There was a "Rant/Venting" post here this morning submitted by a medical student complaining about his beta-ness and asking for help. Predictably, it was deleted for being posted in the wrong sub. However, I thought it might be instructive to other new users to analyze his post to see where he's coming up short and what concrete actions he could take to improve. Hopefully this will be helpful to others who are working on their sexual strategy.
The Original Post
Going off of memory, here are the main points of our Beta Boy's rant:
- 22 years old, 5'7", medical student, virgin
- Says he lifts, dresses well, and smells nice, but still can't get laid
- Thought that being in medical school would automatically make him high-value, but he is constantly outshone by "natural alphas"
- Goes to every social function he can, but always feels like the most boring person there
- All of his conversations fizzle out after asking "Where are you from?" and "How are you liking it here?"
- Says he is already lifting and has already read all the sidebar material, so he just doesn't know where to go from here
Useful Follow-Up Questions
I'm not convinced he's giving us the full story (hamstering), so ideally we would want to ask some questions in order to refine our diagnosis:
- It's great that you're lifting! That is the biggest piece of advice given here, so you're off to a great start! What program are you following? How often do you go to the gym? Are you going regularly?
- Are you happy with your physique? Be honest. Are you skinny and scrawny? Are you fat and lumpy? Are you skinny-fat? Have you noticed any changes since you started?
- What other hobbies do you have? Studying and lifting don't count.
The Action Plan:
The post was deleted before I could ask those questions, so we'll just move forward with a few assumptions.
Most of the replies in the original thread were generic, feel-good, or not exceptionally helpful. Let's see if we can come up with a to-do list of actions he can implement in order to get him out of this rut.
1: Follow a workout program
Again, it's awesome that you're hitting the gym and lifting weights. It's great for your looks, great for your confidence, and great for your manly hormones. But honestly, a lot of guys say they're working hard at the gym when really they're just spinning their wheels.
The most important thing about going to the gym is to have a program and follow it regularly. Guys here love to debate strength training versus body building, but it really doesn't matter which program you choose. You just want to make sure your program meets a couple criteria:
- It's balanced (upper vs. lower, front vs. back, push vs. pull)
- It's progressive (ie it gets harder as you get stronger)
- You're actually following it and doing it regularly
Most popular programs on the internet will meet these basic criteria. Just pick one that looks like fun and do it regularly. Don't try to make your own program unless you really know what you're doing.
Posture: The only other thing I would add is to make sure you're doing exercises to improve your posture. This could be deadlifts, pendelay rows, face pulls, or non-weighted exercises you find on youtube. Especially at your height, this will make you look taller and more alpha. In a world where everyone is hunched over all the time, standing tall with your shoulders back will make you stand out.
TODO: Keep lifting weights, but make sure you're following and established routine and doing it with regularity
TODO: Make sure you're incorporating exercises that improve your posture
2: Refine your diet
Lifting weights doesn't mean a whole lot if your diet sucks. If you wanna fuck bitches, you better look sexy, and diet is 80% of the equation. If you're fat, eat less. If you're skinny, eat more. If you really focus on improving your physique through diet and lifting, you'll be astounded how differently people treat you as a result. Women will want you, men will respect you, and people will be nicer to you wherever you go. The fact that you're not successful makes me think you're slacking in one of these areas.
TODO: Examine your physique and adjust your diet accordingly.
3: Get at least one hobby
I know that school and studying and going to the gym and being social already take up a ton of your time. But ideally you should have at least one hobby outside of that. Video games, watching TV, and reading books doesn't count. Ideally it should be a hobby that involves other people. It doesn't necessarily have to involve women, but it could.
Remember how you said that you feel like a boring person at parties, and you have trouble holding a conversation? Well, if you don't have any interesting hobbies, then you ARE boring. If all you do is study, lift, and watch netflix, then of course you don't have anything to talk about.
TODO: Get a hobby that involves people. You're on a school campus; that shouldn't be difficult.
4: Learn how to hold a conversation
Google "conversation threading" and click on the first link that comes up. It should give you a seddit post that looks like this:
Conversation Threading is essentially the ability to make a free-flowing conversation. If someone gives you a thread like "I went to Paris last summer to Study at the local university," you have many, many directions you could thread the conversation. You could ask if they liked Paris, which school they went to, what they study, or you could shift the focus of the conversation, you could respond with "Really? I went to Paris last year," or "I like to travel, as well" [Which is a great way to build rapport through shared experiences!]
Read the whole thing.
Here's an exercise I like: every time you're in a checkout lane, chat up the cashier. You don't have to find the sexiest girl there; you're just doing this to practice conversing. And you don't have to worry about making a fool out of yourself; the person will be nice to you because it's literally their job.
If it's towards the beginning of the week, ask, "Did you do anything fun this weekend?" If it's towards the end of the week, ask, "Do you have any fun plans for this weekend?" Use their response to create a thread. Pick out something they said and ask a question about it, or relate information about yourself in a way that establishes rapport.
This is also a good opportunity to practice things like eye contact and smiling. This is an important skill to have, not just for picking up women, but for networking, making a good impression at work, and succeeding in the world in general.
After you're comfortable with checkout people, level up to people who are not paid to be nice to you. Practice conversation threading with the people in line with you, or with the person sitting next to you in class.
5: Have a clear idea of your value and what you bring to the table
This comes from a cracked.com article titled "6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person." Read the article.
The harsh truth is, people only care about you because of what you can provide. Girls just wanna have fun. So if you want to spend time with a girl, you have to be fun. You have to be able to add some sort of value to her life.
Being a doctor might bring out the gold-diggers, but it doesn't make you an interesting person. Talking about pancreatic cancer doesn't make women wet.
So quick, think of five specific things that make you unique, interesting, fun to be around, or at least different from every other guy out there.
I might say, "I'm good-looking, I'm a great fuck, I ride a badass motorcycle, I give great massages, I make awesome pizza and chocolate chip cookies."
And this has helped me attract women. Girls love new experiences, and riding on the back of a motorcycle gives them the thrill of a new experience. Girls like to feel my muscles and tell me how they feel safe around me. I make girls cum so hard they think about me the rest of the week and can't wait for more. Cooking shows that I can work with my hands and I'm not a man-child. These are all things that add value to their lives and make them want to be around me.
(I actually explicitly list these things in my tinder profile, and I will get messages from girls who want to go for a ride, or want a massage, or want to come over and taste my cookies.)
So what makes you interesting? What value do you give to people around you? What makes people want to hang out with you? If you can't immediately list five things, then you have work to do.
TODO: List five things that demonstrate value. If you can't do that, then get to work.
If I were coaching this guy, this is the advice I would give. It's a basic overview of sexual strategy in practical form, and hopefully it can act as a trouble-shooting guide for others who feel stuck. He supposedly has read all the sidebar material, so the challenge was to come up with actionable things he can do to move forward.
What would you suggest for him or others like him?
And for newbies reading this post, I would emphasize two points:
- Theory is fine; practice is better. The best way to improve is to focus on practical changes and actions. The sidebar is great, but reading a bunch of theory to "change your mindset" doesn't amount to much. Take action. DO THINGS differently.
- This is not just for getting laid. This is life advice. You probably don't just suck with women, you suck with people and at life. If you're a doormat to women, you're probably a doormat to your friends and coworkers too. Being attractive, being able to hold a conversation, being interesting and giving value, maintaining frame and establishing boundaries - these aren't just things that get you laid. Developing these skills will improve all aspect of your life.