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Building PowerAn introverts guide to becoming social (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by TunedtoPerfection

TL;DR: Go out, shit shower style, stop being in your head and invited people in.

I've been introverted my whole life. It's not a social handicap, it's not a dislike of people or socializing in general, it's not anything you probably attribute it to. I can command a crowd, I can pick up women, I can talk to men and make new friends. Introversion just means I figure out life reflectively instead of through my actions. Extroverts take action, and based on results continue or modify that action then try again. This is how they get energy to socialize, through the constant testing of these actions and the instantaneous results they provide. Introverts analyze our experiences, build theories and then test those theories to be later analyzed and compared. Hashing out a new theory excites and drives us. The actual testing and gathering of data we would much rather outsource with strict guidelines.

The fact of the matter is, we am very rare. Most introverts have been breed out of existence, because introversion isn't the best trait to have when you need to adapt quickly. While an Extrovert can solidify a belief pretty much "on the fly", introverts usually have a few things to consider before making the same core change. Now I said it wasn't a social handicap, and it's not, in fact it can benefit us greatly socially. But, introverts will need to make some changes to succeed in becoming a social person.

Isolation

First things first. Introversion is not being shy, being awkward, being a "loner" , or any of that. Now many introverts are those things but those things have to do with the isolation young introverts usually put ourselves in. Isolation is a big problem with young introverts because of how fast young kids "grow up" these days. It is very easy for a young introvert to be "left behind" socially and never be able to catch up with his peers. Make it a point to ensure your being social as it is easy to forget. Force yourself to go outside and interact with the world. Introverts need to make conscience effort to reach out and ensure we have opportunities to socialize. Go as far as planning events, don’t start with huge commitments unless you have a core group that will commit. Start with a drink or better offer to pre-game before an event a few friends are already going to. You will have to force your own socialization as a man, no one will do it for you, no matter how ripped/good you look. Don’t worry about being weird or awkward those will fall away in time as you get comfortable with interaction, but you have to act. This goes for social media too. Social media is a tricky one because it’s so fake to begin with. That is a topic for another article but in general when your coming out of your bubble just take action. Your gonna fuck up, your gonna weird some people out by „overstepping“ some imaginary boundary social people knew but you didn’t just do it and learn that boundary.

Today is the day you stop analyzing „what could have been“ and you forever analyze „what happened.“ If it did not happen to you, your not allow to analyze it. Anytime a what if situation pops in your head, think „I will have to try that and see what happens.“ Use discretion, obviously, but no more analyzing the 100 ways you could have asked out Courtney. You go do it, then analyze the situation later. By stopping the fantasy of „what if“ and you will open your own doors to the world.

The Basics

While I pretty much excelled in school, I was painfully far behind socially. The first girl I asked out had to tell me about deodorant in her rejection, I later found out I was stinking up my school for the better part of a year before that. Shower, Shit, Style. Sorry to tell you my introverted friend but we don’t get to “fly by the seat of our pants“ when it comes to social norms. You will need to develop a style, again other article for another day. But start seriously focusing on developing a style for yourself. Get in the habit of always reinventing yourself to the world as you experience more of it. Always err on the side of too much in regards to cleanliness and hygiene. Especially your own personal space, keep that shit clean and tidy. Spend a day or two to organize everything, then commit to keeping it organized. This part of your social and personal life just needs to be handled to an extreme. Do this so you have no reason to slip back into your head when your out socializing. There should be no reason to question yourself in regards to this aspect of your life. You are now a man that is always on the verge of bringing a woman home. You are always about to meet that one contact that can catapult your career. You are always about to invited to that event that will open doors for you. Always expect these things to pop up and you will have to act on them. The last thing you need is a reason to slip back into your head. You wanna talk to that very feminine blonde over there that is flashing „bedroom eyes“ at you but you didn’t have time to brush your teeth this morning. Sound familiar? Stop that shit. Handle your basics if for no other reason to keep yourself present.

Be Present

I was always in my head, usually going back and forth about some mundane issue I was making a moral dilemma of epic proportions out of mundane decisions. That is how I figure life out, but not everything needs the moral book thrown at it immediately. Just being present and in the moment with other people goes a long way. Introverts need to learn to put aside the debates going on in our heads when with others. People can sense when "your not really there" and most people find it extremely insulting especially coming from a stranger. This is why when introverts go out, we need to settle up everything our their mind first. Before leaving for the night, take 10-15 minutes and just come to an end point for the discussion going on in your head. You don't have to figure out if you should text Stacy again or if that looks to "needy", your going out to have a good time. Focus your introversion on that for now, on how to make this night the best night of your life. This is also made much easier by establishing a time to air out your head on a daily basis. Establishing a daily meditation routine to clear your internal stress will help make this focus much more effortless when your out and about.

Harness your Introversion

When your out, your out, so be out and be present. That doesn’t mean you have to give up being an introvert. As I said before introverts are rather rare, and even more rare is an introvert that can actually socialize. When you allow someone a glimpse into the power of the introverted process they will stand in awe at the revelations they make while with you. I know it sounds simple to us, because we do it every waking moment, but not everyone stops to ask the question why all the time. Not everyone takes time to stop and think about their emotions or morals, and people certainly fail to internalize important choices. There is a danger with this as it can cause introverts who first try it to dive very quickly into very deep conversation. This can be off-putting to the majority of people, especially when you first meet. Keep in mind people want to have fun with they are out and about. Use your setting and atmosphere to judge how deep your conversation gets and always err on the side of staying more lighthearted. Introduce people to the reflective process by posing the questions you would ask yourself to them. Allow them to come up with their answers in an interesting way and you’ll gather friends extremely quickly. Also slow down, I understand your mind is probably always racing at 1 million thoughts per second. But, pause, if not just to give the illusion of digesting the other person’s words first. No need to spit out answer to everything sometimes a slight grin and a chuckle conveys you understand it a much more meaningful manner.

“Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?” The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

This is how I am roughly 95% when I out with a mixed group. When you start getting more experience with women you will quickly learn they operate almost purely on the emotions. They will want to „Go“ but won’t have a clue where, they will be pissed at nothing and love everyone. It’s just not something you can take seriously, or hope to „fix“. But when you can nail this inquisitive, slightly condescending yet playful tone and attitude women will eat it up. It’s the same process we introverts „struggle“ with internally, just redirect and focused on someone else. You aren’t solving the problem, they are, your just guiding them to the answer. When they respond with a silliness, you give them silliness back. Get a dismissive answer, ask a dismissive question in return. If they take it deep and your feeling it, offer up that connection. Conversations like this build powerful bonds and are remembered for a lifetime.

This is the value you can bring to people that no one else can, the value of understanding themselves. But you have to be able to socialize and get the words out to bring it. That means out of your head, focusing on you and into the world, focused on them. You will spend your time alone, figuring out your own moral direction. When you decide to be out in the world, remember the value you bring to people and allow them access to it. This may seem like a small sacrifice to you, but in a world where we are never taught to internalize and are constantly bombarded by external answers, guiding someone inward is cherished.


[–]1Ill_Will7 181 points182 points  (14 children)

The first girl I asked out had to tell me about deodorant in her rejection, I later found out I was stinking up my school for the better part of a year before that.

Respect for being so damn honest. This is where being "nice" is actually not fuckin nice at all. Why didn't one of your friends tell you this or some other person you were hanging around by circumstance. If people were less caring about hurting someones "feelings" then you would have already learned this mistake and moved on to your next one.

[–]no92 42 points43 points  (6 children)

I tell my friends this type of stuff upfront, in private, but they don't do the same to me. I'm not sure if it's or if being nice and polite, or avoiding confrontation, or just trying to hold it over me. It is a problem which I'm finding annoying.

[–]goatwithbeergoggles 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It could be that your friends feel that you don't handle criticism well, and since they don't know what kind of criticism you will appreciate, they're staying on the safe side.

Certainly it could also be politeness, but in some way an atmosphere has been created which makes them avoid this type of thing.

[–]Irishminer93 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We're taught at a young age not to talk about politics or religion in case you offend someone, I blame this idea. Then again, it did take a long time to find a group of friends who can have a heated debate for a good hour or so without getting their 'feelings hurt' somewhere along the line. I tried every avenue as a high school student, including debate clubs (if you won an argument deemed "immoral" you were effectively thrown out) and the atheist club (they basically thought they were automatically cool for being different). It wasn't until 2 years ago I started finding friends like this.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If they would be your real friends they would have told you that you stink because they care about your wellbeing and how are you perceived.

They obviously think lesser of you, "let him stink, he can still deliver me favours while stinking". When I didn't shower one day because I was tired after work my friend told me "dude you stink, shower more frequently", at that time I knew that he cared more about the fact that I would have problems than being nice to me to get favours from me.

[–]yomo86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Handling constructive criticism well is a feat for the real man. How many red-pilled men do you know? Just rhetoric. I honestly just know two people who actually tell you 'thank you' when you criticize them in private. Being nice is a synonym for being courteous aka adhering to the rules of the court and etiquette is the word people are looking for, not being an honest motherfucker.

[–]1Ill_Will7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You understand this now. So try to find friends that are not so nice. I've come to realize, since red pill, that people that talk shit are not always trying to be mean to you. Rather they are trying to initiate or shit test you to see if your a character worth joining their ranks. Keep doing what your doing. If people get offended because you tell them they have shitty horse breath and you told them not because your an asshole but because you care about bettering them, then you will be ok. As long as whatever you do comes from a place of actual benevolence, you will have nothing to worry about.

[–]Irishminer93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just don't forget that there are people who really are assholes and do get a sense of pleasure from being an asshole.

[–]growinglats 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I agree with you, but in all seriousness, how do you not know about deodorant?

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Irishminer93 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    As a kid I went for the safe bet: Antiperspirant deodorant. Didn't work. Also didn't help that my diet was incredibly different from the people around me (this will effect how your sweat smells). Later figured it all out but I had to blow around 300$ to do so.

    [–]RoastyMacToasty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The deodorant I have makes me smell even worse so I've stopped using it. It's not antiperspirant as far as I can tell but from what I understand that's only really needed if you have problems with sweat which I don't have. Is it just a case of finding the one that works well with your body?

    [–]niggard_lover 91 points92 points  (2 children)

    Good stuff. I'm an introvert and what you say about pausing your analysis of events to go out in the real world and test things is spot on. It's easier said than done, obviously because a lot of introverts will overanalyze on the spot instead of just being in the moment. The one thing that introverted men need to do when interacting with women is to stop worrying about the right thing to say or do and do the thing. If you make a mistake, learn from it, but don't get analysis paralysis.

    [–]Irishminer93 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    While it's not a bad idea to analyze, it is important to know where to draw the line. If your analyzing to relax (like I do) so be it, if your analyzing out of fear though, might be time to call it inaction.

    [–]SmittyFromAbove 41 points42 points  (1 child)

    I honestly get exhausted doing social things all the time. I used to have lots of friends and found it mentally draining, now I have far fewer friends and find I can barely split my time with them. I always need a cooling off period in between hangouts as well.

    [–]An_Ignorant 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    This. I had way too many "social circles" too keep up with.

    I had to work and study, tiring myself to death just waiting for the weekend to arrive. When it finally did, I had 4 groups of friends to hang out with, couple of plates to spin and just 2 days to do it. It was extremely exhausting I just wanted to stay home and clean. But I went out anyway, motivated by the pussy.

    Fuck that.

    Now I spend more time with myself and I cut down my social interactions. Find what is right for you, more is not always better.

    [–]SucculentOtter 74 points75 points  (2 children)

    we am very rare

    Looking forward to reading this!

    [–]Menchstick 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    The rest ain't that bad, there are some pretty big mistakes but it's readable.

    [–]Liart13 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    I've been fighting my introversion for 5 years and the thing that really helped me a lot with this process is sudden (and very late) realization that women find this thoughtfulness attractive, if im not acting like a complete retard. Since then I decided that my introversion is a good thing and it changed everything. The whole IDGAF attitude just came naturally after that. So my advice is to embrace it - there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. You just need to start learning, and from your own mistakes too. You'll eventually understand what to do/say and when, because it's not rocket science. Be confident in your introversion, its totally ok with people (who knew?).

    I always knew women felt slightly uncomfortable with me because of it (only slightly- that's important and that's why introverts should learn to socialize) Turned out, it's only a small step from being uncomfortable to being agitated. And we all here know that for a woman it's a small step from agitation to arousal.

    [–]M23W0OH7FV2t 29 points30 points  (3 children)

    introverts are rather rare

    Actually, they're not. Susan Cain, author of Quiet Revolution, estimates that most of us (BP and RP) are introverts. The rest of your post isn't too shoddy, though -- I tend to nitpick.

    [–]Art3mis2093 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    That book was really useful i thought. Made me realise a lot of the previous generation's insistence on "self esteem" based on nothing was as stupid as i suspected.

    [–]Shaman6624 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    True that's so retarded.

    [–]BornShook 57 points58 points  (13 children)

    You started by saying that introversion is not the same as being socially awkward, but then you give advice on how to not be socially awkward.

    I'm an introvert myself, and heres my advice: If youre an introvert, but you have no problems socially, dont change a thing. If you're unconfident with social interaction, follow op's advice.

    I myself have no problems socially. I have plates, and they do most of the talking. I still talk plenty to my plates and others, but Id say I mostly speak in power talk. Meaning that Im concise, and I cut the bullshit. A good deal of my communication is non verbal. Whatever, it works. I usually get what I want out of most social situations

    Im not going to force social interaction though. I guess if youre an introvert with absoloutly no social life you have to do this shit that op outlined. But not giving a fuck has worked well for me. Some days I will litterally not talk to anybody except the cashier at the gas station when Im buying coffee in the morning. Other days I'll be approaching 20+ girls. I just do whatever I feel like doing.

    [–]IntrovertSigma 11 points12 points  (4 children)

    The power of introverts IMO is the ability to skip the small talk and get deep quickly.

    [–]Shaman6624 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    But also the pittfall. Connection between people doesn't just exist immediatly when you start talking. I've found small talk to be very usefull as a sort of kindling wood for a much more meaningfull and connected conversation. It's like connecting on a instinctual and emotional level before you pull out the big guns and connect on an intellectual level.

    [–]BornShook 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Small talk is cool if I'm not doing all of the talking.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 6 points7 points  (6 children)

    cut the bullshit

    So straight talk then?

    [–]BornShook 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    Power talk, straight talk, no-bullshit talk... Whatever you want to call it

    [–]Shaman6624 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Hes right powertalk is talking to manipulate while straight talk is talking to convey meaning.

    [–]BornShook 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Gotcha. I don't like the word manipulate though. Bad connotation. I'd say that I use power talk to lead a convorsation to the direction I want it to go. I use straight talk to execute plans. Not sure exactly which Im using at any given point. I use both simultaneously at times.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Nah they're different. You can read about it right there on the sidebar.

    [–]BornShook 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Read the piece you're talking about awhile back. Ill definitly give it another read though because Im rusty on the definitions.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Both are imperative. Straight talk is how men mostly communicate with each other. And power talk how women do so. If your woman is in your frame she'll usually respond to your straight talk.

    [–]BeefJerkyRocks 33 points34 points  (8 children)

    How about not trying to change your introverted nature and just accept it as it is? You don't have to be everyone's friend. Have you stopped to appreciate the people around you first?

    [–]no92 41 points42 points  (5 children)

    Many people use introversion as an excuse to not socialize. I did this. It was not helpful but what I did realize is that it's very easy to make friends with introverts or people with that same attitude.

    However the actual technical definition of introvert probably varies from this. It is noted as a often misused word - people can be quiet, asocial, antisocial, in their head and not be introverts. I think it likely requires some level of a psychological evaluation to determine if a person is truly an introvert or extrovert.

    [–]PekoPong 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The MBTI and all of Jung's "Psychological Types" work is a useful tool to 1) determine if a person is an introvert or extrovert, 2) what is really means (psychologically) to be an introvert (which is different to what being quiet or antisocial means).

    [–]1Captain_Save_A_Hoe_ 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Your hormones and lifestyle play a role in how you socialize too...

    [–]no92 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    True. But constant exercise which is the baseline for trp fixes most hormone issues, and I personally belive social skills and behavior can be learned (but generally faked or acted out in the learning phases).

    [–]Irishminer93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Your first part is true, but it's effect on social tendencies isn't noticeable unless you have minor self esteem issues. If you don't have self esteem issues this wont do anything.

    Your second part is definitely true for social skills but I'm curious as to what you mean by "behavior can be learned" because if someone doesn't have an interest in changing their behavior it wont change. The original comment was talking about how some people simply enjoy being introverted. That's not to say that some people don't use this as an excuse to not socialize, but some people genuinely only need one or two good friends and the rest is fine. Personally I'm not like that, I spent a few years learning the nuances of socializing effectively because of a deep seated fear that one day I'll be alone. Only thing that scares the crap out of me. But I can see the appeal of being unattached to people as a whole.

    [–]dannyboi1228 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Nice name hahahaha <3 E-40

    [–]Endorsed ContributorThotwrecker 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    Being introverted is objectively worse for some pursuits, better for others. If what you want to achieve (ie, have the most sex with the hottest women possible), then being extroverted will help you. There's no point hamstering "I'm just introverted" - the entire point of TRP is that men can change their behaviors and personality. Accepting yourself as you are is fine for things that are fixed - height and race for example. For things that can be changed, and have a real effect on your success in various endeavors, change it if it helps you.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That's a strong no from me. Introverts are inferior at everything short of leading technological innovations. This world is built for extroverts to live on easy mode while introverts burn in hell from young age like OP mentioned.

    [–]RisingTogether 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Well, one of the most profound tip I learnt to be more social is to actually verbalize ur thought ( a post somewhere IDK). At first it's hard for me because if I verbalize people will judge me and if I verbalize whom do I need to tell it to. I solved it by knowing that I'm enough and if people hate me then that'S their problem. And what I see is that telling my thoughts to other people whomever it was actually made them have a rapport to you. Try it! Verbalize ur thoughts

    [–]Alchemist_XP 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    For some of us this just doesn’t work. The amount of times I’ve done that, gone ou be social hang out with people, get out there.... everytime only reminds me of why I enjoy being introvert in the first place.

    Now don’t get me wrong, sure I want a social life, I just want it on my terms! Which of course isn’t fair in any relationships really, so that’s why I refrain. I’m 29 now, and I truly don’t know at this point if some can join society at this point

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Not a lot of actionable advice. Just a lot of abstract theory without any suggestions on what to try and how that may work. IMO

    [–]Twentyfivedeep 16 points17 points  (7 children)

    Solid post but dude, you really need to learn the different between your and you're.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    As an introvert I accept that social interaction can take a lot out of me and spend the time I need on my own to “recharge”. Approaching and social situations are not awkward per se but rather than thriving off them as a true extrovert would I keep these interactions manageable to my comfort level.

    [–]1Fossil54 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Something that really helped me get out of my head was meditation. 15ish minutes a day taught me to be more present in each moment and less in my head.

    Also when you’re out watch your drinking. A common introvert/social awkward mistake is to overdrink. A few drinks and you lose all your inhibitions and actually exist in the moment. One drink over the line and baby you’re never leaving your headspace.

    It’s much easier to learn to get to the right headspace without alcohol than it is to flirt with the danger line all night.

    [–]Hussy68 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Take some theanine. Should help out.

    [–]RyujiSawamura0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I used to be a pure introvert. Now I am an "extroverted introvert." I used to hate being an introvert until I realized that it has its benefits. Compared to extroverts, we introverts don't need other people to be happy. We also have more depth to what we say because we think about something before we say it. We are pretty good listeners too. We can bond with almost anyone if it's 1 on 1 and we can talk not just about small talk, but also very deep and introspective topics as well. Any introvert can be like me: an "extroverted introvert." I have the best of both worlds. You just have to avoid isolating yourself for too long and try to talk and socialize with all kinds of people. Hurray for us introverts!

    [–]tokinbl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Introvert here, was super social in early childhood throughout my 2nd year of college (in my last year now).

    Now I've genuinely lost interest in other people. Any advice on how to rekindle that?

    I have zero problems approaching strangers.

    [–]trp_nofap_rewire2018 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good content despite the grammatical errors.

    I have to constantly remind myself to get out of my head and stay aware in the present. This is probably the #1 tip for introverts.

    The hardest step to take is the first one (to break the ice so to speak), but after rapport is built everything flows naturally.

    [–]unplug9000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I think this is relevant, because it reinforces the important point that being introverted does not mean being asocial. This is often overlooked. Introverts are not always the resting bitch face loners in the corner. They can be very social at gatherings, trying to talk as many people as possible, strangers or not. But at the same time enjoy the occasional solitude when they can go into full work mode for hours without talking to anyone. The introvert simply needs to learn when to DGAF, enjoy the internal silence, and listen to others.

    [–]redpill77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    When they respond with a silliness, you give them silliness back.

    Useful way to conceptualize shit tests.

    [–]maximizingnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I recently read a pretty good book. It’s called “feel the fear and do it anyways” the title is self explainatory about what the book is about. A particular part of the book stuck with me, where it talks about creating the “what if” scenario in your head and the chatterbox starts going off. To combat this and develop your self confidence they recommend saying “so what I can handle it” in response to the chatterbox.

    To many times in my life being in between an introvert and extrovert I find myself in the “analysis paralysis” phase. This stops me from taking massive action towards certain goals and I would attribute it to a lack of self-confidence. My chatter box over powers my lack of self confidence because growing up I have been pre programmed to be risk averse running through every scenario that could potentially go wrong -> “what if”!

    Since reading that book “so what I can handle it” has reasonsated with me and kept me moving forward.

    [–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 4 points5 points  (4 children)

    introverts - spamming the internet about their "victimhood" since the dawn of the internet. fucking annoying.

    [–]Avskygod0 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    You mean, """""""""""""""""""""""introverts""""""""""""""""""""""", with an optional >

    [–]tab13092 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm introverted myself, and I agree with this 100%

    People are so quick to mix up "being introverted" and being "anti-social losers" and cry about it.

    [–]DarkMountain666 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    This needs to get more upvoted.

    [–]SidSacred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Good piece of writing my friend

    [–]crespo_modesto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    drugs work too, specifically some sort of amphetamine on the legal side Adderall if you can get the prescription. I found to be more focused/able to be in the moment/look someone in the face. But is it real. No prescription not sustainable.

    There's also the whole shared interests thing too, people I meet aren't generally developers/entrepreneurs (what I want to be/try to be). When you share a common interest then yeah it just flows naturally.

    [–]mountainbiker178 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm introverted and familiar with personality types. However it never clicked with me before your post that my analyzing things was due to me trying to understand my world versus how extroverted people understand theirs (taking action). Your advice to stop thinking and go take action is simple (and may be hard to implement), but makes sense that I might "switch processes" and learn by doing (not analyzing). Thank you for writing this post!

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Find a "extroverted" hobby your good at or like. This did wonders for me, I had terrible social anxiety in my early teenage years. I joined my first band as the drummer and learned from those experiences to channel the inner performer. Eventually I internalized the specific aspect of that lifestyle that everybody(especially the ladies) loved and soon after all of my social interactions improved.

    The confidence you can achieve from honing a skill or hobby, can often with some practice be channeled into every aspect of life

    [–]jeddzus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You're right about the whole insight providing thing. Most people just "do" and don't analyze their motivations, look back to see what they could've done differently and improved. These are valuable skills that introverts can use to quickly make fixes and change the things we don't like about ourselves.

    It took me a few years to figure out how to be social, how to be friendly, make people happy, give/receive compliments well, stay away from negativity and complaining, etc. But after I got the hang of it, it's been a wrap. Social skills are teachable just like anything else, like learning the guitar, learning how to cook, whatever, it just takes practice and honest commitment. And once we get the hang of it, it's almost addicting. Once I honed my skills of how to improve myself, I'm addicted to trying to improve myself everyday. I've grown more in the past year than the previous 26. I feel like I'm still way on the upswing in life, and I'm spreading that ideology to everyone around me. Now I'M the one bringing friends out of their shell, becoming positive people, socializing, getting women, etc. It's a beautiful thing. Great post.

    Edit: Spelling

    [–]MySpeed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I like it. I am just starting to flirt with women at the age of 22. I struggel with some points you said. Especially with the "Be Present". I feel like i can dance with any girl i like and they smile at me and i smile back, but i dont take the move because the only thing i can come up with is "Hello My name is MySpeed. Whats your name?". And thats it. Also its pretty loud on the dancefloor so talking isnt really possible. But really what should i do if it seems to be going really good and then???

    [–]minicheff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is such a great read. I got an event this saturday. I am going to focus on only having fun from now.

    Also I am definetely going to give the meditate a try.

    Cheers bud!

    [–]Shaman6624 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Very recognizable. I also always conceptualize social interactions after they happened. And have a strong tendency to jump in the deep end when I'm talking to someone.

    [–]drkinferno72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't know, sometimes you can pull off being "mysterious" as an introvert and have loads of girls asking you to school dances or your MySpace info. Doesn't help I didn't know what to do back then and created a loop for myself where girls were interested but I did my own thing and didn't know why so they saw it as mysterious. Turns out to be aspergers lol

    Shouldn't rely on it in the real world

    [–]filip8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’ve gone from being a huge introvert to one of the most sociable and outgoing people in my friend groups. Started being that way when I realized I didn’t need to keep everything in my head to myself. Was always worried about looking stupid or being embarrassed if I acted or spoke on impulse and took risks with my witty comments. I don’t give a fuck anymore - learning to act like myself and say what’s going through my head has unleashed this completely new person.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This hit me right in the feels. I’ve only now started to be comfortable conversing with people, because of this exact manner, slowing my thought process down when I talk to someone, and listening to/processing every word they say, responding with wisdom they’ve never encountered before. It’s a method I picked up on my own, but this post affirms it in writing. Not every alpha is loud, in fact, some of the most intimidating alphas in history only spoke when they had something very important to say.

    [–]earthmother92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Mostly good stuff. Only, introverts are not so rare. And we dont need to change ourselfs.

    [–]trpasu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I had a difficult time understanding the last part of harnessing your introversion. Can you explain in a more easy to understand way?

    [–]contrafagotto -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    You're pathologizing introversion. I think you may be confusing introversion with being in somewhere on the mild side of the autism spectrum.

    For example, introverts often have superior social skills, simply because they pay attention to things, including social feedback. The failure to read social feedback is a feature of autism, not introversion.

    [–]contrafagotto -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    You right-wing sociopaths sure do hate (and downvote) inconvenient truths, don't you?

    [–]avocadowithsalt123 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    This thread showed me I am not an introvert. Rather just a lone wolf.