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Field ReportWalk into the Bar even when you don't feel like it (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by SocietalEngineering

Last night, after some potential tinder meetups didn't pan out, I was all dressed up with nowhere to go.

I was just sitting around my house, its 11 at night, I'm just wondering if I should call it an early night or what.

I decide, eh fuck it, I'm gunna go out. It's a Saturday night, no way am I just sitting at home drinking alone. So I hop in my car and drive over to this local bar that I usually only go to on Wednesdays nights (when its packed).

I park in the back, walk up to the entrance to the bar, and realize the place is freaking dead. Like so dead that they closed off half the bar just to make it look like there are some people in there. I'm talking maybe like 20 people in this place, tops.

So I don't even walk in. I'm like fuck this, if I walk in, I'm just gunna sit down for a second, buy a $7 drink, chill for like 5 minutes, and leave. Waste of time. So I go back to my car, and I'm just chilling in my car for a second, talking to my tinder hotties.

And then I realize - look it doesn't matter who the fuck is in the bar. Who cares how dead it is. I realized that I feel uncomfortable walking into a dead bar by myself. I feel uncomfortable doing that. And as soon as I realized that, I knew I had to go in. It has been a long standing rule of mine to run towards the fear. Unlike the common belief, fear is actually an indicator that you need to do it, not a deterrent against doing it.

So I walk into this place, 100 percent alone, not having a plan, not knowing how long I'm going to stay there. I just put one foot in front of the other and moved forward. I go up to the bar, grab my drink. Rum and coke. Bacardi. And there's an MMA fight going on. So I just chill at the bar next to a group of guys and just sip my (for some reason insanely strong) rum and coke, nod my head to the music, and watch the fight.

A few minutes goes by, I'm scoping this place out, and I see 2 HB6s at the bar by themselves.

I say fuck it, might as well walk up and get the practice. I pick the hotter one as my target, make my approach, and start talking about the fight. Mention the Mcgregor fight (we both happened to also be at that bar for that fight as well) we talk about that for a bit.

After a bit of chit chat, I tell my target I'm getting outta here, give me your number and we'll chill again.

She complies, no problem. I peace out.

Moral of the story: just show up. Seriously just fucking show up. Not like I had some sort of rockstar night, but instead of sitting home alone sipping some schnapps and playing starcraft, I put one foot in front of the other, ran towards my fear, confronted my discomfort, and even got a number out of it.

Embrace the discomfort. Push the limits of your comfort zone, always. And approach.

Relevant: Shout out to "Bang" by Roosh V. There was a great section on going out to clubs alone in there that helped me a ton.


[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 277 points278 points  (5 children)

Great mindset bro. Fear is an indicator that you need to do it - I like that a lot and I've found myself doing it more often. It makes you stronger.

[–]Troll_Name 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have long mentioned this special feeling you get when WORK is happening. Learn something valuable? You feel mountains moving inside your mind. Encounter a challenge that must be defeated? Same feeling comes up.

If you don't have that feeling, then you're not getting warmer. Look someplace else.

[–]DodgedAFew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would feel uncomfortable drinking schnapps and playing SC. I guess the fear should be addressed ASAP.

[–]cruzbmx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is a great takeaway for me. fuck risk aversion yo

[–]Oscalev 64 points65 points  (5 children)

You're right. When I see a pack of wild and hungry wolves about to pounce on me and bite my throat, and I feel that fear shoot down my spine, I should sprint head on at them and just show up.

I'm just fucking with ya, this is a good post with some good advice, half the battle is just showing up, ready to play. I know many of the people in here wouldn't have gone in on their own, let alone put the moves on some chicks.

[–]Libertyrminator 15 points16 points  (4 children)

He is just referring to irrational fear.

[–]I_Need_More_Space_ 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yeah, and dude was just joking. Chill.

[–]Oscalev 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Read my whole post numb nuts. Clearly says I was just joking

[–]Libertyrminator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My nuts are full and healthy, thank you for your concern though.

[–]SasquatchMcKraken 52 points53 points  (9 children)

I like this mindset. Solid post. Besides the general point of confronting your discomfort, way too many dudes feel like they can't masturdate (i.e. go out alone). They think it's the pack or nothing, lest they be considered weird or something. I'd be lying if I didn't say I've struggled with this myself. Rather than going out alone last night (plans fell thru also) I made a post which face-planted and spent the rest of the time watching docs with some Kraken rum. Again, solid post.

[–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I've been going out alone a lot but it's much easier to pick up women when friends are around. They don't even have to be visible but the fact I have friends they can meet (if needed) makes them comfortable. People say it isn't odd, but it is. It's not wrong, but it's odd to see a guy by himself at a packed bar, the first question I always get is "where are my friends", or "why? Isn't it uncomfortable...like what do you by yourself?". It makes you mysterious, but it also makes you potentially dangerous. Some girls see it as a red flag and usually need some "comforting". Girls are much more on guard when I'm alone, and I always have a hard time getting the ball rolling as far as building rapport goes but it's easier to close the same night because "she doesn't feel like everyone knows she's going home with me." Friends are always a plus, in my opinion. I could be described as a Sigma somewhat, and I very much tend to make moves alone but with friends I get much better reception. I'm not saying I'm a Sigma I just have no interest in constantly socializing. I rather speak only to people I need to or want to.

One thing that is great to do is that when your at a bar speak to everybody. Small talk the bouncer, the bartenders all the staff, "what's up fellas!" to the one rowdy group of guys , a nice smile and wink to the first group of women (just the one that makes eye contact) and take a seat next to some guy who is quiet but isn't a loser and chat him up
And without being obnoxious, include everyone in the conversation.

After grabbing a drink shit talk some pool players and get a game going. In my opinion go for the table you think you can win at. From my experience people are watching those games. If a cute girl plays before you chat her up while you wait, and suggest partnering up for doubles.

[–]askmrcia 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You have a point about going alone and how others can perceive you.

But I have to disagree. I guess it depends on the bar and the setting you go to.

For instance, if you're traveling for work, do you really plan to sit in your hotel room on a Friday/Saturday night?

I do go out alone often especially now since I just moved to a new city for my job. But in my old city, when I went out alone, I met people while I was there. If its packed, there was plenty of times someone guy/girl pulls me over to their group. Now I'm not saying it happened every single time, but it happened enough to where I enjoyed myself.

If its one thing I can't stand is when people go to bars/clubs in groups because most often then not they stay in those groups.

If a woman thinks you're weird because you're at a bar alone, then fuck her and move on. You can always frame it in a way where it doesn't come across as creepy, such as "friends decided to stay in, my friends left early, but I wanted to come out, left my friends because they wanted to stay at some other bar, wanted to check this place out myself since I've been hearing about it recently, I'm here just to enjoy myself and meet people," ect...

Not everyone is going to think you're weird. In fact most people won't give a shit. When you go out with your boys do you guys look around and call people weird for being at a bar alone? Hell no, it doesn't cross your mind.

[–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly, the key to going out alone is you make the party play out however you want. Speak to everybody.

I don't personally make friends when I'm out a lone because again I usually don't want to speak to those people again. But my face is now recognizable to folks who frequent that bar

[–]SasquatchMcKraken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's true. There's definitely a sort of social proof that comes with being with your boys. But that's where the second part of your comment comes in which I like, namely that you're social with others. Unless their life is in a shit place at that moment, most people are down for some chit chat (in America at least. I know other cultures are more reserved).

[–]MKSsystem 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've struggled with it just the same, but damn, ive had some great nights either going out by myself or sticking around when friends wanted to leave super early

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

"Masturdate" lol love that. On a side note, how is kraken rum? I always see that at the liquor store, it's super dark.

Better than capt morgan?

[–]SasquatchMcKraken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha thanks. And honestly I'd say it is better. I was a Captain Morgan fiend in high school and the start of college. It was probably my favorite alcohol. I still love it to death but I personally prefer Kraken.

[–]yessum447 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Going out alone only works if you tell girls that your friends are somewhere in the venue but you lost them. Going out alone is weird as fuck, communicates that you don't have many friends and that you're not a regular person.

[–]RokSr 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I believe you hit the nail on the head with pushing yourself and getting over that uncomfortable phase. There becomes a point where if you're not pushing yourself, then you're just going to be stuck in the same rut. I agree 100% if you're feeling fear that's when you charge in head first. Whether that's in your personal life, career or even every day challenges. You did great. Keep pushing.

[–]1Sir_Distic 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Not every FR needs to be about slaying the hottest girl around. Each of us has a journey. Some are further along than others. We all have our own. And because of that each FR can help someone.

Now personally being 45 I don't desire to go to bars, clubs etc. Especially alone. I'm too old for that nonsense. However OP is right. Do it because it's uncomfortable. Approaching women is uncomfortable at first. Talking to women any way you feel like is uncomfortable. "You're not supposed to talk to women like that!" Yeah? She seems to enjoy the hell out of it. So go ahead and push your envelope. Say something that is way over the line. Don't be autistic. But go ahead and say crazy shit. "Cute skirt, how far over your head does it go?" Who cares if she's offended?

Good job OP. Keep going out there and bettering yourself daily.

[–]laviksa 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You don't do bars anymore because of your age, so what are your preferred venues where you can have some success as an older guy?

[–]anusbleach11111 22 points23 points  (0 children)

90% of success is just showing up.

Want to get a degree? Show up to college on the first day of class, everything else will follow.

Want to study more? Hit the library, everything else will follow.

Wanna get jacked? Show up at the gym, everyday, everything else will follow. Before you know it you're not craving Big Macs and fries anymore and now for the first time in your life you're actually eating breakfast.

Want a new job? Mail out resumes and just show up for job interviews, everything else will follow

Want to be a doctor/lawyer/electrician? If you never showed up to college to get a degree or never went to the library to form study habits, well tough luck. But otherwise, show up to med/school/law school/trade school, everything else will follow.

Never played sports before but some friends invite you to play ball? Just show up, and before you know it you have a new friend group and are somewhat decent at a sport now.

Want to be a black belt in karate/judo etc.? Show up to the dojo, start with your white belt, everything else will follow.

Want to meet a girl you can potentially date/bang? Show up at the bar/ or wherever else where women are present, approach, and everything else will follow.

I could go on, but you get the point. Almost nothing is possible without taking that first step and working your way up. Whenever you see somebody who does/is/has something you wish to have, that person (unless born into it) never would have had that unless they simply showed up.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

For me it went the other way around: last night (Saturday), I felt like going to a bar, so instead I went to the gym. I put in a respectable workout, went home, ate chicken and went to sleep.

[–]whuttupfoo 30 points31 points  (3 children)

You’ve got a nice writing style. I can tell you aren’t an anger phased dude just by reading this. You sound like you’re on your shit.

[–]Troll_Name 6 points7 points  (2 children)

There are two approaches to shit: doing stuff and thinking stuff. Beware the temptation of thinking stuff.

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You ain't gunna do shit if you can't think shit. Everything on a gradient. Step by step.

If all you can do it is think about it, then think about it. Most people can't even do that.

[–]jashleyren2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Upvoted purely for "beware the temptation of thinking stuff". Too much thinking is the enemy of many of us. Thinking before making a decision? Especially an important one? Not a bad thing. Too much thinking before doing nothing of importance? Bad. Very bad.

[–]pandaholic23 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Good to hear these mediocre story about self development. Tbh, the stories of "then I ended up f closing her in the ass" are still currently out of my league.

[–]Gaeosetum 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm with you there too. I definitely understand OP's mindset and recently did something similar, except it was going out to a bar that was loaded with people by myself. I find that now intimidating that going somewhere where there's so few people.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Might be off on the percentage but it's an old woody allen quote- "90% of success is just showing up"

[–]Troll_Name 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tell people all the fucking time: it isn't that hard to out-compete people who hate themselves. 60th percentile means you failed, 40th percentile means you trolled, bottom percentile means you didn't show up.

[–]VladvonK 6 points7 points  (0 children)

80% of life is simply showing up.

[–]Coolasslife 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I used to be one of those people, and still am once in a while. I would have a hard time finding people to go out with me for drinks, so at some point you have to force yourself to go in solely because you can't sit at home. Then you realize there is nothing to it and no one gives a fuck if you come in alone.

[–]Andgelyo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the time when all my friends bailed at having a fun night in hoboken, so I just ended up going to a bar alone trying to pick up chicks. Got drunk, and acted like my friends ditched me. Ended up grinding with a hipanic with a fat booty later in the night, got no numbers but fuck it, I was trying to have fun lol

[–]afroposer 8 points9 points  (25 children)

Don't want to sound rude, but why spend 7$ on an overpriced drink, then also have a chance to get a DUI over a women or a chance to talk to women? Guys fuck women, who cares about them, once they know you have that attitude they all come for you.

Once I started doing this, I get women hitting on me at my job, grocery store, just because I just stopped giving a fuck. My wallet is more full because of it, I'm reaching my personal goals I have set for myself. Idk, women just don't pass the risk-reward and cost-reward analysis.

[–]ghee99 9 points10 points  (18 children)

you can't get a DUI if you have just only one drink per hour

and this guy only had one drink.

so he is fine.

My only complaint is that he didn't try to get the girl to go home with him that night (instead of JUST getting the number)

but hey... progress, not perfection.

It was a good start!

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

About getting her to come home with me - I actually agree, it would have been cool to push further. That was actually one of the rare nights that my OLTR (who I live with) was doing a night shift and wasn't going to be back until 7 the next morning (another reason I was so eager to not just sit at home alone).

So I definitely could have brought her back if she agreed, but the vibe was just so weird because there was no one in the bar. It was almost like a coffee shop date. Plus she came with her friend.

Maybe you could help me out with that, for next time - how would you recommend that I go about getting the girl to come home with me in a situation like this?

I have no problem just asking her to come home with me in front of her friend, but I feel like that would activate her anti slut defense.

That, and the mood of the bar was so low key that I really wasn't feeling much sexual tension. I was running kino the whole time while talking, but it just felt more playful than sexual.

[–]Troll_Name 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You can get a DUI if you've had zero drinks.

The deadliest assumption to make about the law is that it is predictable. Laws vary from state to state, from courtroom to courtroom, and from hour to hour beneath the same judge.

If you can afford a high power lawyer then you only need to worry about the law for the sake of smaller bills.

[–]ghee99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

still, one drink an hour is fine in all states

[–]afroposer -2 points-1 points  (7 children)

Cops hangout around the bars where I live so if they want to pop you they can. So all you can about is laying with women? This is the reason why i stopped going onto RedPill and surf MGTOW.

Women anit shit but hoes and tricks. Also, why would you want to meet a women at a bar or a club? I'm sure they've been there before and riding the cock-corral. Like I said, doesn't pass the Risk-reward and Cost-reward analysis.

[–]ghee99 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Cops hangout around the bars where I live so if they want to pop you they can.

Not if your blood alcohol level is not over the limit, they can't

some cops are dicks (although, 99% are baseAF) but even a dick-cop won't write a DUI for a sober man

Even if they wanted to, its too hard to fake a breath-a-lizer

[–]kellykebab 11 points12 points  (3 children)

This dude is a fucking shut-in who pretends that not taking risks in life is due to having this super dialed in risk assessment instead of just being a fearful dork.

Acting like this is not Redpill or manly. Sometimes you have to take some dumb risks in life. It makes you stronger and it's fun.

[–]ghee99 1 point2 points  (2 children)

good point

yes, it does seem that way.

i mean, if all he got out of OPs story was to assume that OP had too many drinks (when thats not even mentioned in the story) then yes...

I think you're 100% correct. he's just a shut in avoiding going out and living life fully (and using some risk formula instead of just doing it)

So what if certain things have risk attached? Its better to live life fully, than just to sit on the sidelines and calculate how everyone else is taking too many risks.

[–]kellykebab 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Learning by experience can be a good way to calibrate your risk assessment skills anyway. It's very easy to hold idealized or excessively cautious views by not trying and failing.

I would never recommend that anyone specifically drives drunk, but when you're 16-25, a big part of your life should be engaging in some degree of risk. This will make you smarter, more interesting, and more courageous, which are all skills that will help you down the line.

The older you get, the shorter you realize life actually is. Enjoying the moments and even scaring yourself and testing your limits are a good part of appreciating the small amount of time we have. When you do get older, you lose a bit of that spark, so it's a real big shame to waste it when you have it.

[–]ghee99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well said

I mean, i remember in high school, at around 16 years old, being too drunk to stand up at a keg party, and then getting onto my moped to drive home. I even remember saying to my friends who were holding me up (non-ironically) "just because i can't walk, doesnt mean i can't drive"

granted, I would never do something like that now, and I am happy that I was lucky enough to have never been harmed driving that drunk so many times as a kid...

but i am still glad that i did things like that (or took acid, or did any number of other "crazy" things) in my past.

Thats all part of the journey of of detaching from your parents and becoming your own man. Sadly today, so many youth "fail to launch" and live as perpetual adolescents well into their 20s (sometimes into their 30s)

So, have as much fun as you can, whatever point in life you are (i say). And worry more about being your most awesome, most manly, non-cucked self.

[–]kellykebab 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then stick to MGTOW if you don't want to get laid and get freaked out about a DUI as soon as someone mentions having a cocktail at a bar.

If you think cops catch even 1% of drunk drivers you are severely paranoid.

[–]1swaglordobama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My god you sound absolutely toxic. Do you really not enjoy hanging out with women, having female friends? MGTOW is a bunch of fucking losers.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (6 children)

Literally just from the story he mentions he had at least 2 drinks, one of them being a spirit. Driving after one beer is one thing, driving after multiple spirits is reckless, selfish and most of all retarded

[–]ghee99 8 points9 points  (4 children)

no, he just mentions the one bacardi and coke that he had

he might have had other drinks, but he only mentions the one

besides, you can have one drink an hour (and still be legal to drive)

so, hang out for three hours, have 3 drinks, and you are fine

c'mon, its not like i am in favor of drunk driving, but no need to be a pussy that doesnt drink at all out of fear

[–]afroposer 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You're telling me that once he started talking to the women, he stopped drinking? I dont think so.

[–]ghee99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i have no idea what HE did

I can speak for myself though, when I go to a bar, I buy one drink (tip the bartender very well for that one drink) and then i just nurse it all evening

I don't like to drink, and even more than that, I don't like to pay a lot for a beverage I don't even want

I just figure, ONE drink, and a good tip is fair (if i'm going to be in a bar for a bit)

So... once again, I have no idea what this guy did, but I know I would only have purchased one drink, so i think its certainly possible that he did too (especially since he already mentioned not liking to have to pay $7/per drink)

besides, IF his goal was to actually meet or flirt with women, you can do that so much better if you are NOT drunk, so the fact that he was talking to women means he would be drinking LESS, not more (if he is smart)

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I only had one drink, then ordered 2 glasses of water to sip on while talking to the girls.

That being said, the dangers of "drunk driving" are completely blown out of proportion, and dwi laws are only in place to justify the police state and spread fear in the population.

The truth is, most well trained drivers can safely drive while intoxicated, so long as they don't fall asleep.

Remember, everyone was driving drunk for 50 years with relatively few issues.

[–]kellykebab 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Won't someone think of the children

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Elaborate on meaning of DUI

[–]pullupsNpushups 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I strongly agree. Facing your fears, like approaching women, is only beneficial because you grow from each experience. Facing your fears with a successful outcome gives off a sort of "high" in which you feel amazing, so you definitely get a reward from learning and persevering.

[–]metallicdrama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've always done better in these moments. The hesitation isn't the real you and you bring it out when called upon. Nature always rewards those who heed the call at the moment of truth.

[–]metallica11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

alternatively, have you ever remember a guy strolling into a bar by himself, walking confidentely up to the bar, sitting down, making small talk with the bartender and ordering a drink?

yeah, you probably have, and wondered "damn that guy looks confident".

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 2 points3 points  (0 children)

...run towards the fear. Unlike the common belief, fear is actually an indicator that you need to do it, not a deterrent against doing it.

If you take one thing from this post, this should be it.

Also, I thought for sure this was ending in a 12 point 3-some.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unreal mindset. This is a great lesson for everyone.

[–]VoidInvincible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last two times I have went out alone I have met cool people and made friends. Going out alone is cool. I sit at the bar and calmly drink my margarita and scope the place out, and usually people come to me. Hell, I had people buying me drinks last Friday night. Just show up.

[–]Kinbaku_enthusiast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey it's a simple but inspirational story, Nice. It reminds me to always keep pushing towards fear. It's easy to forget sometimes.

[–]setsuna0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is real. Just show up.

[–]jashleyren2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Showing up has a much higher success rate than crawling back into our caves. I tend to go out by myself all the time because I don't have a solid wing man anymore at my age. I don't mind. Many times, I have only 1 or 2 conversations. many times, it's a positive result. But in the Birmingham, Alabama bible belt, you get some weird experiences flying solo....I assume it's the same in other places, but in different ways...

[–]dewzahundred 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Then the other thread says i should not go out. It's a scam to get me spending money for nothing.

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No risk, no reward. High risk, high reward.

[–]kellykebab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Schnapps? Haha gross.

Good thoughts though

[–]ytfromsnwcrsh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I`ve had very sucessful closings from non planned bar/club/venue explorings.

[–]Cylindt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the mindset we all need when we're a bit afraid. Just fucking do it.

[–]usedsparingly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good stuff man. I'm not even sure I could do that yet but I'm happy you could. Props.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Jesus fucking christ man. What's the point of this story? You got a number woopty fucking doo. The fact that you have to resort to going out alone shows me you have your priorities completely fucked up. Work on yourself, find friends, enjoy yourself and run into girls automatically.

You wasted your entire night trying to fish for pussy. First the bullshit Tinder dates and then the hail mary attempt at the bar. Is this what we should encourage guys to do?

No. No part of this story should sit well with a guy. What's fulfilling about roaming the city alone and hope some bitch lets you pork her hole.

[–]hstabley -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Did you catch Dark vs Innovation the other night?

[–]SocietalEngineering[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What is that, a Starcraft match?

How was it?