665
666

Red Pill ExampleWalking away with frame. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1RationalDoc

Thought I should share this quite interesting situation that occurred last weekend with a relative who found out about his wife affair.

So the person in question is a distant cousin of mine 31 years old, works as a clerk for the local municipality. We are pretty close, so this weekend he just told me everything as we meet up for lunch. He has been married to his wife for a year and a half now, no kids involved as they were waiting with that for a couple of years.

Anyways his wife prior to getting married to him was dating a guy who at that time was in his first year in Medical School, and the relationship between them somehow failed from what I have gathered due to him focusing on his studies as he was struggling a bit to catch up with the tempo. So she broke things off with him because he wasn’t “available to her “ now.

Fast forward couple of years, she meets my cousin, they fell in love, and they married. Now fast forward months into her new married life, during a social event she stumbles upon her ex. He was now this hot shot surgical resident and had every attention of the girl in the room. I was present at that event and even meet the guy in question. We feel into chat, as we both were in the same field, and he actually was a nice guy, who gave me solid career advice, as I was about to graduate soon myself. Even though I was a blue pill at that time, I noticed how he carried himself around people, that he was “ better than them” and all the women in that event really tried to get his attention ( Should mention I am from a cultural background where being a doctor or lawyer is a big thing. But guess that goes everywhere where hypergamy is active. )

Anyway, I noticed even how my cousin wife was chatting up with him, and I thought they just were friends, but I could then sense that there was something more to it. Later on, that's when I find out from him that they used to date, and this is the first time they see each other after a breakup. And he is happy for her and all.

After that day, things just changed at my cousin household. More drama and “marriage problems”.She would complain about everything and anything, and my cousin just tried to put out one fire at the time.

During that time, unbeknown to my cousin, she went on Facebook to find her ex, and started to talk to him again. She somehow wants to relive the past I guess, don't know, but it went on for a month, until one day my cousin needed to use his wife laptop, and Facebook was still open, and he came across all her text. There wasn’t anything sexual, but there was the “ I miss us, we had so much fun, imagine if we were together now “.

Instead of confronting her with it, getting angry and mad. He made a decision in his mind to leave her on that instant moment. He was hurt as he told me, but would not give her the satisfaction of running over him. So he put up a face, to not show her that he knew what she been up too.

While he was slowly planning on leaving for months, trying to detach himself from her without her noticing, she told him one night that she was going to a friends baby shower in a neighboring town and would be back the following day.

In fact, she was going to the baby shower, but that was just cover story. At a hotel nearby the ex-was waiting for her after the party. My cousin found out about all this through FB, and he holds his poker face.

Once she left, he started packing all her stuff. The apartment was in his name, and he had no plan of leaving it for her. Waited until he knew the event was over, drove the car with her stuff to the hotel, went to the reception and said that he had luggage for room xxx that they forgot. And just went back home.

Changed the locks immediately and just went back to sleep.

A couple of hours after he gets multiple calls from her, and SMS asking whats wrong? Why did he bring all her stuff to a “ random hotel”. He didn’t reply. Didn’t pick up her calls.

He called her parents, and told her what the situation was and that he would send the divorce papers over to them, so she can sign it and return it to his lawyer. And that any other conversation she wants, she can talk to his lawyer.

One of the reasons I decided to share this story here, is that I see many common patterns amongst people new to the TRP including myself at the time, would confront and get angry or emotional when finding out their partner have been unfaithful to them. Obviously, it hurts being betrayed like that, but remember the Iron Rule of Tomassi#6 “ Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man excepts to be loved”.

Not gonna say AWALT, but you at least need to push it deep into that skull of yours, that if a woman you in a relationship is stepping out, there is no stepping back in. And you got to stand by it. If you have your suspicions about her don't tell her that, investigate it yourself. Some might discourage it, but go through her stuff ( to a legal limit), and if you gather enough evidence that you are being cheated on, don't even confront her, just leave. Start detaching yourself from her physically, emotionally and financially first, and when everything is in place, just leave without a single “ its over” or “ goodbye”.

When she cheated on you she didn’t respect you. Why should you give her that courtesy of telling her its over or goodbye?


[–]RedGunnera 367 points368 points  (4 children)

This man has taken ripping off the bandaid to a whole new level - this is ghosting on steroids.

I would be very interested in getting an update from OP on the legal side of this divorce. Clearly OPs cousin has run the whole situation past his lawyer but I would be interested to know what country you’re from and what the woman is entitled to when the partners have no dependents.

[–]2Dmva100 131 points132 points  (2 children)

OP did the right thing.

'Why is all my stuff at a random hotel?'

Hahahaha it ain't random if you happen to be there to know that it arrived there

Dumbass.

More evidence that simple logic beats the emotive gaslighting manipulation by women. They'll never learn

[–]thepontiff_ 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Lmaooooooo this comment is gold

[–]1RationalDoc[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

No idea on the legal side havent talked with him about in dept. But I'm from of those western European welfare states, so the government assumes the "daddy" role in term of financial security.

[–]909throwaway100 168 points169 points  (0 children)

Good example of how taking the emotion out of the situation and acting rationally leads to a better outcome for the man.

[–]Herdsengineers 144 points145 points  (6 children)

This is about as perfect a way to deal with this situation as you can get. OP is correct - she doesn't respect him, therefore she doesn't deserve respect back. The guy acted in his own interests first, which is exactly what one should do if married and being cheated on.

And yeah, it hurts terribly unless you are a pure sociopath and incapable of feelings. It hurts to be betrayed, it hurts to kick someone out of your life that you love because even after betrayal, those feelings don't just stop. However, if you ask yourself the question "one year from now, what decisions will result in me feeling the highest amount of self respect and self esteem that I can reach?" you'll realize that not tolerating disrespect and expunging anyone and everyone that disrespects you is what gets you the most gains. In a year, this guy will have bounced back and then some.

[–]omega_dawg93 111 points112 points  (2 children)

... and that dr will have moved-on from this fling.

she's gonna be scratching her head... wondering why and how her hormones ruined her marriage and altered her life, forever.

hypergamy doesn't sleep... doesn't stop... won't quit.

[–]courtesy_flush_plz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I read the last line in Reese's voice/temperament from Terminator when they're questioning him at the police station.

could easily swap the genders of his last yelled warning with

"She's gonna reach down his throat, & pull his fucking heart out!!"

[–]1RationalDoc[S] 43 points44 points  (1 child)

True. This whole mess really hit him hard, and it shows that he has not been sleeping well lately. But one thing that I admire about him is that even though he is showing me and people close to him how much he is hurt by that, he isn't showing her that side.

[–]Herdsengineers 12 points13 points  (0 children)

just reaffirm that you know it hurts, but he's doing the right thing by himself. his opinion of his own value will be higher once he's on the other side of all this for not tolerating what shouldn't be tolerated.

we're all worth better when we hold ourselves to that standard. it's a choice and action we take to be worth better, & it is sometimes rough doing it.

[–]JagsDontCare 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Excellent Insight...Respect.

[–][deleted]  (11 children)

[deleted]

[–]Churff 58 points59 points  (2 children)

I was with you until the last paragraph; AWALT, and don’t put the Pussy on a pedestal

[–]AnAbsoluteSith 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Still choking down the pill it seems.

[–]tau_2018 9 points10 points  (1 child)

“” The problem comes when the guy has done all this and is utterly exhausted meeting all her demands, playing the perfect beta, he has no time or energy to be alpha.

Guess what happens next: woman starts saying, "you never take me out. You don't say you love me. I don't feel any attraction anymore. blah, blah, blah..." not realizing that she's essentially created this ball-less man who's no longer the kind of man she fell in love with.””

WOW - THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME - IM NOT ALONE.

NEVER AGAIN, NEVER AGAIN, NEVER AGAIN

[–]Orbiter45 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The other way this goes, is "Why can't we just go out and fun, why does everything have to be about sex?"

Women will hold out on sex, to get their way. This makes them justt as miserable as the man, but the man gets the blame. Further, when the women gets what she wants, she only puts out enough to save face, then holds out for more.

And when it gets to the point that the man has been bled dry, she divorces him, takes whats left, rinse, repeat.

Their is a silver lining tho. This means that their are allot of sex starved females for the men that don't fall for this trap.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Women will push any man who will let her to the point of cutting his nuts off (vasectomy),and then she will keep pushing him. Its what they are hardwired to do. The only question is,how much shit will you take from her before you next her?

[–]HannibalBacara 17 points18 points  (0 children)

One of the best comments I’ve read on this subreddit. Your point about men doing all those provider things their woman wants and then having the woman turn around and complain that they’re not alpha enough is so damn true.

[–]mental--giant 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent perspective. It’s almost ridiculous how many parallels I can draw to my own failed marriage

[–]Gr0o0vy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"unless chick is super fucking rich..."

that would be my take

[–]JonathanMekerset 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's called a compliance test.

If you bend to her will it indicates you are scared of losing her and would rather change your own life to suit her needs than lose her, which shows a lack of abundance. You have to put yourself first, not let her fuck with anything you like to do.

[–]Aazeo25 138 points139 points  (4 children)

Savage. Cold blooded killer.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Is is savage though, compared to what she did?

[–]Aazeo25 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Nah her shit was pure sick

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace 3 points4 points  (0 children)

100% agreed. The odds of finding another guy out there that would do this or HAS done this after being cheated on are close to zero

[–]red_matrix 101 points102 points  (3 children)

The surgeon won't give two shits, and the woman will blame all this on her husband.

[–]1RationalDoc[S] 81 points82 points  (1 child)

I actually befriended him on FB way back. He helped me out when I was about to graduate and applying for programs.

From what I'm seeing, he is hitting 9s and 10s. Doubt he gonna get into a relationship anytime soon. Most likely he went for it out of nostalgia. Can only imagine his facial expression when the hotel bell boys came with her luggages. He probably bounced.

[–]courtesy_flush_plz 27 points28 points  (0 children)

If I was the surgeon, I woulda had the luggage stashed in the closet or downstairs & put in some good work down nostalgia avenue & be done with it... but Ive also watched that movie Unfaithful pretty recently, starring the TRUE king of hampering, Richard Gere! hehe

[–]rebelde_sin_causa 19 points20 points  (0 children)

No doubt, she will hamster it all into being his fault to anyone who will listen

[–]DeontologicalSanders 92 points93 points  (4 children)

The way this story is written and sort of left unresolved is a good lesson in itself.

It's very tempting when reading it to ask "What the fuck? Where's the damn payoff? I want an update on how miserable and broken she is now." But that's not the point.

Having ghosted on an ex who severely disrespected me, I can tell you that most of the time, if you're doing things right, you're never going to get that payoff. You're never going to get an update. She's probably going to go beserk and text and call you a million times in the first week or two, but the only correct response is silence and indifference. Even if you hate her guts and really want to pry for details about how much fucking Haagen-Daas she's eating while watching rom-coms and crying into her throw pillows in the months after, you can never ask.

Her ever knowing that you're seeking this information, either directly or through mutual friends, tells her that you still give a shit about what she's feeling. It's validation, and validation is currency to her. It completely undermines the action you took in the first place. The point of ghosting is not cruelty to her or catharsis for you; if you're after those things, you're acting feminine. The point is taking control. Cold, rational male efficiency. When you delete a buggy and poorly-written line of code from a program, the point is to make the whole program work better. Feelings have nothing to do with it.

[–]ImmunosuppressedTau 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Great comment! Very insightful. I think this type of mindset can be achieved by packing your life up with cool experiences and accomplishments that you have so much going on in your life that you dont even notice she's gone or have the time to care. That she occupies such a small part of the pie of your life you don't even notice a tiny slice missing .

In my own life right now. I am so busy that when my LTR left due to moving away I didnt really notice. I was so busy putting myself through TRP, increasing my social circle, BJJ, PHD and Lifting that It didnt even sting. To be accurate I think it's part a change in my outlook about women and part being really busy.

[–]DeontologicalSanders 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Being busy is a good thing, and a woman should never be the main focus of your life. I'll probably make a post about it at some point, but even beyond the actual results it generates, being busy is a status symbol. Every successful person on the planet pretends they're busier than they actually are. It's all upside, and zero downside. And if you don't, people will squeeze out all of your free time, and all of that abundance you've cultivated will mean jack shit.

That said, it doesn't sound like your situation is anything like OP's. Sometimes relationships dissolve for logistical reasons. It's just not going to work out. OP's situation is not that. That girl took all of the time and resources he invested in her and threw them away like garbage, because she saw a better deal on the horizon. No amount of busy-ness or abundance can mute the kind of hatred that creates. People are vindictive beyond a certain point; AHALT.

The point is not to train yourself out of feeling anger or hatred; if you did that, then you might as well just let her fuck other guys, because nothing matters to you anyway. It's about control; what you do with it. And in a case like this, ironically, the only reaction that will ever truly hurt her is no reaction at all.

[–]Olongapo 54 points55 points  (0 children)

This. This. This. Myself, and probably 200,000 other guys on this forum, wish we would have had the natural fortitude and frame of your cousin to do this. Pass this on to him. Please. Thanks for this post.

[–]Chitlinsandgravy 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My man. I dig your cousin's style.

Definitely awalt. The "sudden" marital problems weren't real. They gave her plausible deniability in the event that the now successful ex decided to choose her.

[–]The_Real_Cannaman 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Badass.

[–]surfsusa 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Good that he found out before she trapped him into "Fatherhood" and ruined the next 18 years of his life.. My Guess she will "suddenly" be pregnant and claim the baby is his.

[–]UFO_mechanic_AMA 43 points44 points  (0 children)

A couple of hours after he gets multiple calls from her, and SMS asking whats wrong? Why did he bring all her stuff to a “ random hotel”. He didn’t reply. Didn’t pick up her calls.

This is my favorite part of the story. It’s comically predictable.

I would bet money he’s weathering some amount of psycho behavior from her right now after the waterworks failed to move him.

[–]Atheist_Utopia 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You never mentioned your cousin was redpilled?

[–]SKRedPill 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The Random Hotel comment killed me :) So random it turned out to be the one she was staying in... what a hamster!

But your cousin would have a lot of pain from all this which he might not be showing. He needs to heal that up. Men value trust a lot ultimately, it's what helped a tribe survive.

[–]nixon993 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea people think its easy to just leave and forget about it.he is probably in a lot of pain now.

[–]tau_2018 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I thought it was just my Psyco Ex as an individual.

I am now stated to realise that a lot of it was “Women”

I sat her down in front of her mother and said:

ME: “I can work hard like I am and give you all this lifestyle that you want” “Or I can work less, spend more time with you, we will have to have a less expensive house” “I actually want to work less and spend more time with you - o do t need this extravagent lifestyle - let’s just live simply and be happy”

HER: “NO!!! I want this lifestyle, I want this house, AND I Want you to be home at 5 and paying attention to me and taking me out at weekends, YOU are the problem - you are just not productive - why can’t you just work harder and get home earlier ?”

GAME OVER.

[–]Y_Bryant 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Great share. I completely understand his mindset because I did the same in my past relationship. Nowadays I don’t bring emotion into the situation when dealing with women. It’s purely physical and us having a good time hanging out. Once women know they possess your emotions, they’ll drag you through hell and back to see how much power they have over you. Never give them the power to control you. Spend your time focusing on improving yourself and enjoying your hobbies. Mine include: creating content/ writing books, working out, drag racing, and traveling — just got my passport. Never make women your focal point, only your improvement as a man should be.

[–]unknownknowledge 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Had to chime in on this one.

LTR for nearly 4 yrs. Loads of red flags to start but hadn’t come across trp until a year in. Even with all my knowledge I STILL decided to move in, however I did this knowing that I was just taking my turn and was prepared for whatever came my way.

A couple of disrespectful situations later I had started to plan my move out.

Two weeks ago decided to go through a convo with her best friend. Noticed the gaps in conversation (deleted messages). Came across some other disrespectful comments but also came across blatant cheating. She had discussed the cheating in her native tongue thinking that I wouldn’t know any better, silly little puppy, so I used google translate to well, translate.

All the while, cold & calculating my next steps.

I was also getting declarations of true love throughout from her. Actions, not words guys!

When she was out I packed all my stuff and took my name off of everything (nothing stupid like joint bank accounts) related to the house. All of this within 30 mins.

I would have full on ghosted but I needed to make sure she didn’t turn up at the airport the next day (I was supposed to be going away with her for the weekend).

I left a very brief message with a screenshot of the cheating evidence then blocked her on every conceivable medium.

Went away, had a great time by myself but as an added bonus met a hot lady on the last day for some fun.

I made a point of expressing my emotions (completely to myself of course) in a healthy way and was able to analyse and understand my feelings.

Two weeks in, a few dates, about 30 odd numbers from a mix of girls, abs from hitting the gym hard and an air of confidence that really shouldn’t be there yet is.

The key points I’m making in this scenario are:

Feel the pinch, explore & process the emotion

Apply rational, cold logic

Hit your physical outlet hard

Hit your creative outlet hard

Get dating super quick

Don’t look back, don’t idealise them

Do not, under pain of death, even consider taking them back

Without trp I probably wouldn’t have dealt with this in such a calm and rational way so thanks trp.

I’d advise you to reread some of the more quality posts here as well as some of the more proficient Rollo posts, especially safety nets.

I’m totally looking forward to some plate spinning and pure, unadulterated self focus.

Be good and stay lucky my red brothers

Unknown knowledge

[–]beastin007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good Job. Well played. And now, never ever go back.

[–]Eulerbrah 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Only a man is capable of such cold blooded badassery.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 28 points29 points  (7 children)

He called her parents, and told her what the situation was and that he would send the divorce papers over to them, so she can sign it and return it to his lawyer. And that any other conversation she wants, she can talk to his lawyer.

House may be in his name, but legally she's allowed to live there. He's breaking the law by locking his wife out of the marital home. Stuff in your name doesn't protect it, she owns half of everything except with superior rights over it.

I bet he wishes he wasn't married.

[–]falecf4 19 points20 points  (1 child)

That is the law in the US. I would imagine it can vary from country to country.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most of the West is like this

[–]1RationalDoc[S] 8 points9 points  (4 children)

It's a rental apartment, and on his name. So don't think he would get into trouble. Maybe if it was a house/apartment he bought then that's another story.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Marital home. He'll have a hard job defending that move in court.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Zelthia 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    In my country if the home is in your name only and you file for divorce you have the right to deny residence to the other spouse but you need to allow them entrance to collect any belongings that are rightfully theirs.

    [–]Dwingledork 12 points13 points  (5 children)

    This reminds me exactly of that pro-revenge thread where the guy did the same thing: he found out through messenger, went to the hotel, got a lawyer, and acquired custody of his kids.

    [–]Frich3 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    mind posting so i can read?

    [–]xRaiden99x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah i thought this was a repost.

    [–]xxWildbeast13xx 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    What a BAMF

    You should show your cousin all of the positive comments people have responded with I bet that would cheer him up.

    [–]Ananonguy88 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    I have similar story as this guy since I've also found shit on her fb when laptop was still on and while she was away at her "female friend's" place. She even made one of her friends call me to cover for her because I was already cold when she called me herself and she smelled what's cooking.

    It's the most logical way of acting. Abort any emotional investment you've build up and always be ready to do that while not letting your guard down. When it's done, there is no reason talking to this person or sharing any more internal life and intimacy, even the anger and grudge. The emotional bond is gone and women live on emotions. Zero emotions are the worst outcome to her, much worse than angry beta whining and guilt tripping.

    [–]1RationalDoc[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Dude if she is cheating and you have proof of it just leave.

    [–]monadyne 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Well, what's your current situation? Are you still technically in this relationship? Are you married? What action are you planning to take?

    [–]Ananonguy88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It was damn few years ago and I did the same as the guy on instant. Just explaining how you get to that point.

    [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Actually yes, AWALT. Women all emerge from the same evolutionary blueprint.

    [–]omarieleo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    As I’ve always said, the women I date have all the freedom in the world, even to fuck up. When they do, I ghost. No good byes, I just vanish.

    It’s never yours only your turn.

    [–]InsulinDaddy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    My favorite part is the luggage deposal at the hotel. This man has good self-worth it seems.

    Absolute legend.

    [–]Lucblayne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Your story reminds me of a post that was on reddit sub. I think relationships. The guy found out his wife was cheating and took a very rational and calculated course of action including leaving relationship counseling books out so his kids found them and discovered that their mom cheated on their dad. He was able to get custody of the kids too. She really wanted to get back with him. He said he would sleep with her but he had no intention of getting back with her. If anyone could find the link I think it would be really relevant.

    [–]GanksGriefersForFun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Why ghosting is important: You avoid any lying or emotional manipulations that can keep you in the company of a narci like that man's wife. We need to remember ghosting is not just an act of 1 uping someone to the highest degree. It's to help you move on easy as possible.

    [–]BigAssSecret 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    What an amazing man you cousin is. Life will reward him greatly for this move. I'm really glad to hear a story where the man left in the right time.

    As for the "why did you send my stuff to a random hotel room" ROFL!!! I wish we could see her face in that moment! I would put it as my desktop background forever.

    [–]PerplexingPegasus_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You can't eat your cake and have it too sums up this post nicely.

    [–]banelord1976 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That crazy but good at the same time.

    [–]SAPPHIREAURA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Lit. Best payback also worst thing to go through is being eternally ignored.

    [–]TRP_mask 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I have massive respect for this man and wish he could teach me his wisdom. A true legend.

    [–]GL_QUAD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    After that day, things just changed at my cousin household. More drama and “marriage problems”. She would complain about everything and anything...

    Eh. This "actions" thing again. Playing to her own (and his) feels so as to indirectly get to that response she had hamstered away.

    The autist in me goes: she could say it out loud. She could say "Hey OP's cousin, guess what? My ex-boyfriend is now this top, hot doctor, and I have severe buyer's remorse, because I'm stuck with YOU. Therefore, I will downgrade you to the walking wallet & make you miserable to make my point that he is better than you. How do you feel about that?"

    It might save some troubles. Either that, or homicide rates would go up...

    [–]Hjalmbere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This guy should start a break up consultancy business. He’s a rock star.

    [–]JonathanMekerset 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Most satisfying fuckin read in a while. Bravo.

    [–]the_jingster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Would argue that if you are truly walking away it doesn't matter if you maintain frame or not. It's all ego. The fact that he cared about maintaining frame means that he still cared about being with her, which means he's still in her frame.

    [–]tesladexless 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I’m a little confused. TRP endorses spinning plates — essentially polygamy — but doesn’t tolerate a woman’s spinning of plates? To put it simply, I wouldn’t tolerate it either. Recently discovered the subreddit and I’d like to know TRP perspective on marriage?

    [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    Thats gangster as fuck. Props to your uncle. That bitch isnt worth anything after pulling that shit. I'd cut her fuckin nipples off and laugh as i put them on my belt.. but thats just me. He took the more subtle route. Good for him. No one bitch is worth putting up any amount of bullshit for.