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Red Pill TheoryThe Light-Switch Effect - Why Women Re-Write the History of Relationships. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Modredpillschool

I was originally typing this as a comment reply to this thread, but it turned into an entire post.

/u/projectself was writing about how women re-write history towards the end of a relationship:

Re-writing of history - It doesn't matter that she was sending you love notes and texts a month ago. She has been unhappy for a long time now.

I call this the light-switch effect. And it happens when a woman is no longer attracted to you and is moving on, whether or not she cheated.

It's not that she's discrediting all the past good in the relationship, she actually believes it never existed. Let me expand on that a little, and tie it into what we call Briffault's law.

Women use their emotional state to define reality- we already know this. When a man feels an emotion, he asks, what could have caused this emotion? Is it reasonable and rational? Perhaps it is, or is not, but exploring this line of reasoning is how he determines whether or not his feelings match objective reality. If the facts don't line up, perhaps his reaction was wrong.

When a woman feels an emotion, she uses this as her objective reality. Why would she feel betrayed unless somebody had betrayed her? Why would she feel sad unless somebody or something made her sad?

Therefore the decisions she makes based on her reality may seem like total nonsense to a man (women are crazy, right?), because she has determined her reality based on the only prime truth she knows: her emotional state. If a woman is sad, she tells you "you made me sad." She didn't decide her emotional state, you did. Changing her own emotional state is outside the purview of her control.

So that means the emotional state she is experiencing means that you've done something to create that state, intentionally or not. Since she is sad, you've made her sad. Her objective reality states that you've done something wrong to make her sad. This is where a lot of arguments begin, because the man mistakenly will argue "you've taken what I said the wrong way, of course I didn't mean it that way," and to her, it doesn't matter what is rational or reasonable. She is sad and she wouldn't be sad if there wasn't a reason to be sad. Her sadness defined this reality for her. If you hadn't done something worthy of her being sad about, she simply wouldn't be sad.

So back to the light-switch effect. When you've dated a woman for multiple years, and things start going sour, you experience the revisionist history where she claims to have "never loved you" or that you were "always abusive." Yes, the always/never statements. And what they reflect isn't a reality, rather, they reflect her new reality based on her emotions.

The thought process looks much like this: If true love is permanent and real, and I am not feeling true love for this person, but rather disdain and anger, then I must be feeling this way because of who they are. They make me feel bad, so they cannot be good. And since this person makes me feel bad I could not have loved them, because I would never love somebody who makes me feel bad (the qualities he exhibits now must have been inherent qualities he has always had). So I must have never loved them. The entire relationship must have been a lie. Real true love would be permanent, and this is not permanent, so it was never real true love.

And just like that, her emotional state defines a new reality, where nothing was ever good and everything was based on a lie. Like a light-switch goes from on to off, everything that you two had built disappears into the off position, as though it had never existed.

Many men at this stage try to bargain. "After all we've been through together, how can you throw this away? We can still salvage this!"

And it's a pointless question. What is she throwing away? Absolutely nothing, in her mind. If there was any value in the relationship, she wouldn't feel this way. Therefore there must not have been value in the relationship.

Briffault's law operates around this very principle:

The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

Corollaries:

  1. Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.

  2. Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)

  3. A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).

Specifically corollary 1- past benefit does not provide for continued or future association. The concepts of past benefit and continued association requires a consistent objective reality where a woman can look at the implicit contracts made in a relationship: We'll love each other forever, we'll make it through thick and thin, I'll give you a place to live and provide for you, and you'll remember these sacrifices I made in the future when the chips are down.

In her mind, when the chips are actually down, her emotional state will define a new reality where past benefit doesn't just not count, but rather it simply doesn't exist at all. If her reality included that your sacrifices and love were genuine and real, she wouldn't feel the way she does. She wouldn't feel betrayed, she wouldn't feel unattracted. But she does feel unattracted to you, so the reality where you provided benefit must not be real. The real reality is that you must have lied, and there was never a true relationship at all.

The light-switch effect.

And make no mistake, even if you're in a good relationship with a good woman, when the chips are down, the light-switch always turns off.


[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 173 points174 points  (20 children)

This doesn't just happen when you or she changes. Sometimes, something innocuous about her circumstances can change, without any fault of yours.

Like she starts a new job where a cute guy starts flirting with her, or she meets a friend of a friend and likes him.

She feels attraction toward another man. If she were really in love with you, she wouldn't feel that about another man. So she suddenly realizes that she hasn't been in love with you for a long time and hasn't been happy in ages -- if you'd asked her 2 days ago before she met this other guy, she'd have swore she was going to marry you, has never been happier, and you're her hero. But today, she feels as though she hasn't been happy with you for a long time.

You didn't change. You didn't screw up. She just got attracted elsewhere, and it's impossible for a woman to ignore attraction. So few men can cause a woman to actually feel real attraction that when she feels it, she attaches extreme emotional significance to that feeling in an effort to convince herself that it's important and that she's entitled to act on it.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 38 points39 points  (1 child)

She feels attraction toward another man. If she were really in love with you, she wouldn't feel that about another man. So she suddenly realizes that she hasn't been in love with you for a long time and hasn't been happy in ages -- if you'd asked her 2 days ago before she met this other guy, she'd have swore she was going to marry you, has never been happier, and you're her hero. But today, she feels as though she hasn't been happy with you for a long time.

Yes, this is unfortunately a common catalyst for the light-switch.

[–]TheReformist94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A harem is the counteracting balance to this behaviour

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]FramedInRed 25 points26 points  (2 children)

    An older lady, in her 70s, asked me recently why I didn't marry my ex of 13 years. I told her "The women of my generation aren't like the women of your generation." She smiled, nodded knowingly, and that was the end of it.

    [–]AnInstant 13 points14 points  (1 child)

    As much as I like OP thoughts this one is actually gold. There's nothing man can do when girl feels attraction to other guy, he doesn't have to be any better, he can be actually some handsome, charming loser but at this moment she will switch with no regrets. Regrets may come later, when she will find out he is much worse, but then it's too late.

    I know many of stories like this, most girls who did it are now single and miserable missing her ex' but they aren't really good at planning.

    [–]sd4c 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The smart ones will vet him out a bit before swinging branches. Kick the tires, make sure he's legit before bailing out of her old ride and trading it in. This takes the form of asking about him to her friends, checking him out on social media for social proof, and long, probing conversations with him as "a friend".

    Needless to say, the dumb ones or young ones will just immediately sleep with him, as the test drive. If he fails to perform (too much anxiety, too little experience) she'll pretend the test drive never happened and hamster it away as "it didn't count, I was drunk".

    Drinking while cheating is worse than sober, because it's a premeditated excuse- "Ooh, I like this guy. Let me have a couple drinks, then if he initiates sex and I don't like it, or get caught, or he thinks I'm too easy I can just blame the a-a-alcohol."

    It's not that women are stupid. It's that they become experts at game, specifically the tactic of deluding oneself. If you, yourself believe the lie, everyone else will buy it, too. This works for men as well as women- an exaggerated sense of self-confidence will land you far more tail than accurate humility.

    [–]TheReformist94 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Well if women are this shit and fickle,you just take a mistress.it's called diversifying your portfolio seeing as your stocks are volatile and cudnt give two fuck s about you. No return in investment whatsoever.

    [–]KartagoPill 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Indifference is killing woman. There must be always something going on.

    [–]1ToSeeAndToHear 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    This happened to me, except I was too busy with school to deal with it as it started (as I had before with her attraction to other friends, and even my brother), and too fucking Blue Pill to deal with it properly afterwards.

    [–]ashurrutia 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    I can attest to this! May 2015 gf of buddy of mine is talking about getting married,having kids and how happy she is! She leaves for 10 weeks work related to another state. First time the guy visits her, they have crazy sex as they hadn't have in years. Then fast forwards just 6 weeks later, and she is questioning(i.e: "I don't know if I love you but I am not in love with you/I feel like we need more passion in the relationship/I haven't been happy in a while") the whole relationship(7 years together I think!). Long story short, she had a summer fling with some guy at the other state.

    Only reason didn't completely branch swing immediately, was because the guy from the summer thing apparently was mega BB(i.e. He was an old school romantic). She apparently was turned off by the whole "Your my life/Your my everything"; constant gift giving; etc. Interestingly my friends response was: "Go be with that guy" without showing any emotions; yet she never did that.

    You would think that a person showing that they don't care about whether she goes with the guy or not in a moment where she is questioning the relationship would have the opposite effect(i.e. She would leave!). Instead the more he(my buddy) said that to her; the faster her confusion for him ended and she wanted back to him. But the interesting thing that I observed was that there are women out there that cannot be without a bf for more than 1 week.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    If he was so incredibly BB, how did she feel attraction like that, enough to cheat on her boyfriend for the summer? It's possible, but it makes me wonder if she ever had a strong connection to her BF in the first place, or if other stuff was already going on. If she'd gone with Chad, maybe, but a super beta loser? It just seems less likely. But shit, anything is possible.

    [–]ashurrutia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    The only difference between Chad and a BB, is that Chad would have tapped that during the summer and probably dumped her afterwards, or kept her as a potential plate, whereas BB, got a kiss and launched into orbit. I hear he still orbits:

    Sending her gifts every month, love letters(where he tells her how lucky he is to have(orbit) her in his life, what a strong, independent women she is, how beautiful she is, etc)/ which she just ignores nowadays, all these is happening even though she is in another state, and he hasn't had any physical contact with her since the summer, listening to her complains about life and her BF, pretty much emotional tampon. My theory is that she was keeping him as a plan B at first, just in case she moved to that state for Grad School, but when that plan fell out he just remained as an orbiter. Remember women will go as far as kissing orbiters to gain them, but they will never fuck them!

    Poor thing is longing for the days she returns to him while she is being nailed hard by BF because he(BB) is after all a gentleman. Of course she had a strong connection to her BF, they screwed like rabbits when he went to see her for the first time, story goes that she got dizzy from all the orgasms! Remember women are very fickle, but I can tell you that the sexual attraction has always been strong with her BF. Story goes she is one of them good girls that turns naughty in bed, and he knows how to bring it out.

    Most of you guys think that girls will only cheat on you if they find someone of higher SMV, but it's not like that. All it takes is the correct scenario for it to happen, and they are getting hit on all the time. Even if the BF SMV was high, it cannot sustain an LDR for too long, remember women go by feelz. The dude didn't need to be high SMV, he just needed to be higher SMV that the other guys in the area.

    [–][deleted] 118 points119 points  (19 children)

    It's incredibly bizarre to watch a woman rewrite history. They are honestly unable to remember what actually happened and will instead remember the delusions they have created. Even if you have proof that they are simply making things up. They'll refuse to look at your proof. Proof of things that they have done.

    And lol at the always/never statements. Suddenly you were always like such and such. You were never like so and so. And they believe it.

    No wonder the majority of cultures throughout history all independently came to the conclusion that a woman's testimony is worthless. It is worthless. They do not ever glimpse objective reality. They don't even think about it. They do think, though. They think about how they feel. Feelings are all that truly exists for a woman.

    [–]tallwheel 26 points27 points  (3 children)

    Think about the Jian Ghomeshi case. The women thought they were completely justified in not mentioning love letters and sex that happened long after the supposed "abuse". For those women, those love letters and sex never happened. The light switch was off while they gave their testimony. Anything that negates their current feelings that Jian "was an asshole" never happened.

    [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely. I have been following this case. I read an article by Lucy DeCoutere, the sole accuser who's name is not under a publication ban, and what you described is exactly the situation. DeCoutere recalls with confidence so many lurid details about Ghomeshi, the alleged assault, and everything else... but she claims with absolute certainly that she did not remember writing the love letters, which stated things such as "you kicked my ass last night and that makes me want to fuck your brains out tonight" and "I love your hands". The reappearance of these letters and her subsequent shock point to a tremendous suppression of reality on her behalf. It's as if she truly believes that she never lied, and she truly convinced herself that she never wrote those letters, until the physical evidence reappeared into reality, undermining the narrative she had constructed throughout the media and the court proceedings.

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Here is a quote from the article by Lucy DeCoutere -

    "Then, she pulled out a collection of six pieces of pink paper I hadn’t seen in almost 15 years. I asked to have a few seconds to read it and she said: “Oh, we’re going to go through this line by line.” She asked me to read four words I couldn’t believe I had written: “I love your hands.”

    It was heartbreaking. If you read the letter, it has this sort of apologetic tone running through it – like I was trying to make up for something, like I was apologising for not being open-minded enough. In my letter, I told Jian I thought he was great. I told him I wanted to see more of him, I lamented that we weren’t able to spend the night together. 

    All of the build-up, my 12 months of preparation, had come down to this: a letter I didn’t remember writing. Did I willfully withhold it? No, I didn’t remember doing it – but that sounds like it’s the same thing. There is no way I would have kept that a secret from the Crown."

    Source - http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/mar/25/jian-ghomeshi-trial-lucy-de-coutere-interview

    [–]tallwheel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Seeing as how, "I don't remember writing it" is a pretty shitty defense, I an inclined to believe she genuinely does not remember writing the letter. Chilling, really, that women can 'gaslight' themselves like this.

    [–]1PantsonFire1234 24 points25 points  (5 children)

    The same bullshitting hamster causes them to become Alpha Widowed. It's just their wires creating emotional extremes.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 16 points17 points  (4 children)

    ....Alpha Widowed...... wires creating emotional extremes.

    I was hoping to see more about this in here. The lightswitch is faulty. A woman gets with a high SMV guy and now the extreme upper level is hit. Then insert years of the CC, abuse, religion, high n-count, being dumped too many times... i.e. the low end of the range. Now she hits the wall.... now she wants her beta. The guy that accepts her "as is" but pays new car prices. But she's never really happy because the flicker in the lightswitch makes her remember how much better she had it.... so you're only marginally better than her past and far from her best. So, you're adequate. Adequate to a beta is heaven because they're used to nothing. So they figure something is better than nothing. For her, it's "you'll do" unless she's out with her girlfriends. At which point she justifies her poor behaviour because it's your fault for not being the man she needs. So Chad gets her for the night. Thus is the plight of the alpha widow.

    [–]1PantsonFire1234 18 points19 points  (3 children)

    And all of this comes around to the bullcrap we feed girls nowadays. Feeding them this poisonous sense of entitlement. All the evil that comes from women is amplified by this hunger for their own personal real life soap.

    I've seen it first hand. You will be surprised what kind of guys could alpha widow a girl. It doesn't have to be the 10/10 guy in every facet. All it takes is a socially charming dude that likes to fuck and have fun- who then subsequently cuts the girl loose.

    The moment I realized one of my plates was alpha widowed by a guy I used to poke fun at during our dates I was blown away. I can never know if I overrode things after cutting her off. If not then she's still stuck on a guy that's not even in the top 20%.

    When their first Chad says no. That becomes the golden standard. For ever to be glorified like some historical battle, more myth than fact.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      To expand this thought..... so this is why women like the alpha guy... or the guy that's making a life for himself. He's chasing his own highs... he's setting that bar and striving for it. He has the vision of "better" and is constantly striving for it. She's happy to be a part of his trip. In a good relationship, she supports him while he goes for it. The two of them working together makes a great pair... but he's captain, she's first mate. Both are happy... when the woman leads, she's not (as) happy. She wants the guy to lead. But the woman that's spent her life chasing her feelz doesn't make the best first mate. Essentially, TRP identifies the best qualities for a captain and the qualities of a good first mate... but even then, human nature has a way of messing up (awalt). .... so, get yourself aligned first, then find the 1st mate - if you want one.... otherwise, hang out with other captains and screw wenches. ARRRGGHHHHH .....

      [–]HYPERGAMY_UPPERCUT 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      it's funny because they will tell everyone how horrible you are, so if she does decide to see you again after that, she can't have anyone know. My ex did this, It was always "hush hush" when she actually did want to see me. I was this huge scumbag, lazy, good for nothing i'm sure to anyone that listened to her. And to be honest, I kind of was.. but I didn't mistreat her for the most part and was "there" for her. Hell I broke up with her tons of times but took her back because I believed in working things out and thought she truly loved me and a bunch of other bullshit.

      [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Everyone in my group of friends sided with me during my divorce but during my red pill awakening I ended up cutting most of them out of my life anyway. But I've heard from two of my ex wives friends that she tells everyone that I was a physically abusive drug addict who beat her. How scared she is of me. Lol! I was a fat beta drone who was terrified of her!

      No way I'd ever see her again though. Someone that's gonna divorce rape me, steal my identity, and take my kid away from me isn't anyone I want anything to do with in any way. And when I do try to talk with her it's just not possible. She truly lives in the delusional world that she created to excuse her own behavior. There is just no way for us to relate because I live in the real world and I face the harsh truths of life and she does not.

      [–]TheRealMouseRat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      but they think that they remember the truth.

      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]OilyB 16 points17 points  (3 children)

        Man, story time. Middle eastern women are even worse. They're what we would call emotionally unstable because of amplitude of emotions they capable of showing. In good times and love, we'd recognize this as severe passion. But in conflict? I've had relationships with 2 middle eastern women and yes. They're not rationally accountable when it comes to being hurt within emotional ties. They'll be jealous or cautious about something, it'll be wrong of them to think that and I'd explain the facts, they'd then nod and say 'Okay, I understand'.

        ..... And a week later they'll have the exact same concern! They both truly couldn't remember what I'd explained 7 days earlier! Their response, 'yes I know you told me about it but... It's just the way I feel. I'm sorry, my feelings got in the way again.'

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        They're not totally wrong. Far from totally right, though.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorStories_of_Red 126 points127 points  (82 children)

        One interesting anecdotal test of Briffault's Law and the correlaries is to ask guys who have lost a high-paying job while in a committed relationship what happened to the relationship in the time after that job was lost.

        Any man who is married or in a long-term relationship, and then lost that job giving him status and money, will likely tell you they faced a significant change in their female companion's attraction and arousal. You can almost feel the woman peeling away from you immediately after that job loss, and that continues on during the time it takes you to rebuild your career.

        You suddenly realize that "in good times and in bad" was not really the promise THE GUY got, it was the promise he MADE.

        [–]mrrooftops 147 points148 points  (77 children)

        I tested this 2 years ago with my (now ex) girlfriend who I was questioning to myself whether to carry on with. I decided to take a long 3 week vacation from work just before a significant promotion and hard earned 45% pay rise were to kick in. However, I told her that I wasn't going to work because my division was being suddenly closed down and I would be out of a job as a result. Needless to say, her attitude changed within the first week which confirms everything you say. I knew she was going to react this way but I wanted double confirmation and to see if she could surprise me. She didn't. Next.

        [–][deleted] 113 points114 points  (25 children)

        well that was just abusive of you!

        you lied!

        heh

        [–]mrrooftops 83 points84 points  (23 children)

        You should have seen her face when I said that they were 'rehiring me in a new role to lead a new division with 45% payrise'.

        [–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (2 children)

        how fast was she on your cock lol

        [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 63 points64 points  (17 children)

        In the future, don't do this. Don't dump a woman you've been with for over a year either, if you question her loyalty just make yourself out to be a chump for 2-3 weeks, watch her leave, and don't tell her otherwise. Ever. Or the false rape accusations & "babe I'm pregnant, congrats! <3 we're back together!" a month later will eventually befall you.

        I know it's tempting, but don't play with fire. Not in this twisted fucked up cultural and legal climate.

        [–]flat6turbo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

        yeah, why the fuck would you gloat about this shit to a woman?

        let her dump you and then move on. a maneuver as old as time.

        [–]Appleseed12333 19 points20 points  (2 children)

        Agreed. Revenge porn on TRP is not needed. Blue pillers want to get even, Redpillers want to get ahead in life. Why hold yourself back worrying over people's feeling that you don't care about.

        [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Answered your own question, they're egotistical about the loss and so need their justice... It is a fantasy like you say, see my comment just above.

        [–]AcrossHallowedGround 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Bingo.

        “The greatest threat to compassion is the temptation to succumb to fantasies of moral superiority.”

        I'm tired of seeing people call for retribution, and often find myself thinking negative things in return, but then I just try to remember this. It's really not worth dwelling on. We're all human, whether you like it or not. IMO it's the same emotional addiction as love. It can be a potent motivator, but it can also blind you and retard your progress in life.

        [–]GeminiEngine 5 points6 points  (10 children)

        Can you explain it differently? I'm not getting it.

        [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (5 children)

        My friend gloated and pissed her off. He's now on bail for battery against her and has a restraining order that prevents him from going home or seeing her at all.

        He's technically homeless now.

        This was prepared and entirely fictitious, everyone believes her, why would she lie..?

        I call it weaponising or galvanising women, just don't do it its petty and dangerous.

        [–]TRP VanguardCyralea 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Women have all the tools necessary to legally fuck you over in Western society. Quite literally the only thing stopping them is fiat.

        No reason to play with fire if you don't have to.

        [–]GeminiEngine 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        I ethically have to disagree with the petty part, but I can NOT disagree with the dangerous part given how women's testimony is usually accepted as fact.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        There is no ethics to pettiness. It's a psychological phenomenon, not a social one.

        What /u/modified_Hackware is referring to is humans need for pacification. In this case it's mental justification and a dopamine kick. It's very common to feel regret or mental discomfort after a break up even if you are the one doing it. What OP did was give into his primal desires of pacification at the cost of potential danger in the future.

        This is shortsighting, ego driven, reckless and a feelz good dopamine kick that TRP men shouldn't indulge in. It's petty because he's acting on primative and primal desires and letting his body control himself.

        This isn't how RP men should conduct themselves. Women work off feelz. Men should think and take the most beneficial route for long term winning, even if it's a less pleasant ruote.

        [–]Appleseed12333 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        I respect any man in his position that doesn't take 'justice' into his own hands. I can only wish to be as strong willed, regardless if he gloated or not. I agreed, its a dangerous game to play.

        [–]ProfDIYMA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I've known several men who shared the same fate, if you play with fire, you will get burned.

        [–]Jigsus 19 points20 points  (3 children)

        Don't gloat. She'll retaliate if you do

        [–]mrrooftops 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        I agree as a warning for others. Don't do this if you only play relationship 'checkers'.

        [–]icecow 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        What was the context of that? Did she know here chances were 0% accept the info in a pool of failure? Did she say some desperate relationship reboot statements, or actions?

        [–]mrrooftops 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        A good looking, popular girl will never, ever believe she has a 0% chance. As we know, all women react to the man/men in their life to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions in a relationship. It was a hamster bomb because she knows, to this day, that she made the wrong call.

        [–]GeminiEngine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        I know, such a simple test. Such a man does something like this is worthy of emulation.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 32 points33 points  (45 children)

        I'm interested into why you would next her for this? This is a universal trait. I've never read a story of the opposite happening where the woman is supportive, understanding and backs the man. So why do you expect to find a girl that... isn't a girl by nature?

        Sorry, i just don't see the reasoning behind it. It's like breaking up with a girl because you found out she has tits. I'm going to give benefit to the doubt that there was other reasons but why would you end it because of this one. Are you surprised shes acts like a woman?

        [–]NotUpToAnythingGood 50 points51 points  (11 children)

        I was laid off for six weeks. Now I had been married for 18 years at that point. Financially, we were okay. We just couldn't be stupid with money.

        She was concerned. Almost to the point of panic. She wanted to know why I wasn't. I told her that my skill set won't stay unemployed for long and that when the time was right, an appropriate position would fall into my lap.

        Six weeks of unemployment I maintained frame. She followed my lead. I talked with a friend and he arranged for me to get an interview with a friend of his. My wife jumped at the chance to make sure I was ready.

        Rocked the interview, got the job, and an increase in pay of 25% compared to my previous position.

        At no point did she consider leaving me. Her only concern was how we were going to make it. When I showed her my lack of fear and the account balance summary, she calmed down.

        She knows that, I as a person, am worth tying her fortunes and fate to. It's quite the responsibility but she is worth it to me. She's been very good to/for me over the last twenty years.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 46 points47 points  (2 children)

        When I showed her my lack of fear

        I maintained frame. She followed my lead.

        I told her that my skill set won't stay unemployed for long and that when the time was right, an appropriate position would fall into my lap.

        These are probably the most important lines of your reply.

        I really think mastery of woman actually comes down to mastery of yourself, your emotions and how you conduct yourself around them. Women are reflexive and responsive creatures. If the light-switch effect happens, it's because you did something physiologically to trigger it.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        If the light-switch effect happens, it's because you did something physiologically to trigger it.

        This should be at the top. Women do not perceive reality directly, but through the opinions and orientations of those around them - their faculties are not suited for direct, empiric observation of the world as much as they are suited for observation of people. This is why irrational confidence / believing in your own bullshit gets you so far. It's also why no amount of money/assets can make a woman feel secure with you if you're a nervous wreck.

        [–]1KyfhoMyoba 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        At no point did she consider leaving me. Her only concern was how we were going to make it. When I showed her my lack of fear and the account balance summary, she calmed down.

        A woman will take the shape of her container.

        [–]redpillliger 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Just had almost exactly similar situation with my wife. Laid off for about 8 weeks. I was laid off suddenly, but was totally unconcerned when I spoke to her. She was freaking out, gave her a kiss to shut her up, told her it was going to be fine.

        The entire time I was job hunting, I maintained frame. I crunched my numbers and did my "worrying" in private, but she never got to see that.

        6 weeks, I get a call from a friend asking if I'm still looking. Got an interview, completely aced it and had an offer the next week with a sizable raise over my last position.

        Never considered leaving because I showed no fear and have done the same for years. I told her I had it handled and she knew I had it handled.

        [–]1Entropy-7 1 point2 points  (5 children)

        Just to play Devil's Advocate, what would have happened if the account balance was not so cushy?

        [–]NotUpToAnythingGood 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        Based on her past behavior, she'd worry more despite my assurances that we would be fine. If it was low enough that I was not comfortable, I'd have been applying to lower paying positions just to have income to meet essentials.

        I also believe she'd have started looking for some sort of work as well.

        As it stands now, she's about to retire from the Navy. She still wants to do something work related for 10-15 hours per week.

        [–]mrrooftops 3 points4 points  (2 children)

        Indeed, it is a universal trait but, it's how they execute that trait... I stated I was questioning her place in my life due to her execution of other -less divisive- universal traits and this was more of a relatively controlled and fun experiment to confirm my decision.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        I can see the BP headlines now.

        "Twerper uses Women for His own Sadistic Social Experiments"

        You glorious misogynist you.

        [–]4D6N2 11 points12 points  (25 children)

        I've been unemployed for 5 months. My girlfriend has been paying the bills and going to school full time for the entire 5 month period. Awesome girls do exist. They're just all taken by guys like me who snagged them early and never let go.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 22 points23 points  (10 children)

        Awesome girls do exist.

        You aren't giving enough context of your situation to really claim that. Not sayings she's not, but claiming your unemployed for 5 months and your girl is still with you is probably drastically underselling your situation.

        When we talk about girls switching off we are typically talking about dudes that have been hit REALLY hard in the ego and confidence. Guys that lose their job after years of work. Like utterly crushed, defeated and come home looking for support, when they are at their lowest. Usually the female response is negative.

        I'm going to guess your 5 month unemployment wasn't exactly that. And I'm going to guess if you try dragging out this 5 month to say, 2 years. You are going to be having a much different scenario play out.

        Which leads to another interesting line of thought.

        I was watching a 6 hour lecture from a Harvard professor on behavioral evolution and in it, he stated that all interactions are pretty much biologically design responses to stimuli.

        Maybe how you physiology respond to this around women effects them more than the actual context, words and events.

        Basically I'm saying how you conduct your emotional state, confidence, body language, mental state projects much more to activating her light switch than the actual events, words and context.

        After all women are attracted to illusions(guys that bullshit) just as much as truths(true alphas). I think the same can be applied when we flip the scenario to a negative instead of a positive. After all, rational thought only developed about 50,000 years ago. The primal drives activated for female survival are older and rooted deeper into our physiology.

        women don't care about the reality, they care about how it makes them feel and effects them.

        [–]Xeagu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I agree that your physiological state has an impact that is greater than or equal to the actual content of the event. I think this has something to do with the flow of emotions down a hierarchy much like biological osmosis.

        As a child, your emotional state was overridden by the emotional state expressed by your parents. I imagine that this served an evolutionary purpose - when your parents are fearful of a predator, you are more likely to survive by following their lead.

        Likewise with men leading women, the man's emotional state impacts her state. I believe I've read this called the "Law of Transference". With that in mind, by becoming very self aware and building robust emotional self control, a man can control his own inner state and thereby affect her emotional state.

        If you come to her depressed and full of shame, she will absorb these emotions and resent you for it. I believe it is important to positively reframe your emotional state before broaching a sensitive subject. Of course, if you adjust your emotional state with sugar coating and metaphorical duct tape, she will see right through it. Such emotional change must shift your entire inner state without any hint of cognitive dissonance.

        [–]yaysmr 3 points4 points  (7 children)

        Props on getting her early and stuff, clearly you're doing a lot of things right, but you must have a lot in your favor to keep her around that long.

        [–]KnowBrainer 6 points7 points  (4 children)

        My girl also doesn't adhere to most of this cynical garbage they put in this sub. It's a good descriptor of worst-case scenarios and "average" behavior... but living in this TRP "reality" is certainly not the only option.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Redpill_Hannibal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          maybe he wanted to put a ring on it, and to see if she stays no matter what

          [–]Diarrhea_Van_Frank 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I think it's more about moving the relationship forward. Yes, you expect a woman to be a woman, but if you're looking for marriage material, she'll need to be on another level.

          [–]deeman010 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          That feeling where you've been abandoned when you needed help, being left behind only to be replaced in short order, and the marginalization opened me to accepting and learning from TRP.

          I will never forget how fickle the opposite sex can be.

          [–]Gelu_sf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Exactly! I have quit my job two times during my lifetime. Both times the girls went cold within a few weeks then dropped me within 2 months. Like clockwork.

          [–]wiseprogressivethink 31 points32 points  (10 children)

          Excellent post.

          A while back, a very strong, passionate relationship that I had with a young woman had collapsed. We had been together for several years, had sex multiple times a day, were constantly saying "I love you," cuddling, etc. But eventually it fell apart.

          Shortly after the end, I did some nighttime drunk-dialing, got her on the phone, and we talked for a bit. I of course wanted to reconcile and tried to get her to agree by bringing up all the good times that we'd had together over the years. Her response absolutely shocked me. She claimed that there had been no good times, that the entire relationship had been awful.

          This statement blew my fucking mind. But she was serious. In her mind, the years before were all horrible. The good times simply ceased to exist. I thought she had been brainwashed by one of her friends who hated me, but no. She brainwashed herself, via her own emotions.

          [–]Modredpillschool[S] 12 points13 points  (4 children)

          It's odd, isn't it? How we've all had this shared experience, it's almost like we dated the same women.

          She claimed that there had been no good times, that the entire relationship had been awful.

          This is exactly how it goes. And of course it doesn't make sense... if it was awful, why did you stay for so many years? Of course it wasn't awful. But women, women.

          [–]2Archterus 6 points7 points  (2 children)

          Agree, this seems such a universal experience.

          I am married for 24 years. Two years ago, after having worked my arse off for decades supporting the kids and putting her through post grad studies I reluctantly announced to her that I might be suffering from depression and needed some time off work. BANG, switch flicked. Suddenly she feels the same and quits work.

          Fuck was I resentful. With four kids took a hard look at the situation, took two months off work, radically changed the diet and lived in the gym and the shed ( site of smaller home gym). Pulled myself out of it and got some abs and lots of female affirmation as a result.

          So she gets better, but the aftertaste lingers.

          Thanks for the post OP, be sharing this one with my boys.

          [–]wont_tell_i_refuse_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I had the same exact experience, drunk (well, Ambien) dialing and all.

          "You never loved me." I was with you for 4 years, lady.

          No more of that shit. Never again. And all the guys who think there's something "still there" with their ex are fools.

          [–]Freiling 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          A lot of my first date conversation is steered toward previous relationships - it's a natural topic for assessing compatibility. But if none of their exes had anything going for them, red fucking flag.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 169 points170 points  (30 children)

          Just to be clear, that light switch is not a dimmer, but a toggle. They don't go from hot to warm. They turn on or turn off from hot to bitter cold, seemingly overnight. This is why men are so surprised at the sudden change in attitude from a woman who has lost attraction.

          [–]EnlightenedViking 80 points81 points  (16 children)

          and just when you think you've moved on you'll get a glimmer of light. Maybe she like a photo on your Instagram, sends an ambiguous text, or seems genuinely interested in how you are doing when you bump into her.

          Ignore that. Don't let yourself believe she still secretly thinking about you. Difficult to do if this is an emotional terrorist woman who had wrecked your sense of self.

          [–]Troll_Name 63 points64 points  (4 children)

          What bluepill guys will do is forgive cheating, and try to 'earn' their way back into her good graces. Where the attraction was previously bleeding and unconscious, it is now decapitated and shallowly buried in a mass grave.

          Women take advantage of this for as long as the man allows it - but the attraction will never be back.

          [–]EnlightenedViking 15 points16 points  (1 child)

          well said

          Damn right they'll take advantage of it as long as you allow it- maybe fuck you as well. But like you said - it's never really back like before

          Someone made a great post once about the Blue pill halo you'll always have to that girl and why it's so important to move on fresh. Burying that BP mentality deep in it's own grave.

          [–]cliff_tarpey 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Do you have the link? I'd like to read about it

          [–]GeminiEngine 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Even before I found RP, I never got this. She cheated, why the fuck do I have to earn her back? Fuck that!

          [–]HYPERGAMY_UPPERCUT 20 points21 points  (5 children)

          So true man... I remember being devastated by losing my first serious gf at 27, she was 23. Devastated, but I kept my distance... until she started being very flirtatious in texts, wanting to hang out.. even hooked up. And just like that she starts going on about what a bad idea it was, blah blah blah.

          My whole life was consumed by thoughts of getting her back, so I went from cloud 9 to straight up despair after that. She kept this shit up for years... "bad idea, not ready, etc..." Until she got in a serious relationship, I just snapped and pretty much cut her off.

          Funny thing is now, I'm doing a lot better than she is, and she's hit the wall and I'm getting better with age... she's with some guy w/3 kids who's baby mama sounds like a total deadbeat. Guy seems ok, but kinda beta from what I can tell... I've turned myself back into the "alpha" i was before and early on in the relationship with her.

          Going off on a tangent... my whole point is, when she started contacting me again, i was starting to get over her although still missed her. Had I known what I know now I would have completely cut contact, and i wouldn't have been wasting time crying and moping over her. Only reason I occassionally talk to her now Is because I lost any attraction to her, and it's a nice reminder of how pathetic I used to be and how much i've changed.

          [–]EnlightenedViking 2 points3 points  (4 children)

          Damn- same story for me. I was 27 and she was also 23 and our stories are very similar. Although she's protected by lots of money in the family and good genetics and the wall will be kind to her- If I continue on the path I'm on she'll continue to be just a reminder of how pathetic I was

          [–]HYPERGAMY_UPPERCUT 4 points5 points  (3 children)

          Yeah man, I know TRP suggests to not have contact with ex oneitises, and in most circumstances I'd agree. But, after a certain point, it can be used as a benchmark to see how far along you've come. She's an OK person, funny, witty, I'm sure sexually we'd have a riot if it came down to it. But I no longer feel the need and unhealthy obsession with making it work. I wouldn't even want to if she did at this point. I'll admit, she's still attractive enough that if she wanted some no strings attached, i'd be down but no way am I gonna beg for it, nor am I going to be upset if she takes it away. I know I can get hotter, tighter and younger... and less cynical and bitchy. Of course... to them, it's just their "sarcastic" sense of humor. Too many bitches think sarcasm is a positive thing. Yes, in small does it's great, but every other broad thinks she's so witty and guys just aren't smart enough to handle her... no.. we just want a warm, feminine woman not some cold, callous cunt.

          [–]1NPIF 3 points4 points  (2 children)

          TRP doesn't necessarily preach never talking to a former oneitis ever again, just not to talk to them during the breakup and until the dust has settled. And in that respect, you're right that seeing where an old flame has ended up can be a great confidence booster for an RP man.

          In my own experience, seeing the boring job where my BPD ex ended up and watching her current relationship implode was pretty satisfying considering how hellish she made my life when we were together. Call it schadenfreude but knowing you're miles ahead of those who held you back in your past is deeply reaffirming that you're on the right track with your life.

          [–]_the_shape_ 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          I agree, but absolute, genuine indifference stands head and shoulders above schadenfreude.

          "I'm too interested in my own life and couldn't care any less how her life is turning out/has turned" trumps "hahaha! look at you now, lil bitch!" - every.single.time.

          An expert-level post-relationship attitude toward an ex would, perhaps, actually either slide toward a degree of sympathy if her life has gone to shit, or happiness if it has flourished, but this is asking for too much for someone deeply entrenched in the anger phase, and understandably so.

          Joy at the misery and suffering of an ex keeps you attached to both her and the rage you must vanquish in order to fully move on. Transitioning toward indifference is a stronger alternative.

          [–]1NPIF 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Are you right in principle? Yes.

          Does that make being petty any less satisfying? No.

          The reality is you can be simultaneously indifferent towards someone while also thinking it's fitting that their bad behaviour is leading to predictable consequences. Not everyone who enjoys a little chaos in shitty people's lives is still in the anger phase.

          [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Don't let yourself believe she still secretly thinking about you.

          I'd argue that she is thinking about you. All she does is think about relationships whilst lying on her bed on a Sunday evening after another Chad has dumped a load in her and left. Women know exactly what they are going in regards to personal interactions and it's all to spin up a frenzy of orbiters so she has the best pick, your worries, concerns and troubles, however are not in her realm of interest.

          [–]jdgalt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          It's tempting to believe the above -- but how can she know exactly where she is going when she's edited all the inconvenient parts out of her own memories?

          An irrational, delusional person can still be malicious and even evil. But she cannot really know what she is doing and have her delusions too.

          [–]Trpidation 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          and just when you think you've moved on you'll get a glimmer of light. Maybe she like a photo on your Instagram, sends an ambiguous text, or seems genuinely interested in how you are doing when you bump into her.

          These are inherent, innate female manipulation techniques. They operate on an unconscious level, doing this shit to see if they can, by way of giving you approval/validation that you might respond to, get you to give them validation and attention despite their bad behavior. And if you respond with too much interest or excitement, you've failed. If you respond like she's just another hoe, you might pass.

          The only winning move is not to play. They'll likely try harder to gain your attention after you ignore them, because you've demonstrated you're at a higher level than her, which ends up for a lot of bitches being them offering sex in some form or another. Silly ass bitches.

          [–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          It's not an accident, and it's uncanny how accurately they can tell the very day you've moved on. She wants to undo it, for validation that you're still pining for her. You must never give her that validation.

          Even if you move on, go back for an ex-fuck, because it feels safe now- don't. The old feelings WILL re-emerge. Your old beta self, whether you started the relationship as Beta or as an Alpha that she whittled down- that will re-emerge, too.

          You'll always find more satisfaction in reading then ignoring her contact- no matter how sincere it seemed. Because by going back and paying attention to her, you're doing it in exchange for validation. And seeking validation from others always cheapens you, even if you get it.

          [–]Modredpillschool[S] 41 points42 points  (2 children)

          Just to be clear, that light switch is not a dimmer, but a toggle. They don't go from hot to warm. They turn on or turn off from hot to bitter cold, seemingly overnight.

          Yes, it will be instantaneous.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (4 children)

            Holy shit, I remember seeing this so directly with my first case of oneitis. I stacked too much in one semester in college and some personal issues (friend died very unexpectedly) broke me down pretty hard. I went from being her dream guy to barely even in the friend zone overnight.

            [–]GraveRaven 6 points7 points  (2 children)

            Something similar happened to me recently. I had a good mate take his own life out of nowhere and it completely wrecked me. By the time I started to come back to normal, she was long gone.

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            I'm really sorry to hear that. But at least we both learned an important lesson.

            I look back at it now and see that I wasn't a great guy to be around during that hard time, but I did recover. The tingles were gone by then and never returned. It's probably when I became red pill well before this sub existed.

            Though a hilariously validating story from later is when she was dating some guy and he outright cheated on her, but THAT she just forgave. It was incredibly eye-opening to see the real reason she went cold is because she finally saw me fall. It wasn't because I treated her badly, it was purely being repulsed by weakness.

            [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

            and the ex wife coming back for sex and to remember the 'good times' (implying her choice wasn't all it's cracked up to be)

            completely oblivious to the idea of why it's in the state it is

            I mean, how many guys who got their shit together post divorce ended up banging their EX wife? how many did it while she was with another guy?

            [–]bigdok 5 points6 points  (1 child)

            I did about 6 months after the divorce. She said wanted to talk about the kids but I knew what her motive was, I ended up fucking her all afternoon and suprise suprise she started talking about trying again. NOPE not going to happen. Since then her life has devolved to a complete train wreck

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            The only time any divorced guy I know hasn't fucked his ex wife, has been the times when he hated her so much that he turns her down, or got another woman that treats him good enough that he won't ruin it for her.

            [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            Yep, cried once in front of an ex and she treated me like a dog turd immediately afterward up until 6 weeks later when I left her due to how she behaved. She went from loving to a bitch in 5 minutes. I can understand it but I also cannot. Very foreign to how I work.

            [–]Senior ContributorNightwingTRP 41 points42 points  (8 children)

            A flawless piece. Typically the light-switch effect is dismissed by bloopers using NAWALT. "It isn't women in general, you were just dealing with a crazy bitch." The thing is, that argument has a veneer of credibility about it because the rational man looks at the situation and can see the behaviour of the woman is crazy. Don't fall into that trap, I would venture that most of us here have seen this in action during our BP days. Once we've seen it enough times... it's highly unlikely that all of us just so happen to have dated the collection of insane women out there while also not dating the sane ones. In my opinion this little quirk of women makes a solid case to just assume all women are born pathological liars as a result of the propensity to define reality by emotion.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 41 points42 points  (0 children)

            The no true scotsman fallacy.

            Yes, all 145,000 people subscribed here never experienced this before. We all dated crazy women. We are all mysoginistic assholes who only date bar sluts and should expect this.

            Yes.

            None of us dated women before TRP.

            None of us have seen this shit a hundred times over.

            No true woman would do this.

            We were all misogynist way before we ever found TRP, we where never really good guys to begin........

            Wait a Second...

            [–]yaysmr 19 points20 points  (6 children)

            I think that a woman brought up in a household with sufficient boundaries and discipline can turn out alright. Still crazy, but able to recognize that she is and limit herself.

            But we are in a time period where there are no boundaries or discipline for the vast majority of women...

            [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 19 points20 points  (5 children)

            Your getting downvoted but I'll back you however you are missing one key point.

            Any girl I've seen do this, which has been like... 2, come from a family with an extremely strong masculine/feminine dynamic. Like they where raised by old school traditions. Parents married for 50 years +.

            Under those circumstances it can give a positive net effect.

            However, all women still have the biological imperative to find the best chance of survival. A weak man isn't that. She will still have the physiological response that any woman has. However her social and cultural brainwashing can repress this a bit, but it won't be forever.

            I'd equate this to a crew member(basic bitch) vs the firstmate(traditional feminine). The crew is going to jump ship way sooner than the firstmate or captain will. Having a woman with this background basically gives you a little bit more time to fix the sinking ship. But the ships still sinking, and you either fix it or she will be gone.

            [–]yaysmr 5 points6 points  (4 children)

            Definitely. I should clarify that I actually went on a date with a girl that fits this description, we still talk.

            She was raised by a strong father who provided a formidable presence and kept her in line. Alas he died when she was in high school. She is 'different' in that she knows her role. She acknowledges fully that men have the hard job, that men have to do all the seducing, and she is openly admitting that she needs an alpha, manly man to keep her in line.

            She is still crazy as fuck, but is direct about it rather than playing the subterfuge games.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 8 points9 points  (3 children)

            Ah. You should know then, acknowledgement doesn't mean exception. Put her under the right pressures and she will respond the same as any other woman. She might have an edge over some women. She might last a bit longer, but she's still a woman. She will still desire the best chance at survival and a weak man isn't that.

            Men don't harbor this trait because we don't need a woman to survive. We don't care if they work at starbucks or wallstreet. They provide no value in the realm of survival. So when a girl comes home and says, "I just lost my job! :(" we go, well, that sucks, wanna fuck the pain away?

            [–]Endorsed ContributorMeat-on-the-table 36 points37 points  (10 children)

            I recently discovered the mirror to this: when she is truly in love with you, she can sweep a lot into the dustbin of memory. The other day I brought something up that happened during one of our rough patches. She honestly couldn't remember us having any issues, and swore that what I was describing never happened.

            I take it to be a good sign in this particular case--but it also reinforced how a woman's reality is absolutely defined by her emotions in the present. Right now it's great for me because her attraction is very high, but it could just as easily bite me in the ass if the switch flips.

            [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 50 points51 points  (6 children)

            That corollary is absolutely true.

            If a woman is attracted to you, you walk on water. You can be the biggest asshole on the planet and she'll think you're funny and charming. You can treat her like shit and she'll defend you to all of her friends and family, and keep her mouth shut for fear of offending you and losing her chance with you. She hangs on your every word, starts taking up all of your hobbies, dolls herself up for you constantly, is always thinking about you and doing shit for you, and the more aloof and difficult you are, the harder she tries.

            When a woman isn't attracted to you, it doesn't matter what you do or say -- everything you do is annoying, everything you say is boring and the sound of your voice bothers her, every time you touch her it's creepy and she's not in the mood. You can be the nicest guy on the planet, and she'll find fault in everything you do for her and bitch about it. She'll pick fights over nothing just to get out of sex, or being around you at all. And the harder you try to win her over with kindness, the more she pisses on you.

            If she lusts for you with real attraction, you can do no wrong. If she doesn't, you can do no right.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorClint_Redwood 10 points11 points  (2 children)

            And when you get a woman that suddenly loses her man that walks on water, you get the alpha widow.

            [–]yaysmr 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            When a woman isn't attracted to you, it doesn't matter what you do or say

            Yep. The exact same words or behavior from a guy she's attracted to will be instantly rejected if she doesn't find you attractive.

            Which is why frame is so damn important. No matter how well you play your cards, the only way it means anything is if she keeps finding you attractive. Attraction is necessary, words are never sufficient.

            If the light-switch is currently 'off,' then nothing you say can turn it back on.

            [–]2awalt_cupcake 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            This should be TRP 101 rule 1

            [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 35 points36 points  (9 children)

            The Corralary to all of these corallaries is the Light Switch Effect is a feature of the female psyche not a flaw. For most of human history men would kill other men and take their women as brides.

            The Light Switch Effect is the psychological adaptation that allows women to mother the children of the man who killed her prior husband.

            [–]Black-Pill 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            You sir are correct, well done.

            [–]2awalt_cupcake 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Love is war.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            You're almost describing a pride of lions. When a new male kills the old male of a pride, the new male takes over the lionesses without much fight. As if a light switch is turned on immediately when the lionesses see their chance of survival increases.

            [–]240mikex 16 points17 points  (17 children)

            This all makes sense. My G/F of 6 years left me for a physician who makes 6 figures and lives on the beach. I'm just a LEO. Complete light switch effect, I had no red flags or anything. Damn this shit really hit home. The question is, is there any hope for us?

            [–]t12totalxyzb00 3 points4 points  (2 children)

            Hope? Being gay. Sometimes i wish i Were..

            [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Lol I remember hearing this comedian, forgot who

            "So you're gay?"

            "Yeah"

            "Why'd you pick the easy way ?"

            "Easy ? What are you talking about?"

            "Yeah the easy way ... you already know what men like."

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I've spoken to a gay friend about TRP and they go through the same shit. I don't think being irrational is a female only thing.

            [–]Modredpillschool[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

            The question is, is there any hope for us?

            Keep reading, and yes, I think there's hope.

            [–]lakalahehe 1 point2 points  (3 children)

            I wish you'd point me to this hope of yours.

            [–]askmrcia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            Wonder if she realizes that the guy making six figures will also be banging other and hotter women?

            LOL making that much and living on a beach? He's not settling down for just one girl

            [–]240mikex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I was talking to a co worker about that the other day. Yeah it's simple logic, you and I know that is what's going down. I'm guessing she as interning under him, probably sweet talked her. Showed her the lifestyles of the rich and famous. And bam 6 years gone and I'm blindsided. But this article def helped me understand potentially why happened. It's me vs the fucking world now.

            [–]10xdada 44 points45 points  (5 children)

            So important. TRP is killing it today for some reason. Maybe it's the holiday.

            The only situation where I have seen women stick with a man when the chips were down was when she was religious. The reason for this, I think, is that the women are committed to religiousness and it was an opportunity to up their esteem with the big guy by sticking it out. They can't naturally believe in a man, but they can believe in a god or principle, which can in some cases give them the compassion and humanity to believe in a man.

            The religious ones cheat too, often making up for lost time, but the long term is only possible if there is some kind of principle or ideal. Religion can be a way to keep people in line, but it also gives them a way to become something more than just another shitty animal on someone elses lot.

            Anyway, thanks for the great post. Food for thought.

            [–]BrunoOh 13 points14 points  (1 child)

            It's probably also because she'd get shamed for leaving him.

            [–]10xdada 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Kind of makes sense. It's like a man being shamed today for leaving a woman.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (2 children)

              Women are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favours and the good (charitable) deeds done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."

              • A muslim Hadith

              [–]TacoNinjaSkills 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Gotta say one thing about Islam, it knows the effect detailed by OP: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Status_of_women's_testimony_in_Islam

              [–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 10 points11 points  (0 children)

              Was ghosted by my fiancee a few years back, and this post definitely shed some light on a few things...

              Met the girl speed dating, we slept together on our first official date the next night, saw each other every day (and night) that following week, I proposed at the end of our first week together (she said Yes, crazy in retrospect I know but "love" will do strange things to a man), we swore we'd never be apart forever and ever, it was the whole blue pill Disney-esque fantasy relationship. Continued for 3 months, best relationship I'd ever had, was sure I'd found "the one", my soulmate, and then, one day: she was gone. No fight, no argument, nothing; one moment we were going to spend our lives together and then suddenly it was (from her) "This isn't working, we're done." Single phone call, all of 2 min, and she was out.

              Stayed gone for 3 months (I don't I even gotten off the couch in the meantime, I was so devastated), and then one day she came back, "Sorry, I was crazy but now I'm better, let's try again." I took her back. Soulmates once more. We even got sober together (I brought her into AA, her sober birthday was 2 days after mine). 6 months of bliss. And then, like clockwork, exact same thing: ghosted. Gone. Not even a call this time, just a text: "You'll never hear from me again, good luck with your life."--and that was it. No fight, the relationship was going perfectly fine, we were totally in love, didn't matter, she just vanished. No explanation. It was rough, though I can't say it was as bad as the first time--second time around, well, I guess you're kind of expecting it, even though you're in denial at the same time.

              My friends were sympathetic, to an extent, but how could they really know what it was like? I tried to explain to them, the dread that you live in, being in a relationship where you know, to the very core of your being, that your girlfriend could vanish instantly, without any warning whatsoever. And then when it happens--that feeling, of the floor dropping out from underneath you. Of not being able to trust anyone or anything anymore. One of my closest guy friends scoffed, "That's just the girl you chose, they're not all like that. Maybe next time you'll pick a better chick." Imagine his surprise when HIS girlfriend ghosted him in the exact same fashion, also 6 months after their relationship began. They also went from "We're gonna spend our lives together!!" to "This isn't working, we're done", all in a 2 min phone call (just like the one I got). Also no fight, no argument etc--the girl just decided she was out, and so she was. The guy was shocked. Ruined.

              Every once in a while I have a friend remind me of that ghosting episode, like someone will ask "So whatever happened to that one chick? The crazy one that vanished without a trace? You ever find out what the deal was?" I always just shrug--nope, never found out, never will, don't know, don't care. Now that I've found the Red Pill I can perhaps explain her behavior somewhat, but the bottom line is: when she told me (every day) "I love you and we're gonna be together forever" what she really meant was "(Right now I feel like) I love you and we're gonna be together forever (however my feelings could change tomorrow or even in the next 5 minutes)..." This post only cements what I already knew--investing in these women, in ANY woman, is like investing in a stock which can spontaneously implode at any moment. Generations ago there were checks and balances in place to keep this from happening. Nowadays, not only is it not frowned upon by society, it's actively encouraged. "Go on girl, do it! Who cares if you're destroying another human being, so what? It's YOUR happiness that counts, YOLO!!!! Besides, this new guy is like one-tenth of a point cuter than the last one, and that's the most important thing, right?"

              Great post OP--looking back, I don't know what sort of story my ex-fiancee invented which justified her ghosting me, but I'm sure it was an elaborate, sweeping, epic inner monologue which painted me as the evil villain and her as the long-suffering heroine. I wonder what the trigger was for the light switch flip though... New cute guy at work? Friend suggesting she can do better? In the end I guess it doesn't really matter.

              Gents: enjoy your time with them but don't get attached, they can and will walk at any time, and you will get no warning. The switch WILL flip eventually, and when it does--you're done.

              [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

              deleted What is this?

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              I couldn't agree more, since TRP I've become very indifferent about this sort of stuff.

              The difference this attitude shift has done for me, in many aspects of my life is chalk and cheese to one another.

              [–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

              This is a very astute post. My last LTR, before I found TRP, did exactly this. After countless gifts, countless vacations, moving in together where I paid all of the bills for 3 out of our 4 year relationship, when she decided to leave me to go fuck a friend of mine, it was all my fault in her mind; she had "flipped the switch".

              None of the facts of the history of the relationship mattered; the only thing that mattered at the time of breakup was her emotional state. I was a pretty blue-pilled faggot by the time we broke up. Paid for dinners? Me. Made her car payment? Me. Paid the mortgage on the house we lived in? Me. Bought her expensive gifts on her birthday, Valentines, and Christmas? Me.

              Did any of it matter in the end? No. For what I dumped into that cunt over 4 years, I could have a paid-off BMW 5-Series.

              Nope, she hit the "light switch" once her feels overtook the reals. Then I found TRP when I went looking for answers.

              See, relationships are like casinos, not investment firms; we men like to think of relationships as pragmatic investments in a future return; nothing is further from the truth regarding women. You can throw as much money after women as you like, but it's always a gamble, and usually a bad one. Our "man logic" tells us that "well since I've invested x, I will yield y in return". And it's totally wrong.

              Once hypergamy takes hold, she will not take your prior investment into regard. She will just flip the switch, because that is the easiest thing for her to do.

              [–]yaysmr 15 points16 points  (2 children)

              The plus side (for us) is that this works in reverse.

              Even if you've had a negative experience with a particular woman, you still have some time to turn it around and 'erase' her past negative feelings... well 'erase' isn't quite right, she'll remember them when she switches back. If she currently feels attraction towards you then she will believe she was always attracted to you.

              It is also why (among other reasons) women will stick with abusive, manipulative assholes (real ones, not the TRP boogeyman reddit thinks we are). She discounts his spates of abuse and asshole behavior very easily when he's being attentive and nice, and so that is how she feels.

              For discrete experiences, however, I should bring up the 'Peak-end' rule. Which is simply the rule that when a person (PARTICULARLY a woman) judges an experience after the fact, the emotions she will recall will be those that were the strongest, and those at the very end. The rest will be disregarded.

              So if you're on a date and you think it is going well, but you make some major flub that puts her off, and then end it poorly, then she will recall it negatively. Conversely, even a mediocre date can be salvaged so long as the high-point is really high and positive and you end it well (preferably F-close it).

              All this is just to say that the brain is extremely selective with what it remembers, and it reconstructs memories based on present emotions and thoughts. A woman who doesn't feel attracted to you will not be thinking of all the things you did that attracted you to her. She'll be thinking of every time you went beta and lost her attraction.

              So tying that in to OP's points that what she feels is her reality, she will now believe that the negative feelings of non-attraction that she feels were all that she ever felt, and thus that she was never attracted to you.

              It is possible to flip that light-switch back, but whether it is worth the time and effort? Ehhhh.

              [–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (4 children)

              You hit this out of the park.

              Women developed the light switch to bond with stronger men. The conquerors.

              See Rollos War brides for more info.

              Women arent evil, they evolved this way to improve humanity.

              Dont like it? Take it up with the man upstairs

              [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

              Women arent evil, they evolved this way to improve humanity.

              Sounds like it should be this subreddit's motto.

              [–]1ToSeeAndToHear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              This is absolutely the best way to get past being angry about it, for sure. But the subreddit exists for lots of reasons, which includes sometimes being a little angry about the equalist lies we almost all tried to follow pre-TRP.

              [–]2awalt_cupcake 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Women aren't evil on purpose. They don't understand what they do. They don't even understand themselves.

              [–]pwnerofnoob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              That guy is a bastard, fuck him. Stomping around at all hours of the night.

              [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

              I have had this happen to me twice.. complete switch OFF.

              First time I was confused. Then I analyzed the situation and realized our goals were no longer compatible now that I had::ick:: a medical issue.

              Second time, it was just funny to watch and moving on was easy.

              [–]scarletspider3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              Chick's are always asking me when I finish school. I can literally see them weighing the pros and cons in their heads. It fits perfectly with number 3.

              [–]1KyfhoMyoba 6 points7 points  (0 children)

              The thought process looks much like this: If true love is permanent and real, and I am not feeling true love for this person, but rather disdain and anger, then I must be feeling this way because of who they are. They make me feel bad, so they cannot be good. And since this person makes me feel bad I could not have loved them, because I would never love somebody who makes me feel bad (the qualities he exhibits now must have been inherent qualities he has always had). So I must have never loved them. The entire relationship must have been a lie. Real true love would be permanent, and this is not permanent, so it was never real true love.

              Actually, it's much simpler. She simply uses her current emotional state as a cognitive filter to perceive/conceive all of her past interactions with her soon-to-be-ex.

              [–]GavinSkulldrinker 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              Ive seen several examples of this NOT happening. Ive also seen examples of exactly this scenario.

              Some of the processes here are typical of Borderline Personality Disorder; not ALL women are like this, but enough are, and the women who ARE like this go through relationships quickly and are never NOT in relationships, so more men get a turn to experience being ditched with zero remorse.

              More and more, I suspect that a lot of the behaviors of women that redpill talks about are emblematic of a SIGNIFICANT MINORITY (30% would still be a significant minority) of women. But these women wind up really hurting the people they churn through.

              Sorta like how 5 women complaining about how all men are selfish jerks are unknowingly talking about ONE super-hot dude they all got fucked by.

              [–]TomFoo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              Women are enslaved to their emotions, their emotions are enslaved to their ego, their ego is enslaved to hypergamy, hypergamy is enslaved to the most immediate alpha male.

              Still working on this line. Feel free to improve it.

              [–]No_longer_surprised 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              This, gentlemen, is why you must live for your own happiness and your own mission. There's no point sacrificing your well-being to satisfy a woman because at some point in the future when the switch flips she will forget any and all the good things you did for her. In her mind they will completely cease to exist. If you're going to have a relationship, you're going to be the only one to keep the record if (when) it ends, so live accordingly and make those good memories for yourself.

              [–]1PantsonFire1234 9 points10 points  (3 children)

              It's even simpler than this i'd say. I once dated a girl who thought she was my girlfriend for a little less then a year. After that period she broke things off with me professing I wasn't her type. I was dumbfounded, after close to a year of dating this woman had managed to turn the tables.

              Women use words and rationalization to explain their fluctuating emotional states which make no sense to begin with. Emotions are difficult to describe. It's just the flow of things and she gives some shitty explanation for why she wants to follow this flow.

              At the bottom line women just want to bask in good and extreme feelz because that's what makes their lives worthwhile. The rest is just bullshit exposition.

              [–]yaysmr 9 points10 points  (2 children)

              At the bottom line women just want to bask in good and extreme feelz because that's what makes their lives worthwhile. The rest is just bullshit exposition.

              Women are kinda like adrenaline junkies in that sense. Constantly seeking out the biggest rush or sensation they can find, then leaving once it subsides and they grow a tolerance.

              [–]Modredpillschool[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

              Women are kinda like adrenaline junkies in that sense. Constantly seeking out the biggest rush or sensation they can find, then leaving once it subsides and they grow a tolerance.

              Which explains the thousand cock stare after they get off the cock carousel. They've seen it all, and now they're left emotionless, without anything left to give them that buzz. No guy measures up to all the guys she's fucked. So now she's a cat lady.

              [–]1PantsonFire1234 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Yeah. They feed on other people for emotional energy. The worst kind (western women) are relentless and uncaring in their approach.

              [–]bittr_n_swt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Makes a lot of sense, i guess it's in their nature

              [–]tripwire1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              Yep, this one hit a little close to home for me

              [–]Modredpillschool[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

              It's crazy when I bring this up to friends/acquaintances, and the guys eyes all lock on when I say "It was like a light switch."

              I think every man has experienced this at least once.

              [–]LAKETITTYCACADOODOO 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Started to notice this stuff just before I left my most recent LTR. I had her in bed on the 2nd date. According to her, however, it was 5 dates and I begged. But it's not like she said this to her friends, she said it to me in private. Flabbergasted was I.

              [–]Seattlelite84 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              This is perhaps the best post I've ever seen on here.

              [–]Modredpillschool[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Thanks, I do what I can.

              [–]RedHoser 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              This is a great post and I believe it demonstrates an additional angle on why marriage is a horrible idea (not that it's needed).

              All gifts in a relationship should be seen as sunk costs. The emotional benefit a gift provides lasts for a couple days, maybe weeks, but it is by no means an "investment". There is no ROI once the initial joy has passed.

              Marriage is the ultimate gift. While it may have a positive effect on her emotions, soon you're left with the same relationship as before, except now you've signed half your shit away.

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              This is also why most women are "stuck" in life. They never move forward and learn from their past experiences because of the constant rewriting, they write it off as someone else's fault and then proceed to make the same mistakes stuck in an endless loop of "guy mistakes" or "drug/party life" or "it wasn't really my thing" or "I've rediscovered myself". They'll do right this time, not let that asshole fuck their life up etc etc.

              It's is also why they can't do well in STEM fields, you need to develop a deep long lasting intellectual love for what you do to be able to really excel and not bail at the first sign of trouble. Failure for men is a necessary step towards success, failure for women? Women never failed...

              [–]DoerOfStuffAndThings 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              And this is exactly why you save a copy of everything you send or receive from a woman you started dating.

              [–]AFoundingFather 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              Holy fuck. This was excellent.

              [–]mikesteane 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              I agree. It should be sidebar material.

              [–]recursoinominado 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Yes, i truly saw the red path when i was in breaking up with my ex, that sweet creature that loved me so much(more than anyone else, she used to say) transform into a fucking demon in matter of seconds, saying shit to me that i never thought she was even able to think, really offensive approach on me, really trying to make me lose my shit (i didn't, but was damn close to it). That moment i saw the briffault's law in acton. Really tough pill to swallow.

              [–]1thebaldbear 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              Does this work in reverse?

              Eg. a woman who once knew you as blue-pill meets the new red-pill version of you, feels attraction, and feels like she "always" felt that way about you "deep down"?

              Or is it a case of once a blooper always a blooper in her mind?

              [–]Modredpillschool[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              Her mind will rationalize anything to match her current emotional state. If you start giving her tingles, she'll reckon that maybe the timing wasn't right before, but now it is.

              [–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              In her mind, when the chips are actually down, her emotional state will define a new reality where past benefit doesn't just not count, but rather it simply doesn't exist at all.

              Hmm, I'm interested to see how this factors into women's lack of loyalty/honour, what you're getting at here is that women's feelings override promises and thus they are fickle, but that also disloyalty from "good women" is not malevolent (even though it has that effect on the injured man) in so much as it is a product of how retroactive emotional reinterpretation nullifies history to create rapid detachment.

              I'd be interested to see how the light switch effect plays out when a woman still loves you but another man's come along and she loves him more than you because "he's what you used to be" or whatever. In this scenario you've not made her sad, but somebody else "makes her feel good" more than you do.

              Major lessons learned:

              • Women are fickle

              • Women's love is fickle

              • Any sort of happiness with a woman is contingent on her being in love with you. Lost love = bad treatment and/or abandonment from said woman.

              • If a woman who loved you stops loving you, she will treat you like a piece of shit (from teddy bear to psychopath in 5 seconds!)

              [–]RPRedhead 6 points7 points  (3 children)

              Fuck me. I've seen this happen and never really got it until now. It is really baffling to see happen. And disgusting to see any good thing you've done in the past completely ignored and devalued. No good deed going unpunished, of course.

              This raises several questions: What next? Is there ever any recovery from this? How does one avoid this happening in the first place (high SMV?)? This is bigger than a shit test and should not be handled as such, right?

              Thanks for sharing this, it sheds a lot of light on some past breakups.

              [–]Modredpillschool[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

              I mean, if you're on the receiving end of this? No, there's no recovery with that woman. There is just learning and doing your best to avoid the scenario next time.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              It's worth noting that this can be used as a test if you're interested in a more LTR. I have known a few able to recognize when nothing is wrong and they are just feeling bitchy, but that is not at all common. Most of the time, women will find someone to blame for their negative emotions even if those emotions literally came out of nowhere. If she's smart enough to see the insanity in her own emotional state, she might be worth more than a random slut.

              And as a corollary, you also have to shut down things like random bitchiness fast before she hamsters a way to make it your fault. Feel free to call her out and directly say "you're being cranky for no reason, stop it."

              [–]Ka0zzz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              You sir are very good. I am going though exactly this with the (ex) wife. I have been trying to put into words what is happening and this explains it perfectly

              [–]fxcker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              That makes everything make so much sense.. that was the realest thing I've ever read.. thank you. You have enlightened me.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Good post.

              I've felt it several times in relationships. It was just a series of days where things were "off" and of course I tried to BP her back to no avail. And things never got better, despite me trying, because the woman either could not or did not want to actually influence her own emotions and thoughts and steer them toward good feelings toward me. And I wasn't helping by being BP and trying to be extra nice and such.

              To my credit, at least, I was always the first to pull the trigger and break up when it went on too long.

              I think the light switch effect explains why women get over relationships more quickly and usually are out dating/fucking when the guy is still mourning. It is explained by natural selection in that women had to have the strongest guy around (or at least a stand in for a time) and if a guy died/got sick, she had to move on and reattach or she (and any kids) would die. So, they put people behind them via this mechanism.

              The mental thought process you describe rings true and also is why I do not trust women that are not my family members and explains why honor and integrity are not as important to women. If they are such slaves to their mental state, then all bets are off. They will do what they do to feel what they need to feel.

              [–]grooveybaby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              In all my experience this is 100% true. With almost each relationship where the woman became "unhappy" they turned on a dime. The most intelligent of the lot would say to me things like "your not doing anything wrong I just don't know why I'm angry and upset all the time". Another which previously had never had one single argument and was always happy to be led, one I had considered marriage material because of how little problems we had, how happy and unselfish she was appeared to have completely forgotten the love we had. I have found often this unhappiness is brought about in one of two ways :

              • She has a new friend which has no knowledge of your relationship, and after hearing recent issues presented by the SO in a bad light.. forming a disdain for you, and quickly agreeing and convincing them to leave you/breakup.

              • Another of her friends is in a new relationship in its honeymoon stage. Chad is doing all kinds of ridiculous bullshit to impress his new gf and the friends start to get jealous, leading to unhappiness with the current partner.

              [–]aazav 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              What matters to them is what they wish was true, rather than reality.

              So they re-imagine it that way.

              Wishes over reality.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              And their friends help by cherry picking and spinning and not questioning their friend's narrative but rather amplifying it. They all do this together until they somehow strike upon the secret recipe of group consensus that makes everyone feel better. That is when they know they have hit upon the "truth".

              "OMG, do you remember that one time he didn't like you going out alone to drink with those 3 guys he doesn't know? Yeah, he is totally crazy and insecure. You're so much better off without him!"

              [–]aazav 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              And it happens when a woman is no longer attracted to you and is moving on, whether or not she cheated.

              And if she can't leave the situation, she fights back against what she feels is keeping her in the relationship. This is why women turn into bitches in marriages that they want to leave.

              [–]BenjiDread 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              This makes a lot of sense to me. In my 5 year long LTR, my gf would criticize me and complain about things that she expected me to do (without telling me).

              I would sometimes respond by reminding her of all the good I've done for her (A whole lot of sacrifice to make her happy including helping her finish school by paying g for her last semester's tuition, among many other things).

              She said to me (paraphrased), "You always do that. Say stuff like Look at what I've done for you". As if it was a stupid or irrelevant thing to say.

              I didn't even know how to respond. I was too BP at the time to understand what was really going on.

              This post makes it clear. All those things stopped existing to her and it's annoying when I remind her of them. It's as if I'm threatening her new reality and it's causing cognitive dissonance when she has to acknowledge that I've been very good to her. It doesn't fit with her feelings that I, "Don't care" etc.

              AWALT

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              My whole live I've known this is real, I've seen it happen, but I've never seen it explained. +1

              [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              "Light switch effect" is right on. To a woman, you either "The One" or you're nothing to her.

              This is why to being cheated on is much more devastating to men. If a woman cheats, she's saying that in her eyes you're inferior to the other guy she fucked.

              [–]1IamGale 1 point2 points  (2 children)

              There's a great scene in Persepolis that illustrates exactly your point. I can only find the French version on YouTube, but it's the most telling scene ever.

              I watched this with a french plate and she confirmed it.

              [–]1favours_of_the_moon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Re-writing of history - It doesn't matter that she was sending you love notes and texts a month ago. She has been unhappy for a long time now.

              I call this the light-switch effect. And it happens when a woman is no longer attracted to you and is moving on, whether or not she cheated.

              She's found a "bigger, better deal."

              [–]Werewolf35b 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              This is one of the reasons cheating is more dangerous for the woman then the man. When a man cheats, it's because an opportunity comes up. When a woman cheats, shes usually done with her spouse. Light switches and that's it. You were the devil and nothing will change that in her revisionist mind

              [–]Luckyluke23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Great post man i really learnt a lot.

              [–]stephmeister44 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Whoa that's what happenned to me a month ago when I broke up with my 5.5 year ltr when she cheated. The blame she put on me was horrible! Told me she never asked me or my parents for the things we gave her (you took them anyways bitch). And the most ridiculous and petty thing of all. She blamed me for not sharing a glass of sprite I was once drinking while she was at my place. WTF bitch it was like 7 months ago. Fuck this bullshit

              [–]JackNicholson2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              To add to what you said, this whole concept of women losing interest the moment there's even a slight bit of difficulty in the relationship is due to them being fed bullshit throughout their whole life about how they deserve a "soulmate",a person they will have an absolute perfect bond with, they will be yin and yang etc...Not realizing this is all just nonsense fed to them and they gobble it up. Why? Because they want to believe in it. Women aren't logical creatures, they're emotional creatures and what they want to believe in becomes a fact in their mind. They want to believe that there's some force up above that determines who will be "the one" for them. Clearly if there's a bit of difficulty in the relationship it's easier to just determine that he's not "the one". Again, it''s true in their minds because they WANT it to be true.

              Long gone are the days of our parents and grandparents, who had arguments and realized that their relationship wasn't perfect and never will be, but that's because a perfect relationship doesn't exist. They weren't the aforementioned "soulmates" but they were content with eachother and realized that a small fight doesn't suddenly mean they hate each other and aren't attracted to each other. Our generation's strive for perfection has only lead us to be more unhappy and feeling more unfulfilled.

              [–]SwissPablo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              In my unenlightened days I was trying to get an ex to acknowledge we had good times. She point blank refused to do so, she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She had rewritten history in a bid to justify her moving on. And I was totally baffled, why would anyone want to not think about the good times? I know now, of course.

              Yet another thing I wish I knew 20 years ago.

              [–]rockin_rollin96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              This is so true. This is what I've needed to read without knowing I needed it. Having recently been dumped from a near 2 year LTR/LDR that was exceptional, I couldn't fathom how all of that could be erased by two shitty weeks. This puts it all into perspective, thank you for writing this. I think this is where I swallow the pill and never look back

              [–]detachedbymarriage 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              I had (and still do) a different situation with my ex wife.

              While she was the one who filed the divorce, (divorce) raped me, the whole typical AWALT...the one thing she never did was decide our love was not real.

              Even to this day, she will occasionally hamster out of her mouth, "I will never stop loving you, DBM". That is despite the fact that both of us (or at least me) know deep down that the whole marriage was based on bullshit pretenses.

              I do acknowledge why I did not get the light switch treatment. I think most of it has to do with the fact that we have kids together. Another thing that has seem to come to light since the divorce is that I might have been her AF that she managed to "Betaify" (especially when you look at the guys she has dated since)

              I'm still very new to a lot of these theories and I don't think you are wrong...But I think the rules might change due to circumstances.

              [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 20 points21 points  (2 children)

              "I'll always love you (even though I'm divorcing your ass, taking your assets, and fucking other men that I actually love)" is girl-talk for, "I'm saying bullshit to feel good about myself, save face socially, etc. etc. I don't really love you, loser."

              Never listen to the shit women say. Always watch their actions.

              [–]detachedbymarriage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Thanks for turning the perspective

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