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Red Pill Theory5 ways to improve your presence, with examples (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by beachbloke

Short: Presence is an ephemeral term that can mean a lot of different things to different people. What I'm talking about in this post is "the glow". "The glow" is when someone enters a room and you immediately know there is something special about that person. Bill Clinton has this effect. He doesn't need to speak a word for you to know he is someone special. Presence is something you can learn and create. A large part of acting is creating presence. This post is some meta based on my own experience for creating "the glow" in every day life.

Long: Ultimately presence and "the glow" in my opinion is just the set of body language that hints at power. People pay attention to powerful people because they don't want responsibility. So ultimately presence is when someone is used to leading and it shows. I think presence manifests itself in different ways depending on the type of leader a man is.

Women like people with presence because women are attracted to power.

The list below is some actionable ways to improve your presence. They are basically ways to stretch your leadership muscles. As your leadership confidence grows, you will naturally gain presence.

1 - Own your flaws and mistakes

Explanation: This is number one because it is very easy and is a strong sign of a leader. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Leaders know this, and are especially aware of their own flaws and mistakes, but have forgiven themselves for them and have accepted that their blemishes are an important part of their ultimately triumphant story. This is basically "agree and amplify" except in your whole life.

Example: A very easy way to become the defacto leader of a group is when there is an issue, to take responsibility for the problem and fix it. For instance lets say your boss says at a meeting, "Look guys this is a big issue that we can't have happen again, I need to know what happened." An easy response is "Boss, I know what happened. This is my fault. I should have made sure it was checked more often, and I'm going to starting today." I like to think of this as "responsibility vacuuming". You're basically covering everyone else by assuming the blame. However, because no one blamed you there is no social stigma attached -- instead it is only positive socially because you are taking care of a problem everyone was worried about. In addition to getting social brownie points, you are now the leader of a process and have the responsibility to delegate to other people. This thought process is only possible when you are comfortable being the one at fault. So own as many mistakes as you can, except if they are being directed at you as attacks (and even then it is sometimes a good decision to own them).

2 - Create a strong internal identity

Explanation: The strength of your internal compass is a good indication of your presence. When you feel entitled to things that most people don't, it is visible as presence.

Example: The exercise I recommend for disassociating your identity from the way people react to you is dressing differently. Think of a crowd of people you feel uncomfortable around. For example, when I was growing up I wasn't comfortable around rednecks. Do a google image search for that group and go buy clothes that mimic what you see. For instance, for me it would be a camo T-shirt, john deere hat, and dickies jeans. Now wear this outfit around for a day and experience how differently people perceive you. The point of this exercise isn't to be someone you're not, it is to open yourself up to the idea that the real you is hidden from the world. The facade you call yourself isn't the real you. The way people react to you isn't based on who you are either, people react to you based on what they see. People can't always see the real you, so you should never be concerned if people think poorly of you in any situation. They can't know.

3 - Speak at full volume and at your own pace

Explanation: This is one you've probably seen before but I want to explain it differently than I've seen it explained. Leaders speak slowly because they don't care if someone will talk over them. People don't speak over leaders because they don't want to be socially stigmatized. So think about your speech and speak it at your own pace. Don't worry if someone speaks over you. You can always speak over them or unfortunately let them make an ass of themself. As far as volume, the right volume is as loud as you get without using extra breath.

Example: I am literally linguistically retarded in some kind of Aspergersy way -- I couldn't read well until the 4th or 5th grade. So for me this goes back to the first example in owning my flaws. When I'm speaking to someone my mental thought process is "I am kind of retarded in speaking, so this is just the way I speak". When I'm speaking I spend all the time I need thinking about what to say and say it at a speed I won't stutter or stumble at. While this is just my personal limitation, people also know I just DGAF what they think. The person I'm speaking to typically becomes submissive and does what I want, even fairly alpha dudes. One exercise that may help you if you have trouble with volume is to sing as loud as you can as often as you can (in the car, in the shower, etc). I've found cranking the volume in my car to max and singing as loud as I can naturally raised my vocal volume over time.

4 - Visualize your personal space

Explanation: Have you ever been at a movie theater and felt uncomfortable bumping elbows with the person next to you? If you are the one who "retreats" and puts your elbows off the arm rest, you probably have a small personal space. People who have presence have very large personal spaces. However, the point shouldn't be to "win the armrest" -- someone with presence definitely won't battle over the armrest. The reason is they simply don't care if you're touching elbows because you are part of their personal space -- in other words in their mind they own you (as though you were a part of their body), so to them touching elbows doesn't feel awkward, its actually quite pleasant.

Example: Visualize your personal space as a bubble right now. If you are in a room you own you will probably have a fairly large bubble. The next time you go out into the public visualize your bubble. If you are socially awkward, your bubble will be right up against your body. Make an effort to visualize your bubble as being bigger and bigger. Make an effort to relax in your personal space that you carry with you. Its your place and you get to make the rules there. Eventually, you can extend your bubble to the entire room or maybe the whole world. Eventually you may start viewing people in your personal bubble as "your" people. These people in your space are your people so you don't need to worry about them. In fact you want them to thrive because they are as much a part of you as your left big toe. When you get this perspective you will be okay touching strangers and your main concern when speaking to a new person will be making them feel good. This is what it feels like to have very high level presence like Bill Clinton.

5 - Do what you want

Explanation: This is a cornerstone of TRP. Being confident is a big part of attracting women and this gets reiterated over and over. People with presence are confident, so they also do this.

Example: One way to stretch your "do what you want" muscle is to go to a bar and watch the TV and talk to no one. At a bar its uncommon for someone to do nothing, so you will probably get attention for not being social. Figure out the rest yourself based on what you want. Don't be surprised if a woman or three accidentally bumps into you.

Takeaways: Presence is a mindset you can learn that people notice and respect. Remember: 1) Own your flaws and mistakes 2) Create a strong internal identity 3) Speak at full volume and at your own pace 4) Visualize your personal space 5) Do what you want.


[–]NolanHarlow 87 points88 points  (35 children)

For #3, one thought: Don't focus on being loud. Focus on projecting. People who are loud are often irritating. People who project their voice do so in a manner that cuts through side conversations, gets attention focused on them, and commands attention and respect.

To be clear, you can't be quiet and project...it requires adequate volume. But focusing on projection will get you where you want to be a lot faster and more effectively than just going for volume.

[–]j33tAy 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Very easy to practice projection with a friend. Stand about 10 yards apart and have a conversation.

You're not allowed to yell. Focus on:

Good eye contact

Slow, deliberate speech

Using your stomach and diaphragm muscles

Take a breath between natural conversation pauses

[–]mrp_1844 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Good eye contact

I have alwas struggled with this. I don't know why.

Its just something I forget to do.

[–]j33tAy 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It requires conscious effort to start out changing your body language. Remember the levels of learning:

Unconcious incompetence

Concious incompetence

Concious competence

Unconcious competence

You're at stage 2. Keep working on it. Keep struggling because it will force you to push yourself. Effort leads to repetition leads to habit.

[–]maniclurker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Myself, as well. I've started intentionally staring at people right in the face. When they look at me, I consciously continue staring. They will look away very quickly 90% of time. I'm not sure, but I think it has to do with the perception that visual contact can generate conflict. I can only speak to my experience as an American. I've heard in other cultures, like in Germany, it's not considered agitating to do so, and pretty much everyone does it.

I've noticed it has really affected the way I interact with people in a positive way.

Another thing I've really started working on is my handshake. I make sure to get palm to palm, with a firm grip. Look in the eye, do your introductions, etc. Bonding shit. I do not hesitate to correct the grip of someone else if they give me a weak handshake, ie gripping fingers, slack, odd angles, etc. I've noticed my interactions with other men have improved because of that, as well. People are more candid and relaxed with you if you're direct and open with them.

[–]BasicBeginner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a workout similar to planking. Just keep at it and really focus on it with every conversation.

[–]dark_kniggit 5 points6 points  (6 children)

In addition to rhetoric, voice modulation was a cornerstone of public speaking training in ancient Rome.

British people are way more skilled at this than North Americans. If you have friends from England pay close attention to their use of voice.

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      [–]dark_kniggit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Yeah, but jerks can usually be one upped. Start throwing substance or content behind the tools and you can knock them out.

      You see a lot of irrelevant tedious Brits who still have this tool. It's good shit busting practice to take them down.

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        [–]dark_kniggit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Of course. The generalization wasn't meant to be an absolute. It's just to say that it's a skillset one runs into commonly.

        If a person has the opportunity to travel in England, or travel abroad with significant numbers of Brits, it's a quality they'll have opportunity to watch and learn from.

        [–]ElCthuluIncognito 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Would you say that included in this is shutting down people attempting to interrupt you? I. E. maintain your volume and cadence even if someone else starts speaking (so long as you were still talking of course)

        [–]NolanHarlow 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Aggressively shutting down someone who interrupts you is unquestionably a power move. Which means its critical to do on occasion, but a card that needs to be played wisely. Sometimes someone interrupts because you're rambling, or you started to change the conversation and it wasn't ready to depart from the current topic, or they didn't hear you, or any number of things. And sometimes its in a setting where people interrupting is a very natural thing (a brainstorming session at work).

        Proceed with caution with the very alpha "assertive" recapture of the conversation. Which is what I would recommend. The problem with maintaining your volume and cadence is that it becomes a game of chicken...like two assholes on TV talking over each other. Who's willing to talk over the other the longest? (hint: it doesn't matter. both people look like assholes and observers forget who interrupted who.)

        Give folks the benefit of the doubt in most cases. But when you do move to shut down the interrupter, be firm, confident, and nonchalant about it. And be ready to escalate to defend your position and let them know they're being a rude fuck if required.

        [–]ElCthuluIncognito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Thanks for the thorough advice. It's apparent how much it depends on the situation, and the necessary emphasis on how it may be perceived rather than how one feels in the moment.

        [–]aanarchist 4 points5 points  (12 children)

        i project by animating my body when i speak, like using my hands etc, is that bad or good.

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          [–]unicorn-carousel 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Careful with engaged audiences. Sometimes a person fires me up about something I'm working on and a few people circle around and listen. In those situations I'm clearly high status, but using animated movement can help keep the audience engaged. I also ask affirmative questions of the audience, which a high status person probably wouldn't do (because it's not required, alpha doesn't waste energy /s).

          Being animated and engaging the audience is high status if it's consistent with your persona, I can say my own not being animated hurts when engaging my audience. I'm short but kinda built so people can be intimidated if I don't show that I'm not pissed and intense (funny to me).

          As a rule for unengaged audiences, animation is probably bad. But careful because in my experience speaking, I think it hurts to be a stone for an engaged audience or can disengage them.

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                [–]wiseprogressivethink 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                Depends on whether or not you're Italian. ;)

                [–]Overzealous_BlackGuy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                Also, Speak with the diaphragm. It may feel exhausting at first but its okay. Taking the time to answer on your own schedule also exerts power, during this time catch your breath if needed

                [–]Blesss 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                how is this done/practiced?

                [–]MazeMouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Take a few singing lessons (preferably classical singing). Much of that technique comes from the diaphragm and as soon as you have that down it translates quite well to just talking.
                Singing is very much about projecting and not being loud (loud ruins vocal cords, projecting does not)

                [–]omnicidial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I think it's more a combination of pace and tone, and you learn that from hearing yourself more than anything, which people are ignoring.

                Microphone practice or listening to yourself on recording gives better vocal tone and control faster than anything.

                [–]lxnarratorxl 57 points58 points  (5 children)

                One now the better posts I've seen here in awhile. Thanks for taking the time to remind us or teach us something important to success as a man today.

                [–]Physio_Tool 33 points34 points  (4 children)

                You mean a post with theory and a practical element that isn't just a vitriolic rant about how slutty bitches have gotten? What a novel concept. Completely agree. Loved this post and I hope we start seeing more like it.

                [–]taco_roco 20 points21 points  (2 children)

                This sub is at its best when it focuses on positive male roles and strategies

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Couldn't agree more. I know it sucks going through that anger stage but there's only so many times you can read those posts before they all blur together. It's cathartic to them I suppose, but not very helpful from a self-improvement standpoint, which is why I stay subbed.

                [–]taco_roco 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I think many people go through that stage of being angry at the world, and focusing it on the group we feel has wronged us, but it easily becomes a crutch if you don't grow out of it.

                I come here specifically for self-improvement as well. I would prefer it if this sub steered itself away from all the fluff pieces about SJWs and sluts

                [–]Electric_Romeo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                As if bitches getting slutty was inherently a bad thing. Bitches getting slutty means men get sex. It's only a bad thing if they are not getting slutty with you.

                Just don't marry them and don't get them pregnant.

                [–]HeinousFu_kery 13 points14 points  (2 children)

                Numbers three and four (projecting voice and using space) are essential acting skills. I teach some presentation skills to students and part of that is finding your "stage voice" (rather than just being loud) and using your space in a conscious way rather than milling about.

                There are plenty of videos, pages and books on this, but sometimes talking to a voice coach/singing instructor for half an hour can turn out to be the best money you spend - it was for me.

                If you want to take the leap and go to an acting class that's a bigger commitment but it can help a lot too. You may never make it to Broadway, but you'll be less afraid of speaking in public and learn how to work space and voice rather than just letting happen.

                TL;DR some of these things are taught by pros and it can be helpful and even fun to work with them.

                Edit: Yes, you can meet chicks there too, but most of them are an even higher quantum level of crazy/narcissistic/manipulative...be gone by sunup.

                [–]Blesss 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                any good links to videos about voice projection?

                [–]HeinousFu_kery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                There are a lot of them (search "stage voice" on YouTube) - this is pretty good one about breathing:

                https://youtu.be/ynmemxQicQk

                Note that she starts by urging working with a voice coach and explaining how bad you can get if you just use your throat to try and get louder rather than your whole body. It's the latter that got me into it years ago because I was getting hoarse lecturing to a large classroom.

                The other thing to do is to find your "radio voice" the pitch that your voice is best at. Again, search YouTube ("find your radio voice") comes up with a lot of these, but it's where the coach really helps because it's a little hard to explain what they're after. This is a pretty good explanation though

                http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/11/13/masculine-voice/

                For me it was about half a note higher than my usual speaking voice - not much of a change, and certainly not high pitched, but once you find it you can be incredibly loud/projected for an hour or so and never get hoarse - wonderful.

                I'm lucky in that the music building is a block away and is full of starving music teachers, but I bet you could find something.

                [–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                Projecting your voice when necessary, or yelling (long distance or in noisy environment) displays confidence. Only a confident person would risk having the entire room believe what they're saying is a mistake.

                [–]sunfistkid 5 points6 points  (5 children)

                Interestingly, I've learned a lot of these lessons by watching my 3 year old daughter. Unfortunately, I've let life beat many of these concepts out of me, until I started integrating many of the things I've learned here and by being a dad to my little girl.

                [–]trptwerp 2 points3 points  (4 children)

                How ironic. Please describe the learning process.

                [–]sunfistkid 12 points13 points  (3 children)

                She clearly has a strong identity, projects her voice to be heard, controls her personal space and is just a super confident person, even at her young age. Certainly some of it is just her being a toddler, but IMO there's a large component of her essential self that informs her just doing her own thing and she DGAF if people follow her or not (and normally she draws a crowd so clearly her energy is magnetic). It wasn't until my marriage started crumbling and ultimately lead to a separation that I realized I had been seeking approval from my STBXW and others to my own detriment. I'm not there yet, but I'm a lot further down the road to being a fully integrated male and I have her energy to thank as being a huge catalyst to my own process. It's hubris to think we can't learn from children as well as vice versa. Even the stupidest things like being frustrated at traffic has gotten better when she says simply to me, "daddy don't be frustrated, traffic is nice." While traffic obviously isn't the best thing in the world, my reaction to it can either enhance my day (by teaching me to be present and thankful when shit gets hard) or destroy it (by wallowing in basic mundane bullshit)...as a small example.

                [–]unicorn-carousel 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                "daddy don't be frustrated, traffic is nice."

                Traffic is nice. If you leave with enough time to account for it, you fucking chill and listen to some classical music. If you don't account for it you're gonna have a rough time... you're accounting for it, right? :). Part 2 is laughing at everyone else being worked up, because they're not on top of their own shit and getting all emotional while you chill. Little girl sounds like a blessing! Congrats on STBx and sounds like custody.

                [–]sunfistkid 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                My little is a blessing. My frustrations with traffic are more about not being comfortable in my own skin enough to realize that the blue route takes you through some of the most gorgeous terrain in the US. These car trips have also allowed me to introduce my girl to punk rock, which she now loudly requests the second we get in my car. She's not jammin out to roots radicals in the car with her mother, I can tell you that!

                [–]therhymerr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This vacations useless these white pills aren't kind I've given a lot of thought on this thirteen hour drive

                [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (6 children)

                Excellent post.

                Although your example for 1. could backfire depending on the circumstances

                "Boss, I know what happened. This is my fault. I should have made sure it was checked more often, and I'm going to starting today." I like to think of this as "responsibility vacuuming"

                Don't do that as a contractor or you'll end up vacuuming everyone's shit with zero return.

                [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

                I don't take the blame, just the responsibility for fixing it, especially if it wasn't my fault. So a better response would be "Boss, we don't know how this situation came about but I'll start checking as soon as we finish this meeting and I'll get the problem fixed."

                [–]clonegreen 13 points14 points  (2 children)

                I do this a lot at work. Even if it's a mistake I committed, I'll never say sorry or try to explain unless I'm asked.

                All that's needed is "I'll get it done".

                No sense wasting time on what could have or should have been.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Isn't it more correct though to admit your mistake and then commit to resolving said mistake, especially when it's your boss you are talking to, because they enjoy the feeling of having power over you, so to them you're one of their loyal little robots they can eventually promote without worry of you abusing your future role?

                [–]clonegreen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                I would say this depends on the kind of boss you have.

                Some hate talking about the past and just want to have their version of correct. Others want you to admit fault so boost their ego.

                It's a fine balance that depends on the boss, you don't want to seem incompetent.

                [–]beachbloke[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Either works and its the idea that counts. Here is my reasoning for the way I phrased it: When it comes to fault I like anything with "I" in it because it shields your peers from blame and you aren't speaking for anyone else. By saying "we" some jackass might speak up with "No boss, we DO know what the problem is. Its blah blah blah." By saying "I" you are shielded from correction and jackass will look bad if he contradicts you because you are standing up for him by taking the blame.

                [–]GeneralDogsbody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                That's where you pipe in and take responsibility for finding solution without it looking like you're shirking or assigning blame.

                "There's clearly been a failure in the existing process, I'll take a look at it and come back to you with a recommendation on how we stop this from happening again"

                Edit : I should read other people's responses before posting — this point has been made below.

                [–]wiseprogressivethink 2 points3 points  (9 children)

                Can confirm that speaking loudly (certainly not shouting, but not mumbling or letting your words trail off as you finish a sentence) is a very easy and effective way to appear to be more alpha/confident.

                Years ago, I received a promotion where I would be interacting frequently with important people at businesses that our company had agreements with. I was nervous about the requirements of this new position, so I read a couple self-help books in this area. There was a lot of stuff I read that I either didn't use or that I tried to use but it didn't seem to be all that helpful, but speaking loudly and clearly was definitely a useful tip.

                Also, showing up at a bar alone and just watching the TV sounds sort of pathetic and can be a bit scary for the socially-awkward, but this also works. The people around you will mostly be buzzed, so their inhibitions will be lowered and they'll be in a good mood. People who are in a good mood and have lowered inhibitions are likely to strike up a friendly conversation with a stranger (in this case, you). Just make sure you have a reasonable backstory for why you are there ("I really wanted to watch the ballgame but I don't have cable and my buddies were busy tonight" works) and be friendly yourself. Even if nothing really comes of it, it can be good social/red pill practice.

                [–]GeneralDogsbody 2 points3 points  (8 children)

                As someone who often frequents bars whilst flying solo, I'm miffed as to why this would be considered awkward.

                Do I need a reason other than "I fancied a beer?" or "today's been a cunt of a day"

                [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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                  [–]GeneralDogsbody 2 points3 points  (4 children)

                  Really? That seems even more bizarre to me.

                  That's one if the beaut things about having a local, grab a beer, exchange a friendly nod with people you recognise, talk shit with the bar staff and make friends with the regulars.

                  Or just grab a drink and a perch at the bar with reddit, or the paper, or a book, or watch a game.

                  Sorry, I just don't get it.and I don't understand why people would judge you for it.

                  Isn't that what bars are for?

                  [–]JasonTheScientist -1 points0 points  (3 children)

                  Just curious but where do you live?

                  Sounds more like a UK thing.

                  [–]GeneralDogsbody 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                  I'm currently in Australia, but have lived all over the place — I don't consider this a particularly British or Australian concept.

                  [–]JasonTheScientist 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  Damn it I was going to edit my comment to include Australia but didn't bother! :(

                  I have an Aussie friend from Brisbane I think? Anyway, dude your bar culture is way different and far more social than American bar culture. I actually think Australian and UK bar culture is way better but do realize that it is different.

                  Edit: I'm from California so I'm mostly speaking from a west coast perspective. I think there might be a bar culture a bit more like yours on the East coast but still not to Aussie levels.

                  [–]GeneralDogsbody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Different, sure. But, I've spent a lot of time in the US and Canada and I still think you're overestimating the levels of awkwardness from heading to a bar alone.

                  [–]wiseprogressivethink 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  If you're British, it's maybe more culturally acceptable to just walk into a pub after work for a pint.

                  It's not considered freakish or anything to do it in the United States, but most of the times where I've done it and ended up chatting with people, the question has come up in some form. "Waiting for someone you're meeting here?" is one way it's asked.

                  [–]GeneralDogsbody 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  That just sounds like they're trying to strike up a conversation.

                  [–]1naMlliPdeR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  The dressing differently is very interesting. I noticed that when I started lifting weights and put on about a total of 60 pounds. People treated me differently, I felt like I was the same me, in an outfit, similarly to how you explain it. Good point. It's a great exercise.

                  The imagining of a personal bubble is genius. Great idea, especially for new members. Well said!

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  Very good tips and red pill advice. Thank you

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  Check out Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink. It has changed everything I do from work to relationships. Any time something gets fucked up related to me, I first ask what I could have done instead of assuming something from others. It calms my anger and teaches me a lesson for next time. As men, we can fully expect everyone else to let us down. With that ownership comes a freedom. We don't worry about what could go wrong and we feel less disappointment in others.

                  [–]AzzyMcGee 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  I invested a lot of time into training my voice, but it was severely damaged due to unexpected illness. I've come to terms with this, and now project my pressence with my body much more than I used to.

                  One of my shortcomings was I spoke too much, now I hardly speak at all, sometimes I wish to say something but don't, because I know my voice will crack.

                  The most I can really manage is a few short words at a time.

                  I've learned that silence is power as much as speaking when used correctly.

                  [–]Blesss 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  could you elaborate on how you trained your voice?

                  [–]AzzyMcGee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Singing, speaking, imitating my favorite standups, added up to hours every day. It was something i did without trying, something I did all the time because my dream was to be a public speaker. A comedian.

                  [–]Toxicbutt 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  "I am literally linguistically retarded in some kind of Aspergersy way" we've all come a long way OP haha. Great article. As someone with a powerful presence I also notice that if anyone else has a strong presence, we tend to lock eye contact and have that awkward vibe of competition.

                  [–]Blesss 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  since you seem to be self aware, what would you say is key to your powerful presence when you're around strangers (vs people that are already accustomed to your personality)?

                  [–]Toxicbutt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Eye contact, body language, and posture. Basically all means of non-verbal communication. The most social adapt people are those with a command over non-verbal communication I can tell they're good when they actually read my body language and not just react to it. Makes sense considering language is still "new" in the age of men.

                  [–]omnicidial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Trick to vocal control from someone who gets on stage and has to deal with hecklers sometimes:

                  Get a microphone and practice singing into it at high volume or talking into it so you not only have to get accustomed to your voice, you have to get accustomed to it being way too loud.

                  Doing stand-up at open mics I notice people who suck at projection and vocal tone and it's because they have no fucking idea what they sound like part of the time. This forces you to hear yourself.

                  [–]RPFlame 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Regarding 1. I'm reading a book called "Extreme Ownership". Amazing material.

                  [–]aanarchist -1 points0 points  (1 child)

                  example 1 just makes it easier for people to dump their work load on you.