Women can not be hit on without telling the world. You may want to consider Mike Pence's approach to being around women alone. This isn't a 'pound me too' post. It's more protecting your reputation. However, it's related.
This is mostly aimed at younger men. High school or college, or men who are new to the work force and life. Maybe you're away from home found a church to go to; if you've always attended church functions with your family then this is for you. Veterans on here won't be surprised, but if you can find value in this then great. Anyway enough foreplay.
I'm going to share two stories from my job, and then I'll go over the lessons taken from them.
There is a woman at my job. We'll call her Janice...because why not. She's pretty attractive. She's late 30s but aged incredibly well, with a cute face, and decent body. Most men would find her attractive. She's not my type and she's got an attitude that I wouldn't tolerate, but other men like her. Anyways I was talking to a coworker about something (I don't remember) when Janice came over and started a conversation with me. Here's a paraphrasing of how it went. As you imagine this scenario imagine me as portrayed by Michael B. Jordan.
Janice: Hey, do you know So-and-So from other other location?
Janice: Well i went over there for something and he was totally hitting on me
Janice: It was just weird. Like he know's I'm with my boyfriend. Why would he hit on me?
Me: I don't know?
Janice: Like he was telling me that he misses me working there and he wants to come visit me and how much he likes talking to me. Was was also saying we should hang out sometime and I was like well I don't think...
Me in my head: Is she autistic? I don't know this guy. I don't care about this guy. Damn.
Janice: that my boyfriend would like that. Like it's just weird he would say that.
Me; yeah that's crazy. Anyways time to hit the ol' dusty trail.
As I escaped she continued the story with the coworker whom I was talking with. I pondered about why she insisted on talking my ear off about someone I don't know. And why a girl as attractive as her was making such a big deal out of it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it's because she wanted people to know that she was hit on.
Imagine you're at starbucks on vacation someone far from home and some girl comes up and starts telling you how attractive you are and asking you out. You tell her that you're flying home tonight, but definitely enjoyed the compliments. You'd probably feel pretty good about yourself right? Maybe you'll tell a friend or two. But not women, they don't feel good about it unless everyone knows they were hit on. Hell look at all the subs on reddit dedicated to mocking men for hitting on women. Some of it is funny and definitely worth posting (I saw a Niceguys post where a woman told a man she wasn't interested, and he immediately call her the n-word. Made me laugh), but most of the time it's just women being narcissistic. Reddit is better than social media. Instagram, facebook, snapchat, I've seen more than a few screenshots of conversations with men where women for some reason need to publicly put these men on blast because they were a little out of line. It's because these women want all their friends and followers to see them being flirted with.
Same thing with Janice. Was that guy out of line hitting on her even though he knew she had a man? Yes, I think so. Even if I 100% believe her version of the story and that he actually said all those things nothing was really that bad. A little much, but nothing that bad. But she couldn't resist telling me and whoever else all about it. Sad.
Next is a story about yours truly and a woman named carol. Now I was chatting with a newer coworker. She was telling me about one area of our job site, and how frustrated some of the people get there because everyone makes a mess there.
Me: Oh yeah, I've heard Melanie and Carol complain more than once. I try to make sure anything I put there goes in it's proper place. It's not hard. People do that all over. They just throw things wherever is easiest and don't think about the next person having to clean it up. It sucks.
Coworker: Yeah, Carol said that you're good about not making a mess. Even if you do like to stare at her ass.
At this point my jaw fell open. I had not response. I weakly tried to deny it, but my worker merely said "uh huh" clearly not believing me.
About me and Carol. I've been at my job about 5 years, and Carol has been there a little longer than that. We've talked maybe 10 times in these years. And it's almost always been work related (she had a boyfriend there who started the same time I did. I didn't know about their relationship until after their 3rd anniversary). My point is that she and I never talk.
Now about Carol's looks. She's decently attractive I guess. However, she is 100% not at all my type. I have a very particular type that I am attracted to, and very seldom do I stray from this. She doesn't fit the bill at all. I almost wanted to laugh at the allegation because any of my friends who know what I go for would know that she's full of shit. It's not that she's ugly, it's me. Lastly I should note that Carol is around 50 years old. Again she looks really healthy for her age, but that makes her old enough to be my mom. I don't mind the occasional cougar hunt, but that's too much.
Now after being confused and frustrated about this situation I realized some important things and I thought I'd share them here for you lads who may not know.
- If a woman gets hit on she has to tell people. Both Janice and Carol are examples of this. Even if Janice was hit on and I was checking out Carol they couldn't contain themselves. They couldn't just enjoy the ego boost and move on. Janice had to tell me about others even after I told her I had no idea who that guy was. Carol told at least one person, but probably more. So if you hit on a woman expect that others will hear about it, especially if it doesn't go well. Be wary of flirting in your church, social circle, work place, school, etc. Do not expect any kind of discretion on her part.
- Women will see things that are not there, and they do not have any rational thinking when it comes to this kind of stuff. Taking 30 seconds to ask herself if a man young enough to be her son would be checking her out would have a been a good idea on Carol's part, but she didn't. She also didn't seem to ask herself if maybe she was imagining things. I do this all the time; sometimes a woman I don't know will be extra friendly with me to the point I wonder if she's flirting. I usually just assume that she's just being friendly. Women...well not so much. As much as they bitch about random men mistaking their kindness for flirting, they don't seem to have a problem jumping to conclusions about men's intentions. This is why I don't believe Janice's story. Who knows what was really said.
- They will mess with your reputation. Both of these women went around sharing stories about men they thought were attracted to them. However, it wasn't enough to just say 'oh man, this guy at our other location was hitting on me." or "someone here checks out my butt." No, they had to name them. Never mind how that makes the person look. Now for me it wasn't a big deal if I was staring at her or not (she didn't get HR involved), but the upper management at my company has rules about fraternizing with subordinates and a comment like that could end their career. Protect yourselves.
- Women have no idea how worthless most male attention is. I was on a website for a few years that was like myspace mixed with match.com. On there tons of guys would hound women for nudes, and if you were friends with the girl you could see it on her timeline. Women on there would have to reply to all the guys (if you just delete the public message it doesn't show up on your timeline), and tell them some sassy response so everyone could see that they're being hit on, but that they 'respect themselves' too much to send nudes or have sex or whatever. And they always had a 'gotcha' response that makes you want to say 'you go girl." Makes me want to vomit. Well I always thought those women were retarded for not realizing that they spend more time responding to the request for sex than the guy did posting it. It takes about 30 seconds to slide in a girls DMs and ask for a hook up. And guys that do that are about to do that to literally thousands of girls a day. But do women realize this? Nope. Did Carol take the time to realize that, because of her age, that if I'm checking her out I must be doing it to everyone and that she isn't special? Nope. She probably loves the idea of attention from a strapping young man such as myself.
- Women love the attention. Even if they're not interested in the guy, they love being wanted. They also love being the victim. Back to the screenshots of women being creeped on, every website, app, or messaging service that allows you to talk to others has a block feature. There's not excuse for women to allow a conversation like that to go as far as it does. Look at the screenshots and see how long women will let it get drug on just so they can show off to the world. Even in subs like Niceguys once the guy turns into a jerk there's nothing to stop them from blocking them and moving on with their life. I've seen way to many pages and pages of a conversation that could have been cut short, but the woman probably let it drag on so she could post online about how some guy wanted her, then bullied her, and then she put him in his place. Once again attention is like sex to them.
Once again, this is for those of you who are new to being around women. Be wary of what you say, how you say it, etc. because it will be shared with everyone else. Women have no compassion. Do your best to avoid being caught off guard.
Two women at my job got hit on (or thought they did) and decided to share it with several workers there. It's pretty messed up, but that's what they do. Be safe around women and don't hit on someone if you're not prepared for her to run and tell the world. Avoid this behavior at work, school, church, social events, etc.