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How to date correctly (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by MrTyler_Durden

Gentlemen... we need to talk. Lately I have seen a lot of you asking about plates, FWB's, LTR's and getting them mixed up or just flat out not knowing how to manage your chicks. The worst I have seen are men asking about turning a girl into an LTR when you haven't even known the girl for more than week and she hasn't done anything to earn your commitment. Gents... as a high value male, your commitment is the most valuable thing you have to offer a woman. Now, I'm going to say this again because it so important. YOUR COMMITMENT IS THE MOST VALUABLE THING YOU HAVE. So why are so many of you throwing it around like it's meaningless?

Partly because you have forgot the most simple but important part about TRP. So I want to take you back to the basics. As with anything, wether sports, art, or any kind of skill, to get really good at it you need to be brilliant in the basics. I call it the Chain of Promotion. Think of it as a giant machine that whenever you find girls you are interested in, you feed them through this machine and it's going to separate the good ones form the bad ones all while making sure you keep yourself from catching oneitis, and will keep your feelings guarded until one has been spearhead into the category that they deserve your emotional investment or even commitment if that's your cup of tea. What I'm about to show you should be printed off and saved and given to your son when he turns 16 because all men should be dating like this, especially in today's world. Every girl you meet from now on will start at level 1.

  1. The Prospect: This is a girl who you see around town, some sort of social setting or maybe you setting up a date with her on tinder. You are attracted to her, and maybe she has shown some attraction to you. But no date has been established, you may not even know your name. I bet you are probably wondering why I'm even bothering to include a prospect in this chain at all. It's because I have seen many threads of guys catching oneitis at this stage here. Right here! Already! They haven't even spoke to the girl and they are already labeling her as this amazing creature. She's not, I promise. For all you know she's batshit crazy and she's going to be tossing your shit out into the snow 3 months into a committed relationship because you loaded the dishwasher wrong.

  2. The Plate: So you managed to take that prospect out on a date! Kudos! You F-closed with her at the end of the night and it's safe to say that she is now a plate. If you didn't F-close, then she stays at level 1 until you get that dick in. Your guy's relationship is strictly about sex. You don't talk much, maybe a few flirty txts here and there but for the most part you are hitting this girl up for pussy either at your place or hers. Now let's say you two are having a fun time in the moments when you aren't fucking each others brains out. You make each other laugh, have the same interests and she's just good company. (But you don't listen to her emotional bullshit, the second she starts talking about her BS you shut it down and get that pussy wet before she's able to talk your ear off for 10 minutes about her ex bf.) If you see yourself spending some time with this girl outside of the bedroom and Netflix, then you can promote her to level 3.

  3. The FWB: So now you have a FWB. These are the most fun. You guys have hot sex, catch few movies together maybe go to a concert, she blows you on the way there, blows you on the way back (it's important you keep this relationship sexual so she doesn't forgot what you're all about). You guys can txt but keep it sexual most of the time. Calling her by her nickname, teasing her here and there but also just being a warm, comfortable guy who can also make her pussy wet at the drop of a hat. Now, this is when we start to tread into deep water. From my experience, girls really only like being in this situation for 3-6 months. Sometimes you'll find one that will have no problem hanging around as a FWB for a year or so but that's pretty rare. At some point, she's going to be looking for commitment. It's important that SHE brings up this conversation. Not you. Get ready for shit tests galore here. But if you are truly a high value male, she will start doing things for you to EARN your commitment. Remember, it's all about her earning your most valuable asset. The only time you should promote a girl past this level is if she has shown you lots of good behavior. She offers to cook, she offers to help out, she follows your lead, she fucks you like an animal and doesn't give you any drama. If she doesn't put in the work and just falls off, fuck her... she wouldn't have made a good LTR anyways.

  4. The LTR: Well, she did it. She managed to make it this far. She earned your commitment. At this point you should have a pretty dope girlfriend because you put her through the process and already know she's a well behaved girl for you. See how this is so much better than just giving your commitment to a girl who hasn't even made it past level 2? And so many guys are doing it these days just making girls their girlfriends because they sat on their cock a couple times. At this point I won't go into too many details about how to run your committed relationship. That's on you.

Something to remember:

Good behavior promotes the girl, bad behavior (flaking, constant sour attitude, or whatever other things YOU might consider bad behavior) demotes the girl. Once a girl is demoted, she shouldn't be allowed to move back up the chain. She had her shot. This happens a lot with FWB, they fall off and when they inevitably come back, they won't make it past a plate.

Also, putting a girl through this process will subconsciously make this girl respect you as a man. She had to earn this commitment so you bet your ass she's going to respect it. So many men aren't respected in their relationships because the girl didn't have to do jack to get it.


[–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 154 points155 points  (20 children)

I should also add that if a girl does manage to make it into an LTR with you, eventually you will need to start showing a little bit of provider qualities. There is such a thing as too much alpha. And if you have no interest in showing a girl provider qualities then that's fine, you don't ever have to go past level 3 with a girl. Win win.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 91 points92 points  (16 children)

an LTR with you, eventually you will need to start showing a little bit of provider qualities.

It's well known that LTRs thrive smoothly on a healthy mix of leadership and provider traits. By staying on-point with shit tests, and recognizing and passing comfort tests, and most importantly not becoming complacent in his self-improvement and gaming his woman, it's totally possible to have a long-term happy relationship on Red Pill terms.

[–]3whatsthisgarg 51 points52 points  (8 children)

it's totally possible to have a long-term happy relationship on Red Pill terms.

When I say this, I get ass-raped by /u/HumanSockPuppet.

Also, I'm pretty sure the converse is also true: it is completely IMPOSSIBLE to have a happy relationship of any length WITHOUT RP principles.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 44 points45 points  (7 children)

The usual pattern failure is, a relatively Alpha guy gets into a LTR with a woman he really likes, becomes complacent about passing shit tests, gaming his woman, and self-improvement; then becomes incrementally beta-fied at least in the woman's eyes.

Some RP men are more interested in LTRs than others, and the idea isn't incompatible as those not interested sometimes suggest.

[–]3whatsthisgarg 27 points28 points  (5 children)

LTRs . . . the idea isn't incompatible

It's really the same as any sexual strategy. Women are really simple.

You want to fuck a strange chick you barely know? You just have to be hot and make her want to fuck you.

You want a happy LTR? You just have to be hot and make her want to fuck you.

You just have to be a badass every day.

And when dudes on TRP (who want a LTR) throw up their hands and throw in the towel at this point, it's just exasperating. Because basically I take them as saying but I don't want to be a badass every day.

[–]MrExpress 29 points30 points  (3 children)

When people say relationships are work this is what they really mean. If you love your woman than be a bad ass everyday for her. This is the fallacy that feminists run in to. Don't give her what she wants, give her what she needs and she'll be happier for it.

[–]rodrigolrsilva 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess that's why they said it took real men to have the kind of long lasting marriages that took place in the 50s. It seems really common that the men that managed to have a long and happy marriage were the ones who got shit done, every fucking day, for the rest of their lives. No wonder so many of these "marriage role models" were men who went to WWII.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As the coolidge effect takes hold, the alpah stops caring so much. Time for a new pussy.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

    [–]Mescuzzi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    At some point, she's going to be looking for commitment. It's important that SHE brings up this conversation. Not you. Get ready for shit tests galore here. But if you are truly a high value male, she will start doing things for you to EARN your commitment.

    That's the thing, you don't initiate the LTR. If you are doing the best of YOU everyday, eventually she is going to want commitment. If not, then she was never that into you in the first place. It's a win-win, and you have to trust in the process.

    [–]plenty_of_eesh 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Well, the beginning with anyone is always "open", right?

    You don't assume she's exclusive and she doesn't assume you're exclusive. That's why there is "the talk" / DTR somewhere down the line when she wants more commitment (or when you do, but beware: asking before her is not attractive).

    So, simply by not having the talk, you move into open-LTR territory...

    But... If you never talk about it ever, there is the chance she'll assume (falsely). So best to bring it up eventually. "We're still seeing other people right?"

    At that point you can get into how special she is to you, if you want. You can even call her your "primary" if you feel that way about the relationship definition.

    TL;DR I don't see why you need to "initiate" open-ness from day 1. An open LTR is someone you started off dating and never went exclusive with, but a talk eventually about it is wise.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    He chooses a dvd for tonight

    [–]plenty_of_eesh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Simple. Just be, deep in your heart, "ready to walk". ;)

    If she would rather look for an exclusive boyfriend than have more of your time and attention, there's not much you can do about it.

    But like I was saying above, there might be some middle ground / rules that make it more palatable for her if she's not comfortable...

    Like, "you're my primary" "Don't Ask Don't Tell"... "Anything but PIV".. "sex but no sleepovers" etc etc.

    But the only one I've ever made work is DADT.

    [–]asktrpthrow123 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    You will need to show provider qualities but most guys around here will most likely show a little too much by default without realizing it so when in doubt, just show alpha.

    [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    It always easier to recover from being too alpha than it is to recover from being too beta. A chick with always have an attraction for alpha even if it's too much and she goes away for a while. But too much beta can instantly kill all attraction.

    [–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 49 points50 points  (1 child)

    So many men aren't respected in their relationships because the girl didn't have to do jack to get it.

    probably one of the most important things you should drill into your skulls

    [–]AlphaProfessor 23 points24 points  (4 children)

    At what point is she expected to not be banging other dudes?

    [–]The_M0rning_Star 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    The same point you stop fucking other chicks.

    That's very idealistic to think that she's actually not fucking any other dudes after you told her you're fucking all these other chicks. If she tells you otherwise, she's lying, you idiot. She just played your ego instead of your heart. Men with closed hearts you just go for the ego. "Oh yesss only you you're the onnnlyyy one". This is what women do. They need more than side dick. And if you're not going to give her what she wants she will get it from somewhere. SHE'S YOU. She's doing what you do, spinning plates. It's just women do it with emotions instead of sex. That's why you fucking like her...she's like you...but a woman.

    One thing TRP gets right is no, women aren't magical creatures. And no, pussy isn't the gate to heaven. Women are just people. Sometimes people have magical powers to be sure, but have a vagina doesn't guarantee that. And surprise! Neither does having a cock. So if you're spinning 2-4 fine china plates and thinking that not 2-4 are spinning you right back...reassess. That your logic or your ego talking?

    [–]TheGatesOfValhalla 23 points24 points  (1 child)

    If you are fucking her right, level 2. She shouldn't want dick from anyone else. Remember, fuck her like its the last time you'll ever fuck in your life. Every. Fucking. Time.

    I'd say you should reasonably expect her to not be fucking anyone else at level 3/4 though, this really is different for each person IMO.

    [–]glawkneintehn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Yeah level 2 is fair. If you're the prize she's going to show you. She's going to tell you she's not and you're going to reward her for it.

    For example "I like you so much, we have such a great connection. I don't even want to date anyone else let alone sleep with them, I'm just worried it won't even be worth my time, you're so awesome!" This is usually because I'll find completely single and not looking or super slutty and super looking girls. I just tend to wander away from boyfriend and rebound type of girls because I gain nothing from these interactions.

    At least in my relationships its obvious and clear that I am banging other girls (continuously) so the topic is sorta already on the table.

    [–]LymanRP 34 points35 points  (12 children)

    Gents... as a high value male, your commitment is the most valuable thing you have to offer a woman. Now, I'm going to say this again because it so important. YOUR COMMITMENT IS THE MOST VALUABLE THING YOU HAVE. So why are so many of you throwing it around like it's meaningless?

    THIS. The male equivalent of a CC-riding slut is a guy that gives away his time and commitment easily.

    [–]ilikemychickenfried 1 point2 points  (11 children)

    CC-riding slut? What that? New to trp

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]ilikemychickenfried 0 points1 point  (9 children)

      Thanks! By footing the bill do you mean making him put up with her shit?

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]ilikemychickenfried 4 points5 points  (4 children)

        There are men that would do that? Why? That's so degrading.

        Awesome, I'll check it out. Thanks!

        [–]2Overkillengine 6 points7 points  (2 children)

        Thirst. There is a reason this word is used. A thought exercise:

        For example, offer someone a lopsided deal they would obviously refuse.

        Then, only give them enough water to keep them barely alive for, say, a month. Of course put them in a situation where they cannot get more themselves through either lack of ability or knowledge.

        Offer the same deal with a glass of water upon acceptance. The chances of the deal being accepted just went way up.

        The deal was still lopsided and shitty though.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The thirst in some men, including myself is real. Granted, I never did the whole buying shit for a chick like vacations, furniture, movies, dinners and all that, but definitely putting a lot of time into getting just some pussy.

        [–]ilikemychickenfried 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Thanks, makes a lot more sense now

        [–]RmX93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Theres lot of man buying every shit for woman because they think its the only way to get sex.

        [–]Mudpielol 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        foot the bill as in pay for everything and getting pity sex, if any, throw some kids in the mix and voila, misery awaits the dude.

        [–]ElCthuluIncognito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yes, and literally spending his money on her.

        [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (4 children)

        Never commit to anyone but yourself.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]AyeAmScottishYaCunt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Yeah but you realise the problem with that logic right? You're getting pissed off at how the game is played, instead of adapting to win at the game - if you don't like it, you can go MGTOW, no shame in it, or just stick to plates. Whatever works for you.

          The vast majority of men don't know the rules of the game. The game being intergender dynamics from a sexual/relationship standpoint. Woman WILL test you, they WILL pick holes in your frame. We show you how to identify that and deal with it correctly so you "win".

          Think of it like ping pong. A guy is told "this guy wants to beat you, he's going to do it by hitting the ball at your end of the table to make you miss, do x y and z to beat him first". You may not like the fact that he's going to hit the ball at you, you may not like the methods he uses to do so. But if you're gonna play you better play to win. Which means recognising that's what he's going to do and understanding what you need to do to counter and win. Sure you could just not play, but that's not where the fun is.

          A beta is just given a teaspoon and told to just "be himself". Best believe he's fucked.

          [–]glawkneintehn 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Still have to do that when banging new girls. Plus LTR for me just means no condoms (still bang new girls with condoms)

          [–]kxn037459 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          So when guys say, go out and spin plates that's what they really mean.

          [–]XellosWizz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I've read all of your how to date and I think it might actually work, but I have a slight problem with it. It won't work that well with mature women.

          Women in their late 20s or more tend to see through all of that process (probably because they've been through it more than once), and once they see what you're doing, you're a goner.

          My advice would be is, don't be afraid to go and show yourself fully to her, share as much as possible and try to form a meaningful bond with her. If it doesn't work then don't force things and end it.

          Guys, being close to a woman is something great.

          [–]Ratchetous 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          My main problem with step 2 is the listening to her emotional bullshit part. I don't know how to shut that down, and it always keeps setting me back.

          [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Just say "uh huh" and start rubbing her pussy. Then start kissing her and whisper in her ear "you talk too much" then take her to pound town. Or if your texting.... http://m.imgur.com/DG4V7Tb

          [–]abbafishhead 11 points12 points  (10 children)

          Step 4 is unnecessary. I fail to really see the additional benefit that step 4 provides for you over step 3. In fact, I can see tons of downsides to proceeding on to step 4.

          [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 18 points19 points  (9 children)

          I had an awesome LTR in my early 20's lasted about a year. The chick was hella cool, no drama good sex and it was nice to step out of my usual cynical self and buy a couple gifts here and there. The breakup was mutual and we went different directions. It will be something I'll think about when I'm an old fuck and be like "hmm that was a good time." But you're right as far as the world is now. I'm never going past step 3. And these steps are mostly for those guys who still has rose colored glasses on about committed relationships.

          [–]DarkCotton 18 points19 points  (8 children)

          Maybe I'm young and naive (19 years old here), but I want a family. I'd like to think I'm emotionally intelligent enough to see through bull shit, and can find the right girl to get to stage four with. Have to thank my sisters for teaching me some red pill theory EARLY in life, like 12 years old. Anyway, thank you for including the fourth stage.

          [–][deleted]  (3 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]badaod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            "Watch how the mother treats the father. That will always be a sure sign of how she will ultimately expect you to respond. "

            THIS! So true. seen this only after i let bad things already happen to me (and her father to him)

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            Picking women is like picking stocks. Everyone thinks they've got the right formula and anybody who can't do it correctly, just plain sucks. The truth is, when it comes to picking, you're better off not bothering cause there's a good chance you'll lose out. Play the field

            [–]DarkCotton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            That's called diversification in stocks... I think. Anyways Diversity your stocks and your women.

            [–]Zack9764 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            I've always recommended only girls you see as your best friend make it to LTR. Just a friend isn't good enough.

            [–]bigmfkr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            You should include a link to the original HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches

            [–]cashmoney_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            And since humans aren't monogamous this is all moot anyway.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

            [–]kutie-pie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            good post, definitely mentioned here before.. but we also tend to forget that our TIME is just as valuable and goes hand and hand with commitment.

            [–][deleted]  (3 children)

            [deleted]

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

            "Long term" is all relevant. For some guys long term is 3 months. Others is a year or maybe 5. Up to you. She'll blow it eventually and end up getting demoted anyways so don't even worry about it lol

            [–]glawkneintehn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Ugh this is the sad thing. I'm at a point where me and my girls know it's going to be them that blow it at some point :(

            Either that or I'm going to end up pushing them away from too much AF. The problem is I'm just so much more attracted to these low self-esteem nerdy white girl types (I know the worst)

            [–]glawkneintehn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            I think you're talking about level 4. So many women are unfit to be LIFE partners and the chances are so low he didn't include a Level 5.

            [–]sunole123 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            Why is the first step called the plate? As in what? Food plate? I Can't get the metaphor without the meaning

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            You know those show performers that spin plates on this long sticks? They hold a bunch of sticks in their hands and feet and spin plates on them. A girl is called a plate because when you have sex with her from then on you want to "spin" her to keep her coming around for more dick. You spin multiple plates at a time because eventually plates stop spinning and they fall off. So when guys say, go out and spin plates that's what they mean. Get as many girls in your rotation as possible because girls are fucking wily and they can fall off for no reason.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (6 children)

            4 The LTR: Well, she did it. She managed to make it this far. She earned your commitment. At this point you should have a pretty dope girlfriend because you put her through the process and already know she's a well behaved girl for you. See how this is so much better than just giving your commitment to a girl who hasn't even made it past level 2?

            This is a myth. Nobody ever "earns" your commitment any more permanently than you "earn" their loyalty. As long as things are good, they respect you and enjoy your company, and you like them, keep it going. Nothing is ever earned.

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

            Just because someone earns my commitment doesn't mean it's permanent for her. It's my commitment I can do what I want with it. If she puts in the work, she earns it. If she has it and is a bitch with it, then I can take it away. Simple as that.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (4 children)

            Just because someone earns my commitment doesn't mean it's permanent

            That's exactly what that means. If someone earned money, and you paid them, shit ain't yours anymore.

            It's my commitment I can do what I want with it.

            See above / pick one. Don't mistake me for being an English stickler either. Perception is paramount.

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

            So what you're saying is if you get into a committed relationship with someone then that commitment is gone forever? I really don't understand what you're trying to say here....

            [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

            I'm saying that commitment from a male should reflect loyalty from a female: an ethereal, theoretical concept.

            People's heads get fucked with because these things are still called "LTRs" or "Relationships" or "Marriage", but any meaning to these terms has vanished long ago. They are just empty words, of empty dreams in which fools believe.

            The times when there were consequences for not committing as a man (dead career) or unfaithfulness as a woman (homelessness / all friends outcast you / stoned to death) have flown by our ancestor's heads a very long time ago.

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I'm trying really hard to understand your point my man, but I'm just not picking up what you're putting down.

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            There's no way of knowing if a woman is being loyal or not.

            [–]RocKai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            This is what I needed to read today. Chuurr mate 🤘!!

            [–]Run_Che 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            In case you're not interested in LTRs, do you ever tell her that before she gets too emotionally invested?

            [–]MrTyler_Durden[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            No just let her find out on her on. She's not as emotionally invested as you think if you guys haven't even been dating. Whatever qualities you have that she likes you for, she'll be able to find in one night swiping tinder. She'll be okay.

            [–]RPmatrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Good post. I wasn't expecting it from the title, but I was wrong, you've basically nailed it mate.

            At some point, she's going to be looking for commitment. It's important that SHE brings up this conversation. Not you. Now, this is when we start to tread into deep water. From my experience, girls really only like being in this situation for 3-6 months. Sometimes you'll find one that will have no problem hanging around as a FWB for a year or so but that's pretty rare.

            Just this comment alone could be the basis for a large post in itself as once you achieve this 'transition phase' with a girl, it's the basis of everything that's to come so you want to do so most thoughtfully.

            All in all, good post, concise and easy to read

            thanks bro

            [–]Edwoodz3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            I needed to read this so very badly, thank you OP

            [–]zephyrprime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            "Also, putting a girl through this process will subconsciously make this girl respect you as a man. She had to earn this commitment so you bet your ass she's going to respect it. So many men aren't respected in their relationships because the girl didn't have to do jack to get it."

            This is actually the most important line of this whole post. Women don't bond by just doing things together with you. Drama and fear of loss and feeling inadequate because she can't get you is how women bond with men. Women are seriously messed up.