It's been close to 6 years since I had an actual date with a woman other than my exwife. We got a divorce that I might recount on another FR. But the relevant part is just that: I'm as rusty and blue-minded as an unpainted iron statue of Justin Trudeau left in the rain while the next Olympic games arrive.
How I got there
I started approaching random strangers in order to lose approach anxiety. Since I work close to a college, those are high in volume and remarkable quality. One such girl was this one I met while buying a drink at a 7-eleven. I did get a #close, in spite of the awkward approach. The whole interaction couldn't possibly have lasted more than 5 or 7 minutes since we did this while waiting on the queue to pay our drinks.
A couple of days after getting her number I messaged her to set up a meetup. Following the advise of avoiding dinner dates and using messaging only for logistics I invited her to a walk on the main city park. She agreed and we left it at that.
Two or three days later, on the day of the date, I message her about fifteen minute before the agreed hour and she responds something like "Oh you did go there!" Here's a small transcript:
Her: What! You didn't answer anymore, so I thought I wasn't going to see you. 😳 [flushed emoji]
Me: Wow how little trust
Her: Not my fault! We don't know each other after all haha
Me: Well. I'll be around for a while if you decide to show up.
Her: No communication here tho
Her: I'm quite far tho
Me: I even went ahead and made the perfect weather (I wanted to purposefully had her walk with me on a day with 50% chance of rain and 50% chance of perfect weather, and I let her know that)
Her: Hahahaha you didn't do anything
Her: I'll get ready, I hope I find you. If I don't, well whatever lol
I spent the following one hour and a half approaching random strangers, among those: a clearly troubled dude gulping down a liter of goddamn ice cream by himself, a married woman with the husband nearby and a bunch of church girls doing their thing.
She arrives with a bag and extra shoes. After the park she's going somewhere else with one of her girlfriends. A nightclub? Most likely, but I didn't care much. The sole fact she showed up was an IOI into itself.
We proceed to walk inside the park with no actual objective in mind. I'm just thinking of going to one of the landmarks. Along the way she suggests some places I didn't know about the park and we go there. During this, we are walking at a leisure pace and just talking about stuff. I do my best to let her talk about anything she wants, trying to lead the conversation into her character, what she likes to do and things she does.
It seems I clearly was at the right moment at the right place when I asked her number. Just out of college, bored out of her guts and broke with the college boyfriend just right after leaving the college. She currently enjoys the work/eat/sleep/repeat lifestyle.
After some walking, laying in the grass and talk some more with some lame ass kino approach, I decide I'm too hungry and the thing too stale to keep there. I also remember the lead her to other places thing and take her to a burger place just outside the park.
I do some talking, but in retrospective it was very awkward and I might have reeeally went too forcefully with the whole innuendo. Might have been too crass without outright saying "I'm going to fuck you". At least she got the message lol.
All along the way, I playfully tease her, poke her and just randomly fool around like I would with regular guy friends. Although she doesn't reply much in kind, she doesn't try to please. I don't either, tho. I was never into boot licking even in my blue-pilled days with other guys, so it translated easily with women.
Once at the burger place I pay for both burgers. She wanted to pay for her, but I decided to pay for her since she showed interest in getting there in the first place. I didn't let her know that, tho.
We talk some more, eat half my burger because I've been eating on a very hard deficit (1600kcal) for the past three months and the fucking burger is humongous now. During the thing she says she's more into dogs than cats and she actually dislikes cats. I make a playful scene out of that because it turns I have one very asshole cat, which I'm never leaving because the motherfucker was the one that accompanied me through my divorce.
A noteworthy thing is that a couple of times before, but specially during the dinner at the burger place, she asks me why I'm looking at her so much. I've been doing lots of eye contact now. In retrospective I might have overdone it and should have mirrored more her breaking of eye contact, or asking why I was staring so much was a shit test. I'm unsure. She did mention she liked me after I said I liked her because something, can't remember what.
So, at this point I'm trying to get her to my place with a lame 'lets go have some tea' excuse. But she didn't bite and her friend was actually waiting for her nearby and she called to let her know that. They were going to a party? A nightclub I believe. At this point I strongly believe it seemed like I was pleading her to come with me, and gave me this look and said "But we can still go out other time, right?". I realized quickly I was stupendously quickly fucking up and let it go. I was sitting in front of her at the table. Not a good place for kino.
I decided to walk her to her friend. The city isn't exactly safe close to the park at night and used the chance to tease her a bit more. Here are some things I threw during the conversation:
"Is your friend hot?"
"Oh she came out to you? Something like 'I think about you when I rub one'?"
"No, tonight you touch yourself thinking about me."
Most of these I didn't really didn't care to see her reaction, just kept walking naturally. The whole thing took around two to two hours and a half. I wasn't expecting, and didn't want this to last more than an hour, but I guess I lost track of time and actually had some fun.
No kclose, no fclose.
Here ends the thing and the first date in a long time. It was refreshing to have the attention of a woman 8 years younger after being a sexless, chub fat slob. It was a very good reminder that I'll fuck up a lot more in the future and that there is quite the long road ahead of me but people are starting to notice the monster.
Improvements I noticed in retrospective:
- Be a lot more subtle with the innuendo- It's very likely I came off as too crass which can be easily confused with neediness (or might actually be lol since no sex since ex).
- Approach kino more naturally- The few I managed didn't feel natural As a result the whole thing didn't feel like it had spark for me. I didn't feel electricity at all.
- Shutting up is an art onto itself - I struggled with this even fully knowing that interrupting her to tell a stupid story, even when it lead to her laughing, was most likely a mistake.
- The moment you THINK of repeating an statement that received a negative, stop yourself there since it's very like you are going to plead. Even knowing full well that your words should not come off as questions, it's very likely you'll do this until you practice manly assertiveness.
- (Edit) Bit more text play in between arrangement and first date? Just to let her know she's not the one getting flaked. This was a close call and another one actually flaked most likely because they thought I became disinterested. I took this directly from her message: 'No communication. Your fault'
Edit: Formatting, additions