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Red Pill TheoryInfatuation is not the only form of Oneitis. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by TRP VanguardWhisper

Lately, I have had several questions from young men, all variations in the key of "How do I {game/impress/win exchanges with/stick it to/seduce} {my ex-girlfriend/my high school crush/this girl who rejected me because I was beta/the one that got away}."

Then they insist that they don't have oneitis because they're banging other women. They're not in love with her. They're not infatuated.

But infatuation is not the only form of Oneitis.

Oneitis is nothing but the failure to regard a woman as replaceable, regardless of why you do so.

  • Are you stuck on her because you looooooooooove her? Oneitis.
  • Are you stuck on her because you have something to prove? Oneitis.
  • Are you stuck on her because she's your ex and you still care what she thinks? Oneitis.
  • Are you stuck on her because she's Jessica Alba, you actually have an opportunity to game her, and you want to brag to your friends that you banged Jessica Alba? You guessed it... oneitis.

A woman is a woman. A vagina is a vagina. Some are better than others, but no matter how good one is, there are others just as good, out there waiting to be found.

In today's ruthless sexual marketplace, you must learn to regard women as a commodity, like apples. Some are bruised and rotten, some are fresh, juicy and delicious, but any apple of good enough quality will do. Some people like the red, sweet ones, some people like the green, tart ones, but any apple of the proper variety will do.

If you are unwilling to walk away from a woman should she prove intractable, unavailable, or disappointing, you have oneitis regardless of your reason for that unwillingness.

  • Do not try to impress your ex. She's nothing to you now but another woman.
  • Do not try to catch the one that got away. She's just another woman.
  • Do not chase that female celebrity any harder than you would a look-alike who is a waitress at IHOP. She's just another woman, and with more shit tests and drama.
  • Do not cave and lose frame because she's super hot. She's just another woman.

No matter what reasons you have for wanting a woman, there is always another women with what you want. Chase, appreciate, but do not become stuck.

He who cannot cast away a treasure, at need, is in chains.


[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 430 points431 points  (23 children)

For any of you newcomers who are reading /u/Whisper's advice, take heed:

The Red Pill is NOT about looking like a bad ass. It's NOT about getting petty vengeance on the people who scorned you once. It's NOT about looking cool, or earning praise and approval, or looking over your shoulder to see if people are watching how awesome you're becoming.

Fuck all that.

The purpose of the Red Pill is to set you on the path to achieving your goals, and to help you steer around the lies, the rationalizations, the social pitfalls, and the legal risks that have been set up by powerful or influential people who profit from your indentured servitude.

You've been lied to all your life. It's about time you stop lying to yourself as well. Ask yourself this: if someone thinks you're cool, what does that really get you? Really?

The answer is absolutely nothing. Admiration feels good for awhile, like a chocolate sundae or a shot of morphine. But once the high is gone, you're no further along than you were before - and in all likelihood, you're a few steps back. Maintain the pursuit of empty praise, and you'll push the goal posts well out of reach.

When you begin your journey on the Path Of the Red Pill Man, you must select a series of outcomes (financial independence, 7% body fat, enough spending cash to travel the world, your own apartment, a 500-lbs. dead-lift, or even just steak for dinner tonight) - and those outcomes must serve YOUR DESIRES and no one else's. You must be willing to forgo the luxury of praise and encouragement and set yourself to the task of getting what you want.

Fuck your feelings. Feelings are a bitch's problem. Work on your discipline. There's no compliment in the world that feels half as good as achieving something you've always wanted.

[–]redpillagedotcom 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Let me narrow it down even more:

True happiness is the process of self realization. You are never done because there is always another level. Unlock your maximum potential and you will open doors you didn't even know existed.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–]Hworks 42 points43 points  (0 children)

    A human being can never separate himself from his feelings. You can try to, but it's just denial. The important part is not letting your feelings take control of your life and steer you in a bad direction. Emphasizing short term feelings over long term happiness is a tragic mistake

    [–]TRP VanguardWhisper[S] 64 points65 points  (1 child)

    Ask yourself this: if someone thinks you're cool, what does that really get you? Really?

    The answer is absolutely nothing.

    The answer is: it depends who they are.

    It might get you laid. It might get you paid. It might get you a reputation that will help get you laid or paid.

    But I suspect this is not really your point. It sounds like you were talking about the cheap, temporary internal high we sometimes get from the approval of others.

    In criticizing that, you are absolutely correct. Not only does it do nothing for you beyond a transitory tingle of pleasure, it actually hurts you, by encouraging the bad habit of relying on external validation for feelings of self-worth.

    The moral here would be "Seek a good reputation with others, but do not rely on them for validation."

    [–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    I had addressed this in an earlier draft of my response, but on re-reading it I decided that it belaboured the point.

    Yes, there is something to gain from impressing and befriending the powerful and influential. But those types are only impressed by power, or influence, or a display that shows the potential for either. And a supplicant pursuing simple praise will show none of these.

    [–]shitassssss 100 points101 points  (1 child)

    Fuck your feelings. Feelings are a bitch's problem. Work on your discipline. There's no compliment in the world that feels half as good as achieving something you've always wanted.

    This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    [–]dencrypt 7 points8 points  (4 children)

    Is it still oneitis if you miss that one girl that gave you those fucking awesome blowjobs that hasn't been surpassed to date?

    [–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I don't think so dude. But lusting after such things may still be the manifestation of a deadly sin - sexual gluttony. Your mileage may vary!

    Hashtag RedPill, Hashtag ShitlordProblems

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]CD_Johanna 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Ask yourself this: if someone thinks you're cool, what does that really get you? Really?

      Well one could argue that it gets you social proof, which is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs.

      [–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Ask yourself this: if someone thinks you're cool, what does that really get you? Really? The answer is absolutely nothing.

      If white knights as a group would swallow this pill, they'd go extinct overnight.

      Give me the company of one sexy woman for the night over the praise and admiration of thousands.

      [–]laere 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      This is also a good reminder for those who've been here for a while and may have become complacent, I know for one I have a tad bit.

      Great posts guys.

      [–]Heyimtitel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      This alone should be a post, not only a comment. I'll save it.

      [–]TheSleeperRiseth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Very concise and valuable post! Focus on discipline and self-mastery. You can't change the environment, you can't change "her", but you damn well can change yourself.

      [–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is one of the best trp comments ive ever read. A+

      [–]1NV0K3R 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      But how can we be shitlords if it's about bettering ourselves?

      [–]deeman010 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The only part that I can't get behind fully is the thing about "coolness" cause people make careers (and a boat load of cash) out of it.

      [–]Enjoyitbeforeitsover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      There was a post that was all REQUIRED RED PILL READING!! It was an immense list of videos. Since im always trying to get shit done and avoid distractions is there a point to go through that post when you summed up quite well what the whole fucking point of the red pill is?

      [–]DwightWolftail 29 points30 points  (4 children)

      I agree , But I also think that oneitis is mostly fueled by scarcity mentality . That is the real reason why oneitis happens . That , and of course the damaged male ego .

      [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Agree, one of the most futile and counter productive things about being BP is developing oneitis before you even start dating the girl

      [–]imthemanyesiam 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      For the most part this is true but there have been times where I was fuckin several girls but all I could think about was getting her back.

      Thats behind me now tho

      [–]Chinzon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I frequently come back to this post when I feel myself relapse towards my oneitis. I notice it coincides with times that my game isn't at its best

      [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Damaged or ineffectively applied ego. Knowing when it's futile or the cost far outweighs the benefit is they key.

      Scarcity is a huge cause of oneitis.

      [–]RedPillscientist 43 points44 points  (16 children)

      It's hard to do because males have ego and her rejection/difficulty/bitchy behavior get under a man's skin. We MUST conquer...

      In order to let shit go, one must kill the ego. Train yourself to think rationally instead of emotionally and the world bends to your reality, not the other way around.

      [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (8 children)

      I often wonder why men develop this ego? It's what causes us to develop oneitis, and there's nothing that would scare a girl off faster than that. Why is something that appears to be innate (perhaps it's learned? But I don't think so) the absolute worst strategy we could have for attracting a mate? Is it mother's natures way of weeding out the betas? Or perhaps society selectively breed betas to perpetuate this behaviour (after all, BB often do end up reproducing).

      [–]RedPillscientist 12 points13 points  (2 children)

      That's the flaw in human psychology and higher intelligence. We want what we can't have. The brain is constantly calculating alternate scenarios of "what if?". OP's post resonated with me and will with some of you for that same reason.

      I'm sure you will think back to that one girl after you read it...I sure as hell did. But the trick I've learned is to accept it for what it is, not how you want it to be. Remain rational, remain calm, and recognize it's just your emotions highjacking your thoughts.

      [–]king_of_red_alphas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm sitting here at my office park where all the food trucks come at lunch time. It's a beautiful day out and in the midst of all these sweaty fat nerds, up walks a incredibly hot blonde in a small white dress and pumps.

      I feel immediately tense because, well, I want to bang this girl like crazy. This is basically a physical reaction to me. I could see all of the nerds tense up and start trying to sneak peeks at her while she was waiting.

      She definitely represented the "what I can't have" and the "what if?" scenarios you are talking about.

      I haven't had sex or a "release" of any kind in almost 2 weeks. It's hard to hold frame internally when you're that horny and you see such a perfect target for your hornieness right in front of you.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      yes I certainly did think back to that one girl. It's just interesting how much grief it caused me, when I knew to control my actions and never let it show, but how it's likely my oneitis which scared her away to begin with.

      [–]S_0ci0path 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Your ego brought you here. Ego is useful to the extent that it makes you more capable of achieving your wants and needs.

      In my opinion there are positive and negative ego feedback loops. Positive ego feedback loops often result when you are either at your lowest or when you have so much ambition for every project and goal that it makes you get off your lazy ass. Negative feedback loops are based of the scarcity mentality and are a result of linking the inflated appearance of yourself with reality, mostly due to incapability; Laziness.

      [–]bluedrygrass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Don't take any trp theory too literally and scientifically. Oneitis is instinctive and strong in every one, as we've seen repeatedly with alpha, successfull males developing oneitis even for total whores.

      A reason could be our millennia of civilized evolution. Couples were tendentially stable in the past, so it might be male oneitis was advantageous back then. And as always, females didn't develop it as they didn't develop most other interpersonal tools, like loyalty, honour, respect, emphaty, because they didn't need to.

      Females have always, troughout history, been kept in a bubble, protected, feeded, defended without asking anything in exchange, thus stunting their evolutionary development.

      At least, this in the wester regions. In the rest of the world, where females have always been treated pretty much like cattle (middle east, the whole Asia, Africa), every aspect of females life was controlled and regimented, so even there natural selection and evolution was impossible.

      So, positive, non-egotistical traits were never really selected in females, leaving them with random, selfish behavioural ones.

      This also explain why so many female choices are purelly destructive, losing ones. Like betrying even alphas with skinny fat junkies, or killing their own childs, or raising them as beta slaves (every female does that, and as we well know, it's almost like killing a man's future), and so on and so on.

      No reasons, just lack of reasons.

      [–]Trpdoc -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

      This has become an issue in today's world of unconstrained hypergamy. it was not a problem before

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      except hypergamy is natural, women have always wanted to do it, it's only society that used to direct them away from it.

      [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 4 points5 points  (6 children)

      I would say modify rather than eliminate. You're right, the competitive nature of us can be our downfall, but it can also be our greatest asset. It depends greatly on what the value of the "win" happens to be, some are worth the effort and single mindedness while others are not. Goals are achieved by focusing on that goal and pursuing it with an unrelenting drive to reach it. Being the best at some mundane thing with low or zero value is essentially useless. Who gives a fuck if you're great at Call of Duty? What good is it if there is no benefit?

      Making a girl a goal is usually a bad idea, it can motivate you to improve our change your life for the better, but like any goal you need to realize some goals cannot be reached no matter what you do, and some are an exercise in futility. You can have a goal to walk on the surface of Venus, but it will never happen, and would kill you if you did. Chasing some chick that isn't interested or is repulsed by you, blindly deluding yourself that you can win her over and laying waste to your life by focusing on her is as useful as planning to go walking on Venus.

      Improving your life and self so you can attract girls, but not fixating on any particular one is somewhat less futile, but doing it just for female attention will result in disappointment. Improving your game and realizing there is no special girl made just for you, but thousands that will want you can be beneficial. You won't settle for second best, you want to achieve, and you want to win, that is the positive side of ego. Working out harder to get stronger so you can be a state champion is also a positive side of ego. Not letting go of some bitch who wants to suck a different dick because you think you have to "win" or because you think nobody else is as good or will want you is the bad side.

      Using my ego to become good at many things in my life has paid off very well. I've been able to do things, see places, and have experiences in my life that many never will, due to my competitive nature and my ego pushing me father than willpower ever could.

      Hopefully trying to win the affection of some strumpet or slut and deluding yourself into believing you have a chance will cost you. Use it rather than destroy it. Channel it, make it work for you, be aware of what you're doing and the outcome of your effort. If the cost is greater than the benefit, move on to something more beneficial. Girls are rarely beneficial.

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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        [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 3 points4 points  (4 children)

        I've avoided my ex for two years, while she stalks me online and keeps tabs on where I live. I wouldn't be surprised if she is following this throw away too. She knows my life is improving, and that I'm building despite her best efforts to destroy me out of spite. When she sees me again, she will lament what she fucked up especially now that she is alone and unwanted while I fuck girls half my age. Ah yes, schadenfreude is very satisfying.

        I'm doing this for me, but it's a nice bit of frosting with a cherry on top that she will know how badly she fucked up. I could go the rest of my life without seeing her and not be bothered. What would I want with a post wall homely chick that lies and cheats? I'll take the young ones who also lie and cheat, at least they look good doing it and riding my cock.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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          [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Around here it's impossible to find attractive girls of any age on okc, most are enormous blood type gravy hamplanets or single moms. Fuck that noise.

          My first ex is 42, huge, weighs more than I do and I'm packing lots of muscle. She has to slide through doorways, bitch is over 270. She is married to an abject loser, completely spineless wimp. The second is 33, lives with her parents and has part time jobs she is unqualified for and incapable of doing. Meanwhile I'm fucking rocking it, building my home by hand and kicking ass. I look better every day and more muscle is showing up due to the immense work I'm doing.

          I go up, they go to shit. They got off on the wrong floor, ride is over bitch. Gtfo.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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            [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            My time in the military provided ample proof and examples of lazy, incompetent, overbearing, loser bitches.

            [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

            Supply and Demand set prices.

            Treat women as if there is an endless line waiting to please you (because there is). They drop their price quickly.

            It seems to me the MGTOW and anger phase guys are focussed on the demand (wrong) side of the equation. They think if they give up their desire for pussy then the price will drop. True....but its much more rewarding to raise your game where you can take or leave any one female. Plenty more out there if you are a quality man.

            [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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            [–]king_of_red_alphas 1 point2 points  (4 children)

            What happened to the "sexual strategy" part. IMO, this whole movement trying to turn red pill into some kind of Tony Robins type feel good shit is silly.

            All of the tips here should be in the context of sexual strategy not some nebulous pursuit of self improvement. There are plenty of other forums for that.

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]king_of_red_alphas 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              The irony of course is that anybody that was truly in that state would not be on TRP. This isn't an insult or criticism of TRP but more of a call for honesty.

              The whole notion of telling a person that to get what they want they should simply not want it is as old as time. It's a very philosophical issue and is obviously a good lesson to learn in life.

              My argument is that, we are staying here on TRP that we want to improve ourselves as a means to improve our standing in the SMP.

              I know things go deeper than that, but personally I find this whole "you shouldn't care about fucking hot birches" a bit pointless.

              If we didn't care about that we wouldn't be on TRP, we'd be in monk mode.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              For the non-sexual strategy self-improvement, what are some of the forums of which you speak?

              [–]bluedrygrass -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Wow, perfect summary, it's hard to phrase a better one equally short.

              Micro-sidebar material.

              [–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (8 children)

              The dating market is so skewd that trying to get in the "action" is a colossal waste of time. Yes enjoy the easy pickings but remember that the internet and social media has forever elevated women's options and trying to out alpha every guy online is stupid. Re-evaluate your life goals and forget the rest. I know it's hard with hormones raging but that's the current state of society and men need to adjust to survive.

              Social media has made marriage obsolete and made every girl into a princess/whore. That's why having kids is futile. Your wife will most likely divorce you and take them away. Only time and hardships will correct human behavior from primal roaches to spiritual light beings.

              [–]slay_it_forward 7 points8 points  (7 children)

              There needs to be a caveat. Your post should of started with, In the Western world......

              I felt very desired spending the last year in asia and eastern europe. Now after being back in Canada for a week, I feel like a low life piece of shit again based on the receptivity of the women here.

              [–]Avedas 6 points7 points  (2 children)

              Depends on the country. Hong Kong, high quality mainland Chinese, and high quality Korean girls are probably the highest maintenance women I've ever come across in my life. Absolute hypergamy. Japan is a bit better but the whole society is incredibly beta by culture. Also from what I've seen, Japanese girls don't give a shit about foreigners unless they want to use him to learn English or he speaks Japanese. Funny how as soon as I start talking to a girl in Japanese she never makes another attempt at speaking English with me ever again.

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 5 points6 points  (1 child)

              Religious women are where it is at man. In my experience the women who have the fear of god in them are far less likely to be whores, cheat or just be trashy in general. They also come from better families.

              I'm an atheist and my gf prays to god everyday. Women behave when they think someone is judging them.

              [–]Avedas 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Been there, bored out of my mind. I'd rather be single than do that again, but to each their own I suppose.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              I just got back from Central America.. I feel the same. I was a king there now I'm back to being a pawn. Guess where I will relocate in the next 10 years?

              [–]slay_it_forward 0 points1 point  (2 children)

              I'm in Montreal. Not a single decent match in a city over 2 million. I'm not a bad looking guy. In EE my Tinder was blowing up. The grass is definitely greener.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Yeah I hear ya, I'm in Miami now and it's the same shit. Unless you look like a model or have serious money the "good girls" will not be impressed unless you date at work which is risky. I was raised in Montreal so I know where you are coming from ( I salute you Lui Marco style).

              [–]scarletspider3 13 points14 points  (1 child)

              You should always keep in mind that her hypergamous nature will not let her ever have oneitis for any man. Hypergamy is always on the lookout for something better. So why should you let yourself get oneitis for her?

              [–]king_of_red_alphas 5 points6 points  (2 children)

              While all these "women don't matter" posts are admirable, it flies in the face of the human experience and amounts to a kind of hamstering IMO.

              There are no unicorns, but if you've lived long enough, you know that women DO vary in quality and thus some women will be more deserving of "pursuit" than others.

              It's not Fuji vs Gala apples. It's ripe sweet apples vs bruised, bitter nasty apples with worms in it.

              Sure we all want to imagine ourselves as the indifferent alpha who has a harem of 9's at our disposal, but that'a not reality for the vast majority of even top 20% men.

              TRP is a forum for "sexual strategy". Not a forum for "learning to love yourself so you don't need sex with hot women". It's literally about how to effectively improve yourself with the purpose of upping your SMV.

              It's not about hamstering about "bitches ain't shit". It's about identifying what you want and figuring out how to get it.

              If you are gonna twist "oneitis" to basically mean "any girl you actively want to bang" or "any girl you have sexual thirst for" then the word has no meaning.

              Also, this whole "abundance mentality" thing can often reek of PUA fakery. Abundance can't just be a "mentality" it needs to be a reality for you to fully internalize it.

              [–]Clockshade 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              I'm pretty sure you were misreading the interpretation on "oneitis" above. What I took away from it was that if you are just focused on some girl, like you think about how you're gonna bang her too much, you become a little obsessive, you forget about her flaws, you get stuck with her in your head; that's unhealthy, it's oneitis. It's good to think about a girl you want to have sex with when you're around her, interacting with her, but if you just think about some woman you want to fuck or be with when those thoughts have no real positive effect on your life, that's oneitis.

              [–]king_of_red_alphas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              True with that. I guess I misread it as another "I'm so alpha I don't ever lust after girls no matter how hot they are" rather than saying "be mindful of letting a girl occupy your thoughts to an unreasonable extent"

              There tends to be a ton of "all or nothing" thinking on TRP.

              [–]TheRiseAndFall 3 points4 points  (3 children)

              How do you deal with what I assume are pair-bonding residual feelings that you have for a girl when you spend a lot of time with her? Yes, I know one can go out and bang a bunch of other girls, but if they mean nothing to you but a lay, then they do not exactly replace those feelings you develop for someone you spend a lot of time with, especially if it was very intimate. On the other hand, if you just replace her with another girl, and then another, you are just trying to fill this weird "feelings" void over and over. Is this not exactly what causes women to become "broken" after riding the CC and losing their ability to pair bond?

              I would genuinely like some advice on how to "move on" as a man from a woman you enjoyed close company with for a long time. Sex is not hard to get, and I do not like spending time with women as a friend, just talking. But I enjoy spending time laying in bed with a girl wrapped around me who wants me to hold her tight and make her forget about the rest of the world. Yeah, it's sappy romantic crap that's left over from by Beta days, but it is a great feeling to be wanted in that way, even if she doesn't care about me specifically, but rather about how I make her feel.

              I am just starting out on this whole plate spinning path, but I am also rising slowly in my career and am getting started in racing. All of these things take up a lot of my time, so women are more of an incidental part of my life, and the couple that I am seeing now are only in my life because they barged their way in. I don't have the time to chase them.

              [–]1oldredder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              do better things with your time. Once enough time has passed don't let a new bond form. Done. Now this problem will never be yours again.

              [–]1ErasmusOrgasmus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I would genuinely like some advice on how to "move on" as a man from a woman you enjoyed close company with for a long time.

              The two best ways I know to get over a girl:

              1. No contact, cold turkey. This lifesaving advice saved my ass from being a whimpering beta after my first major breakup. It requires serious discipline not to even answer your phone when she calls you at 10pm and you're laying there thinking of her but it is so worth it. For the sake of clarity, no contact is absolute and means delete her number, delete her snapchat, delete her Facebook, delete everything. Nothing you do should acknowledge her existence, thus including merely answering her attempts to contact you. If she calls, you reject it or let it ring. Your 'mutual friends' will accuse you of being ruthless or hurtful - don't give a fuck, you're doing what you need to do for your own mental health and nothing whatsoever ever takes precedence over that.

              2. Maintain balance in your life. Besides failing to go no contact, most guys struggle with breakups because they lose the balance in their lives. They will either let things slide by giving up on their hobbies, putting less effort into their studies or losing interest in hanging out with their buddies, or they will overcompensate by trying to fill the void with random clubs sluts or worse, another LTR. Maintain balance. What this means precisely will vary from guy to guy but generally it means keep pursuing your hobbies and interests, keep lifting and playing the sports you like, keep putting the effort in with your friends, keep taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing, keep focussing on your studies / work and don't lose sight of your goals.

              [–]slerpaderp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You're not alone bro. Still getting over my spring LTR breakup. Time is the only thing that has helped, really, besides the typical TRP stuff. The post-breakup depression can be a pretty nasty cycle, but even if you're taking a step back every once in a while, as long as you stay dedicated to taking extra steps the next day, it gets better.

              I grew up being such a sap (aka full beta), that it has been a challenge undoing the hardwiring, but you just gotta keep at it.

              It always helps me when I think of all of my ancestors who died in awful ways to ensure my survival, and I'm here moping about something as insignificant as a breakup as a young adult.

              Makes you feel a little dumb for a second, but always helps snap me out of it.

              [–]Hennez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              If you can't exercise your ability to walk away at any point in any situation then you're not the one in power.

              I can walk away from anything and everything and can deal with the consequences of doing so.

              [–]Assassin1476 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              This is very straightforward and very easy to understand. Good post.

              [–]Dexontronox 16 points17 points  (5 children)

              Fucking hell. This post has taken a great lesson and turned it in to a shitstorm of cliche and bullshit.

              Women are not a fucking commodity. They're people. Women can be exceptionally shitty people, but they're people nonetheless.

              The lesson that should be taken from this post is "If you are unwilling to walk away from a woman should she prove intractable, unavailable, or disappointing, you have oneitis regardless of your reason for that unwillingness." That is just good common sense, you don't need to dehumanise women for this point to work.

              Don't bend over backwards for a woman, focus on your own improvement, prioritise your own happiness, but act like people aren't worth your time when you have a good reason, not just because you don't want to consider them as human as you are.

              [–]voomer53 18 points19 points  (0 children)

              Women are not a fucking commodity. They're people. Women can be exceptionally shitty people, but they're people nonetheless.

              They're PWV's (people with vaginas) The vagina is the commodity.

              [–]ITHOUGHTYOUMENTWEAST 11 points12 points  (2 children)

              Sex is transactional in nature. They absolutely are a commodity, their looks and beauty are their worth. If they bring more, then great. Luckily they don't have to.

              They aren't a commodity in the sense that they are to be bought and sold, that's inhuman and awful, but getting so infatuated with one is ridiculous. They are easily replaced.

              [–]king_of_red_alphas 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Well for that matter any human being is "easily replaced" when it comes right down to it.

              [–]ITHOUGHTYOUMENTWEAST 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Absolutely. Men are even easier to replace in my opinion. I think most of us here want to grow independent of all that bullshit by becoming as great as we can be.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              fucking brilliant post...and i'd like to ass a small dose of a remedy as well for guys just looking to nail down a date and start spinning some plates.

              The 2-3 or NONE rule....Have 2-3 girls you are communicating with and setting up dates so if one flakes you give zero fucks and refill the pipeline.

              The moment you set your eyes on one girl and start imagining yourself putting it in her butthole....oneitis symptoms start to appear.

              I am guilty of this myself this week and needed a reminder. A hot ass yoga babe was sending me nudes and I def let my mind get too focused on her...that translates into her hearing from you a little too much and we know that is never a good thing.

              2-3 girls or none...go hit the gym and train, one girl will bring out the onetis in ya

              [–]1ErasmusOrgasmus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Agreed (although not always easy to achieve for obvious reasons). One of the hardest elements of TRP to nail is the IDGAF attitude but it's actually hard to give a fuck when one girl is on her way over in nothing but her underwear and a coat while another is texting you arranging to come round tomorrow night.

              [–]thefisherman1961 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Oneitis has, by far, been my most frequent and most serious Blue Pill sin throughout my life.

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 5 points6 points  (11 children)

              Am I anti red pill for thinking a women can be more than a vagina?

              My LTR of 18 months is also my closest friend. Yes she's a women and I don't treat her as a male friend. Yet after being with her for 18 months she has started to pick up my sense of humour and she can actually make me laugh from time to time. We travel together, study together etc.

              I'm not trying to say I rely on her I'm just saying I genuinely enjoy spending time with her other than just for sex. The sex is still good, we just have a lot of common interests.

              "No matter what reasons you have for wanting a woman, there is always another women with what you want. Chase, appreciate, but do not become stuck"

              I can geniunely say that deep down this is not true for me. I don't have high expectations for women so when I find one who has common interests and is generally a pleasure to be around I assume this is as good as it gets. I think she is incredibly sexy and while I look at other women from time to time, given the choice I'd rather have sex with my GF. I feel like these random bitches don't deserve my time where as this girl has at least proven she's worth it. In fact I've even gone as far to pretend to be into other women so my GF doesn't get too comfortable, when I'm not at all.

              So I guess I have oneitis, but I understand the risks that she cld dump/cheat on me. I feel like I'm mentally strong enough to deal with this and move on from it fairly quickly.

              I guess I'm just asking how this all fits into the Red Pill. Most responses will just be "lol ur beta", I'm not sure if I fit into this community anymore because I'm in a LTR.

              [–]TRP VanguardWhisper[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

              I guess I'm just asking how this all fits into the Red Pill. Most responses will just be "lol ur beta", I'm not sure if I fit into this community anymore because I'm in a LTR.

              I am in an LTR. /u/Archwinger is married.

              The dynamics are basically the same. You just have to keep it in your fucking mind that the dynamics are basically the same. You don't ever get to stop running game. When you stop running game, that is when she starts drifting towards the gravitational field of Planet Thundercock.

              You see, your girl doesn't love you the way your mom loved you. Your mother loved you because you are her son, and she's programmed to love you. You didn't have to do anything to get that love.

              But that's how women love children, not how they love men. They love men for the way they experience those men, and the way those men make them feel. If you stop being attractive to her, she will stop loving you. If you stop doing the things that make you attractive to her, you will stop being attractive to her. And Chad is always there. He doesn't even have to be better than you. He just has to push the buttons.

              Women are by nature, followers, because they follow their feelings, in sort of tropism which allows anyone who can influence what they feel to have a great deal of control over them. This means you can't just get the woman, put the woman on the shelf alongside your console videogames and your books and your bowling trophy, and go back to being who you were. Women require maintenance.

              You must continue to push/pull, apply soft dread, recognize and pass shit tests, be outcome independent, have abundance mentality, lead and initiate, demonstrate high value, and so forth. Your task becomes easier because she has already accepted you, but it still is work that has to be done.

              If you aren't gaming your girl, someone else will.

              [–]_the_shape_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Women require maintenance.

              Possibly the strongest argument in favor of MGTOW

              [–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 13 points14 points  (4 children)

              I feel like these random bitches don't deserve my time where as this girl has at least proven she's worth it

              That's how the Fall always starts out, man. It's a LTR, it's almost inevitable. You start to really like your girl, even love her. You assume that's a good thing, and she even seems to reciprocate for a little while...

              Then, all of a sudden you notice something else. Blowjobs have mysteriously reduced themselves down to once a week. Ok cool, it's not "new relationship yay" honeymoon any more, you deal with that. Then she makes you feel like she's doing you a favour when you have sex at all. It's subtle, but it's there. Ok cool, you think to yourself, maybe she's just confused right now, all that stress at work, you love this girl, you will work through this together. She's way more than just a vagina to you, after all. You let her know as much, too. Just so you two are 100% on the same page. Communication. It's really key. Right?

              Right, but right around this point is where she's typically already "communicating" with Chad. Not because she's especially evil trying to betray you, not any more than any other woman. It's not even about you for the most part - it's simply her instincts kicking in. Might not be fucking him yet, but it's a one way train, no matter how much the hamster spins the opposite direction, makes no difference. She started moving in that direction, and she will soon arrive at Thundercock Station right on schedule.

              Here's the question I have for you: at what point did you make a mistake or do something wrong that tanked this relationship? I think you'll find, by thinking it over, that there is no single identifiable point like that. It was on a continual downward slope, that started when you permitted yourself the unforgivable luxury of treating a woman like she ain't ain't shit. Don't get me all wrong, you can show her love, absolutely. Make her swoon with epic compliments, when the time's just right. But deep down, alone with yourself, there has to be that brutal clarity - this bitch ain't shit. If you fail, you're sliding downslope, "relationship physics" is working against you instead of for you.

              [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 6 points7 points  (1 child)

              we just have a lot of common interests.

              Freddy, you think your interests are common. She is the seducer here... Women will act like chameleons, altering themselves as they vie for social acceptance and to fit into the life of the man they desire. Their words are lies, their emotions are fake, but they're so accustomed to making contortions, they believe what they feel.

              In The Predatory Woman, Rev. Lawrence Shannon warns, "When you begin to fraternize with a woman, you are taking the first steps in a ritual mating dance that, if allowed to progress, will result in your moving about the floor in a semi-comatose state until you are fleeced of your money, property, and peace of mind.

              "A predatory female will study you. She learns to know what you are thinking. She begins the strongest primeval death grip known to mankind...

              "The chameleon syndrome is the predatory female's unholy ability to become whatever the script calls for in "hooking" a man. She will adopt his viewpoints, his attitudes, his hobbies, and his dislikes. Her personality will change to suit his. She will enroll in classes, become a gourmet cook, stop smoking, switch religions, accept his friends, humor his jealousies, develop a relationship with his relatives, or whatever else is called for."

              A man forms the container (frame), and a woman is the water that adapts. She immerses herself into his world. A man has to maintain a separateness, otherwise he reciprocates and blends into her female persona.

              All that being said, I've been married 30+ years and my wife is very dissimilar to me (in a good way), and most of her interests differ from mine. Don't be conned by the similarity angle.

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Don't get me wrong we differ in many ways, she's very girly and loves makeup, bad romance tv series, body pump classes and gossip.

              However we're both studying the same subject at uni and have somewhat similiar career goals. We also have very different skills. I'm actually talented at my chosen career and have good technical skill where as she is really good at making guys do things for her (lots of beta's here in australia)

              , will result in your moving about the floor in a semi-comatose state until you are fleeced of your money, property, and peace of mind.

              Jokes on her I don't have any money or property.

              I get what you're saying though, I never had any misconceptions it was very clear to me when she would do something just for me, and I saw it as a kind enough gesture.

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              That's how the Fall always starts out, man. It's a LTR, it's almost inevitable. You start to really like your girl, even love her. You assume that's a good thing, and she even seems to reciprocate for a little while...

              Then, all of a sudden you notice something else. Blowjobs have mysteriously reduced themselves down to once a week. Ok cool, it's not "new relationship yay" honeymoon any more, you deal with that.

              Yup this already started happening. I was expecting it because it's been 18 months and tbh we had so much sex I was actually not needing it so much. If I'm honest with myself, I doubt I could get blowjobs more than once a week if I was single.

              Then she makes you feel like she's doing you a favour when you have sex at all. It's subtle, but it's there. Ok cool, you think to yourself, maybe she's just confused right now, all that stress at work, you love this girl, you will work through this together.

              Yup my LTR has very recently started to do this but I'm not fooling myself I know it's a decline and my commitment to her is directly proportional to the amount of poon I'm getting. She has some problems with her lady parts for the last week, so this has been our longest break. And no, she's notlieing, I saw it and it was off putting.

              Here's the question I have for you: at what point did you make a mistake or do something wrong that tanked this relationship? I think you'll find, by thinking it over, that there is no single identifiable point like that. It was on a continual downward slope, that started when you permitted yourself the unforgivable luxury of treating a woman like she ain't ain't shit. Don't get me all wrong, you can show her love, absolutely. Make her swoon with epic compliments, when the time's just right. But deep down, alone with yourself, there has to be that brutal clarity - this bitch ain't shit. If you fail, you're sliding downslope, "relationship physics" is working against you instead of for you.

              Yes there is a decline. I honestly don't see the sexual decline as something I did wrong or a mistake I made in the relationship. I had a choice, break up with her at 6 months or continue the relationship with less sex. Now the sex went from 10 times a week a the start to about 3 times a week. I'm completely fine with this as I actually had enough sex to curb my appetite.

              I've made it clear to her many times that without sex, three times a week (at least), I will not be her boyfriend and have soft nexted her a few times only to have her running back DTF. That being said I know this isn't a sustainable model and I don't see how our relationship can continue. I predict it will patter out to the end of the year, 2 years is probably the longest an LTR should go.

              [–]crimson_capsule 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              That is not true at all. LTRs are fine. I am like you and I cannot tolerate public women. It takes a lot to finally let someone be on my schedule on a regular basis. I have no interest in pickup, spinning plates, games, or other shit.

              Yes the majority here are not interested in LTRs but I believe that is because of the younger demographic here, societal norms, and many being in the anger phase.

              The take away from OP is be ready and willing to walk away if you see fit and do not male hamster why she is so special and perfect. Do not get caught up in one womans way. Remeber number 1...you.

              It sounds like you have a good setup and you should keep it if that is what you want. Just do not fall for the fallacy of love (nothing more than a chemical reaction that gets men where women want them) and as mentioned, always remember you can replace her anytime and make her aware of that through your actions (which sounds like you do so good, keep it up).

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Okay cool, I remember when I was in the anger phase I just wanted to pull girls heart strings and then dump them hard. Now that all that is over I see the value of not being angry all the time.

              [–]kazaul 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              You're onto something about the onesitis and moving on. A well-adjusted man, or one listening to his instinct instead of BP conditioning, will always replace what is lost with something new – applies to women too, obviously. There may be emotions or feelings involved but gut instinct shows the way forward and it can be callously indifferent. I felt this first hand a little while back, when I "fell in love" for the first time in years. Despite the overwhelming emotional cocktail and attached emotions, I was aware the relationship was nothing magical and might die at any moment. The situation simply is the way it is and, when it inevitably falls apart, the girl will be replaced by someone else. Fuck knows who. I can't spin plates worth my life (TRP would lynch me, I presume) but that hasn't stopped me from moving from one girl to the next, even before TRP. The relationship process is just way more predictable now and transitions are smoother... except when it isn't so.

              And this is where my opinion differs from most of TRP, because I do not believe that caring for a human being and wanting companionship means one cannot be RP and act appropriately. Again drawing on personal experience: I am close friends with at least four women whom I have at one point or another had romantic or sexual relations with. They are not lesser friends for that and, while they're obviously women and act like it, they are more than just pussy. Rather, they are social assets and sources of companionship when I require it - plus they make a wonderful test bed for observing RP theory in practice. According to most of this Sub, these sorts of relationships are slippery slopes but I am unable to see the downside. The only danger is becoming an emotional tampon or a beta orbiter. But any guy with even half an idea of how to handle women can keep that crap in control and maintain a useful and healthy friendship (provided the women can add value to ones life, that's kinda implied). It isn't magic. It may not be stereotypical "Alpha" bad boy behavior but it's a far cry from as poisonous as people make it out to be.

              One case in particular drives the "not just pussy" point home: the last girl I "replaced". In my opinion, my Fall in relation to her began a year back but it never actually fell apart even though I lost frame in a spectacularly psychological breakdown. Rather than do the (in my mind) sane thing and find a new guy (or girl) to fuck around with, she stuck with me for over six months. I grew increasingly confused and frustrated by the situation until I finally realized this is that one-in-a-million case where she will simply not do the logical thing. She was not going to risk our friendship at any cost, no matter how screwed up things got (low self-esteem on her part?). So I had to take the first step and find another girl. Unusual but it does happen. I didn't believe it could either; shows how much I know.

              [–]Freddy_Fedora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Well I've expected my girl to break up with me 50+ times. Sometimes for being too red pill (chicks rubbing their tits in my face right infront of her) and other times for being too blue pill (lost my job and had a slump/mini-depression thing).

              That being said if we broke up I would be said, but also a little excited because I would finally be able to (and feel motivated) to get back out there.

              [–]McLarenX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Thank you. A ton of people here still don't get this.

              [–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Fucking hell this hit home. It was just the medicine I needed.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              My ex rang me up begging me to take her back. My response? I simply positioned the phone next to my ass, and then let last nights curry do the talking.

              [–]boblordofevil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Um... But if women are just vaginas aren't men just dicks? I mean, I agree with your point about not getting hung up on, "the one", that's short sighted and self defeating, but to say all women are just holes for us to put our penises in is... Stupid. I'm sorry, The Red Pill, I like alot of your ideas but human beings are more than their sex organs. So are all animals and life. We have many functions and human beings are particularly complex. I think we should not perpetuate the idea of objectification.

              [–]crimson_capsule 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Never pay more than market value for that apple. Found a gold one? Dont buy it...extraordinarily expensive, zero benefit to your health, dead weight you have to carry around, and it really is only good looking on the exterior. Shit you cant even eat it! And are you really that hungry that you need that rotten apple? Get botulism or some shit and regret it the rest of your life.

              [–]textualintercourse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I'm going through this right now. This girl is full on awesome and a freak in all the ways I'm interested in and I see myself already getting the 'infatuation' going on. Gotta cut that shit out ASAP.

              [–]MyRedAccount 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              In my younger years I straight out got bitched at by the exes a couple of times for some of these. They don't like it, and if they still have a smidge of respect for you they will tell you, "What is wrong with you?"

              [–]AllCircuitTeam105 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              another type; the hero complex

              the idea that she needs you

              [–]franklyforthright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Solid post. A good way to compartmentalize and deface any women. You can apply this to men as well.

              [–]macd753 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              First time commenter, I've known about this sub for a year and have been checking out more posts lately. Great post and comments, cheers.

              [–]phillip42069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Amazing post. Couldn't be more spot on.

              [–]1commentatorX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              No. You're wrong!! Some apples are different, and stay fresh and tasty forever. You just don't know them like I do!... /s

              The hardest truth of all; 'she's just another girl'. Good post.

              [–]the_red_scimitar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Honestly, I've never heard oneitis described as obsession alone. It's a mindset about there even being a "one".

              [–]through_a_ways 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Marriage is the most extreme form of oneitis

              [–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Great post, I wish they were all like this. Saved.

              [–]aherne18 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              True, but we all have to admit that women are VERY variable in quality. Call it "blue pill", but I would say there are a few worthy of being infatuated of: submissive / funny / sensual / beautiful / whatever turns you on like crazy. They are not "just another woman"... Just one thing must be remembered: "He who cannot cast away a treasure, at need, is in chains." One must be able to disconnect at any time!

              A year before I was infatuated of someone in my work place who fitted all qualities above:) Seeing she had no interest in me, I pursued more available women, but to a large extent she was in my mind all along. Perhaps because at age 30 she was still beautiful, shy and acting defensive (the kind of woman one would have children with)? Then we all went for a team building in a club. She looked fabulous, so I instantly approached her but "lost frame because she's super hot" (a DON'T 101). What followed next is predictable: she jilted me as if I'm some kind of scum, then gave all of her attention to a hard-to-get alpha male. Pretty classic stuff, isn't it? Except my reaction... Instead of feeling wounded, I followed my instincts and looked around for available pussy:) In the end I actually had a great time, met a group of 3 (of which one was about to marry, but VERY ready to fuck), had fun with one and got all the attention I deserved. My oneitis watched all along, looking the other way every time I surprised her... Her alpha got dead drunk and had to be taken out. So no high status fuck for her this night:D To "save face", she began drinking heavily until she got very drunk too, then approached pretty much all of my colleagues like a cheapest whore.

              Conclusion: 1. There is nothing wrong liking a girl. You just have to keep frame all along... 2. Whenever you think your oneitis is not a whore, too, think twice.