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Blue Pill ExampleThis is the most Horrific Dead Bedrooms story, I read it a month ago, amazed it hasn't been posted here. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by quityourbullshit777

So last friday night I get a message from my ex wife, she says "Can we do dinner sometime, I have some things I need to discuss with you."

I had a bit of a knot in my stomach, for some reason I thought maybe she had seen my post, knowing that I had used to visit this sub, but that was not it.

So we meet up, order food, she has a glass of wine, takes my hand, tells me her therapist and her had a breakthrough, she tells me that she brought me to a public place so that we can both just be "honest" with no fear of "anything" and she kept reiterating that, like "Just so that we don't have to worry about Anything... ok?" So I was thinking she wanted to get back together or something, just by how strange she was acting, like she expected me to hear her say "I want us back together!" and I'd throw my glass of water and scream at her? I have no idea at the time, now I do...

So she tells me the typical "I want you to know that I did enjoy our time together, you provided a father to my children, you raised them as if they were your own, you sacrificed for them, and they turned out wonderful, and for that I'm eternally grateful!"

She then pauses and says "I need to come clean with you, I've been lying to your face for a long time."

I say "Ok, honey, no matter what it is, I'm past it, it's ok, you don't have to hurt anymore, just say what you need to and we'll enjoy our lunch."

She starts crying, at first just a bit, then it turns into a full on breakdown. She's holding my hand, rubbing my finger, and just staring at my hands, her lip trembling, tears running all over the place.

I tell her to take her time, I'm starting to get really curious about what is going on, I'm REALLY starting to suspect she's about to ask me back now.

Suddenly she says "I was never there for you, and I want you to know why, Bob, and I never stopped seeing each other." Bob is our kids biological father, who has managed to remain a low life jobless alcoholic for the past 18 or so years.

I freeze in place, I feel the sensation of time slowing down, like is described in movies etc, it feels like a knife is being shoved into my back.

I feel like I'm going to vomit, but my brain jumps to her defense, "You mean you were still in love with him right you weren't actually together right?"

"No, I'm so sorry, I'm so so so sorry."

I go out and sit in my car, just staring at my steering wheel, my hands are shaking.

She eventually comes outside and taps on my passenger window, I let her get in, she has regained her composure, I think that just telling me was the hardest part for her.

She informs me that she was still having sex with Bob as early as 6 months after we got married, that he would just show up on her lunch breaks, or after work, and they'd go get a motel, or go to his place.

She says she was "lost" and that looking back it was all a " mistake" and that she now realizes she killed our sex life, not me. She tells me that the reason she went back to Bob, after me pressing her, was because I was "Too good" for her, and that she never thought I actually loved her.

I asked her what part of me taking on her kids, her, and her responsibilities made it seem like I didn't love her. Shes says "I don't know."

I asked her if she was still with and seeing Bob, she said yes, I asked her if they had been sleeping together regularly over the years. She said yes.

She then asked me how many times I had cheated on her. "none." She sort of scoff / giggles "What...?"

"I never cheated, I was honest when I married you."

She seemed more surprised that I hadn't cheated on her, than that I was reduced to a man child in just 30 minutes of her being honest. I eventually told her to get the hell out of my car and to never contact me again.

I am going to see my therapist this evening. The one situation I had NEVER thought she was even physically capable of doing she apparently was doing, for 20 years, on a weekly basis.

By my math her ex husband had sex with my wife 48 times a year, for 20 years, while I got told to be patient.

I told her if she get's in an accident and needs help to just pull the plug, that I'd jump in a volcano before ever helping her again with ANYTHING, she looked at me as if I had betrayed her.

So now I'm back to being 12 again and wondering if anything I know is real. I just can't understand how she can be that way, hide it all these years so well, act like I'm the bad guy, then it turns out she was cheating on me all along, this whole time.

On top of that, my new HL GF, that seems awesome, when I told her about all of this, she informs me that she also has a proclivity for finding random men from time to time and that "it's just sex!" and now I don't find her attractive anymore either. Goddamnit.

I'm sorry if this has been posted here before but this is just breathtaking. I feel for that man. So often deadbedrooms aren't because sex isn't occurring at all, it's because it has been transferred to a different bedroom and you're being cucked! And this is what a guy gets for "being a real man" and taking in someones children as their own. Sometimes it's like women cannot handle honour and virtuous qualities, it just makes them straight act out and find the closest scumbag lowlife to cuckold you with.

Sort by TOP/YEAR to find the post- "Had dinner with ex-wife friday..", I don't want to link to it and get messenger bots scuttling.


[–]rockstarsheep 523 points524 points  (45 children)

I am nearly speechless. First the wife, then the gf. This guys needs TRP, stat!

[–]TecnoParadox 186 points187 points  (25 children)

Yeah, it's one of those cases where you need to integrate redpill to your life before it's too late.

Makes you think doesn't it? How many life's did this Reddit page has managed to saved?

[–]rockstarsheep 50 points51 points  (15 children)

I don't think it is too late for him, but whether or not he's got enough in the tank to do it. He's been pretty well ground down. I don't know if I would have handled myself as well as he did.

This page has certainly had an impact on my life, and only in a positive way. I have learned a great deal about myself and the world I find myself in. I will admit that I have a small slither of hope that there are decent women out there, but as time ticks by and now I'm almost middle aged, I have some serious reservations.

Thing is, I'm not bitter. I'm happy with my progress in life. What's TRP done for you?

[–]TecnoParadox 40 points41 points  (5 children)

I was never bitter, it just revealed fully what society was truly like and that I couldn't deny it for the amount of experiences that I had. Just took time to internalise it.

Best thing it did to me was to change the focus of my approval seeking behaviour from others to myself.

After almost two years I have never being healthier both from diet, meditation and ofc lifting. I am no longer taken by surprise from women's behaviour, I actually expect it and always have an exit plan and never get truly emotionally hurt although I still dream about the blue pill ideals but that I know it will always be just a fantasy.

I hope to give back someday with a quality post.

[–]rockstarsheep 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Sorry for the delayed response, mate. I was busy getting my groceries. I'm moving more in a keto direction, so was hunting down ingredients for dinner and breakfast this coming week.

Congratulations on your achievements. It's not so easy to just flip and switch and off you go. It's all trial and error, ultimately. Persistence is key and that's where I think many people give up. It's trying to do too much at once. Bruce Lee {apparently} said; "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Too many people don't get the ... crawl ... walk ... run method down. It's how SEALs are educated.

[–]rockstarsheep 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sorry mate. My wording was a bit off there. Apologies.

[–]brokenglassinbed 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Wtf would he even agree to go to dinner with his ex wife there is nothing absolutely zero to gain for it. I bet she got off on telling him twisting the knife.

[–]rockstarsheep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

After being together so long... it’s not all that surprising tbh.

[–]thirdincomestream 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Nothing to gain from it, ever.

I heard it put once here that "going back to an ex is like a dog going back to its throw up and eating it."

Something about that raw imagery really made it stick.

[–]strngbdy_strngmnd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that image. Got it ingrained in me as well now.

As for the story, Only reason I image he went back to see her, was at first he thought maybe it had something to do with the kids. Then it shifted into thinking she wanted him back. What a FUBAR way to entrap someone into being the aggressor though. She is the one who did everything wrong, and it still seems she blamed him for not telling her what she wanted to hear. She probably convinced herself there was going to be some Hollywood movie bullshit at the end and the guy would just act like it's fine and give some monologue about the health and safety of the kids he raised that weren't his.

[–]backpackvega 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This page saved my life. If i wasnt still a newbie Id reach out to this man myself

[–]GilbertHamilton 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I think I need it, too. Just not sure how or where to start. Gym? I dunno. I need it twice over - in that the wife but also with my adopted kid. From my first marriage. My first wife died when kid was ten. I adopted him after she died. He was my stepson. He hates me at 16, now. Yet he’s also a creep sociopath and there is a lot more too it. (Due to bio dad. Etc.) I’m not as cold as I seem in this comment.

anyway - I often lurk this sub and I think I realize trp type stuff might help me survive, thrive, and provide. And not hurt myself in the process.

[–]Matt22blaster 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Gym and diet is where you start. Its a lifestyle and it takes time, but it becomes a habit over time and you'll hate if you miss or fuck up the diet. There is no monetary value you can put on being able to look in the mirror and love what you see. Everything in your life can be going down the shitter, but youll find yourself happy for no reason when youre healthy; you can feel your sleeves stretching and that gut isn't hanging over your belt. You'll get looks from the opposite sex you're not used to getting, you get respect from men you're not used to getting, conversation and interactions with new people becomes easier as you feel your self consciousness slide away and your confidence swell. Gym and diet. Start today.

[–]rockstarsheep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Start small. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You'll find yourself taking on more and growing in confidence as time goes by. If you work at things enough, they do get better or you change and remove those things / deal differently with those things that have an impact on your life. Lurk no more, you have people to talk to now. :)

[–]LeftHello 102 points103 points  (13 children)

There was some study posted on reddit a while back that shed some light on the whole "it's just sex" thing.

Apparently when it comes to cheating, women are (relatively) more concerned with "emotional" infidelity, while men are more concerned with physical infidelity.

So in a woman's mind, it may be easier to justify cheating by thinking "oh well it's not like I love this guy, we just had sex", and assume their boyfriend/husband thinks the same way. Without realizing it's just the opposite.

Edit: Think I found it - https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-014-0409-9#page-1

Consistent with this evolutionary perspective, heterosexual men were more likely than heterosexual women to be upset by sexual infidelity (54 vs. 35 %) and less likely than heterosexual women to be upset by emotional infidelity (46 vs. 65 %).

[–]1empatheticapathetic 71 points72 points  (3 children)

Yeah this is often discussed here.

Women care about emotional fidelity. Men care about sexual fidelity. Because each has the other resource in scarcity.

[–]SinisterMJ 4 points5 points  (2 children)

From a biological point of view, I understand the sexual fidelity (your woman can be pregnant only once at a time, if its not yours... fuck that). What do you mean with emotional fidelity, why has a woman scarcity in that? Or rather, what is that even? Sucking away of ressources?

[–]2Overkillengine 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Male emotional attention is conflated with the access to their status and resources.

If a male does not care about someone, they are unlikely to devote much if any time/effort/resources to them.

[–]Docbear64 20 points21 points  (3 children)

The idea is that the emotional infidelity could lead to possible supply of resources and support for a woman . It's why in movies the question " Do you love her!?" met with silence is such a deep and disturbing inquiry. It's about creating a situation of support and comfort with the other woman versus getting fucked which for many women is like scratching an itch .

The person who scratches that itch doesn't have to want to support them that's not why they keep him around. Meanwhile the guys who said "til death do us part" he gets all the other awesome non-intimate parts of the relationship.

[–]BonelessSkinless 9 points10 points  (2 children)

That's so retarded though. Women should be able to "scratch that itch" with one guy only. And then they wonder why we're disgusted when they fuck other guys and then hate them.

[–]Redacto 5 points6 points  (0 children)

From a evolutionary perspective, it benefits the woman to cuckold her husband a little. If you can have two male bloodlines raised in your family, it basically gives you a genetic “backup plan.” So, it’s a very specific itch, that can only be scratched from outside the family.

[–]rebelde_sin_causa 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm at a loss for how emotional infidelity is defined.

A person will always have people other than one's partner with whom one is close.

[–]LeftHello 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure it just means having romantic "love" or feelings for another woman, as opposed to pure attraction. It could be combined with sexual infidelity.

The evolutionary reason being that for women, if the man started loving another woman, it jeopardized her future survival, because the risk is he would no longer provide for her. But if he just fucked another woman once, yea it sucks, but at least he'll keep providing.

For men, if she fucks another man, the risk is he would have to then provide for a non biological child. So sexual infidelity is worse, from a male perspective.

[–][deleted] 347 points348 points  (51 children)

This hits on one of the most insidious covert contracts men buy into. Its fine to take a child in and be good to them, even being a father. Never ever do it for a woman or expecting to gain respect or devotion for it. You will not. If you love the kid love the kid on the merits of that dynamic. The mom will not hesitate to pull the trigger on you though. Not for a second.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 204 points205 points  (38 children)

The mom will not hesitate to pull the trigger on you though

If she doesn't respect you, you should be ready to pull the trigger on your stepdad routine too.

Or better yet, don't get involved with single moms at all. It's a can of worms.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 172 points173 points  (22 children)

Or better yet, don't get involved with single moms at all.

This is the correct procedure. Single moms don't get to be promoted past plate status, period.

[–]truedemocracy3 84 points85 points  (5 children)

Not even worth trying IMO. Every single mom I have met are in a 'looking for something serious' or 'no hookups' phase. ie code for 'please pay for my kid'

[–]MisterMarbles1988 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Sounds like you're talking about online dating. I've met single moms in real life who were more down for casual dating. But yes, when forced to type out a profile, no one would consciously state that she doesn't want a serious relationship. "Those days are in my past!"

[–]truedemocracy3 25 points26 points  (2 children)

If you are a woman worth dating you can show off in other areas of your profile without being explicit about 'no hookups'. Show, don't tell. Show your education, well rounded personality, etc. No hookups IS ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS mentioned by someone who looks like a complete bimbo.

[–]MisterMarbles1988 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Naturally. A girl who has a bimbo past will be adamant about not repeating her past indiscretions to the point of broadcasting it on a virtual billboard.

[–]truedemocracy3 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Which is hilarious, because to the trained eye if you see 'Not here for hookups' it means that the girl has had great difficulty in the past locking guys down so she has to explicitly mention it on her profile. If a girl has a strong personality, other interests, etc. then she wont have a problem with guys wanting to keep her around.

I really have no clue what guys see those profiles and still go for it

[–]bigfuckingboner 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The ones that say 'no hookups!' usually hook up the first meet.

[–]Senior ContributorNightwingTRP 41 points42 points  (3 children)

Single moms don't get to be promoted past plate status, period.

Guys on here are too eager to promote plates. It is a very serious problem when you read some of the brainless stuff on AskTRP. 99% of the "girlfriend" problems are because they have promoted non-girlfriend/partner material beyond its natural place as a plate.

[–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I would take that even further and suggest that the vast majority of western women are unsuitable as LTR material. We have a system in the west which empowers women to behave in any way they choose without consequences.

[–]grewapair 14 points15 points  (0 children)

These women prey on lonely guys they can use. The guys who promote the single moms have no other options, so when she pushes him, it's either go back to a life of no sex, or give in.

Which is why she goes for such desperate guys in the first place. She knows that guy will never find anyone else, and that's exactly who she was looking for. If she wants a good looking guy, the complete opposite of the guy she "dates", she can do him on the side. She won't push for a relationship with him because he, in contrast to the guy she's "dating", can find someone else.

[–]ImNotTheRealOP 11 points12 points  (8 children)

"Don't get involved" and "Don't get promoted past plate status" seem contradictory to me, because if they're your plate, you're involved with them, right? Can you elaborate on what you meant?

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Read my Bitch Management Guide in the sidebar.

[–]recon_johnny 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Short Answer: You fuck them, you don't get into a relationship with them.

And for God's sake, always wear a condom and ensure it's flushed. Every time.

[–]Planner_Hammish 7 points8 points  (1 child)

ya, no; flushing condoms is a great way to fuck up your plumbing. If you're concerned about theft, then tie it off and take it with you.

[–]woodie_wood 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Have you heard about the show SMILF on showtime? Haven’t actually seen an episode but it’s pretty obvious what it’s about. Makes me cringe how much people especially guys just eat this shit up. Then there’s BAD MOMS CHRISTMAS, wtf it’s so in your face I just don’t understand how people stay blue pilled.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (8 children)

This is true, and the best advice. My point was to hit this very specific illusion a lot of guys seem to have that being good to the kid gets you any kind of special standing with mom when it doesn't. Even if losing you would be devastating to the kid she will not hesitate.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 53 points54 points  (5 children)

It kinda gets you a brief special standing in the beginning, when she's happy she found someone to improve her shitty situation, but that doesn't last long.

Pretty soon things normalize and you being the stepdad becomes the "new norm", not the special act of magnanimity it initially was.

This is pretty expected from a psychological point of view though - nobody (woman or man) likes to be forever indebted, and everyone seeks power in a relationship.

This goes for every other Cpt. Save-a-ho scenario out there too.

That's why men should never "dumpster dive" for relationships, thinking it will afford them gratitude or even decency in the long run. If you do seek a relationship, seek it with the best woman you can find, not the lowest hanging fruit.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

I'll refer to the whole beige phillip rule of anything you do 3 times is no longer a favor, it's an obligation.

[–]MisterMarbles1988 32 points33 points  (2 children)

I was dating a young girl a few years ago. As usual, I opened the car door for her on our first date. And then again on our subsequent dates. She, like all girls, went gaga over the old school act of chivalry.

But then after we had been going out for a while, I didn't open the car door for her. I didn't want to feel obligated to it every time we went somewhere. As I slide around to my side of the car, she says to me, "Uh, this door isn't going to open itself!"

Done. Never opened a car door for her again after that.

Related, my current wife lays out a fresh pair of boxers for me next to the sink every night for when I come home from work. Every night she does this, so one night I guess she forgot to or something, and I was actually annoyed!

Never mind that she was doing this sweet little thing for me without my asking for it all this time. The moment she didn't do it, I felt like she owed it to me. Probably how the other girl with the car door felt.

Must be human nature. In retrospect it's probably best to do nice things more sporadically and inconsistently to avoid complacency and being taken for granted.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 17 points18 points  (0 children)

In retrospect it's probably best to do nice things more sporadically and inconsistently to avoid complacency and being taken for granted.

It's in the sidebar somewhere (or in a dog training manual, same thing tbh): reinforce good behaviors with small, intermittent rewards.

[–]Matt22blaster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So true. My ex did nothing, I cooked, cleaned did laundry. I used to walk around the house picking things up shouting out "cause if I don't do it, it don't get done". I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 3 years. the other day I got mad at her because I didn't have jeans. she forgot to move a load from the washer to the dryer. She gave me a sarcastic sorry, and explained that after she got off work at 5, between cooking salmon and cleaning the kitchen, she must have forgot to move them over; then reminded me that I hadn't done laundry in over two years. But you're right, when someone else assumes responsibility for something, it's just natural to eventually expect it and take it for granted.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's an excellent way of putting it.

[–]Docbear64 17 points18 points  (1 child)

It' just another application of Briffaults law isn't it ?

BRIFFAULT’S LAW:

-The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

There are a few corollaries I would add:

-Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.

-Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)

-A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).

[–]truedemocracy3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My guess is that the guy got in when the kids were young, the mom realized that most of his value came from raising them in the present and future, and as the kids neared 18 his value as a provider only diminished until she was disgusted by him

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 23 points24 points  (4 children)

The nuclear family is a male value system.

[–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"The nuclear family is a male value system."

Very true! This statement needs to be one of the Red Pill Tenets...I haven't seen it on any of the manosphere sites before....(?)

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because it's my OC ;)

Read "Children without fathers, and women without providers. Short term mates, long term mates, alpha bucks and the silverback patriarch."

I think you'll like it.

[–]truedemocracy3 13 points14 points  (0 children)

how much do you want to bet this divorce happened as the kids were 18 or closing in on it, and thus majority of costs raising them are sunk

[–]FAT_BALLSACK 124 points125 points  (4 children)

Damn dude. He finds out his current gf likes to get fucked down by Reggie Everyman and the only thing he's thinking is he doesn't find her attractive now? As anxious as this post makes me he needed to find out instead of living a fucking lie. Good god

[–]1empatheticapathetic 19 points20 points  (2 children)

It takes time to change perspectives.

[–]tybyday 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sometimes a single moment can change one’s perspective.

[–]Your_Coke_Dealer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You can tell by the context that the poor guy isn't a participant of this sub. He doesn't know how to describe his reaction to what just happened to him in our terms. He's feeling the same disgust as any of us would when discovering the nature of females for the first time, and I remember that for me it also manifested itself as a loss of attraction. Unlike you I don't feel anxious at all, just a little pity and empathy for the guy. There's disrespect meant by this, but if that's your reaction, you're probably still in the anger phase. He's where many of us were when we started, at least emotionally. He just learned a harder way than most of us.

[–]1GreenPiller 55 points56 points  (6 children)

What would happen if the movie American Psycho had a female protagonist instead of a male one? Would the character be as intriguing or would she just seem like a regular woman?

[–]TaylorWolf 19 points20 points  (2 children)

The secretary is the regular woman... crushing on a guy like Patrick Bateman

Interestingly American Psycho was written and directed by a woman. Patrick Bateman is actually a fantasy character the same way Twilight vampires are. Dangerous and sexy.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Screenplay was technically written by a woman, but it was based on a book written by a man. She contributed very little to the Patrick Bateman character that wasn’t already on Bret Easton-Ellis’ book.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She did a great job fleshing him out. She had to interpret the book which doesn't give a real coherent vision of who Patrick is, which is intentional. Complete with pov changes.

The screenplay is brilliant and arguably better than the book.

Though BEEs concept for the book is groundbreaking and the seed he planted grew something great out of it.

The rare example of a movie that if you're not just a book guy is as good or better.

[–]THEnimble_mongoose 96 points97 points  (14 children)

And this is what a guy gets for "being a real man" and taking in someones children as their own.

WTF? Why does this guy think that real men raise other men's kids?

[–]rhuffq 109 points110 points  (11 children)

Because that’s what society has told him. A “real man” cleans up the messes made by an irresponsible woman and nonsense such as that. Nevermind the fact that these “real men” did not interest the woman prior to her ruining herself.

That’s why TRP is so important. It dispels this false teaching and exposes it for the trap it is and saves lives.

[–]sd4c 50 points51 points  (10 children)

Serial killers and mass murderers, get so much fan mail from women, that sometimes extra prison staff are needed to help with the volume of mail.

Including a guy who killed 87 children (Anders Brehvik)

Now guess how much lusty fan mail a cop or firefighter gets, when they save a couple dozen kids?

Guess who's much more likely to physically abuse their children: a single mom or a single dad? Hint

Guess who sent their boyfriend text messages authorizing him to molest her 4-month old baby?

Women are evil. Some of them are just better at getting away with it.

DON'T invest money in them.
DON'T trust them with secrets.
DON'T give them the key to your house, passwords, or let them know your net worth.
DON'T expect fidelity, or for them to even stick around- even if you have 5 kids.
DON'T assume her religion or upbringing will protect you.

DO assume that even if she says she loves you, and it's true, that it can change forever in an instant, for a completely trivial reason- such as discovering you like pancakes. Or because she doesn't like the name of your favorite college bar (this happened to me).

DO assume that her deceit is not concious- they are often completely unaware of their hypocrisy- precisely because deceit is far more effective when the deceiver believes their own lie. She can pass an FBI polygraph saying "I adore you and will absolutley love you forever", and then the very next day, pass one saying "It wasn't cheating; it didn't count because I didn't come."

WHY? Here's why:

The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied with this logic, and agrees to take him as a passenger. They set out into the water, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink.

The frog knows they both will quickly drown, but has just enough time to gasp at the orange-brown arachnid: "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "It's my nature. I'm a scorpion, after all."

[–]Holy-Kush 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You make a decent point (the words used were a bid agressive imo) but that story at the end really carried your entire message. Gonna remember this anecdote, thank you.

[–]truedemocracy3 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Because society is pro-woman and that is what it teaches men to do. It promotes strength through selflessness. You see this in a similar way with the military, putting others above yourself and being rewarded for it by society.

Look out for yourself.

[–]bg2444 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because "a real man" means sacrifice. Which at one point for society and others was an extremely virtuous trait. But now it's just being a chump or a trick or a mark.

For women, often they'll take care of shitty men who drink and lie or abuse them. In the past, taking care of someone was a virtuous trait too, but now it's the exact same as with men.

Each sex has traits that would make them fit and healthy as a parent, and instead they use those traits on people rather than their own children.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 110 points111 points  (4 children)

Biological father of "our kids." WAT... Dude.

[–]Heyokalol 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Dude's so delusional it's beyond pathetic.

[–]Dystaxia 28 points29 points  (1 child)

If you got into a long term relationship with someone who already had children and you raised those kids for 18 years, they would still be your kids in your mind. Biologically no but he was still the only father they ever really knew. To those children and how their lives were impacted, their real dad was nothing but a sperm donor.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Sorry I would never do this. Sperm donor is dad, just as she proved. Kids and this guy are free to feel how they want, but for any man it's the ultimate covert contact.

[–]Throwawaysteve123456 68 points69 points  (63 children)

Man, I feel for some of these DB guys. 80% of them scream infidelity, or at least the girl completely given up. For the female stories, which surprisingly is the majority, they describe mostly men that let themselves go, play video games, and jerk off rather than fuck their wives.

[–]tybyday 76 points77 points  (60 children)

Ironic that after years of “I have a headache” they frequently complain of his lack of interest at the end.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 18 points19 points  (33 children)

It's kind of crazy. One of my plates (hb9) basically dumped her ex because he was a drunkk that would barely fuck her once or twice a month and apparently NEVER initiated. I'm banging her brains out. She wakes me up in the morning by putting my dick in her mouth.

WTF is wrong with these dudes?

This dead bedroom guy probably never once just grabbed her, threw her down and fucked her.

[–]tybyday 58 points59 points  (6 children)

It’s because when she’s your wife she wants to go to bed early, have you tickle her back with no escalation to sex, etc. If you think a woman is giving you an accurate accounting of what’s really happening in that house you are sorely mistaken. Imagine being able to watch video of the interactions. You really think guys are turning down their horny, “honey please just come fuck me” wives? That old comedy Married with Children, closer to the truth at least.

[–]antariusz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Married with children is still funny, today.

Peggy was always trying to fuck Al, but Al had better shit to do with his life. Peggy would never cheat on Al because he’d have left her ass in a second. It’s red pill comedy.

[–]BonelessSkinless 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Exactly. We WANT to fuck our wives and girlfriends. But it's really difficult when you try and she full out resists you or says she's tired or has a headache or some other dumb shit again and again and again.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Eventually many men give up. Then when the woman loses the pussy power that she used by repeatedly denying the man for years well THEN suddenly it is a DB problem! After a decade of bullshit and games now the repeated denials are not available (because he is no longer initiating) THEN she suddenly decides that she wants to have sex 3 times a week. After gaining 65 pounds and ONLY WHEN the man has given up, THEN it is a "problem."

[–]kieran9323 2 points3 points  (1 child)

"I'm tired" argument must be bs, when I'm tired I wouldn't mind have a wifey on top of me or doing oral

[–]havelbrandybuck 17 points18 points  (8 children)

If the same woman was married to you for 5 or 10 years, I doubt she would be putting your dick in her mouth on a Sunday morning too, despite the fact that you're this 'big alpha'.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (6 children)

"hb9". ha...I'm sure. on the internet everyone is fucking supermodels.

[–]askmrcia 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Seriously though. I don't get why people feel the need the need to say "hbWhatever." Just say "one of my plates basically dumped her ex...." and leave the whole HB9 out of it.

The fact that people feel the need to post "I'm banging this HB9" its most likely BS. None of us here care how good she looks and her looks are basically irrelevant the whatever point they were trying to make.

[–]sd4c 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You don't know that. It's entirely possible, he started off strong, and that she fagged him up.

Also, sometimes it takes a few years, other times just one, but you almost always get tired of fucking the same chick, after you do it 10,000 times without cheating.

Somehow, cheating on her refreshes the well. I do not know why.

[–]Xevalous 3 points4 points  (5 children)

If they aren't initiating and don't desire their women, you're getting table scraps.

[–]FinnFerrall 6 points7 points  (25 children)

I often wonder if the reason why men go off their wives is because men age better than women. Whenever I read about a 5 plus year marriage go sexless I imagine the wife hitting the wall and the guy wondering what the hell happened.

Men are fortunate because hitting the gym, eating right and grooming can keep their looks well into their 40s but women are pretty much screwed by the late 20s. Add to the stress to their bodies of having kids and you can understand why men who were mainly attracted to their wives physically would go dead bedroom on them.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Women aren't necessarily doomed by late 20s. They certainly peak about 10 maybe 15 years earlier than men, and age accordingly about the same ahead of men.

However I was just at a Christmas party last night and was noticing the difference in aging in the women there roughly in the 28-30 bracket. Some were looking like their goose was cooked, pretty rough. But there were some others who were very beautiful and looked like they would still be attractive thru their 30s.

[–]FinnFerrall 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Ehhh come to the UK man and I'll show you some horrors

[–]askmrcia 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Its the same in the USA. But women can still look very good into their 30s IF they choose to take care of themselves. That means eat right and work out at the gym. I mean really work out not that walk on the treadmill at slow ass speeds for two hours.

The problem is most women choose not to do that. So yea that's why they age faster. Men have this issue too. If they don't workout when they are in their 30s+ then they will age fast.

The difference is, men's looks don't mean as much as a woman so if that man has high status and money he can still be very attractive to women. Women with high status and money with diminished looks are still unattractive.

[–]truedemocracy3 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Pale, chubby, and bad teeth. Maybe hairy arms too. Sorry mate

[–]tybyday 11 points12 points  (8 children)

This is shows a complete lack of understanding of male attraction and sexuality. Seems you also have zero experience being in a ltr as a man. Instead of explaining men’s behavior from a female perspective you might look at it from the male perspective. Men are not fortunate at all just as women are not fortunate at all. The genders have opposite trajectories. There’s pros and cons to both every step along the way. As far as men “leaving” the bedrooms? Unbelievable mental gymnastics to make that the male problem. If a man is weathered down for years and then, as a shell of his former self, he’s the reason she longer has attraction and is no longer interested in sex? What accountability is there for the other side of that equation? I estimate most men experience something close to 30-1 the number of times they hear no vs. say it. And guaranteed that 1 is used repeatedly to claim no interest on his part.

[–]MisterMarbles1988 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Several LTR's I've had were with women who never turned me down for sex once. One of them told me when we first started dating, "Just so you know I will NEVER say no to you for sex."

Her and a few others actually had sex drives even stronger than my own! Imagine 15-year old me, with one notch, and my 15-year old gf is talking dirty to me and wanting sex in public!

Sex drive mismatches can kill a relationship. Having similar libidos is a non-negotiable for me at this point in my life.

Being with a girl who doesn't want sex as much as you can really be soul-crushing.

[–]tybyday 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve had the same experience and agree. I have also seen my relationships flip/flop about who wants it more. There’s a reason that happens and ways to keep at bay.

[–]FinnFerrall 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Hmmmm interesting.

For the record, I've had a few ltrs and was only airing my thoughts rather than stating them as fact. Also, I am a man, not sure if that was clear in my post...

My opinion was based upon personal experience with my now ex wife, and speaking only about physical attraction only. I kept myself in shape and left the marriage (in part, there were many many other factors for sure) because she certainly didn't look after herself in the same way.

Anyway, have my upvote as you've given me something to think about. But I must reiterate, it was only a passing thought I thought I'd share. If you don't agree then fine, it's all good.

[–]tybyday 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I would love to hear your experience. My own experience is also the only thing I can really know the world from as well. I appreciate your response to be honest. I’m not joking when I say I don’t know any man who left a relationship due to her physical appearance. I’m not saying justified and no judgement on my part. I know many men who’s wives got really heavy and they did not. They’re not in happy marriages but they’re in it nevertheless.

[–]FinnFerrall 2 points3 points  (3 children)

That's the thing though - there are many men who stay in unhappy marriages for various reasons. I've worked with and been friends with plenty of such men and, like yourself, I don't know any who have left for that reason.

To explain my limited experience, I messed around a lot until 30 and ended up having a kid with someone who pretty much caught me out - I don't regret it as my boy lives with me and I'm a single dad, but after he came along I settled down with a 20 year old and had a started a family with her - so there was some age difference. We had a kid and we ended up marrying but 6 or so years later things weren't so good. Ironically she was intensely jealous and possessive (checking my emails/social media/phone and phone bills, calling people's numbers she didn't recognise, that sort of stupidity) and I took a good long look at our relationship and decided that the only reason I could convince myself to stay was because of the kids, which I knew they wouldn't thank me for in years to come. She was a great girl to start off with but we were both pretty strong characters, and it became apparent that neither were going to change or compromise.

I never regretted my decision to walk and I listen to my friends and work colleagues bitch about their wives and wonder why they don't walk too but to be fair it is a big step to take. Saying that you leave just because you're not physically attracted to your partner probably is a little shallow but my original train of though was why men stop sleeping with their wives, especially what with all that good porn out there haha

[–]PhaedrusHunt 5 points6 points  (9 children)

I don't know man. I'm 39, one woman I'm seeing is also. Her body is as fine as any 20 something. Sure, her face shows her age a bit, but she runs 20+ miles a week, and takes care of herself. Sexy AF. I ALSO know a woman who is 55 or so that is a flat out dime piece. Again, gym, diet, good attitude, clean living.

[–]FinnFerrall 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Yeah true fella. Women CAN look after themselves but it seems to be much more of an uphill struggle for them, or so it seems here in the UK anyway.

A good example I guess is my gym insofar as there are a fair few men my sort of age (44) keeping themselves in good shape, hardly any women though unfortunately. And you see this when you go out in pubs and clubs, hell even in the street. You see a hot 40-something woman and it's a real surprise.

I've dated a fair few women since leaving my marriage and it's a lot harder finding a woman my sort of age and in shape. I feel I should say that looks and physique aren't everything but in the context of my previous comment, I just imagined that maybe there were some husbands just going off their wives physically.

Fair play to you though mate, enjoy your hot girlfriend!

[–]PhaedrusHunt 3 points4 points  (7 children)

Haha I am dude! And a few others as well! Come to Austin and I'll take you out cougar hunting. LOTS of hot mamas in their 40s here.

[–]FinnFerrall 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Fella, if I'm ever lucky to come over to the States I'll take you up on your offer and I'll bring my best British accent too!

[–]PhaedrusHunt 3 points4 points  (5 children)

I'll add one other thing though. Maybe your women don't age well but when they're in their twenties they're something else.

I hooked up with a girl from South Shields who was here visiting a couple of years back. She's in my top 3 all time list for sure. Amazing fuck.

I hope she takes care of herself. For obvious reasons because maybe I'll come over that way someday.

[–]FinnFerrall 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Hey stop fucking all our best women! Leave some for us, you have enough of your own over there!

To be fair, there are some stunners in their late 20s/early 30s but I was married to a girl 11 years younger than me and in that instance the age difference, I think proved to be another factor in the marriage being doomed. Maybe.

I'm meant to go on a date with a hot 42 year old but there's some serious red flags from her most recent texts - her ex/father of her children really broke her heart, her walls are up etc. Sounds like the lady has some issues :/

[–]PhaedrusHunt 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Sounds like she's primed for a pounding to me mate. She's an alpha widow. Up his alpha. Fuck her brains out.

[–]4angrydragons 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I used to frequently reply to these poor guys in deadbedrooms pointing them to Red Pill.

[–]OracleofFl 10 points11 points  (0 children)

...and how many actually did?

You can lead a horse to water....

[–]Momo_dollar 75 points76 points  (9 children)

Why did she confess?

To get rid of him but make it his choice

She was done with him as the kids are now older.

Also to find out if he had been been fucking anyone on the side

[–]asotranq 54 points55 points  (1 child)

Probably just to make herself feel better. You'll notice at one point he says "she looked at me like I betrayed her". I promise you that if she thinks about this to herself or talks to her friends about this she'll play the victim and say how cold her ex husband was with her the last time she spoke, while cautiously omitting the truth of the situation the entire way. Also she gets to stick a dagger into this guy's heart again and which woman would pass up the opportunity to do that to her ex.

[–]havelbrandybuck 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Closure and self validation.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ehhh I'm doubtful of your first point but the last point is probably true.

It doesn't sound like they were really involved much in each other's lives when she contacted him to tell him, so I don't think it was to "get rid of him".

It was a closure thing for her I bet, but yes she probably did want to hear how much he cheated on her as a way of assuaging her guilt.

[–]Reformed65 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Bob is our kids biological father.

This one sentence would piss me off so much, get the fuck out of here with this "our" bullshit. Did they come out of OP's cock when he fucked you? No, therefore you say "MY kids" not "OUR kids".

Trying to sly in and paint this picture that somehow the kids still belong to OP.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 10 points11 points  (2 children)

It's done to piss him off. She knows what she's doing.

[–]Reformed65 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You're right, the whole act is just to piss him off.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Everything a woman says and does is a shit test. If this guy reacted with ultimate dominance, fucked her in the asshole and fucked off, she'd be chasing him as AF.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]SickOfIt518 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That should be a series of instructional videos.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm more interested in what Bob has to say.

We can learn from that lowlife pussy slayer

[–]chuckthundercock 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is a gut punch to every non TRP guy out there. Post-awakening its a "water is wet" post. All my kids have had genetic testing. Even the hamster can't argue around the health benefits of doing so, its a defacto paternity test under the guise of "health." Every TRP member with kids should get this done stat, in fact, it should be in the sidebar. Any resistance to such test lets you at least know that she's been fucking other guys. Edit: Added it as a sidebar recommendation.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 16 points17 points  (3 children)

She says she was "lost" and that looking back it was all a " mistake" and that she now realizes she killed our sex life, not me. She tells me that the reason she went back to Bob, after me pressing her, was because I was "Too good" for her, and that she never thought I actually loved her.

I asked her what part of me taking on her kids, her, and her responsibilities made it seem like I didn't love her. Shes says "I don't know."

One of the most important TRP teaching is that the medium is the message. The reason the OP got cucked for so long was that he made the mistake of listening what she says, while her actions were screaming very loudly "I am not sexually attracted to you". Now decades later, he is still listening to what she says as his primary attempt to understand her.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Medium : you're rent a dad

Message : ?

Hit like a sledgehammer because there was no alternate interpretation.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Medium: what she does, aka not fucking him. Message: "I am not attracted to you"

[–]Redsqa 14 points15 points  (1 child)

'Funniest comment' :

Fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this.

My biggest fear is that I'm just being used by my wife as a provider for the kids and her.

Logically, it makes sense that even if she didn't love me and wasn't attracted to me she'd stick around and take one for the team sometimes. I'm usually not an asshole, I raise the kids as my own and I provide a comfortable living (she's a stay at home mom). My career has nowhere to go but up.

Shit like this makes something inside of me scream. Using my love as a tool makes me feel fucking unclean, like a fucking worm that isn't worthy of being in a marriage where I'm actually loved for who I am instead of just what I provide. My skin crawls and I start feeling nauseous. Knowing you put your heart out and the bitch fucking used you and manipulated you is the worst fucking nightmare I can imagine.

Fuck dude I'm so sorry.

I can't even explain how sick this makes me feel.

Notice the sentence in bold. This guy knows. Inside, he knows he's betabux, perhaps a cuck. That's why he feels so sick.

[–]quityourbullshit777[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well he is on the Deadbedrooms subreddit. I mean if his bedroom is dead it probably isn't she has just moved the sex to her alpha(s) bedroom.

[–]RockhoundFIN 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Kind of makes one lose interest in even fucking them. Every inch of dick shoved into that pussy validates the person carrying the pussy in the belief that this behavior is all good. Have strength and accepting the pill will help, even if it makes you lose most of the perceived value of women.

Sometimes its nice to empty one's balls onto their faces or mouths and see them think of oneself as their god/daddy/whatever. They add as much value to your life as a man thinks they do. An incel or a virgin needs to experience a good dominant fucking a couple of times, after that its just a novelty. Like a good hamburger.

Pussy is pussy. The packaging changes, the person behind the shell rarely does.

[–]Ninokun 10 points11 points  (2 children)

cant wait for 100% realistic Sex Androids.

[–]shaggyctes88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

China was working on it but PC Police pulled the plug.....feminism isnt gonna let us have our own

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 69 points70 points  (0 children)

So often deadbedrooms aren't because sex isn't occurring at all, it's because it has been transferred to a different bedroom

Oh how naive. To think she needs a bed for Chad to fuck her.

[–]timleif 11 points12 points  (1 child)

When women recount their past sexual relationships, it's "just sex". And yet if you want to have "just sex" with her right now, it magically changes into the Great Valuable Gem That Must Be Won Through Great Effort And Quivering Gina Tingles.

GTFOH.

[–]Lego_My_Alter_Eggo 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Stories like this are why I can't get out of the anger phase. It's just so hard for me to fathom how a woman could do this and feel no remorse for 20 YEARS.

If I were cheating on my wife I'd feel constant guilty. I can't rationalize how women can do some of the most awful and disgusting things possible in a relationship and feel litterally nothing at all. Like they don't even consider what they're doing, like they have no empathy for anyone else in the world.

[–]Crimson_Medicinal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I like to think of it in a primal, National Geographic sort of way.

Does the female praying mantis give a fuck while its eating the head of it's mate?

Does the hyena give a fuck when its eating the ass out of a buffalo?

Nature is scary. I think as men we can control our basic biological triggers (anger, violence, territorial-ness) but I think the female triggers are much stronger and deeper ingrained.

[–]SrPildoraRoja 12 points13 points  (6 children)

"On top of that, my new HL GF, that seems awesome, when I told her about all of this, she informs me that she also has a proclivity for finding random men from time to time and that "it's just sex!" and now I don't find her attractive anymore either."

This is golden. How on Earth does he think you get to share with a woman a story like this?

[–]jethreezy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Usually the husband only finds out when he catches his bitch red-handed. This is one of those few rare cases where a thot has outed herself.

So just imagine all the "dead bedroom but otherwise happily married" husbands who don't got a wife that's been pushed towards being this forthright, due to whatever selfish reasons they may have.

[–][deleted]  (17 children)

[deleted]

[–]tybyday 19 points20 points  (7 children)

I don’t know if the story is true or not but my own eyes have seen shit exactly like this. Completely plausible.

[–]_the_shape_ 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Absolutely plausible, yes. In fact, I personally know of worse, in my opinion.

I have a good friend who after the brutal realization that he had been a blissfully unaware cuck for close to a year and a half, raising another man's child who looked nothing like my friend (or the mother for that matter), left her and the kid, contemplated his next move for a few months, and pitifully chose to return to living life as a willing cuck.

It wasn't until he found himself in jail not even a year later for a domestic violence charge that his eyes finally opened up and he realized the pool of toxic sewage that had become his life that he was swimming in daily.

Not that I ever even had a drop of attraction for the girl he had crippling oneitis for, but she committed somewhere in the range of 10-12 transgressions that I personally was aware of (I'm sure there were many more I never heard of) that I thought would have prompted any other self-respecting man to sever all communication forever, but this dude just kept coming back for more and more, a bullet (so to speak) grazing the tip of his nose being the catalyst for him to wake up and say "enough".

It's not far-fetched at all to argue that the blue pill/a raging case of oneitis/lack of self-respect etc. have death as one of several painful, logical ends.

[–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

BPD women are like heroin....they are VERY hard to give up....red pill aware or not!

Look up borderline women, they are usually the most attractive, sexual, and addictive relationships that a man will ever experience....I was married to two of them.

[–]_the_shape_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree. Been there before myself, several years back.

I was fortunate enough on two fronts:

1) although she was the hottest girl I've ever been with and had the tightest pussy I've ever experienced, she seemed to suffer from vaginismus, making it too unbearable for her to have sex for more than 5-7 minutes tops, so I was on the verge of ending it anyway on account of sexual frustration

2) one night, only a single month into our 'relationship', a small disagreement quickly escalated to my surprise, leading her to remove the 'mask' and show me every bit of rage and poison festering inside of her, and from that point onward, I could only see a physically attractive but completely unhinged lunatic, pushing me to call it quits very shortly thereafter

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]tybyday 28 points29 points  (2 children)

    I honestly believe women are subconsciously programmed to try and break their partner. They want an unbreakable man. That’s the way you know if you have one. I have seen the worst female behavior when he’s at his lowest. So to be objective. My understanding is that males are much more likely to cheat on their partner when she’s pregnant. So touché feminists, Beat you too it. We’re all smart apes that are still biologically driven pieces of self serving shit most of the time.

    [–]BonelessSkinless 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    "I have seen the worst female behavior when he's at his lowest."

    This rings so true, right when you need her to support you the most... knife in your artery.

    [–]tybyday 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Think of it as the ultimate stress test.

    [–]borcibor 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    I think you need to learn to read again. This did not happen to OP

    [–]quityourbullshit777[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    The story seems real because he actual made a post like a week BEFORE this one or some other period of time..

    He talked about going to meet her or something soon and this is the post that he made some time later.

    You can search for the post through the info at the bottom of my post and you can find it.

    [–]quityourbullshit777[S] 20 points21 points  (3 children)

    Here it is:

    To people who don't believe this post, here is the post the OP made a week before:

    This might be wrong but I noticed something in the last couple of years.

    Basically I came here for advice, and eventually decided to get a divorce with my then 56LL wife of 22 years. I decided to get a gym membership and a friend introduced me to this Ketogenic diet.

    I focused on ME, I worked out, I ran my dogs more, I bonded with my step son despite the failed marriage, and I lost over 18 lbs in just a couple months. The confidence of her not breaking my spirit on a daily basis is astounding! Some things I've noticed in the last 3 years however, are troubling, and also giving me hope.

    I might be way off base, and maybe this only applies to my age group, but here's what I've noticed since re entering the dating pool.

    In the last 3 years I've dated 4 women, all around my age (55), one of them I am still seeing, the other 3 I am not. Sorry if this is a long story, but I always noticed with my ex wife that she didn't really pay attention to stuff, in general, like situational awareness, etc. So for some examples, if I enter a room and my partner says their knee hurts, I might ask if they need anything while I'm up. She just doesn't, ever, not even once. If I asked her to pay a bill, she'd forget by the next day. If I taught her how to operate the wood stove 18 thousand times, she'd still not remember it, and after the 18thousand and first time, she'd say "I get it!" all snappy, yet not remember the next time. She would forget to put oil in her car, or put gas in, I'd almost always find her vehicle in some inoperable state of disarray that was 100% preventable. I'd teach her how to pump gas, she'd forget by the next time we went out, I could actually see it in her eyes, the confusion and realizing she wasn't faking it, she really did not remember how. She'd forget events, most memories, I'd say "remember last year where we put the Tarps in the garage, it's by those..." and she'd say "we have tarps?" YES, WE DO, I WATCHED YOU PUT THEM THERE.

    At one point we thought she had a tumor, or a brain cancer, because it REALLY was an issue, she would forget to pay a bill, and when I pointed out that we got, and she OPENED personally, multiple "Shutoff" notices, she'd look completely confused.

    I could basically watch a movie with her, and a few weeks later watch it again, and she'd say she had never seen it before, same with books, same with basically anything. She'd make a recipe and realize the temperature was too high, mention "Next time I'll cook it lower!" and then next time burn it again, and go through the whole "It was too hot!" realization process.

    I bought her a toy that she had been begging me for, a K'nex kit, you know, that little kids play with. So they are pretty basic, but each time she pulls it out, I have to re teach her how they snap together, yet she holds a job, has friends, drives a vehicle, etc... She's a professional to boot, she is a counselor of sorts, in a very stressful and demanding job, and does her job NO PROBLEM, never forgets ANYTHING. So, after 20 years of DB with her I finally pulled the plug, and back to the present, have dated 4 new women in the last few years. One of them was NOT a DB type of woman. I took her fly fishing last month, she picked it up in one day, ONE DAY, we went out the next weekend she still remembered how to tie a knot, was excited to be there, and ACTUALLY had absorbed all the information I gave to her about fish habitats and where they might be hiding, like she was repeating my own phrases back to me and smiling and having fun.

    I taught her how to use my woodstove (typical woodstove) and she started a fire with it the next morning. The other 3 women were the opposite, just like my ex wife, I would teach them how to use my coffee maker, and by the next day it was "Can you make coffee? I can't figure it out!"

    I actually kinda lost my temper a bit with one of them, and said soemthing very rude and unlike me, "Do you pay attention EVER or is this just how you are?"

    She acted like I had just dropped salt in a wound, she broke down, and basically said that it had been an issue in all her relationships, that she just didn't see the world how most people do, that stuff that is easy for most people is really hard for her, and yada yada. I pointed out that it's funny because things SHE likes, she has no problem remembering them, or self teaching, or growing, or you know, paying attention.

    I apologized and we decided it was best to go our separate ways, so over the next year I date two more women, both are the same, both can't pay attention, I can tell them stuff, they don't remember it 10 minutes later. I eventually lose my temper on them too, again, and say stuff like "Have you ever attempted, um, maybe, trying to pay attention?" and they both did the same, almost instantly melted down into sobbing and saying "All men say this to me, I'm just not like other women!" etc etc.

    I have noticed with my new girlfriend, the one that actually pays attention, that it seems to transfer into all kinds of other areas of our lives, she pays bills without me having to beg her to, she uses the correct account, she cancelled our yard trimmers and informed me that she likes using Lawn Mowers and will mow the lawn as an enjoyable thing she likes to do. She took my car to the shop and had it fixed without even asking me, she just seems to get it, like, she thinks...

    Now here's where I might be going off a tangent, but I REALLY really don't think so, and sure there's gonna be a few people saying "I don't think those things are connected..." but here's why I think you're wrong. Paying attention is one of the most critically important things you can do for your partner, besides it's ability to keep you both on the same page, it also creates a communication platform, you know, like when I would get mad at the stove, if it was burning funny, IF my wife had ANY clue how stoves worked, she could have said "I hate when the cold air pushes the smoke back down." Instead, she was just running around the house like a, excuse my french, idiot going "Why is this happening?!?!" despite me having explained it to her countless times. People that don't pay attention to things that can KILL you if mishandled, are certainly not going to pay ANY attention to your personal needs, think about it, they don't even care enough to make sure you don't suffocate in your sleep. My current SO loves intimacy, we have sex probably once a week at least, this is UNHEARD of for me, the previous 3 women, the other ones like my wife that refused to pay attention to anything around them, basically told me within a few weeks that "Sex just isn't that important to me, at this point in my life." When I asked them why it wasn't, they couldn't even give me an answer, they actually didn't even understand their own reasons, ie, they don't even pay attention to their own thoughts. That's terrifying!

    I just can't help but notice that in my dating experience, all of the LL people I dated, seemed to not pay attention to much other than their own short term desires and needs.

    I think that people who DO pay attention to stuff around them, and actually invest into relationships, and hobbies, and knowing information, they are the ones that are more likely to give you that same investment, because knowing stuff, and investing is part of what brings them fulfillment. Just food for thought, have a good day all.

    Apologies if this has been brought up before, and apologies if I'm way wrong, but I really think there's something to this. My step son has a really healthy relationship with his wife, and I noticed it with her too, she just pays attention, I teach her stuff that she actually remembers every time I see them, it feels so good to know they actually listen and pay attention, which makes me pursue a relationship with them, which in turn leads to them doing the same. I think these LL people, in a lot of cases, not all, are just bad at paying attention, hence why one partner is always standing there going "HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS!?" Because, they don't pay attention! HELLO!

    Update - I absolutely love how the top rated comment here is a girl "womansplaining" to me that this was all actually my fault for wanting my wife to know how to not kill us with the wood stove because "You're boring and you talk about man stuff so no wonder she ignored you." In essence saying I deserved it. Wow.. WOW... I have no words. This is the same type of thing that get's men called out for being selfish.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    50 years in the dark. TRP is the greatest weapon men have ever been gifted.

    [–]anon2777 27 points28 points  (11 children)

    if i honestly raised someone elses kids for 20 years then found out i was getting cucked the whole time i might honestly kill myself tbh.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 25 points26 points  (2 children)

    Use that feeling to just let go of everything you thought mattered. Wanting to kill yourself is a result of trying to hold onto your old reality while facing this new one.

    You're those kids dad by 20 years old. You lost out biologically but you put the time in and had the father experience and made that connection.

    You don't have a chronic disease, you haven't been arrested and jailed falsely. You're finally free of everything you thought was important aka the blue pill.

    I'd go to Thailand and just fucking wander around and stop giving all fucks about anything.

    [–]Dystaxia 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Honestly, the relationship with the wife was garbage the entire time but the bond with the kids would still be the same. I wouldn't want to completely check out because there is so much more there regarding the children that can't be erased by the revelation.

    Then again, they are also 20 at this point so not dependent. Thailand wouldn't be so bad.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    He could also turn the kids against the wife in some amount if the kids really respected him as a dad. That would be satisfying and worthwhile.

    [–]1rporion 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Frankly, it is not me I would kill.

    [–]1scissor_me_timbers00 5 points6 points  (6 children)

    Na. That gives her too much power. I might want to kill myself but stay alive strictly so she doesn't know she had that much influence over me.

    In my reading of the female psyche, she would have a layer of guilt about contributing to a suicide, but I think on a moral primal level she would think of me as a loser.

    I might grab her hair and spit in her face tho. Not as a sexual thing but to let her know how subhuman and scum she is.

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 6 points7 points  (5 children)

    Jesus bro if you're going to kill yourself it doesn't matter what she thinks. You're dead. Why the fuck would you care what anybody thought?

    [–]Zerophobe 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    The worst part she dumped this truth on him so that she could feel good herself.

    (Cause she came "clean")

    Nice therapist she has.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [removed]

      [–]FranckShmibery 36 points37 points  (7 children)

      “A woman who is sexually unsatisfied is almost guaranteed to cheat, always.” -Daniel Rose, Sex God Method

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]MisterMarbles1988 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        He didn't say that rocking her world would PREVENT her from cheating.

        He said that leaving her unfulfilled will GURANTEE her cheating.

        [–]FranckShmibery 5 points6 points  (2 children)

        sex god dick> any dick. Natural law. Good dick to a girl is like heroin to a junkie. It’s why you always see junkies being in and out of rehab for all their lives, or cheating whores always cheating, as in OP’s case. Sex god dick>any dick.

        [–]Zerophobe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        OK so the woman visits you once a week for a hot fuck like a whore then goes back to her husband kids and family....

        Is that ideal? Lol. You don't really have that woman do you?

        [–]juliusstreicher 16 points17 points  (1 child)

        The "for that, I'm eternally grateful" should be a tipoff that it's madeup.

        [–]360_no_scope_upvote 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Honestly surprised this guy hasn't strangled this woman to death.

        [–]Salted_Pretzel 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        This hurts my heart just reading it. I can only imagine the amount of pain this person is going through right now.

        [–]quityourbullshit777[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        To people who don't believe this post, here is the post the OP made a week before:

        This might be wrong but I noticed something in the last couple of years.

        Basically I came here for advice, and eventually decided to get a divorce with my then 56LL wife of 22 years. I decided to get a gym membership and a friend introduced me to this Ketogenic diet.

        I focused on ME, I worked out, I ran my dogs more, I bonded with my step son despite the failed marriage, and I lost over 18 lbs in just a couple months. The confidence of her not breaking my spirit on a daily basis is astounding! Some things I've noticed in the last 3 years however, are troubling, and also giving me hope.

        I might be way off base, and maybe this only applies to my age group, but here's what I've noticed since re entering the dating pool.

        In the last 3 years I've dated 4 women, all around my age (55), one of them I am still seeing, the other 3 I am not. Sorry if this is a long story, but I always noticed with my ex wife that she didn't really pay attention to stuff, in general, like situational awareness, etc. So for some examples, if I enter a room and my partner says their knee hurts, I might ask if they need anything while I'm up. She just doesn't, ever, not even once. If I asked her to pay a bill, she'd forget by the next day. If I taught her how to operate the wood stove 18 thousand times, she'd still not remember it, and after the 18thousand and first time, she'd say "I get it!" all snappy, yet not remember the next time. She would forget to put oil in her car, or put gas in, I'd almost always find her vehicle in some inoperable state of disarray that was 100% preventable. I'd teach her how to pump gas, she'd forget by the next time we went out, I could actually see it in her eyes, the confusion and realizing she wasn't faking it, she really did not remember how. She'd forget events, most memories, I'd say "remember last year where we put the Tarps in the garage, it's by those..." and she'd say "we have tarps?" YES, WE DO, I WATCHED YOU PUT THEM THERE.

        At one point we thought she had a tumor, or a brain cancer, because it REALLY was an issue, she would forget to pay a bill, and when I pointed out that we got, and she OPENED personally, multiple "Shutoff" notices, she'd look completely confused.

        I could basically watch a movie with her, and a few weeks later watch it again, and she'd say she had never seen it before, same with books, same with basically anything. She'd make a recipe and realize the temperature was too high, mention "Next time I'll cook it lower!" and then next time burn it again, and go through the whole "It was too hot!" realization process.

        I bought her a toy that she had been begging me for, a K'nex kit, you know, that little kids play with. So they are pretty basic, but each time she pulls it out, I have to re teach her how they snap together, yet she holds a job, has friends, drives a vehicle, etc... She's a professional to boot, she is a counselor of sorts, in a very stressful and demanding job, and does her job NO PROBLEM, never forgets ANYTHING. So, after 20 years of DB with her I finally pulled the plug, and back to the present, have dated 4 new women in the last few years. One of them was NOT a DB type of woman. I took her fly fishing last month, she picked it up in one day, ONE DAY, we went out the next weekend she still remembered how to tie a knot, was excited to be there, and ACTUALLY had absorbed all the information I gave to her about fish habitats and where they might be hiding, like she was repeating my own phrases back to me and smiling and having fun.

        I taught her how to use my woodstove (typical woodstove) and she started a fire with it the next morning. The other 3 women were the opposite, just like my ex wife, I would teach them how to use my coffee maker, and by the next day it was "Can you make coffee? I can't figure it out!"

        I actually kinda lost my temper a bit with one of them, and said soemthing very rude and unlike me, "Do you pay attention EVER or is this just how you are?"

        She acted like I had just dropped salt in a wound, she broke down, and basically said that it had been an issue in all her relationships, that she just didn't see the world how most people do, that stuff that is easy for most people is really hard for her, and yada yada. I pointed out that it's funny because things SHE likes, she has no problem remembering them, or self teaching, or growing, or you know, paying attention.

        I apologized and we decided it was best to go our separate ways, so over the next year I date two more women, both are the same, both can't pay attention, I can tell them stuff, they don't remember it 10 minutes later. I eventually lose my temper on them too, again, and say stuff like "Have you ever attempted, um, maybe, trying to pay attention?" and they both did the same, almost instantly melted down into sobbing and saying "All men say this to me, I'm just not like other women!" etc etc.

        I have noticed with my new girlfriend, the one that actually pays attention, that it seems to transfer into all kinds of other areas of our lives, she pays bills without me having to beg her to, she uses the correct account, she cancelled our yard trimmers and informed me that she likes using Lawn Mowers and will mow the lawn as an enjoyable thing she likes to do. She took my car to the shop and had it fixed without even asking me, she just seems to get it, like, she thinks...

        Now here's where I might be going off a tangent, but I REALLY really don't think so, and sure there's gonna be a few people saying "I don't think those things are connected..." but here's why I think you're wrong. Paying attention is one of the most critically important things you can do for your partner, besides it's ability to keep you both on the same page, it also creates a communication platform, you know, like when I would get mad at the stove, if it was burning funny, IF my wife had ANY clue how stoves worked, she could have said "I hate when the cold air pushes the smoke back down." Instead, she was just running around the house like a, excuse my french, idiot going "Why is this happening?!?!" despite me having explained it to her countless times. People that don't pay attention to things that can KILL you if mishandled, are certainly not going to pay ANY attention to your personal needs, think about it, they don't even care enough to make sure you don't suffocate in your sleep. My current SO loves intimacy, we have sex probably once a week at least, this is UNHEARD of for me, the previous 3 women, the other ones like my wife that refused to pay attention to anything around them, basically told me within a few weeks that "Sex just isn't that important to me, at this point in my life." When I asked them why it wasn't, they couldn't even give me an answer, they actually didn't even understand their own reasons, ie, they don't even pay attention to their own thoughts. That's terrifying!

        I just can't help but notice that in my dating experience, all of the LL people I dated, seemed to not pay attention to much other than their own short term desires and needs.

        I think that people who DO pay attention to stuff around them, and actually invest into relationships, and hobbies, and knowing information, they are the ones that are more likely to give you that same investment, because knowing stuff, and investing is part of what brings them fulfillment. Just food for thought, have a good day all.

        Apologies if this has been brought up before, and apologies if I'm way wrong, but I really think there's something to this. My step son has a really healthy relationship with his wife, and I noticed it with her too, she just pays attention, I teach her stuff that she actually remembers every time I see them, it feels so good to know they actually listen and pay attention, which makes me pursue a relationship with them, which in turn leads to them doing the same. I think these LL people, in a lot of cases, not all, are just bad at paying attention, hence why one partner is always standing there going "HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS!?" Because, they don't pay attention! HELLO!

        Update - I absolutely love how the top rated comment here is a girl "womansplaining" to me that this was all actually my fault for wanting my wife to know how to not kill us with the wood stove because "You're boring and you talk about man stuff so no wonder she ignored you." In essence saying I deserved it. Wow.. WOW... I have no words. This is the same type of thing that get's men called out for being selfish.

        [–]420KUSHBUSH 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        You poor, poor bastard

        My heart goes out to you. I wish you all the best and all the luck I can donate to you

        [–]UndergroundCEO 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        When someone makes a 28 paragraph post with no TL;DR

        [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 24 points25 points  (44 children)

        I call fake on this story. It reads like a comment bait creative writing exercise.

        Why would she confess? Because her therapist advised her to? Because she wanted it off her conscience? (lol).

        If the hypothetical woman had been adamant enough to continue an extramarital affair for 18 years without it getting on her conscience (lol), she wouldn't need a confession.

        The confession gained her nothing, and if ex husband had gone crazy with that information, it could have even damaged her reputation.

        tl,dr: bullshit

        [–]1empatheticapathetic 46 points47 points  (7 children)

        I'm sure she got a Fucking kick out of telling him. They may have recently passed some legal hurdle like finishing a divorce settlement or something and she can finally let him know what a cuck she made him without any possibly repercussion. Using the therapy breakthrough as a reason. Who knows, that's how it appeared to me.

        She built it up and got him really invested in what she was about to say and then let it all loose to maximum effect to watch him react. Probably the most passionate moment they ever had together.

        [–]tybyday 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        We’re all actors. I imagine she rehearsed that moment for years in her head. I’ll bet she poured everything she had into that moment of crushing his soul.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 5 points6 points  (3 children)

        made him without any possibly repercussion.

        The repercussion could have been the husband going on a social media smear campaign.

        But you could be right. Maybe the kick was worth the risk in her mind.

        [–]MusicSports 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        A girl at my college fucked half the male student body on campus then made a post on Instagram about how the people who "made up stories about her being a slut" are awful people. It got tons of female support. A man trying to smear a girl on social media might be even more impossible than doing it in person. He'd just get buried in pussy beam copyright Patrice O'Neal.

        [–]juliusstreicher 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        The repercussion could have been the husband going on a social media smear campaign.

        I doubt that; she probably had him pegged as a high level faggot who would collapse...which is what happened.

        [–]Losingsteamfast 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        why would she confess,

        1) Guilt. "If i confess and say sorry then I'm no longer the bad guy. That was the old me that cheated so it doesnt really count anymore."

        2) The important part- She assumed he was also cheating. It probably wasnt a geniune confession/apology as much as it was a way to make herself feel better about her shitty behavior by finding out what he did.

        If it was fake I don't think he would paint himself as such a weak person and then end the story with his his new girlfriend also explaining how she either has cheated or will cheat eventually.

        Take it for what it worth but I've had an ex gf confess shit to me post break up too.

        [–]1empatheticapathetic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        They express on the condition that the guy falls apart and they justify that it was acceptable because he was a beta and he was worth nothing.

        [–]naturallykurious 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        She probably didn’t need him anymore after he was done raising the kids and shit.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 6 points7 points  (3 children)

          True. But nothing in the story suggests she needed to keep him out.

          [–]rockstarsheep 17 points18 points  (8 children)

          You underestimate people, friend, because a conscience is a heavy burden to carry, even for a dial-a-hoe.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 17 points18 points  (6 children)

          a conscience is a heavy burden to carry

          For you, probably. Because you're most likely a young man, and you've been taught that your value rests in part in how honorable and truthful you are, and that "a man is as good as his word".

          Those things don't apply to women.

          [–]rockstarsheep 9 points10 points  (5 children)

          It has been a long time since anyone called me a young man :)

          Professionally and personally I have seen people unburden themselves of some pretty dire confessions of their past behaviours.

          I cannot categorically say that all women are x,y and z. As I cannot say that for men, either. There are tendencies; most certainly.

          I will say this, and maybe it's generational, I do feel for guys in their 20's. It's savage out there. I recently talked to a 24 year old woman, and all the CC hallmarks etc. it was just textbook TRP. Silently I thought to myself; "Thank god, this is not my life!"

          [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 2 points3 points  (4 children)

          Professionally and personally I have seen people unburden themselves of some pretty dire confessions of their past behaviours.

          I have yet to meet a woman past her twenties who would feel guilty about anything involving her sex life.

          Young girls, yes, they might still sometimes feel traces of shame, because their childhood conditioning is still working.

          But anything over 25 is just pure hamstering and straight up lies.

          [–]Zenitco 5 points6 points  (12 children)

          The same reason why some people do confession; to absolve themselves of guilt.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 16 points17 points  (11 children)

          Women are never guilty of anything, it's always the man's fault, either directly or indirectly ("you made me do this").

          Guilt and responsibility are things women just don't do.

          [–]Zenitco 5 points6 points  (7 children)

          What? I know a lot of women who become religious later in life then try to absolve themselves of their past sins. From the story, it appears the woman is in her 40s or 50s. You see this a lot with pornographic "actresses" when they get older and out of the business too.

          [–]1empatheticapathetic 5 points6 points  (6 children)

          Because their SMV has expired. Cmon man...

          [–]Zenitco 3 points4 points  (5 children)

          No shit. I don't think what I'm talking about has been touched upon in depth. As a woman gets older, she becomes more aware of her own mortality. They attempt to absolve themselves of guilt because they have to. It's essentially "alpha fucks, beta bux" but spiritually. "Soft" religion in degenerate society allows this.

          [–]1scissor_me_timbers00 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Na most women do have a conscience, but they are just really good at hamstering it away when it doesn't suit their biological imperatives.

          Probably without realizing it she was acting out the perfect AF/BB female need. Biological dad was still her "alpha" but she needed to find a provider for her kids so she found this poor guy to extract resources from. And this biological need to find providership for her offspring was enough to override the conscience, probably via some ridiculous female "journey" narrative a la Eat Pray Love or some other chicklit BS hamster fuel.

          However, once the biological imperative is fulfilled (i.e. kids grown), it no longer drives the massive rationalizing machine that was needed to cuck this guy. So the conscience is no longer outweighed. Cue therapist and her making the "breakthrough".

          [–]MichaelKarlPopper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          She had nothing to lose at that point (whatever it is) and decided to take it out of her chest. It doesn't have to be anything in return, pure selfish behavior as as you can expect.

          [–]quityourbullshit777[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Here is the post the OP made a week before which I think makes it unlikely it was just a creative writing exercise made up on a spur:

          To people who don't believe this post, here is the post the OP made a week before:

          This might be wrong but I noticed something in the last couple of years.

          Basically I came here for advice, and eventually decided to get a divorce with my then 56LL wife of 22 years. I decided to get a gym membership and a friend introduced me to this Ketogenic diet.

          I focused on ME, I worked out, I ran my dogs more, I bonded with my step son despite the failed marriage, and I lost over 18 lbs in just a couple months. The confidence of her not breaking my spirit on a daily basis is astounding! Some things I've noticed in the last 3 years however, are troubling, and also giving me hope.

          I might be way off base, and maybe this only applies to my age group, but here's what I've noticed since re entering the dating pool.

          In the last 3 years I've dated 4 women, all around my age (55), one of them I am still seeing, the other 3 I am not. Sorry if this is a long story, but I always noticed with my ex wife that she didn't really pay attention to stuff, in general, like situational awareness, etc. So for some examples, if I enter a room and my partner says their knee hurts, I might ask if they need anything while I'm up. She just doesn't, ever, not even once. If I asked her to pay a bill, she'd forget by the next day. If I taught her how to operate the wood stove 18 thousand times, she'd still not remember it, and after the 18thousand and first time, she'd say "I get it!" all snappy, yet not remember the next time. She would forget to put oil in her car, or put gas in, I'd almost always find her vehicle in some inoperable state of disarray that was 100% preventable. I'd teach her how to pump gas, she'd forget by the next time we went out, I could actually see it in her eyes, the confusion and realizing she wasn't faking it, she really did not remember how. She'd forget events, most memories, I'd say "remember last year where we put the Tarps in the garage, it's by those..." and she'd say "we have tarps?" YES, WE DO, I WATCHED YOU PUT THEM THERE.

          At one point we thought she had a tumor, or a brain cancer, because it REALLY was an issue, she would forget to pay a bill, and when I pointed out that we got, and she OPENED personally, multiple "Shutoff" notices, she'd look completely confused.

          I could basically watch a movie with her, and a few weeks later watch it again, and she'd say she had never seen it before, same with books, same with basically anything. She'd make a recipe and realize the temperature was too high, mention "Next time I'll cook it lower!" and then next time burn it again, and go through the whole "It was too hot!" realization process.

          I bought her a toy that she had been begging me for, a K'nex kit, you know, that little kids play with. So they are pretty basic, but each time she pulls it out, I have to re teach her how they snap together, yet she holds a job, has friends, drives a vehicle, etc... She's a professional to boot, she is a counselor of sorts, in a very stressful and demanding job, and does her job NO PROBLEM, never forgets ANYTHING. So, after 20 years of DB with her I finally pulled the plug, and back to the present, have dated 4 new women in the last few years. One of them was NOT a DB type of woman. I took her fly fishing last month, she picked it up in one day, ONE DAY, we went out the next weekend she still remembered how to tie a knot, was excited to be there, and ACTUALLY had absorbed all the information I gave to her about fish habitats and where they might be hiding, like she was repeating my own phrases back to me and smiling and having fun.

          I taught her how to use my woodstove (typical woodstove) and she started a fire with it the next morning. The other 3 women were the opposite, just like my ex wife, I would teach them how to use my coffee maker, and by the next day it was "Can you make coffee? I can't figure it out!"

          I actually kinda lost my temper a bit with one of them, and said soemthing very rude and unlike me, "Do you pay attention EVER or is this just how you are?"

          She acted like I had just dropped salt in a wound, she broke down, and basically said that it had been an issue in all her relationships, that she just didn't see the world how most people do, that stuff that is easy for most people is really hard for her, and yada yada. I pointed out that it's funny because things SHE likes, she has no problem remembering them, or self teaching, or growing, or you know, paying attention.

          I apologized and we decided it was best to go our separate ways, so over the next year I date two more women, both are the same, both can't pay attention, I can tell them stuff, they don't remember it 10 minutes later. I eventually lose my temper on them too, again, and say stuff like "Have you ever attempted, um, maybe, trying to pay attention?" and they both did the same, almost instantly melted down into sobbing and saying "All men say this to me, I'm just not like other women!" etc etc.

          I have noticed with my new girlfriend, the one that actually pays attention, that it seems to transfer into all kinds of other areas of our lives, she pays bills without me having to beg her to, she uses the correct account, she cancelled our yard trimmers and informed me that she likes using Lawn Mowers and will mow the lawn as an enjoyable thing she likes to do. She took my car to the shop and had it fixed without even asking me, she just seems to get it, like, she thinks...

          Now here's where I might be going off a tangent, but I REALLY really don't think so, and sure there's gonna be a few people saying "I don't think those things are connected..." but here's why I think you're wrong. Paying attention is one of the most critically important things you can do for your partner, besides it's ability to keep you both on the same page, it also creates a communication platform, you know, like when I would get mad at the stove, if it was burning funny, IF my wife had ANY clue how stoves worked, she could have said "I hate when the cold air pushes the smoke back down." Instead, she was just running around the house like a, excuse my french, idiot going "Why is this happening?!?!" despite me having explained it to her countless times. People that don't pay attention to things that can KILL you if mishandled, are certainly not going to pay ANY attention to your personal needs, think about it, they don't even care enough to make sure you don't suffocate in your sleep. My current SO loves intimacy, we have sex probably once a week at least, this is UNHEARD of for me, the previous 3 women, the other ones like my wife that refused to pay attention to anything around them, basically told me within a few weeks that "Sex just isn't that important to me, at this point in my life." When I asked them why it wasn't, they couldn't even give me an answer, they actually didn't even understand their own reasons, ie, they don't even pay attention to their own thoughts. That's terrifying!

          I just can't help but notice that in my dating experience, all of the LL people I dated, seemed to not pay attention to much other than their own short term desires and needs.

          I think that people who DO pay attention to stuff around them, and actually invest into relationships, and hobbies, and knowing information, they are the ones that are more likely to give you that same investment, because knowing stuff, and investing is part of what brings them fulfillment. Just food for thought, have a good day all.

          Apologies if this has been brought up before, and apologies if I'm way wrong, but I really think there's something to this. My step son has a really healthy relationship with his wife, and I noticed it with her too, she just pays attention, I teach her stuff that she actually remembers every time I see them, it feels so good to know they actually listen and pay attention, which makes me pursue a relationship with them, which in turn leads to them doing the same. I think these LL people, in a lot of cases, not all, are just bad at paying attention, hence why one partner is always standing there going "HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS!?" Because, they don't pay attention! HELLO!

          Update - I absolutely love how the top rated comment here is a girl "womansplaining" to me that this was all actually my fault for wanting my wife to know how to not kill us with the wood stove because "You're boring and you talk about man stuff so no wonder she ignored you." In essence saying I deserved it. Wow.. WOW... I have no words. This is the same type of thing that get's men called out for being selfish.

          [–]tybyday 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          He’s not totally destroyed until she tells him.

          [–]EugWill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Agreed Confessions about the most mundane issues are not truthful and still have twisted facts, let alone something like this.

          [–]ohohohoholol 2 points3 points  (4 children)

          Why do you guys think this guy fucked up? Or where specifically?

          [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Listening to what a woman says.

          [–]barredspiral 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          Why would she say the reason is that you are better than her? Is it just a lie to try to make you feel better?

          [–]truedemocracy3 2 points3 points  (8 children)

          Good god. There are a ton of lessons in this post. The rationalizing on her end ("I thought I wasn't good enough for you") which is bullshit. The fact that the guy thinks doing everything for her kids is sexy and earning love, that one is a hard pill to swallow for many. Hell I would not be surprised if the divorce was AFTER the kids turned 18 just so she can drain him of resources before kicking him to the curb. That she still had feelings for the biological father which is almost evolutionary at this point. And of course his new girlfriend rationalizing that away. Also, him telling his girlfriend about the ex wife. If his gf wasn't attracted to him before she sure as hell wont be now that she learns how quickly this wife pulled a fast one on him.

          Some lessons for the newly initiated here:

          1. If you are single and with no kids NEVER date a woman with children. There are many reasons for this. Mainly that the fact she is single and has a kid is a red flag to begin with - what happened to the guy? Is she from a divorce (RED FLAG). Was the kid out of wedlock from an accident (RED FLAG). You also have to factor in that not only will you have an extra life to consider with her, but you have two - both her kids AND her kids biological father who at the very best case is a swell guy who minds his own business but still competes for the love of the kids (and the kids will almost always deep down favor the biological dad). The ONLY time I would consider dating a woman with kids is if you also are single and with kids and thus it's a shared experience OR you are old enough that her kids are adults themselves and you don't have to pay for their shenanigans.

          2. Be alert. Stay vigilant. Take what you want. A MARRIED woman or a girlfriend saying 'be patient' about sex is a massive red flag. If that's the case instead of saying 'ok sweetie' work on yourself, kick her to the curb if you must, and at the very least start questioning what could be driving this behavior. Yes the guy is the victim here but he is losing out to a deadbeat, not an alpha doctor, so I almost guarantee the OP is a complete schlub.

          3. Don't break frame with the new gf. If you come to a girlfriend talking about a past breakup how you were cheated on for YEARS she will lose all respect for you. Yes, in an ideal world as your partner she would be sympathetic and I'm sure she is, but her attraction would go out the window. Of course in this situation you likely cant get away with lying but a simple "when we were married she had a moment of weakness and slept with her ex and just now told me. I told her to never contact me again" could save face, but there is no real alpha answer to getting cucked that bad.

          4. If you are going to date a single mother make damn well sure you are higher SMV than the ex in BOTH looks and status. Yea he is a deadbeat blue collar alcoholic and you are an accountant, guess what to most girls you are the catch but to her that is an already set up AF/BB dichotomy. I GUARANTEE you that this guy is worse looking or more out of shape than the ex. You cant beat EVERY boyfriend a girl has had, that's often unreasonable especially if you date high value women. But if you're dating someone who has a former husband, fiancé, super LTR she maintains contact with, etc. then be sure you can kick his ass and that she knows it.

          Interested to hear other thoughts but those things jumped off the page at me

          [–]imdar3ald3al 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I feel bad for the guy but it astounds me to think how badly his blue pill conditioning prevented him from figuring it out earlier.

          [–]mishasam89 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          "because I was "Too good" for her, and that she never thought I actually loved her."

          Can someone explain WTF this means?

          [–]juliusstreicher 7 points8 points  (3 children)

          Not only was he BPed, to which we all have probably fallen victim, but, he fucking cries to his new gf about it! Now, THAT is sad.

          [–]IsolatedBag 13 points14 points  (0 children)

          It’s a good thing he did though! He wouldn’t have figured out that AWALT! This guy needed that double whammy of reality

          [–]LandoChronus 3 points4 points  (3 children)

          Not that this takes anything away from the post, but it has been posted here before.

          [–]1empatheticapathetic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I wonder how the December 17 discussion compares to the previous one.

          [–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          This dude isn't an AFC. He's a WAY below average FC.

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