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Building PowerConquering the voices in your brain and achieving whatever you want in your life. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1princeahole

First post here, hope it provides some value to you.

I've always been fascinated with mindset. I believe that mindset is about 80% of your results.

I've read a couple books on mindset as of late and these concepts can not only apply to your dating life, but to your fitness, business, work, family life, and more.

We have 2 types of voices in our head: One side of your head we call our rational head, and our emotional head.

Rational Head

This is the side of our head with the best intentions in mind. The one that takes into account your long term goals, and has the processes in place to achieve such goals. If utilized and optimized correctly this can account for nothing short of incredible results. This side of the brain wants you to start that next business. This side of the brain wants you to approach that hot girl on the street. This side of the brain wants you to eat keto and count your macros so you can get shredded for summer or the show. This side wants you to get up at 5AM and go for a run. This side of the brain wants you to go up to your boss and ask for a promotion that you thoroughly deserve. The only thing stopping it? The emotional head.

Emotional Head

This is the side of our head that has the now in mind, and completely disregards the future in any way, shape, or form. This head has formed an identity of who you are and won't budge to change such identity. This is the side of you which wants you to abandon that business idea, you aren't an entrepreneur. What are you thinking? This side of the brain wants you to stare at the hot girl walking by you and take no action. You don't approach girls on the street, that's not you, that's intrusive, you're an introvert, etc. That side of the brain wants you to eat pizza and ice cream and watch netflix instead of going to the gym and sticking to your diet. You'll never get a six pack anyway so why bother trying? This side wants you to snooze away and sleep in till 1PM and get nothing done.

Conquering the emotional head

So you may be asking yourself; how do I conquer this emotional head? Quite a variety of ways:

  1. The 5 second rule, the Just Do It principle. Debating on snoozing? **Get the fk up.**

  2. Shaping your new identity. In a nutshell, this basically means to craft the person you want to be, convince yourself that you already are that person, and act that way, until one day it becomes natural.

  3. Ignore it. This is probably the hardest to do, and will result in most cases in relapse but I have seen some people who it works well for.

  4. Dive headfirst into it and give yourself no safety blanket. Reluctant to go to the gym? Instead of doing a 1 hour workout, do a 3 or 4 hour workout, and a intense one. Make sure you are gasping for air afterwards. Quit your job and go after that business idea all-in.

Thought Processes You Need to Go Through

Another aspect to conquering this emotional brain, is to take it with consideration and find a balance.

  1. Say you want to start that business. Your emotional brain says statistically, 80% of businesses fail. That's factual, but have you ever TRIED such business? Do you see a trend why these 80% failed? What did the other 20% do differently to succeed? Are there any ACTUAL Barriers preventing you from starting such business? Maybe capital is one of them. Valid excuse, given you've talked to actual investors to see if they are sold on your idea.

  2. Your emotional brain says you don't have time to go to the gym or prep food. Have you ever broken down every single hour in your day? Do you honestly not have a measly 2 hours to get a quick workout in and throw some meat in the oven? Don't have time? Are your really prioritizing your life right?

  3. Something that resonates with some of you, approach anxiety. You want to approach that girl at the bar, she's sitting with a guy. Your emotional brain says "That's probably her boyfriend, there's no point" Probably. You have no idea until you actually approach her.

  4. You want to wake up early and be productive. You're emotional brain wants to snooze and get a couple more hours of sleep. Nothing is pinning you down, forcing you to sleep, and if you can extend your arm to click the snooze button you can use your arm to prop you up.

How this applied in my life

I used to be a straight up loser. I convinced myself I was one. I was short, fat, Asian, forever alone, introverted, can't talk to girls, etc. I was a disaster. I was this way for a damn long time. Inside I knew, somehow, I was a winner. I ignored this voice (the Rational head).

One day, I needed money and I got hired as a telemarketer. But I convinced myself I was a terrible salesman and unconfident (as much as there was some truth to it, it was simply because I was a beginner and had a lot to learn), and I dealt with call reluctance and eventually got a verdict that I had to hit my numbers next month or out the door I went. I knew inside I could at least hit my sales numbers, and theoretical factors were just stopping. I had the training, the offer perfected, but I wasn't taking any action. My "emotional brain" was firing on full cylinders.

So I started to change my mindset.

I convinced myself I was a great salesman, and that I was an absolute natural. I doubled the sales numbers that month. I imagined the salesman I wanted to be, and moulded my way into it. I imagined in my mind I was confident, charismatic, took rejection as a rejection of the service and not me and enthusiastic. And guess what? I became that person. Inside, I knew, I was a good salesman. I just couldn't convince myself to.

So after doubling my sales numbers and making my boss happy, I thought how could I apply this to other parts of my life? Using this method, I got better at game. I got better with family life. I started working out at 7AM. I started eating clean 24/7. I got ripped.

Am I still introverted? Asian? short? Yeah, there's some things you can't change. If you met me for the first time you'd be convinced I was extroverted.

TL;DR You can become the person you want to be by imagining yourself as such person. You can conquer the voices inside your head that say "You Can't Do It" and actually do it."


[–]BurnoutRS 55 points56 points  (6 children)

The emotional cycle, and how to break free from it

Your emotions are not you! They are merely a part of you. Like an adviser, they serve to notify you of things you may have otherwised overlooked, but like an adviser, you dont have to follow them to the letter.

Your emotions influence your thoughts and your thoughts influence your behaviours. Its really no more complicated than that. If you feel sad, you're more likely to think sad thoughts like "I dont want to do anything today, whats the point". If you act on those thoughts, then you sit around feeling sad, thinking more sad thoughts. You get the point.

Lots of things in life are cyclical. Identify the point in the cycle wherein you have the agency to make a change. Dont nurse the sadness, go for a walk.

This shit is so simple and it took me years to figure out. I live in Canada and it gets cold as fuck sometimes. Until I was 19 I was such a little bitch in the cold that I had anxiety about whether or not id be able to hold a job in the winter. So where did I have agency in this context? Well my cold tolerance was shit because I stayed indoors most winters. Second I was too lazy to dress properly and bring a bag with some extra socks and shirts for layering.

It was like my whole life I was complaining that I was too much of a bitch to stop being a bitch

[–]1redhawkes 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Your emotions influence your thoughts and your thoughts influence your behaviours.

It's the other way around,

thoughts>emotions>action>habit.

Control your thoughts (meditate), and you'll control your emotions. Simple CBT.

And you're right, it's a vicious cycle that causes depression and anxiety if not interrupted. The key is to identify the trigger with mindfulness.

[–]growinglats 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yep, I have a really positive attitude. Stress doesn’t hit me nearly as hard as others. It’s been a long time since I’ve been sad, can’t remember the last time I cried or yelled. But I feel a lot of joy and humor.

[–]pridebrah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Old post here but I'm digging through the archives of mindfulness. What would you attribute your positive attitude to? Have you always been that way naturally or were there conscious things you did to get to that point?

[–]BurnoutRS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a feeling i got the order wrong. The book Mind Over Mood helped me alot with understanding this subject.

[–]AmatureProgrammer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just starting to realize that too. I'm making small progress though. I hate the fact that my emotional side defined me. I hated the fact that I would much rather listen to that side than to my rational side. I feel like is missed out on so much because I would rather feel comfortable and let life pass.

[–]Pedrao420 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Right f*%king on man. I just gave up on some addictions I had and I totally relate to what you wrote. More people need this motivation. Congratulations

[–]michaelkc03 17 points18 points  (0 children)

A piece of advice that has helped me...”anytime you feel fear or doubt it is an indicator you need to redirect your attention. Where? Away from yourself and onto the task at hand.” I feel there is profound truth in this.

[–]PreOrgasmGroanLness 28 points29 points  (5 children)

Dive headfirst into it and give yourself no safety blanket. Reluctant to go to the gym? Instead of doing a 1 hour workout, do a 3 or 4 hour workout, and a intense one. Make sure you are gasping for air afterwards. Quit your job and go after that business idea all-in.

Disagreed. Never worked for me. I get overwhelmed and overworked and fall easily into emotional headspace. Better approach that has worked for me is to do average effort but be consistent. Exceptional effort makes me feel great and motivated for a moment, then I quickly become tired and disinterested. On the other hand, average effort isn't as attractive from the outside, but combined with outstanding consistency produces better results.

[–]Cos_7_ate_9 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't think you are able to "conquer" your emotional side outside of exceptional circumstances.

OP have you heard of the rider-elephant theory of psychology? The rider is the rational, linguistic side and the elephant is the intuitive, emotional side. The thing is elephants are not like horses, they're way too smart and have their own wills. The rider cannot force the elephant to do anything but they can nudge the elephant in a certain direction. The rider has to build a relationship with the elephant so that the elephant is also interested in doing what the rider wants. Being in a herd with other rider-elephants is also a strong motivation to go in their direction.

This is the way to do it: slow, consistent, reinforcing nudges of the intuitive, emotional side toward the goals of the rational side. If you try to force it you will break the trust of the elephant and it will just see the rider as a pain. Attempts of the rational side to take control will produce the anxiety of wasted time that people react to by drowning it out. This sub also partly serves the function of a herd keeping you in check but really you want to find good friends who can keep you accountable.

[–]look_good 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This. Going all in looks good on paper but it’s not sustainable. Maybe the first couple times you’ll be motivated but motivation is shit. Don’t rely on motivation, build good habits.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]ENOUGH_TRUMP_SPAM_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I like the mini habit idea

    [–]1princeahole[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, I meant more along the lines of taking massive, consistent action, not in bursts. So for example, in my sales job I made 100 cold calls to prospects instead of the 20 or so I was doing (I know, call reluctance is a bitch)

    [–]1redhawkes 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    This is greatly explain in The Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It's called the self image.

    “A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment...For imagination sets the goal ‘picture’ which our automatic mechanism works on. We act, or fail to act, not because of ‘will,’ as is so commonly believed, but because of imagination.”

    As OP have said, it's not enough just to mentally masturbate, but actually do.

    [–]0rientado 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Shit i thought mentally masturbating was enough

    [–]slackbladerered 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    Ha ha, I'm lying in bed contemplating if i should sleep an extra 1/2 hour (I'm in the UK) or go to the gym and bust my arse. I think I'll get up....A timely and insightful post OP. Thanks

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Great post. However, I'm curious. How short are you?

    [–]1princeahole[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    I’m 5’7.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    That is not too short

    [–]pgroups 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    The "going all in" approach has been working for me ngl. You just have to be really pissed off at yourself and have some resources (friends) that you trust. And even just the courage and willpower to tell those that would influence you to get off track. For instance, I was starting to smoke (weed) every single day and I honestly couldn't stop. So I just told my self straight up I would go on a month break without it. Same with booze (didn't have a problem but thought might as well cut "getting drunk" out of the routine as it doesn't help me get anywhere). And now we've added noporn/nofap. Just for a month of complete self control. If I wanted to get happy or satisfied I'm forced to go do something meaningful or productive, if I have sexual urges I at least have to hit up that 5 down the hall. One of my close friends and I are doing this together so we have each other to lean on and talk about our progress (didn't realize how gay we sound sometimes lol "call me if your urges get so bad you can't handle"). However, all my smoking "friends" and even my roommates who constantly smoke/drink Ive had to simply tell them I won't be joining them for the next month at least. And they've honestly been really respectful of it. If they weren't, I would cut them out for good. Even the guy that sells me the good green has been supportive and understanding. One month turned into 2 and so forth. Then I started spending a lot more time with people in my schools real estate and cryptocurrency clubs and workout friends. Eventually, these became my new friends and influences. We talk about how to make a new stream of passive income instead of whose gonna roll the J. I had no choice but to talk to the girl sitting next to me in accounting. (Great FR, btw, if anyone is interested haha). I basically switched everything about my life 180 degrees. I don't know if this would have worked if I just gave myself small goals here or there. And the few times I fall through the cracks, no big deal. I recognize where I failed and evaluate why I did, and continue to set new goals.

    [–]1princeahole[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As long as your consistent with your actions, cold turkey is very very effective

    [–]ECoast_Man 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good post.

    One concept I've been thinking about doing a post on for awhile is about alcohol. I would do one for managing this in the professional world, given it is often thrust upon you. I quit drinking for a long time because it was interfering with my gains and I always overdid it, but I keep it at very small levels now in the legal world. I'm a pro at this one.

    However, I feel a good post would be about how to go about being in college without drinking because lots of college men feel pressured to drink all the time because that's what everyone does. I'm particularly wondering if /u/gaylubeoil would write this, because I understand he doesn't drink and was a self-avowed frat superstar. I think for many men here that seems like a contradiction. This would be an interesting post. I almost became an alcoholic (went down the road of drinking alone and in the morning until I quit cold turkey for about five years) and I was a frequent drug user when I was in college so I wouldn't be the best to talk about how to do it in that environment.

    [–]LazyMagus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Live with the feeling of the wish fulfilled, as Neville Goddard would say.

    [–]SMRII 1 point2 points  (6 children)

    This is very Eckhart Toole'ish. Up voted

    [–]1princeahole[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Took most of these ideas from books such as “The Switch, Psychocybernetics, and a pinch of “The Power Of Now”

    [–]LazyMagus 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    I don't think that is like Tolle. He would just tell you to accept what is and not fight against it. Which is only half the battle if you keep OP in mind. He suggests going further and changing your perception of reality.

    [–]NikhilHalbe 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    If you have read his books, can you help me understand how I can get my sense of identity? I'm not even halfway through 'The Power of Now' but he says stuff around the lines of "You are not what your mind/ego tells you. That is all ego identification."

    I made some goals for myself and I was building my identity around them and the person I would be. But then he goes to say that is what my ego is telling me so I have no idea who the fuck I am.

    [–]LazyMagus 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I cannot help you directly.

    I have read his books and a lot more, but it's not easy to explain the best way of getting your identity. Theoretically, I agree that you are not your mind, because mind is just a collection of thoughts. No thought—no mind.

    But I haven't experienced it.

    To experience it, you can try breath meditation. But I don't like that either. For me, from the past few months, the best and logically the ultimate method seems to be Ramana Maharshi's self enquiry method.

    You can find the best explanation of his teachings, according to me, in the book Be As You Are. This book is excellent in answering a lot of other questions people have and is very refreshing for me. It's like the end-all book for me. I am unable to find any meaning in other spiritual works or teachers after discovering Ramana Maharshi.

    [–]NikhilHalbe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's okay. Thanks for the recommendation. I'll give it a shot!

    [–]NikhilHalbe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I actually think this is the exact opposite of what Eckhart Tolle would say. I was reading his book 'The Power of Now' (finished only about 30 pages) but from what I read, he tells you NOT to get your sense of identity from your mind. OP tells you to imagine what you want to be which pretty much stems from the mind.

    But then again I may not have understood the message of the book clearly enough. I'm confused as fuck.

    [–]BdotEscro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’ve been reading into the law of attraction and auto-suggestion and you are certainly true. Much of what we accomplish is based on mindset alone. If you notice many People won’t even attempt most things they just think they can’t and leave it at that. The mind is very powerful, well, the imagination is.

    [–]RedpillAcolyte 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    We are emotional beings. Displaying complete discipline and control over your "emotional mind" is certainly ideal, but also quite demanding on our psyche. It's a muscle that needs to be built slowly over time.

    For those at the beginning stages of "discipline development", it may be helpful to practice harnessing the power of your emotional mind, instead of shutting it out completely.

    Many negative emotions share similar parts of the brain, but have very different effects on your actions. Learn to turn sadness or helplessness into anger. The former keeps you curled up in your bed, the latter gets your ass in the gym to burn off some steam.

    Eventually, as you begin to see concrete proof in your own life that the difficult things you're doing are making a positive impact, and your "logical mind" (now backed by personal evidence) starts to hold a heavier voice in your head, it becomes easier to suppress the emotional distractions. In the meantime, learn to harness and redirect your feelings to further you towards your goal.

    [–]charley-zed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is - proverbs 23:7

    [–]findurapiotr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Real talk brother. Keep it going. 💪🏼💪🏼

    [–]Shaman6624 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Self hypnosis, quick hack to change what you call " the emotional head's " preconceptions about yourself.

    [–]TheAmphibiaRapist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I think these posts are good examples of how conquering such voices/challenges worked for op. The bottom line is that everyone needs to be driven to develop a comprehensive method like op does that works for hem over a long span of time. Posts like these can be motivating for a day or three, until the next one comes along months later after failure.

    These step by steps are what works for op. Make one for yourself, you can't form an emotional attachment to theories someone else labored mentally to give birth to.

    [–]TheYanginyourYin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Instead of diving headfirst into something like working out for 4 hours instead of 1, set smaller goals for yourself.

    This is a tried and true concept practiced my many, I actually learned it from Tim Ferriss. To further illustrate, let's say you're a writer who wants a book written in 3 months. That leaves a lot of room for undetermined factors such as slack, writers block, becoming overwhelmed, all ideas that will weigh heavily on the side of you failing. This consequently will change you overall outlook on yourself and what you can do, not to mention failing to accomplish the goal you set out for.

    Now change that goal to...say...writing 2 pages a day. Much easier right? And definitely doable. Even if those 2 pages are complete shite the difference here is setting up a small achievable goal and then working past that. If anyone wants to challenge that "oh, if you set small easy goals you'll never accomplish anything truly challenging, false. Your "rational" mind isn't programmed to take the easy way and set goals that we can do half assed. The monkey mind kicks in when we lose focus of our goals. We all have had those experiences where we accomplish something with ease so we push on stronger and more motivated than ever. My 2 cents and a good post overall.

    [–]urbanfoh 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    You mentioned you read a couple of books about that topic. Which ones could you recommend?

    [–]1princeahole[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Most are self-help books, with some you would find in the "business" section of your local Barnes & Noble. Some I recommend are:

    • Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz

    • Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, Chip & Dan Heath

    • Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle

    • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson

    • 10X, Grant Cardone

    [–]WholesomeAwesome 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Voices?

    I don't hear voices.

    It must be your abusive parents living inside your mind as alter egoes or some shit.

    Just recognize what pieces of shit they were and fire them out.

    [–]1princeahole[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    These aren't literal voices; imagine you're trying to do something productive with your life (cold approach a girl, start a business, ask for a promotion), there's always some hesitation or imaginary 'force' preventing you from doing such (approach anxiety, call relectance, self-doubts)

    [–]Nonstopas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Number one thing that is limiting you is the voice inside your head. Conquering it is hard, but once you do it, a happy, clear mindset will help you to become anything you want, of course apart from the things you can't change.

    If all of us had the same mindset of Bill Gates, Elon Musk etc. wouldn't all of us more or less be successful, or at least more successful than how we are now?

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thanks so much for this post. I realised that I've been making excuses that ''I need to reach ''sufficient'''' self-development level'' before I can start working hard, approaching or doing other ''painful'' but necessary things.
    It's amazing how easy it is to fall into BS thinking patterns, even long after you've found right way.
    So I'm gradually working daily on changing my mindset. I doubt I'll do it as fast as you (1 month) but I'm in no rush.

    Thanks :)