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Rant/VentingIt's not your fathers fault you suck (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1The_BitterTruth

"You are a poor excuse of a man because your father failed to raise you properly." Someone commented this on my most recent post and I couldn't disagree more.

This is probably the most common and pathetic excuses I come across on TRP. "We're just boys who never had fathers to teach us how to be men!". So. fucking. what.

Look guy, I get it, Your dad didn't pass the torch to you because he never had it in the first place. How long are you going to hold it against him? I've got a rhetorical question for you: Are you going to keep blaming external circumstances for your failures or are you going to take ownership of your failures and forge them into triumphs?

And the rhetorical answer is: No you wont. You're not going to grow if you keep blaming **anybody** for any failure you have in life. If you didn't get what you wanted it's either because your expectations are unrealistic, or you just aren't good enough to accomplish your own goals. And you know what bro? That's okay, we all are at first. It takes a long time to get where you want to be, but you aren't going to get anywhere by blaming your father, mother, ex girlfriend, feminism, your onitise etc...

If you are blaming anyone because they didn't "teach" you how to be successful then you need a dramatic attitude shift. Only you are responsible for your own success and this includes the price you pay for learning how to be successful! If you expect knowledge and skills to be handed to you by anyone you will always be sorely disappointed. This is the epitome of entitlement, get the fuck over yourself. The world doesn't owe you the secrets to success. It doesn't owe you shit. The true solution is to take ownership of your growth and to start picking yourself up after you fall down, and learn how to learn on your own for damn sake.

Once you're able to understand how your own actions lead to the outcomes of the situations in your life can you start to make a change that will help you accomplish your goals. Shoulder this heavy fucking weight of life. It's not your Dad's fault you suck. It's your fault you suck because you keep blaming others for your failures when you felt that you were entitled to success.

If you want to make it then make your own path and figure it the fuck out along the way. Get some scars in the process. They suck at first but then you start to learn from them. Chicks dig scars. Mine happens to be in .308.

Go out there and fuck it up until you figure it out.


[–][deleted]  (27 children)

[deleted]

[–]quasar224 78 points79 points  (24 children)

Grew up in a dysfunctional household with an abusive father. Took me until I was almost 25 to grow a spine, but being a late bloomer, the TRP/reality juice tastes even sweeter.

[–]HierEncore 50 points51 points  (19 children)

try 35. Tasted just as sweet.

[–]quasar224 25 points26 points  (4 children)

Early 30s. Still getting some things figured out. Mental illness sucks, but, one day at a time.

[–]HierEncore 19 points20 points  (3 children)

ayy. at least I didn't reproduce so the bs ends with me.

[–]throwawayflatwhite 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This phrase sounds really scary to me. Especially because I have the same thoughts myself.

[–]HierEncore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's a little thing we tell ourselves to try to give meaning to our meaningless unfruitful lives

[–]rocksidion 1 point2 points  (13 children)

Holy damn. What's the story behind your transition?

[–]HierEncore 8 points9 points  (12 children)

Nothing particularly worthy of sharing. It was slowed down by a mild autism spectrum condition... A result of being born from older parents.

[–][deleted]  (8 children)

[deleted]

    [–]blacklightsleaze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    In this day and age I rarely see young girls with older guys. Majority of the younger girls are hanging out with maximum +10 years older guys. I can't even remember when was the last time I saw a 20 yo girl with 40 yo man.

    [–]HierEncore 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    This is true. it's due to old age from both father and mother.

    I think it's nature at play... nature does not want any ONE set of DNA or same "families" to rule and reproduce over and over... because it hurts diversity in nature. old men fucking young women is a sign of excess... nature reacts by making the offspring mentally slow or dysfunctional. this is my take.

    men and women should get married young and have kids and stick together at least while raising the kids.. that should be the basic instructions for life here... waiting and waiting and focusing on career or money or power or travel or whatever other spoils of life people are made to live for... it's fucking up our major purpose in life, which is to reproduce and create healthy offspring like every existent mammal does

    [–]Arabian_Wolf 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Sadly marriage at my surroundings cost an arm and leg, and most married people in their 20s are miserable as fuck.

    Consumerism is a disease.

    [–]HierEncore 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    married people in their 20's are miserable because they have no support. Most TV shows, movies, etc used to be about married couples... young couples... maternity leave, paternity leave, pensions, financial incentives, it was all geared towards married people. This changed culturally and politically all around the world for various reasons.. to the point that today, in 2018, it has become a goddamn nightmare, both socially, and financially, to get married and have children while you're young. Something that was very natural and healthy for hundreds of thousands of years is now seen as a "sacrifice"... so people wait to have kids.. and lots of autism spectrum and other birth disorders as a result.. very unfair to the kids born of those situations. They have to pay their entire lives for the mistakes of their parents.

    [–]Arabian_Wolf 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I can see that, you gave your view and I agree with you on some of it, but what solution do you propose then?

    Also, my uncle well into his 70s, one of his sons is in his late 20s and a surgeon, very bright guy to be honest.

    On the other hand, a friend of mine, he's 30 years old, drop out from medicine school, his father in his 50s.

    Anecdotal examples, but they also prove the point that not always marriage late is a disadvantage to the offspring of such marriage.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]HierEncore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      ...if you can afford the tens of thousands of dollars to hire a surrogate

      [–]Droogas 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      For real. My mom was 38 or 39 when she got pregnant. Dad died when I was 5.

      [–]HierEncore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      lurkers get pissed off when I compare fetal alcohol syndrome to autism spectrum.... truth is they are both results of choices both men and women made... selfish and shitty

      [–]Budfox_92 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Same situation as me, my father is complete egomaniac psychopathic bully never gave me any tools to tackle life and finding this place sure has changed my mindset and I have no doubt my future looks a lot brighter now than it did before I found this place

      [–]quasar224 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Dam, sorry to hear that. Ya, I always thought the logic would be: I spent years getting my ass beat and you'd think it would have made a man outta me, but, but quite the opposite in fact. Was bullied, no confidence, etc. Fun times.

      [–]Budfox_92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Exact same situation as me, nobody could ever speak up to my dad in my family I grew up with no confidence low self esteem afraid of failure and generally afraid of my own shadow all because of his dictatorship

      [–]slumdog-millionaire 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Raised by my mother, grew up with 5 sisters who I never really got along with (go figure) and my dad was never around much so my teenage years were rough at times. He’s been emotionally abusing my mother for over 10 years as he literally has a 2nd wife in another country.

      I’m 26 now and finally feel like I’ve begun to realize what it means to be a man in part because of what I’ve read here in TRP as others have said. I definitely can’t blame him for any failures in my life at this point but he’s done some damage for sure. As someone below is saying sometimes other people are objectively toxic or detrimental to your well being. Thing is you just gotta work the best with what you got and take as much control of your life as you can as an adult and a grown man and that’s what op is saying. The truth is somewhere between both extremes

      [–]ScumbagPotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      How did you do it? Not to get too personal - if you dont reply I understand, but I have a similar background. Currently 23 and been redpilled for just 2 years. I'm definitely further then where I was but Im always striving for insight on how I can push even more beyond.

      [–]1m4ch1ina 258 points259 points  (21 children)

      A wise man once told me that if you want to be a real man, you make everything your fault.

      If everything is your fault, everything is by your doing, which means if you screwed things up, you have the power to make them right.

      When you give away the blame, you give away the control. They caused all your problems, hence they have the jurisdiction over your life, your fate is up to them and out of your control.

      You want all the shit in your life to be your fault. Because that way you’re in control.

      [–]1yeahmaybe2 39 points40 points  (0 children)

      Truth. When you give away the blame, you give away the control.

      [–]Rhino4910 21 points22 points  (2 children)

      If you haven’t already, you should give Extreme Ownership a read. Two Navy Seals discussing how creating a successful team requires the leader to take complete accountability of all outcomes. Ex - If a team member fails to complete a task correctly, it’s your (the leader) fault because you either didn’t give good enough instructions, pick the right person, prepare them accordingly, etc. Lot of similarities to what this post is about

      [–]Archimedean_point 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Absolutely this. The book is great, the audiobook is better. Jocko should easily be considered a modern stoic. Although only a few books into stoicism its afforded me the opportunity to move past most of my bullshit. People do shitty things and you can only control how YOU feel about said events. From there, apply the “Good” mentality Jocko promotes and keep getting after it.

      [–]SpiritualCherry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I'm surprised this book isn't a mandatory read yet.

      [–]lastdumra 35 points36 points  (7 children)

      A wise man once told me that if you want to be a real man, you make everything your fault.

      I disagree with this, which is basically what the post is saying too.

      A lot of things are not your fault, but are still your responsibility. The point is not to blame yourself when there is no need, but to understand that even if something is not your fault, nobody is going to care but you, so it still is your responsibility to fix it.

      Your father gave you a shitty education? That's his fault, but so what? He does not know any better, does not care or whatever. He is not going to do any better, so even when its his fault, it is your responsibility. Because no matter who's fault it is, nobody is going to do it for you.

      [–]1m4ch1ina 32 points33 points  (3 children)

      Of course, everything is not literally your fault.

      However, when you view everything as theoretically your fault, it puts you in charge and keeps you from wasting your time whining about everyone else, like a little bitch.

      It’s a mindset.

      [–]lastdumra 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      I guess it is just a matter of semantics then.

      [–]SpaderAce 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      That's how I saw the disagreement, you both really have the same solution, you just word it differently and see it slightly differently, which is cool. Whatever works for each person

      [–]destraht 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Its not any particular one comment in this thread but as a whole - does anyone want to read this shit?

      [–]ghetto_tuesdays 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      “The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life” - Hal Elrod

      [–]eaxiv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      A lot of things are not your fault, but are still your responsibility.

      I really liked this phrasing

      [–]expansion101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I realize that u/m4ch1ina has already responded to you, but I should share this different way of thinking about it.

      As u/Rhino4910 mentioned in his comment, a team requires that the leader take responsibility for all outcomes.

      Let's say there was an unfavorable outcome, and the leader knows who did not get his shit done. Would it not be better to talk to that person and open with "As the leader of our group, what did I not do right?" Not only will the conversation apply pressure to the person to do better as it would anyway, but also lighten the pressure just enough to allow the follower a chance to decide for himself to make known his own shortcomings.

      All in all, I fully agree with you: it may or may not be the leader's fault, but it is his responsibility. However, I can't quite put my finger on it. This perspective is more... tactful, and from an interpersonal perspective?

      [–]saargrin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      it's nice

      yet still not having a father figure is a huge disadvantage

      Maybe we as a society should try to be, I dunno, more supportive of people who need a model and a leader

      [–]trollreign 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      ou the secrets to success. It doesn't owe you shit. The true solution is to take ownership of your growth and to start picking yourself up after you fall down, and learn how to learn on your own for damn sake.

      Once you're able to understand how your own actions lead to the outcomes of the situations in your life can you start to

      This is not far away from the esoteric bullshit women in their 40s are attracted to. Some things you cannot control. Some things are not your fault, but you have to deal with them. Some things are your responsibility even if you don't want it to be. Pretending to have control is delusional and opposite of masculinity. Masculinity is about taking on the world as it is, not lying away the difficulties by deluding ourselves.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      It's feminine to hamster away every cause of every problem to someone else. Feminism is probably the most obvious example of that. A woman doesn't need to take responsibility, because by virtue of a vagina usually there is a man to sort shit out for her.

      Living with this mentality as a man is a sure way to find yourself at the bottom of the biological pecking order, because no one is going to sort your shit out for you.

      [–]noreaver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Fault? No, recognizing fault is useful. Don't blame yourself, take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Blaming yourself for everything is delusional and will set you up for failure.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]1m4ch1ina 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        That is the textbook opposite of narcissism buddy. Narcissists are always right. They never take blame. Everyone else is the problem. It’s impossible to hold them responsible.

        Have you looked up narcissism? You don’t seem entirely clear on what it means.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]1m4ch1ina 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I see your point. However, it’s still not the same. Narcissists need to be in control for an entirely different reason, and they go about it in an entirely different way.

          Narcissists want control because they are selfish and usually greedy. We want control so that we have the ability to correct our mistakes. In their head, narcissists don’t even make mistakes.

          Narcissists obtain control through manipulation and shaming tactics. We obtain control by taking responsibility for our actions, something that narcissists are incapable of doing.

          So no. Assuming full responsibility of the bad things in your life is not narcissism.

          Your life is not up to anyone else. As an adult, if you get yourself stuck neck deep in shit, who’s gonna crawl down and help you out of it? Everyone is too busy with their own problems. That’s on you.

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 47 points48 points  (6 children)

          Let's take your argument to the logical conclusion and ask: Who's fault is this transgender child. How about this woman who litteraly castrated her son?

          Plenty of things are other people's fault. You might still be the one dealing with them. But still. So long as we individualze the problem well never deal with the root only the symptom.

          People fuck themselves up in unique interesting ways. However systems fuck people up in uniform boring ways.

          The Beta Male Epidemic was created by public education and media. That's why it's so uniform and confined to the Anglosphone West.

          [–]hownao 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          after all the 'muh feelings' posts, this one snapped me back to reality

          [–]throwawayflatwhite 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          People fuck themselves up in unique interesting ways. However systems fuck people up in uniform boring ways.

          The Beta Male Epidemic was created by public education and media. That's why it's so uniform and confined to the Anglosphone West.

          Very well-put thought.

          We don't need no education, I guess?

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Public education is a conspiracy to destroy creativity. Look up Prussian education system

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

          That's not the conclusion it's the origin.

          Are we going to hold people to blue pill perspective of, "This is where you came from and this is where you will stay" or the red pill, "you are who you choose to be and you exist the way you do because of your continued choices."?

          [–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Only individualist cultures have this problem yet here you are pushing more individualism. Makes perfect sense bro...

          [–]yesbuthereswhy 20 points21 points  (4 children)

          I’ll admit that I’m a bit triggered by this post. I do blame my father for walking out on my verbally and physically abusive mother. I do blame my father for never stopping my brother from beating me to an inch of my life and threatening to kill me every day while I was a child and even up until my teens. I’m 25 now and married and I promised myself that I would never do to my children what my father did to me and that was to let a child live in fear every day because he had no one to trust because the people who said they loved him verbally and physically abused him.

          OP I’m sure you’ve said this with some good intentions but up until a certain point in life we are the product of our environment and surrounding influencers.

          [–]monadyne 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          "up until a certain point in life" you're right, we are the product of our environment and surrounding influencers. What I believe OP is saying is that this moment is that certain point. Whatever our antecedents, good or bad, we now take full responsibility for ourselves and everything that happens to us. Some guys will seem to be luckier than others in that they'll have been given a better father experience in their childhood, but manhood can only be achieved through forging power from pain. That's basically what manhood is. Those who grew up with more comfort will actually have a harder time synthesizing their own manhood because of a lack of painful stimuli... as crazy as that sounds.

          But whatever kind of father we had: good, bad, indifferent, toxic, abusive, absent, heroic, etc., our manhood begins when we take on the full responsibility of guiding ourselves through the rest of our lives.

          [–]yesbuthereswhy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Those who grew up with more comfort will actually have a harder time synthesizing their own manhood because of a lack of painful stimuli... as crazy as that sounds.

          It doesn't sound crazy at all. Out of all my best friends' I am the only person who grew up in my situation. All of my friends' came from a two family home where they all had loving families and great siblings. I've noticed that having to learn to fend for myself at a young age put me at an advantage. However, I had a lot of anger and resentment that I still carry today. I am working on letting it go but I still carry some bad thoughts. I've been thinking about getting therapy and talking with a professional because I know it's not good to have the thoughts that I do. Right now I'm working full time as an analyst and in school to work on my bachelors so I don't know when I can squeeze in the time.

          our manhood begins when we take on the full responsibility of guiding ourselves through the rest of our lives.

          I couldn't agree anymore and this sub and few people in my life have helped me see that. I was on a good path when I left all the abusive people in my life but this sub has helped me own a lot more of my actions. I still have a lot of damage to repair but the self-destruction has stopped. The partying, drinking and endless rage from my victim mentality have dried up.

          [–]openWh1te 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          There comes a time where the grief you hold that which you use as part of how you define yourself, has a negative impact on your life.

          Let it go.

          You are your own worse enemy.

          Yes, people, family have abused you. You WERE a victim. Maybe it was hard for you to say good bye to them, to leave the nest, to explore the world on your own, but that has to happen; in such a situation.

          You must cut out the dead weight. The losers. Get rid of them.

          Forgive them. Forgive yourself.

          There are cycles of hate that create losers.

          Break the cycle.

          Once you leave them, after years pass, if you are still resentful, bitter, you only have yourself to blame.

          Take a good look in the mirror. You are not your father. You can choose, every day, to be different. You can choose to let go that mindset. You can choose to grow beyond, into a new you.

          The hard part is that you got to dedicate yourself to that choice, every fucking day.

          It does get easier. The pain may never go away, but you can become a hero.

          Good luck

          [–]yesbuthereswhy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          There comes a time where the grief you hold that which you use as part of how you define yourself, has a negative impact on your life.

          Let it go.

          You are your own worse enemy.

          You're absolutely right. I don't struggle as much as I used to but as I replied in a previous thread on this comment of mine, I am thinking about therapy to resolve a lot of my childhood issues.

          The hard part is that you got to dedicate yourself to that choice, every fucking day.

          One of the biggest things that helped me was listening to motivational podcasts and videos on youtube. I like to listen to successful business people, actors, thought leaders and motivational speakers because they spread a lot of what the redpill has to offer and that is to own, accept and change your life. This sub is also a great help because it's great to hear the raw truth of being told to fix your fucking shit and quit being a pussy. Sometimes its just got to be said that you're the boss of your own life and if you don't like the way your life is you only have yourself to blame.

          [–]BillyRedRocks 84 points85 points  (12 children)

          I get the point you're trying to make but you are being unrealistic here. Some things are objectively other people's fault and that's true and that's okay. It's their fault but now it's your responsibility to get what you want. It might be their fault but that should not be an excuse for present shit behaviour.
          Their fault, your responsibility.

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] 33 points34 points  (11 children)

          Even if it’s 10% on you and 90% on them Focus on your 10% and what you can do to improve.

          [–]BillyRedRocks 17 points18 points  (10 children)

          Or just cut off people that fail you every chance they get.

          [–]pfote_65 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          Makes me thinking about my father now, who died 2 years ago. Yes I blame him for for some things, just like I blame my over protective mother who injected a lot of anxiety and nice guy syndrome into me...but they are no excuse anymore. It took me a while, I'm in the second half of life now, and I still struggle with being mister nice guy and my procrastination, but I changed from a 134kg couch potato that had trouble getting his beer crates up the stairs to 72kg muscular guy (ok, still room to improve), I am an ex alcoholic, dry for 636 days in a row as of today, I can handle my depression much better, and I just dumped my 21yo girlfriend, she was bitching too much. I am 53, and age is no excuse either.

          [–]ZeroSixNiner 12 points13 points  (1 child)

          Easier said than done.

          Look, I get it-- you can't keep going back to blaming a shitty dad for everything bad that happens to you. At some point, you have to take over the reins of your life and steer you in the direction you want to go.

          But when some dads fuck up, they fuck up BAD. Mine left my mom when I was 4. He had weekend visitation rights, and I practically worshiped the ground he walked on. He was on the nerdy side, being a programmer at the time, but I was into that too and he taught me a lot about it. Plus there was the proverbial playing catch in the yard and talking about life. But right around the time I hit middle school-- the time in a young man's life when he really NEEDS a father to guide him through the shitty early stages of puberty, my dad was locked up for molesting my step sister. He didn't get out until after I graduated. By then, I'd basically disowned him. All during his imprisonment, I got to see fathers with their kids at football games and other activities. I had to make up the shitty excuses like "He lives in (any other state)" when asked where he was. I had my mom to rely on for all those questions of life a teenager has, and while I love my mother dearly, we all know that they are deficient when it comes to raising boys on their own.

          I'm 40-something now, and I know I own the responsibility for how I live this second half of my life, but I can't help but stop on occasion and think about how much more the first part of my life could have been better if I had a male presence and influence on it.

          [–]MakeAmericaRichAgain 13 points14 points  (2 children)

          It takes hard work, constant dedication and rededication, and a lot of sacrifice to be a good father. After an exhausting 9-10 hour grind at work, a shitty dad sits in front of the TV, drinks a beer, and focuses on himself. A good dad forgets about his own problems, and chooses to instead sacrifice himself to invest in his children. A shitty dad gets a terrible woman pregnant and runs for the hills. A good dad stays and fights to make sure that his kids will grow up with at least one stable and successful parent. A shitty dad teaches you how to give up and blame the world; A good dad teaches you how to fight and overcome it.

          After having my first child a year ago, I realize why there are so many shitty dads out there. Being a shitty dad is just EASIER than being a good one. You don't have to personally sacrifice. You don't have to invest your time, energy, or money. You can just ignore this new human who desperately needs your help to reach their full potential, turn on Netflix, and pass the buck to them. I have the feeling that a lot of fathers have done that in recent generations, and it's going to be up to us to, as John Mayer put it, "clean up the mess [they] made".

          A word of advice to those of us who were either fatherless or had a shitty dad: You probably weren't the first one in your family with a shitty dad, but you can be the last. Put in the time. Sacrifice the energy. Invest the money. It's easy to sit around and blame our shitty sperm donors for not doing all they could to help us, but if we don't do all that we can to help our own children, then we're no better. Get over your dad's weaknesses, forgive him for his folly, and move on towards being the dad that you always wanted to your own children.

          [–]HierEncore 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          I don't think it's so much about blame as it is about recognizing the situation and obstacles we face that guys who grew up with functional fathers just don't.

          Every single boy that grew up into a functional and mentally healthy man has had SOME form of male figure in their lives to offer guidance. If it wasn't a father, it was a grandfather or an uncle or a stepdad or a teacher or a Karate grand dragon... someone... EVERY SINGLE SUCCESS STORY of a "fatherless man" has a hidden male figure in the story. If you look, you will find. From Bill Clinton to Mike Tyson.

          I'm all for the inspirational positive-talk, but we must not mislead men to think that they are magicians who can overnight turn gold into shit or shit into gold. There's no magicians out there.

          [–]Couer_De_Lion 39 points40 points  (3 children)

          This is Boomerposting incarnate.

          Boomers absolve themselves from their responsibilities in regards to raising their children, realise the resultant manchild is fucked up, then push shit like this to make it seem like its not their fault, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps kiddo".

          Don't fall victim to it, don't be a whiny manchild, forever blaming his loserdom on external forces, but also don't expect the same results as someone who grew up with a strong, supportive father figure/family unit. (at least in the short term)

          [–]RPmatrix -1 points0 points  (2 children)

          the 'Boomers' are likely your grandparents bro, your parents are Gen Xers

          Boomers absolve themselves from their responsibilities in regards to raising their children

          not quite. The people you're talking about are my generation

          they hated the restriction their parents put on them but they failed to realize "kids Need boundaries" (to feel secure within) and didn't want to be "their parents" so they 'cut their kids loose' and let the kids make the decisions

          with a range of poor outcomes depending on several things, but the parents separating as most of them did, rarely helped. Eminem covered the consequential angst of Gen Y very well

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          So damn much of this. Boomers were the last of standards. It is the tweeners and early Xers who did things like participation trophies and "my 5-year-old is my best friend" parenting. And then we wonder why today's girls are nearly feral and why today's boys have been almost abandoned. Single motherhood by choice was NOT a boomer trait.

          [–]Muk1st 9 points10 points  (0 children)

          Had a father that didn’t know how to be a man, joined the Army when I was 17 and was actually given good examples of how a man is supposed to behave.

          Examples are still productive, maybe it’s not impossible to embody TRP without one but it’s definitely not as quick or easy.

          [–]IndecipherableWonder 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          I think the important thing here is to learn what’s possible to learn from your father - like anyone - and recognize he can’t teach you all of life’s skills, because like you, he is just another flawed person.

          My father taught me many important lessons, but he was passive, shit with money, and had no health sense, so these were things I had to learn on my own. But my father taught me how to properly think about politics and the media to avoid being cucked, he taught me how to work hard and grind when I need to, and he taught me the intrinsic value of a sense of humour, etc.

          We can’t go expecting everyone to be perfect examples to their sons. Father’s are important but learn from them what ty have to teach and respect them for it. Like others have said, never even think about using them as an excuse though.

          [–]surfingjesus 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Your father can put some stupid shit into your head that could lead to an early demise. Try saying that to a young jihadist that's being groomed to blow himself up. That's what stupid and abusive parents do. Grooming through physical abuse, emotional abuse, religion, etc. What you're doing is gaslighting and taking responsibility from the abuser, which is a common tactic of abusers.

          [–]ebaymasochist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Great point. It's easy enough for us to see something like this and forget about all the guys who are prison right now because their dad walked out. Or suicide themselves daily. End up on heroin. Some guys blamed themselves from day one

          [–]agronerd25 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          You got shot by a .308? So 7.62, so AK-47? Ouch

          [–]Tutsi9 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Actually it's a 7.62x51, so even bigger than an AK-47, which fires a 7.62x39

          [–]agronerd25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Thanks for pointing that out. I guess I never noticed that detail

          [–]smokebowlington 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          I agree that lack of fatherly influence shouldn't be an excuse for not talking to girls, but fatherlessness is actually a serious problem, especially with inner city youth.

          Young men growing up without a father (usually because they have been incarcerated, at least in the case of big cities or immigrants) are more likely to commit robbery and violent crime. Taking the problem of fatherlessness seriously is in all our benefits.

          [–]InsidiousRed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I recommend the oft-mentioned Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. This post talks about one of the things mentioned in the book.

          Also, the post could be titled better. Maybe it's your father's fault you suck, maybe not. But he can't fix it for you.

          [–]Mr-Ed209 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Instead or blaming others just embrace the suck of certain life experiences. We're not meant to coast as beings until 80 wrapped up in a bubble of non conflict and easy pleasures.

          I was listening to a Rogan podcast where he chats about how it's good to experience heart break early in life - to lower your expectations and realise what people really are. He shares a multitude of experiences from his early years which would 'red pill' most nice guys. At 50 y/o him and his guest just laugh them away.

          When you do 'get over' whatever pain you've gone throufh you'll be thankful for the lessons you learned and in some way pity those who are still naive.

          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Blame is such an easy trap to fall into.

          My father provided an excellent example of exactly what NOT to do. His failure as a father lead me to the path I'm on now.

          I thank him for that. Life is good.

          [–]ahab_dies 4 points5 points  (4 children)

          Most men suck. There are some who you can learn a lot from. The chances that your father is one of them are very slim.

          I've had a few father figures in my life who taught me some valuable lessons. None of them were my father. You can find everything you need out there if you get up and live your life.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          Why would you say most men suck? Are men trash by default or are there failings in their parenting and early education?

          [–]ahab_dies 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          I meant that most men are blue pill.

          [–]S-Blaze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          It's more that most men are satisfied with an average existance. Nowdays people are bombarded with low quality stuff, junk food, porn and entertainment that spike their dopamine and ''reward'' them.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          And given how the blue pill males represent the greatest threat (e.g. legislation), I think you have both. First is an inability to rise above genetic, lizard brain functioning ( which is the same reason modern women have regressed so). Most of us fell prey at one point or another, so this part of it is the default. The second is programing. And blue pill fathers make blue pill sons.

          I meant to mirror your 'men suck'. 'Men are trash' is an actual twitter meme and I obviously used confusing language. Please accept my apologies for being unclear. I am actually curious how much is nature and how much is nurture. There is definitely both, but I wonder which pull is the strongest.

          [–]Passthepogs 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I think it is.

          Your mum teaches you how to treat women.

          Your dad teaches you how to get women.

          Knowing just one of these has devastating consequences that you only find out when it’s too late.

          [–]AFuccingWhiteMale 9 points10 points  (0 children)

          But Bitter it is my dads fault I'm like this, he made me into who I am!

          No, you let someone else do your job, and they fucked it up. If you want something done right do it yourself.

          [–]Endorsed Contributorredpillcad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Not Blaming others for your situation is the first step. The second step is forgiving them (or at least letting go that someone owed you something).

          At the end of the day it's only you that is capable of achieving what you want from life

          [–]O--- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Speaking as someone who started out with jack shit, I'll tell you even more: be grateful that your dad didn't pass you the torch, that the people around you are shitting on you for being a man, etc. etc. Why? Because once you've conquered your dreams despite all this, at least you can look back at your past and think "I did this." without wondering "Could I've done this without the help of X or Y?" Now that's a fucking privilege.

          [–]WhiteGhosts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          To some extent it does. Saying blatantly generalizing stuff and adding the forge your own fucking path at the end is a bit too simple.

          [–]Akiihabara 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Why would you blame your father for what YOU are not?

          Take me f.e. I barely know my father and he literally told me nothing exept what a man has NOT to be like. So i do stuff on my own. Like i learned shaving with YouTube tutorials. Just adabt to your situation and take it as and learn the stuff real men do on your own....

          [–]brooklynisburnin 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          While it's most likely your father's fault that you are a failure, it's your fault if you keep being one.

          It's the very basic concept of forgiveness, wrongs cannot be undone, either rot in anger and frustration or let go, because that's the only productive choice.

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Looks like you’ve got it figured out bud. Cheers

          [–]brooklynisburnin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Yeah thing is that, as with all core TRP values, it's easier said than done, but it's all about conscious decisions nothing just clicks one day and suddenly you're Chad McRedpill, I think that's where a lot of guys fail, this shit takes blood, sweat, tears and most importantly time.

          [–]alisemihc 10 points11 points  (6 children)

          No one should blame their fathers for everything, yes. But If one acknowledges his weaknesses caused by lack of father figure, you can not judge him. You can not just give couple of paragraphs like this to motivate people and eepect them to fill the holes that their father did not fill.

          And blaming your father is not, of course fucking not, on equal grounds with blaming ex-girlfriend or mother. Thats why you did not understand the importance of father figure, and thats why your post is shit.

          [–]the_first_Adam 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          The post is good and the comments better. My brothers and I fault our father for some stuff and acknowledge he is unparalleled awesome in other regards. Had he not been available, loving, supportive and masculine I wouldn't have the same demeanor I do. Did he prepare me for life? No. Other men have stepped in and continue to. Point is this is painful for some and we do own the good and bad, we need each other (men) so be willing to listen and be supported by good men and do this for others.

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

          Just another person why give your power away to anyone?

          [–]alisemihc 12 points13 points  (3 children)

          I suggest you to read on importance of father figure.Father is not just "anyone else." Father is your leader in house(pre adulthood) as a boy you look upon him and take examples from him. Learn from him and understand this World. Basically father teaches his son to how to be a man. And if someone lacks that, lacks the proper father figure.He also lacks many masculine traits. And it takes time to rebuild that.

          You are right about the rest.But not father.

          [–]pulse7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My father was there but he didn't do much to raise me. It took time but I had to figure out the person I wanted to be on my own, and I knew I didn't want to be like him. If I played victim I would just be wasting my own potential.

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

          So what if it takes time? So what if it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do?

          [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

          There is a difference between understanding and accepting one's origins, and wallowing in self pity about it.

          [–]Pittbullbill 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          People in the comments still making excuses, fuck that!! be glad it happened to you, now your here, learning where you went wrong, how to turn your life around and be a better man... Ever hear the phrase, " it is what it is?"

          [–]Dresslerj1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          "forge them into triumphs" sounds like gladiator

          [–]reychip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Well from personal exp i found my own way but took me a lot of time i am 28 atm,and i think i lost many opportunities.If dad had helped a bit i would have found out how things work much younger.But that's fine though.I don't blame him.

          [–]alexjhargreaves 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Don’t use it as an excuse, don’t whine, don’t bitch. But the knowledge and confirmation that he really was a piece if shit, once fully understood and truly realised, I think is the essential step to letting go of the past and the first step to becoming a real man.

          [–]kevin_le0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          This is a great post. It reminds me of whenever I blamed the world for all my problems instead of accepting responsibility. I bet a lot of us can relate.

          I always blamed my mother and father for raising my poorly. I was always met with their harsh criticism and little of their love. I use to believe that IF they had done a better job of raising me I wouldn't be so scared, so insecure, so submissive. I hated them for a long time while growing up throughout high school and even a little bit of college. Are they to blame? Somewhat.

          But then I stopped blaming them, and accepted that I am partly responsible. What have I done to remedy this? I have no control over the past, no control over what they feel, what they will do. The only thing that is within my control, is me. How many times I lift, how many books I read, how many hours I put into school/work/relationships.

          Once I started to look deep down and begin to work on myself. Things got much easier. My self esteem is higher, I'm more confident in communicating and my actions as well. I have forgiven my parents, it's easy to let go instead of holding a grudge that'll get you nothing.

          [–]rocksidion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          This inspires me. I'm 22 and only recently have been setting TRP theories in my head. I've been blaming my father for not teaching me how to be a man. Your words on saying that "he never had the torch to begin with" really shook and settled within me. I'm still in the process of transitioning to become a better version of myself (currently in the process of curing my onetitis, increasing my SMV, and figuring out how to stabilize financially). Although it's a long fucking tunnel, I've been seeing little glimmers of light. Thank you for this post.

          [–]aaroonski 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          This is some good stuff here. You’re getting to the core of maturity, masculinity, and adulthood, which is great. It’s hard not to ignore that our mothers and fathers have an extremely heavy hand on who we become, there’s way too much psychological evidence to say otherwise. So, it’s pretty easy to blame our parents, I used to be that way. Our parents gave us wounds that we have to wrestle with for the rest of our lives. But it’s important to recognize that they are our wounds and no one else’s. Unfair? Sure, I didn’t sign up for a lot of the bullshit and complexes my parents gave me, but it’s a fact of life. It’s a universal truth we all have to deal with. The sign of a strong, mature person, someone who can lead men, etc., is the one who takes ownership of these wounds, understands them, and knows their pitfalls. “Know thyself”, as they say. Someone who understands their wounds and is strong enough to address them, is a quality human being in my opinion.

          [–]BornShook 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If you didnt have a strong father, you probably had some other father figure in your life. Maybe it was another family member, maybe it was some of the members of trp (which is only weird if you make it weird). My point is, there are father figures all over society.

          My dad was a father figure, but I didnt solely learn what it takes to be a man from him. A lot of that I picked up from my grandfathers, my friends, some of my school teachers teachers, television, etc. We live in an age where information is easily accessible. This is not caveman times where everything you learn would come from immeadiate family. Actually even in caveman times, you could pick up a lot of this from your tribe. Stop being a victom. Being Bp is a choice.

          [–]strwbrywild 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Very well said! So much truth here. I know a lot of women with Princess mentality that ...this really applies! Constantly cry to me about their bullshit crappy lives that they've created, and blame others for. They feel everything is just happening to them and they deserve better. The reality is the life they have created by shitty choices they make. They think they're entitled to an amazing life and situation they have not earned. Male or female, nobody is entitled to shit!!! We have to earn what we get! I grew up with an extremely narcissistic feminist mom that insisted she is not feminist. (Sad thing is she doesn't realize she is) I've been happily married for over 21 years now. I've learned how not to treat men from watching her. I work for everything and expect nothing! I am no better than the next guy or girl out there! If you want something to change you have to change it yourself. If we're not challenged we cannot change.

          [–]1SirKolbath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My favorite saying about this sort of thing is "Someone had to teach Albert Einstein basic math."

          [–]aim_so_far 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I think a corollary to this: stop letting the headwinds cloud all of the benefits u were given in life. Everyone has had a different hand dealt and its all too common for people to dwell on their misfortunes in life instead of all of the leg-ups they've recieved: being healthy, living in a first world country, not enduring war or famine, etc. Once we start appreciating our tailwinds in life, we can start to let that negative shit go and take better control our lives.

          [–]mrnuttty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I blame myself and no one else for any action that was under my control, regardless of the person at fault. Disappointed on oneself hits harder than on others. So that way I try to better myself next time.

          [–]rlm1997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If you don't think good parenting matters, you're a moron. Plain and simple.

          [–]1Ill_mumble_that 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My father is why I sucked before age 21. After that it was my fault. But now I can take credit for fixing that.

          [–]Shaman6624 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          To further extrapolate on "he didn't hand you the torch because he didn't have it in the first place": furthermore there is not one torch but 1.000.000 torches and he's surely passed you atleast to many to remember and acknowledge. You're also gonna make mistakes in raising a child. Better to focus on the things you're gratefull for in regards to your parents then to play the blame game.

          [–]drnaline 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Your dad's job is done as long as he puts a roof in your head, and gives you life. I totally agree with what you are saying. They try their best, don't think that you are smarter than them in any way. Nobody would pay for your phone, nobody would pay for your school but your parents. Ask a friend for $3000 borrow, and see his response. His job is done, as long as he put a sperm and raised you (hopefully). Adult life should be when you develop yourself by finding whats missing inside your universe by reading books, watching, training, EXPERIENCING for the most part

          [–]ZeppKfw 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          "Go out and fuck it up until you figure it out" best advice there is.

          [–]PM_ME_YOUR_SALSA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I don’t agree with this. My father’s trademark advice has always been this, and I grew up envying fathers that would teach their sons how to work on cars, do their taxes, game girls, etc.

          Not so much for the skill set, but more so for the bonding experience that results from seeing your father invest time to pass down his legacy to you.

          There is something special about seeing an older man take time to teach a boy how to do something. It embodies the hope that past generations of men put into the new generation.

          “Go out and fuck it up until you figure it out yourself” will certainly make you a jack of all trades and generally much more street-smart than the average dude, but it will also show that your own dad would rather sit on his ass and watch TV rather than show a young man how his father overcame that particular challenge.

          Lastly, this way of thinking is very individualistic. If everyone was to operate like this then TRP would not be here because there is no need to teach you how to game girls, about frame, and female psychology when you can just fucking figure it out by yourself.

          [–]PM_ME_YOUR_SALSA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I agree with most of what you’re saying. On one hand, taking matters into one’s own hands is a pillar of masculinity. On the other, it is a lot easier for us to forgive our fathers because we have this surrogate, alpha male father called TheRedPill that guides us towards the right path.

          We can’t say that men from past generations without the internet could afford to have a weakling, deadbeat father, because that was possibly a man’s only role model in life. In that case, I would understand if a man were absolutely hateful of his beta schlump of a father. Knowing how to deal with women, from shit tests to their perverse tendencies to avoid all kinds of responsibility isnt something that a man with average IQ would naturally think of. Let’s not forget the reason why many of us are here * is * because we had no idea how the fuck women’s brains work. Back then, a father that didn’t teach his son TRP principles automatically denied him the ability to live a successful life with women.

          [–]KrakaLakak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Except it is, childhood experiences define adulthood, multiple studies on it

          [–]bitcoin1188 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Signed: somebody that didnt have a shitty or alcoholic loser father

          [–]0fficialRider99 0 points1 point  (4 children)

          It wasn’t my fucking fault she cheated on him and lied to cover it up. I was just letting him know her true colors, he should be fucking thanking me.

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

          Should be but he's not going to. Get over him. You sound like a jaded ex.

          [–]0fficialRider99 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          But I lost my job because of that lie and it nearly ruined my reputation. You telling me to just be the bigger person to that evil ass bitch?

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

          I'm saying not to become what you hate.

          [–]MakeAmericaRichAgain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Abundance mentality, my friend. There are plenty of jobs out there, and plenty of cities where you have no reputation.

          In reality, you shouldn't think about that "evil ass bitch" at all. There are too many other great things out there to be enjoying.

          [–]1-Fidelio- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I started growing much better once I understood where certain problems came from. Yes, it's good to move forward and take responsibility. But it can be very valuable to identify what you do and why. Particularly if you have interest in being a father

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          The blame game is played by those who want to get the load off their shoulders, not those seeking for the next road to walk on. And you can witness that effect in both individual and societal scale.

          [–]cuntrolbot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          100% truth. Look up "Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I agree 100%. It can be your father, your first love who broke your heart, society, other races, other genders or dry skin. The first big step anyone makes is when you turn the finger pointing at outside forces and aim it inside. Good post.

          [–]Work_In_Progress92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          One must take Extreme Ownership and responsibility for their own life.

          Stop blaming external sources; own it and work on it.

          [–]eaxiv 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          So. fucking. what.

          Only you are responsible for your own success

          This is what most need to understand, but now let's not underestimate or undervalue what happens in our homes, there's solid evidence on how parenting affects us, how and why parents are our role models and why they should exist and be there. I was raised by my grandmother I rarely saw my parents as they were working to maintain a "comfortable" live style so I understand, but I just wish I had a family before a life-style. Your parents are to blame, perhaps, but no one told them how to be parents they just did the best they could and you little shit are the end result, so what are you doing now?. Yes it is naive to think that other people decisions/actions doesn't affect you at all, and It's true but fuck that, be a fucking man, just acknowledge that yeah other people might be to blame but don't dwell on it, stop being a pussy.

          The same goes for school, this was my the second realization, there's a fucking problem with school that's almost a fucking scam but fuck them, stop crying over how your teachers suck or how society makes it hard, take responsibility for your own fucking education. Today I'm almost out of college and everything I know it's thanks to what I learned by myself, fuck teachers, fuck school, work for yourself.

          TAKE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

          [–]eaxiv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Just expanding a little on the school thought, I believe there are genuine teachers that care for education and there are great institutions so what I said is based on experienced but it helped me realized what OP said " Only you are responsible for your own success".

          What made it all clear was something like 13 reasons why, except for the whole drama queen, it was more like, you know ,thing after thing it's what drives you to the edge, so after making sure my teachers were teaching just because they had to make a living, what made me realized how fucked up my school was, was listening to a administrative staff saying how students where such a shit and fucking dumb because they needed help with a document format (which btw was horribly done) and a teacher who told me in confidence that she had to give a 100 or A+ to one of my classmates because she was so fucking annoying on how to improve her score, you know extra work and whatnot, she only got a 85 or B+ but she was fucking pressing that my teacher gave her a 100 or A+ so she just would fuck off.

          So you only go to school to prove you are functional enough that you can go through all the shit school is without going autistic and lucky you if you realize learning and getting experience has to be done all by yourself, so in the end you can go out and work to a reputable enterprise. But what drives me nuts is how many don't realize this and they seem happy with the "achievement of college", or perhaps it's just me.

          [–]ToryTosh1922 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This post gave me a much-needed kick up the backside.

          My dad was inattentive and I never had a positive masculine role model growing up. As a result I became a feminised BP'd mummy's boy.

          However, instead of being bitter and resentful I instead acquired a positive sense of masculinity through internet communities like The Red Pill. Slowly but surely, I started transitioning from a mummy's boy to a respectable man. The transition is still ongoing, as it always will be, but ever since I started accepting responsibility for myself and the consequences of my actions my life got a damn sight better

          [–]Andrew54321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          There’s an expiry date on blaming those who raised us.

          [–]NormalAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          It's fair enough going through the anger after realising how stupid our very recent forefathers were and how we were willingly sold down the river. It's pretty bad.

          But it's all just another shit test and we all know what that's all about.

          [–]Just_Isaak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Been wondering how to break it to my lil brother for a long time. Thanks for the combo of good words.

          [–]ebaymasochist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          We now have the luxury of long lives to correct things. In the past if you didn't have a father figure to teach you crutial life skills like hunting and self defense it was a death sentence. Trp puts down beta males for raising someone else's kids but I think we may owe them credit for saving a lot of lives. Alphas go to war and die or killed in an accident and the betas held civilization together.

          [–]PlatavsPlomo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          One of my Gunnys told me this the other day, “you create all your own problems.”

          At first I tried to think of all the situations that chance can be blamed for whatever current situation i happen to be dealing with.

          Then I realized it makes more sense to take it as a motto for the future. Do what you can now to mitigate problems that may arise. No amount of planning is gonna give me a perfect run but constantly working towards perfection is the only way to live.

          [–]AltBuzzer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Well, actually it is largely his fault in a lot of ways, but it's not anything I can't overcome and I'm done complaining about it.

          I think a better message is that if your parents fucked you up, you can still overcome it, but only if you quit bitching about it and focus on bettering yourself.

          [–]AceofRains 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Having your father around only reserves you on time for some life lessons. Everything else is up to you.

          [–]Golivth5k 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          We’re a generation of men raised by women.

          [–]_Never_Ever_Clever_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Everyone in this thread needs to pick up: “As A Man Thinketh” James Allen

          [–]Psychelocibin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          As a man who thouth that had swallowed the pill, thank you, I needed this words.

          [–]kalashnick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Mine happens to be in .308.

          Friendly-fire in 'Nam?

          [–]naIamgood 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Pure alpha dad rarely teaches anything. They gave you their dna and its usually enough. My dad was a 6' 2 pure alpha, if I turned out to be a 5 10 beta fuck it's not his fault.

          [–]S-Blaze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          lol wrong, the best alphas teach and fix things up.

          [–]RedPilledRoaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You aren't owed anything. Good post.

          [–]ADHDbroo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Dude your wrong.. im not saying blame your failures on your dad but most likely if your a beta your dads a beta.. this is because biologically your father is supposed to show you how to be a man and role the tribe. Its somewhat his fault

          [–]1The_BitterTruth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          That was when you grew up but how about now?

          [–]Disobedient_Citizen1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Having no father figure is better than having a narcisistic bully for one. I only started to transition into manhood in my late twenties, he did a good job of keeping my mother, sister and me weak and dependant on him. One cannot fight narcisism with just methods, you have to use their own methods against them. You have to defile yourself by using against them the same methods they used to subjugate you. the most powerful of all is to expose them for the lying filth they are, always have a device on the ready to document their schemes.

          I am today nearly impossible to fool or lie to. I see it a mile away due to constantly trying to stay a few steps ahead of his schemes since primary school, if i didnt constantly try and outthink him id find myself in a usually humiliatinh situation. Learning that i owe this advantage to adapting to his malevolence is a point of conflicting pride and utter disgust for me, as i no only want to be nothing like him but am also unwilling to give him credit for any part of my being.

          In the end i know im not like him because i cant deny that i love him, but i will never trust him enough to tell him that and i cant ever show him. He thinks i cant be fucked with anymore but if he were to know how i really feel he would see me as a potential victim again. Ill piss on his grave some day, well i probably wont and have a drink instead. I dont want revenge anymore, i want emotional indifference, partly because thats what i know a narcisist dreads and partly because he is the only part of my life where i struggle to control my emotions. Namely anger and disgust.

          My need to be my fathers polar opposite drove me directly toward stoicism, if i knew anything it was that to become a man i needed only to be vastly different to my father. That mean taking personal responsibility in life

          [–]tumult0us4 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          this mindset is so stupid. Blaming other people for your problems is not the same thing as absolving yourself from personal responsibility or accountability. How can you diagnose and treat anything without first finding the cause. OP, your attitude is not new and I've heard it several times from many other people, it goes against common logic and problem solving. We SHOULD have a higher standard for parenting and we should apply it to ourselves when we have children. the only reason your at a liberty to say something stupid like this is because being a shitty parent isn't criminal, and it really should be.