from other golfers and hit alot of balls. The jump from 95 to 85 was very quick. But it took months to break 80.

              People would say how great I was cause the average joe never gets to play with someone with a true single digit handicap. But I wasn't satisfied until I could shoot par. My best round to date was a 73 when all of the stars a lined and I shot a 69. I called my dad with tears in my eyes to tell him. It was one of the greatest days of my life.

              [–]natman2939 3 points4 points  (3 children)

              The only thing that worries me about becoming obsessed with one thing is that it always seems be at the expense of so many other good things

              I've recently started making a list. A quota of things I want to do every week/month. I literally just started last week and am entering week 2 but I'm already discovering that I seem to be able to get all of 1 or 2 things done or some of all.

              But never all of all. There's just not enough time in the day.

              It's really simple shit too. Read 1 book. Listen to 1 audiobook. Watch 3 movies. Watch 3 documentaries. Watch/listen to 1 stand up comedian. Play one new video game a month (figure it'll help mental patterns and shit)

              This is on top of daily quotas (exercise, meditate, chores, news, learn) all of which I would like to give at least 15 to 20 minutes to

              And in haven't even mentioned work....which I should be doing no less than 4 hours a day (if not 8 like a regular person)

              Granted I started a few days late but last week my progress was basically: managed to listen to the audiobook I picked and one movie and essentially One documentary

              And got about 20 pages into the book I was supposed to read.

              That's it. The other movies and documentaries and the comedian didn't happen. There just wasn't time in the week.

              And I haven't even started my new hobby (I happen to want to learn a language myself)

              And again, I haven't even talked about work (sort of had an off week actually last week. God help me when I'm actually busy)

              Help me brothers. How can I fit all this in? How can I optimize?

              (I know spending less time on reddit would be a good start which is why my 20 to 30 minutes of "News" time is supposed to be when I'm allowed to see what's up in the world and then not be allowed back on until everything else is done: I cheated and counted "learning" as part of it too since I was technically learning (I certainly didn't know some japanese pop star had been stabbed until I learned it on reddit)

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              Hey, you're being a little too hard on yourself. You already got through your audiobook and 20 pages of a book you had on the list. That's infinitely more progress than when you weren't practicing keeping in sync with your goals. Optimization comes with experience a lot of times. Maybe something that would help would be to prioritize your goals. You seem to have a lot, perhaps ordering them would help. Also, remember that it's in your head. Taking that insurmountable "goal" and splitting it into easily doable chunks is what will get you there.

              So, in a nutshell: Keep doing it and practicing. Split large tasks/goals into smaller ones - (i.e., "read a book in a week" becomes "read one chapter before bed" perhaps). Prioritize.

              [–]natman2939 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Thank you. That's actually really great advice. I'm gonna do it.

              [–]JihadDerp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Read "getting things done" by David Allen. Great book on time management and priorities

              [–]elevul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I guess I'm lucky to live in a city (Bruxelles) where everyone is insanely motivated and pushing to improve themselves and their lives, so I've never received those kinds of critiques.

              [–]LaughsTwice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Tell em "I'll slow down when I'm dead"

              [–]Expectations1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Bruce Lee: "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine"

              [–]michael_wilkins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Being obsessed with weightlifting is silly.

              You make gains when your sleeping.

              [–]Redasshole 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              Alors qu'est-ce qui t'as poussé à vouloir apprendre le Français?

              [–]103342[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              en particulier le cinéma de Robert Bresson. J'aime Au Hasard Balthazar.

              [–]Philzy610 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Absolutely! Family are the worst offenders when it comes to this. The idea is that they don't want to see you change in a way that you will leave them in the dust. Friends do this to a far lesser extent. Can't tell you how many times I have worked out a little bit, saw results, and family members told me to slow down or I was at the perfect size etc.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              obsessed is just a word lazy/boring people use to describe passion

              if you're focus and have goals then you're a tryhard. this sort of thinking is what turns most people into followers. what's wrong with being good at something? what's wrong with having passions and ambitions? a person doesn't need to make themselves smaller to make others more comfortable or earn their approval. you can be comfortable and do whatever allows you to fit into a box of what society considers acceptable, or you can make your life meaning. that meaning doesn't have to come from being "chill" or doing your best to not care about anything so you can be cool or popular. it comes from having goals and passion and not letting other people's words make you lose your passion.

              DO IT

              [–]Ghostilluminati 0 points1 point  (8 children)

              Society will always try and keep you in your box, but there are times where advice should be taken.

              Being obsessed with your goals is nowhere near as important as being strategic and smart with your plans on how to ACTUALLY ACHIEVE THEM.

              Take training: Lifting 3-4 days a week is more than any person will ever need. 5-7 is too much.You are either overtraining and not leaving enough time for recovery or you aren't going hard enough in your 3 days a week. Physique and strength improvement are goals that are based around "recovery". Therefore you must have balance.

              Its all about training smarter not harder. I wish when I was younger someone told me that. I would have avoided numerous injuries. The "train till you drop" zealots are only making things worse, treating physique training like NAVY SEALs selection. It isn't sustainable and it isn't smart. You WILL get injured.

              [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

              This is so wrong I wish I could down vote it more. "Training" 5 to 6 days a week will not injure you if your programming is designed for a 5/6 day per week cycle. Whether or not you "overtrain" is entirely dependent on the volume and intensity of your lifts. And although size and aesthetics might be a game of recovery, muscle memory and movement patterns are a game of consistency.

              I'm currently on an oly program that's 5 days/week but my weights are between 60-85% of my max which allows me to build consistency at different pulls in my lifts. Most oly lifters will probably scoff at the idea of training 3 days/week because it simply doesn't provide enough time under the bar.

              [–]Ghostilluminati 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              It is simple. If you are able to train that many days a week you are either not training hard enough or you are a natural beast. It is the basic mechanics of long term strength training. Recovery = growth.

              Just because you aren't lifting on your off days doesn't mean you can't train. I advocate Brazilian Jiu Jitsu as a complementary sport to lifting. It will teach you how to be humble and will torch the fat off you.

              I'm not saying that training 5-7 days isn't possible, rather I'd argue its not optimal for long term success and injury prevention.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              It is simple. If you are able to train that many days a week you are either not training hard enough or you are a natural beast.

              You don't understand how programming or periodization works. Not everyone is on a powerlifting program.

              Just because you aren't lifting on your off days doesn't mean you can't train.

              I agree. But just because you are lifting every day doesn't mean you're not training hard enough, it means your coach (or whoever designed the program) was smart enough to program light days or tapers to allow your CNS to recover while still giving you time under the bar.

              I'm not saying that training 5-7 days isn't possible, rather I'd argue its not optimal for long term success and injury prevention.

              And I'd argue you're wrong. There are plenty of athletes, professional and amateur alike, that lift 5+ days a week to great effect, myself included. We're not natural beast, we just have good programming and probably aren't on a powerlifting routine. There are plenty of people doing a variation of PPL that are in the gym 6 days a week, that haven't injured themselves, and have seen awesome results. Again, many oly weightlifting routines are 5-6 days per week and people sustain that volume for literally decades. It's just that these programs don't ask you to PR every week because you're usually working at percentages of your 1rms.

              Again, not everyone is on a linear progression powerlifting program.

              [–]103342[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

              Since I started lifting 5/6 times a week, I've gotten results a lot faster. No joke.

              My progression on heavy weights is going a little slower, but I feel zero pain, and a lot more energized.

              I started going because I was battling some serious anxiety and lifting helped. But my results, specially in aesthetics, gotten a lot better.

              [–]TissueBabies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I feel bad about myself when I don't go to the gym. I know I need rest days to help my progress, but I enjoy the gym intensely because I am clearly making progress and being the future me.

              [–]BrotherBloodAngel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              The real solution is to adapt to your own self. When I first started lifting I lifted 5 to 6 days a week. 3 by 10 every muscle group each day with a half hour to an hour of cardio. I didn't build any muscle and didn't burn any fat. I did this for 3 months before finally changing my routine. I've been on a 3 day program almost 2 years since and I do cardio maybe once or twice a week. I'm 25 pounds lighter than when I had that plateau with a hell of a lot more muscle. Recovery time is necessary to build unless you're just trying to stay cut. No need to overwork your energy and time unless you actually see results from it.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Tried 6 days a week, was indeed too much

              4-5 times a week is the sweet spot for me (while bulking), limiting the workout time to 50-70 minutes.

              [–]reddumpling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Thank you for the reminder. I didn't realise how much I am affected by this till I read your post.

              [–]evilkenevil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Totally agree. People say being obsessed is something bad. It's not. Being obsessed can lead to mastery and greatness. Go ahead and be obsessed and reach then exceed your goal.

              [–]ruboski 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              This post reminds me of the MFCEO's podcast about killing it everyday.

              https://soundcloud.com/the-mfceo-project/kill-it-every-day

              For those who don't who he is, he calls himself the Motherfucking CEO - he's a CEO of 1st Phorm, a supplement company that built itself up over the years to be one of the best in the industry.

              He's brutally honest in what he says, and cuts to the point. He doesn't believe in fluff, and has a lot of redpill principles in what he discusses.

              That episode itself, he talks about being productive and sticking to your goals. He goes on about his 'powerlist', a to-do list with 5 items and how it's all about working at it everyday.

              A good listen if you've got time at the gym, on your drive to work or in the train.

              He has quite a few podcasts, definitely worth a listen, or check out his snapchat: MFCEO-1

              [–]reffan 0 points1 point  (5 children)

              But what if you have no goals...?

              [–]JihadDerp 0 points1 point  (4 children)

              Get some? Girls are generally attracted to ambitious guys

              [–]reffan -1 points0 points  (3 children)

              Welp, problem is, I don't have goals nor I am interested in getting laid or whatever.

              [–]n_dois 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Well, your first goal is to find a second goal.

              [–]InBaggingArea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              So what you're saying is NOT "don't worry, be happy".

              [–]greatslyfer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              While your family shouldn't hinder you in your lifting goals, lifting everyday is not good mate.

              [–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

              No mentions of Trump?

              Guess what distinguish him from the 'average' guy... Yeah, he was trained by his father from early on to be 'obsessed' of winning.

              But it is a two sided sword. It did cost the life of his brother who couldn't compete at the same level as Donald.

              [–]fearachieved -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              No shit. I've done this since I was a kid. Though I guess I should add this was mostly because I was terrified of people, so I saw my hobbies as a refuge, dove into every one of them head first for that reason.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

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