Sitting on my bed writing this up. Unless you're a super beginner like me, you probably won't learn anything new that you can use. Feel free to scroll past, I'm just sharing this failure to get your opinions on it, I already understand what I did wrong and I'm working on it.
Background: 17, homeschooled. 5'10, decent face, half Asian if that matters. Live with parents, highschool senior.
Parents invite family over.
They have daughter, also highschool senior. Probably HB5. She's wearing a full purple track suit, Jordans and chains. I ask her if she likes hip hop. Easy opener, there's no way she's not into hip hop with that outfit.
IOI's: compliments my bandana, plays with hair, submissive eye contact, etc. She's attracted to me on some level.
Shit tests: brings up how some guys in college are so tall and have beards (implying I'm scrawny and boyish I guess). People said I wouldn't recognize shit tests at first. I did. But wasn't quite sure how to pass. I just acted like I didn't catch her subliminal message and ignored. Seemed to work ok.
I mention a hill within walking distance with a nice view.
This is when I know she's into me because she asks about this hill several times and asks the view is still good at night (it's dark out at this point). I'm not stupid so I ask her if she wants to check it out.
Grab flashlight, go up to hill. Probably could've helped her hand or something but I was too pussy. Whatever. We sit down. This is where it gets cringingly obvious that she at least wanted a makeout.
We lay down on hill, she scoots over. We're maybe 6 inches apart now, looking at the stars. She's telling me how she's not as conservative as her parents, wants to be free and travel (get dicked down). She asks me to put on music. Put on R&B/Rap playlist. Music talking about sex. She's not weirded out. We're literally laying there and the song says "this tension between us got me feeling vexed". Do nothing. It's negative a billion fucking degrees outside, I can barely stop my teeth from chattering.
Inside my head, I convinced myself not to go for it because "failure is part of the game". Yeah. Not that I was going to fail at making out. But that my brain wanted me not to kiss her to have motivation or some such bullshit. Anyone else have this?
End up getting her number. Can tell she's disappointed. We're now in presence of parents so I don't even hug her goodbye. She seems lonely and kinda desperate so I might be able to salvage it. If not, oh well. I'm talking to some girls in class. I have no worries about pedestalizing this girl or getting oneitis. If it doesn't work out, I can next without bashing myself too hard for fucking up.
Kinda getting this out as therapy I guess. Love to hear thoughts (and probably roasts, it's ok) and specifically about that excuse I made up in my head.
Edit: apparently I didn't hit the save button in my contacts. LOL. next I guess