I decided to write this post because of conversation I had with my own father just recently. It was through the separation of my parents and stumbling onto TRP this year where I had time to analyze the correlation of the truths here and how it played out in their relationship. The common trend I see often is that the good portion of this sub has/had a shitty father that was either BP or absent in their youth while having a mother who conditioned them to be their “ideal” good boys. As one of the younger members of this sub, I aim this post to those who still can contact their father and view it from his perspective. I will be unraveling a lot personally but I hope it can lead those who think ill of their fathers who didn’t teach them how to get laid instead of playing video games. He tried his best whether you believe it or not.
Context: My father met my mother while he was living in Germany with his friend. At the time was a bank teller while plating a few women on side. He was in shape, financially sound, while also taking occasional trips around Europe. He had many great friends in the country and also being a visible minority, he was polarizing to the locals as he spoke fluent German and Italian. It was through my father best friend that introduced him to my mother as she was a family friend of his. Seeing as he was great man, he suggested that he should have his own kin with someone of the same nationality.
My father always wanted to have a son of his own so he was more than interested. My mother at the time, just recently came to Germany through visa and picked up a job as she settled into the country. My father eventually my mother, dropped all his plates, and they got married. They lived in Germany for about 2 years after their marriage before my father decided he wanted to raise his soon to be family in Canada.
The sacrifices he made
My father made the journey to Canada by himself so he can acquire a visa for my mother. He moved from city to city and throughout the six month period, he was going to Montreal to acquire the papers necessary to bring my mother over. In that time, he started his own freelance carpentry business and was making around 2.5k a week. After making monthly trips to Montreal, he was successful in bringing my mother over and went to go establish their new life together. My mother gave birth to my older siblings a year apart of each other and thus began my fathers journey into family life. In the six months he lived alone, he bought himself a mustang he cherished dearly but got rid of once he knew he had to get a family-friendly car. He also stopped his freelance carpentry business as he needed to be with his family more often.
This was start of the downfall of the once great man he was.
As he gave up his own personal business, he picked up a construction job where he worked roughly 55 hours a week. It was necessary for him at the time because my mother was staying at home to take care of my two older siblings. He continued to work this job for 6 years as the strain on his body built up. When my siblings were old enough to go to school, my mother acquired a nursing job to help with the bills my father was burdening. In wasn’t long until they conceived me, leaving my mother out of the workforce again to take care of me. At this point my father could not maintain the burden of construction and left it to do taxi driving. It was easier on his body, allowing him to work
longer hours for the job while providing under the table money. Through the stress of taking care of my family, my father started developing an alcohol addiction. The long hours of being sleep deprived while driving to pay for endless bills, a family that needed food on the table, and his aching body took a toll on him mentally.
Alcohol was his escape through reality.
It lead him coming home late nights intoxicated, passed out in the living room. As a young child, I would witness arguments between my mother and father because the drinking was affecting the money in the house. My fathers drinking only got worse, and the disdain from mother and other siblings increased. He would still work late into the nights but when he did, the higher the chance he would have a blackout session within the week. My mother got back into the workforce part-time again as I started attending school and our money situation got better but it still was an issue. Random emergency’s would happen and it made things difficult all around. At this point, my mother did not see the man she once loved as the stoic, defined, and well rounded man. Instead, he was the emotionally devoid, out of shape, alcoholic. He still was a crafty handy man and mechanic, but those were his only salvageable traits left in him.
The downfall of my parents marriage
My father continued to drive until 2013. where he suffered a back injury from being rear ended in a car accident.
This was the lowest point of his entire life.
Unable to work, he had to go through rehab to recover. Being older plus having a body that degraded over time through construction, he had to leave his line of work which was his only form of income. His drinking skyrocketed and the sight of him being blacked out was the new norm. He was a man that lost his livelihood, bills kept coming, and he had to provide post secondary funding for my siblings. The marriage was a lost cost before this point but it only made things worse.
My mother became the main breadwinner, while my father had to stay at home to recover. He eventually got better a year later but he couldn’t work like used to before so he went to working side jobs doing carpentry while taxing to make up for the hours. At this point, I never looked at my father as someone I could respect as pre-pubescent teen. I knew him as the man who would work late into the night, rarely being home and lying as a drunkard. My mother’s resentment became my resentment. It was when I reached my senior year of high school that my mother had enough and kicked him out as he earned the reputation of being the local drunk and shaming our family.
I wasn’t hurt when this happened as I already became desensitized to his behaviours and mentally revoked him as a father figure. I entered post secondary as a teen who never really had the picture-perfect family or father but I had many mentors who still kept me in line throughout my earlier years with an amazing core groups of friends. I never had antisocial tendencies and still kept a positive attitude towards life that radiated those around me as I am a naturally charismatic and witty individual.
Fast forward to present day, I visit my father who has his own apartment about 40 minutes away from my family as his birthday recently passed but I couldn’t see him due to my mother. I took it as opportunity to see my father in his rawest state and also just seeing how he greatly misses his family. He tells me everything I revealed in the context as I knew the general stuff regarding the origin of my parents relationship but in further detail. He then drops red-pilled truth bombs I was aware of.
Thanks to this sub, many of my thoughts I had previously being an impressionable teen with grasps of rp thoughts with bp conditioning finally gave me the clear understanding I couldn’t articulate on my own.
He explained to me how he would of occasionally see friends of his and they would tell him how they would see my mother at other family gatherings or social events. They would ask my mother how my father is doing and she would follow up saying she was doesn’t know and they should just ask him instead (knowing they wouldn’t go out their way to inquire unless it was my fathers friends or family relatives vouching for him). He also revealed she spun the story of her kicking my father as him one day packing his stuff and leaving us(female hamster rewriting history). My father was smart enough to rent an apartment out when he still lived with us Incase my mother would try to kick him out and leave him homeless (always have a back up plan). It was also revealed to me that he would try to stop by when I wasn’t home to check up on my family and give us money but he would be denied by mother. He continued to tell me more things regarding my mother and his self I wasn’t aware of because I was young at the time.
We had a discussion about his past and times I was infant for about an hour then proceeded to talk about myself and my post secondary life at the moment. It got late into the into the night when I decided it would be time to head home. It was then that he told me if I ever needed a place to stay, his apartment was always welcome to me and he would make a spare key. He closed off by telling he wants the best for me and to get my degree and hopefully have a family of my own with a good women(definitely a projection of his to succeed in where he failed). He told me not to think wrong of my mother as she was a women trying her best as well.
I left my fathers apartment with newfound respect for the guy as he did the best he could. I know he fucked up and isn’t completely innocent but neither is my mother. It’s the fact I was able to talk to him like this with him being as honest of himself I have ever witnessed. I definitely gained new appreciation for my father and hope to spend more time with the guy.
TL;DR: Your father is human, stop crying that he wasn’t the perfect chad you idolize because you’re a pussy. Stop having a victim complex and accept him for who he is, the faulty human being that we all are and give him a chance to understand him and talk to him if he’s still around in your life.
Putting the flair as RP Theory as it includes both RP and BP examples, will change flair accordingly to mods/ECs suggestion