272
273
274

Field Report[FR] First date since I married some 6 years ago (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by ReasonablyGoodMexica

It's been close to 6 years since I had an actual date with a woman other than my exwife. We got a divorce that I might recount on another FR. But the relevant part is just that: I'm as rusty and blue-minded as an unpainted iron statue of Justin Trudeau left in the rain while the next Olympic games arrive.

How I got there

I started approaching random strangers in order to lose approach anxiety. Since I work close to a college, those are high in volume and remarkable quality. One such girl was this one I met while buying a drink at a 7-eleven. I did get a #close, in spite of the awkward approach. The whole interaction couldn't possibly have lasted more than 5 or 7 minutes since we did this while waiting on the queue to pay our drinks.

A couple of days after getting her number I messaged her to set up a meetup. Following the advise of avoiding dinner dates and using messaging only for logistics I invited her to a walk on the main city park. She agreed and we left it at that.

Two or three days later, on the day of the date, I message her about fifteen minute before the agreed hour and she responds something like "Oh you did go there!" Here's a small transcript:

Her: What! You didn't answer anymore, so I thought I wasn't going to see you. 😳 [flushed emoji]

Me: Wow how little trust

Her: Not my fault! We don't know each other after all haha

Me: Well. I'll be around for a while if you decide to show up.

Her: No communication here tho

Her: I'm quite far tho

Me: I even went ahead and made the perfect weather (I wanted to purposefully had her walk with me on a day with 50% chance of rain and 50% chance of perfect weather, and I let her know that)

Her: Hahahaha you didn't do anything

Her: I'll get ready, I hope I find you. If I don't, well whatever lol

I spent the following one hour and a half approaching random strangers, among those: a clearly troubled dude gulping down a liter of goddamn ice cream by himself, a married woman with the husband nearby and a bunch of church girls doing their thing.

She arrives with a bag and extra shoes. After the park she's going somewhere else with one of her girlfriends. A nightclub? Most likely, but I didn't care much. The sole fact she showed up was an IOI into itself.

We proceed to walk inside the park with no actual objective in mind. I'm just thinking of going to one of the landmarks. Along the way she suggests some places I didn't know about the park and we go there. During this, we are walking at a leisure pace and just talking about stuff. I do my best to let her talk about anything she wants, trying to lead the conversation into her character, what she likes to do and things she does. It seems I clearly was at the right moment at the right place when I asked her number. Just out of college, bored out of her guts and broke with the college boyfriend just right after leaving the college. She currently enjoys the work/eat/sleep/repeat lifestyle.

After some walking, laying in the grass and talk some more with some lame ass kino approach, I decide I'm too hungry and the thing too stale to keep there. I also remember the lead her to other places thing and take her to a burger place just outside the park. I do some talking, but in retrospective it was very awkward and I might have reeeally went too forcefully with the whole innuendo. Might have been too crass without outright saying "I'm going to fuck you". At least she got the message lol.

All along the way, I playfully tease her, poke her and just randomly fool around like I would with regular guy friends. Although she doesn't reply much in kind, she doesn't try to please. I don't either, tho. I was never into boot licking even in my blue-pilled days with other guys, so it translated easily with women.

Once at the burger place I pay for both burgers. She wanted to pay for her, but I decided to pay for her since she showed interest in getting there in the first place. I didn't let her know that, tho. We talk some more, eat half my burger because I've been eating on a very hard deficit (1600kcal) for the past three months and the fucking burger is humongous now. During the thing she says she's more into dogs than cats and she actually dislikes cats. I make a playful scene out of that because it turns I have one very asshole cat, which I'm never leaving because the motherfucker was the one that accompanied me through my divorce.

A noteworthy thing is that a couple of times before, but specially during the dinner at the burger place, she asks me why I'm looking at her so much. I've been doing lots of eye contact now. In retrospective I might have overdone it and should have mirrored more her breaking of eye contact, or asking why I was staring so much was a shit test. I'm unsure. She did mention she liked me after I said I liked her because something, can't remember what.

So, at this point I'm trying to get her to my place with a lame 'lets go have some tea' excuse. But she didn't bite and her friend was actually waiting for her nearby and she called to let her know that. They were going to a party? A nightclub I believe. At this point I strongly believe it seemed like I was pleading her to come with me, and gave me this look and said "But we can still go out other time, right?". I realized quickly I was stupendously quickly fucking up and let it go. I was sitting in front of her at the table. Not a good place for kino.

I decided to walk her to her friend. The city isn't exactly safe close to the park at night and used the chance to tease her a bit more. Here are some things I threw during the conversation:

"Is your friend hot?"

"Oh she came out to you? Something like 'I think about you when I rub one'?"

"No, tonight you touch yourself thinking about me."

Most of these I didn't really didn't care to see her reaction, just kept walking naturally. The whole thing took around two to two hours and a half. I wasn't expecting, and didn't want this to last more than an hour, but I guess I lost track of time and actually had some fun.

No kclose, no fclose. Game Over

Continue?

Here ends the thing and the first date in a long time. It was refreshing to have the attention of a woman 8 years younger after being a sexless, chub fat slob. It was a very good reminder that I'll fuck up a lot more in the future and that there is quite the long road ahead of me but people are starting to notice the monster.

Improvements I noticed in retrospective:

  • Be a lot more subtle with the innuendo- It's very likely I came off as too crass which can be easily confused with neediness (or might actually be lol since no sex since ex).
  • Approach kino more naturally- The few I managed didn't feel natural As a result the whole thing didn't feel like it had spark for me. I didn't feel electricity at all.
  • Shutting up is an art onto itself - I struggled with this even fully knowing that interrupting her to tell a stupid story, even when it lead to her laughing, was most likely a mistake.
  • The moment you THINK of repeating an statement that received a negative, stop yourself there since it's very like you are going to plead. Even knowing full well that your words should not come off as questions, it's very likely you'll do this until you practice manly assertiveness.
  • (Edit) Bit more text play in between arrangement and first date? Just to let her know she's not the one getting flaked. This was a close call and another one actually flaked most likely because they thought I became disinterested. I took this directly from her message: 'No communication. Your fault'

Edit: Formatting, additions


[–]RedUtopia 190 points191 points  (2 children)

These failure field reports are just as helpful as the successful ones because you clearly see what works and what doesn't. Thank you for sharing your story, man. Hope everyone can learn from your mistakes and not just you.

[–]Valenx_Ackerman 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I see this kind of tales more realistic and constructive than the "succesfful" ones where a nerdy nice boy turns into alpha in less than a year (even a few months, as if you could see really visible/drastical physical changes in a month) and bangs every single girl he approaches, it seems like this guy wants attention and approval from a bunch of randomy guys in the Internet telling him how Chad he is when sadly most of the times the tale is 100% imaginary...

[–]Shanguerrilla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree man.

I may just be a dick akin to gramar nazi's... I really only have complaint with the idea this is a "failure", it's kind of foundationational to me to prefer to think/act and now teach a young son a rolling motto of 'doing our best now'--means 'success' as well as 'our best' REQUIRES failing. Again and again-- making mistake after mistake after mistake and getting back up and doing our best now.

It's how we succeed as men, we keep getting up, keep learning, keep progressing, keep re-creating and rearming ourselves.

Rambling that to ramble to this- I completely agree with you. In fact, I think that this FR is MORE useful than the majority of ones upvoted at or higher than this that we'd all unilaterally call "success" but may be unrealistic (or maybe for most guys: here, now...unlikely and unwittingly some internet guy's 1 out of 100 million, once in a lifetime "successes").

I just recognize that OP here is doing a damn good objective and subjective job, he's making the right mistakes, learning the right lessons-- taking notes and turning pages.

That's "success" and the direction/path to succeeding in any thing we value and work toward or ever DO succeed in- as a man. Least that's how I've always felt and tried to teach my son.

[–]sadshark 124 points125 points  (9 children)

You did good, my dude, you did good. The fact that you managed to cold approach her and get a date out of it after 6years of 'isolation' is an achievement in itself.

Here's my take on the whole thing:

1) She showed massive interest by coming at the park with extra shoes for later. She really wanted you but you fucked up along the way. You're probably not comfortable with touching her and that can show and she can sense it if it's awkward.

2) You should've kissed her while in the park before eating. Sit on a bench, make her sit on your lap ("that sit is reserved, come here"), kiss her. That's all you had to do instead of talking so much.

3) There's no such thing as being crass if your frame is strong enough. You can literally say anything if your frame is strong.

Overall you did good and I think you only lack in the kino department and you dont have the balls yet to pull the trigger when you clearly have the finger on it. Keep practicing, keep fucking up until it becomes second nature.

Call the girl, set up another date. If she says no or has other plans delete her number. If she agrees dont aim to kiss her, aim to fuck her. Good luck.

[–]fuckedupintentions 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Your 3rd point. This. I can't count all the times when I held myself back thinking "this might be too quick/ sexual/ etc. Looking back my frame probably actually wasn't strong enough which is why I slowed myself down.

It is amazing with how much you can get away if you just own it. Even if the woman might be pissed at you for saying something utterly offensive, she will remember you as a man with a strong frame, who is not intimidated by her being offended or loud or aggressive and who owns what he says and takes responsibility for it.

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Thank you, good friend! I'll take these words to heart.

Although I don't think I can pull the sit on my lap thing and kiss her at the same time since she's slightly taller than me lol

[–]DoneScannedIt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think I can pull the sit on my lap thing and kiss her at the same time since she's slightly taller than me lol

Depends what you are kissing

[–]Shanguerrilla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Although I don't think I can pull the sit on my lap thing and kiss her at the same time since she's slightly taller than me lol

Damn... you definitely could have if we didn't all now know you're a bit insecure about pulling her there and base it on your height!

Seriously though---great post, great report, GREAT job getting back out there dating, great first date, great job improving yourself and great job listening to criticism and using it constructively man.

You're fucking on target. I don't say all those "great"'s to kiss your ass, I just wanted to close with the fact that I could tell you were a bit 'down' on yourself, a bit insecure or overly self-critical.... here it comes out again.

And I have to say- you are making the right and GREAT mistakes if this is one or any kind of 'failure'.

The goal wasn't to get married or fulfill some expectation from you or anyone. You're making great mistakes, keep fucking going because you're clearly on the right track and taking huge strides.

I hope to fuck-up and keep learning from them my entire life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Loser mentality!! Come on, you know you can do it.

[–]wheresMYsteakAt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How tall are you? You still might be above her is she is sitting in your lap depending.

[–]Pushthepedal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe she was just hungry

[–]Rezi89 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Particularly enjoyed the note about the cat.

Joking about touching yourself on the first date is risky... But hey, we all have our own style.

Be careful with the volume of innuendo, not just the content. If you're trying to convey a light IDGAF strategy innuendo can come across as too try hard, imo.

Interesting read though. Good luck with future endeavours.

[–]albino_red_head 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you're trying to convey a light IDGAF strategy innuendo can come across as too try hard, imo.

I could see a good way to handle it comically since it was just a walk in the park, just picking on her over orgasming thinking of the tame date.

[–]vega-mgtow 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I enjoyed your post, some parts a bit painful to read, but genuine. Most of us have made some of the same mistakes. The most common is to linger or to over invest on her. Best to next and move on if things don't look like they're flowing. It's a numbers game.

[–]Shanguerrilla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the best advice, at least personally what I've REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR EVERY TIME I stated fucking a new girl.

Knowing that as I do, fucking hope I can 'tell myself' that from now on.

[–]Pushnikov 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I make a lot of eye contact. I usually pass it off by saying, “You’re obviously not used to guys who listen to you.” But in a firm and playful voice. You shouldn’t feel the need to break off eye contact. You can say other things, but that’s my go to, and helps you maintain that you know what you’re doing and she does not.

Lawn game opportunities could have been better. It’s usually romantic, lots of chances for kino, and it’s playful.

Some ideas: Show her something on your phone of a fun trip and maybe she will get close to you and kino you by the nature of having to look over your shoulder. You could’ve brought dinner back to the park if it was close enough and done an insta-picnic. I think you could’ve kissed her on the lawn if she was letting you touch her.

Great job. My brother is going through something similar and I know it’s not easy.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]askmrcia 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't day date unless she's already putting out.

Only exception is if it's a Sunday. Because most people have to work the next day and Sundays you can still do some weekend activity.

Day dating on Saturday is the worse thing you can do unless you know that she will be with you in the evening.

The worse thing is to day date on a Saturday only for her to go to some club or hookup with another guy after you.

[–]BobbyPeru 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Yeah, lots of awkwardness and forced stuff. You were trying too hard. But, the important thing is you got your feet wet. Just keep practicing, and you will master it. It takes balls to write a failed close date. Good job.

[–]oytrp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Looks like you are seeing the fuckups, which is much better than all the "WHAT DID I DO WRONG :(" posts.

Just keep re-calibrating, you'll find the sweet spot.

The things that jumped out to me most, you already touched upon:

  • Kino is probably THE most important thing to ramp up sexual tension. Keep practicing it and go through the progression (light touches when making a point, to hand on small of back, to hand on knee etc) and watch her receptiveness

  • Never communicate overtly with women. There really isn't even a reason to use innuendo until you establish a sexual vibe. Let the kino build the tension.

[–]Kyson5 19 points20 points  (0 children)

6 years, and this is worst you could do?

That only means it will be better the next time you cold approach, you seem to know what not do do now, but if there's one thing I suggest:

For god sake don't buy her food.. That in itself is a shit test that too many guys fail

"Oh you just met me? You're feeding me now".. Ask yourself, if any random person came up to you on the street and demanded you buy them food, or follows you into the burger joint, and after you tell the cashier what you want, they chime in with whatever they want to eat.. You wouldn't pay for them would you?

[–]Sexandswishers 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Read the headline and got excited. I’m looking foreword to leaving my LTR soon as well. Good job on getting out brother

[–]ToryTosh1922 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Dude thank you for your honesty.

As you can probably tell, you have a long way to go. I do too. Have you read How to be a 3% Man by Coach Corey Wayne?

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I haven't. I'll check it out as soon as I get the chance now.

[–]ToryTosh1922 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great bro.

Feel free to PM me future FRs and I'll PM you mine so we can share experiences and get better together

[–]SnickeringBear 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Shutting up is an art onto itself"

Enough said.

[–]Vakleri 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd always aim for a kiss the first date and a lay the second. Seems to work pretty well for me and first dates should be about getting to know her. Sticking your dick in crazy is the last thing you wanna do.

[–]suitcasecity 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I cringed reading this. But it’s a good start for sure. A tip: if you said something cringy and only realized it after, own it playfully. Never make it seem like that you think what you said yourself is weird. If you’re confident in your cringyness, she’ll respect it.

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ha! Of course you did. What else did you expect from a newbie report?

I assure you, though, you didn't cringe as much as I did when redacting it.

[–]oooKenshiooo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A lot has already been said, but let's see if I can chime in with a few fresh additions

Be a lot more subtle with the innuendo- It's very likely I came off as too crass which can be easily confused with neediness (or might actually be lol since no sex since ex).

Being crass is high risk and high reward. You might have to soften her up a bit first. A good way is to get her to talk about her weirdest / best hookup or anything kinky. If she senses she can be open with you, she will let her guard down, talk dirty and accept being talked dirty to. I told a girl, after I kissed her: "Let's go to my place so I can fuck the soul out of your body".

However, you need to give off ZERO judgementallity. Even if she told you she likes to shit on persian carpets, your reaction should without so much of a flinch.

Approach kino more naturally- The few I managed didn't feel natural As a result the whole thing didn't feel like it had spark for me. I didn't feel electricity at all.

If you cant integrate kino into the conversation naturally (like fistbumping for awesome jokes/stories), use it as a rapport break instead.

Example: If there is a pause in the conversation hold out your hand for her to take it. She will absolutely shit test you for it. "What? What do you want?" "Hold your hand." "Why?" "What? You afraid people are gonna judge you for holding hands with an old fart like me?"
Do not take your hand away, do not ask again. Maintain eye contact. She will give in. If she doesn't, she has to be an absolute bitch about it and probably was a lost cause from the get to.

Shutting up is an art onto itself - I struggled with this even fully knowing that interrupting her to tell a stupid story, even when it lead to her laughing, was most likely a mistake.

Never interrupt to please, just to tease.

Example: "So, I used to be in this open relationship..." "Awww, fuck all that noise, open relationship girls are the WORST!"

(Edit) Bit more text play in between arrangement and first date? Just to let her know she's not the one getting flaked. This was a close call and another one actually flaked most likely because they thought I became disinterested. I took this directly from her message: 'No communication. Your fault'

Let's be real here, she totally flaked on you. It was HER fault and a gigantic shit test. And you passed with flying colors, because you made her come to the park. You turned a flake into a date by maintaining frame and abundance – and you deserve a medal for that, good Sir.

[–]0fficialRider99 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m a lil rusty too but a little dread game always brings them back. Also I’d rather let my intentions be known ya know, like yea I wanna be more than friends(prolly fuck) and have the balls and confidence to be forward. Go hard or go home. Lastly, abundance mentality is everything. Makes me not give a fuck about whether she wants to chill with me or not. Because odds are there are chicks out there that do. I’ma 5’11 light skinned guy with a decent amount of muscle, a six pack, actual hobbies not forced ones for approval, a job, dope sense of style, and goals. Not to mention the mindset of a TRP member. Any L that I take is temporary. Won’t be hard to find another chick with all this going for me. Especially with the lack of competition out there that doesn’t have even half of these💯😂👌🏾

[–]Ripsaw1990 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was in same boat as you, got divorced and dating was tough. Just keep plugging away and soon you'll be laying more pipe than you dreamed of. Experience with a woman puts you at huge edge from your dating experience before your ex-wife. My only real advice is go to Thailand before you find an LTR, you will the have time your life.

[–]maantrade 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed this because this is about how I imagine things going for me. Its also kind of like the amateur gonewild account, after too much professionally made porn. Thanks for sharing.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

randomly fool around like I would with regular guy friends.

heh. I know the point of this, but fuck man, she busted ass to make it, and you let her down dude... unless you fuck your guy friends, in which case, good job.

I'll finish now, this is a long one

[–]Robster25 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try to focus on the present moment when you are with a girl. You are overthinking way too much. If you talk to her, say what comes to your mind regardless if she likes it or not. If she likes you she doesn't care if it's funny or not. If she doesn't like you...well, tough shit. There are others who will like you.

[–]beto_747 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Texting 15 min before after not texting for 2 days. From younger girls you’ll get that response every time, they will be like “what, thought we weren’t gonna meet because you didn’t say anything” —

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This, along with just how much Kino makes our breaks your escalation, was one of my main takeaways from this experience.

[–]beto_747 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’d say you have to calibrate, perhaps use text for 90% logistics but 10% reinforcing the date and keeping them aware that it’s still on.

[–]ManguZa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"she asks me why I'm looking at her so much"

What ?! It's you that look at me without stop ! (which it's true else how can she know you look at her?)

[–]RossDDMarshalls 1 point2 points  (2 children)

No kclose, no fclose.

From my reading, a first kiss before a first fuck tends to reduce your odds of fucking unless the kiss is happening during the day of fucking. A "kiss close" seems to be a fool's goal, unless your goal is to kiss and not to fuck.

This idea is supported by Blackdragon if you want a reference.

[–]WellShit23 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do you have a link to what he said? Genuinely curious.

[–]RossDDMarshalls 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Blackdragon is a blogger. I forget linking rules, so here's an excerpt:

Kissing is a big topic but suffice it to say in my extensive testing, kissing a chick on a first date where sex does not occur actually reduces the odds of you ever having sex with her. So unless you’re a one-night-stand or first-date-lay kinda guy, don’t kiss on a first date, but do everything else (sex talk, kino, make her laugh a lot, etc).

Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, and I have had sex with women I did kiss on the first date when the sexual fires between us were just unbearable, but those were the unusual exceptions. 99% of the time, I do not kiss on a first date, and I get laid A LOT. At least 80% of the time, if I kiss on the first date, I lose the lay. So don’t kiss, give her a big hug, and get the hell outta there. Worry about kissing on the second date when you going to escalate all the way to sex.

Remember this is just for the first date/first meet. The second date is a completely different story. That’s when you not only kiss, but move all the way to sex, and do so as quickly as possible.

[–]MCFlyt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This really reads like a first date after a long time. You are at the start and you gotta learn the dance between you and her again. It’s not called an art for no reason.

Just a few tips to probably accelerate the process.

First your question: yes you MUST text her in between. Once a day should be enough. If you’re bad at texting you should never write back and forth with her. Always wait at least about the same amount of time she does + 10 mins or so. Ask less questions, assume more. Texting can be a bitch nonetheless.

I’d never overtly say things about masturbation, sex, fucking especially in daytime at a park, these things must always be implied or brought up in a context where it’s not the main part of the sentence or the topic. Be careful, it looks very uncalibrated especially if you do it too often.

More importantly learn a few things by heart, that help you escalate verbally. If you warm her up verbally before, she will be receptive to kino. Otherwise she may be but she’ll think it’s out of the blue. Still better then not escalating though.

Next thing is, start out casually like you did but then after a maximum of 30 mins small talk or letting her tell something about her, switch to a more seductive vibe with tone, eyes and smile. You should have some lines, games, etc ready to do this smoothly. You can do it without it but then you have to come up with some shit on the spot, you can do it if you’re very witty though.

In your report it sounded like she wondered why she was there because you didn’t escalate besides some overt statements. If she tells you she likes you and she shows up besides not being ready before, that shows that you had a lot of leverage, probably because of your confidence initially (she could also be bored enough to just show up). You gotta use it. My first date was like that too, so the second time I realized it didn’t go anywhere, I just decided to walk to the park and kiss her even if it’s awkward. So off we went to the park, sat on a bench, she talked. I laid my finger on my lips said “pssshh” and kissed her. What helped was a sentence I once heard: women don’t care about the logical connections of the verbal interaction, they don’t think “oh he was just talking about his hobbies and now he’s kissing me! That makes no sense, I’m going to reject him!”, they just realize the step forward and their brain switches to the new stage of the interaction, she actually thinks “oh we’re kissing now. Ok” That’s you leading, setting the tone and taking the steps forward, she just determines if you’re worth following. If you’re high value, she will let you lead. Failing to kiss her is failing the date. Don’t reject yourself. She’ll respect you more for trying and not succeeding than not trying, and more importantly, so will you. Be bold in key moments.

Now something very important. Always assume she’s interested and be cocky. I have a friend who’s not very good at talking seductive and only sometimes witty, but he’s got the attitude “you just gotta pretend that you’re the shit” and he does always, I mean like 6 times a month, that’s how many dates he gets, at least kiss the girl on the first date. Last week he got a BJ in an open parking lot because of just escalating and not giving in to her shit tests. They tell him he’s short (he’s average) and all kinds of shit and he brushes it off like Donald Trump with the Rosie O’Donell scene in his debate. It just rolls of his back but he had to learn it in the last months, like you will, and like I did.

Generally: 2.5 hours without a real escalation is way to damn long! Your time should be more precious to you.

If you don’t feel the spark, provoke her with your own shit test, you will see her eyes light up a bit, from there it builds. The art is always in push-pull. You’ll get it in a few weeks, and master it very soon.

Don’t sexualize too much before in private, you’ll kill the vibe. Always tease.

If she wants to pay, let her! Girls hate it, if you pay for them. One of my first GFs told me, she feels like I’m paying for her to stay and she’s feeling like a prostitute. Let her invest, which can be verbal (i.e. she says she likes you), physical (she touches you), time (she shows up, you’re her highest priority!), money (she pays, presents etc). In your Situation it reads like you showed a very beta part of you because of not escalating, and through paying you manifested that. Tip when going for drinks “I pay the first round, you’ll pay the second”.

Read “no more what ifs from u/heathcliff

Another guy said you should say “sit on my lap”, you can also say “give me your hand”.

I don’t think you should say anything you want, they said you can if your frame is strong enough. Yes. But it won’t necessarily be the most intelligent thing you can say. Err on the side of boldness but don’t be a social retard.

Just my two cents, hope it’ll help. Good luck, enjoy the journey.

[–]makethemflaunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best kind of initial kino contact point is the shoulder IMO. Like faux pushing or slapping someone by hitting them in the shoulder with the back of your hand. Then move to similar movements for the forearm. Then move to the wrists and hands, by inspecting bracelets, tattoos, rings. Then hair.

Work the extremities and work your way in. You gotta warm them up. Sounds the same for your 'direct comments.' Sounds like you did good by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and being willing to go there. And soon it will be time to calibrate.

[–]reborn-phoenix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see this a lot, text only for logistics, it really doesn’t work for new girls, maybe it is good for established plates. Girls expect some texting to make sure that you are not some weird creep and that you have some interest. If you don’t contact them and suddenly hit them with lets meet at x place, they think that they were a backup plan for you. Just text a little bit, establish interest for next date, and you can even slightly sexualize to make sure that it is not a “friendly grab-a-drink” date. It also sets precedence for kino/escalation during the date.

[–]ArchetypicalDegen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There were definitely cringey parts to this whole thing. The pleading was definitely a mistake, and probably undid a lot of work. If she had a prior engagement, it would have been way better to avoid inviting her back. You could have used it as an opportunity to show an abundance mentality.

Also in general, being too crass is not great unless she shows that she likes that sort of humour.

I don't think it's a complete loss, though. Ask her out on another date to see where that goes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try laughing at her.

[–]Cptn_Jib 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"some 6 years ago" like you don't remember. You ain't fooling anybody man