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Field ReportWomen Want Desirability, not Exclusivity (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Withmere

Interesting relationship developed in my senior year of college. Met a girl, about a 7, who I sexually advanced with the first night we met. Her roommate, who I've fucked countless times, introduced us. All was going well for about 2-3 weeks until I started spending too much time with her. Started meeting up with her before bars (never do this), leaving early, even getting food together. Was planning on taking her to my fraternity formal and had already invited her. However, she felt too comfortable. A week before the formal she texted me "I think we should just go together as friends". Yeah right. I immediately responded with "thanks for letting me know, I'll take someone else then," and invited another plate that I'd been spinning (lesson here: always have options and leverage). This was like a sexual turbo charger in my relationships with the 7. Sure, she was upset, offended and had already bought her dress-- not my problem. But the sex that week leading up to formal was amazing. More passionate, frequent, and she wanted to do anything and everything (had never offered certain orifices before). She was trying to show me that she was the superior sexual prospect. Even fucked me the day I left for formal because she wanted to do it the same day I fucked my date. And the day I got back.

My point is, before this I had never had such a first hand experience about how women simply want a man with high status who is desired by many women. It's a herd mentality that if a guy is desired, I should desire him too. In the future, I plan to be open and forthright about the plates that I'm spinning to each plate. This flips the abundance script. Now the girl is vying for your attention, whereas the reverse is the situation everyone should avoid. Women don't really care about exclusivity. They might say they do socially, but deep down it isn't one of their concerns outside of STDs. Never show exclusivity to a plate, and always keep her emotional hamster running. Demonstrate that you have many plates, that she isn't special, and then she will try to prove that she is special. Best sex I've had in a while.

TLDR: Have options, be upfront about them, and your options will beg for your attention


[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime 635 points636 points  (30 children)

"thanks for letting me know, I'll take someone else then,"

Wheel barrowed your balls to the dance after that one.

[–]Withmere[S] 155 points156 points  (4 children)

Haha I appreciate the compliment but just to clarify this comment thread, it honestly took no courage whatsoever. It was just a simple decision about who would be the better date. One was playing games, so I went with another. I shared the story here because I found the first girl's behavior change so drastic and relevant to TRP.

[–][deleted] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

This is what swallowing the pill looks like. Ain't love grand?

[–]trtanon 22 points23 points  (1 child)

> One was playing games, so I went with another

This is TRP summed up in one sentence. If you have a *minimum of 2 options*, nothing can affect you. I'm no scientist, but I would bet that having abundance changes your brain chemistry.

[–]StudntRdyTeachrApear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm no scientist, but I would bet that having abundance changes your brain chemistry.

I would confidently say that you are speaking for any man who has intimate experience with this mindset. I have tried to attain this mindset in a LTR without cheating, but it doesn't seem possible. You either have and experience abundance through contacting multiple options, or you are relegated to scarcity.

MRP advises catch and release. Perhaps I am ignorant to its relative success in achieving this state, but from my experience it doesn't seem possible to truly replicate. Changing your brain chemistry is not easy to do without legitimate environmental stimuli.

[–]destraht 11 points12 points  (0 children)

thanks for letting me know, I'll take someone else then,

If you were less attractive, didn't have a backup plate and it didn't work out then someone would surely be accusing you of being autistic for saying that. I learned long ago that when its my time that I just can't lose and so I say whatever the fuck I want and that a Seinfeld style "I was just sayin'" is always good enough to squeak out of going too far with something. I have four continents worth of culture, idiosyncrasies and hangups crashing through my head and I don't feel like keeping up with the daily grind of that. My point is that you can largely just say whatever you want to say. Phew, imagine how much different politics would be if more of the beta dudes just figured that out tomorrow.

[–]DayGameChirality 75 points76 points  (17 children)

Wheel barrowed your balls to the dance after that one.

Not a native English speaker, can you explain?

[–]ShokuMikhail 208 points209 points  (4 children)

Ill break it down. Typically, something daring requires alot of courage, where I am, America alot of guys associate courage or daring with "having balls", which the same thing as a strong gut to follow through with something, or do that thing in the first place. Now, the joke is that the more daring/stupid something is, the bigger balls they have. In this case, he's insinuating that the "Ill take someone else instead" was so "ballsy"(daring) that he must have balls SO big that he has to use a wheelbarrow to cart them around, as they could fit in his pants.

Hope this helps, and that I answered the question right.

[–]webguy1975 36 points37 points  (3 children)

What if your balls are too big for the wheelbarrow? Can you forklift them?

[–]racife 53 points54 points  (2 children)

I've heard that Titanic's sinking due to crashing into an iceberg was just an excuse. It was actually OP's balls.

[–]Cdsmasher 1 point2 points  (1 child)

He ain't that old dude... unless his balls are so big that it actually teared dimensions and travelled through time and sunk the ship. Mind = blown.

[–]Trainmasta 28 points29 points  (9 children)

He is saying he has big balls, as in his balls were so big after dropping that comment a wheel barrow would be required to carry them around.having “big balls” means having a lot of guts, giving zero fucks, etc.

[–]stribblystroodles 12 points13 points  (8 children)

Holy shit until now i thought it was “wheel barrel” wtf am i high

[–]antariusz 30 points31 points  (7 children)

Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

[–]Interkellar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wow. Underrated with 1 upvote. How long did this even take? I read it all

[–]antariusz 7 points8 points  (0 children)

About 2 minutes.

1 minute to google “common grammar mistakes copy pasta”

1 minute to copy and paste the comment into my Apollo App.

[–]Occams_Stubble -1 points0 points  (3 children)

For all intents and purposes.

[–]untonyto 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You barely scratched the sir face

[–]omega_dawg93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you don't need giant balls to say what he said.

you need game, ie., an 'i don't give a flying fuck' attitude.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It basically means he has a lot of confidence. "Big balls" signify confidence. Carrying them in a wheelbarrow implies this.

[–]Ayrab4Trump 4 points5 points  (1 child)

  • Men want women
  • Women want men to want them

[–]1KyfhoMyoba 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The desire of the man is for the woman. The desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.

  • Some European dude.

[–]Greg4581 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I honestly don't see how saying that requires courage, especially when you text it. Texting is a lot easier than making a bold statement face-to-face.

[–]__ROOSTER__ 8 points9 points  (2 children)

still had the balls to lose her vs submit

[–]Greg4581 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Well yes but he had already been friend-zoned by her at that point so he had nothing else to lose.

[–]cBIGONE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He was not friendzoned. Friendzone is a myth first of all. She was shit testing him.

Just to clarify that friendzone is not a thing. If a girl has you doing a ton of stuff for her with no reciprocation, that's just YOU being a pussy.

[–]Mr-Ed209 185 points186 points  (5 children)

Women care more about what other people/women think about who they are fucking than exclusivity itself. If not having exclusivity means people judge her for being easy etc, then she will try to put wraps on it. But her motivation is because of what her peers think, not some visceral feeling of exploitation like it is for men.

The whole pre-selection thing is one of those weird - the rich get richer phenomenon. I've seen it so many times in social circles. Guy in the group starts dating one high value girl, then her friends also develop crushes and often times he pops a few of them because it becomes so easy pickings. Cue dramas, cue 'men are trash'. These women ey, they do it to themselves and everybody knows it.

[–]Proto_Sigma 49 points50 points  (2 children)

The whole pre-selection thing is one of those weird - the rich get richer phenomenon.

It’s Pareto in action, bucko.

[–]iSwallowedTRP 25 points26 points  (1 child)

For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. Matthew 25:29

It’s the Bible in action, bucko.

[–]Cavannah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As God has decreed it, so too shall we faithful few do.

[–]Paladin2903 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This is very true. It’s a basic (and very true) concept that, the more you have, the more people want to give you. Hence, the rich get richer.

People want to be around those that society has deemed to have a high social standing. It’s all evolutionary sociology. Real animalistic lizard brain-type shit.

Nobody wants to associate with someone who society has deemed to be a loser, because other people might look at them as an unpopular loser.

[–]Alpha_Jedi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Women care more about what other people/women think about who they are fucking than exclusivity itself."

That's deeply insightful. Well said. Cheers.

[–]Alpha_Jedi 31 points32 points  (2 children)

It's amazing how counter intuitive it seems, but then it actually works. I once told a girl on a date that after I was heading to see other girl, and that girl wound up being a great hook up buddy for 7 months. Cheers.

[–]Withmere[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Holy fuck dude, just spent a minute on your website and your article on girl game blew my mind. I know all these types of girls, and the girl I took on formal is a definition Scenester. To a tee. Scary how accurate.

[–]Alpha_Jedi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you enjoyed it. I think the topic of girl game is a little under-discussed. Cheers.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 116 points117 points  (9 children)

Awesome field report.

You played it perfectly. She thought she had you under control and offered you a spot on her bench of orbiters... and you calmly said no, covertly but firmly made your expectations understood as well as hinted on your having options, and not caring one bit for her being upset, showing that she won't be able to manipulate you. This is perfect Abundance Mentality and Outcome Independence and being your own Mental Point of Origin. Anybody on the path here, take notes. This is what true red pill implementation looks like. It involves no work, no lies, no drama. Just the right mindset due to the habit of spinning plates.

women simply want a man with high status who is desired by many women. It's a herd mentality that if a guy is desired, I should desire him too.

This is perfectly right. Preselection is by far the most powerful tool in your Game toolbox. Girls are indecisive by nature. Even if a girl feels attraction for you, she won't be sure that the right decision is to act on those feelings. She'd need to talk about it with her BFF, with her hairdresser, write it up in her journal. She needs confirmation from the hivemind. And there is no better way for the hivemind to confirm it than for her to see you're attracting other girls.

In the future, I plan to be open and forthright about the plates that I'm spinning to each plate.

Yup, but just don't be too open about it to the point that it sounds like you're trying hard. Bring it on casually, when warranted. If she contacts you to meet up Friday night, say "Can't do babe. Already booked. What about Saturday?"

Women don't really care about exclusivity.

No they actually do care. But not about sexual exclusivity. They immensely care for an exclusive provider of resources. When her strategy shifts to securing beta providing, her main priority will be not the amount of resources he can provide, but the insurance that he'll provide exclusively to her. In a way, she doesn't care if her beta provider fucks another girl but she'll care immensely about the possibility that following this, he might leave for the other woman.

That's why dread is so efficient in relationships. For a LTR leading to having kids, you will need to offer your sexual exclusivity to convince her you'll stick around (or have made sexual openness a non-negotiable from day 1 of having met her, accompanied with constant reinsurance that you WILL stand by her even though you're getting some on the side, and even then, she might get a nervous breakdown down the line). But for her sexual desire for you to continue, you'll need to hint that other girls want you. A LTR is an unstable system where you gotta walk the fine line between re-assuring her of your commitment and hinting at the possibility that this commitment is not set in stone.

For anything else than a LTR leading to having kids, offering sexual exclusivity is just a low-SMV tell you're giving. Don't confuse your desire for her sexual exclusivity, with her desires. They have little in common.

Never show exclusivity to a plate, and always keep her emotional hamster running. Demonstrate that you have many plates, that she isn't special, and then she will try to prove that she is special. Best sex I've had in a while.

Can't say it better.

[–]__ROOSTER__ 19 points20 points  (7 children)

no, in marriage you don't have to offer sexual exclusivity, in fact that would be a generally poor idea. It takes a casual glance at the world of powerful men to know this isn't true. Nor does it need to exist from day 1 (though I find it simpler)

Women want all your resources but they will settle for most.

They need to know as long as they do their job you'll stick around but if they fuck up you'll replace them with a new model.

As long as your side pussy doesn't threaten your wife's position AND you don't publicly embarrasses her too much she will be fine.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Interesting. Are you speaking from experience?

[–]RocketScientist_nr3 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Where I'm from, marriage is actually a contract that stipulates: if you fuck around, your wife can (and probably will) ruin you in court, if she wants to. It happens all the time. Don't provide her that leverage.

I can confirm u/Auvergnat on his views on LTR's, and LTR with kids, ...from experience.

[–]party_dragon 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Does the contract also stipulate, that if you don’t fuck around, your wife can’t ruin you? Otherwise, it’s a rather pointless contract...

[–]RocketScientist_nr3 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Does the contract also stipulate, that if you don’t fuck around, your wife can’t ruin you? Otherwise, it’s a rather pointless contract...

Your analysis is spot on. It is indeed a pointless contract for men. Yet it is a contractual insurance for women to get paid by you, when they don't like you anymore. Unless you're Chad, it will happen.

Don't marry. It didn't stop me from having children, and have their mom as my SO, and have them all live with me as one happy family (no binding cohabiting laws over here). Not being married means she can't be tempted by the idea of divorcing and cashing out.

[–]cBIGONE 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lucky you have no binding cohabitation laws there. That's the coffin

[–]RocketScientist_nr3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are almost always legal consequences to a split anyway. But it helps if those are proactively countered by keeping everything nicely separated from the get go: no joint finances, I bought the house and the appliances and the furniture, I got my car, she got hers, I got my name, she has hers to use, I have my job, she's got hers, and so on... I refuse to buy or "invest" into shit together. Because that is what could make a separation tricky even without known cohabitation laws. The only big exception to this rule are the kids for which I'd have to pay support if she left with them. But that's an unavoidable risk as you can 't make those on your own (and kids do need their mom).

[–]bipedalsentient 2 points3 points  (0 children)

there's many more within the scope of the contract, that specific condition is just one of them.

[–]1Zanford 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Great field report, perfect in its simplicity. You held out for the deal you knew you deserved, and you got it.

This is how you handle a potential frienzoning - you don't whine or beta orgift-give your way out of it, you just non-butthurtfully softnext her for greener pastures, and let her chase you back.

Had a few instances like this - such as when Chick A found out I was going to an event with Chick B, b/c Chick A hadn't earned the invite - and it's some of the best pussy lube there is.

I can also second OP's experience of girls getting off on fucking you the same day you fuck another chick. They love it.

[–]webguy1975 24 points25 points  (1 child)

So you had some Chick-fil-A?

[–]Datanami 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He did probably fill Chick-A

[–]yesbuthereswhy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I can also second OP's experience of girls getting off on fucking you the same day you fuck another chick. They love it.

My wife must have missed that memo 😂

[–]1Zanford 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All about establishing the frame ahead of time my friend. It's easier said than done, but when you pull it off, it'll make you believe in god

[–]SKRedPill 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't think that 7 should be upgraded though - she'll only be like that as long as she's chasing.

[–]yesbuthereswhy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can definitely agree with this. I’ve always had a decent build but after putting on some good chunk of muscle I can’t keep my wife off me. Everywhere I go with her women are always checking me out and in turn she becomes magnetized to me. If exclusivity turned women on then there would be no such thing as a deadbedroom. You’ve got to dread by physical abundance or be a high quality man who lifts and DGAF.

Excellent FR.

[–]Datanami 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You did good but I don't think you should be too overt about your options. Dread should be subtle or it can backlash due to ASD, it should be aimed at her subconscious.

[–]Lambdal7 4 points5 points  (2 children)

What most redpillers forget and what OP misinterprets is that this effect is only short term.

Once you go beyond a few weeks, desirability and sexual attraction account for less and less while provider qualities account for more and more.

If you don't want her around for lonner than a few weeks sure, no provider qualities needed, but if you do, they're rather obligatory.

That's why plates have a short shelf-live of only a few weeks most of the time.

[–]TissueBabies 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I tend to disagree. If you can provide some emotional grease and pass comfort tests, plates will last a good long time. Given that they're actually into you and not just having some fun.

[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which are provider qualities. :)

[–]luzarius 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Competition brings out the best in people in all areas of life.

[–]2chazthundergut 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Perfect response/ frame control. You just leveled up dude.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

a cry for exclusivity is a shit test

i don't even give exclusivity to my wife

[–]stevesanchez123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my younger days i had my girlfriend tell me 2 days before we were supposed to go out of town she didn't think she could go because of work, a month earlier she told me she had requested the days off. Mind you i had already purchased her tickets for the events and everything. It was a bullshit excuse but i sat on the phone with her for an hour trying to get her to change her mind which got me nowhere except an hour later. In hindsight i should of done what you did and told i would just take someone else who would love the opportunity and done so. Good on you op.

[–]Aggressive_Beta 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my younger blue pill college days I went through a period of spinning plates but I felt shameful about it. I felt that since it turned me off knowing they were fucking other guys that it would turn them off if they knew I was fucking other girls. I was solipsistic and projecting my masculine ideals into them, because that’s what feminist blue pill culture had conditioned me to believe: Men think like women and women think like men.

I was not successful. It’s hard to keep it a secret when your main plate keeps blowing up your phone when you’re with plate number 2. I didn’t realize the preselection was actually working out in my favor even though it made me feel like a douche bag at the time for making plate 2 feel “bad”. Little did I know that plate 2 really just wanted to feel, period. AWALT.

[–]gorebwn 1 point2 points  (1 child)

" Started meeting up with her before bars (never do this) "

What's your reasoning for this? I find meeting at my place then going together is great for logistics because then we have to come back to my house together before she goes home. Makes it much easier to create the right moment to close. Thoughts?

[–]Alpha_Jedi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meeting at your place or hers is always more logistically sound than meeting in the world. And you said it best, it makes it much easier to create the right moment. Well said. Cheers.

[–]dingleburry_joe 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Question, could this have worked by simply demonstrating abundance mentality even though you may not have had the other plate? For example if you didn't have the other plate but said that you were going to take someone else anyway just to show her you DGAF. As a newbie, I'm still in the process of gathering plates to spin and trying to change my mindset to begin it. Is this something to do to get the ball rolling?

[–]cBIGONE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. And if it didn't, do you really want to beta orbit some bitch? Probably better going alone

[–]Alpha_Jedi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that can be very effective. The key is to keep it covert and subtle and you'll see the hamster go into overdrive. So whether or not you have another plate, all she needs to know is that you have "other plans" that don't include her and her imagination will fill in the rest. Of the tools in your Game toolbox, Implying is a very powerful tool.

[–]shongizmo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I got a question, How do you keep spinning plate when the girl you are dating asks you if you are dating others and or asks you to stop? Just saying "I will do what ever the fuck I want with whom ever I want" seems to me will make that girl stop seeing you allot of times.

[–]Gozsayin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Back when I first started plating I was out clothes shopping with a 7 (she was paying), and I the minute we walked into the small store I noticed all the customers and staff were woman and they were all watching me. Why, because I had walked in with a reasonable beautiful woman. The effect was unreal he I was failing at pickup for years and the minute I have a girl and stop looking No less than 3 woman 2 customer 1 staff started openly Lol me. Knowing how women works make me sick but knowing is half the battle.

[–]BundChoos 3 points4 points  (5 children)

I call fake. Very easy to spot one. I bet she friendzoned his ass and that was the end of that OP is lying to look more Alpha.

[–]The_Real_Cannaman 4 points5 points  (1 child)

80% of stories are fake unless he's a fuckin chad, which i doubt, coz i asked 20+ chads if they know what reddit is. Nobody knew.

Also, so long karma.

[–]BundChoos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is really pathetic. "Field Reports" hahaha.

Only thing TRP has been good for is exposing female nature. That is about it

[–]antman333 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What are the fake indicators? Share your knowledge Jedi

[–]BundChoos 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The fact that she denied him and he started crying like a little bitch. And never showed any proof of her saying sorry. When she could easily ask someone else.

If anything he acted like a little bitch. And she got creeped out and bounced.

[–]alucard1uk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't confirm if true or not but in my own experience, especially when in a LTR when any partner knows and see's other women being interested they tend to hamster quite a bit and their levels of effort increase.

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire2 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's pretty pathetic how easily manipulated they are. Why would it be relevant that you had someone else? What if the other girl was a complete slag? She went from, "this guy likes me too much, he must be a worthless loser" to "omg, he's got other options! better surrender my butthole!"

Pathetic.

But good for you though. Use her like the mercenary slut she is and move on to better prospects because that's what she deserves for being stupid and shallow.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

So just because it worked one time, on one potentially insecure female, it’s the new norm? WOW! Thanks dude! I will now add this to my TRP toolbox.

[–]2kez88 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I know youre being a facetious cunt, but the point of it isn't that it 'worked' it's that he had the leverage to not need her or it to 'work' that lead to it 'working'

[–][deleted]  (11 children)

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        [–]ReasonableWealth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Fam just a protip: Next time someone asks for details like this just remember how many people are getting doxxed nowadays lol. Dont walk right into the trap.

        [–]Razeago 5 points6 points  (5 children)

        Don't fucking do this again. This is how trolls track you down. I believe you, but that shouldn't matter either. Just tell your story and help those who need it.

        [–]Withmere[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

        Yeah I just deleted this. This is all getting too much. Thanks for the advice.

        [–]rainbowstalin1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        pretty much just report. its against the rules to ask for personal information even disguised as "fake l0l pr00ve it"

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [removed]

          [–]Razeago 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Congrats, I just reported you for an indirect threat, harassment.

          [–]LunChoos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Lol beta lurking on reddit eh? You still play runescape bruv. Gtfo with that shit