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FitnessTo repeat what someone else said here: Do not tell anyone around you about changing your life. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by YongeArcade

One of the worst things you can do is tell people you are on a diet or getting fit etc. because they will sub-consciously undermine you.

And to drive the point home yet again , you should lose weight and lift because most of your other problems with women will just go away. You hit some magic ratio of chest to waist and women find you attractive and approach you. Your new problem being how to respond when standing in the coffee line some girl says you look like a movie star because you are wearing sunglasses, or you are getting a cavity filled at the dentist and the assistant leans in and tells you; "you have beautiful eyes"

But back to why you should keep it to yourself that you are on a journey of self-improvement .

The two people I told are no longer my friends. They were both close friends whom I had known for a long time. I told them with the best intentions. Things that I discovered in losing weight and eating healthy and since they both had problems there, i thought they would be interested. I was not a pest or mean or nagging. I was nice. After I told them both started to undermine me in the exact way that I told them what I was doing to improve.

One friend it was McDonalds. I told them I avoid it and don't eat there it was garbage. Magically every time was with him he would steer towards McDonalds " Oh they have summer specials on!". Or give me coupons they had mailed him and even deliver it to my house because " he stopped on the way" Both he had never done before. He got really childish and pissy when I pushed back or tried to deek out of eating till finally I felt i was more important that his feelings and the friendship pretty dissolved

Second friend it was same thing. Suddenly he was bringing me all this junk food "To celebrate" "Movie night" and the final straw was bringing an armload of family sized bags of chips because "Lay's has all these new flavours !!" He too acted like a spoiled 4 year old when I was not excited and refused to eat that shit.

I believe it was their ego that made them do this, all sub-consciously. I was making actual improvement to my life and they could not. So this made them feel uncomfortable,that they were failures and I was better. The easiest thing was to undermine me and my efforts.

Everyone else that I lied too of why I can't eat McDonalds when they suggest it are still my friends . I make up a story that I am on medication for cholesterol and it gives me diarrhea, if they keep insisting , I give a detailed description of the diarrhea. That usually ends their insisting.

So it can't be my imagination that "I'm on a diet" is worse to a friendship than " Let me tell you about the shit that flies out of my ass and sticks to the toilet bowl so hard that you have to flush four times "

So this is your journey alone. Get fit , lift and then your problem will be being on your toes to respond to the girl who just came on to you and clearing your schedule to take her home and fuck her.


[–][deleted]  (31 children)

[deleted]

[–]iteal 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Exactly. I know who I can share my ideas and plans with and who I won't ever tell. I have a handful of guys, who are fighting the same battle and we support each other. I'd be a lot harder without them and I'm glad I share my journey with them and vice versa.

What I agree with is that you shouldn't tell anyone who isn't interested in your success, some may be interested in your results but they don't wanna know how you got there. Additionally there are the people who will hate you for achieving things they wanted to do for ages. They see you and see what they are NOT.

All in all you have to be really careful about who you share your journey with, but there are people who will help you. Like always the world isn't black and white, even if it's generally colorless.

[–]1GroundhogLiberator 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My close friends and I know a lot about each others' diets and routines and the only drama is occasional arguments about when to eat your carbs and whether or not front squats are inferior (they're not, they're just different).

OP just has crabs in a bucket for friends.

[–]Tailback 11 points12 points  (0 children)

THIS. My best friend and the guys that I go to shooting competitions with are all very supportive. My best friends wife actually ran her hands on my arms, chest, and stomach telling me how good I looked. (I've known her for around 20+ years) One of the guys I shoot with is the one that got me motivated. Seeing his incredible transformation got me off my lazy drunken ass and to the gym.

The OP needs better friends.

[–]slay_it_forward 16 points17 points  (20 children)

But even when you get fit women will not approach you. I've been jacked since my teens and I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been approached. Subtle IOIs yes.

And where does this guy live that wearing sunglasses equates to movie stardom?

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Same here. I have always been in good shape and never been fat. Always had a six pack. People definitely notice I'm in good shape and I don't really get approached. I get the IOIs of course, but it's not as often as people think and the women who do approach at times, are the ones you definitely don't want.

[–]Schhwing 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Dude, it's up to you to approach women. Their signs of interests are invitations for you to approach. Women will not approach like men do as that would make them aggressive (which they aren't) and roles would be reversed. Game 101 + natural selection.

[–]slay_it_forward 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Ya that was my point. He said women approach him.

[–]Schhwing -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

He said come on to*

In the sex game women invite, men escalate. This chain continues till you know when.

As approach is an act of escalation women usually don't do it.

[–]slay_it_forward 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No he said approach exactly. Re-read his post.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a manlet, just 170cm and I was only approached twice, both of them were deranged one being downright borderline. I don't know how things work for longer guys but I'm sure even if the goods are better they would still be damaged. IOIs in the other hand, are frequent and obvious.

[–]LordThunderbolt 10 points11 points  (5 children)

You forgot the number one rule of poon, and that's BE ATTRACTIVE.

You can be jacked and shredded all u want but if u don't have them joocy facial aesthetics the game just isn't the same.

[–]Crackborn 0 points1 point  (3 children)

How can I improve facial aesthetics, then?

[–]LordThunderbolt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can't reshape your face. You just have to be born with it. You could shave, or grow a beard to improve your looks. Burn down to the base of it, You either got the facial aesthetics or you don't.

That's why they tell u to lift and dress well and groom approriatey to your style. Those are variables that you do have control over.

[–]kuttings 5 points6 points  (1 child)

But even when you get fit women will not approach you. I've been jacked since my teens and I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been approached. Subtle IOIs yes.

When you open a girl, you are expecting to fail. For a girl to do the same thing... the difference is huge. Her ego and entitlement are at maximum, why would she risk damaging that?

Safer for her to display the lowest possible investment in an approach - eye contact after looking you up and down, standing around near you, pretending to accidentally bump you at the bar. Doing so she has maximum deniability, and filters out those who are too scared to open her after she made it so obvious that she wanted them to.

[–]atifhere 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Is it so hard to understand that all men are not created equal. Some guys get approached a lot, some very few times and some never. It depends upon their attractiveness. And there are some who got approached despite of them never seeing the inside of gym. And there are some who got jacked, but still won't be approached.

[–]slay_it_forward 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The only way a guy is getting outright approached a lot by women is if he's a celebrity.

Is that so hard to understand?

[–]atifhere -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nope. Attractive men got approached a lot. Women do it in a covert way so they don't come off as a slut to the other people.

[–]Icantrollerskate -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Have you given thought that it might be your face?

[–]slay_it_forward 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Face is fine. Fuck you guys are retarded are here. Women rarely approach men, even good looking ones.

[–]GeneralDogsbody 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For a lot of these guys acknowledging that their 'mates' don't have their best interests at heart is half the battle.

[–]Buchloe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, real friends will support you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here. I don't wear workout clothes outside the gym and tell everyone about it. That would be too much, and maybe what others are warning against. But my close friends and family know I'm hitting the gym. They can't not because they call me and I don't answer because I'm working out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll happily tell people I'm training but won't tell them why, the results speak for themselves.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but most friends are shit when you think about it.

If you have more than 3 friends, chances are any above that are shit. So many of us who may have 10-20 or more "friends" well that means your ratio is 2 solid, 1 okay, and 17 are shit.

[–][deleted] 138 points139 points  (10 children)

You know that famous magician who does the terrific tricks that stuns his audience leaving them breathless and then he explains in detail how he pulled it off?

No?

Me neither.

[–]PanzerBatallion 32 points33 points  (7 children)

You mean like Penn and Teller do with a good chunk of their tricks?

OP's friends are just shallow assholes. It's fine, there's a lot of them out there, but it doesn't mean you can't tell people you're trying to improve your life.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

That's what I was thinking. Many people I know are supportive of people who are putting effort into improving an aspect of their lives.

I'm not saying you should go and tell someone every time you are trying to reach a specific goal, but most people I know think it's great when someone is taking ACTION to improve themselves.

[–]PanzerBatallion 16 points17 points  (1 child)

The thing is, the demographic of this board trends to be young men - 16-25ish. I lost a LOT of friends from 16 to 25, because we weren't just goofing around in school anymore. We got jobs, we moved out, we had REAL fucking issues to deal with, so life made the differences between us more clear. That's also the time of life I made my real friends, friends who I've considered brothers for 20 years now.

Just because you're young and you find out that your friends are shitheads doesn't mean you've suddenly discovered the secret to life. No, you've just discovered your long term goals aren't compatible with them. That's it, don't try to look for a deeper meaning like you can't talk about what you're doing. That's dumb.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a good point. I'm currently 25, turning 26 next July, so I do fall in that range. I don't have as big of a group I consistently hang out with as college, because it's not as easy as it was in college, working full time and all that. I was in a fraternity so it was more built in, but my roommates were from my fraternity and we see college friends on the weekends.

I do think that there will come a time when we go in separate directions. Two of my roommates have girlfriends, so next year or the year after, they might live with them. Then it also depends on whether I decide to move and all that.

The thing is, a lot can change in just a year and just the past 12 months have been huge changes for me, in regards to my career and I'm sure 12 months from now, I might be in a different place in my career good or bad, but hopefully good. I will say that I'm not the type of person who talks about my goals or talks about every aspect of my life.

[–]whuttupfoo -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I think OP is the shallow asshole. Why would you put your friends down for eating McDonald's I don't get it v

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]whuttupfoo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    What does that have to do with anything?

    [–]biohazardforlunch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    [deleted]

    What is this?

    [–]omnicidial 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Yeah his name is Penn.. not everyone needs to drive on the same road as you some of us make our own.

    [–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (6 children)

    I've seen the exact same thing. I lived with a housemate a couple of years ago when I started really working out and eating healthy. I came into the kitchen, where he was eating, and said I was craving chocolate. He offered to drive to the shop and pick me up a bar ''because he was going anyway'' (he wasn't - it was 10pm at night). I said it'll pass and I'll just eat an apple instead and he legitimately got mad.

    Woman are much the same, my housemate had a girl over (who he likes but doesn't fuck - surprise, surprise) and they were talking about a mutual female friend that ''didn't eat a slice of pizza'' and instead had a salad when they had a movie night. Now this girl is in absolutely incredible shape and guys love her. You'd think her friends would admire and be happy that she looks so good and has that willpower to commit to a goal but they don't, they're jealous and want to tear her down.

    A fun thing you might notice on FB or any other social media. If a hot girl posts a pic of herself out with friends, you'll see almost no posts by other girls that say ''you look beautiful''. Now go check the sub-average girls posts. Life is all about competition and your 'friends' DON'T want whats best for you because it makes them feel threatened.

    If you're new to dieting and lifting, don't give into these dumb temptations, if you stick to your goal and persist enough, you begin to find that the real fun is not having a slice of pizza and a bucket of icecream, it's constantly feeling healthy, light and full of energy. Don't let any one you don't want to be like tell you otherwise.

    Also, it's been scientifically proven that telling someone about your goal makes you less likely to achieve it. Something to keep in mind.

    [–]TheOtherWalternate 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    I remember reading about that study about telling someone your goal makes it less likely to be achieved. If I remember correctly the theory is the act of telling someone rewards the brain the same as doing it.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    [–]pbgswd 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Time to find friends with the same goals. We all have the ability to make new friends as life goes on and we should.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh don't worry. This was just a living arrangement.

    [–]waffles492 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I need the competition. I've got a friend that's financially and socially skyrocketing right now. I take the inherent jealousy with open arms, I want all my friends to be successful. Competition is very good, I'd rather be the worst of the best than the best of the worst because at least I know I can still improve instead of being stuck at a platue.

    It also helps to be able to learn from their mistakes as well. Like what not to do in certain situations that I'll inevitabley find myself in.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Competition is very good, I'd rather be the worst of the best than the best of the worst because at least I know I can still improve instead of being stuck at a platue.

    This is my exact thinking. I want to surround myself with people who are doing better at me in certain areas. Out of my three roommates, I'm in the best shape physically, but my other roommates are better than me at other aspects of life.

    It motivates you to better yourself.

    [–]TheRedStoic 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Duplicate experience. When I was younger I'd try to commission others into my improvement. (Let's lift together, let's run together, hey want to check out that rock climbing group? Let's try salsa, lots of hot chicks there) etc.

    Always ends pretty poorly. Maybe one will follow through for a while, but change is internal, not external, and the only thing you usually get by externally advertising it are more people who are actively pulling you down because they are bothered by their own failure.

    Just do. Keep your programs to yourself and do. The true helpers and healthy inputs will follow because they see results and have the positioning to mimic, the others become crabs in your barrel.

    Great post OP.

    [–]trippinallday 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Same shit happened to me when I started lifting, got a year membership at the gym my good friend goes to and made a plan to go and work out with each other at least 3 times a week.

    Worked for about a month, then the excuses started rolling in. "Oh I can't go because I overdid ____ / have to do ____ / etc."

    Haven't seen him there once since.

    [–]1Shyrk 9 points10 points  (6 children)

    I had this problem when I quit drinking.

    At first it was "Oh, come one, just have a shot!" Then it was, "You're SURE you don't want a drink?" Then finally down to certain people who would tell me "How boring I am now" despite still going to the same places with the same people, just with a clear head and able to remember all the antics everyone else had fogged straight out of their brain.

    These were friends doing this, too. Acquaintances who found out were generally supportive and often full of praise for my discipline.

    And my incredibly fit acquaintances (I know two people that are Instagram "fitness celebrities") were absolutely ecstatic for me and full of praise. The highest-value people I know did nothing but build me up, while the other folks dredging around bitched and whined and tried to hold me back.

    [–]lord-denning 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    This is the thing that blows my mind. For the longest time I equated fit relaxed people with being douches (and some are). But some of the warmest, kindest people are those that have made themselves better through hard work and they get what you are trying to do because they have been there themselves.

    [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    I think its funny he finds instagram "celebs" to be high value. Not saying his friends arent idiots or anything

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]BENDERisGRREAT -1 points0 points  (2 children)

      maxing out the fitness value doesnt make up for the fact that youre only known because of constant begging for approval of strangers on instagram lol.

      the average between 10 for looks and 0 for needy bitch is still just a 5, which isnt high

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        not saying theyre bad people, but they take social approval seeking to the next level. And the OP was the one I was refering to as he, not the comment

        [–]DerpishGambino 24 points25 points  (0 children)

        I've been applying this to my life about everything. I'll only really tell people details about what I'm doing if it's necessary, otherwise I'll let them witness the results for themselves.

        Having left my previous university about two years ago, running into old peers has always left them saying something about how I've changed. A girl I used to have a crush on even blatantly told me she's happy I'm not ugly anymore. Even being able to confidently take that as a compliment and reverse that to neg her says a bit.

        Keep quiet and continue to grind.

        [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

        Definitely don't tell women about what you're trying to accomplish, especially ones you're in a relationship with.

        Here's the response every guy I know, including myself, got from his woman when he announced he was starting a serious lifting and fitness program or it was obvious that he was spending time a lot of time in the gym: "you don't have to do that, I like you the way you are."

        [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        "you don't have to do that, I like you the way you are."

        HAHA. Meanwhile they decide to branch swing to someone who looks the way or has a body that the guy is trying to achieve.

        [–]Schhwing 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        That's because girls fear that it you improve yourself other hotter girls will become available and you'll leave them. True fact.

        [–]FrozenHearth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Funny. A girl I like touched my biceps and told me she loved it. Being the humblebrag I was, I told her it was nothing. I went from 99 lbs to 140 lbs in some months, most of it muscle. I also told her that gaining muscle is a slow process and it would take atleast a couple years to look decent. She replied with, "That's okay. I'm confident you'll achieve it in 6 months" and obviously told how she loved muscular guys. The most honest girl I ever met. Not unlike other girls who say, "I love dadbods" to avoid looking shallow or as others said, because they worry that some other girl will snag their bf.

        [–]BestSC86 9 points10 points  (1 child)

        The lack of support for improvement was the first big surprise of the journey....

        Family members and other members of my former church actually openly mocked what I was trying to do.....

        But now a year end...that has changed unbelievably in my extended family, they are openly expressive of the amazing transformation and several are asking for advice on how they can copy my work. In my church, I actually had a few who tried to shame me when the changes first started to be noticeable...actually asking loudly in the sanctuary whether I was dying my hair and why was I going to tanning beds like a girl. I was doing neither but healthy living had changed by skin tone and hair health.

        I am leaving that church because sadly it is a hive where the members are assigned roles and regardless of what you do...they still treat you as whatever role you have been labeled...

        One thing I am trying to work out...is that older women and most men openly compliment me regularly about how awesome the change...and I have heard secondhand about date-able women commenting to sisterother females the amazing difference, but it does not seem that I see much of that in person? Is this normal and am I missing the IOIs? Or is this a sign that I still have a ways to go? Confusing?

        [–]lord-denning 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Nothing is handed to a man. You walk into a room, 2 girls are very interested in a group of 30 people. You must learn to pick up the subtle (and as you get better, not so subtle) hints that those 2 will give off that they want you to approach them and do (usually) most of the work to make the interaction successful so that from their perspective they can say "it just happened, he swept me off my feet, etc."

        The only way to get better is to get outside your bubble, talk to new people everywhere, learn to read who is interested in you and why. It's not easy to change your default behavior but well worth the effort.

        Congrats on your success so far! Some of us have strong real-world support groups and some don't. That's what makes forums like this so helpful. Keep it up.

        [–]WhorehouseVet 7 points8 points  (3 children)

        Why are men nowadays so irrational? When I see friends improving themselves, the first thing that comes to my mind in a logical fashion, it's that it's good for him.

        Your friends whom tried to undermine you were basing their decisions on emotions, not logics. Men have become women.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Exactly. That's what I was thinking as well. It makes us no better than women, if we act like that.

        When I hear of a friend running a business and having success with it, I'm happy for him. Sure, I have jealousy in the sense he's doing better than me, but I'm happy for the people who are successful. Same with people who got promoted and are doing very good in the company that they work for, I'm happy for their success. In fact, you should surround yourself with people who are doing better than you. That jealousy or envy you have for their success in certain areas of life, should MOTIVATE you to improve yourself.

        I don't look at the people in my company who are making more money at higher positions and wish they weren't doing as good. I look at what they did, whether career or education wise and try to find ways to emulate that, so I can reach their level. That's the right way to go about things. People who try to bring down friends or family that are improving themselves are just pathetic.

        [–]Schhwing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        You sound like the jealous type

        [–]The__Tren__Train 23 points24 points  (5 children)

        Your friends suck. My friends and family have been nothing but supportive.. Many of them even joined me.

        Not everyone is horrible

        [–]stay_anon_stay_safe 1 point2 points  (4 children)

        the quality of people that one meets seems to be the most random shit that ever happens to someone. It makes me envious and angry at the world since I've been dealt the short end of the stick when it comes to that, lucky you.

        [–]BENDERisGRREAT 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        Am I the only one that vets my friends? If you wont come help me fix a broke down vehicle in the middle of the night without a top tier excuse I dont need you, same applies to myself

        [–]airmcnair06 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        While I get your point and agree with you in general... What would you consider a top tier excuse in that situation ?

        Cause I'm a good friend (I am the giver who never receives)... But if I'm sleep when your car breaks down in the middle of the night and I got work in the morning... Sorry bruh. Ain't happening.

        [–]BENDERisGRREAT 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I guess in the end it depends on the jam the one broken down is in. If they have work in the morning as well Id rather us both have 2 hours of sleep than him miss work. Granted Im from New Mexico and we dont really have 24hr towing and stuff until recently, and generally dont break down in places tow trucks can reach.

        If youre out past midnight broken down you dont have anything important going on the next day anyway, dont be a dick and call your friend that has work in the morning. If you have to be let someone know beforehand. Adult stuff

        [–]stay_anon_stay_safe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        idk if it's me or poor luck, but when you are in a situation where the people around you are shitty, you either vet them and end up alone or look for a compromise, so it's pretty shitty eitherway.

        [–]Ambitiouskenji 25 points26 points  (1 child)

        Thank you. I needed that. I have urges to tell people stuff about my life but if they on the same positive vibe, they will only bring me down. You really enforced it for me.

        [–]_the_shape_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Many years ago, I began to drift away from my religious upbringing (Catholic) and more toward a godless worldview - not necessarily god-denying (atheist), but sans any sort of deity. It's not a coincidence that I'd find myself involved in heated arguments with defenders of a particular faith during that time, and that even my nascent views would spill into casual conversations with friends - in hindsight, annoying as fuck when I look back on it now, but I couldn't see it then, and quite frankly, it didn't really matter, because I had stumbled upon "the truth".

        A big part of my own 'awakening' (in a self-reflective sense) came thanks to a girl I started seeing around that point in my life. To her, every opportunity to bash theism was a good one. "Bible-thumpers this", "bible-thumpers that", beating a dead horse over and over and over, until it started to gross me out and wear me down. I didn't disagree with much that she said, and it didn't push me back into a faith of any sort, but in retrospect, my repulsion had plenty, if not everything, to do with the underlying pattern of validation-seeking behavior.

        "Oh shit - have I been doing the same thing the entire time?"

        Why would anyone want to spend any amount of time around that sort of person?

        If you agreed with her, it would go on for a little longer until she'd tired out on her own, and heaven-forbid (forgive the pun) if you didn't see things her way.

        We already have people pouring into TRP for the first time - save the 'lessons' and 'insights' for them, the interested and the curious, and not family, not friends, and definitely not co-workers. Let them arrive here (which is to say, by extension, to you) all on their own..

        [–]taneypaul 11 points12 points  (3 children)

        Your friends and family will keep you fat.

        [–]smallpoly 17 points18 points  (2 children)

        Especially if you eat them.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]Stevebond0 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          Good point. When I finally quit smoking I didn't tell anyone. I did this because when I tried to quit years before I told everyone that I was trying to quit and all everyone ever wanted to talk about was smoking, quitting smoking, how great a smoke is after a meal etc.

          [–]mcavvacm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Not the case with my friends. In fact, we started working out and getting in shape together. Sorry mate, but you just had shitty friends.

          Some of my family members though, in the beginning they used to say that I shouldn't lose more weight because I looked fine as is. They stopped that though after they saw I was serious about it.

          [–]biohazardforlunch 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          [deleted]

          What is this?

          [–]landon042 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          so telling people about diet made them eat worse in trying to make you shit?

          sounds like a strategy to get ripped and make your enemies even weaker lol

          [–]Themeparkmaker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          That really depends on the guys you tell, I told a few of my friends that I was counting my calories and losing weight and they gave me more exercises and helped me get my count right

          [–]infiniteslinky 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          I find it interesting that you just assume that the readers of your post have problems with women.

          [–]pbgswd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          This is actually a very good and eye opening post. I honestly never truly understood this type of thing. Even if one of my friends was doing better at life in a certain area, I would be happy for him and wish him the best of luck, because that's what friends do. Same with family.

          Maybe it's because I'm in good shape, but if a friend or family member of mine was telling me how he wants to lose weight and improve their body, I would think "that's great" and maybe offer him some tips. If someone decided that maybe they didn't want to drink alcohol anymore, I would support them

          I know some people who are starting a business and are probably gonna do really great with it. Am I jealous? Probably, if they make it big, but I'm happy for them. Trying to drag people down is something pathetic people do. I am someone who is supportive of people and want people to do great things. Heck, I like surrounding myself with people who are doing better than me, in certain aspects of life. I also think it's great when I hear people trying to improve themselves. My roommate is starting to get into Muay Thai and is taking classes, which is awesome. Same with another roommate of mine who is looking to get his Masters, which I want to start to get in the next 2-3 years.

          [–]vagbutters 5 points6 points  (25 children)

          Excellent post. What I've also noticed is that some people don't even know that they do better with self-improvement when they do it alone. Part of breaking out of the beta-bitch mentality is the power to realize that you can change your life yourself, without using others as a crutch. This is an incredibly important step to take, and there's nothing better to focus on in this regard than your physique.

          Know your mission:

          If you're losing weight, know that no matter how hard your day is, you have to eat that shitty-tasting chicken breast (or whatever) instead of fast food that fat beta fucks eat. Hit the gym at least 5 times a week.

          [–]Schhwing 2 points3 points  (23 children)

          Dude, chicken breast is delicious

          [–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (22 children)

          Lol some people can tolerate it-- I personally can't get over the horrible texture. I've used some great marinades on it too, but chicken breast doesn't absorb marinades as well as other meats (like salmon) do. Takes a while to chew it down and such. I just eat it as though its medicine tbh-- no real pleasure in it, but it's not horrible either.

          [–]Schhwing 1 point2 points  (5 children)

          Wow, this honestly shocks me. You're cooking it too long by the sounds. Hit up google man. I learnt off that, tender and juicy every time.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          Also, using the right amount of seasoning and sauces makes it good. I just make it on the skillet, add veggies and bbq sauce/hot sauce/teriyaki/general Tsao or any other sauce to it and I'm good.

          [–]the_PC_account 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          what veggies and how do you prep them? I'm terrible at using veggies on food, probably cuz it usually includes a lot of tedious chopping

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I usually do either spinach, broccoli, slices of bell peppers or Brussels sprouts. When the meat I'm preparing is almost done, I just throw the veggies into the pan/skillet with the meat for a few minutes or so, until it's done. It's pretty easy to do. Pretty much stir fry style.

          [–]the_PC_account 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          ty man, i made some with thyme spinach and bell peppers today, it was GOOD

          [–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I get it "tender and juicy" every time, at least as tender as chicken breast can get, but it's still kind of tough to down. Trust me when I say that I've tried it all and have yet to enjoy chicken breast.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (15 children)

          salt bro, or just say fuck it and cook a steak. The protein has to be similar right?

          [–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (14 children)

          Once I'm a doctor and can afford to eat steak regularly I might start eating that as a staple, but right now I can mainly afford chicken breast with a little fish from time to time.

          I've brined chicken beforehand and/or salted it. Pan-searing has the best results in terms of texture, but it also takes a decent amount of time to prepare a week's worth of chicken breast this way.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (13 children)

          The grocery store near me has 14 dollars 2 packs of like 16 oz steaks lol its glorious. But yeah for lunch I try to do some sort of chicken pasta thing for the week. Need more chicken recipes tho

          [–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (12 children)

          I avoid pasta whenever I can-- shitty carbs never help me feel healthy.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (11 children)

          I always heard pasta was healthy

          [–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (10 children)

          I don't know much about it myself, but from what I've gathered only certain types are a good source of complex carbs. I generally avoid carbs in general these days-- on a cut they eat up a ton of calories that you need for protein.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (9 children)

          Thats way over my head. Im just proud of myself for each day i make myself go to the gym lol. Newbie gains more significant than carbs

          [–]TheOtherWalternate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          A motivation technique I read about that works for me: when self motivating speak out loud to yourself in third person by name and tell yourself what you're going to do. I do it when driving home from work to tell myself what I need to do and what to avoid.

          [–]iamneptuno 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          Your new problem being how to respond when standing in the coffee line some girl says you look like a movie star because you are wearing sunglasses, or you are getting a cavity filled at the dentist and the assistant leans in and tells you; "you have beautiful eyes"

          So, do you have your eyes on your waist or chest, son?

          [–]YongeArcade[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          No my eyes are not on my chest , but the change in women has been completely different since I lost weight / began lifting / improved my posture. I am fully dressed so they can't see my muscles or the definition

          I am still wearing the same type of clothes , T-shirt and jeans as I did when I was fat . I buy more up scale cologne and aftershave but that should not be that much of a factor . I am not trying to woo them when they blurt out these things . The only thing I can put it down too is the V form my upper body makes their bells ring in their tickle trunk.

          [–]lord-denning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          There are a lot of replies here trying to tell you being in great shape doesn't matter with women. Ignore them. Keep it up.

          [–]iamneptuno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          It's not your body, it's your face. Body does almost nothing, it's all above the neck. You lost the fat, so your features became visible. Congratulations, you were born with the right genes.

          [–]d6x1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          There's an easier trick. Whenever I get offered sweets I tell them I can't eat it, or I don't eat sweets. They don't ask why, but when they do I tell em it hurts my teeth if I do, then they stop.

          [–]ineedtofixthings 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I'd say there are also positives about telling people you're changing. If you're changing for the better and they are criticizing or blocking or making fun of that, they should not be your friends anyways. I've gotten rid of at least one person like that and I don't regret a bit.

          [–]Razgriz16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          You don't need to lie though, that's just weak and bad advice. Nobody's going to shove food down your throat and force feed you. You can be honest, it's okay. If they don't like it tell them to fuck off. Also you don't owe anyone an explanation. Just say "I don't want to", simple. If they ask why just repeat "because I don't want to." You don't need to rationalize and explain yourself to anyone. Let your actions speak for you.

          Also don't have a chip on your shoulders and think everyone is out to get you. There are going to be people in your life whom you can trust and love and will support you.

          [–]NakedAndBehindYou 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          It really depends on the person you are telling. My own mother has tried for years to undermine my weight loss efforts every time I am losing weight. However, my brothers are encouraging and tell me to keep it up.

          Use your best judgement. Also, when talking to girls, sometimes telling them about the ways you are improving yourself can be a good thing. It can impress them and prove that you are a self-motivated man instead of a complacent one.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Talk about whatever the fuck you want to whoever the fuck you want, dude. I have literally joked around about TRP as a message board to girls I've just met. No one cares what you say as long as you DGAF and you're being fun.

          [–]turn20left 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Dude you just have shitty friends. One of my buds joined me at the gym and we now go 4 days a week. Another buddy read some of the literature I suggested from here and he enjoyed it. I could start worshipping Satan ane my friends would still be my friends.

          [–]RPFlame 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          People in the comments miss the point by a landslide by attacking your friends. The takeaway is to not just be extra careful of who you're bringing with you on the ride - there's nothing wrong with asking for support or/and accountability.

          But any of their remarks can either make or break your friendship. What if they get jealous? Or what if they don't get jealous, be 100% supportive and you somehow receive it as sufficient validation?

          I mean, you're doing shit for yourself, right? So why even bother attempting to share your plans and put the reigns of support and accountability to anyone other than you?

          This isn't about "my friends are better than your friends" bullshit, as if you're comparing who has the strongest daddy in the kindergarten. This is about your life. In 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, you'll still have yourself. Learn to rely on your opinion more, without expecting rounds of applause from no one.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I think the point is you should vet your friends like you do women. Dont surround yourself with worthless people just because they talk to you

          [–]Stythe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I told my buddy years ago I was quitting smoking. He would offer jokingly, then pull it away and say "can't have it!" I expect it and I appreciated it. Whike it was my interpretation, it helped remind me not to take quitting smoking so seriously. He's a close friend though.

          I had another friend who offered me during this time and when he saw I stopped to think about it, pulled it away and said "yea, you don't want it, you were thinking about it too long."

          Truth is, if I couldn't endure these little Jokes, I'd never have stopped.

          If your friends are being genuinely shitty they just suck and aren't worth having. That said, for a lot of people, change is so important to them that they take any actions against it way too personally.

          For what it's worth, I tend to have a lot of people ask me how I'm doing as I've disappeared from many old social circles over the last few years. While many of them don't actually care or ask simply so they can speak, none of them have actively tried to sabatage me. Even if they don't understand or think what I'm doing is right, they respect it and give me good will. Many are genuinely curious as the change is huge. While I'm not open about every aspect of everything, I'm pretty straight forward and find that people ENJOY hearing it.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Extremely important note too: when you tell people about how you're improving yourself, you get the same dopamine reward as if you had done it, making it less likely you'll actually follow through. Why do you think damn near everyone is "trying" to lose weight? They tell their friends they're doing it and get that big dopamine boost which kills the motivation for getting it done.

          [–][deleted]  (3 children)

          [deleted]

          [–]1dongpal 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          watch her actions and reactions

          [–]samenrofringslikeLBJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I'd generally not advice anyone to even think for themselves to think in terms of changing their lives. Whatever you do is your life. Whatever you don't do is not your life. Don't cling to labels like a left winger, try to be a free man, try everything within reason. To define oneself is essentially a useless practice. If you build 1000 bridges, and suck 1 dick, are you a bridge-builder or a cocksucker? This is all a bunch of esoteric bullshit and you should not suck dick, but you get the point.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          People are afraid of change, they want things to be the same like it used to be. This is just a reaction to your effort. I don't care people will try to manipulate, shittalk and always have a crab in a bucket mentality. The more they do this the more I realize I am closer to succes. Let the haters hate, because they do lazy procrastinating shit wasting their lives away. I used to do that shit too, but no more because I already made a lot of sacrifices for the betterment. I am becoming the person I want to be. I used to be the guy who wanted to be liked by everyone and people treated me like shit. Now it is my turn to have the last laugh. Perhaps people would consider me as an asshole, well fuck them you were the cause for that. People are selfish as fuck, so fuck them. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. That is a tough pill to swallow but unfortunately it's the truth so better get used to it.

          [–]askerman97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Funny because I anticipated a lot of people were going to resist my change but most of my friends have always been happy for how much weight I lost and how hard I studied.

          [–]another-white-male 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Sounds like jealously or envy. Ik friends are hard to kick to the curb. Do what works for you of course, but I think you should also work towards healthier friendships in this new course you've set for yourself.

          [–]tripwire1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          There are two types of people in the world: those who want to raise themselves to meet the bar, and those who would rather just lower the bar. The majority of people are, unfortunately, the latter.

          [–]clonegreen 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          In reading about the path of individuation or self-sufficiency and wholeness I've found that yes, people will undermine you if you are bettering yourself in a way that threatens them.

          Being fit can fall into that category if those you talk to eat like shit or are unhealthy.

          I've heard it described as sharing your gold, which can lead to a crabs in the bucket mentality.

          [–]BENDERisGRREAT 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Also theres just the simple fact that they probably like sharing that fast food dopamine rush with someone. Its less enjoyable alone, hence why humanity has "you have to try this" syndrome

          [–]clonegreen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Absolutely, I have a notoriously clean diet and the people who are the most unhealthy always want me to give in.

          "It's just one piece" or "How's this little thing going to hurt?"

          It's weird with diet as it's one of the few dopamine rushes we need to get daily, but it can be substituted with healthier options.

          [–]sharp7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Studies show if you tell people about things you are going to do you are less likely to do them anyway. So ya dont tell people.

          [–]Schhwing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Agreed. The truth of the matter is that people will react differently. Some will be jealous and undermine you (unfortunately your friends), some will be indifferent and some will support/partake. People will only support and partake at the level you want if they are on the exact same internal point of motivation. That's fairly unlikely. My friend encouraged me to start lifting with him a while ago and I said "yeah great", and honestly thought it was a good idea. However my motivation was not there so I basically flaked on the whole idea. Now I lift by myself. No one to answer to/organise and reaping the rewards. Do what you do and don't tell anyone, it's more satisfying when the compliments come in to realise that you did it off your own back.

          [–]r1chten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          sooner or later people will notice your gains, what do you say then?

          [–]randarrow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Gonna have to use the shit comment when people ask about my diet. I like that.

          [–]The_King_Hudson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You gain nothing by being dishonest.

          [–]AceBenedict23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          There's certain people you can tell the truth to. Close gym friends, guys who you've played sports with, certain longtime friends this can work with.

          But never ever tell family. They will undermine the shit out of your efforts. Always saying "you look starving" "why do you only eat lean meat, vegetables, fruit"? "Those aren't gonna fill you up"

          Well I've put on 18 pounds of muscle this year mofos I'm bigger than ever I think I'm doing something right. Calories are way higher than they've ever been. Just be logical and try to understand why they speak this way.

          People who have accomplished great things will never discourage others from doing the same, its that simple. Fat people you know don't want you to become fit, because they can't accept that they come from where you come from, but you are moving forward and they are not. No love for the betas. Cut them off and keep it moving

          [–]TomFoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Be prepared to say goodbye to certain people when you decide to make any noticeable change in your lifestyle. Whether it's something common like job, home/neighborhood, church/place of worship, or an addictive activity like drinking, smoking, drugs, fast food, it's just not going to be the same. You'd think you can still be friends or at least friendly with your former co-worker or drinking buddy, but nope. Change jobs or give up drinking? Say goodbye. Or at least be prepared to.

          As stated in comments here, get new friends who like the things you like, who lift like you, eat like you, share (new) common interests with you. Most people don't go through dramatic changes like we do here on this sub. It's nothing short of a complete paradigm shift, which scares the daylight out of people in general.

          Also understand that if you can start a new significant habit like lifting heavy free weights (when you never done it before), then anything else new will become easy to pick up as well. Hell, if you enjoy squats and deadlifts, then changing jobs, moving far away, starting a business, meeting new people regularly, not giving a fuck, amused mastery, agree & amplify, all this stuff will won't be so bad.

          Solid post. Worth the gold.

          [–]bleed_red_white_blue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Yeah I got caught with this shit too. One of the most insidious things people do is support you at the face level then undermine you after. I took time off from working in order to pursue martial arts full time. I told my oldest friends. It was all "holy shit that's awesome bro!" and "that's incredible so happy for you" and all good things. Except when the tire hit the pavement. When i can't eat out anymore because I don't have cash to spend. When i can't hang out at night like everyone else. Then it's "fuck dude, just skip the gym for a day it won't even matter" and "you know there are studies out there that say that over training loses gains" and "what the fuck I'm not rearranging my schedule so you can go to the gym"

          I don't blame them. This is just the cost of personal transformation. Nobody wants to see the sausage get made. Because that shit is hard and gritty and ugly and messy.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Not sure about this. Most people I know go for being helpful, even if most of them are well-meaning idiots.

          [–]airmcnair06 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Wow. You literally just described the past year of my life. Like... Down to the T.

          Couldn't agree more. I basically just ran away from my hometown and been out exploring the world on my own and it's been the most amazing experience ever.

          And you couldn't be more right about women starting to make themselves more noticeable to me. I moved to Vegas (mainly to improve my game) and every time I go to the club women do all kinds of things to get my attention and I'm just not used to it so I panic and do nothing just because I'm not used to being desired like this.

          It's a problem that I don't talk about much because most wouldn't consider it a problem lol. I've broached it slightly with my new female roommate (I put her in the Friend zone... She wants the D... Bad... Based on the hints I'm reading. Anyway, when I asked her for advice on how to talk to girls, she was no help at all (probably o purpose now that I think about it) and I can see her mentally rolling her eyes that I'm complaining about not knowing what to do when beautiful women start rubbing their ass on me "by mistake" (gotta have that plausible deniability). Part of it is because she's attracted to me too... But i just act aloof because I don't want to shit where I eat.

          Anyway, I guess it is a good problem to have. Better than being fat and less attractive, though. Glad to know somebody else can relate!

          [–]SouthernAthena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I find that acquaintances interpret me talking about self improvements as direct criticism. Especially if I already have a better lifestyle (i.e. eating mostly home-cooked meals) but want to improve (i.e. cut down on sugar). People also get very touchy if I say I'm trying to lose weight since I'm not overweight. I guess they think if someone like me feels the need to improve, it only highlights how far behind they are. So I've learned to keep my mouth shut.

          I only tell my two oldest/best friends and my close family about self improvements. At the end of the day, they are the only people who truly have my best interests in mind.

          [–]jewishsupremacist88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          crabs always be bringin ppl down. this is what its like to be a negro

          [–]slay_it_forward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I had a fat Chinese friend that lost a bunch of weight so me and some friends made a bet that he couldn't eat 16 McDs cheeseburhers in under 30 min. He pulled it off. It wasn't to sabotage his goals, strictly for the sake of humor, and fuck me was it ever funny.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          [–]lqtys 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          I love how some people here in the comments section criticize what OP said but I must remember you that this is talked about in 48 laws of power (can't remember exactly which law, I don't have the book here).

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          https://www.tke.org/files/file/The_48_Laws_of_Power.pdf

          You might be thinking Law 30: Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless. The whole premise is to just do something and not talk about all the effort or skill that went into it.

          And actually this law isn't just relevant in regards to fitness. As an example which is kind of fitness related, but more skill/cooking related. I bring my own lunch to work everyday. Mainly for two reasons, money and time. It's a lot quicker and cost effective to make meals the night before and heat them up in the microwave at work, then going and waiting on line for a sandwich/entree. So the night before, I make two portions worth of a dish, one for dinner that I eat and the other I put in a gladware entree sized container and put in the fridge, to take next day to work.

          The funny thing is my meals are simple. Whole grain pasta or brown rice with meat (chicken, pork, sausage, ground beef or steak), some veggies and sauce. The thing is people will sometimes see my pasta dish and be absolutely impressed with it, even though it's so easy to do.

          [–]smum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Just tell them to fuck off, McDonald's is the asshole of America, and people just keep eating what comes out of it.

          [–]cowpantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You'll make new friends. Who don't want that shit in there bodies. I work as a salesman on the fucking road and I stop at McDonald's once or twice a year for a breakfast wrap and a coffee. Fuck those losers. Now that your lifting work towards a baseline and maybe get into kickboxing or muai Thai. Good place to make new friends. People with discipline and self control. I'm angry hearing about what those idiots tried to do to you. Friends support each other.

          [–]Kingofmyworld909 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I like pissing my family off (really it's anyone older than me that gets pissed) by including them in my fitness/nutritional loop because they're stuck in their ways about said "knowledge". That knowledge mostly consists of myths that have been demonizing real foods since the 70s or whenever the hell globalists decided that egg yokes will explode your heart, and that steak and butter and salt are the devil. Its amusing to see peers and elders talk shit about ones efforts, only to see them get hit with the weight they lost in two months eating a bowl of rice (exaggerating, but not too far from reality) every day. That or they never see any progress because they never start trying. And even when they were at their "prime" after achieving their weight loss goals (fuck weight loss, fat loss is a more healthy way to approach the matter of health and fitness) they still have a belly on them/skinny fat build.

          My points: those "friends" were most likely no more than acquaintances, or just subpar friends (given that they champion McDonalds they prolly didn't give a shit about their own well being and don't plan on helping themselves any time soon). From what you said, they were trying to drag you deep into the pit you had either dug yourself in or found yourself in, one that is comfortable and cozy for them. Its easier for people to cope with poor standards of fitness by pretending one is invisible (the fatter one is, the more this method tends to be the case) than to nut up and be hungry for a few months and get good. If something pulled that invisibility cloak away, one would do anything to get it back (cutting people out being one way).

          [–]hakkarin -1 points0 points  (2 children)

          You hit some magic ratio of chest to waist and women find you attractive and approach you.

          lift and then your problem will be being on your toes to respond to the girl who just came on to you and clearing your schedule to take her home and fuck her.

          No offense but this is total bullshit for 2 reasons:

          1. You can't look big while in cloth naturally. All of the good looking guys are on roids. If you are willing to use them then ok, but the idea that just lifting will give you impressive muscles is nonsense. Even the so called "not big" guys like underwear models use drugs. Natural bodybuilding is a joke.

          2. Even if the above wasn't true it makes no difference anyway since 99% of sexual attractiveness is face+height. Go to the forums at bodybuilding.com and you can find plenty of guys who are on roids and have super awesome looking bodies and yet women still ignore them because facially they just look like a normal person.

          Weightlifting is no joke the most overrated method of getting women possible. It isn't ANYWHERE near as effective as people make it out to be.

          [–]BestSC86 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Who told you this stupidity?

          Changing your body with the proper fashion change is literally the fastest way to getting more chances at slaying chicks. You can't still be a beta fuck or you will mess it up, but I am just back from a night drinking free at local cafe because the freaking bartender went full tingle.....

          In the first 15mins of meeting this South American hottie, she gave me her number and started making special drinks for me for the next 2 hours. I had not even had time to run any game on her....it was entirely my new look.

          You are not working hard enough or dieting properly.....

          [–]hakkarin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Sounds like you just look good in the first place and merely think it's your new cloth/haircut whatever.

          And being toned doesn't make you look different from anyone else while you are in cloth. Only guys on roids can "look like they lift". I use to buy into this nonsense that lifting could build an impressive body in the past but now I know better and realize that it's all just genetics, hormones, and drugs. Normal people don't benefit from lifting weights unless they are just doing it for health or strength.