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Revised.... Ex wife reaching out, AWALT (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Backuponit2017

Hi all. This is a bit of an edited repost. I just wanted to give you guys a perspective on AWALT and how history and events are often manipulated and revised by women. Divorce finalized last year after 5 years of marriage. No cheating or abuse. We have young children. Ex wife wasn’t “happy”. Last month ex wife texts me the following:

“And lastly to be honest, I was dating someone for the last 7 months and I was never really that into it but I felt like I've been single for so long so I needed to move on and on paper he was great and he's a really great person but I would reflect on when we dated and the fun we had and I remember there was nothing you wouldn't do for me. You made such an effort and I always felt special and with him I didn't feel that so I ended it because i realized dating should be so much more. So I do recognize our good times so don't think I don't. At the end I did just focus on the hurt and it was so irreversible. But as time has gone on, I've been able to realize that you once did love me and we had a lot of good times and I can now laugh and smile at those times and I'm not mad at you anymore and more and more I've realized my mistakes so I'm really sorry.”

“I know this has nothing to do with the kids but I want you to know that it's all this that make me respect you and you're an amazing dad. So please think of getting to the point where we can talk once a month about them.”

My response: “Please email me your thoughts and concerns regarding the children and I’d be happy to continue the dialogue in that format. Thanks.”

End conversation. She never did send an email about concerns with the children after that. What do you all think?


[–]TheAC997 322 points323 points  (31 children)

You think she's upset now, just wait a decade.

[–]Furrealyo 214 points215 points  (13 children)

True story. SMV is a real thing, and hers isn't going anywhere but down.

[–]anon35201 29 points30 points  (12 children)

One thing the OP will have to keep tabs on is if the children are being raised in a safe and loving environment as she hits the wall and slowly loses her mind.

5 or 10 years of raising kids without a stable father figure is a potential recipe for disaster. OP has to make a decision if he wants to sacrifice some of his ego so that he might help her cope with this new reality she didn't expect, so that she might rebound in self confidence so she can find a stable father figure for his genetic offspring. Ignoring the whole situation isn't the optimal policy here because the children didn't ask to be put into this bad situation.

You have to determine if hitting the wall and realizing she screwed up doesn't result in a tossed piston ring, and a continually rougher ride until the transmission in her brain ceases up, or worse, she puts a bullet in her head to make the pain go away.

A few token beta cuck moves from OP might help avert disaster later. It's like preventative maintenance in a truck. A little bit of beta cuck loving care (oil filter changes, oil changes, preventative maintenance) now makes the ride much smoother 5 and 10 years out. Raising kids is not easy, remember, most murders are in the family over problems of love such as this.

[–]Backuponit2017[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I️ have my children with me half the time. Had to fight for it to be an equal parent. I️ work really hard to keep a loving stable home environment for them. Raising them is the most joyful and hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and they are my biggest priority.

[–]An_All-Beef_Engineer 13 points14 points  (6 children)

OP has to make a decision if he wants to sacrifice some of his ego so that he might help her cope with this new reality she didn't expect, so that she might rebound in self confidence so she can find a stable father figure for his genetic offspring.

She doesn't care about the children BOI

A few token beta cuck moves from OP might help avert disaster later.

Ship already sailed. Disaster is already at the doorstep.

[–]anon35201 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Putting the ego enhancing IDGAF strategy aside, wishing for a care giver to children to crash and burn, even if it's from her own hand, is a short sighted ideology.

Imagine the Titanic, thousands of people are drowning in the water. You're in a rescue boat and taken care of, there is one empty seat and one person who is nearby who might be saved. There's a disagreement, one person says lets save that one who might be saved. The other says: "that person deserves their fate because they didn't bring their own lifeboat". The response is: "that person wasn't responsible for not having their own lifeboat.

It's the kids that make her behavior okay. He has a genetic incentive to look after her. The law mandates it anyway. He has wages taken out for her benefit to raise the kids. So he's paying for it, it might as well make the best of a bad situation.

It's the kids who mess up the optimal policy. She knows that. Which is why her behavior is coming out the way it is. OP has a choice: his own happiness, or his genetic representation getting a better liftoff?

[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla 14 points15 points  (2 children)

The fuck?

Dude, this "think about the children" is horseshit, and you know it.

This has to be a chick

[–]module_process 2 points3 points  (0 children)

wishing for a care giver to children to crash and burn, even if it's from her own hand, is a short sighted ideology.

What a load of concern-trolling bullshit.

Unless the OP was edited, he didn't wish ill-will toward his ex wife. He didn't cut off all contact; he indicated he will communicate with her regarding concerns with their children. He doesn't owe her anything more than that, period. If she fails as mother, that's her cross to bear. If the OP is a good father, he'll pick up the pieces if he needs to.

[–]An_All-Beef_Engineer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if he wants to sacrifice some of his ego so that he might help her cope with this new reality she didn't expect, so that she might rebound in self confidence so she can find a stable father figure for his genetic offspring.

Perhaps you meant he should sacrifice himself. WTF is wrong with you?

wishing for a care giver to children to crash and burn, even if it's from her own hand, is a short sighted ideology.

She's free to do what she wants. Are you trying to control her after your divorce? Are you not seeing why this is insane?

She knows that. Which is why her behavior is coming out the way it is.

She is responsible for her own behaviour. Why are you acting like she can't make her own decisions and live with them?

OP has a choice: his own happiness, or his genetic representation getting a better liftoff?

He doesn't have a choice. If you don't understand that, you should read Michael's story.

Are you new here?

[–]TheYekke 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just make it look like an accident (TM)

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Grothendi3ck 11 points12 points  (9 children)

    What happens in a decade? Never been married myself...

    [–]InformalCriticism 58 points59 points  (1 child)

    She hits the wall if she hasn't already and blames him because she's not good enough for chad anymore, stuck with him, and makes his life unbearable. He realizes his mistake, and can't live with how stupid he was for taking her back, slowly resents his life and blows his head off. You know, the usual.

    [–]mexicanbeast 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I laughed more than I should have with the "you know, the usual". LOL

    [–]TheAC997 15 points16 points  (6 children)

    [–]newls 10 points11 points  (4 children)

    I know it's petty and a bit cruel but I have to laugh out loud with schadenfreude at that first one.

    It provides a small dose of vindication to men who've been left by women like that, only to go on and succeed in their lives.

    [–]RedPilledGodEmperor 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Yeah, that 42 and childless one is pretty awesome. Left a dude who was great for her and actually treated her well because he wasn’t making as much money. Even her father warned her not to leave him.

    The guy ends up having a happy life and ending contact with her, while she is lonely and regrets her decision.

    [–]newls 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill. But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.

    Perfectly captures the damage that feminists have done in the last century.

    'I will always be here for you,' Matthew promised. And I, arrogantly, thought that somehow I could put him on ice and return to him.

    Branch swinging, alpha fucks/beta bucks.

    I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn't have a career. Then he bought a lurid blue and pink VW Beetle.

    Why couldn't he drive a normal car? Things that now seem incredibly insignificant began to niggle.

    I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned more. I felt envious of friends with better-off partners, who were able to support them as they started their families.

    Women's friends can be dangerous, they'll destroy their peers with impunity.

    My parents were horrified that I was walking away from a man they felt was right for me. My father's words to me that day continue to haunt me. 'Karen, think carefully about what you're doing. There's a lot to be said for someone who truly loves you.'

    But, I refused to listen, convinced there would be another, better Mr Right waiting around the corner.

    Arrogance borne out of the female imperative. Had she been a millennial with access to dating apps, this whore would have undoubtedly left sooner.

    One night shortly after his 34th birthday, I phoned to ask his advice about something.

    Matthew was unusually abrupt and asked me not to call him again. 'Please don't send me birthday or Christmas cards any more either. Sara opened your card last week and was really upset. I have to put her feelings first.'

    I hated the fact Matthew was suddenly putting another woman before me. How dare she come between us! Over the next few weeks, I'm ashamed to say I vented my spleen at both of them in a series of heated phone calls.

    "But you were my backup! How dare you be more successful than me!" 😂 😂 😂

    To those out there thinking of walking away from humdrum relationships, I would say don't mistake contentment for unhappiness, as I did. It could be a choice you'll regret for the rest of your life.

    We should be teaching this to young girls, not that they can and should callously throw away loving relationships under the bus, the first sign they feel unhaaaaappy.

    [–]hawkeaglejesus 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned more.

    Not "I wish he was kinder, or smarter" but I wish he had more social status and money. Hypergamy knows no bounds.

    [–]newls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It's a perverse example that plays to our fantasies. But it's an incredibly literal insight into the hamstering that accompanies the Wall that we talk about here.

    [–]hawkeaglejesus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    That second one. No disrespect to the dead, but everything leading up to her death was like a cliche.

    she herself was single and lived alone with her cat, leaving her to sink into a state of depression.

    Single 31-year old depressed career woman with a cat

    At the time quite a number of her friends were getting married and she was going to hen parties and she was going to be bridesmaid

    Feeling depressed because her friends were happy

    'She had had a couple of long-term relationships, one of which was around five years ago, and then that broke up but she still had feelings for him and found it difficult.

    Alpha widowed

    She invited the unnamed man and his friends back to the flat she owned for further drinks but became upset when he left the following day - leading her to believe they would never be getting back together.

    Tried to get back with the Alpha by throwing pussy and alcohol at him, but when that didn't work and it turned out to be just another pump and dump she decided to end it

    [–]vwzwv 41 points42 points  (5 children)

    You think she's you're upset now, just wait a decade.

    Maybe that should have been his response.

    [–]washington_breadstix 54 points55 points  (1 child)

    Meh. Maybe, but it would sort of be starting an argument with her which might be what she wants. The best punishment for her is having to deal with the fact that this guy is happy without her.

    [–]pragmaticminimalist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    hold frame- hard next...thank you TRP!

    [–]1empatheticapathetic 36 points37 points  (2 children)

    Don't give her an emotional reaction. As delicious as it is its short sighted.

    [–]1scissor_me_timbers00 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Yes. Ruthlessly deprive her of closure.

    [–]vwzwv 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    True is that. What I said is a bad thing to say. So cold I couldn't resist.

    If I could master delayed gratification with women the way I have with money I'd be filthy rich.

    [–][deleted]  (59 children)

    [deleted]

    [–]RPBulletDodger 343 points344 points  (25 children)

    Great post and great reply.

    It closes with a hope that you'll give her some more attention.

    And he shut that shit down brilliantly.

    [–]cherryCanSuckMyDick 52 points53 points  (9 children)

    nothing says cold and dispassionate like email

    [–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 36 points37 points  (8 children)

    Kicked my wife out with a text. Simply "don't come home, nothing here for you now. I'll pack your shit for you."

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Is there a post on the backstory??? I'm intrigued!

      [–]BobbyPeru 85 points86 points  (13 children)

      Sooner or later they come around like an alley cat just “to see.” AWALT

      [–]MuhTriggersGuise 16 points17 points  (12 children)

      It's not just "to see", it's "to see" and if you reciprocate, they know they have you under their heel, they humiliate you a little, then move along only coming back to "to see" again later.

      [–]Pipsquik 7 points8 points  (10 children)

      This so much. I have had recent experience with this girl who I recently realized is doing this.

      We were on and off for a bit while she had a BF and I got really into this girl.

      Realized that she only is into me when I don’t show any feelings for her.

      Just anecdotal, and not too relevant, but thought I should share

      [–]p3n1x 4 points5 points  (9 children)

      "feelings" : That shit was for the boyfriend. You broke frame every time you got emotional.

      [–]Pipsquik 2 points3 points  (8 children)

      Believe me haha, I know. Just thought I’d share

      [–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (7 children)

      My mistake, hard to tell where one is on the journey sometimes.

      [–]Pipsquik 0 points1 point  (6 children)

      Yeah no worries at all really.

      This chick is kinda my oneitis so I’ve been fucked up on her for a little while. Hard to not keep the feelings I have for her when she keeps coming back to me

      [–]p3n1x 3 points4 points  (5 children)

      Sometimes a shot of reality from the "peanut gallery" can really help. Go to a club/bar/hangout, whatever, and people watch the orbiters for a little bit.

      she keeps coming back

      Rephrase this mentally. It is putting blame on her when you are the enabler.

      This will sound fucked up to newer ears, but I get the impression you are still "pair bonded" with her. This is a chemical situation and can be defeated in a couple weeks with an extreme (only has to be temporary) diet change.

      [–]jshtx2117 25 points26 points  (0 children)

      Solipsistic behavior at its finest.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 153 points154 points  (1 child)

      OP confirms this:

      She never did send an email about concerns with the children after that.

      Because you're right: it was never about actual concern for children, it was about forgiving herself and telling OP she feels good now.

      [–]rp-one 60 points61 points  (1 child)

      So please think of getting to the point where we can talk once a month about them.

      Basically "i fixed myself, you're the one who still has issues..."

      [–]juliusstreicher 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      No shit! "Oh, please, please, please try and think of changing yourself so that we can take care of teh children! Oh, if only YOU could bring yourself to think of them..."

      [–]TRP VanguardWhisper 137 points138 points  (11 children)

      Point added.

      This, students, is why sociopathy, narcissism, and borderline personalities are so difficult to spot in women... because they are almost indistinguishable from normal female behaviour.

      Women, like children, are biologically programmed to be almost completely selfish. They will not, of their own initiative, consider the feelings of any other human being.

      But, if properly socialized, they will respond to articulated expectations.

      This is why is critical to deal with women in two phases:

      • First, ruthlessly ignore or next any new woman for bad behaviour (don't articulate expectations, because you haven't socialized her to obedience, and have no leverage).

      • Second, establish leverage, and then make all your expectations crystal clear. Never wait for her to consider on her own what you might want or how you might feel, because even if she worships the ground you walk on, she won't. She must be told.

      [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 54 points55 points  (7 children)

      [–]GuidoBandito 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      Damn.

      Shortly after moving to a larger city near our small hometown of about 15,000, she got us into swapping. I went along because, hey, I could possibly screw others! Wrong.

      Then I got a job in another state in a slightly bigger city. Shit continued.

      Then after about 3-4 years after our divorce, I’d realized that she’d been fucking anything she could the whole 12 years we were actually living together during our marriage.

      While we were doing the swapping thing, we went to St. Louis to meet a couple. Some guy she had been doing for a few weeks prior to our trip. His wife was told that I wasn’t allowed to have actual intercourse with other women. But my ex was allowed to. I was lied to. She wasn’t supposed to either.

      That should have been the sign to me that she would be a devourer of penis any chance she could get. But no. It took moving to another state and visit a swingers club in the nearest big city to start the unfolding of her ways. That and her moving out of our house and in with another guy.

      If we had moved to another city with an even bigger population than this one, I’m quite sure she would have been in even more Dick’s than I could ever imagine. Your statement is completely true. Her narcissistic personality and alcoholic tendencies made her a rather horrible human being.

      Thank you for pointing this out. It’s been a rather cathartic moment for me.

      [–]TRP VanguardWhisper 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Interesting how the author had to say this:

      BTW, if you want to understand the mystery of women's addiction to shoes, here's my take: shoes are the article of clothing that represent possibility. Each shoe is a different look, a different character, and she can select "who" she wants to be that day. You might not notice the difference, but she feels it. This is not borderline-- it's normal, but it's normal because the shoe changes and the rest of her doesn't.

      ... order to back away from the near-inescapable conclusion that that every woman is pretty much borderline, because that would be "misogynistic".

      Also not touched on is the equally suggested conclusion that, to the degree that femininity resembles borderline personality disorder, masculinity resembles narcissistic personality disorder.

      [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      ?  Yes.  Narcissists are mostly hes, and borderlines hers.  (Not always, sure.) 

      He doesn't really back away from it, his whole blog explores narcissism, and comes to that exact conclusion.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      There is something off about this post. My spider sense is tingling. It is also posted in MGTOW, new account. I believe she sent this info to him but I do not believe the “no cheating” part. Also who the fuck says “no abuse”, reeks of blue pill conditioning or me thinks thou doth protest to much.

      [–]GuidoBandito 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      To be honest, it doesn’t take outward and blatant cheating to think that cheating didn’t occur. I had an ex wife include me in swapping with “rules”. Oddly, rules didn’t apply to her. And she did a good job of hiding her cheating from me. Even 5 years after the divorce.

      You’re probably correct about her cheating. And his posting of the email is just his start of his catharsis in realizing his relationship history.

      And abuse isn’t just an easy thing to admit to when it was committed by a narcissist and you’ve been brainwashed to thinking all was fine. It took me years to realize how I was mentally abused by my ex. It happens and if it goes on long enough, your truth changes. Abuse isn’t always leaving physical bruises and scars. The scars on your psyche take a long time to heal. If they ever do.

      [–]Backuponit2017[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I️ posted this originally as a cross post but removed some specific details so there would be no potential identifying markers. She probably cheated, yes, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. There was no cheating or abuse on my end.

      [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Yes they all branch swing, very rare for a woman to end a relationship honestly and openly. Most of them commence an emotional or physical affair then say shit like “I’m not happy and I haven’t been for a long time”. This is the modus operandi of the female mind. Hamster a decision then gaslight the victim. If you tell us more of your story (without including anything which can lead to doxxing) we can help you unpack this shit and forge a better man and better future.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]p3n1x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        You have all the "big bucks", its also known as "Time". Your attention should be Pavlovian, not sprinkled on her randomly when you are all warm and fuzzy.

        [–]nowwhatjoe 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        Wow this is one of the most eloquent replies I’ve read in awhile

        [–]Riace 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        At no point does she express any concern for you

        I have no comment to add to this: just wanted to highlight it given how important it is.

        [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 17 points18 points  (3 children)

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Random memory trigger....

        I was a shit disturber in high school.

        Myself and my 3 malcontent buddies started a "save the naugas" campaign.

        Had most of the school believing that thousands of cute little South American naugas were being slaughtered indiscriminently daily to create naugahyde.

        We used pics of marmots, put up flyers, had a fundraiser (bought a lot of beer).

        Sheeple. This was before FB or kickstarter but I bet we could have rolled the ball much further.

        It was an awakening to an asshole high school kid that the world primarily runs on feelings, the facts don't really matter if the narrative is compelling.

        I remember getting head and fingerbanging the "queen bee" school PETA chick in the backseat of my whip (1984 ford LTD, baby), because she was so touched by my concern for all those poor animals.

        i have no remorse.

        [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Lol, beats my 1989 3500

        Never got any head in it. Though almost took out the sign that welcomed people to my town, and the side of a guys house.

        [–]TheOneAboveAll 14 points15 points  (1 child)

        My ex did the same exact thing as OP's ex. She said almost the exact same thing word per word (except the child part). And what you said was also what I was thinking except much less well put. It's just all so similar except for one part. I actually indulged her in conversation. The first day was great. We have very similar tastes so she recommended amazing things. But then she just kept trying to "subtly" fish for compliments, "I feel like such a hoe. But you made me feel smart, sexy, and important and I feel like I had everything when I was with you. -waits for me to interject-" It was like the whole conversation was a set up to compliment her. Even when talking about our similar interests, everything would turn into a chance for me to compliment her, which I never did since it was just odd to do so. And eventually all conversations just ended in contradictions and tension. It stopped being fun and I just stopped replying by the third day. I still get messages from her from time to time.

        [–]SolarWizard 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        I have experienced similar but quite the opposite. My take in it was that after some relationships, at some point she will feel the need to justify the breakup with you. She will do this by either making herself feel superior to you (via making you complement her) or she will be mean and put you down. Either way, once she has established herself as superior she will close off again and ignore you once more.

        [–]soyDonEladio 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        I would much appreciate a book recommendation from you.

        [–]Yashugan00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Great analysis, thank you. I'm starting to get these kinds of texts too now, with an added dose of guilty tripping: I may have thrown you out of your own house, but you never tried to come back to me! You're so prideful.

        When I get there my phone blows up with 20+ texts, the only rational action is not to get sucked in. Don't respond, there's literally nothing I can do to help her mentally, because I won't be going back.

        [–]xtralargerooster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Stupendous reply. Very eloquently presented. Seriously well done, it's precisely the sentiment I would have provided and I'm not sure I would have been as astute. Bravo.

        [–]Jonlife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Well put. The ol' "everything should still be centered around me and my needs and even you still need to be concerned about what I'm doing, because my vagina created kids...." Wait until she really gets a load of that ever so towering wall. Most women will have this wall denial into their nursing home years.

        [–][deleted] 224 points225 points  (35 children)

        That’s the right play. I’m only six months out from my divorce, but we’ve been apart for a year. Two kids. In the year since we split, my ex has told me that she cheated on every guy she’s ever been with, that she was selfish, unhappy, bipolar, and how she screwed everything up by sleeping with her coworker. Now, she’s broke, miserable, and asking for me back. I’m having no part of it. I’m feeling better than I have in forever, dating girls fifteen years younger than I am, new job making six figures, good girlfriend who cooks, cleans, and loves my kids, etc. good riddance to the ex.

        [–]BewareTheOldMan 95 points96 points  (34 children)

        I will never understand how a woman will disregard everything that is 100 percent certain about her hardworking, faithful and dutiful husband/father to take a chance with the "other man" because...I don't know - feelings maybe?

        Women lose out on so much because they fail to play the "long game" of focusing on the man who is "putting in work" as the husband and father.

        It's only post-divorce they realize when a man walks out the door/divorces, so do all the associated benefits. Alimony and child support almost never makes up the difference either in basic finances or overall benefits, stability, economic security, and general peace of mind.

        Women are always shooting themselves in the foot because they think the grass is greener.

        I surmise that’s the reason women are so upset when men have affairs – not just because of the betrayal, but also the potential loss of benefits and transfer of those benefits to another woman.

        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1556706/Women-worse-off-after-divorce.html

        Key Line: ...the study of more than 4,000 people has found that while a man's income increases, on average, by 11 percent after he parts from his wife, a woman loses around 17 percent of her income.

        https://www.newstatesman.com/economics/2014/09/why-do-we-still-believe-divorce-leaves-men-worse-women

        Key Lines: Women continue to see living standards fall by more after separation than men, especially when children are involved, but even for couples with no children...the loss of the man’s earnings is in no way compensated for by higher income from alimony, child maintenance, benefits and tax credits, and having fewer mouths to feed.

        Around 15 percent of mothers and 19 percent of children fall into relative poverty post-separation.

        [–]askmrcia 64 points65 points  (6 children)

        I will never understand how a woman will disregard everything that is 100 percent certain about her hardworking, faithful and dutiful husband/father to take a chance with the "other man" because...I don't know

        If I had to guess. I say they are selfish. Plain and simple.

        Everything about this generation of women (can't speak on past ones) is they are selfish. Its all about them. Don't go for a guy that makes them happy, but makes their friends jealous and makes them the center of attention. Things like that. Selfish.

        The whole Yolo and to live free and see what else is out there and to "Find themselves." Selfish.

        [–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

        The last fifty years drilled into their heads that they’re entitled to it all: the party life, sex with dozens of good looking guys, vacations in Europe, a handsome, wealthy husband, children, etc.

        [–]alecesne 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        A rewarding, high paying job that is not difficult, but leaves time for family and motherhood. And if you don't get one, it's because of entrenched males somehow being out to get you for needing all of those things.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Not to mention how skewed the family courts are (and lawyers are fantastic at selling women the idea of divorce and all the cash/prizes they'll get).

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]dzkkne 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Touch down man!

          "I do miss the conversation and "togetherness" but I don't think I want to ever be in that prison again." - exactly how I feel. Had an amazing dynamic with my ex and the feelings were great, but once single you just realise how much more freedom you have to do things you want and I don't mean sexually. I can live monogamously, for some reason, but everything else just suppresses my mojo, my drive to do things just dips.

          [–]JackGetsIt 38 points39 points  (8 children)

          It's only post-divorce they realize when a man walks out the door/divorces, so do all the associated benefits.

          I think a lot of this error comes because they are still thinking from the mindset of a 19 or 20 year old girl that is getting attention from LOTs of men. Women that age turn down so much male attention that they probably think it will never end. When they are making the decision to leave their husband they are under the delusion that they will pick up Mr. Right at the bar that night and he will be 10X better then her current husband (a man who she's been dumping on in her own mind for years.)

          [–]BewareTheOldMan 32 points33 points  (0 children)

          The cruel reality is that fate bequeaths women all these "gifts and prizes" early in life, but teaches a hard lesson much later...the attention, glory, and the stable of Beta-Orbiters doesn't last.

          The more I learned about TRP, the more these truths were confirmed. It sucks for men in that we have to establish ourselves early in life and grind it out until our virtual deathbed. In some ways it's better in that you learn the tough lessons of being a better man and hard work in order to achieve your life-goals/life-mission.

          I don't believe my ex-wife was cheating, but if she was it didn't matter. I know for a fact she didn't branch-swing because the men just weren't there. NO ONE wanted a mid-30's divorced woman with 3 x kids. I assume she, like other women, thought she could easily find another man who would treat her equal or better than the husband with ALL the associated benefits.

          My ex-wife’s mistake was failing to meet my standards as wife and mother - that's it. She simply didn't want to do the work, but wanted the benefits. I submit if I have to pull my weight, the wife has to put forth her best effort as well. It's not any more complicated than that statement.

          When post-divorce reality sets in women go into their own version of the Anger Phase, but it's much worse for women as they hold that feeling for years.

          [–]metallicdrama 10 points11 points  (6 children)

          It's all fun and games until they go to that bar and see all the men trying to fuck the 22 year olds and mistake you for a server. And then the only thing that hits on them is some fat guy with pit stains in a studio apartment.

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]metallicdrama 5 points6 points  (3 children)

            If you weren't such a fat lazy piece of shit you'd try to bang them both at the same time but your heart would give out lol

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]pragmaticminimalist 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              accept and amplify- fat guy fucks for sure

              [–]metallicdrama 6 points7 points  (0 children)

              What would Chad do? Give zero fucks. Fat slob Chad would prematurely ejaculate and have a stroke right there on the spot like a boss.

              [–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (2 children)

              Heck, I doubled my income within a year of divorce. It meant a little more child support but she hasn't done shit. She probably regrets nagging me for "working too much" now.

              Say good buy to the huge house with a stamped concrete drive way that could fit five cars and an RV and enjoy your paycheck to paycheck living I guess.

              [–]juliusstreicher 11 points12 points  (1 child)

              This post does strange things to me!

              [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 13 points14 points  (0 children)

              how a woman will disregard everything

              Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can.

              Because she can - in these opulent times in the West there are little to no negative consequences to doing so. She is almost entirely free to follow her fleeting vagina feels.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 20 points21 points  (0 children)

              hence why the argument for the courts have always been to maintain her former lifestyle.

              Paying a girl to leave

              [–]LateralThinker13 18 points19 points  (2 children)

              It's only post-divorce they realize when a man walks out the door/divorces, so do all the associated benefits. Alimony and child support almost never makes up the difference either in basic finances or overall benefits, stability, economic security, and general peace of mind.

              Women are always shooting themselves in the foot because they think the grass is greener.

              And because women are poorly equipped to accept any responsibility or blame for a failed relationship, all evidence that her demotion of status is self-inflicted is instead shifted onto him. This is why they get SO ANGRY when the divorce happens; displaced anger at themselves shifted onto him.

              Women suck at responsibility.

              [–]AdvanceLife 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              My ex, once she finally rolled out the reasons why we broke up over text actually took responsibility for not bringing up (i.e honesty) the things I did wrong, but never the things she did point wrong.

              I'd have to find that text BUT from what I recollect she blamed the relo on me when she could of brought it up and made changes. I'll need to re-examine that time.

              [–]Could_have_listened 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              could of

              Did you mean could've?


              I am a bot account.

              [–]enjoy_life88 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              because tingles über alles

              [–]RP085 13 points14 points  (1 child)

              I will never understand how a woman will disregard everything that is 100 percent certain about her hardworking, faithful and dutiful husband/father to take a chance with the "other man" because...I don't know - feelings maybe?

              From "The Alabaster Girl":

              But think about it... would a woman really throw it all away for the fleeting notion of a mere fling? Does she really desire that fantasy-romance-novel life more than the one she currently inhabits? Would she really trade her life with her kind, caring husband and her much-loved children for some alternate life of wild abandon? No, of course not. But like a prisoner in a small cell, with everything taken care of, food and water and books and all the amenities supplied, she still dreams about that one hour of exercise a day, in the little square prison yard outside, where she might see a cloud or a bird, and feel the grass beneath her feet.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 20 points21 points  (4 children)

              And in case some MGTOW 2nd wave wanna be jerks himself off over this, don't forget.

              Some guys are just shitty, and she will leave, and you'll continue to be shitty. Don't be shitty, then jerk yourself off about upgrading

              [–]cashmoney_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I will never understand how a woman will disregard everything that is 100 percent certain about her hardworking, faithful and dutiful husband/father to take a chance with the "other man" because...I don't know - feelings maybe?

              Not justifying this, but here's how I see it: Imagine you marry a 10/10 and several months in to the relationship she wakes up one morning, you look over at her and she's been replaced by a 2/10 landwhale.

              That's how they feel (I think). Mostly because they aren't monogamous/have a dual mating strategy.

              [–]_Thurston_Howell_ 59 points60 points  (3 children)

              Her lack of acknowledgment for completely obliterating a nuclear family because she is a selfish slut is stunning.

              [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 30 points31 points  (0 children)

              That's because a woman and men have completely different ideas of a "family." She can't care about a concept she doesn't share with you. Her family is "her children."

              You're either a contributor or a provider, remember?

              [–]dingman58 4 points5 points  (1 child)

              Are you really that surprised?

              [–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 96 points97 points  (5 children)

              You made such an effort and I always felt special and with him I didn't feel that so I ended it because i realized dating should be so much more.

              Sounds about right! Do to much and show you care.....Ew, the man is Beta....NEXT! Do to little and NGAF....Ew, the man is an uncaring jerk....NEXT.

              A strange game professor. The only winning move is not to play.

              What do you all think?

              I think she got pumped and dumped by her "boyfriend" or she discovered that her "boyfriend" was fucking other girls making her a plate who didn't know it. I think she was fishing for comfort and when you refused to give it to her she turned her hypergamy sensors on the next target.

              I think you are on the right track and the best revenge is living well. Wait until ex-wife figures out that you are spinning plates 10 years younger than her. She will sob with her cats and cry: "Whereareallthegoodmen!"

              To which you should always answer; MEEEEOOOOW!

              [–]JackGetsIt 32 points33 points  (1 child)

              She will sob with her cats and cry: "Whereareallthegoodmen!"

              Yes, she will do this but it will never occur to her that she was responsible in any way.

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 19 points20 points  (0 children)

              If OP is doing it right he won't care what she thinks.

              [–]Backuponit2017[S] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

              completely agree. She got dumped and was sniffing around. There was no real remorse about the consequences of her actions upon her children. It doesn’t really matter I️ suppose as I’ve been able to focus my energy and efforts upon being a better father and person and my life has improved in so many other ways aside from finances.

              [–]EverythingIsFractal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              Inspirational. Keep working hard buddy.

              [–]juliusstreicher 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              I think she got pumped and dumped by her "boyfriend" or she discovered that her "boyfriend" was fucking other girls making her a plate who didn't know it. I think she was fishing for comfort and when you refused to give it to her she turned her hypergamy sensors on the next target.

              Yep. Maybe she was even the one who was paying all of his bills, while he was fucking all these chicks!

              [–]THEN1NJA 43 points44 points  (1 child)

              That branch wasn't sturdy nigga lmao

              [–]cellphon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              That 300lb gorilla jumped from a stout oak to a soft sapling, with the predictable result.

              [–]BewareTheOldMan 117 points118 points  (18 children)

              My response: “Please email me your thoughts and concerns regarding the children and I’d be happy to continue the dialogue in that format. Thanks.”

              Savage, but clever! Your response and tone is excellent.

              I commend you for maintaining positive contact and influence with your children. Very telling…her direct compliment to you as a father. She misses your rock-steady leadership and certainty you provided while married, and realizes that it's a great quality and hard to find in other men.

              As my kids grew older, my communication was directly to them and I barely interacted with the ex-wife. I maintain that pattern to this day and my kids are now all adults. However, I don't hate their mother and I remind my kids to call at least once a week/weekends. It's the most I'm willing to do...after all, I'm not an unfathomable jerk.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 62 points63 points  (16 children)

              It's not clever, it's not excellent. It's frame.

              He focused 100% on raising his kids and legal protections for himself, anything outside that is irrelevant

              [–]BewareTheOldMan 35 points36 points  (15 children)

              It's frame.

              I can support that.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 34 points35 points  (13 children)

              I worry a bit. Lot of guys focused on 'teaching her a lesson' or shooting her Down hard.

              How successful would he be if he had nothing better to do than fight with a divorced ex bitch?

              [–]BewareTheOldMan 14 points15 points  (1 child)

              I don't know any man who has the time or interest to fight with the ex-wife. As always, it's pointless, exhausting, and sometimes expensive. Life-lessons for ex-wives come as a natural result of divorce. No need to "teach" anything or focus on revenge.

              Women almost always find out how hard life is as a divorced woman with kids. Few, if any, go on to a better life than they had with the husband.

              My focus was always interaction with my kids. Logistics with the ex-wife was kept to a bare minimum. This was a tactic I used long before stumbling across TRP.

              However, I note TRP would have been very helpful to me before and during the marriage - that is, assuming I decided to marry at all.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Hey, not a lot of divorced dad data points around. Guess you lucked out, and got to be the tip of the spear on that subject

              [–]MillionaireSexbomb 9 points10 points  (8 children)

              Too many guys here stay stuck in their egos and butthurt not realizing doing these things won’t change her, because she won’t see any wrongdoing or real realization on her part, just that “he’s being an asshole when I reached out in my way to him.” From what I’ve seen here that’s a big component that’s holding a majority of these guys back.

              [–]BewareTheOldMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              ...guys here stay stuck in their egos and butthurt...

              It's an unfortunate and residual side effect of the Anger Phase. I was angry for a while too...and then realized "it is what it is," accepted my role for selecting terribly (with women) and moved on from it to a better mental space.

              I'm no psychiatrist or behavioral specialist, but I suspect it's the Blue Pill/Disney/"All women are virtuous and wholesome" Conditioning. Most men receive that constant message over a lifetime from boyhood through young adulthood. It's only after being burned a few times the false lies and bitter realty becomes apparent.

              Depending what happened and the associated events, some guys never fully come out of it. It's as if you can see it in their demeanor, writing, and tone.

              Fortunately for most, they eventually come out clean and better men on the other side of it.

              Besides - the TRP folks aren’t really that bad. I have no idea the extent of the emotional damage to the ladies over at WGTOW and triggering events, but some of them may never escape the Anger Phase.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 1 point2 points  (6 children)

              And I'd almost believe the "self improvement guise!" chodes, if they weren't worse.

              You nailed it. Give less fucks

              [–]JustForTRP 0 points1 point  (5 children)

              Who are the self improvement guise chodes?

              Arent you one of those guys? Everyone on the red pill is a self improvement guy

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 3 points4 points  (4 children)

              Absolutely not. I can't recall any EC giving a tip of the hat to the phrase, or the concept.

              Improvement, on it's surface is fine. I want more sexual options, I do X Y Z to get them. If you end up with more options than you started? Improvement.

              Add 'Self' and it becomes this weird, ego invested, container word. It's vague, you can bullshit it, and it often ends up as a variation of the following:

              Getting girls is so beta! Stop trying to fuck, which is putting pussy on a pedestal! Self improvement is more than having sex, it's about saving western civilization! /#upstreamtwitter!

              it's a weird mix of narcissism (and not the good kind) ego defense, and feelgood pseudo-improvement. Redpill isn't Anthony Robbins 2.0, it's not an ideology, philosophy, or life coaching seminar. It's a strategy guide.

              How to get girls to want to fuck you more, so you can focus on what to do after you get the jizz out of your head.

              [–]JustForTRP 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              I get what youre saying about the whole "movement to save the world" BS, but to me, lifting weights, reading TRP, eating better diet, reading other good knowledgeble books - that's all self improvement.

              so i guess TRP is just one self improvement strategy, like how body building plans are self improvement strategies,

              becoming the best version of ourselves u know?

              the best version of me gets pussy sometimes... hopefully.

              [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              It's improvement.

              Best way to frame it. Improvement is about reaching a goal. improving your strength can be measured, improving your notch count can be measured, improving finances can be measured.

              Self improvement is about improving how you feel about yourself, vague, and bullshittable.

              Kind of like the lottery. If winning the lottery is such a great thing, why are only poor losers the ones playing?

              [–]washington_breadstix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Typing this:

              > It's frame

              Will make your comment look like this:

              It's frame.

              [–]kieran9323 166 points167 points  (7 children)

              In the texts she has sent you, there were:

              I - 17 times

              you - 7 times

              we - 4 times

              [–]Godskook 45 points46 points  (0 children)

              So does "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I know how much I hurt you."

              Be careful with that sort of blind word-count analysis, it can lead to overly-superficial results.

              [–]shaggyctes88 57 points58 points  (0 children)

              We should start paying attention to these little details....man classic narcissism.

              [–]Real_Hood 15 points16 points  (0 children)

              Your are really pointing out the important stuff!

              It should be majority "we" instead of "I"

              [–]forgetful_storytellr 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              That's why I loved that iPhone "I" typo update that everyone got... it was like a scarlet letter for narcissists

              [–]Khannahk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              That's women, man. I, I, I, I, me, me, me, feel, feel, feel. They're born solipsistic.

              [–]vwzwv 25 points26 points  (0 children)

              She didn't necessarily have any intention to rekindle things. She may have solely wrote that to turn him in to a hopeful orbiter, who would do her favors and kiss her ass.

              [–]InformalCriticism 27 points28 points  (0 children)

              You got an apology. That's more than most get. But, she plans to gain everything you've rebuilt, and to take what's yours all over again.

              It's a pretty obvious trap. Where was the empathy? What does she have to offer you in any of that?

              She just talked about all the things she wanted, all the things she got, and how her preferences just changed, and now she wants all the things she destroyed, again - all things in flux, as female nature is.

              /u/Derek1382 has the best reply.

              All I have to add is that you shouldn't even entertain the idea that she is even human at this point. You say "AWALT", but you have a proven history with this woman, that she doesn't even see you as a human - you are an object through which she can slake her lust for whatever craving she might have.

              AWALT is a reliable pattern of behavior and potential for selfishness that all women possess. This one in particular has proven her disrespect for you, so you can't even reap the benefits from female nature in this case anymore. Save yourself, man. Don't let your imagination defeat you.

              [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (5 children)

              I just wanted to give you guys a perspective on AWALT and how history and events are often manipulated and revised by women.

              This is so true and exactly what I am dealing with now. Talked to an ex last night. I shouldn't have but I needed to work through letting it go and I knew hearing her shot would remind me why I'm better off without her ( I got sucked in. Judge if you want.)

              Basically, her excuse for fucking a guy at her HS reunion was that we weren't technically together, although we were working on things and slept together less than 24 hours before and she kept in contact with me all night telling me that she loved me and was thinking about me and she wanted me to know that I had nothing to worry about. In reality, she spent the night escalating with a guy and ended up fucking him in the park. When busted, she pulls the technicality when she does really know the situation. How can I ever trust her again when she will do everything to make me feel secure about trusting her while actually preparing to fuck some dude? But 'This time will be different".

              I brought up how she has cheated on every man that she has been with and there is always an excuse like "It wasn't really cheating because it was over for me and I wasn't into it" when talking about fucking her ex husband while having a boyfriend. Oh yeah? Did he know that? You didn't break up with him until two month's later!

              The point is, women will do what they want and only regret it if they get busted and will even play mental gymnastics in their own mind to avoid responsibility for their actions and choices. There is always a justification or an excuse.

              I am thankful though, because of what I wrote above and the hammer to the head when the next gf let slip that I was chosen over someone else because "I would be a good step dad", (I am not your Beta provider or financial support. If it's not about us then bye) I realize that AWALT and gained a true perspective on what to expect with women in their thirties and know that I won't be sucked in again.

              It is a disappointing realization but having realized it (with much turmoil in the process) I feel freer than ever. No more trying to force people to be what I want them to be while in the back of my mind knowing who they are and wanting to believe otherwise. Now I know what to expect, see things as they truly are, and realize that I won't get sucked into a relationship again and I will just play the game. Seriously, the bullshit women bring with them isn't worth for anything other than temporary fun and entertainment.

              The funny thing is though, the ex spoken about above is almost 40 now and seeing who she dates is sad. Overweight boring men with nothing going on. Her sexual market value is declining quickly and she threw away a great thing. Now she is almost begging for me back, probably because she realizes that the only quality men left can do better than her and may just use her for a fuck. She knows her looks and offereings are declining quickly.

              [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              You got it man. Came to the same conclusion from a theory perspective.

              Now I know what to expect, see things as they truly are, and realize that I won't get sucked into a relationship again and I will just play the game.

              This is it. Lot's of guys doing a ton of mental gymnastics and deceiving themselves. I want to throw up every time I read about guys figuring out new blue pill formulas remember back in those days on how I was still a mile away from getting it.

              Then it just clicks.

              And it becomes clear as day what you realized.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Yep. I used to do the same thing. Wish things were a certain way so I would do the mental gymnastics and make excuses or justifications for her. It was so stupid and pathetic. But all I can say is lesson learned. Feel better than I have in years.

              [–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (2 children)

              Great comment and lesson. Happy to hear it.

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              I looked back and also realized that every time I put myself first, I succeed and get ahead in life. When I am putting a woman first, it always leads in five steps back somehow.

              From now on it’s me first in all things and if I even am with a woman, she will just have to accept that. It’s all about self improvement and bettering myself from here on out.

              [–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              ...at the end of the day, this is all that matters. Your kids, if you have any, will be better in life and respect you more if you stick to that path. It's amazing when you put on your peripheral blinders and go after things in life besides women...that is when they won't leave you alone. Then if you succumb to those harpies, your life destruction begins all over again.

              Now that I'm wrapping up my 2nd divorce, I really don't believe that one can employ "frame" or "dread" or any of that bullshit to maintain a relationship. Only that AWALT applies to ANY attractive woman....and it will all just repeat regardless of what or who you are.....just ask Brad Pitt!

              [–]donkeyotee 16 points17 points  (0 children)

              My Ex wife texts me about the dogs a couple of times a year. She kept them. They're just an anchor for her. An excuse to get closure or see if I still give a shit about her.

              I'm reasonable but firm. I decided that if that's what she needs to feel better about her choices it doesn't take anything away from me other than a few seconds of my time.

              I never contact her. It's always her texting me out of the blue. Actually it started after I ran into her while out and about after not seeing her in years. I had put on about 30lbsof muscle and was looking the best I've looked since my late 20s.

              [–]SteveStJohn 15 points16 points  (0 children)

              Save the message. Screen shot it. You’ll need it if she decides later you’re not a good father.

              [–][deleted]  (2 children)

              [deleted]

              [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 11 points12 points  (1 child)

              "But that's different!"

              How?

              "God! Fucking hate you!"

              [–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 11 points12 points  (0 children)

              This is some next level mind fuckery. "I forgive myself, from you, thanks... me."

              [–]SigmaBusiness 22 points23 points  (2 children)

              she thought grass is greener on the other side. She still has the naive idea about her how her value is still the same before having the kids, before marriage. She thinks she is in early 20s.

              My biological mother actually married for the second time with my step dad and he provides almost 100% of the financial aspect in the marriage. All my mom does is cook (although she is a professional chef, she doesn't practice anymore as she got old). She also told me the same thing recently. She told me verbatim, "I am not happy in my current marriage." I told her, "Well, mom, no offense, but you are closing on 60, you are obese and had two children. I think you are very lucky to have my step dad who can provide for you and take care of you. I don't think there is a good chance you will be able to find someone better." She did not get upset when I told her that, but she said, "You don't know that. How do you know? I can find someone better."

              [–]AdvanceLife 10 points11 points  (0 children)

              Women have been spoon-fed this Disney fairy-tale that they deserve it all and should always be happy on external things.

              [–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 31 points32 points  (0 children)

              Good response.

              I like your formal tone, it's a manly GTFO slap to her punctuationally-challenged attempt to still get something out of you next month.

              If there is such a thing in your jurisdiction, I'd CC your response to whatever court or social services / child protection servces institution / divorce lawyer(s) etc. were involved in your division of custody.

              I know it doesn't mean anything formally (nobody gives a fuck about your private correspondence at this point) but it would be an extra slap to show you're 100% official about it.

              tl,dr: slap that AWALT

              [–]kardz33 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Long story short: she thought she could do better.

              She couldn’t.

              She is appealing to old feelings and nostalgia.

              If you can avoid being manipulated, you could pump and dump her like a casual conquest if you want to be savage. But that leads to problems potentially if she decides to stir shit up in court.

              Also, keep texts and voicemails 100% professional. If she wants to get emotional let her dig her own grave in case she wants to come hard later.

              Don’t verbalize it, but take the mentality she can pound salt.

              Live your life my friend. 100% you and your children.

              [–]hodltaco 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Ex did that with me too. Exactly like that. AWALT.

              [–]Paranoidexboyfriend 4 points5 points  (1 child)

              She was probably building up to ask you for money sometime on the near future now that she’s been recently pumped and dumped

              [–]MGTOWManofMystery 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              What is the "hurt" she is referring to?

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              Firstly I would be very surprised if there was no cheating, maybe she just hid it well. Secondly, she is feeling lonely because her current dick is no longer there for her, so she reaches out for another familiar dick to help her little fee fees. You have not been clear about the divorce, how and why did it happen? Who initiated it? We are missing a lot of the picture here.

              [–]Backuponit2017[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              She initiated. We had been having issues for some time and had attempted counseling together for a brief period of time. I went to a therapist on my own and attempted to salvage it even after her filing for almost 4 months. Why did it happen? I️ would say ultimately both people have to value one another and the relationship and put the other person’s needs first and ultimately it became only one person doing it. It has to be a mutual effort. As mentioned, i tried to salvage it and stopped after she filed to have a custody evaluation done. That was the point of no return as it demonstrated to me she was only interested in money in regards to child support and not what was best for the children.

              [–]SnickeringBear 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Focus on what the kids need. Mine needed me to be there as a stable figure in their life. I freely visit with her and have no qualms talking with her. I do not do any social activities with her. I do not discuss what is best for the kids with her. It was and still is easiest to just do what is best for them by planning age appropriate activities together. It is 24 years since the divorce. Her life has been one long rolling disaster.

              The key is to have boundaries that she is not allowed to cross. You set the boundaries.

              [–]Lateralanouncer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Translation. My hypergamous nature made me think I could upgrade. After riding the cc for a while I realised no one better would keep me. You where so good and amazing to me. But it is still your fault as I am not responsible for anything in my life. Damn I fucked up but it is your fault.

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              As a divorce attorney, this is standard divorce buyer's remorse is what I'll tell you. You made the right call reducing the dialogue to about the welfare and happiness of the children in email format. I'd say take it one step further in forward the texts to your email and emailing her about those and how you hope to be a mutually productive parent in regards to the well-being and happiness of the children and anytime she wants to discuss these factors she should email you and you will strive to respond within three days.

              The cord is cut. It's time to move on and focus on your kids. Hopefully you have 50/50 timesharing so you can chase down some strange when you need some pussy in your life. If you had been important to her, she would have made the effort to keep the marriage going, to keep it happy. I"m married, and I'm a pill to deal with but i make the effort to be a partner in my marriage and to also be an incredibly attentive father so all she has to really do is have "fun" times with the kids while I do nearly all the heavy lifting and hard stuff (I potty trained my kids, I got them on to solid foods, I changed most of their diapers [and thus why I was eager to get them potty trained ASAP], I got them the private tutor, and I'm the one who puts them to bed and gets them up in the morning while putting in sixty hours a week between my law firm and selling insurance and annuities. The only free time I have in life is shooting, lifting weights, and occasionally fucking some strange (this includes BDSM dungeon time). Oh and Reddit, which I do to take micro breaks from working.

              All I ask in return is getting enthusiastic head three to four times a week (I typically go down on her as well), allowed to get some strange (my wife has cuckquean tendencies) on ocassion (her rules is they have to be under 25 and not married, if they already have kids, that's preferable), and be allowed to work and make money.

              And still I make time to take her on dates, out to dinner, see plays she enjoys (she knows I fake my enjoyment but some shit you just gotta do), give her massages while we cuddle and watch stuff on Netflix and Amazon Prime (we only have two TVs in our house and one is in the garage (my home gym) which typically results in sex.

              If she asked for a divorce, I'd give it with a smile and have no regrets, and leave her be while I kept scamming on young women and having my fun when it wasn't my time for time-sharing with the kids.

              [–]metallicdrama 8 points9 points  (1 child)

              I would have texted back "who the fuck are you and why are you texting my boyfriend's phone?"

              [–]buster2209 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Spot on. Keep frame and don't allow her to hoover you back in.

              Reading between the lines of what she wrote, she fucked up. She thought the grass was greener on the other side and it's not.

              [–]reigorius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Ahh, the cruelty of women disguised as them being honest and forthcoming.

              [–]Endorsed ContributorTaipanshimshon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              lol

              well I bet she felt good forgiving herself

              [–]fflando 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              The only benefit of being on good terms with her is for her benefit only; it makes her feel less guilty for ruining everything.

              [–]acetylcysteine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              i've seen this remorse in my own relationships and friends. the grass is always greener my friend. i personally shut down any sort of "rekindling" immediately. they made their choice, now live with it. whereas i have friends who feed into that nonsense and end up in some weird half in/half out relationship for an extended period of time.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              My ex did the same thing, I just didn't bother responding. Only you know what went down between you, but I suspect you felt betrayed by her.

              My ex did unforgivable things to me (although it's kinda hard to really explain to an outside observer) but I still tried to forgive her and become friends 6 months after we broke up. She denied my request to get together, and I was still sad and believed she was a decent person. Then I ran into her about a week later and I saw this look in her - it's hard to explain but it was like she was savoring the power over me and was getting a kick out of denying me. At that point I realized she was a scumbag and deleted all her contact information, blocked her on fb, etc

              A year later she texted me telling me how she was so sorry and I was a great person and I didn't respond. I told my buddy and he was like "what did she break up with her boyfriend or something?" She's a scumbag and if we had kids I would be terrified of having anything to do with her.

              I'm sure it's possible to have an amicable break up or divorce, but in my case (and in the case of my dad and mom getting divorced) when the women is a sadist who gets off on control and power I see complete emotional detachment as the only correct action. I suspect you had a similar epiphany with your ex, where there was zero chance of trusting anything she said

              [–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              I want to interject with something that is often overlooked on Red Pill discussions and theories....and that is the inherent biological imperative of men and their ability to "fall out of love". Our modern "civilized" era is but a pinprick in the overall time scale of human evolution. We men, for the better part of that evolution, have had the ability to spread our seed and move on to the next hunter-gatherer tribe without a care for the female or our potential offspring. Has the Blue Pill training, from the time we could crawl, really changed our most primitive mating behaviors? Short answer is no.

              It is vitally important for men to realize [post-divorce] that they can and WILL fall out of love with the harpy that just obliterated their family. AWALT is the rule, not the exception. Attempts at hypergamy is in fact what women do naturally as they did during our expansive hunter-gatherer period. All the RP bravado aside, I want to reach the men that are just now at the beginning stages of the divorce rape process that they now find themselves in. The OP here has a great example of where YOU will find yourself in a couple years down the road if you pick up your spear and just move on to another hunting ground....it is almost text book. I've been there myself, a couple times now, and I can tell you that the anger, depression and feelings of lost will dissipate. It is your NATURE to become indifferent, and that is when your ex will begin reaching out for validation or to perhaps even branch swing back. Just don't go back to the plantation! More importantly, never fuck her after you've made the emotional detachment! I don't believe there is a man on here that would tell you that it was worth it....especially me.

              [–]AdvanceLife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              When my first "ex" broke up with me I was destroyed but I've moved to a stronger place. If you told me I'd feel better I wouldn't of believed you. FUCK seeking validation. Internal peace is the promise land.

              [–]osirise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              That's a hell of a reply. Nice work OP

              [–]Witch-Doctor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              😂 brutal response. Summed it up nicely mate

              [–]RPVegan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Yup starting to get AWALT this is basically how she felt now. She will probably say how much of a terrible husband and father you are in the next one lol

              [–]Jonlife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Yep, she's looking for an emotional tampon of a baby daddy when ever she's alone and taking breaks from riding the cock carousel. Masterfully replied. Women are never content and want to have ten guys stringing along. You'd think they'd grow out of such trivial antics but they're literally children mentally no matter how wrinkled and dried up they become.

              [–]long-lostfriend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Yeah, I got this shit from my ex, too. File it under, "I fucked myself and our kids over, and I need you to help me feel better about it."

              Once she even sent me something from a therapist -- a suggested "ritual of parting" with a script and candles and all of that shit, in order to ceremonially bring closure to our marriage. Yeah, I never seemed to get around to that.

              [–]Thizzlebot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Sounds like my exgf. She would always say shit like that. I'm too immature to not respond though I would usually send something back like a pic of Obi Wan saying "it's a trap send no transmission". I hate that my entertainment is a higher importance than being stoic but it sure is fun lol

              [–]Vizukah 1 point2 points  (2 children)

              Most of you loved his response. But to me it sounded butthurt. Is the kind of cold response women use to bring you down. To me it sounds like you have been waiting to sound cold as a little revenge. Like trying too hard to sound like you don't care or are busy doing something else.....and then you run to tell your friends (us in this case) about it. JUST LIKE ALL WOMEN DO.

              [–]Backuponit2017[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

              Just a bit of additional background: after the divorce was final at the beginning of this year, I️ had asked to communicate by email only and only about the kids unless it was an urgent matter. She would continue to text about non urgent things (not always child related) and basically try to cross the boundaries I’d created for myself, upon which I️ would then ignore her messages. These boundaries were very clear. Messages from her would peter out and then ramp back up in a cyclical pattern. This exchange is a reflection of that, with the exception of “apologizing” on her end.

              The broader message I️ wanted to get across is her messages demonstrate grass is greener syndrome/branch swinging, attempts at emotional manipulation by appealing to memories of past times, solipsism, hamstering, gaslighting past history, etc.-all common tactics we see used by women. Hence the AWALT in the title.

              [–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I didn't read that he had been waiting to sound cold.

              [–]3nebder 0 points1 point  (2 children)

              OP, I find this post odd. You’ve thought quite a bit about an interaction from a month ago. It was important enough to you to repost it from a new account. I can’t tell if this post is a hunt for validation or if you actually want an opinion. You have crossposted to TRP and MGTOW. Posting to those two subs will net you reiterations of the male equivalent to “you go, girl!” and various forms of “oh the stupid-evil wymminz finally getting what they deserve”. There is a familial impact to your actions. Crossposting to MRP is more likely to get you actionable and useful advice concerning the children, which at this point should be your focus as a father to small children at a very important stage in their life. OP, there’s my thoughts.

              I maintain a friendly relationship with my ex. We chat some. I have her do shit for me. We swap favors. We cover for each other when shit comes up. We horsetrade and work out the holidays so that everybody gets a fair shake. I reasoned that there is no upside to hate or holding a grudge. I don’t want that negativity in my head and hating my son’s mother will inevitably hurt him. This relationship is a calculated move on my part. No kid, I would ghost her and move on. That’s not a viable option.

              This relationship is much better vs the confrontational post-divorce thing. I hear horror stories from my buddies on their continuing drama to women they aren’t even fucking. Fuck that. I actively remove and avoid drama from my life.

              Your life, your call. My decision works for me. OP, your post brought out some whisper knowledgebombs. I’m thankful for that in the spirit of thanksgiving.

              My current relationship with my ex highlights that women act as badly as you allow them. After the separation, there was a frame battle (which I was completely unaware of at the time that it was happening, I was sick of taking her shit) and the power dynamics were reestablished. I stopped deferring to her and stopped allowing her to get away with bullshit. A couple no that doesn’t work for me’s and some other conversations/arguments where I held my ground and pushed back to force my will. It’s a dark irony to me that I don’t take shit at work and would come home and defer to my ex and try to please and cajole her. Now she submits and follows my lead and she’s not even my fucking wife. That’s not some kind of humblebrag, it reinforces to me how badly I fucked up for so long.

              Meta:

              If you take a step back, this thread reads very similar to a 2xc thread. More and more lately I’ve been seeing the male equivalents to the SJW/feminist tropes we collectively hate on. I cannot agree with these male equivalents any more than I can agree with the female equivalents. My jury is still out on what this means for me.

              Fuck it, it’s time to clean up and get out into the world. Blackout Wednesday awaits my presence and women are more fun than reddit.

              [–]2Archterus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Kudos to you brother, a textbook response. Beautifully handled. all the best for the future.

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