DISCLAIMER: YES THIS IS A REPOST FROM AN OLD ACCOUNT OF MINE. I WROTE IT A YEAR AGO. COUPLE PEOPLE HAVE ASKED FOR IT TO READ IT AGAIN OR SAVE IT. AND I JUST FOUND IT ON MY COMPUTER. SO YES SOME OF YOU PROBABLY READ IT ALREADY. YES ITS OLD. YES THIS IS A NEW ACCOUNT IM POSTING IT ON (I POSTED IT ON HERE BEFORE AND THEN DELETED IT BECAUSE OF THE BACKLASH OF THE REPOST WITHOUT SAYING WHAT I WAS DOING. BUT I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHY I CARED WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT.) BUT THIS IS MY ORIGINAL POST. SO IF YOUVE READ IT AND WANT TO SAVE IT, HERE IT IS. IF YOU DONT CARE ABOUT IT, THATS COOL TOO. I STILL FIND IT HELPFUL. AND IM SURE A LOT OF NEW MEMBERS WILL TOO. THANKS👌🏻
I'm going to keep it short(ish) and sweet with some examples.
I was invited to a wedding as the date of the maid of honor. I didn't know one other person at the wedding. I knew my date but I didn't see her for 90% of it because she was part of the bridal party. She literally texted me the next day and said I was the life of the party and the grooms whole family was talking about me and my dance moves, and that I was the best date ever. Here's my field report:
Talk to everyone. I actually made a post about this a little while back if you're interested check it out. I was late to the wedding because of getting out of work late. I found people who were also late. Right away I asked them if they were there for the same wedding. They said they were and the conversation continued from there. We had to stand apart from the actually wedding given the way it was all set up. I continued to talk to these people and told them I only knew the MOH and no one else so I deemed them my new friends.
I suck at tying ties so I asked the one guy if he knew how to tie, and if he could tie mine because his was done well. He did it for me, we exchanged names and small talk. So now I have connected with like 5 people already. Wedding ends and we go inside to the reception. I wait in the cocktail line. I'm talk to the people in front and in back of me. Don't be afraid to listen in on people's convos and if you can add something just jump in. (Obviously don't do it if it's personal) but I think the people in front of me were talking about Casinos or something and I just go "are you talking about casinos?" They said lol yes. Ive done quite a bit of gambling and love playing craps so jumped in and joined the convo. It may seem weird or rude but if you can related to people they will really like you in the long run.
Next I find my seat at the table. I don't know anyone. I introduce myself to everyone and ask them about themselves. I find a dude at the table I'm with and tell him come get a drink/food with me. In line we chat and end up having some good laughs and a lot in common. He's now my boy for the night. So at this point I have formed a pretty good social circle of people. Through out the night when I see people I met in the beginning of the night I'll talk to them. Ask them what they're drinking or how the nights going, and shoot the shit.
By this point my date shows up I'm talking to 2 girls at my table and then I start talking to her. I have a buzz by now and am ready to dance. This is my fucking go to move man. And it works. Dance with older ladies. The grandmas who are just sitting. The divorced milfs. They want to have fun. And they love when a young stud drags them to dance. The woman will also think you're awesome for getting people to join the fun. This will make people like you. And flock around you, be in your own world and bring people into it.
At this point I have 3 chicks who are interested in me. One who is practically obsessing she's telling everyone she wants to fuck me and they are telling me. My date even says to me. "I've never seen a guy have chicks fighting over him like this" I shrug and take her to dance. She's hot and I want to fuck her so after we dance for a little, I take her outside and we go for a walk to isolate her, make out with her and share a couple laughs. I end up taking her home and fucking the hell out of her, twice that night and once in the morning. My point is you don't even need a date, that could have been any of the 3 chicks. Just talk to everyone and have fun while trying to joining everyone else in on the fun.
I know someone's going to ask "what exactly did you say to these people" I didn't post that because I hate doing that. That's always the first questions I get. You need to learn to vibe and talk to people naturally to get to this point. I wasn't always like that I was once awkward, and shy. I started talking to everyone, and when I say talk to everyone I don't mean interview type questions. I mean make comments on what's going on around me or the person. That's the best way to start a convo and make it more natural. You have to practice being present. "Is this place always this packed?" "I guess you come here a lot"
Small talk is necessary but only to get to much deeper stuff. Your goal should be to find a common/shared interest(s) with people, be curious about them. Don't just talk for the sake of talking. Talk as if your generally interested in them. Also when you first meet someone talk to them as if you've know them for a while. It'll make them feel more comfortable and you. This takes practice but once you get the hang of it, you'll be able to talk to everyone this way.
I know a lot of guys struggle with conversations and I think a lot has to do with being in your head. I have been all over the place. From being so into my head, To making conversations weird, to vibing, etc. I feel like if I don't put any expectations on a conversation and can manage to be present that's when I have the best interactions.
I'm sure you've had conversations with people where you didn't even think about it. You didn't even realize it was a thing. You were just naturally doing it. You didn't think about a response, an answer, you didn't judge yourself, you just talked. That's the point you want to get with all conversations.
This got me thinking how I achieved this and honesty part of this answer may sound weird. I started to not always talk. Not trying to fill the silence with words. I just let it be. I learned to just be present and comfortable. This opened my eyes to a lot of things. That people are really in their head also. They would try to fill the silence. If it was a woman or a beta male. They would get nervous. This would actually put me at ease. Because I knew I can get like that too and there's nothing to be nervous about. I would listen to people, I wouldn't speak so much. Once I got comfortable with this. It allowed me to relax more in conversation. Then when I was more relaxed I became more present. When I'm present that's when the magic happens.
I also stopped asking interview type questions. Like I said I talk about what's going on around me. Do I still ask those questions? Of course but it's just to scratch the surface to a deeper conversation. You want to find common interests. You shouldn't be asking questions for the sake of asking. There should be a purpose behind your interacts.
If you can't dance that's okay, I used to be stiff and dance like a typical white boy too. PRACTICE. Practice in the mirror. In the car. In the shower. When you're cleaning your place. The key is to let loose, loosen your whole body. And move to the music. Vibe to it. Bend your knees. Slide your feel. Shake your shoulders. Swing your arms. Don't be afraid.
What helped me also was to watch a few intro videos on YouTube. Footwork is everything. Once you learn to dance with your feet you're set.
This was a lot longer than I planned it to be but I hope this helped some of you. Go out there and kick ass.
Go out. Talk to everyone about what's going on around you. Join in on people's conversations. Create your own good time and bring others in on the fun