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Red Pill TheoryTerrible father or not, he’s still your father. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by PerplexingPegasus_

I decided to write this post because of conversation I had with my own father just recently. It was through the separation of my parents and stumbling onto TRP this year where I had time to analyze the correlation of the truths here and how it played out in their relationship. The common trend I see often is that the good portion of this sub has/had a shitty father that was either BP or absent in their youth while having a mother who conditioned them to be their “ideal” good boys. As one of the younger members of this sub, I aim this post to those who still can contact their father and view it from his perspective. I will be unraveling a lot personally but I hope it can lead those who think ill of their fathers who didn’t teach them how to get laid instead of playing video games. He tried his best whether you believe it or not.

Context: My father met my mother while he was living in Germany with his friend. At the time was a bank teller while plating a few women on side. He was in shape, financially sound, while also taking occasional trips around Europe. He had many great friends in the country and also being a visible minority, he was polarizing to the locals as he spoke fluent German and Italian. It was through my father best friend that introduced him to my mother as she was a family friend of his. Seeing as he was great man, he suggested that he should have his own kin with someone of the same nationality.

My father always wanted to have a son of his own so he was more than interested. My mother at the time, just recently came to Germany through visa and picked up a job as she settled into the country. My father eventually my mother, dropped all his plates, and they got married. They lived in Germany for about 2 years after their marriage before my father decided he wanted to raise his soon to be family in Canada.

The sacrifices he made

My father made the journey to Canada by himself so he can acquire a visa for my mother. He moved from city to city and throughout the six month period, he was going to Montreal to acquire the papers necessary to bring my mother over. In that time, he started his own freelance carpentry business and was making around 2.5k a week. After making monthly trips to Montreal, he was successful in bringing my mother over and went to go establish their new life together. My mother gave birth to my older siblings a year apart of each other and thus began my fathers journey into family life. In the six months he lived alone, he bought himself a mustang he cherished dearly but got rid of once he knew he had to get a family-friendly car. He also stopped his freelance carpentry business as he needed to be with his family more often.

This was start of the downfall of the once great man he was.

As he gave up his own personal business, he picked up a construction job where he worked roughly 55 hours a week. It was necessary for him at the time because my mother was staying at home to take care of my two older siblings. He continued to work this job for 6 years as the strain on his body built up. When my siblings were old enough to go to school, my mother acquired a nursing job to help with the bills my father was burdening. In wasn’t long until they conceived me, leaving my mother out of the workforce again to take care of me. At this point my father could not maintain the burden of construction and left it to do taxi driving. It was easier on his body, allowing him to work longer hours for the job while providing under the table money. Through the stress of taking care of my family, my father started developing an alcohol addiction. The long hours of being sleep deprived while driving to pay for endless bills, a family that needed food on the table, and his aching body took a toll on him mentally.

Alcohol was his escape through reality.

It lead him coming home late nights intoxicated, passed out in the living room. As a young child, I would witness arguments between my mother and father because the drinking was affecting the money in the house. My fathers drinking only got worse, and the disdain from mother and other siblings increased. He would still work late into the nights but when he did, the higher the chance he would have a blackout session within the week. My mother got back into the workforce part-time again as I started attending school and our money situation got better but it still was an issue. Random emergency’s would happen and it made things difficult all around. At this point, my mother did not see the man she once loved as the stoic, defined, and well rounded man. Instead, he was the emotionally devoid, out of shape, alcoholic. He still was a crafty handy man and mechanic, but those were his only salvageable traits left in him.

The downfall of my parents marriage

My father continued to drive until 2013. where he suffered a back injury from being rear ended in a car accident.

This was the lowest point of his entire life.

Unable to work, he had to go through rehab to recover. Being older plus having a body that degraded over time through construction, he had to leave his line of work which was his only form of income. His drinking skyrocketed and the sight of him being blacked out was the new norm. He was a man that lost his livelihood, bills kept coming, and he had to provide post secondary funding for my siblings. The marriage was a lost cost before this point but it only made things worse.

My mother became the main breadwinner, while my father had to stay at home to recover. He eventually got better a year later but he couldn’t work like used to before so he went to working side jobs doing carpentry while taxing to make up for the hours. At this point, I never looked at my father as someone I could respect as pre-pubescent teen. I knew him as the man who would work late into the night, rarely being home and lying as a drunkard. My mother’s resentment became my resentment. It was when I reached my senior year of high school that my mother had enough and kicked him out as he earned the reputation of being the local drunk and shaming our family.

I wasn’t hurt when this happened as I already became desensitized to his behaviours and mentally revoked him as a father figure. I entered post secondary as a teen who never really had the picture-perfect family or father but I had many mentors who still kept me in line throughout my earlier years with an amazing core groups of friends. I never had antisocial tendencies and still kept a positive attitude towards life that radiated those around me as I am a naturally charismatic and witty individual.

Fast forward to present day, I visit my father who has his own apartment about 40 minutes away from my family as his birthday recently passed but I couldn’t see him due to my mother. I took it as opportunity to see my father in his rawest state and also just seeing how he greatly misses his family. He tells me everything I revealed in the context as I knew the general stuff regarding the origin of my parents relationship but in further detail. He then drops red-pilled truth bombs I was aware of.

Thanks to this sub, many of my thoughts I had previously being an impressionable teen with grasps of rp thoughts with bp conditioning finally gave me the clear understanding I couldn’t articulate on my own.

He explained to me how he would of occasionally see friends of his and they would tell him how they would see my mother at other family gatherings or social events. They would ask my mother how my father is doing and she would follow up saying she was doesn’t know and they should just ask him instead (knowing they wouldn’t go out their way to inquire unless it was my fathers friends or family relatives vouching for him). He also revealed she spun the story of her kicking my father as him one day packing his stuff and leaving us(female hamster rewriting history). My father was smart enough to rent an apartment out when he still lived with us Incase my mother would try to kick him out and leave him homeless (always have a back up plan). It was also revealed to me that he would try to stop by when I wasn’t home to check up on my family and give us money but he would be denied by mother. He continued to tell me more things regarding my mother and his self I wasn’t aware of because I was young at the time.

We had a discussion about his past and times I was infant for about an hour then proceeded to talk about myself and my post secondary life at the moment. It got late into the into the night when I decided it would be time to head home. It was then that he told me if I ever needed a place to stay, his apartment was always welcome to me and he would make a spare key. He closed off by telling he wants the best for me and to get my degree and hopefully have a family of my own with a good women(definitely a projection of his to succeed in where he failed). He told me not to think wrong of my mother as she was a women trying her best as well. I left my fathers apartment with newfound respect for the guy as he did the best he could. I know he fucked up and isn’t completely innocent but neither is my mother. It’s the fact I was able to talk to him like this with him being as honest of himself I have ever witnessed. I definitely gained new appreciation for my father and hope to spend more time with the guy.

TL;DR: Your father is human, stop crying that he wasn’t the perfect chad you idolize because you’re a pussy. Stop having a victim complex and accept him for who he is, the faulty human being that we all are and give him a chance to understand him and talk to him if he’s still around in your life.

Putting the flair as RP Theory as it includes both RP and BP examples, will change flair accordingly to mods/ECs suggestion


[–][deleted]  (26 children)

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[–]kiwifx 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Amen.

Mine was a drunk who couldn't hold his shit together, more interested in rodeos, horses and booze than his only child. I eventually went on in adulthood to go spend time with him, only to get ripped off by him to the tune of several thousand dollars. After a few years of not being in touch (he continually dodged me knowing I was in bad shape financially and looking to call back loans at the time), I found out he was in prison for attempted rape of his step daughter. Even better, in recent years, I heard from his sister that he has prostate cancer - he told her he didn't want me to know, for whatever reason, despite the fact that means I've a high likelihood of getting it myself.

Biological father or not, he doesn't get any more chances.

[–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It’s unfortunate you had to deal with that. This topic can become difficult with each varying person. You gave him multiple chances but he proved undeserving of it. That is fair judgment.

[–]gaspaonrocks 6 points7 points  (0 children)

trying to erase (or worse: claim he never did those things) over the years of our lives

Amen. I don't get why some people think because it's in the family you get a free 'forgive-all-your-bullshit' card. Family or not, if you're a piece of shit, you should end like one.

[–]a_crapybara 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My situation is no where near as difficult or as tragic as yours, but my father was also a fairly selfish one and a terrible role model. Now that he's getting older, he's wondering why his children never visit him. This type of impulsive, short-term thinking hopefully ends with them. I wish you well.

[–]FerrusMan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agree completely. Being a father does not excuse crappy behavior, and too many people want to give out the relative pass. If OP wants to forgive his father and somehow make things better, good luck to him. But some people have lived sheltered lives, and have no idea of just how cruel, heartless, or uncaring some "relatives" out there can be.

[–]2chazthundergut 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yes, fuck him if he was abusive. Keep your boundaries with him.

But he is dying. You will feel better (in the long term) if you forgive him even though he doesn't deserve it.

My own father is dying of heart disease and liver cancer. The chemo and meds has made him into an abusive asshole. But I know he's on his way out so I grit my teeth and smile and try to appreciate whatever good I can.

[–]Arabian_Wolf 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Same with my mother and breast cancer, she takes letrozole long-term and one of its side effect is depression, didn't speak to her since months.

How do you interact with your father now?

[–]2chazthundergut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With patience, compassion, and love.

And healthy boundaries.

[–]impuls1ve3 2 points3 points  (1 child)

at least mine had the decency to kill himself jesus that's rough.

[–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

but for some of us, there is no forgiveness.

Agreed. But at the same time, whether you get to hear your father apologize for his transgressions or not in your life, it won’t change the fact that you as an individual have to move on. It’s necessary to develop in that sense.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

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    [–]SteadyRoamer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Had an abusive father as well and even my mom was a bit abusive (typical dysfunctional family crap). My father pretty ran me and two of my other siblings out of the house. It took that and getting into his 60's to realize he'd better calm the fuck down if he wanted any relationship at all with his own family. He started offering us money to help us in life, etc., but my relationship with him is diplomatic at best.

    "he taught me a very valuable lesson in how to not raise my children and not treat others." <---same here.

    [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Essentially, some will and won’t have the picture perfect life we would to get. In your case, he could of helped you in your path but chose not to. I can say for sure everyone’s life will be different but it takes accountability on ones life to change their circumstances. It’s one of the hardest pills to swallow but acknowledging it will guide you instead of perpetual blaming of your parent(s).

    [–]monoeggs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I learned the power of channeling all the negative energy into positive results and success.

    how do you do this?

    [–]Appex1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    That makes me sad when I hear such a story. I do believe much more people have more or less had the same type of father as you, but it's often a taboo and only kept for themselves.

    [–]OneCovah 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Lots of people in the military are like that, angry at their parents. I read a discussion where some guy said virtually everyone on his ship joined the Navy to get away from their families, and many posts in that thread backed him up.

    It's not taboo if you know where to look. I am sure you'd find similar stories of neglect at women's shelters.

    [–]comicallysimple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well him throwing you out might also be a key aspect for you being sucesfull. The underlying/uncounciouss lesson that might have come from it was that you are on your own and you gotta take care of yourself. With him kicking you out he gave you a motivation which is not easy to aquire for others who didnt have it happen in their lives. As for reconsiling I think you should forgive him and let him in to your life as you might regret it if choosing not to at a later point. Dont be a pussy about it though and embrace him as the bigger man.

    [–]KrakaLakak -3 points-2 points  (5 children)

    My father a violently abusive piece of shit who threw me out to live homeless at 17 and told me these words “you are never coming home to live in this house - its my house, we will never give you money - it’s my money, and it’s time (now that you’ve graduated high school) for you to go out in the world and make a man of yourself and earn your own way”

    While it does seem cruel and heartless, don't u think this was the moment in your life that made u dependent on yourself and actually made u look for success? I mean looking at those words, he knew what he was saying and probably knew what the outcome would be.

    [–]kiwifx 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    That's a narrative similar to 'A Boy Named Sue' by Johnny Cash. I get why someone might try to use that, but these days it's seems more likely to me to be a gamble that's more likely to send a child further down the bad path he's on. People don't generally just 'click' and pick up their shit when someone says/does this to them, it takes a long period of introspection before they'll turn things around. In the meantime, a lot of bad things can happen before they wake up. My own case is a good example.

    Unfortunately I doubt he had any intention of doing it to 'harden' u/Oil_of_LA up, it sounds more like he was genuinely telling him to fuck off.

    [–]OneCovah 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Agreed, kiwifx. The neglected child carries lifelong scars, the wanted child bears lifelong confidence. You do not just get over it like in a media fantasy.

    This is serious business. Thanks to Red Pill for educating males when their fathers cannot. Serious as in "healthy mind in a healthy body" excludes the heart, found in "sex education belongs in the home". When the family fails the child fails, no choice. Of the three, assuming you are in good health and most of us are, the heart, the emotional life, is more important than the mind. Unless you are dying of cancer your emotional well-being is more important than your academic success.

    Public schools spend all day on academics and a little time on exercise but no time on romance which is the most important thing. This may be why the US has so much crime, people grow up without love and empathy. The American family with each child in his own room also reduces empathy.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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      [–]Disobedient_Citizen1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Dont listen to the people in this sub telling you that you should forgive and forget, this is nonsense. It takes effort to forgive the wrongs done to you but it takes nothing for those you forgive to wrong you again.

      Instead appreciate those who wrong you for exposing their true selves to you, know them for what they are and most importantly accept them for what they are. Trust the sheep to behave like sheep and trust the fox to behave like a fox.

      If you loan me your power drill and i return it to you broken then thats on me. However if you decide to loan it to me again and i return it broken again its on you. You didnt learn the first time but you damn well better learn the second time. I may say that i wont do it again but my words mean nothing, there is value in action not in words. Take heed not of what is said but what people do or have done.

      If a sheep exposes itself as a fox then trust it to behave like a fox every time. you may see a sheep with your eyes but youve learned to expect the fox and not the sheep.

      They may weep and whine trying to convince you that they will change or to gaslight you but dismiss and ignore all verbal attempts, consider only action, consider only what they do, their words are nothing but manipulation.

      Ive had to deal with my fathers narcicism since infancy, lies, gaslighting, zero accountability, extreme silent treatment, bullying, isolation, projection, artificial poverty, physical violence and threats. Im 32 now and I know it has affected me psychologically, its as if i hear every whisper through a loud speaker, see every sight through a magnifying glass. Anything said by anyone is a potential lie, attempt to manipulate, plot or scheme and in my mind i am constantly trying to expose and deconstruct as such.

      Every little white lie or rationalization disgusts me to the point that i literally suspect EVERYONE sometimes. As you can imagine I have major trust issues, because of this ive had to train myself as ive mentioned above in the stoic sense.

      Family is not entitled to respect or forgiveness simply because they are family, your parents do not deserve your respect or obedience simply because they conceived you or because the provide for you. Provision and protection is your right and their duty for bringing you into this world. They dont have the right to do be abusive or irresponsible simply because they provide for you, nobody does.

      Keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open. You dont need to forgive anyone if you dont want to, instead accept them for what they have proven themselves to be and expect them to behave as such. That way you wont be fooled, hurt, or inconvenienced by them at all.

      [–]1-Fidelio- 22 points23 points  (7 children)

      It it is wrong to assume that father's try their best; some do, some half-ass things and some don't even half-ass it.

      And there is no way to know for sure whether your father did his best or not; your knowledge depends on what other people, including him, tell you about what happened, but you weren't there and information about how it went depends on their relation with the truth and their relation with you.

      Finding out which it is is important for anyone's identity as it will put into perspective the ideas you take from your own childhood into your adult life.

      There's nothing wrong with assessing your father, including the bad. Everyone has a bias towards assuming other parents are like their own, but there is a huge gap of difference between the quality of parents.

      If you don't assess what your father did right and wrong you'll repeat his mistakes. It can be just as tempting to assume he did his best (as it can tighten your bond) as it can be to complain about his failures. The goal should be to learn what choices he made and why. That's it. If you know that, you can use the information to guide your own life better.

      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

      Yes, that was overall tone I was looking for in this that I must of missed. If you can assess that his options were or weren’t in your family best interest, by all means judge him. Most of those who dismiss their father don’t even give him the time of day to actually to wonder his character to assess him if he is still around.

      Regardless, you still have to acknowledge your father as he was in one way or another.

      [–]1-Fidelio- 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      Most of those who dismiss their father don’t even give him the time of day to actually to wonder his character to assess him if he is still around.

      Hmm. Interesting. That's not my experience with my friends. It's more common for them to overvalue their fathers compared to what they did and didn't.

      What does it mean to acknowledge your father, in practical terms?

      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      what does it mean to acknowledge your father, in practical terms?

      There’s two ways I personally believe that are co-dependent and require deep thought of what the male is ought to do and what he does actually in practical terms.

      People will tell you how they expect a father to be. In case of women from the female imperative, that is to be a caregiver and devote time, resources, and personal life before children. If they do that, then they are deemed a “good” father while not considering the individuality he may lose along the line which is evident with all the divorced-raped men in this sub. All hollow shells of themselves.

      If he chooses the latter, continues to live a life for himself, he is the irresponsible, selfish man not willing to see past himself.

      If your father was the first, you see as the practical good man in your life. See it as the second, you think he was terrible because you don’t consider his own individuality.

      In order to fully acknowledge your father, you have to look at it from both of these aspects and be able to contrast the two. It’s not simple if you dealt with the second for a father especially in the feminized society that shuns fathers for living for themselves.

      [–]1-Fidelio- 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Okay I've read this three times.

      What's the difference between "acknowledging of the father" as you describe it (contrasting what he did and didn't do) and learn what choices he made and why?

      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Okay I've read this three times.

      What's the difference between "acknowledging of the father" as you describe it (contrasting what he did and didn't do) is different from learn what choices he made and why?

      If can see how he chose to he sacrifice himself or his willingness not to for his family, you can question his reasoning behind it.

      When you learn his choices, you’re seeing how it impacted him as an individual and whether it worth it or not.

      [–]1Mr_Badass 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      I will not forgive my father. I will not visit his funeral when he dies. My childhood was full of abuse, artificial poverty, and domestic violence.

      [–]Reformed65 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      It says a lot about the nerve you have, coming over here with your "Muh daddy!" narrative and dismissing the genuine pain and torture which many of the users here have faced either directly or indirectly from their fathers.

      For you to come here with your black and white talk on how he tried his best, no matter what, shows you have no grasp of how the real world works.

      Ironically, you yourself have made yourself guilty of the issue you come here to solve, you attack those who hate their fathers because the way you see it "He tried his best whether you believe it or not", but rather than coming over here as a civil user to share wisdom, you instead appeal to those who you think hate their fathers "for no reason" into having them like their fathers for no reason.

      You have to be more than autistic to come here saying "muh daddy broke his back and he wasn't alpha but now I learn he good!" and not see that your scenario is far from the scarios which many others have here, sure any users here who share the immature mind that you possess will be useful to, but cruel fathers do exist- believe it or not.

      To put your father in the same category as abusive fathers is an insult to him. You hated your father because you were (and still are) an immature brat, but the users here hate their father because they (the fathers) were cruel assholes.

      [–]Purpurtentakel 9 points10 points  (1 child)

      Good post!

      Accepting your parents for who they are is the key to adulthood.

      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Appreciate it, hoping others can understand this as well!

      [–]1atticusfinch1973 9 points10 points  (2 children)

      Like others, my father wasn't really abusive or terrible, he was just absent and gave zero guidance. He should never have been a parent. I don't even call him Dad anymore, he's just Bill.

      He's completely disinterested in any relationship with me or his grandchildren and has seen my two kids three times since they were born 5 years ago and once was only because my ex-wife stopped at their place on the road one time for lunch. He lives a three hour drive away from me and is retired. My sister once told me if she didn't drive to them he would see her kids maybe once a year and they live under an hour apart.

      I'd like to think it could turn around someday but any attempt on my part always just got ignored so I just stopped. If his wife dies he will be a lonely old man and likely die alone due to his behaviour. It gives me a perspective on exactly what I DON'T want to have happen to me. Probably the only thing I could thank him for.

      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      This is quite common as well. Most of them end getting raised by the tv. It’s a shame.

      [–]zyqkvx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sorry that happened to you. something is toxic. it's a shame. society shuns them

      stop. and bye. no time for this.

      [–]captaindestucto[🍰] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      TL;DR: Your father is human, stop crying that he wasn’t the perfect chad you idolize because you’re a pussy.

      Human huh? My father molested me when I was toddler-aged up until about 4, then threatened to kill me when caught. I grew up with a mild learning difficulty and zero self-esteem, and I resembled him - a fact I was reminded of a couple of times by my mother's family. Who knows what I'd be like if that hadn't happened.

      Look outside your goddamn personal experience bubble: Not everyone's family members fall into a 'flawed but human' category. God only knows what other disgusting things that man has done (shudder).

      [–]dobbekz 13 points14 points  (3 children)

      The idea that people need to be forgiven because they are your family, mother, friend, family etc. is blue pill logic. People don't deserve anything they will deal with the consequences of their actions.

      It's cool that you have decided to forgive your father but some of us have decided to just cut our fathers off and not speak to them again it's not like we are stewing with hatred over how they have wronged us we just forget about them. Even you admit you started to dislike your father in your youth being manipulated by the narrative your mother spun, so I guess you had to forgive him because you wrongly hated him. But yeah some fathers are just irrelevant and they are better off forgotten. No hate towards them no "forgiveness" either just forget them and move on with improving your own life that is my advice to people.

      Also your father kind of just sounds like a regular lucky boomer that had a business making $2.5k a week and a mustang and a good life within a very short time span just because of "hard work". I really don't see much that can be learned from your post other then you see your father in a new light after being manipulated by your mother, but that is more so your fault for believing her lies and not a lesson to other people to forgive their fathers.

      [–]bitcoin1188 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Totally agree. Some of our fathers are complete losers. My father was the typical boomer that made great money but somehow has nothing to show for it. A lifetime of indulgence and alcoholism has led him to having nothing to pass down financially. He embarrassed my siblings and I over and over and over. He also didnt impart much life skills or knowledge. I don't hate him at all but I'm done forgiving him just because he's my father. I've had to learn the world on my own and make my own money. I do feel shitty for him because feminism, pop culture and lack of a father himself caused him to lead a degenerate life. My mom cheated on him and left him. I also am pretty sure he has a porn addiction. Which, i can't stress enough os extremely damaging to humans. Im rambling a little but i truly think porn is terrible for society and should be illegal.

      [–]Sendmoneytofly -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

      Cmon. What you are saying is too harsh.

      [–]_quote 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      My dad is such a great guy. He taught me to be confident, to say fuck you to the haters, to work hard, and to be honest. I don't blame him for any of my problems, not that I'm not a failure with women by any standards. I just think that the way I am has required me to work hard to be successful in dating and in life and that's okay. I'm not ashamed if I'm not "naturally" as athletic or sociable as my dad was at my age because it's not like I can change my genes. You just have to suck it up and deal with stuff sometimes and it makes you a better person.

      [–]Throwaway_5252 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      "Your father is human, stop crying that he wasn’t the perfect chad you idolize because you’re a pussy."

      Lol

      I had military father who was a abusive Neanderthal piece of shit and under his upbringing I became the borderline psychopath I am today. Another friend of mine had a father just as abusive, maybe even moreso, and he ended up killing his pregnant girlfriend in a murder suicide. Put five shots in her and one in his own head.

      I have no desire to reconcile with my father. He can fucking rot. Hell, I'd murder the guy if I thought I could get away with it and when I was a kid I regularly fantasized about doing so.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]PerplexingPegasus_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Just simply taking agency of your own life and telling them you’re grateful for the things they have done will be enough to know they aren’t the terrible person they believe they are. Most believe they are since society shuns them.

      [–]AltBuzzer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I've gotten past most of the anger towards my dad and now I mostly just pity him. His father talked him out of many opportunities and he and his brother didn't wise up to it until their wives pointed out the manipulation.

      He was bitter and jealous of other peoples' successes, and for whatever reason he decided to take it out on his children. But he did work hard to provide for us and understand why he was the way he was so I can ultimately forgive him. At some point, everybody has to move past the abuses others have heaped on them.

      [–]Thegoldenmean19876 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      My dad was a workaholic AND a shitty provider, which still makes no sense at all.

      [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      he wanna be not home so he works a lot but not for you - makes sense now I hope...

      [–]kidinvestor 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      it's fiction but listen to Johny cash boy named sue. The way you were raised, even a lack of it means nothing- infact it can be beneficial (hard times create strong men) what you do decides where you end up, sure i suppose it's easier with good foundations, but it doesn't make things impossible, the only one to blame for failure in your life is you.

      my dad is a recovering alcoholic (sober 6 years now). The years he was in this state were when i was going into my early teens so quite a key time. I don't live with him anymore but i didn't blame him for anything. I used the feeling of being worthless and shit to work hard, go through college, get myself a job, workout and improve in all areas of life. Now i'm not saying i've got everything figured out, but i'm on my way.

      we hang out most sundays to workout which i've been teaching him, but seeing his position and current dynamic with my mother; sleeping in a shed in the garden of a £600,000 house he still pays for (which she's filled with rubbish as a hoarder), going in a fucking fiat 500 to work driven by my mother because she's the only person insured to drive it, and many more things is fucking heartbreaking.

      I've lent him over (3k) which he's always paid back, but no more. I'm focusing on getting my own place in order to take care of him when he's completely fucked, which i'm guessing will happen as soon as he's paid off all the mortgage (around 40K).

      the other day when i was talking to him about his financial position, how weak it was, he said "i've got a £600,000 house back there" i said "your wife has" and his face fucking dropped with that realisation. I needed him to swallow that pill in order to realise where he is. The saddest part is knowing your dad is the best friend you'll ever have and he's in such a fucked position and most of the time won't listen to advice.

      the worst part is every now and then he tells me not all women are like that, poor fucker- he still geniunely belives women can be good wives or just good in general.

      [–]randomTATRP 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      The saddest part is knowing your dad is the best friend you'll ever have and he's in such a fucked position and most of the time won't listen to advice.

      Thanks for breaking my heart at 7 AM. I tried to get my dad to quit smoking and drinking but to no result. Not even a stroke stopped him from smoking. I just sometimes think he's stupid for not stopping.

      [–]kidinvestor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      mine smokes too, after successfully destroying his liver drinking, getting diabeteas from a shit diet, and loosing all his money he's decided to start smoking- poor fucker doesn't have the money for a pack of ciggarets most of the time.

      People are just self destructive by nature, but when you get to that age ~50, no savings, struggling to earn money, rising health problems like diabeates, family imploding- surely you'd think these guys would be shocked into reality, but no, it continues, i've just swallowed the pill that you can't save these people because they don't want to be saved, and an even bigger one is realising the fact they're not worth saving because they've gotten to such a point where they're so broken they just become a burden. I've created alot of distance from my dad recently by moving out due to a very big incident at the home. At the moment i goto the gym with him on the weekends which is a 40 minute train ride, costs ~£10, i've made the decision to just get a gym near my place. Yes, that's sort of cold, but it's financialy wiser and my father can no longer help me in life, sure i want to help him, but the best way to become the person who can is to focus on myself, saving money and then when he is truly fucked, he can move in to my place, maybe a bit before that. I think it is the job of all fathers to prepare their sons for a world where they're not in it, people you genuinely trust, love, will always look out for you are rare. Even childhood friends will turn their back on you, siblings, cousins- only from these three groups are people like that you can find, but you will never find another father.

      [–]Pokeylaw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm 19 and I don't hate my father I just generally dislike him as a person. All my life he would ask me to give him money I would remember my mom giving me $10 for doing chores then him asking for it bc he doesn't have enough money for gas to pick me up bc I wanted to go to his after not seeing him for over an week. Ofc I would give him it and as I got older it just got bigger and bigger probably giving him over 3k in money it wasn't until my mom told me last year on my 18 bday that my dad (he "forgot" about it and all day I was waiting for him to call me ended up crying in my mom's arms) was a crackhead deep down I knew since like 9-10 I always made excuses for him and what not but now that I'm in college and by myself I realized that I wasn't depressed I was just sick of being around his ass so fucking much. Every time he calls me in college I'm thinking how much money he want and how many times do I have to say no before he stops begging he hasn't done it yet but I know he will 1 day and I'm just waiting.

      [–]BillyRedRocks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Ye, he is human, what if he was shit though? YOu just take it ? Come on now. You don't have to blame him for your failures but you don't have to absolve him of his weaknesses and in general him being pathetic (talking in general in case you get super butthurt). If you wanna reconnect with your dads - by all means go ahead, but if it affects your life in a bad way you might wanna think about it a bit more.

      [–]shaggyctes88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      For some there Will never be forgiveness..for others there must be understanding. I hated my dad as a teen due to myself being blue. Now I love him knowing all of his mistakes cause he was after all a good father

      [–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The whole reason for this post was for you to wallow in the past just for a few hours more.

      This will bring you no progress.

      [–]OneCovah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      My father was spoiled rotten as a child and grew up a sissy, that is, a man with a woman's personality. All women are spoiled by their youthful beauty. Men are not. Men have to learn to be men. A boy who is a sissy never learns to be a man. My father was not a sissy like homosexual but sissy like a woman, for example play emotional games like denial in order to show superiority, self-centered conceit "it's all about ME!", a mean angry guy, a psychopath.

      As a child matures he goes through "open periods" where the brain is open to a particular learning. A child who is spoiled never learns empathy. The brain opens and closes and that's that. The spoiled child cries and gets what he wants just like an infant and never matures beyond that stage. The psychopath can not love due to lack of empathy. His unloved, unwanted, neglected child carries lifelong scars. The opposite is also true- the loved, cherished, supported child has high self-confidence and a better life.

      The solution is join the military and tell Dad to get lost. Every military everywhere is full of young men like that. I wish I had done that, I wish I had joined the Army and told my dad if I ever see you again I'll put my fist in your face. The military is all about building self-esteem and camaraderie, just what the neglected child needs.

      Relevant to Red Pill, sex (romantic) education belongs in the home. Parents who do not teach their children about romance will have clumsy, shy, nerdy kids who make bad decisions. Shyness is not so bad for girls but for guys it means constant romantic struggle and failure. For girls, no adult male makes them likely targets for violent abuse and early divorce.

      [–]Aesthetic_God__ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      This whole post moved me man.