Building PowerMaladaptive Daydreaming - The root cause of mental masturbation and misery (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Appex1

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) characterizes individuals who engage in vivid, fanciful daydreaming for hours on end, neglecting real-life relationships and responsibilities, resulting in clinical distress and functional impairment. Sufferers have embraced the term MD in cyber-communities devoted to this problem because it seemed to uniquely fit their experience and since existing diagnostic labels and their therapies seemed inadequate.

- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5962718/

For the most of my life I've been a maladaptive daydreamer without even knowing it. Starting at the age of 7, I slowly adapted daydreaming as a way of escaping the miserable present moment. I was the weird autistic kid in class that nobody really liked. I was mostly standing by the wall watching the other kids play and I hated my life, mostly because I didn't fit in and was made fun of for the most of my life. I quickly used my own fantasy and imagination to escape into my own imaginary world. There I could do whatever I wanted. I could be one of the superheroes from my favorite movies and save that little girl, who has been abducted by the evil forces. I could be an astronaut and travel through the solar system, discover new species and become famous. However, it was all happening in my own mind.

It started off slowly and as I found it more and more satisfying to daydream, the time I spent doing it gradually increased. Several times my teacher told my parents about my daydreaming and inactivity in class. Often I was put in the front row so I could be more active, but often I would slip into my daydreams anyway. It was my drug, a quite satisfying one, always available and with unlimited use. As the years went by, the severity of my daydreaming increased. When I just started daydreaming, it was maybe 1-2 hours a day. When I got older and hit puberty, I could easily daydream for 8 hours a day without even realizing it and that's when it became maladaptive. Those hours were basically dead hours. What did I seriously gain from daydreaming? Nothing useful, except for becoming better at daydreaming. I probably already hit the golden 10,000 hours a long time ago, and I was a master at it. If I could make money from my it, I would've become a millionaire a long time ago.

When I was 12 and discovered the wonders of masturbation and porn, I implemented it to my MD. Watching my favorite porn stars while jerking off, I could easily imagine how I was the one banging those hotties. When being alone, I could easily imagine having fun conversations with Chads, gaming hot girls and being a rock star. I did play some guitar, but my level was nowhere near that of my favorite guitarists. I had no problem having no real-life friends as I could always make some up in my mind. I even started smoking and drinking by myself at 16 as I did whatever I could to get my dopamine hits because they helped me escape the present moment. Luckily I didn't discover hard drugs as I surely would've abused them, and I would end up being a drug addict.

When I turned 17, I realized I was standing at the crossroads. I could easily spend all my waking hours daydreaming. I knew I had mental problems and went to the psychiatrist only to be told I had a depression. I thought I was schizophrenic, but because I could distinguish between reality and fantasy, he rejected that. I wasn't only depressed, I was dysfunctional, and I had no idea why. My BP self thought that once I fall in love with the girl of my life, everything will fall into place, and I will become sane again. My MD was such an integrated part of me that I had no idea it even existed. I felt helpless in a world where not even a psychiatrist could give me an answer for my mental state. I was convinced I had no place in this world and that I had to end it. I would often daydream of ending my life instead of actually doing it. This is where the thing that caused my misery actually saved me from committing suicide.

The age of 19 was my year of transformation. This is where I discovered NoFap and slowly began to purify my mind from years of porn abuse. I then read about the science of neurochemicals like dopamine and serotonine and decided to identify and limit all artificial pleasure, like porn, white sugar, tobacco and social media. Later I discovered TRP and slowly began to see the world for what it really is and saw the importance of having a healthy and fit body. And I lost my virginity that throughout my life got heavier and heavier to carry around. I also started practicing the guitar like crazy to compensate for all those years that I've missed out on achieving my goal of becoming a great guitarist. I suddenly discovered that when I really put my mind to something, like when I go to the gym or practice the guitar, I somehow get a feeling of being alive. A feeling that I've forgotten all about because I rarely felt it for the most of my life.

It was the moment I discovered I've been living in a daydream all this time. I then researched the consequences of excessive daydreaming and discovered the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming". It was when I found the answer to all my problems since childhood. It has all been because I was trying to escape the present moment because it was miserable, which then escalated to living a very hedonistic lifestyle with harmful pleasures like porn and cigarettes. It was like the domino-effect; one addiction triggered the other and suddenly I was addicted to various stuff. But as my body slowly got more muscular, increasing my SMV, and I finally got good at playing the guitar, my peers who once looked down on me and disrespected me, suddenly became more submissive and started looking up to me. Now the biggest thing that helped me was meditation. It helped me living in the present moment like nothing else. At first I couldn't keep my mind still, but with more and more practice, it became easy for me. Remember: "practice makes perfect."

All it took was 6 months to go from being a mentally unstable waste of oxygen to becoming a worthy male.

That was my story of living with MD the most of my life. How I wish I had somebody show me this before.

Now after reading my personal story of living with MD, some of you may reckon having some of these issues yourself if you haven't already before reading this post. You might have read the sidebar a thousand times and daydreamed of getting swole and approaching model-tier girls, but never actually done it. You might be stuck in your childhood dream, but never actualizing it. Your MD might not be as severe as it was with me, but it could suddenly get out of hand if it's not identified and treated correctly. So here I will point out the ways I got my MD under control:

  • Live in the moment: Most sufferers from MD use daydreaming as a coping mechanism to escape the present moment. Meditation is often the solution for most mental disorders, however, the pharmaceutical companies can't profit from it, so it isn't being promoted enough, but so many people have benefited from it like nothing else. If you've never meditated before, sit or lie down comfortably and focus on your breathing for 15-20 minutes. Do it every morning and every evening. You may not experience any benefits at all in the first couple of days or weeks, but with consistent practice, you will suddenly discover a much more present and peaceful mind.
  • Make your life more fulfilling: Like mentioned above, if your life isn't fulfilling, you may want to escape it. If you work a job you don't like, surround yourself with people you hate and generally live a life that isn't fulfilling your criteria for the life you want to live, then make a change. Generally as people start lifting and generally raising their SMV, they start to feel better about themselves and that can be a basis for making your life more fulfilling.
  • Identify the triggers for MD: Find out what triggers your daydreams. For me it was music and movies. Whenever I listened to a song I liked, I would imagine myself to be the singer or guitarist standing on a stage. Or when I watched movies like James Bond, I would constantly see myself as being him and apply it to dreaming about real life situations with people I know. When I first read the sidebar, I couldn't do it without imagining myself gaming HB10's instead of reading for the actual information. For a couple of days, I tried to live completely without any media or anything that could trigger my MD and as hard as it was, I felt much more at peace and forced myself to live in the present moment and got hold of my daydreaming.
  • Do reality checks: I started doing reality checks when I wanted to learn lucid dreaming, but I realized I could use it to snap out of my daydreams. Whenever I reminded myself, I would lightly clap my hands for checking if it's reality I'm living in or if I'm dreaming. It can be whatever you want, like whenever you drink a glass of water or whenever you hear a particular sound, use that to remind yourself to get back to the present moment.
  • Allow yourself to daydream all you want for a specific amount of time: If you've been a maladaptive daydreamer for a long time, it will probably be impossible for you to let go of it immediately. Allow yourself 1-2 hours(depending on the severity of your MD) a day of daydreaming at specific times. And as you get more hold of it, you will gradually decrease it. It will allow your brain to gradually decrease the amount of time of daydreaming.

I know that much more people have MD than you might think. From the conversations I sometimes have with my friends, I easily concluded that they more or less were suffering from it. Somebody told me how he often daydreams that he and a bunch of girls get attacked by some strangers, and suddenly lying in a pool of blood, he rises and beats up all those who attacked them, becoming the hero. I concluded it was MD because of the times he told me that, while being a big fan of movies with Bruce Willis, yet having nothing going on in his life. The perfect combination for becoming a maladaptive daydreamer.

Remember time is the most precious resource an individual has. If one spends all time in his own thoughts, he won't progress in life and will only get older as time passes by. I didn't even realize I was wasting my youth on daydreaming before I actually discovered I was doing it. If you discover any traits of MD in yourself, use my guidelines and stop being mediocre. You have so much more potential in you than you might realize now.

[–]therymancruise 111 points112 points  (10 children)

I'm trying to cut down on imaginary conversations - with exes, people who hurt me, people I haven't seen in awhile, etc. I catch myself having the same imaginary conversation over and over, day after day. Going to start using the "reality check" I use after astral projection to pull myself out of it.

Good post, thank you.

[–]OfficerWade 19 points20 points  (7 children)

Imagine these conversations aren’t with people but with your self, observing yourself. If you can remember a time when you weren’t judgmental and you see yourself judging yourself , it helpful to separate between the two. The real world and fantasy.

[–]Wabbajak 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Something that was posted here some time ago which is very relevant as well as useful:

This kind of thing doesn't get talked about enough.

I think we're all guilty of spending too much time in that head space, because any time spent at all there is too much. I occasionally find myself talking to myself on the drive home, imagining elucidating other people with fundamental truths and RP principles that I've internalized, and which have improved my life. Then I realize that:

A) Whatever energy I'm spending in that mode of thinking is wasted. I'm not actually changing or accomplishing anything. The mental horsepower I'm funneling into that is not getting used on more purposeful endeavors.

B) Those are never conversations I would actually have. Talking to people about TRP is fucking pointless and self-effacing, because no matter how rational and correct you are, it makes you look bitter about women, which is wholesale unattractive. The nature of the beast is that in order for it to work, you have to discover it on your own, and draw your own conclusions.

Introspection and self-evaluation is a good thing. But every once in a while, each of our brains needs a gentle reminder to just shut the fuck up.

[–]Westernhagen 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What "more purposeful endeavor" could he do on the drive home? Driving is when I do all my daydreaming; little else to do.

What he is doing with those imaginary conversations is clarifying RP truths TO HIMSELF. This is actually useful!

[–]Wabbajak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The keyword is moderation. If daydreaming on your drive home is your only form of daydreaming, then it most likely is a useful thing to articulate thought and concepts.

However, if you spend several hours a day daydreaming and realize it doesn't help you at all, you better use your time in a more productive manner. Instead of wasting energy imagining discussions that would never happen that way and getting emotionally invested, you could, for instance, imagine the ideal version of yourself, asking "What would the best version of myself be like?".

[–]Endorsed ContributorWe_Are_Legion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mindfulness is always superior to being run by the egoic mind.

[–]therymancruise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Update, since you posted this I've been able to "talk myself down" from endlessly looping conversations using your advice.

Example: I just caught myself in yet another angry monologue at someone who hurt me, verbally destroying her with perfectly chosen and well-rehearsed phrases. I stopped and thought of u/officerwade. "Why am I having this conversation with myself? I'm judging myself for the life I have now. I feel sorry for myself and I blame her for how I have to live. But I don't have to do that. I let her hurt me. I made my choices.i chose to be here."

And just like that, the imaginary conversation went away.

[–]therymancruise 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You just blew this whole thing wide open 0.0

[–]BostonPillParty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ever heard of the song “Shutterbug” by Big Boi?

It’s a funky track but there is a part when the music stops and singers sing “bring him back to life, back to reality”

I am finding myself singing that part or playing it in my head when I catch myself drifting.

[–]555WeWolf 51 points52 points  (4 children)

I found out about this term about a month ago and was glad that i wasn't alone in this, that i wasn't some kind of lunatic. I find myself a lot of times just laying in bed dreaming of a perfect life that i want to have, or in some cases some sci fi bullshit.

I also noticed a weird way how daydreaming almost directly affected my experiences sometimes. When i have an event coming up, like a vacation lets say for instance, or just even a party, i often times daydream how everything will go the way i want how i will have a great time, often times this includes me being a badass of some sorts. And while yes i am aware that things can not go exactly like i daydream the whole event just sort of goes either "meh" or simply bad for me. On the other hand, for instance just a few days ago I went to hang out with a few friends in a house just outside of town which I decided to go last second because i wasn't sure whether i was able to go, hence it didn't dawn to me to daydream about it. The result was me having simply a great time, at rare times even being the life of the party.

So i wonder has anyone else had this kind of experience?

[–]Appex1[S] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I have. I feel like when I want things to go a certain way beforehand. Like if I'm going to an event and want to game some chicks, I always end up disappointed and never have a good time. However, if I go to an event where I simply DGAF, everything turns out well. I got my first blowjob when I went to a little outdoor party and suddenly started talking to a girl without any intention. But that escalated and she sucked my dick.

I think the Law of Attraction is the biggest blue pill ever.

It's what I don't want I attract, and vice versa.

[–]555WeWolf 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Exactly, everyone talks about the law of attraction, how like attracts like and so on, yet every time i try to "attract" something by visualizing it i feel like i'm pushing it further away.

[–]LamborghiniHigh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"The Secret" has been neatly corrupted and packaged for middle aged moms to be sold an excuse to daydream about vacationing in Cancun. Read "The Alchemist" if you want to know what is meant by the secret. Or "Think and Grow Rich". Or "The Power of Now". It is mind blowing how this is pretty much what every 'self help' book comes down to it once you recognize it. "The New Psychocybernetics", Tony Robbin's stuff, heck, even a lot of game material...

[–]ArchetypicalDegen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think women are insanely good at intuiting what your intentions are. When you're specifically going out looking for women, they can tell. Most women don't like the idea that you're only talking to them to enter their pussy. They also hate the idea that you basically only want them because of proximity, you two happened to be in the same place at the same time.

I truly think it's best not to actively seek out women. Just live your life for the sake of living your life, meet people because they can be interesting, and then only actively pursue women when you notice something click.

[–]geo_gan 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Walter Mitty. A person, generally quite ordinary or ineffectual, who indulges in fantastic daydreams of personal triumphs. For example, He's a Walter Mitty about riding in a rodeo but is actually afraid of horses.

[–]RedPlanetMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Maybe you already have, check out Like Stories of Old on youtube, awesome channel with a specific video on Walter Mitty and maladaptive daydreaming.

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj5XR32zs7E

[–]DropDeadTyrant 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I used to do this. Now, I can't keep my mind focused enough to do it. All of my fantasies have just stopped. Even if I want to think about one, the plots have all ended, there's nothing left to imagine. All the characters I used to dream of, embodiments of the things I wanted to be, all reached the highest point of character development. They've all reached perfection and I haven't. So, I guess my mind shut them off. Now, when I do daydream, it's only when I get stressed. I miss them, but I don't miss them. I want them back, but I don't need them back. It really sucks.

[–]ethansight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, thats kinda the exact state my old fantasies are at. I've always felt kinda bad for dropping them but yeah... Maybe it is best to leave them as happy memories and have a kick-ass real world instead.

[–]LamborghiniHigh 31 points32 points  (14 children)

Check out the book "The Power of Now". He essentially argues that all suffering in this world is from not accepting the present moment (the Now) and instead thinking about what already happened or what could happen. This post is basically a more concise version of the practical (read: non-spiritual) parts of the book, but the book has many great observations as well and has helped millions.

[–]Appex1[S] 22 points23 points  (9 children)

I cannot recommend Eckhard Tolle's book "The Power of Now" enough. It should be read by every human being in this world with respect for themselves.

[–][deleted]  (8 children)


    [–]sorryforthelifestory 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    for some people that is the best choice they can make. some people are just naturally not going to be attractive to women and one doesn’t need women to have a fulfilling life.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)


      [–]NikGrd 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      you are focused way too much on women and material things to understand this. The two examples you gave are not fitting at all. Its more like this - This woman i approached does not seem to want to fuck, I feel bad. Wait a minute, I did my part, I do not need her to validate me, because I do this for myself and to be honest the conversation is nice, she seems cool. Oh and the sky is very pretty today, what a time to be alive and talking to a beautiful woman.

      [–]FindTheBus 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      You're just stupid and should consider a toaster bath

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]Gruss_p 5 points6 points  (2 children)

        I actually recommend his videos more then his books. It's just seeing this guy in person that makes the whole thing so cool.

        [–]LamborghiniHigh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Interesting. Never knew he had videos. I'll check them out.

        [–]KrakaLakak -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

        Check out the book "The Power of Now". He essentially argues that all suffering in this world is from not accepting the present moment (the Now) and instead thinking about what already happened or what could happen.

        Lol, the irony, read a book to mentally masturbate about how people mentally masturbate.

        Dude i bet the author is a fucking troll lmao.

        [–]1SexdictatorLucifer 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        Very interesting. I had intense daydreaming in grade school. Luckily I slowly grew out it, but not completely. I think there is a right balance, as with most things. Daydreaming is a sure sign of creativity. Someone with this disorder must be extremely creative. I wouldnt try to rid yourself of it completely, however, I would make the daydreams realistic.

        This is how mine are nowadays. A version of me that I am not far from reaching, doing things that I could be actually capable of doing in the near future. Almost like practicing for the game so when the time comes you feel like you've already done it before. I always play out scenarios and conversations in my head. You have a gift. Plenty of guys grind it out day in day out but do not have the creativity to imagine the big picture and potential paths which leads to a lot of misallocation of effort. You have a gift, use it as effectively as possible.

        [–]MrIncreible10 9 points10 points  (1 child)

        I've just come to realize how I've been daydreaming too long. I started drastically daydreaming about having a perfect relationship, the dates we would have, the laughs with this girl, the events we would go together, how we would marry, etc. You name it. This of course was my oneitis just fooling my mind.

        Besides this, a close friend of mine, which I considered my brother, happened to betray me. It really affected me, because I counted on him like a brother (oneitis of best friend probably?) Well, I also made the mistake of not making enough friends and saw myself alone amd daydreaming of the past when I had a lot of fun friends and the

        As you said, I think I confused depression with daydreaming.

        [–]Appex1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Learn to live in the moment, my friend.

        [–]saransh661 7 points8 points  (4 children)

        Let me tell you a bitter truth brothers, maybe you'll not want to accept it, you might protest it, self-justify yourself even, but this is exactly what you refer to as the hamster mind of women, YOU HAVE IT TOO!!

        And it's not correlated to a specific gender but rather to a shitty stagnating lifestyle, it's just that majority of women live that lifestyle.

        " In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least" ~Rollo

        All of this translates to one thing, don't focus on women, focus on your art, immerse yourself, you'll hamster less, you'll need them less. You'll become powerful.

        [–]GuruDev1000 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        Not so simple. There are enough people who are lost in their art who die virgins. They create world-changing work (even have companies named after them), no doubt, but they die virgins.

        Meditation and the art of understanding our intentions goes further than just immersion in non-female stuff.

        [–]saransh661 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Immersing yourself in your craft is the meditation, there's nothing wrong with dying virgin as far as they are doing so by their own choice. There are much higher priorities in the world than mere fixating your self-image with virginity and such strong-willed individuals have my respect.

        One might base their judgment of success with procreation but even beggars have bloodlines, are they more successful than a Tesla? I think not.

        And remember still, most of them were highly popular individuals of their times, who died unmarried, not necessarily virgins. And here's a thought for continuum, isn't that many of us here are practicing as well? Not getting married?

        [–]GuruDev1000 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        There's a absolutely nothing wrong with dying a virgin, if you were too busy with greater missions. But one shouldn't be on TRP if that's what they want, obviously

        So, I assume that you mentioned immersion in the craft as something that will naturally being women into your life. That's the bit I take issue with.

        [–]saransh661 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        No, I did not mention anything like that and that's an even bigger issue you need to cope with.

        [–]TonyJobs 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        I've been on this sub for a little over a year now, never posted but just observing and reading.

        This is the first time I'm making a post here and it's because I've never read a post before that has instantly connected with me like your has. Thank you so much for bringing this condition into the spotlight, I've never thought that there would be a proper explanation for the lunacy the occurs every day in my mind.

        [–]3LiveAFTSOV 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        Keep posting. I liked the idea. Good tips.

        [–]explorer000 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        Never had come across a more insightful post. By the way, is it MP or MD?

        [–]Appex1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        It's MD, I've corrected it.

        [–]Gruss_p 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Daydreaming about pointless situations and scenes is desctructive. But please don't confuse this kind of daydreaming with thinking about your mission (which is important). Like Eric Thomas said: "I want your dream to be so clear, so vivid, that when you wake up in the morning, all you gotta do is step in your dream!"

        [–]ToryTosh1922 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Holy shit. Story of my life bro. Glad we're making progress towards rectifying it

        [–]rationalmillenial 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Awesome post. I do think some daydreaming can be good for inspiration, however too much of anything is unhealthy. I used to fantasize about playing guitar like Hendrix. Now I catch myself doing it and get "back to the lab" instead. Keep working. Make your daydream your reality.

        [–]_quote 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Damn, that sounds like a bitch to deal with. Masturbation, daydreaming, eating disorders, skin picking, cutting, and other similar addictions must be way worse than drug addiction. With drugs, just don't take them. It's as simple as that. With masturbation and daydreaming it's like you're battling against your own body. I'm really glad I can just rub one out once in a while and it's not like a huge problem for me.

        [–]SoulRedemption 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        This post hits home. I'm guilty of this more than I'd like to admit. Good post.

        [–]Theguygotgame777 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        This describes me far too well. All of a sudden I'm thinking of the time spent outside just swinging a stick around dreaming up stories without actually writing them, or listening to music I imagined music videos for.

        I've worked hard on avoiding porn, my grades don't suffer and I work out three times a week, but this could've held me back from success my whole life. Thank you so much for telling me this.

        [–]bizquick88 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        The music video thing is actually very interesting. I have done that exact thing (and still do) to this day, but now I'm trying to re-direct that attention into actually making music videos... so it's only unhealthy if you don't ever act on your fantasies. Basically this condition has shaped my career and who I am.

        [–]Black_Orchid14 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        This is one of the most profound post i've read on TRP, enough for me to make my first comment on my up till this point 'anon' account. Let me start by saying; I've been a solid maladaptive daydreamer for the past 13/15 years to the point where i'm actually impressed with the detailed scenarios i'm able to conjure on demand. Whilst my MD steamed from depression, I now recognise my blue pilled self amplified the intensity of scenarios where in my dreams I was able to become chad. My former self was oblivious to my beta brain, it's only now I after finding NoFap and TRP i've slowly started to pull myself out of the abyss i've dug myself in. Here's some advice from a recovering Maladaptive daydreamer: The first thing and most important thing you must realise is;

        Frame of mind is everything. Period. You must develop a mental mindset where you are actively working towards regaining a conscious presence in reality as well as a willingness to better yourself. Willpower plays a huge role in your ability to stop dreaming. If you catch yourself daydreaming, will yourself to and slowly ground yourself by choosing 10 things in your current environment; a sound, a scent, a feel, a sight. This is an awareness exercise I find helps and which leads my to my next point...

        The mind is a muscle. Muscles can be trained. One important thing I learnt from NoFap is the brains reward center and it's neuroplasticity. If you've been a long time dreamer like me, you would find MD'ing is rewarding to the brain. You need to train the brain by cutting down on MD'ing to the point where dreaming is no longer pleasurable. You can do this with self awareness techniques or primarily Meditation. I would advise you to not become too dependant on meditation apps or your 'go to' place to meditate. I meditate in a different environment as often as I can; Home, work, in a park, on the train. As I want to be able to meditate at a moments notice in case on emergency. The purpose of training the brain is to have control over your thoughts. Even if we are no longer depressed we dream out of habit. Change your habit and your brain will heal itself.

        Recognise your reoccurring Themes. You will catch yourself dreaming from time to time, after you've grounded yourself, try and reflect what the theme of your dream of your dream was. Financial (vast wealth), vanity (fame), Emotive (wishful romantic relationships). These are usually the pain we're trying to avoid or areas in our life we'd like to be improved Its easier said than done but once the theme has been recognised work on improving it in the real world.

        Do be aware that a Maladaptive dreamer has no concept of time. Stay head strong. One reason for my slow recovery what because of my inability to gather enough willpower to stop MD'ing even after i've caught myself doing so. I would tell myself 5 more minuets, 10 more minuets...and before you know it, hours have gone by. Do not lie to yourself it's the worst thing you can do. If you catch yourself dreaming, ground yourself. As you can see some of my points are similar if not the same as OP just worded and stressed differently. Try some of the points for at least 2 weeks and you should notice a difference. Trust me when I say reality is so much better than dreams.

        I would also recommend a website that helped me recover by becoming more aware of what maladaptive daydreaming is; http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/yes-you-can-cure-yourself-from-maladaptive-daydreaming

        Good Luck.

        TL;DR: Maladaptive dreamer for 15 years. Train the mind into cutting down and eventually stopping through grounding techniques, medation and self awareness.

        [–]Appex1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yes. A good thing you mentioned there was neuroplasticity. Whatever your brain is wired to do, it's mostly because of your habits that you made it do, especially if it quickly alters the reward-system. Be it porn, MD, drugs. For years "psychiatrists" thought that one's brain operates how it was born, but it's only in recent years that it has been discovered that the brain is like clay. It might be hard and dry, but once you put water on it, it becomes soft and muddy, so you can shape it the way you want it to.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]echoedfart14 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Great post and I too have been daydreaming for a long time. But I’ve tamed mine to work only at the gym. While I’m doing cardio I can just leave my body on auto pilot and keep going.

        Now you did see a professional about this. Should I try to let it go all together? Do you think it could be useful to be able to tune out when you want?

        [–]Appex1[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        First of all, the professional misdiagnosed me with depression. I found out what MP was by myself. Make sure that whatever you're doing, do and focus only on that. If you're doing cardio, focus on your body and your moving parts instead of having your mind somewhere else.

        [–]ApeMan2016 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I love your post, I was not aware of this condition, and now I'm pretty sure I have symptoms of this as well. Thanks! However, I do have to disagree with you on this point, it helps me in the gym as well as with other stuff that needs to be done but doesn't require my full mental attention. I think that these abilities to lose oneself in daydreams may have evolved because they have some benefits (visualize dreams/goals for example). But like all of our evolved emotions/functions/behaviors, they can become pathological if we lose control over them.

        [–]AwkwardEmpath 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        I can relate to this in my own way. I can sleep 12-14 hours a day sometimes. My favorite thing about sleeping this much is aftert I've had about 10 hours of sleep I can easily enter REM and have really vivid dreams. It's one of my favorite ways to escape. Thanks for the insightful post.

        [–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        my ex did this. she was like a hobbyist dreamer.

        [–]NotebookAnswer 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Great post, I also suffered from this or perhaps still suffer. Meditation is so useful. What do you use? Headspace? And how do you meditate? Sit on a chair or on the floor lotus position?

        [–]Appex1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Either I lay on my bed or sit in a chair. I can't force myself into a lotus position. I started off with Headspace.

        [–]NotebookAnswer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        So how do you meditate now?

        [–]bizquick88 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        I actually think I have a physical dependency on it. Pretty much every night before I go to sleep, I fantasize myself into some place I'd rather be in... cuddling with a oneitis or what have you. I read in "The Charisma Myth" you can actually flood your brain with oxytocin to stop a panic attack, and you can do it through visualization. I think I'm addicted to the oxytocin from these fantasies and basically need it to fall asleep now.

        [–]positivecrystal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        holy shit....this is something i just realized i do but must really think about !

        [–]flashcash12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I think a lot of guys suffer from this because we are never truly fulfilled in life. All throughout high school, I constantly daydreamed about how I was going to be this jacked stud who everyone liked and got all the girls. Reality was I was a 130 lb weakling who struggled heavily with girls and was teased by my guy friends a lot despite being popular. By sophomore year of college I was that jacked stud who got with a lot of girls and every guy respected. During that time I moved into constantly daydreaming about how I was going to break into investment banking and dominate that profession. Spent this past summer interning at a top BB in NY only to hate my life and working 110+ hrs every week. Spent a lot of time at work daydreaming about becoming a rock star and kicking ass on stage like Bono or becoming a global real estate icon like Trump.

        I’ve known I had this problem for years but reading this article and experiencing an extremely traumatic incident on Wednesday really opened my eyes these last couple days. Despite accomplishing my goals I was constantly looking in the past or future and not living in the present. I’m still unfulfilled in my life despite the fact it looks great on the outside. One year left of college, time to do lots of soul searching before true adulthood. Good to know I’m not the only so called “freak” who has this.

        [–]ELEPHANTIUSCOCKIUS 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        Good post. Maladaptive daydreaming is an odd thing. Everyone’s mind works differently, but there’s a lot of similarities. I “have” adhd and so a lot of the time during menial work I’ll live in my head. My mind is constantly racing so it has to keep itself busy. The issues with this is it takes me out of the present and this can be problematic in situations where you need to be. Social situations, learning, work situations can all suffer.

        So I try and limit my music listening throughout the day and instead listen to podcasts, the mind can’t wonder. And when you working for 14 hours that’s slot of time. Another thing is if I am going into my head, I’ll try and be productive with my daydreaming. Think about issues and mull over topics. I’ll kind of interview myself about hard personal questions.

        I’m sort of repeating some of what you said but this has just been some of my experiences.

        [–]Appex1[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Not to sound smarter than a psychiatrist, but I don't believe your mind has to keep itself busy because it's racing. I think it's racing because it's busy all the time. I think meditation would be ideal for you.

        [–]ELEPHANTIUSCOCKIUS 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Alright this is gonna come off kinda rude and I realize your trying to be helpful, but your first sentence your not actually saying anything. Writing the same sentence out twice but flipping a couple words around doesn’t come across as profound. I think I understand what your trying to say, but it’s basically the same as what I said. I have a lot of mental energy (more than others, I don’t know cause I’ve never lived in anyone else’s mind) but with this energy comes problems. Laser focus and the scrambled need for focus. So my mind needs something to focus on (be busy) because without it, it scrambles around (racing).

        But yes meditation is very helpful. There’s a lot to be learned from it, I have difficulties keeping my routine down but practice fairly often.

        [–]FindTheBus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        A lot of people come to TRP, see that most of the content here is people writing long, puffed up, "i want to be a life coach charging people $1000 for sessions so i'm going to start my new career building a readership" posts, and assume that's what they are supposed to do.

        So then the new people write posts that are even worse quality than the shit before, because they think that's what TRP is for. Writing long, puffed up, not really saying much posts, full of pseudobabble.

        [–]kaazsssz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I have been aware for a while that I live in my head sometimes. I do a little day dream fantasizing I suppose. But the majority of my mind is focused on things like politics, science, or philosophy. I can think all day it seems about the topics that interest me. I spend a lot of time learning stuff as well.

        But I know that it’s not very useful. I think I’ve started using it to help me though. I always have a topic in mind to talk about and when I meet girls I just say anything that I was thinking and I always get a good response. Women seem to like randomness.

        It detracts from my life though. I do waste time thinking about shit that I don’t really need to. But I also really love to philosophize and shit lol. Like I really love it and I have so many theories and ideas.

        But you said you limit the day dreaming to a specific time. So that seems like a good plan to me. Damn it’s going to be hard lol. My mind is used to just always going. I’m always thinking about something. Even if I’m in the present moment it feels like I’m still thinking of stuff. I also have constant music playing in my head. It almost never stops, even during meditation I can’t get it to turn off. I’m like totally drifting off into nothingness but in the background is elevator music. Metal elevator music. It’s weird.

        Thanks for the post. Definitely will read again and try to internalize what you’ve done.

        Oh meditation....I get anxiety. My heart starts racing. Seems like if I meditate with the purpose of improving myself, I begin to expect a result, and thus I get anxiety and my heart starts freaking out. So I had stopped that. Guess I’ll try again!

        [–]zdenipeni 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Can I pm you to talk more about this?

        [–]Appex1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        You can leave a message here. Maybe more people will benefit from it.

        [–]Giles_Jay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I used to day dream about winning the lottery for hours a day . Terrible practice. I could have been doing anything else in that time

        [–]krezombie[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I agree with this post 100%. Moreover, I’ve noticed feeling mentally exhausted after my day dreaming episodes. Thanks for reminding me that I need to put a stop to this.

        [–]assholeofthesky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        good post, I'll be studying this later.

        I myself have spend majority of my life daydreaming, now you can waken from that reality and pursue your true life meaning, it just means getting off your fat arse and doing it, no point dreaming about a scenario you can bring to reality

        [–]confusedguy911911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah I’ve done this and still do ,it’s as bad a habit as chewing your fingernails or spitting .If I could get back all that wasted time god knows how better off I’d be today.The trick is noticing when you are doing it and stopping the practice .

        [–]friendlynaboureeno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Wow this is eye opening and a great read!

        thanks for that I think I know what to do now

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Wow this hits close to home.

        [–]wewmon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        One of my problems as well...I am a very prolific daydreamer, and I am very well aware of the time it has stolen from me. I agree with how meditation can help stop it.

        [–]NormalAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The more life baggage you have, the more life baggage you have the opportunity of lifting and the more stories you can tell your grandchildren.

        It's like having access to a 309kg weight room. The opportunity is there to lift it- but can you put in the time to get there? If you manage to get through it, you'll be stoked!

        [–]542p 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You should post this on NoFap also.

        [–]BattlefieldWarrior 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I didn't even realize I was daydreaming too much until I read this post. Thank you

        [–]Ceedab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Maladaptive Daydreaming. Now there is a word I haven’t heard in a while.

        First time I heard that some bitch told me she “had that”. Everyone knew she was full blown schizophrenic

        [–]sky_fallen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sorry I don't believe anyone could make such changes s in six months.

        [–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Interesting post. This isn't something that I struggle with (I think) but I am happy you posted this.

        [–]1Mr_Badass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Maladaptive Daydreaming has alot of similarities with Schizoaffective Disorder, which psychatrists tend to misdiagnose as Depression or Bipolar Disorder.

        [–]king_of_red_alphas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        These types of dreams often amount to a goal without a plan; e.g. a “wish”

        (Not my quote btw)

        [–]carldamien 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Well this post just got mentally masturbated to death.. amirite!?

        :) Half-joking

        [–]0fficialRider99 -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

        I guess you can have this upvote. You can do better than this though...

        [–]sciroccomindrape0087 -5 points-4 points  (5 children)

        What's wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with having dreams. Dreams typically motivate people to Srive above the norm. It's 2018 this isn't some cheesy 90's teen movie. Fucking a girl is not some major milestone of self improvement.

        You need to understand harsh truth. You copped out. The is nothing wrong with striving to realise your dreams. For example, it is a well known fact that most guys in senior positions in finance today were motivated by dreams of becoming Gordon Gekko when they week staring out.

        Regardless of sad that may seem. They put in the hours and followed through with their dreams and are now making fuck you money, and fucking 10/10s routinely.

        You can compromise, give up on your dreams, and justify it because of some made up disorder, ultimately living a mediocre life with some 5/10 roastie.

        Or you can stop making excuses push yourself and relise your ambitions of living the rennaisance man lifestyle and fuck the 10/10s.

        Whatever you do don't embarrass yourself spouting this beta bullshit in public. TRP is about being the best possible person you can be. That includes realising your personal ambitions and not making compromises.

        If you just want to play guitar and meditate all day, there are plenty of homeless shelters to support guys who want to live that kind of lifestyle.

        [–]Jansuf 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        "TRP is about being the best possible person you can be."

        I think you missed the point. He's literally pointing out how using daydreaming as a coping mechanism is a maladaptive way of dealing with realities of life. And that's he's recognized it and is offering his insights to others who may have the same problem.

        [–]Appex1[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Well good for you. Dream big and hope that one day your dreams will come true.

        [–]nos-urprises 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Hey OP, I just want you to know that I am completely on board with you. Of course, there is a bloody obvious difference between daydreaming and having a dream. With that said, you get your points across and it was well done.

        Quite frankly, I have heard about daydreaming and how detrimental it is if one is doing it excessively. It is a tough process to unlearn it once you form a habit out of it, especially when you're doing it for escape. And from my point of view, I can relate to some of this stuff. I was a loser kid too, I even created my own world to escape to. Being bullied during my childhood also made me have to take this imaginary world with me wherever I go up to adulthood. Like you said, it's a drug. I was never cognizant of how it managed to stick with me up to this day, where I read your post. You actually redpilled me.

        Moreover, I wish you the best of luck on your career.

        [–]Appex1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Thank you, nos-urprises. I wish the best for you too, and even though I don't know your story, you need to know that no matter how far in the depths of hell you feel like you are in, you might actually be an arrow slowly being arched at a bow, ready to get fired and reach for the sky. You might have a problem that is bothering you that you don't even realize you have. I could go for 16 hours of daydreaming without even knowing I was doing it. I recommend you take up mindfulness and listen to your thoughts. Your thoughts might be telling you something that you have ignored or neglected in your life.

        [–]blacklightsleaze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Do you have any idea what you are talking about? You totally missed the point of this post.

        [–]SlimeWizard -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

        not really convinced this belongs in redpill

        [–]MrSirBossMan -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

        So we’re punishing people now for having an active imagination? I can understand it’s a problem if people are using it to escape from life. But there are many other ways people do that such as by watching tv or playing video games. There is nothing wrong with daydreaming itself. Seems like people like to make fake targets to eliminate to make themselves feel better while avoiding the root problem.

        [–]Appex1[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        Read and understand the whole post. We all daydream from time to time, and it's perfectly normal. However, maladaptive daydreaming is not. It is when you daydream for hours every day as a coping mechanism for other problems you have in life. Just like a moderate consumption of alcohol is acceptable as long as the person doesn't drink heavily for drowning his problems.

        [–]MrSirBossMan -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

        Idk buddy if you beating your dick raw has become a problem then I think you have more than daydreaming to worry about.

        [–]Jansuf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Daydreaming itself is fine, actually very healthy and human to be able to let your mind wander off a little bit each day. When you live so much in your daydreams that physical reality, socializing, daily tasks, etc. are consistently prioritized behind your daydreaming, then it becomes a problem. If your daydreaming leads you to creating new things and imagining things you can implement into your life, or just to drift off like a small nap, that's totally normal. But if it becomes an imaginary world where you can hide from the world we all share, that's a problem.