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Personality, Emotion & Higher Self (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Bigjohnthug

Intro

A lot of this is related to my journey. That's the nature of only having lived my life. A lot of it I relate specifically to women because it's an easy example I know you'll relate to, although all has wider applications. I'm trying to lay out a road-map of lessons we haven't taught you yet. These are truths I suffered a lot to learn but I would have suffered much more for not learning them.

This is a very long post. I could have split this up and made it more palatable for the majority, however, I chose not to because every word which has survived the writing and editing has earned its place. It's a lot to digest and not all of it is easy reading. Mulling it over a few sittings is fine.

 

Why Working on Your Personality is Important

Primacy and the Halo effect dictate that for initial attraction, nothing beats looks. If you want fast lays and piles of ONS’s you only need to be good looking and confident enough to say "sup?"

 

However, initial attraction is not everything. I went through a stage where I had a douchebag persona: I trolled everyone, I made fun of everything and I cared less about other people than busting a nut. I got laid but had trouble keeping girls around for more than a month or so. I was lonely a lot of the time. I did everything which was considered ‘right’ in the PUA circles. I was the perfect asshole. I knew all the lines, I knew all the moves. It was innovative game back then.

 

This started because I was an insecure teenager with no social skills or sexual experience and no clue about developing either. I had less social-experience than most kids my age because I'd spent so much of my life in and out of homes, in and out of families. PUA was a quick-fix to the years of normal socialization I'd never had. It was better than the trite "be yourself" because I had no idea who I was. I was derealized and in truth I couldn’t even comprehend how other people behaved, what they believed.

 

By the time I was 18 I could get laid with a new girl at least 50% of the time I wanted to and had a steady stable of 2-5 women at any stage. From 15-18 I’d done a few thousand approaches, been rejected a few thousand times, made out with a few hundred women, had sex with about two dozen of them. I was well above-average in that regard for my age. However, I was extremely apathetic and only understood people in an input-output sense. I thought chasing sex would make me happy, but it didn’t, even when I had an abundance. I was disenfranchised because I’d never learned to be in touch with my emotions. I was lonely because I’d never learned to experience another person. I didn’t even enjoy sex that much- it was a salve- because I didn’t understand that feelings were the sultriest spice.

 

I met a girl who was and still is beautiful inside and out, someone who continues to be important to me as a friend. We worked through a lot of stuff together. I don’t believe in loveTM as the product Hollywood wants to sell. This wasn’t “my one”, because no such exists. Rather, she was the person who helped me get back in touch with feelings I hadn’t had since I was prepubescent. We dated for years and parted on good terms. As I said, we’re still friends. After our relationship, I was a much more complete person. I’m not recommending to date someone as a sort of therapy, I’m telling you it helped me.

 

I got back into casual sex afterwards. It was a lot easier as I didn’t have to play games. I just “showed up” and most of the time a girl would be interested. I could go out once a week and get a new girl most times. They were far better too. Not just hotter: they wouldn't be flaky, play games or behave like brats. The reason was simple: I had become the person I was faking all those years ago, which attracted the women I truly wanted all along.

 

The Power of Emotion

Emotions are a controversial topic within the Manosphere. Often, they are portrayed as feminine, the belief conveyed that ‘real men’ have no feelings. The error in this thinking is that it ignores the pragmatic value of emotions.

 

It’s important to draw a distinguishing line between useful emotions and dysfunctional emotions. Useful emotions are heuristics; shortcuts in thinking which serve a rational purpose. They are the pinnacle of millions of years of evolution. They can be considered positive in the sense that they assist accomplishment. The emotion of depression can sometimes fit this description but would not be considered positive in other senses. Depression can be a motivator for change because it forces you to alter your behaviour to escape helplessness.

 

Dysfunctional emotions serve no purpose or outlive their purpose. They may have initially been valuable resources for improvement, but they’re stretched past their use. Chronic depression is the ideal example of this phenom. These emotions occur more often when you’re not in-tune to the meaning of your emotions in the first place. Attempting to suppress feelings instead of questioning the ‘why’ leads here ; which is the danger inherent to thinking of emotions as fundamentally opposed to logic. Instead it is healthier to think of them as tools to assist logical thinking in situations where there is much unknown information. Social settings for example.

 

I’ll talk mainly on the useful emotions because I think most of the Manosphere understands dysfunctional emotions. The tool ‘emotion’ serves to create snap value judgements. It is a trainable skill used to discern what is rewarding vs punishing. Trainable meaning something initially felt to cause pain- working out, approaching women- will eventually cause pleasure which can then be used as a motivator to continue the task. It truly is a skill though. Since many of them are incorrect- IE they don’t fit your life circumstances or goals- you must readjust to utilize them. You have many possibilities here. With women, approach anxiety is often seen as a negative. In this instance, you can reframe instead and begin seeing it as a sign of sexual tension, thus allowing you to escalate in more dynamic manner.

 

Cutting yourself off from your emotions is going through life partially blind. The ultimate goal is to be able to allow yourself your emotions while at the same time keeping enough distance to be able to judge their value and separate yourself if need be. This leads to more fulfilling relationships, but in the case things head south your life is not over since you never left your path. You will feel still feel sad, or angry, or disappointed- but that is healthy. There isn’t even a trade-off: by allowing yourself to be open to your emotions you gain the full spectrum of pleasure, some of which isn’t even conceivable logically. I can’t explain to you how it feels to have a beautiful 18-year-old virgin tell you she loves you as you enter her for the first time, I can’t accurately quantify how her hymen breaking feels like she is gifting herself to you, nor can I describe the beauty of what follows. I can wax poetic about the topic but I can’t make you feel it, even if you’ve experienced it yourself. At the same time, the sadness you might feel years later when the relationship crumbles is another gift. That pain is motivation, a communication to you that now you must change for the better to bring more good into your life. It will make you stronger.

 

Emotions don’t belong in all situations. Scientific inquiry should be as devoid of them as possible. Social situations are not scientific however. Sex is not logical. Emotion makes both infinitely easier to manage, because both sexes predominately choose to associate based on who makes them feel good. It’s easier to do so by passing on your own energies than by learning a billion pickup tactics to try and cover all the situations you may encounter. It’s also going to lead to more novelty, because the array of emotions inspired by an individual will always differ while the script may not.

 

Again: there is only reward in allowing yourself to feel emotions so long as you have the self-control and acumen to distinguish a feeling serving your higher purpose from one which diminishes you. Try to always allow yourself to feel emotions, however keep a critical eye on their cause and their effect. Once you understand the ‘why’ then you can work towards the how or what. If you ignore them in favour of continuing what you’re already doing without reflection, you’re playing a dicey game. Sometimes emotions are dysfunctional. They’re fallible just as humans are fallible. This is something only reflection can teach however.

 

Personality vs Persona

What distinguishes personality from persona is that the former is reframing your own beliefs to create organic desire to behave in the appropriate manner, while the latter is an act you put on to achieve an outcome. For example, be a good listener is OK advice. However, if you believe that other people already know you are enough and instead they are the ones convincing you of their worth then you tend to do most of the listening anyway. You change from listening because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do to listening to learn about them and decide where they fit in your reality. You screen people, not prove yourself to them. Same behaviour, different belief, better outcomes.

 

Using sex as an example, instead of you behaving in a certain way to earn the reward of sex, sex is a gift you share with someone because you’re attracted to one another. I’ve found this to be healthier than another extreme- that sex is your gift to her- because this is also untrue and arrogant. Sex feels amazing for both of you, it’s something you both want and as such neither of you is ‘giving’ it to the other.

 

The difference between a “niceguy” and a nice guy.

The dichotomy between nice and sexy doesn’t exist. The reason “niceguys” struggle so badly is because they usually have nothing going for them, lack the confidence to express themselves and they always try to make intercourse transactional. They believe “If I act like this, if I support her, if I buy her this then she HAS to fuck me.” That attitude is repulsive to women. The way you behave should never be in a manner which is designed to try and ‘earn’ sex, figuratively or no.

 

It’s apparent then that if being a “niceguy” is a negative then so too is acting like an asshole to get women. Because you are still behaving in a certain way to try and get pussy. The currency differs, but the attitude doesn't. It shows insecurity; you don’t think you’re enough to fuck her without the act. To clarify, you will often be called an asshole without doing the shtick. There is a difference between “gaming” with the attitude that a woman needs to impress you while having fun and acting rude to get a reaction, controversial for the sake of controversial. One is a healthy frame to come from: screening women for compatibility. The other is a mask men who don’t believe in their sex appeal put on to prove themselves worthy.

 

Being nice is never a detriment so long as you don’t let yourself be walked over. The metaphor of a steel hand within a silken glove is perfect: You will never go out of your way to offend someone but you’re not afraid to cause offense by sticking to your guns. You don’t feel the need to prove anything, to convince someone of your reality, but you will always be in your reality and if they want in they better behave. This quality is magnetic. People will love and respect you, your opinion will be valued and women won’t even consider playing the games they play with weaker men. When you appear without an act you stride as naked as Achilles into the fray, showing no fear in revealing yourself because you know your power lies within.

 

The difference between ‘game’ and getting laid.

Often men, at least those newer to this, believe it’s ‘game’ that gets them laid. In truth, game is an attempt to display certain qualities which women value to maximise your chances of sleeping with them. In other words, you’re trying to impress women. It only works if the woman believes you hold enough value to behave in that way, in which case 'game' is irrelevant. Most women are perceptive enough to see if you doubt yourself, which is usually why men turn to game in the first place. In other words: when you act in that way for the woman (IE, to achieve the outcome of sex) it shows you don’t trust in your own appeal. You are showing that you believe sex is something she gives you as a reward for giving her tingles with your alpha-act.

 

However, when you show authenticity between your behaviours and your beliefs, no such divide exists. Instead, you show to her that you know you have a lot of sex appeal and you know she loves sex. Therefore, if she wants to have good sex and you want her, you’ll get down.

 

It is an easy way to interact with women once you have the trust in yourself to do so. When you let go of expectations and communicate from your desire to theirs, a lot of the barriers between you will fall away. The concept of a “shit-test” is seen then not as her testing you but as her venting her own insecurities. Because, really, why would she be testing you? If you’re sincere that screams true confidence so loud as to drown out her doubts about your character or intentions. When you are this person, true to you, then you can be true to her to. You can communicate what you want and expect that if she wants it, then she’ll let you lead her there. ‘Game’ then becomes a conversation of exploration for both of you, followed by your invitation somewhere private. This is how the fast pulls occur. If so inclined, I routinely do this bit in <20 minutes and say something like “This place is boring, want to come see my drawings?”

 

On the same note, the very common issue of her friends not wanting her to leave with you evaporates. You chit-chat with them for a minute then say “So, I know you want to keep her safe, let’s trade numbers before we leave so you can still contact her if her phone dies?”

 

On people

Not everyone will like you. Most people will, but a lot of people just suck anyway. The average person is below average- which is to say the average person is many degrees worse than the high-calibre people you will want in your life. The mode IQ is 88, but the mean is 100- meaning there is a small percentage of incredibly smart people and a large portion of people with lower intellect. The same holds true for pretty much any trait you might find attractive- only 35% of people are a healthy weight, only 33% of people with a gym membership will use it more than once, etc.

 

As such you shouldn’t cater to the majority because the majority sucks. At the same time, majority makes society. Therefore, neither can you willfully offend in a righteous quest to prove their inferiority. Instead you treat them with respect as people but don’t let them have bearing on your life. Again: you live in your reality, they live in theirs unless they meet the standard to be invited in.

 

Better than catering to the majority is training your personality the way you would train a muscle, to forge a personality which fosters relationships you desire. If you subscribe to The Red Pill, that probably means you want to be pro-social and masculine. The most important base trait is honesty: men with higher testosterone tend to be more honest while honesty is considered one of the strongest indicators of positive personality. Honesty is so potent because sincere expression displays confidence, it shows your reality is so magnificent that no components of it are hidden.

 

On Relationships

I’m referring to relationships, not necessarily dating.

 

Entering relationships with the perspective that they are a trade is unhealthy. I can agree on an intellectual level that most all relationships do have an element of trade. However, as with sex, the transactional view within the context of friendships is a recipe for disaster. This leads to a painfully restricted social life which limits interpersonal growth.

 

The attitude that you give your friend A so your friend must give you B breeds resentment. It also boxes you into that trade as friends, because if it doesn’t happen then one of you will feel like the ‘deal’ has been broken. You can’t just shoot-the-shit, or invent a project with a friend who is using you and vice versa. That’s what it is on a fundamental level: instead of being valuable and attracting those who are valuable, you are negotiating what essentially amounts to a business deal. Your social life is not an enterprise. If you treat it as one it will take longer to get ‘results’, be a more stressful and ultimately chew up more time and effort than it's worth.

 

This is the exact same as if you treat a woman as a masturbation aid: You don’t learn to enjoy her as a person, which limits the pleasure you can give each other. If she sticks around past round one then it means she sees it as a trade also, which means she’ll be your pocket-pussy if you’re her wallet, or the douchebag who keeps her entertained. Going through life closing yourself off to the possibility of interpersonal growth is as crippling as a missing limb, because human beings are a social animal.

 

On Dominance

I often see dominance portrayed poorly. Many men- myself included- have mistaken domineering and dominating. True dominance arises from discipline: when you have mastered yourself, others will accept your frame. That doesn’t mean they’ll acquiesce to your every demand. Nor should you be making demands- this is domineering. Instead of trying to force others to do what you want, show your absolute dominion over the self and the right people will choose to join you. If you want submissive but secure women, this is how you get them. My personal preference is this type, because the type who are submissive due to insecurity tend to be high maintenance and contribute less in other areas.

 

Relating the above: you don’t have to be dominant if you don’t want to be. The entire thing about personality is that it should be a true expression of your personal preference. I want women who are submissive because I am dominant, not because society told me men are manly. If I wanted to get pegged, I would do that, because I know hiding my true desires would leave me less satisfied than the strap-on. I want honest women so I’m honest to them, which weeds out those who don’t stop playing games. I want women who are smart and cultured, so I let them speak. If they don’t have hobbies outside of Instagram and Tinder then they’re out.

 

On Being Hurt

I know one criticism, where people will see this as being not Redpilled, is that I espouse exposing yourself to emotional pain. There is no contradiction here. Pain is the biggest motivator for growth in the universe. We learn more from failures than successes, we are more risk-averse than we are reward-inclined. If you can be the type of person who risks pain, you are the type of person who will improve themselves. This is the reason risk-taking behaviour is alpha and why risk-avoidance is beta- see bad boys.

 

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Ali

 

Summary

The highest level of game is the one which gives you the power to make your own choices, on your own terms and for yourself. I personally have come to loathe going out to bars or club’s due to the loud environment and omnipresent drug use. As such I pick up mainly during the daytime. That fact alone led to a lot of these realizations, because there is less margin for error when women aren’t out specifically to get fucked. They’re more thoughtful when they’re not a dozen shots deep.

 

The highest level of game also involves not having to ‘game’ in the sense that you’re not putting on act. You can be satisfied that if you show up to the right types of places, you’ll be able to meet interesting people who will be interested in you. You won’t be forced to perform to catch some club skank, neither will you need to project family-values you win over the virgin girls. Instead you show people every level they could be compatible with you and inspect them for the same.

 

You may want to keep girls you value as “friends with benefits”. You may want to date monogamously. You might just want to party and plow through the female population. All are should be motivated by true desire though. If you let your ego define your goals, you become what you do, not who you are. We're all guilty of this at some time or another. When I was trying to hit a triple-digit count I cared about it because I thought it would make me a man. 100 women? Who could ever deny my sexual prowess then! Becoming in touch with my emotions motivated me to try new things. Some of them worked, some of them didn’t. I began to fix physical issues as a result, things I never would had I continued to ignore the boredom training was causing me. I began to fix social problems, because although I could sleep with many women I had few friends. I stopped reading solely non-fiction, chasing ‘how-to.’ I began reading stories, finding a place to foster my imagination, a form of meditation.

 

These may seem unrelated examples, but they share commonalities: all will improve you, all will give you pleasure but no one else can decide if they're right for you.

Chase your highest desires, refuse to be bogged-down in the rat-race of ego which will mire most. The only person living your life is you. You are the most important person.


[–]Ezaar 129 points130 points  (5 children)

You are a beautiful human being.

Thank you for sharing.

🙏

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 26 points27 points  (4 children)

Thank you. I hope it helps.

[–]throwawaygod12x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hope to read more great posts from you

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hey man, this is a bit late, but this is an amazing post. After you said you had been with over a hundred women, I went over your post history and you seem to be one of the few people here who are the real deal, so thanks a lot for adding value to the sub. I noticed when I went over your post history you seemed fairly knowledgeable about endocrinology and hormones as a result of bodybuilding. Could you recommend a solid book or source to learn more about testosterone and how to have a good hormone profile? There are a few posts already on the subject of testosterone here but a lot of them either have conflicting advice or just advocate hormone replacement therapy, so if you could recommend a good source to learn more that would be massively helpful for a newbie like me who has only just stumbled on all this stuff after starting college and has never really paid any attention to nutrition and health. Thanks.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I wrote an article on androgen profile recently. Give me a few weeks and I'll post it. Something else I want to post first, got to tie loose ends off elsewhere in life before I get to that though.

Chaosandpain has some good posts on testosterone though.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot man, best of luck.

[–]Sowlo 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Amazing post, really. I would say that you just described the essence of life, that is, to become who you truly are at the core.

To unify thoughts, emotions and actions, to become whole.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I feel like TRP as a whole tends to go through the five phases of swallowing the pill: the phase that the board is as a whole corresponds to the phase of the newbies, or the phase of the majority at any point in time. I think we've recently been in the collective depression phase of swallowing the pill, and it seems to me like there's a lot of acceptance-level posts coming through lately.

This is a really interesting idea and you're right, there have been more unique and developed posts of late. It's a good thing I think. It develops the community more to talk about higher-level topics than pussy, gym and status. Not to knock those things: they're very important. They aren't everything though. "Being successful is getting what you want, being happy is wanting what you get" comes to mind.

[–]PopaBjorn 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Holy fuck dude this is some deep level shit. Transcendental, even. I especially liked the part about emotion. I realize I have been running away from mine when I should have been facing them. A rollercoaster needs both ups and downs to be exciting and worthwhile. Thank you for this quality post. I've read a lot of good stuff on here and this is easily top 5 for me. Thanks for taking the time to share!

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's some potent flattery there. Happy to help.

[–]blackchucktays 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Fantastic post, I needed to read this today.

[–]ajayhemant 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So true. You become a expert when you know all the tricks. You become a master when you drop all that you know and blend then into your personality. That's when real liberty and fun begins. Learning is exciting. Unlearning is bliss. Ultimately you become what your really are. Red pill is just introducing your self to a hidden better version of you. Kudos. Well written.

[–]mikesublime 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I lurk here a lot but rarely comment or post. But, I gotta say, you nailed it: all of it. I'm 37 years old and have been hip to the RP from the beginning. Everything you said was dead on. Well written, well thought out - excellent post.

[–]Indubitably_Confused 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This post is so solid that I had to come out of lurking to post this. https://i.imgur.com/0mKXcg1.gif

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Please don't delete this post.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

just in case it does get deleted: http://archive.is/3cSlZ

[–]BreakingRed_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. I see no "TRP endorsed" people responding to this thread even though it has 500 upvotes, so I'm totally looking at the possibility that you're right.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You hit close to home on the emotions and relationships part man. I'm still recovering from a toxic attitude I used to hold for the past three years, during all of highschool no less. I used to be an edgy little bitch who thought emotions were weakness and that I was too smart and "different" to need friends, so many missed opportunities and memories.

Starting around my 19th birthday the beginning of this year I decided to make a change by cutting out porn, lifting, TRP, etc. Been a work in progress but I still find it difficult to have good conversations. I often get envious when I see how easily my coworkers are talking to each other and laughing and shit.

A new girl at work (HB 7) gave me her number completely unsolicited and it's been successful by waiting a few days to text back, acting aloof, creating dread, basic TRP stuff. I can tell she's really into me. We'll see how it goes I guess, I'm taking her to a haunted house next weekend. Figured it would be perfect for kino and all that and I wouldn't have to worry so much about the bullshit small talk and just have fun instead.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

so many missed opportunities and memories.

100%. Nearly all of my regrets fit into this category and the vast majority of those were because I was too afraid to be who I really wanted to be. If I'd had the courage to open up more I wouldn't have lost so many chances.

At the same time, regret is a shaping force. Because of the things I regret I have the voice in my head saying "You've made this mistake before because you were too weak. Are you really the child you were back then?" Every time I head down that path.

[–]coberi 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Interesting your transition from persona to personnality, i bet it makes things easier to just have a consistent way of acting.

Lots of questions while reading but this one how the hell did you get to thousands to approaches by 18? I am inspired. Did you juse see other PUA's and thought to yourself: "Yep i can do this too."?

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

how the hell did you get to thousands to approaches by 18?

I got into game at ~15. I had very little other social interaction or experience, so I basically learned social skills from the ground up at that point.

Did you juse see other PUA's and thought to yourself: "Yep i can do this too."?

I read the book the Game, which let me know it was possible, then found the online communities at the time. When I was ~16 I found sosuave (where Rollo is from) and a guy who was a little older started giving me really good advice. I kept approaching because I was lonely and had no other way of not being lonely. After a while it stopped being scary and I started to relax enough to get results.

[–]XanJamZ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

All our actions stem from emotions. Impulses caused by stimuli it's up to your will to choose which emotions to act on. "I feel like getting high" or "I feel like making some music". You feel before you act.

[–]purplecabbage 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This needs to be on the sidebar, now.

[–]redeye_banana 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, just wanted to say that's a well written intelligent post. Thank you

[–]_MysticFox 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I don't know how you can't see friendships as transactional. It's very difficult

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is difficult to balance being a goal-orientated person with having friendships which are purely for the enjoyment of each other. It takes time, experience and mistakes. This post is just a hint, really you have to get out there and start trying, all the while keeping conscious awareness of the why to your feelings and actions.

[–]spirot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was the only post left I needed to read, thank you very much for telling me what I needed to hear

[–]semsid99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is literally the best write up I've came across this year.

[–]nazis-are-socialists 6 points7 points  (8 children)

I agree OP, getting laid is stupid easy. Keeping women around is hard, and keeping them loyal is even harder. There's a reason LTR's are TRP on 'Hard Mode'

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 6 points7 points  (7 children)

There's a reason LTR's are TRP on 'Hard Mode'

I wonder if they're harder because of some quality inherent to them (IE the same girl judging you over a longer time course) or simply because the entirety of PUA up until recently has focused on getting laid and not love?

[–]PopaBjorn 4 points5 points  (6 children)

I think it has a lot to do with the "biology of attraction", which fades over time. We (or at least women) are wired to lose attraction over time, which makes sense if you look at it from an evolutionary perspective. If your union isn't producing kids her body is telling her to move on. Repeated exposure brings diminishing returns. Familiarity breeds contempt. Also, when you are in an LTR you can't use dread in the same way any more. She knows you are committed and will use it against you.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good point- I've heard it called the two year slump and that matches my experiences. After a while this just... fizzle. Maybe maturity, along with lowered libido, from aging is the key. LTRs at 50.

[–]nazis-are-socialists 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You can still demonstrate dread by making sure she's aware that if she fucks up, you will end commitment to her at the drop of a hat. Also flirting with other women in front of her is effective. Even simply getting IOI's from other women is enough to drive some women crazy. Sometimes straight up telling her to lose weight can be a little much but it's still effective.

If her hamster is convinced that you're the best she can get, and she legitimately finds you sexually attractive and you satisfy her in bed, then she is far more likely to stay loyal and attracted to you. It's hard mode because you have to continuously work hard to make her feel that way on top of doing everything else you should be doing as a red pill man (continuously improving SMV).

You need to know what beta traits to switch on at what times, instead of just being Alpha all the time because treating her comfort tests like shit tests will psychologically destroy her. Learning how to destroy shit tests and pass comfort tests. I still have trouble telling the difference between the two sometimes but I'm getting better.

It's also a mental battle for yourself because you need to prevent yourself from developing oneitis for her. That's a lot more difficult in an LTR than when spinning plates.

[–]PopaBjorn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes this is how you beat the odds. I couldn't have said it better myself. To comment on your last point I think it's important to have a clear Mission in life to keep your mind focused. If she senses SHE is the mission you are fucking done.

[–]BigWhiteGlock 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This is bullshit. I have had only long term relationships and it is totally normal to forget to love and respect. Everyone does it. If it happens to you you can learn how to make better relationships if you just fucking care enough to go to counseling. Just man the fuck up and be an adult about it. Stop blaming stupid shit like this. Not that everyone want or feel ready to have kids. That is something there needs to be clear communication about and what you can do, have a fucking plan. Mostly relationships grow stale because people grow comfortable and stop investing in the relationship. It is mostly a matter of getting out of that mindset and start doing things again, keep the relationship exciting. Just fucking do something don't be all it's hopeless... Whoa? And this goes for both men and women you both have to invest and talk about it.

[–]PopaBjorn 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Lol! I once lived in your fantasy world too. I was trying to explain which factors make LTRs harder. It's not impossible, just hard. Also: "Clear communication", "invest in the relationship", "counseling", these are things a woman would say are the solution and shows you have absolutely no fucking clue what you are talking about. All of the above "solutions" are completely fucking useless if not downright counterproductive. Go read the sidebar.

[–]fastnail 1 point2 points  (0 children)

PopaBjorn - I am with you on this one, BigWhiteGlock has even thrown in a woman's shaming tactic "Man up" which makes me think this is a wemoan commenting.

[–]S-Blaze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awakening and inspirational post, thank you.

[–]DamnDirtyApe87 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Great post, thanks for sharing. Any more information on how your girl changed you for the better? I'm curious, she sounds like a great person.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were both pretty jaded people for our own reasons. We didn't trust as a default. It's an oversimplification, but we taught each other to trust and learned to feel things for other people. Although maybe "inspired" is a better word than taught.

She also showed me what family was, I hadn't had one in half a decade. She showed me stability and unconditional love weren't drug states. She made me believe I could do the things I want to in life without fucking people to make over to do them. Helped me cut down on my ego.

[–]ranigma 1 point2 points  (1 child)

After a quick skim, I find your credibility section kind of odd. What guy can say he can bang 50% of women without having a personality? I think even with what you said you had decent social skills and whatnot. Unless you are a 9/10 as a man, you had to have had some well above avg personality to begin with.

But what I am getting at is, it doesn't matter what personality you have if you want to get laid. All you need is to HAVE one. Preferably a strong one. If you want to date and have ltrs? Then wait until you are approaching post 30 women, get rich, or actually try to be a great person.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What guy can say he can bang 50% of women without having a personality?

Not 50% of women; I could go out a few times a week and have sex with a new girl every second week.

you had decent social skills and whatnot

By this stage I was good at the non-mainstream game at the time, which was later popularized as push-pull, vibing and drama. Largely by RSD. The early sources I had were 60 Years of Challenge and Assanova, as well as a guy online who I used to email. Still do occasionally.

it doesn't matter what personality you have if you want to get laid. All you need is to HAVE one. Preferably a strong one.

That's the first paragraph of my post. Be good looking and confident enough to say hello=get ONS's. As you say though, for anything deeper you need to be a person others wish to connect with.

[–]iamdonkeybrained 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very well written, excellent points.

[–]Shakydrummer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude this is amazing. This is why I come here. Thank you.

[–]Desadarius 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'm not ready for this yet. I don't have enough experience to just allow myself to be myself and get away with it.

I have not become the act I put on. But I don't know how long it will take.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I have not become the act I put on. But I don't know how long it will take.

We're all actors to varying extents. It's a continual process of questioning yourself and improvement. I can tell you're already starting to question your reactions and thinking given the shift between this and the last comment. Good work, keep doing it.

[–]Desadarius 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It depends on the motivations I think.

Like you said, your actions can't be motivated by ego. They should be motivated by what to you want in life.

Your frame in essence should be your goals. You stick to your guns not by being a douche motivated by ego but by letting no one impact your journey to reaching your goals in any way, shape, or form.

Thanks for this post. This opened up what I was starting to discover. I was starting to question the douchebaggery as I just went through that phase and I didn't feel satisfied because it wasn't me.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your frame in essence should be your goals. You stick to your guns not by being a douche motivated by ego but by letting no one impact your journey to reaching your goals in any way, shape, or form.

Fuck I wish I wrote that.

Thanks for this post. This opened up what I was starting to discover. I was starting to question the douchebaggery as I just went through that phase and I didn't feel satisfied because it wasn't me.

You're welcome man, glad to help. We all go through the douchebag phase, at least getting out of it is more fun than getting out of the beta phase.

[–]Work_In_Progress92 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have started reading Models by Mark Manson yesterday and reading this post I thought went pretty well with what I am reading.

Good post. Good job.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Models is great but a lot of obvious bullshit. Mainly about being vulnerable.

[–]0ctaviusRex 1 point2 points  (1 child)

TRP is very manipulative, teaching strategies and telling us what to do to get xy. Do not get manipulated by it yourself, like I already did at some point. I got obsessed and addicted. Pick the tools that are gonna help you in order to become the man you want to be and succeed in life. Thanks for your contribution.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

TRP is very manipulative, teaching strategies and telling us what to do to get xy.

I see what you're saying, but I'd say TRP isn't manipulative. It's very focused on certain things, on a specific world-view and it does a great job of honing that.

Pick the tools that are gonna help you in order to become the man you want to be and succeed in life.

This. The thing about another world view is that it will never be entirely true for you. You have to put in the effort, mostly outside of the internet, into finding what works and what doesn't for you. TRP is great in that regard because it teaches you that being contrarian isn't a bad thing, but being a sheep is.

I trust more the belief which tells you to question itself than the one which tells you to have blind faith.

[–]blr1998 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very well written and good incorporation of psychology and organizational behavior. Well done.

I would add that you are literally suggesting that people strive to self actualize, not to remain comfortable where they're at.

[–]Jailhouseredpilled93 0 points1 point  (2 children)

...although I could sleep with many women I had few friends.

How is this if social status is so important to women? How do you fake social proof?

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Imagine every girl has a bucket and when the bucket is full, she will fuck you. If you're good looking, it might pour a cup into one girls, while being just a drop in another. The social status might be a splash in the first girls, but it's fills the second nearly to the rim. Being interesting, entertaining, dominant... so on.

The idea is to have as many traits which are positive as possible to garner universal appeal, while yourself going for them women you truly want. As you develop you become a man who the women you truly want feel they need, who they value and will devote themselves to.

Social proof is just one, fairly small, factor. It's very potent in certain settings and irrelevant in many others. The exception is extreme social proof ala fame, which is very powerful and far reaching.

[–]Carson1099 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are truly inspiring with your writing.

[–]wolti93x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the best article I have ever read on reddit. Please Sidebar.

[–]arabellathorne92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazingly beautiful.. inspiring

[–]Arabian_Wolf 1 point2 points  (13 children)

Only read few lines of your post, for a feedback: fewer meaningful words instead of a wall of text, and a TL;DR summary would be good too.

Good post and from first hand experience, I believe having emotions is ok once one can control them aka stoicism, not having emotions at all is clinical psychopathy, thankfully one is born with it and can’t be trained into it.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

EDIT: Please don't down-vote the above comment. He didn't read it and gave feedback, no big deal. There is a good discussion which comes from it about psychopathy though. Worth keeping alive.

fewer meaningful words instead of a wall of text, and a TL;DR summary would be good too.

I agree, it is a very long piece. It is probably best to read it over a few sittings because it's a lot to digest. I may edit the introduction to reflect that.

Only read few lines of your post

I think this leads you to believe there is a lot of fluff. There isn't. This has been something I've worked on and condensed for a long time. I could probably cut out a sentence here or there but for the most part, every word has earned its place.

not having emotions at all is clinical psychopathy, thankfully one is born with it and can’t be trained into it.

From first hand experience, a strong or sustained trauma can detach you from your emotions. Personally I'd say one trains themselves not to feel because the force of the emotions they've buried would bury them.

[–]Fede10204 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Emotional detachment caused by a trauma is called being a sociopath. So you're right it's certainly possible.

[–]ThrowFader 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I personally have become more psychopathic over time, as well as all the dark triad traits. I've always been narcissistic, recently become extremely machiavellian, but training myself to dull all emotional response. My 3 mantras.

No feelings. (Psychopathy) Get my shit. (Machiavellianism) I'm the Boss. (Narcissism)

My question to you is: To what extent can DT traits be fleshed out if you already naturally possess them to some extent?

Do you think DT is the goal for RP men?

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This entire post is about building balance outside of those traits. I think TRP does a good job of explaining the importance of them and teaching their development, but a poor job of clarifying they're only ideal sometimes. As an analogy, the Dark Triad are like an RPG: very powerful, very good for a specific circumstance. However if you're fire-fighting in a city block the unwieldy nature of the tool outweighs the positives.

Dark Triad are for when the other options are get seriously hurt or wallow. Your default state should be emotionally open because it fosters growth (as opposed to chasing it), allows pleasure (again, opposed to chasing it) and is more magnetic to other people. The ideal is to have many emotional tools at your disposal, DT being just one of them.

[–]PopaBjorn 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Your reply pisses me off. Yeah it's long but its fucking worth it. You would know if you read it. It's sidebar quality shit right here. I would suggest you don't critique other peoples posts unless you have actually read them. It comes off as supremely arrogant.

[–]doomguide 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely pathetic. You admit you don't have the willpower or attention span to do a 10 minute read and you still post your shitty opinion? Get the fuck out of this sub kid.

[–]Skee013 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Don't fucking comment if you didn't read the whole thing

[–]SasquatchMcKraken 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I think psychopathy is alright so long as you can control it with some kind of honor code. If you fuck people over reflexively and act as though society's rules don't apply to you you're probably on a fast track to prison. But overall being cold-blooded has enormous benefits.

[–]Bigjohnthug[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

This is a very interesting read on the isolation of psychopathy. There are benefits to being able to be cold-blooded if the situation demands. However, you lose a lot of the pleasures of life if you can't leave that state. It's very hard to be close to people you can't trust who rarely feel as though they trust you.

[–]10211799107 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the best books I read on psychopathy is The Wisdom of Psychopaths. It's a book that aims to turn the traits into a positive and how you as a human can learn to turn the psychopathy trait dials up a bit in life to benefit positively from them.

[–]SasquatchMcKraken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That really was an interesting read. And I agree, you should be able to be cold-blooded. It shouldn't be a switch you leave on 24/7. Full-time psychopathy is a tank of gas you can only fill up once, maybe twice if you're surrounded by idiots. After that you're dead on the side of the road.

[–]ThrowFader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that starts to tie in with Machiavellianism. I can fuck people over no problem, as long as I benefit and won't get in trouble.

However, I won't fuck someone over if I know I'm gonna catch a case.

Being cold blooded does indeed have its benefits.

Funny thing is people will tolerate assholes more than niceguys.

Why not maximize my own personal gain, at the expense of a few tears of people who would be equally annoyed at me if I was beta?