Red Pill TheoryControl Your Mind; Control Your Life (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime

I took a trip overseas a while back that had some profound lessons for me in terms of my mentality and approach to life. As I'm sure many of you have traveled at some point or another, hopefully it can for you too.

As soon as I landed at my destination my processing was in overload. I was taking in the different appearance of all the people around me, much darker than back home, shorter too. I observed how they spoke their native language. The loud tone and passionate hand gestures they used to communicate. I took a cab to my hotel, staring out the window at the landscapes. Observing each and every building and advertising board as we passed. Gazing out like a bewildered child, nervous yet excited for what's to come. As I got out onto the street, I took in the sights and sounds around me, all the people hurriedly getting around, onto the next destination. The architecture of the buildings were so old, yet detailed, masterful perfection. The streets smelt sweet, like a waffle stand. I walked inside my hotel eager to check in and get right back into the wilderness, to explore and experience this magical place.

When I went to a cafe I'd chat to the waiter. If there was someone else there alone I'd strike up a conversation, get some information on where to go. I quickly made some friends at a local park who were to show me around for the evening. We went out to some bars and I'd have no trouble chatting to any woman I liked. They don't know me, I could be anyone. And I don't know them, they could be anyone too, and I was interested to find out. Worst case scenario is they're unfriendly and I'll never see them again. With such an over inflated sense of confidence, of course interactions were easy, I was foreign and conversation flowed. My happy go lucky vibe was ever present, a woman can sense this a mile away.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks I did many things. I saw many things, ate many things, made many friends and slept with many woman. I knew my time was limited and I tried to make the most of it, and that was exactly what I did.

When I got back I had such a sense of deflation. It was like I was coming down off molly for the first time. Slowly getting back to the grind at work, getting into routines. Seeing all the same faces around town. Doing the same things again, eating the same foods. Logging onto Instagram and Facebook and seeing the classic highlights reel, which only further downed me after my own highlight reel holiday. I began to question.

It wasn't like I shape shifted into another being. It was still me, same guy, just on a different part of the map. Yet I felt so different. What was it that influenced my mentality on that part of the map that didn't influence my mentality on this part of the map? Obviously one can't expect the same responsibility free high of a holiday constantly, but lessons can certainly be learned from the mindset with which I approached life.

What I would later discover I had there which I didn't have back home was PRESENCE, ACCEPTANCE and OUTCOME INDEPENDENCE. Which are all closely linked.

Presence refers to the stability of mindfulness, which means the degree to which you are grounded in awareness itself.

Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as things are. It is a move away from self-deception, towards reality.

Outcome independence is having an unmoved state of mind regardless of the outcome of a particular situation.

Presence was me having nothing else cross my mind but the moment in front of me. No thoughts of my work back home or what friends or family could be up to. No thoughts on my social standing, if people liked me or not. I was immersed in my journey and every moment that encompassed it, the food, the smells, the tastes,the sights. It's a joyous way to experience life. Each and every moment comes alive, I felt alive. This oozed out into all aspects of my trip.

Outcome Independence was that I could chat to strangers because I didn't care what they thought, I could approach women at will because I knew there I'd never see them again. I could basically do whatever I wanted all day, as i knew there was no consequence.

At home it was so much harder because I was living my life in such a future outcome manner. What will this woman think of me if I see her again. What will happen if she rejects me, what will other people think of me, how will this effect my future? I was so focused on the end goal of getting a woman that I was putting so much pressure on the outcome of each process. Being outcome dependent is worrying how the present will affect your future.

Outcome Dependence is being heavily invested in the outcome of any particular scenario.

Acceptance was me seeing society/people as it was. I wasn't thinking how it should be. I was simply observing and experiencing what was in front of me. When I spoke to people I wasn't going in with hopes and expectations of how they would be or how the encounter would play out, I was simply accepting how it was. I was so detached from that world that I simply accepted it for what it was.

I set out trying to recreate that holiday mindset so that I could live with this mentality not just on my holiday break, but all the time.

On my search I discovered Meditation:

The process of quietening ones mind and bringing it's focus to the present. Essentially achieving a state of no mind. The purpose of meditation is to achieve a heightened state of awareness and inner calm by learning to have better control over ones thoughts.

I started out with 5 minutes and progressed gradually. Adding a little bit each day. Slowly but surely my busy mind became calmer. I became calmer, I felt less stress in my life. I felt more in control of my thoughts. My mind wandered less. Instead of chasing thoughts as they arose, I became more aware of them and could select the ones I desired to engage with. I had much better control over my mind.

Over time I felt this spilling over into all aspects of my life. Presence started to feature in my life. Slowly but surely I started to appreciate the little moments. My drive to work,listening to music, watching traffic, watching people in their cars, each of them playing their minuscule part in the grander rat race. I would look at the beautiful landscapes that I passed on the way there, beauty that I had previously been blind to. When I spoke to people I spoke to them like they were the only person in the world.

Outcome Independence featured too. When I saw a woman I found attractive I had no qualms approaching her and chatting with ease because my focus was no longer what this outcome could lead to in the future, but simply how I could extract the most from the experience now, in the present.

The kryptonite to both presence and outcome independence is a focus on the future, or how this outcome affects the future.

When you are present and outcome independent you are living in the realm of what is, not what could be or should be, simply what is. You don't waste endless energy on what you want or what your past or future holds. You're not worried about others opinions of you, those are simply attachments of the past or future. You can't control the past or future, so excess thought power used on it is energy wasted. You stop having expectations out of situations and simply experience them for how they are. Not what the outcome should be or could be in the future, simply what's present in that moment. With your mind present and outcome independent you are free to observe and appreciate the reality you have in front of you. This is Acceptance.

This is core to TRP. The entire crux of it is accepting female nature for what it is, and then further on from that accepting society for the way it is. Only once you accept things for how they are can you begin to enjoy them.

Being outcome independent, present and accepting of reality has a profound effect on your day to day living experience. You derive joy from small things. You are able to do things without excessive worry of how they turn out. Your suffering is greatly diminished by not having unmet expectations of how the world should be. Essentially you take control of your happiness.

I used to outsource my happiness to all sorts of factors:

If I make a little more money I will be happy.

If I get a new apartment my life will be better.

If I bang that girl I'll be complete

If I never achieved them I would complain and be upset however, whenever I achieved any of this the high was temporary. My mind would calibrate to my new surroundings fairly quickly and it would become my new baseline. My lifelong training of outsourcing happiness would kick in and I'd start searching for a different outcome that would now become my focus. This is a never ending loop that has no end and no true satisfaction. This was Outcome Dependence, lack of presence and lack of acceptance, I was living in the future.

I often get asked how do I reconcile outcome independence and presence with having any goals or achieving anything. (Acceptance they usually get)

In terms of presence it comes down to a fundamental misunderstanding of presence. Living for the present and presence are different concepts(altough they do have similarities).

Lets say you were driving from Amsterdam to Paris.

Presence is maintaining Paris as the destination while enjoying the journey with more awareness. The focus being on the process to get to the destination instead of only the destination.

Living for the the present is discarding the destination and stopping at a coffee shop/getting a hooker, essentially living entirely for maximizing the moment in front of you. This will ultimately affect any hopes or goals you have for the future.

In terms of outcome independence an individual might think they need not do anything, because if you are truly outcome independent then no matter what you do you will be happy right? This could be true for meditation masters who have devoted their entire lives to this philosophy, but for the majority of us we still have our biological drivers. No matter how much we try to transcend our biology, we still eat, we still sleep and we still have that craving to fuck a high quality mate. The more in line our lives are with our biology the happier we are. Outcome independence is not about not wanting anything, it's about not being phased by the outcomes of any individual scenario.

For example. If I want to Fuck a woman. Being outcome independent is about being unmoved by the individual scenarios it takes to get there and trusting that it will happen.(Because I've worked on my SMV,game,frame)

If I approach a woman and get rejected, I remain unmoved.

If I approach a woman and get accepted, I remain unmoved.

If we set up a date, I remain unmoved.

If the date falls through, I remain unmoved.

If I fuck her, I remain unmoved

If I don't fuck her, I remain unmoved

Outcome independence comes down to abundance. Abundance of everything. Abundance of woman. Abundance of ways to make money. Abundance of ways to live your life.

You can want a car, you can want a house, you can want to fuck Becky the attractive accountant that sits opposite you. Outcome independence is about not being a slave to the outcome of it because with an abundance mindset you are aware that there's an abundance of cars you'll like, an abundance of house you'll like and an abundance of women you'll like and even if you don't get those there's an abundance of other ways you could live your life that you will enjoy. You still choose where your life goes but you are also aware of it's capacity to change at any moment.

The mentality you adopt dictates the quality of the life you live.

  • Enjoy the process (presence)
  • Don't be attached to the outcome (outcome independence)
  • Accept life for how it is, not how you want it to be (acceptance)

I've been meditating for years now, and It's the single most important discovery of my life. The joys and benefits of it have spilt over into all aspects of my life. It helped me with stress, anxiety, game, frame, woman in general. It's as core to my daily routine as lifting. I spent so much time working my body, but for years neglected my mind, which in my opinion is a far more important muscle. Just as with lifting the results are not seen overnight, it takes tireless dedication for weeks, and then months and then years but at the end of the day if you can better control you mind, you can better control your life.

[–]johnpayne10 35 points36 points  (13 children)

Excellent post.

Mindset is about 90% of your success. Essentially, that is what holding frame is all about. You have to create your own reality and believe in it, even when confronted by other people's perceptions and ideologies. The more solid your reality is, the more aligned your thoughts and actions are, the less cognitive dissonance you suffer from.

And yes, meditation helps. I have always overlooked that factor...but now I am going to seriously try it out. Thanks for reminding me.

Being in the moment, feeling alive is almost exotic. I have felt that bliss very few times in my life. It would be awesome to live in a state like that forever.

Any tips on meditation? I usually try to just focus on breathing. But it starts to get boring. So I cannot do it for extended amounts of time.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 15 points16 points  (7 children)

The benefit of meditation will come in overcoming that feeling of boredom. The modern mind is programmed to be so distracted that doing nothing is so difficult. Focus on breathing is fine.

Start very small. Try 5 everyday minutes this week. 6 everyday next week. 7 the next etc

Small increments like this will allow your mind to slowly adapt. It's a long term project, the true benefits come months/years down the line.

[–]johnpayne10 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Ohk. Slow and steady gains

[–]swimminginblue 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Check out the app “ headspace “

[–]randomTATRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

+1 for headspace, at Day 5 I was feeling something bad (I can't remember what it was) but all of a sudden, I noticed that emotion and thought rationally about it and solved it. It was so frightening and magnificent at the same time.

[–]sky_fallen 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I just feel so angry whenever I start meditation. I want to break things or jump to the roof.

[–]1dongpal 1 point2 points  (1 child)

that means that your normal state is angry and you just override it with stuff like entertainment, social media etc. every day

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the pain body that eckhart tolle speaks of in the power of now. This is not you, its your mind. It is focusing on pain, and how to create more pain. Your being, your actual human being, is joyful and present in the moment. The pain body wishes, like a disease, to spread from mind to mind and make you identify with it by making you feel very angry or painful or sad. All you have to do during meditation is observe the pain body. Watch it. Nothing more is necessary. Just observe the pain body, and it naturally disappears. It cannot withstand the light of observation.

[–]Robster25 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Any tips on meditation? I usually try to just focus on breathing. But it starts to get boring. So I cannot do it for extended amounts of time.

That's the whole point of meditation. It quiets your mind. Usually you're having one thought after another, but by focusing on your breathing you can enjoy the silence. I usually experience my body when I meditate. Each tingling in the toes or fingers, arms and legs getting heavy and you are in a complete state of relaxation.

Try Michael Sealey, he has a soothing voice in my opinion:


[–]Liefskaap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I recommend trying out 'Headspace'. It's a great app for meditating.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do so much psychedelics that you have to meditate and be present just to stay sane. Just kidding. Just workout at the gym, and get your heart rate so amped that you have to meditate and breathe properly just to lift the weights. Then your mind and body naturally becomes programmed to meditate in times of stress.

[–]confusedguy911911 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Well written , I strive to become more like this although it’s exceptionally hard .The first thing I’ve done is remove myself from social media completely (Facebook ,Instagram etc) since most of those platforms are to stroke ones ego.They were developed to have our little narcissistic sides flourish , and a mainstay to the problems most have when it comes to living in the moment.Everyone and everything is designed today to either live in the past or think in the future (based off BS unattainable dreams that change faster than the weather) .

If I may , to sum up your well written post above , live for right now .Enjoy everything including the small things which most over look .The most important aspect, stop giving a fuck about what people will think of you as you live this way.I fore one find sex is better ,food tastes better and being in places you’ve never been doing things you’ve never done seems better .( that’s when I’m capable of getting into this mode ,which I assume comes with practice ). Most people give up so quickly on doing what they really want to do in the moment based off of laziness or most importantly because they can’t show it off as they would like so it’s not worth doing anymore .Just this past weekend I was driving up north with a woman I’m seeing, we found these rapids way down half a mountain .I said to myself , I wanna go there tonight and swim ,enjoy the night sky and think of nothing.Well I got my ass in the truck drove there ,climbed down the mountain and did just that.The most refreshing part about it? I didn’t bring my phone ,didn’t take pictures to show it off, I just did it for me and when I want to relive it,I’ll tap into that long lost tool humans used to use called my memory instead of an Instagram page.Too many people today will do things or buy things to show (convince) everyone how special and great their lives are , all the while anti-depressant/anxiety prescriptions are at an all time high .

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

(Facebook ,Instagram etc) since most of those platforms are to stroke ones ego

Exactly. They're also escapes/distractions from our present moment.

Enjoy everything including the small things

Can't stress this enough. Joy can be found in so many places. The next tasty meal. A walk outside. Too often we are waiting for significant events. Yet with awareness, there's joy to be found all around us.

didn’t take pictures to show it off,

We do this because we feel good in that moment, so we want to hold onto it, yet in reality it detracts from the experience in front of us and with the rise in social media we're more concerned with the life people think we're living than the life we're actually living.

Our virtual persona often comes at the cost of our real one.

When I travel I take almost no pictures. Not because i set out not to, because I am so immersed in my experience it doesn't even cross my mind to.

[–]DeGENZerate 7 points8 points  (1 child)

For all you college fuckboys in training here is some advice from a young alpha male. Before you go to school, drive to another campus that is on the way or nearby and day game like you are in another country. You get a whole nuther pool of pussy you can use for holes and/or all your degenerate partying needs at your school.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Gaming woman without the supposed consequences, certainly an option if you want to practice an outcome independent mentality.

[–]DropDeadTyrant 10 points11 points  (0 children)

One of my goals this summer was to practice mindfulness. I read a bunch of TRP posts and being mindful was a recurring theme. After a long summer, I can't even think at this point. I used to fantasize all the time. I had a whole world of plots that I'd think about. If I wasn't thinking about this world, I was fantasizing about having girls. 10th grade year ended and the fantasies were over. But, I kept trying to force myself to keep them going. This summer, I completely dropped them. Now, I cannot tell if it's a good or bad thing.

Since dropping these fantasies, I've begun to twitch when I walk. I sway back and forth when I talk to people. I bounce my leg and spasm when I sit. I look like a crackhead. Internally, I want them back. But, I realize I don't need them and that they aren't good. I now have to get my body in check. I've got to be comfortable without my fantasies and without daydreaming. I have to thank the people like you who constantly write about the importance of a stable mind. I see what It can feel like. I see how beneficial it can be. I just need to get there. Thanks trp.

[–]bulletproof0616 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This needs to be in the fucking sidebar. Amazing post OP, much needed.

[–]CensorThis111 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This made me cry, fam. Just a beautiful bit of writing I am sure it will help many.

Keep earning and sharing your wisdom :)

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, glad you enjoyed it!

[–]Vic336 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've been meditating for about 5 months now and it's the best thing I've added to my life in a long time. First couple months it felt like it was a short term help but now I'm starting to see the long term benefits of it. My brain literally becomes present when I become distracted. I don't know how to explain it but I'll just realize "i'm distracted" then bring myself to the present moment. My social anxiety (it wasn't bad but i had intermittent moments of it) has basically disappeared, i'm more assertive, and just happier overall with how I feel in whatever situation.

[–]ch_da_guru13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shoutout to the real Alpha Buddha, this man right here.

[–]MartinTyler45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I felt exact same experience and feeling when I came home from holiday. I saw that I approached life very different in vacation. I wished if I had same approach to life in home. Solid post, man. Thanks a lot.

[–]360NoSnooper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this post, we all need this reminder from time to time, to remind us to just live. Really inspiring, quality shit, thanks again mate.

[–]RPill_Clinton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I needed this, thank you. I began meditation practices a few years ago but I didn't follow through. Everything you just explained, explains almost all my problems in the social aspect of my life. I look at a girl and think "I want to fuck her" and the whole moment is weird and awkward because of my lack of presence.

[–]Antemirrorsious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post. Thanks a lot!

[–]jozefiak0308 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The “Presence” idea of this made me think of a party I attended last Friday. I had a girl literally tell me how she came up to me because of the way I spoke to people; she noticed that I “seemed immersed in the conversations I was having with everyone” (I think this was due to not being nervous, eye contact, and genuine enthusiasm). Girls want to talk to men who excite them- can’t do that if your mind can only process her D cups.

Great post OP.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Woman like to feel good therefore a person who is happy, vibrant and gives off good energy is attractive. They want to be apart of it.

Thanks man.

[–]CanadianBurritos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this post. You have a way with words, left me wanting to read more.

[–]ToryTosh1922 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post. I'm going to work on applying your lessons of presence, acceptance and outcome independence into my life more

[–]brownknight01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is such an amazing post that I actually saved it. I wish I had friends or mentor like that in my life.

[–]NormalAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing post.

It took me back to the first day I arrived in Bangkok. Couldn't read or understand a word. It was bewildering.

But boy, what a payoff for a little persistence! As anyone who has been to Thailand will tell you. It's incredible for men.

(Oh I even discovered meditation too...)

[–]Spets87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the best posts here. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Obviously one can't expect the same responsibility free high of a holiday constantly."

People often ask me, "Oh, how long are you in town for??" Like they think im a traveler or something.

I live here. This is my hometown. I just don't give a fuck, and i always normally act like I'm on holidays.

[–]HappinessIsYourDuty 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What's the optimum time of meditation per day? Which is better in your opinion:
a) 1x 20 min. in the morning
b) 1x 10 min. in the morning + 1x 10 min. in the evening

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on how busy your lifestyle is, the more you do the more the benefits. An hour and you will see drastic noticeable changes.

Single longer sessions have more benefit as you're stilling the mind for longer in a single session. But once again, work around your schedule.

I split mine due to time constraints though.