Red Pill TheoryThree Harsh Truths About Cold Approach Pickup (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Aghayden

Even a ‘master pick up artist’ doesn’t sleep with every stunning girl he sees. 9 times out of 10, the beautiful women he approaches reject him.

Unfortunately, pickup artists rarely talk about the harsh truths about cold approach pickup. Reality doesn’t sell, fantasy does. That’s why when you see infield videos on Youtube, you’re basically seeing a ‘highlight reel’ of his best approaches (the many rejections are cut out).

If you want to succeed with women, you must understand the obstacles you will (inevitably) face. Yes, you can sleep with 9’s and 10’s, yes you can have an incredible amount of fun approaching women, and yes, attracting women is a skill that anyone can learn.

However, to date 9’s and 10’s, you’re going to have to wade through a lot of shit. You’re going to have to endure countless rejections, your ego is going to get stomped on (repeatedly), and you’re going to have to get comfortable with discomfort.

In this article, you’re going to learn the 3 harsh truths of cold approach pickup. By learning the challenges you’re going to face, you will be much more likely to overcome those challenges and, ultimately, get the exciting dating life you want.


1. Most Guys Who Try to Learn Pickup Fail


Research has shown that 92% of people who get a gym membership fail to get in better shape. 90% of businesses fail in the first year. And, similarly, the vast majority of guys who learn about cold approach pickup don’t end up sleeping with beautiful women.

Failure is the norm: success stories are outliers.

Just like buying a gym membership doesn’t guarantee you’ll get ripped, reading a pickup book an doesn’t guarantee you’re going to become a modern Don Juan.

Why do most guys who try to learn pickup fail? There are a 2 primary reasons.


A. They Don’t Take Enough Action


If you want to date the highest quality women, you’re going to have to take more action in a year than most guys will in their entire life. If you’re serious about getting results, you should go out and meet new women every week. And when you’re out, at least 80% of that time should be spent interacting with women (as opposed to looking at your phone).

Going out once every couple months isn’t enough. Approaching 3 women on a night out isn’t enough. If you want results you’ll have to take considerable, consistent action – just like any other skill.

Would you expect to become a skilled guitarist if you practiced once a month? No. Would you expect to get ripped if you spent 80% of your time at the gym staring at weights from afar? No.

If you want substantially better results than most men get, you’re going to have to take substantially more action.

To be fair, if all you want from pickup is a decent girlfriend, then you might be able to go out a few times, approach a few women, and get into a relationship with one of them. But that girl isn’t going to be exceptional.

if you want women who are out of your league, you must be prepared to push yourself much further than most guys ever will.


B. They Don’t Learn from Their Mistakes


I knew a guy who went out to meet women every day for an entire year. He approached at least 20 women per day. Despite this, he didn’t get laid a single time in that whole year.

One night, I went out with this guy and watched him approach girls. It quickly became obvious why he wasn’t getting results: he was so quiet that the women he approached couldn’t hear what he was saying. He wasn’t even getting the attention of these women, of course he wasn’t sleeping with them.

If you want to get better with women, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. You must actively look for the mistakes you’re making.

It’s easy to notice the mistakes other people make, but it’s hard to catch our own mistakes; it’s much easier to make excuses than it is to take responsibility:

It’s much easier to tell yourself, “I’m not getting girls because I’m Indian,” than it is to tell yourself, “I’m not getting girls because the only women I interact with are in online chatroom.”

It’s much easier to tell yourself, “Every girl rejected me last night because I’m ugly,” than it is to tell yourself, “Every girl rejected me last night because I was boring and awkward.”

We instinctively tell ourselves stories that make us comfortable. You do it, I do it. It’s hard to question these stories, but as soon as you doubt them, you become empowered to make a real change.

Yes, factors outside your immediate control affect your dating life (looks, money, status), but as seductive as it is to tell yourself you’re not getting results because of external factors, the secret to success is to improve those things that are under your control.

You can blame your looks when you’re approaching 50 women a night and you’ve developed your personality to the point where your charisma is a 10/10 . You can blame your ethnicity when you’ve spent 5 thousand hours approaching women and you still have nothing to show for it.

But that won’t happen. It never does. When someone looks for the mistakes they’re making (e.g. “I’m not approaching enough.” “I’m not leading interactions forward enough.” “I’m not making strong eye-contact.”) and they take action to correct those mistakes, they inevitably improve their results.


2. Most women you approach won’t sleep with you regardless of what you do or say


About half the women you approach will have boyfriends. Many women you approach just won’t find you attractive. Some women are in a bad mood when you approach. Fact is, even if you do everything perfectly, the majority of women you approach won’t sleep with you.

On a really good night, I can pull about one out of every ten attractive women I approach. On an average night, it’s more like 1 in 20.

Some of these women rejected me because I did something wrong. But most of them were going to reject me no matter what I did or said. If I were willing to sleep with less attractive girls (6s/7s), my ratio would go up quite a bit (but I’d also be selling myself short).

I haven’t met a guy who sleeps with most of the women he approaches – that guy probably doesn’t exist (unless you count A-list celebrities). It might sound shitty that 95% of the women I approach reject me, but it also means that if I do 20 approaches in a night, chances are I’ll end up bringing a very attractive girl home.

If you see rejections as something you should avoid, you’re not going to get better with women. The only way to succeed at pickup is to lean into rejection, to face it so often that it no longer affects you (this article gives you a step-by-step strategy for becoming numb to rejection).

Most women you approach won’t sleep with you. But you’re not going to remember your rejections, you’re going to remember the incredible experiences you had with beautiful, captivating women.


3: Your Emotions Aren’t on Your Side


If you only do what feels good in the moment, you’re not going to grow. Comfort and growth are opposites. If you want to grow, you must give up momentary comfort. Every action that leads towards success with women requires you to go against your emotions.

For example, when I see a beautiful woman, I still experience approach anxiety. Although I’m interested in this girl, my emotions are trying to hold me back. My heart beats fast, I starts sweating, and I feel like something bad will happen if he walks up to this girl.

I might experience approach anxiety, but I don’t let it control me. I know that to reach my goal, I must go against my emotions. I know that I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how I react to my feelings. Just because I feel like I can’t approach a beautiful girl, doesn’t mean I actually can’t do it: I can always move one foot in front of the other and start talking to her.

And, once I act against my emotions, my emotions stop fighting me – the momentum shifts. Each approach becomes easier than the last. Until eventually, approaching women becomes effortless.

Your emotions want you to avoid doing anything that might risk rejection. The only way to change this is to get rejected (repeatedly) so that your brain realizes that nothing bad happens when you do take a risk.

The only way to improve at pickup is to accept the reality that, oftentimes, your emotions aren’t on your team. Fortunately, your emotions can only control you if you let them. It’s up to you to decide whether you want your feelings to determine your fate, or if you want to create your own fate by facing negative emotions head on.

This doesn’t just apply to approaching a woman, it applies to all areas of pickup:

-Asking a girl for her number. -Leaning in to kiss a woman. -Going out when you have a busy schedule. -Inviting a girl to your place. -Etc.

Each of these actions will be uncomfortable (especially the first few times you do them), but if you can persist through your negative feelings, you can both have an amazing dating life, and become incredibly confident in yourself.

As soon as you think you should only do what feels good right now, you’ve already lost. However, when it comes to attracting women, if you’re willing to eat shit for a year, you’ll be able to eat caviar for the rest of your life.


Conclusion: Three Harsh Truths About Cold Approach Pickup


If you expect picking up women to be easy, you’re going to end up disappointed and frustrated. That frustration is likely to lead you to give up before you get anywhere close to the results you want. However, if you accept the reality that pickup is hard and messy and awkward, you’ll have a much higher chance of succeeding.

Accepting that you will have to make sacrifices is the first step towards success. The people who achieve their goals are those who understand pain is an unavoidable step towards greater happiness.

The moment you decide you are willing face short term pain for a long-term gain, is the moment that you’ve started on the path towards success.

BTW: If you'd like, you can follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden

[–]BornShook 51 points52 points  (7 children)

Good post. It's all a numbers game. Everyone has some ingredients, but youre not gonna have the right ingredients for every hoe you meet, no matter what you do or say. In the short term, play the numbers game, and approach more. In the long term, work on yourself. learn from mistakes, workout, etc.

Its a numbers game in the short term, but you can increase your odds by building power, and muscle. You cant get down on yourself from rejection because its inevitable. Learn from it, use it as fuel to make you stronger.

[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 10 points11 points  (3 children)

You are 100% correct, its more of a numbers game then most guys understand.

Corey Wayne says 12% of the girls would becould be interested in you. (Then there are all the other things going on in their life that can get in the way at that moment.)

So guys need to learn to accept the rejections. A lot of rejections. 8 out of 10 rejections... Embrace the rejections... You plan for the worse, but hope for the best.

Eventually, if you stick with it, better yourself, you increase your odds by being quicker in identifying the ones that are just not interested, and focusing on those that show the signs that they are interested.

Too many guys get butt hurt after a few rejections, and then just go home to sulk, play video games (where they can be the hero), and jerk off to porn (where they can be the lover).

[–]BornShook -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I don't like the 12% number because it really depends on who you are. If youre an overweight loser, its probably around 5%. If youre a jacked athlete, whos popular and good with women, 20-25% (but obviously the athletes not gonna be fucking around with the ugly ones, so prolly 10% of them that are into them are actually bangable material). You can make yourself more atractive to shift the percentage of girls into you in the long run, but play the numbers game in the short run.

Edit: You make good points, and I agree with your comments main point. Rejection isnt a big deal, play the numbers game.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No one is getting 1/4 of cold leads into sales. No one. Not zimmerman advertising, not RSD tyler, not even fucking Jesus.

Okay, 3000 years ago, Jesus comes and knocks on your fucking door. He eloquently performs a miracle, diplomatically asks you to convert to god, etc. Most people are going to turn jesus down. Its just the way it is. Jesus cant get 25%of people to convert to christianity, so what the fuck makes you think anyone can get 1/4 of people to convert to sleeping in your bed instead of theirs? Its a numbers game. Its more like 2 or 3% sales per 100% cold leads.

[–]BornShook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but we're talking about the percentage of women that are/could be into you. Not the percentage of women you can fuck in the immeadiate future. Thats why I don't care for this figure. It differs depending on your attractiveness, status, etc.

[–]Andgelyo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

“Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t”.- Jay Z

Life is a numbers game. Knock on 100 doors, one is bound to open up.

[–]BornShook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think that's what he meant by that but I agree with what you're saying

[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We need more of this guy he's 110% accurate. That rule number 1 especially. All of them honestly.

[–]VerloreneHaufen 34 points35 points  (10 children)

Honestly, what gave me confidence to do cold approach was becoming better looking and getting my shit together.

I tried cold approach for years with very marginal results. Felt like hitting my head against a wall.

Getting fit, getting a better hairstyle, clearing my skin, whitening my teeth, getting better clothes that fit properly, etc. All it took was 6 months and my results skyrocketed.

It also made me more confident and I don’t need to borrow confidence from the vodka bottle. I don’t drink anymore, at all which helps me to stay fit and stay sharp while I’m out there.

I went from having to approach fucktons of girls to get results to having to approach about 5~10. Because the cold approaches have become much warmer.

Getting a 9 is an outlier... when you’re not one yourself. When you’re there it’s the rule.

I’m still at the 7-8 range punching higher than my weight, because why not? But if I stick to the 8s and under it’s fairly easy.

Women only look to what’s above them. Keep growing, rise above.

[–]rigbed 8 points9 points  (6 children)

You got downvoted. You’re absolutely right. Make your jaw strong get jacked and have a life that varies between being wild and dangerous and fancy and elite.

[–]clausternn 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I get getting jacked but how do you "make your jaw strong"?

[–]alphamystic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lowering your body fat, assuming you have good bone structure

[–]EPArt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Eat lots of pussy, nas joking but now that i think about it that might work lol. Just do some jaw exercises get one of those chewing guards maybe

[–]datingtransformation 2 points3 points  (0 children)

LOVE this.

Becoming a more attractive version of yourself works WAY better than doing a thousand approaches and trying to perfect technique.

[–]Giddleor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Did you whiten your teeth through the dentist procedure or did you do it some other way? Care to explain?

[–]VerloreneHaufen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dentist. If you’re planning to whiten in any way, I’d recommend to go to the dentist at least for a routine cleaning if you haven’t done it in a while. It’s good remove the plaque,etc. to avoid staining.

I did the mold+gel treatment. Takes 3 weeks, it’s fairly cheap, it’s not very aggressive and the results are good.

[–]RedPillPhx 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Great post! I think points 1 and 3 are spot on. Furthermore, our initial discomfort with social interaction is a big part of what causes us not to take action in a social setting. I’m a firm believer in practicing opening ANYONE in conversation as a way to enhance your cold approach game. Practicing with bros at the bar and HB5-6’s will boost your confidence in front of Stacy. It will train your brain to look for ways to engage others in conversation (compliments, asking questions, sharing your expertise, etc.). I find that warming up my social brain each day with some simple interactions (clerk at the bakery, or guy in line at the market) helps me in more important interactions (sales meetings, with the ladies).

I try to stay away from presumptions like truth 2. Women will definitely give you cues when they aren’t in the mood to be approached. Many will have boyfriends, and tell you this quickly in order to usher you into a friend-zone frame. These conditions alone though, don’t mean she won’t fuck you at some point. Don’t confuse bad timing for disinterest. Read her cues. If you’re Chad enough in her mind, her hamster will start turning. The next encounter with Stacy could play out to be more interesting. Keep your frame fun and POSITIVE, regardless of your internal calculation of how likely you think it is this specific girl wants to fuck you. Maybe Stacy’s quiet friend who bangs like a pornstar is coming back from the bathroom just in time to notice how fun and interesting you seem to her “attached” counterpart.

[–]rigbed 9 points10 points  (0 children)

A rolling stone doesn’t collect moss until it has momentum.

Also, getting contacts for hot girls to be friends is a good idea anyway. Build a network. When you throw parties you can hit these girls up.

[–]FratboyOnReddit 18 points19 points  (0 children)

   if you’re willing to eat shit for a year, 
   you’ll be able to eat caviar for the rest of your life. 

What a quote. Thank you for the inspiration!

I may add on Snap, no homo lol.

[–]1atticusfinch1973 11 points12 points  (5 children)

I just started playing the bass guitar after being a singer for many years to develop a new skill. Rather than doing a one hour lesson once a week I decided to devote to 10-15 minutes every day. Not surprising at all that I'm learning much faster. Consistency in anything over time yields results - and the more often you practice even in short bursts, the faster the results will come with anything skill based.

Just an example, but whether it's gaming women or playing an instrument, daily application will always win out.

[–]rigbed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another one downvoted. This is a very important observation

[–]clausternn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same for learning a language. Many people take classes 1x or 2x a week, when ideally it's recommended you study 30-60 minutes every day.

[–]moltenw 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Not everywhere it applies, though.

Example : gym.

[–]ceo_greasyduck 0 points1 point  (1 child)

15-20 min a day > 1 hour a week

[–]moltenw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, perhaps, but what exactly can you do in 15-20 minutes? Do 5 sets of bench press?

Alright, if you go each day for 15-20 minutes and do one compound exercise, it probably is better than going to the gym once a week for an hour. I stand corrected.

[–]1Mr_Badass 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The 4th Truth: They Have Scarcity Mentality and put women on a pedestal. Care too much about what they think. Treat her way too good and think she is a unicorn.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Great honest post.

On a really good night, I can pull about one out of every ten attractive women I approach. On an average night, it’s more like 1 in 20.

From researching the best of the honest PUA's out there, the sex-to-approach ratio is about 3%, so your figures (OP) are in line with this. It's important to be realistic about this because newbies will get disheartened otherwise.

One great way to increase this success rate (or amortise the effort if you think like that) is to simply bang her more than once. Aim to make a FWB rather than a quick lay. This often means fucking her on the second date rather than first, and screening for logistics/situation before putting a lot of time into her.

Once you get good you realise the biggest cost isn't the 17/20 that say no, it's the 2/20 that say no after you spend an evening with them. It's why you escalate early and screen early for her living arrangements, does she live close by, has boyfriend she actually likes, etc. All saves you time and avoids the dates to nowhere.

[–]2chazthundergut 3 points4 points  (1 child)

  1. PUA is a poor use of a time. Take those hours spent doing PUA and put them into the gym and your mission.

When you are an attractive man living your life, the women you interact with on a daily basis (at starbucks, at the pool party, at the comedy club, etc) will throw you IOI's. Then it is a simple matter of walking up and saying "hey"

If chicks are not throwing you IOI's when you go out, then you need to re-evaluate your fitness, appearance, behavior, career, and social status. Those are the areas to focus on. Pussy comes as a result of having your life in order as a man.

[–]Pink-Heart 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good post, but missleading title. You're not pointing out harash truths about cold approach, but just approaching girls in general.

[–]Zech4riah 2 points3 points  (2 children)

This was refreshing to read especially after reading a post couple of days ago where guy boasted about 95% close rate.

I share pretty much the same experience. If I game 9s or 10s I usually have to do about 20 approaches to pull one of them (which means it takes around 4-5 NG sessions because there isn't that many hotties running around especially if you use time to approach less hot girls).

[–]rigbed 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hotties are taken. You have to actually compete for them.

[–]blacklightsleaze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"with other top tier guys" I would add.

[–]drnaline 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post! Really some on point article, that forces you to grow and not analyse paralysis like other stuff PUA do.

[–]TheStarsTurnBlue 4 points5 points  (5 children)

I remember dr_warlock posting about how cold approach is a lone wolf fantasy. I don't want to believe it, but it's true. Cold approach is predatory in nature and is an invasion of privacy, especially if you're not a good-looking, socially well-connected person. 80% of guys have to rely on their social circles if they want to get some quality pussy. Online dating only works if you're open to plowing low-quality pussy, ie. the girls who for some reason can't get any decent guys in their social circle.

Sure, you can try cold approach if you want, but you have to cold approach in ways that won't let you get a reputation as a lonely creep.

[–]BornShook 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If youre coming off as a creep, youre doing something wrong

[–]clausternn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't buy your comment. The fact that you stepped out of your comfort in a way 90% of men don't, and cold approached an attractive girl, already signals you're not a lonely creep.

[–]eyewant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's gynocentric to look down upon cold approaches.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I second the online dating argument. You'll rarely pull chicks in your SMV bracket off Tinder/Bumble/whatever. Only use it if you're willing to bang chicks 2 - 3 points lower than your SMV.

[–]rigbed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Preselection and cold approach is no longer cold

[–]MeanCaregiver 1 point2 points  (2 children)

why you gotta call out indian ppl some of us are good looking LMAO

[–]Aghayden[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I didn't say anything about whether Indian guys are good looking. I was saying that Indian guys tend to have insecurities about being unattractive because of their race (as well as Asian guys in general)

[–]MeanCaregiver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

just jokes brother i got what you meant 👌😂

[–]conflagratorX 1 point2 points  (5 children)

How would you rate yourself on 1-10 scale?

[–]Aghayden[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say in the 7-8 range. But the number scale is very subjective, to put it more quantitatively I'd say i'm in roughly the top 25% of guys - better than average but not male-model looking by any means.

[–]Leonidas_79 0 points1 point  (3 children)

He’ll say 8-9, but he sounds more like a 6

[–]Saberinbed 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Honestly, if you’re like a 7 you should be good if you lift, dress well, and know what you’re doing.

[–]clausternn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He could be a 7 after lifting, dressing well, etc.

[–]Leonidas_79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this is the case

[–]Aloongish 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Getting rejected and getting mad at her or seeking revenge is a really horrible way to get her to sleep with you. They don’t owe us their physical touch and affection. If only up to them to give us their time or whatever they have. Not having the entitled mentality will make your life a lot better. Rejection is always a good way to find ways on how to improve. There’s definitely no real certain formula for every girl. Every girl has their own needs, and wants. Sometimes, their needs and wants change as they grow older. Some just don’t want to get married, some of them are asexual too, some will find you very physically unattractive, etc.

[–]zestytacoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On a really good night, I can pull about one out of every ten attractive women I approach. On an average night, it’s more like 1 in 20.

I'd say that's encouraging, not a harsh truth!

If I were willing to sleep with less attractive girls (6s/7s),

Maybe my perspective is different, but I find those girls plenty cute, I don't understand why I would want to go for those stunners. After a point it's all the same

[–]RPmatrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even a ‘master pick up artist’ doesn’t sleep with every stunning girl he sees. 9 times out of 10, the beautiful women he approaches reject him.

I am a Master. It depends on your targets and your Game. 1 in 4 was about my average by the time I became a Master and in my younger days.

Although there were times when it was 4 plates to 1 me, which I found very tricky to manage and since then have never had more than two plates on the table at any one time. Appetites vary

although these days I'd say that some guys have even better ratios than this, oversupply even, like a HB10 with guys buy vice versa

[–]alphamystic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Accepting that you will have to make sacrifices is the first step towards success. The people who achieve their goals are those who understand pain is an unavoidable step towards greater happiness."

I love this quote.

[–]Flying_Wingback 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 80/20 applies to most things. 20% of the girls you approach will show interest in sleeping with you. The 20% of that 20%(so 4% overall) will actually sleep with you. The closing ratio will increase with lower SMV girls as you improve but should remain around 4% with the equal or higher SMV girls you approach

[–]moroots 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what would be the best way for one to learn from his mistakes? part of what is so tricky about cold approach is the lack of feedback mechanism. how do you cultivate that ruthless self awareness necessary to figure out what leavers to push/pull to improve?

[–]datingtransformation 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Some solid points here, for sure. 100 percent right: Most guys don't take NEARLY enough action. And absolutely, this journey is NOT easy. If it was, everyone would be doing it, right?

I would add another essential component to success with women. Being authentic.

In fact, I would say this is the MOST important thing, along with taking massive action.

Most guys put on a mask when they go out to meet women. Maybe it's "The pick-up guy." Or "Super Nice Guy." Or they adopt this false alpha/a-hole persona, because some pickup guru told him that's what women respond to.

If I was gonna give you a piece of advice about how to have success with women, it comes down to three words: Be radically authentic.

When you’re being radically authentic with people, you’re at your most confident, comfortable, charismatic—and that makes you magnetic to MANY women.

You're featuring your best trait: your REAL personality.

I’ve trained under several top dating coaches and self-help gurus, and the best ones I’ve learned from -- Tony Robbins, Owen Cook, Brad Blanton -- all talk about the importance of being your real self.

I take it a step further: With women, be RADICALLY authentic. Be the most blazingly honest, transparent, speak-from-the-heart version of yourself you can be.

That’s when chemistry with a wonderful woman will happen naturally, rather than the result of button-pushing moves, or a 17-step technical system a PUA taught you that only shoves you into your head.

Believe it or not, being radically you is EASIER than pretending to be someone you’re not. Yet the typical guy wears a mask when he’s dating or out meeting girls. He acts extra cool, extra impressive, extra “nice,” extra alpha.

But by doing that, he’s actually watering himself down and hiding his TRUE personality and making himself less attractive. So women reject him, which can crush a guy’s confidence.

He thinks the problem is him. Not at all. It’s just that women haven’t met the REAL him.

But when you channel your authentic self, women LOVE it… Not EVERY woman, of course, because we all have different types. But the kinds of girls who would love your type will go crazy for you… when you’re brave enough to put your real self out there.

It’s the difference between being a weak, watered-down well drink, or a smooth, strong whiskey. Girls want the good stuff—the 80-proof, top-shelf YOU.

I know this is counter-intuitive, but you don’t want to learn how to pick up girls. You want to learn how to be radically real with women—and let natural chemistry and attraction work its mojo.

This works BETTER than learning how to pick up girls, with a big added bonus: You get to be YOU, and make genuine connections with amazing women.

Some guys say, "But I’m a nice guy. Girls want bad boys, right?”

Women LOVE nice guys. Me, I’m the nicest guy in the world. I volunteer with blind people. I literally help old ladies cross the street. (Not bragging, people of Reddit! Just saying that nice guys can, and do, attract the most incredible women.)

So if you’re a good, solid, nice guy… awesome. Lean into it. Because it’s what women want. Consider this. In a Glamour Magazine poll, single women chose “loyal and lovable men” as the category of guys they MOST want to date, at 33%. “Bad boys” finished second to last, at 6%.

I tried the whole “bad boy”/pickup thing. A VERY FAMOUS pickup coach I worked with had me go out for a whole month and be the biggest asshole to women. It was awful. I felt like an alien. Women hated it. I hated it. And it didn't work.

I felt like I was wearing someone else’s suit. So if you’re a “nice guy,” flaunt it. If you’re into LARP, own it. If you’ve memorized entire episodes of Star Trek, no judgment. (OK, a LITTLE judgment…haha.)

I recently coached a single dad who wanted to know if he should talk about his kids on first dates.

Hell yes, I said. “You have the most important job on the planet,” I told him. “You’d better talk about fatherhood. It’s a major part of your identity.”

And never, ever run from being a nice guy. Don’t take it solely from me. I know this Maxim model. A perfect 10 stunner. Do you know who she wants to date? Nice guys! “Nice guys are sexier than 6-pack abs,” she said. She added an important point: "As long as you have a backbone, being a nice guy is the dream for women."

I believe that before a girl can fall for you, you have to fall for yourself. Before she buys into you, you have to buy in. You have to believe that you're an original man who has something to offer.

Think about it. There are a million guys trying a million lines they find online, on Youtube, here on Reddit.

But there’s only one person who possesses your life experiences, your sense of humor, your victories, your failures, your feelings.

You’re not one in a million. You’re one in 7 billion. When you put your real self on the line, you give women a singular, one-of-a-kind experience: the real you.

And yes, this poster is right. Not every woman is gonna be into you. But those girls who like your type are gonna LOVE you.

And in my experience, you can attraction from a good 25% of women, once you get this dialed in.

It takes bravery to be this vulnerable, but it’s worth it.

Some radical authenticity for you. In high school, I fought depression and felt isolated. I almost flunked out and ruined my young life. During that time, I blew off most of the great novels I was supposed to read in English class. So, a few years back, I decided to go back and read some of those classics: Huck Finn. Great Expectations. Moby Dick. I fell in love with literature.

When I read Moby Dick, I could not get enough. I read entire chapters out loud, to fully appreciate Melville’s perfect prose. I’ve memorized entire passages. Sometimes on dates I wear my Moby Dick T-shirt. And I own a copy of a letter signed by Melville.

So instead of trite dating advice (“mirror her body language,” “make good eye contact,” blah blah blah), let me leave you ith a favorite gem from Melville’s pen.

“It’s better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”

Here’s a blog post I wrote about what it means to be radically, authentically you:


[–]commoduscaligula 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I would like to believe this and it is true in some cases, but there are stories of nice guys here getting burned. What do you have to say to those people? I would rather be a nice guy but i won't let any woman break me down.

[–]datingtransformation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really about strength, having a backbone... you can be the nicest guy on the planet, but you have to have boundaries, as a man. Where "nice" guys go wrong is they end up becoming people-pleasers. And becoming a people pleaser will make a woman lose ALL attractiveness for you.

David Deida has a great line in "The Way of the Superior Man." As men, our job is to give women two things: truth and love.

Part of "truth" is letting them know they're sexy, we want them, we care for them.

Part of "truth" is ALSO being radically honest with women, and NOT changing who you are as a man, not trying to get her to like you by playing the part of a "nice" guy... But by simply being the nice, solid guy you are, while also showing her that you have a spine made of steel.

When women see that you're a good, solid guy -- but also a man who leads, who teases her, who makes her feel good emotions -- you can be the nicest guy on the planet and have an amazing dating life.

Sorry, I forget if I linked to it, or not, but I talk amore about this in a blog post about the power of being AUTHENTIC, as a way to "pick up" a girl without feeling like it's a "pickup."

Because women don't want to be picked up by some player.

They want to connect with a nice, strong guy.


Nice guy, signing off! :)


[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want results you’ll have to take considerable, consistent action – just like any other skill.

I'd like to hear what you mean by "Action" Why don't you just use the word approach? tell me more? thanks

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say more than 9 out of 10 will probably reject or lead to nothing.

Its just like sales, its a numbers game. You dont fuckin get 1 sale for every 10 doors you knock.. you gotta knock on fuckin 30 to 50 doors on average for one sale. Same goes for girls. Approach 30 to 50 girls for 1 that will have sex with you. Some of them are gonna slam the door in your face, most of them will be indifferent, some of them youve got to use smarter tactics on, some of them will be interested and so your approach better be good, some of them are going to be easy, some of them arent gonna work out just that second but they might refer you to one of their friends, some of them might take the deal tomorrow or next week or next month, but none of them are going to be doing anything if you dont approach them.

And no matter what, keep fucking going. Develop that formula, those principles to use at each door (each girl), and stick to those principles, and keep fucking going. Keep knocking. Keep approaching. Come back to the ones that didnt answer. Ask for referrals. Literally, ask a girl if she has a friend that is looking for the service you're offering (a mate). Drop the price. Keep going. Keep going. Keep moving. No mind. No thinking. Just enough to make it easy, joyful and light. No more than necessary. And keep approaching. Keep approaching. Maybe your product sucks (low Sexual Marketplace Value). Improve your product/offer by working out. And by approaching more. And by working out more.

[–]ezmsr2ez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post. I love the real talk and yes it is a numbers game. I need to print this out and post it on my wall.

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_SALSA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your post doesn’t actually include the link on rejection (probably a formatting error). Other than that, great post. Thanks for sharing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Salesman here. In sales the pareto principle applies because 20% of the salespeople earn 80% of the money. The reality is that most salespeople are persuasive and can talk and close but they still dont make money. The reason is because they dont prospect enough. Instead of generating their own leads they rely on what their company provides. This creates scarcity mentality, puts huge pressure to close the leads they've been given and creates dependence on external circumstances. Salespeople dont like to prospect because its gruelling, rejection filled work. Everybody wants the rush and thrill of closing the sale but most people arent willing to put in the boring, ugly, unappreciated and unseen ground work to make it happen. But those who do generate their own leads get abundance mentality which gives confidence and relaxation as well as independance and self-reliance.

I'm currently doing door knocking and I fucking hate it. I'm out for about 3-6 hours per day and my goal is to get 3 leads per day, so its grueling work. But the best skills take the highest price. I'm generating business from scratch all on my own which is a huge skill. The similarities between this and cold approach are obvious: 1. Dont be dependant on external circumstances (work, school, gym, etc) to bring girls to you, be active and go out and meet them. 2. Once you can deal with rejection a huge number of possibilities suddenly become open to you

[–]marcusmccambridge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a real eye opener for me. After reading posts like "i fucked 5 9/10's in a night" i was asking myself what the fucking secret was to getting every bitch to fuck you, not realizing how much rejection is really there, and that it's a key step to actually fucking bitches. Thank you for this post

[–]commoduscaligula 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've learned a lot in the 1 week i've been using this site. It's literally night and day. I was the proverbial nice guy. I still am, except it won't be with women who aren't my sister/mother/niece. The shades are off and this is the newly improved me. I always knew i would become this person and i always fought it. Even now i dread thinking that i will have to be sometimes cruel to women i see but it is what it is. Live and learn.

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Gynocentric much? Know what the difference between a 6 and a 10 is in bed? Not a whole lot, warm wet holes with a nice wrapper. Sure swing for the fences, no harm in that, but holy fuck the idea that you need to only fuck the hottest bitches it's putting them high above you, and will result in epic failure. Bitches do not raise your status, they are not an indication of your value or worth, they are playthings. We raise their status, not the other way around. Go fuck the 6, wear a raincoat, take it with you, give the bitch a false name. Hi I am Sergio.

However a fat chick next to you will drive bitches away, but a fat chick shadowing you will get your more attention. Think competition chasing you. Having a fat female friend shadow you will get you noticed, but you can't let it be known she's your friend.

This will be difficult for the spergs, but you can learn it like any language. Learn to read her body language, you can differentiate if she is into you, is repulsed, sees you as an ATM, or wants to get naked and fuck you for the fun of it all by her reactions and interactions with you. Doing thismakes cold approach easy, because you weed out the uninterested. There is no how to, I can't tell you what it is or how it looks, you have to learn by observing girls in their natural state and not put your bullshit emotional feelings into what you're seeing. Watch what she does, how she looks at guys, and pay attention to what they do when he isn't there as opposed to when he is. Most of you spergs should be able to figure it out, I did when I was 16.

This thirsty pua bullshit will only frustrate you and cause you to make shit choices and decisions.

[–]zestytacoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Isn't that applying pua stuff intelligently as opposed to just trying with every single girl desperately?