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Field ReportGoing To An Event Where You Don’t Know Anyone [FR] (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1TrenGod37

DISCLAIMER: YES THIS IS A REPOST FROM AN OLD ACCOUNT OF MINE. I WROTE IT A YEAR AGO. COUPLE PEOPLE HAVE ASKED FOR IT TO READ IT AGAIN OR SAVE IT. AND I JUST FOUND IT ON MY COMPUTER. SO YES SOME OF YOU PROBABLY READ IT ALREADY. YES ITS OLD. YES THIS IS A NEW ACCOUNT IM POSTING IT ON (I POSTED IT ON HERE BEFORE AND THEN DELETED IT BECAUSE OF THE BACKLASH OF THE REPOST WITHOUT SAYING WHAT I WAS DOING. BUT I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHY I CARED WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT.) BUT THIS IS MY ORIGINAL POST. SO IF YOUVE READ IT AND WANT TO SAVE IT, HERE IT IS. IF YOU DONT CARE ABOUT IT, THATS COOL TOO. I STILL FIND IT HELPFUL. AND IM SURE A LOT OF NEW MEMBERS WILL TOO. THANKS👌🏻

I'm going to keep it short(ish) and sweet with some examples.

I was invited to a wedding as the date of the maid of honor. I didn't know one other person at the wedding. I knew my date but I didn't see her for 90% of it because she was part of the bridal party. She literally texted me the next day and said I was the life of the party and the grooms whole family was talking about me and my dance moves, and that I was the best date ever. Here's my field report:

Talk to everyone. I actually made a post about this a little while back if you're interested check it out. I was late to the wedding because of getting out of work late. I found people who were also late. Right away I asked them if they were there for the same wedding. They said they were and the conversation continued from there. We had to stand apart from the actually wedding given the way it was all set up. I continued to talk to these people and told them I only knew the MOH and no one else so I deemed them my new friends.

I suck at tying ties so I asked the one guy if he knew how to tie, and if he could tie mine because his was done well. He did it for me, we exchanged names and small talk. So now I have connected with like 5 people already. Wedding ends and we go inside to the reception. I wait in the cocktail line. I'm talk to the people in front and in back of me. Don't be afraid to listen in on people's convos and if you can add something just jump in. (Obviously don't do it if it's personal) but I think the people in front of me were talking about Casinos or something and I just go "are you talking about casinos?" They said lol yes. Ive done quite a bit of gambling and love playing craps so jumped in and joined the convo. It may seem weird or rude but if you can related to people they will really like you in the long run.

Next I find my seat at the table. I don't know anyone. I introduce myself to everyone and ask them about themselves. I find a dude at the table I'm with and tell him come get a drink/food with me. In line we chat and end up having some good laughs and a lot in common. He's now my boy for the night. So at this point I have formed a pretty good social circle of people. Through out the night when I see people I met in the beginning of the night I'll talk to them. Ask them what they're drinking or how the nights going, and shoot the shit.

By this point my date shows up I'm talking to 2 girls at my table and then I start talking to her. I have a buzz by now and am ready to dance. This is my fucking go to move man. And it works. Dance with older ladies. The grandmas who are just sitting. The divorced milfs. They want to have fun. And they love when a young stud drags them to dance. The woman will also think you're awesome for getting people to join the fun. This will make people like you. And flock around you, be in your own world and bring people into it.

At this point I have 3 chicks who are interested in me. One who is practically obsessing she's telling everyone she wants to fuck me and they are telling me. My date even says to me. "I've never seen a guy have chicks fighting over him like this" I shrug and take her to dance. She's hot and I want to fuck her so after we dance for a little, I take her outside and we go for a walk to isolate her, make out with her and share a couple laughs. I end up taking her home and fucking the hell out of her, twice that night and once in the morning. My point is you don't even need a date, that could have been any of the 3 chicks. Just talk to everyone and have fun while trying to joining everyone else in on the fun.

Side Note:

I know someone's going to ask "what exactly did you say to these people" I didn't post that because I hate doing that. That's always the first questions I get. You need to learn to vibe and talk to people naturally to get to this point. I wasn't always like that I was once awkward, and shy. I started talking to everyone, and when I say talk to everyone I don't mean interview type questions. I mean make comments on what's going on around me or the person. That's the best way to start a convo and make it more natural. You have to practice being present. "Is this place always this packed?" "I guess you come here a lot" Small talk is necessary but only to get to much deeper stuff. Your goal should be to find a common/shared interest(s) with people, be curious about them. Don't just talk for the sake of talking. Talk as if your generally interested in them. Also when you first meet someone talk to them as if you've know them for a while. It'll make them feel more comfortable and you. This takes practice but once you get the hang of it, you'll be able to talk to everyone this way.

I know a lot of guys struggle with conversations and I think a lot has to do with being in your head. I have been all over the place. From being so into my head, To making conversations weird, to vibing, etc. I feel like if I don't put any expectations on a conversation and can manage to be present that's when I have the best interactions.

I'm sure you've had conversations with people where you didn't even think about it. You didn't even realize it was a thing. You were just naturally doing it. You didn't think about a response, an answer, you didn't judge yourself, you just talked. That's the point you want to get with all conversations.

This got me thinking how I achieved this and honesty part of this answer may sound weird. I started to not always talk. Not trying to fill the silence with words. I just let it be. I learned to just be present and comfortable. This opened my eyes to a lot of things. That people are really in their head also. They would try to fill the silence. If it was a woman or a beta male. They would get nervous. This would actually put me at ease. Because I knew I can get like that too and there's nothing to be nervous about. I would listen to people, I wouldn't speak so much. Once I got comfortable with this. It allowed me to relax more in conversation. Then when I was more relaxed I became more present. When I'm present that's when the magic happens.

I also stopped asking interview type questions. Like I said I talk about what's going on around me. Do I still ask those questions? Of course but it's just to scratch the surface to a deeper conversation. You want to find common interests. You shouldn't be asking questions for the sake of asking. There should be a purpose behind your interacts.

Dancing:

If you can't dance that's okay, I used to be stiff and dance like a typical white boy too. PRACTICE. Practice in the mirror. In the car. In the shower. When you're cleaning your place. The key is to let loose, loosen your whole body. And move to the music. Vibe to it. Bend your knees. Slide your feel. Shake your shoulders. Swing your arms. Don't be afraid. What helped me also was to watch a few intro videos on YouTube. Footwork is everything. Once you learn to dance with your feet you're set.

This was a lot longer than I planned it to be but I hope this helped some of you. Go out there and kick ass.

TL:DR

Go out. Talk to everyone about what's going on around you. Join in on people's conversations. Create your own good time and bring others in on the fun


[–][deleted] 210 points211 points  (21 children)

Interview style questions can even make the person suspicious.. it was my biggest mistake!! I asked so personal and the silence after asking was so awkward! Then i read a book on how CIA officers use psychological tactics to befriend their agents in field, and one of them is to elicit information not by asking directly, but by assuming. Say you want to know how much commission the jeweler is making when she sells you that watch. You'd elicit the truth from her by saying "you must make 15% commission on this." The human urge to correct is so profound that she will actually correct you and tell you how much commission shes making! So it works with regular people too.. just elicit info by assuming and then asking further into their response.

[–]BornShook 30 points31 points  (2 children)

Whats the name of the book? Sounds interesting af

[–]VanRedPill 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you're interested in this toppic, I can suggest giving 'What everyBODY is saying' by Joe Navarro.

It's mostly about body language and if I remember correctly also some other general stuff. Might even be the book he was referring to.

[–]rKKKselected 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The book he's talking about is called The Like Switch.

[–]ryuamakusa1993 37 points38 points  (5 children)

This sounds similar to what Chris Voss writes in his book "Never split the difference" on negotiation skills. He was an FBI hostage negotiator and currently teaches at USC.

[–]xcrazytx 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I've read never split the difference and can chime in. It's fucking badass and has some serious insight if you want to learn tactics for manipulating and influencing people. We read it for our sales team and has helped us close some deals for sure

[–]Heizenbrg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn that should help me get a job in tech in the bay area

[–]KarmicPrism 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What does never split the difference mean? Or what does it usually refer to?

[–]ryuamakusa1993 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If a buyer says he'll pay $100 for a product and the seller asks for $140, "splitting the difference" means they both agree to meet in the middle and make the transaction for $120. This book is going to teach whoever is reading it to stick to their offer and get it at the price they want the deal

[–]flapjacksrbetter 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Would u recommend this book?

[–]thelemonpress 95 points96 points  (3 children)

"So you'd recommend this book?"

[–]MysterManager 21 points22 points  (2 children)

You are recommending this book.

[–]Manilatimes 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I have become influenced into wanting to read this book.

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll split the difference and read every other chapter.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What is the name of the book?

[–]Not_A_randomfakename 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What's the name of the CIA book?

[–]Billywubbba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

op is nevee going to say it cause it goes against one of the law of powers of sharing information

[–]Stink-Finger 245 points246 points  (6 children)

Driving with my wife early in our relationship. I don't remember how it came up but she was somewhat annoyed at me because "Everywhere we go people know you! It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing. Someone seems to always know you there."

I failed to see the problem and let her stew. She points to a Starbucks and asks to grab some coffee.

What she didn't know was this was 'my' Starbucks.

As we walk in literally everyone, Baristas and customers, call my name like I was Norm from Cheers.

The slack-jawed look on her face is something I will take to my grave.

[–]red_matrix 83 points84 points  (0 children)

I don't remember how it came up but she was somewhat annoyed at me because

You're giving her what she craves: emotion

[–]friendlynaboureeno 23 points24 points  (0 children)

ahahahah

Thats as good as the guy who wrote this story! especially the last line.

[–]Cum_Victor 65 points66 points  (1 child)

I remember reading this post last year when you posted it. It's a great piece.

People need to get out of their comfort zones and talk to anyone and everyone. I believe talking to everyone can only improve your game. It's a good starting point too for anyone that's shy af when they first discover the pill.

[–]mcs007 14 points15 points  (0 children)

same. and I got so much more out of it this time around.

[–]SanPedroLover_ 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Great advice, this guy has got it figured out 👍🏼

[–]Zarathustraliver 26 points27 points  (8 children)

If you can't dance watch Depeche Mode on youtube and look at the lead singers' moves. And take dance classes. Samba or something with sexual energy.

[–]420KUSHBUSH 13 points14 points  (5 children)

I just dance like nobody's watching. Seems to be working for me

[–]JDeegs 16 points17 points  (4 children)

As long as you can stay on beat, for the most part the moves don’t matter as much as the attitude you have while doing them. An IDGAF attitude is attractive when dancing

[–]25toten 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This is definitely accurate. I'm not exactly the best looking guy out there, but after watching people dance for awhile and observing the movement patterns, I starting going at it recently. A few weeks have gone by and now I get compliments fairly often on how well I dance. Shit, I don't know how to dance, but I have damn fun just making it up as I go and keeping with the beat. That confidence attracts woman like flies. I'm at best a 6/10 but I was dancing with 3 different 8+'s the other night. Not that any of them went anywhere (I'm personally not interested in hooking up with randoms), but the point stands.

Shits weird man.

[–]perdipp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have damn fun just making it up as I go and keeping with the beat.

this is the gist of it all to me, love it!

[–]420KUSHBUSH 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I just like the dancing, man

[–]throwawayhgsdoifu 9 points10 points  (1 child)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKD9DLgOTjw

dude you were right, this guy has amazing moves. I just realized I usually only go like 45% of the way on the dancefloor... I feel like I can get away with so much more after watching this.

[–]BurntYams 15 points16 points  (0 children)

good shit OP, glad I found this

[–]D4rkr4in 7 points8 points  (3 children)

After forcing myself to go to social events and talking to random strangers, I'm at the point where I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. Was able to even get a few numbers/contact info from chicks

However I'm having essentially a plateau when it comes to texting game or something along those lines (basically I'm not getting laid)

also have yet to cold approach outside of social events

[–]Oceansdrive 1 point2 points  (2 children)

It will happen, incrementally. Took me 3 years to go from introvert to extravert. 4 more years to edge it out.

You are probably too much focused on your get laid results. Just text them, say what you want to say what you think of the first second. Dont overthink. Be abundant. Tease. They should be happy you text them, if not, next.

KISS - Keep it stupidly simple.

[–]D4rkr4in 0 points1 point  (1 child)

interesting, I thought that texting game was only supposed to be for arranging logistics of meeting again? I try to not message girls too much.

I've also read that it's important to always seem busy, and being a college student I really am always busy...

[–]Oceansdrive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes logistics mostly - what I meant is mostly that you should just text without overthinking. Your first thought basically. Dont doubt about what you've sent. Dont worry if she read and not replied yet, she will. You do you.

[–]m0istb0i 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Aite I'm talking a shit at a resort now is my time.

[–]MaximiliionPegasus 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Maybe I'm a bit late to the party, but I want to put my 2 cents:

If you want to socialize, be interesting. Yes, be interesting. This is an important thing.

Now the question comes: How do I become interesting?

Answer: Empathize. Think what other people would find interesting and do or say that. Do not do or say things you think are boring.

A sample, if you have an interesting view on a topic that has been brought up, say it. It could be a controversial view, but it should stay interesting. If you think Trump is the best president and think that saying this statement will get you backlash, don't do it. But if you have an interesting view on the current politics that people might be interested at, you can say it.

It is a bit like gaining karma on reddit. If you say something interesting you get karma. Same in real life.

The key point is to be interesting, and this changes per society. You should also be practicing this, and always do a feedback on yourself.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 17 points18 points  (4 children)

If you want to be interesting. Become well rounded. Read. Travel. Go do random shit. Leave your comfort zone everyday. Find new Hobbies. Try everything once.

That’s how you become interesting. The more shit you’ve done the more you have in common and can relate to people that’s what makes you interesting.

Empathy makes you more likable/comforting to people but it doesn’t necessarily make you more interesting. It can also cause you to become a yes man. If you’re empathetic about shit you have no clue about. It can come of as fake/agreeable.

Experience tons of shit. And you Become an experience. That’s interesting

[–]MaximiliionPegasus -1 points0 points  (3 children)

If you want to be interesting. Become well rounded. Read. Travel. Go do random shit. Leave your comfort zone everyday. Find new Hobbies. Try everything once.

I strongly disagree. A traveler would not necessarily make a person interesting. Reading books however, especially books that contain more philosophical ideas are more interesting for a lot of people (but not all people). Same with movies.

That’s how you become interesting. The more shit you’ve done the more you have in common and can relate to people that’s what makes you interesting.

To be interesting is not have something in common though. To relate people ask questions. Ask why the other person wants to be a lawyer. You do not have to experience that position to talk about that subject..

Empathy makes you more likable/comforting to people but it doesn’t necessarily make you more interesting. It can also cause you to become a yes man. If you’re empathetic about shit you have no clue about. It can come of as fake/agreeable.

NO, totally wrong. Empathy is understanding the person standing in front of you. It's up to you what to do with this information. You can understand what he/she would find it interesting or boring. I think you mixed up the meaning of the word "empathy".

EXAMPLE: You have an interesting half hour story about your time in the militairy. You may think it is interesting. But if you reflect yourself, and think if someone would tell some story for half hour in which you cannot place yourself in, would you find it interesting?This is empathy. A yes person is not interesting at all. Never fake your ideas. Faking is a NO. Shouldn't even be said.

Not every person is the same.

A young person's interest lies else than an elder person. You cannot behave the same with all people.

Experience tons of shit. And you Become an experience. That’s interesting

People might think that talking about your own experience is fun and shit, but if you want to bore me, you can talk about the extreme sport you did. I would not be interested. At all. But if you talk about politics, or something, I would be all ears. But I wouldn't want to talk about it if I knew the other persopn would be bored.

SO TLDR: Not every person is the same.

[–]1TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

to relate ask questions. Ask why they became a lawyer

That makes you interested. Not interesting just because your trying to get to know the other person.

Other than that..

You pretty much just agreed with me without actually agreeing. Moral of this is to become more interesting, become a more well rounded person

[–]MaximiliionPegasus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You pretty much just agreed with me without actually agreeing. Moral of this is to become more interesting, become a more well rounded person

That is the solution yes. I just disagreed in "how to become interesting". So the method to the solution is where I didn't agree with.

That makes you interested. Not interesting just because your trying to get to know the other person.

I was answering about your statement:

That’s how you become interesting. The more shit you’ve done the more you have in common and can relate to people that’s what makes you interesting.

So I said, to relate to people as you suggested was needed to be interesting, we do not have to necessarily to have be in common like you suggested. Relating to people can be done by asking. That was what I was talking about.

Edit for clarification: I do not know whether or not relating to people really is important to have an interesting personality. This is your statement. I just disagreed on the part you said that "the more you have in common and can relate to people".

[–]Lextao 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is really kind of an inspiration for me, a shy guy.

Thanks for this post!

[–]ZigzagLumen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Big tip for dancing: dance to the beat, not the words

[–]Thick_Title 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm always alone and somehow my negative thoughts manage to destroy all my energy. Even before I being talking to a girl or anyone, I basically feel like I've driven a truck for 3 days in Texas.

[–]jonpe87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now I can attend to my family partys

[–]gains_o_clock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yo can you link those YT videos for us garbage dancers?

[–]FrankCostanza111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I implore people to do this even if you consider yourself shy or introverted. Hell, maybe ESPECIALLY if you are shy or introverted.

I'm into a niche genre of music that most girls I date don't like, and most of my friends are not into. So often I go to concerts solo. And almost always I end up making at least one or two friends and exchanging contact info. Which leads to getting invited out to other events, meeting even more people etc.

The most innocuous questions can lead to friendships. "Do you know what time XYZ band goes on?" "Do you know what albums they're playing from tonight?" Blah blah blah.

[–]DeontologicalSanders 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been in a lot of similar situations. It boils down to the same two things everything does: Frame and abundance.

The more people you approach, break the ice, and talk to, the less weight each individual interaction has to you. Most people appreciate the shit out of someone who is willing to reach out. The majority will just be happy they don't have to keeping standing around awkwardly waiting for a conversation to materialize out of thin air.

Of course, you're going to run into a few people who know almost everyone there, and think they're the bee's knees and way too raybans.jpg to have a conversation with a stranger. Fuck them. The only people who treat strangers like that are raging narcissistic cunts. Be glad they were willing to give you that info up front.

[–]ShotgunTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do remember this post and it was a fucking good one

I have no problems rehashing these top tier posts. It’s great for the board to have us reread legitimate shit and not autist wizard FR’s of dry fingering hb4’s