This will sting a bit for some of you. But it needs to be said. And if it's already been said, then a few of you need to be reminded.
TL;DR: Stop caring about that one girl, because (1) she doesn't care about you, (2) it's not good for you, (3) she's fucking someone else, and (4) you can't change any of that. Care about yourself by doing and pursuing what you want.
We all have one. A girl you used to know. Yeah, that one. Things ended between you two at some point. Sometimes it ended amicably. More often, it ended badly, and she ended things with you. You didn't want it to end, but it did, and she's not in your life anymore. There's been no contact for some time - a few months, or even more than a year.
But you still think about her now and then. She pops into your head. You regret. A part of you wants her back, because she was nice to you, the sex was so good, or whatever. And that's because you CARE. You care about her.
I understand. You're hardwired to care about a woman you were intimate with. You're hardwired to give a shit. It just is.
But you need to stop caring about this woman. Because she doesn't care about you.
She moved on with her life. She is working at her job or taking care of her kids. She's fucking someone else, married to someone else, or not in a relationship. She's going out with her friends, enjoying her life, and generally doing what she wants to with her life. That doesn't include you.
And she doesn't care about you. She doesn't think about you. She doesn't wonder what you're doing or how you're feeling. She doesn't think about you because she gives no fucks. Your life has no effect on hers at all. She cannot care, because the moment she ended it with you she had to move on to other men, other situations and other pastimes that would offer her what she wanted/needed at that time. For whatever reason, she decided that you couldn't give her what she wanted or needed.
Read this next paragraph carefully, because despite the antiseptic sting, it'll be good for you. This is the key to the whole thing.
Right now, she is fucking someone else. And she isn't thinking about you at all while she's fucking him. She doesn't care about you, because if she did care about you, she'd be fucking you and not him. She cares about him. She does not care about you.
Or, maybe she didn't move on. Maybe she regrets ending it with you. Maybe she thinks about you a lot. Maybe she's in therapy. Maybe she gets drunk or high because she's so consumed with regret and remorse. Maybe she drowns her sorrows in Haagen-Dazs. I doubt that any of those things have much at all to do with you, but who knows? Even in that situation, she doesn't care about you. She cares about herself -- her pain, her regret, her problems, her issues. If she's not looking to you to fix them, she's looking to someone else, probably not herself.
The point is that there is absolutely nothing you can do about any of this now. Since it's very likely she cares not even a little bit about you or how you feel, your emotional investment and energy will not change the situation one bit, or move her one jot towards caring about you. So don't. Just stop.
And let's say she's in the second situation -- she regrets breaking up and wants you bad. She's probably a basket case, a total mess. Reuniting with her will not help her. It will make you much, much worse, both when the breakup happens again and in lost opportunities with other women and other situations.
Stop caring about her. Because she doesn't care about you. And if she does care about you, there's nothing you can do about that.
Do yourself a favor. Start caring about yourself. Start working out. Start making money. Start doing things for you. Start doing things you want to do with no regard for what others think you should do. Start pursuing what you want. Start spending some of your time doing what you want to do instead of spending all your time doing what you or others believe you need to do. Stop trying to rescue basket cases. Stop playing Captain Save A Ho. Stop caring about women who don't care about you.