TLDR- sexual attraction comes from tension and not comfort. Successful men are comfortable around uncomfortable women.
Men are conditioned to always relieve tension whenever we are around women.
We mistakenly think that a woman must feel comfortable with us to be attracted. However, sexual energy does not come from comfort, but from tension between masculine and feminine poles.
An analogy about tension comes from chess. In chess, there is sometimes a build up of tension. If you capture my bishop I'll capture your knight ... this can build up to a chain of many pieces ... inexperienced players try to relieve this tension and often will be the one to start "trading down" pieces. The experienced player is comfortable with the build up of tension on the board because they can keep track of it. They are in control. When a player starts trading down, it shows their anxiety and gives the final initiative to the player more comfortable with tension.
It is kind of like this with chicks. Being comfortable with tension signals that you are in control of your frame and grounded in your own reality. Also that you are not intimidated by her (this is important). Here are some examples of tension-building situations so you can see what I mean:
- Silence or lull in the conversation
- Time since you've last been in contact
- Arguments or disagreements (especially when emotionally charged)
In addition, women will naturally ratchet up the tension to see how you react. Sometimes indadvertantly.
- She shit tests you
- She says something expecting validation. "I hate the way this dress makes me look"
- She indicates that you've done something wrong and now she's pissed off "I cant believe the way you were talking to our waitress"
I can't think of more off the top of my head but basically here is the rule: any time you feel the urge to smooth things over or make her feel more comfortable, resist the urge!
When you pass a shit test, you are essentially taking the tension she put on you and turning it into sexual energy. This is why I like shit tests so much- they are indicators of interests and a good example of a chick (subconsciously) adding tension to your dynamic. Since tension is sexual energy, this should not be seen as a negative. You don't try to avoid the tension by defending yourself against her shit test. Instead you add tension, and you pull her back into your stronger better frame.
Sexual energy comes from tension. Do not turn away from it and do not try to relieve it. Instead, let it build. When you demonstrate comfort with tension, you communicate to her that your frame is stronger than hers, that you are not afraid of losing her, and that you are comfortable enough with sexual energy to give her a good dicking down.
Patrice O'Neal once said "you have to be comfortable with animosity from females" ... so many men are terrified of pissing off women, terrified of saying the wrong thing or upsetting them. Don't be. Women feed off of emotions. Let her rage and let her storm. Do not capitulate to her. Let the tension build. Why do you think make-up sex is so explosive?
Once you've become comfortable sitting with tension, you can start having fun with it. Now you can start adding tension yourself to increase sexual energy. Here are some tension-adding behaviors that men can do:
- Tease her
- Touch her
- Withdraw your attention
You get the picture. Most of this is pretty simple TRP stuff (I'm not coming up with anything new here) but I encourage you guys to get comfortable being uncomfortable around women. Show her how relaxed you are around sexual tension and it will increase her interest.
Lastly a technical note: push/ pull is important for this. Don't go full on tension it will backfire like being full on comfort. Shift between building tension, relieving it a little, and then building it more. She does need some comfort to fuck you. Also this does not apply to comfort tests.
Thanks for reading. Good luck guys.