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Building PowerComfort (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by bot256

TL;DR The only comfort in life is found through accepting that you will never be fully comfortable

I have been struggling with this topic for quite some time, let me explain. We all instinctively seek comfort in our lives. That’s why there is the whole concept of a comfort zone and the things beyond it. And, as TRP preaches, we ought to actively seek the outside of our comfort zones, challenge ourselves to go out there and conquer the odds, actively expanding our own "comfort zone". However, that won't mean we'll never feel discomfort...

I often fear the future and what it might bring. I oftentimes get anxious about the upcoming challenges even if I don't clearly see them yet. I assume most people are like that in general. And I rarely feel fully comfortable even though there seems to be a primal instinct deep inside me to constantly seek that full comfort in life. But here's the irony of this - a man could never have full comfort in their lives:

Let's say you have everything you could have ever wanted - you have your whole life at a perfect state and you are sitting at your favorite sofa, drinking a big glass of expensive wine, the fireplace is keeping you warm, wife is making dinner, you have a great job or maybe you don't even need to work and everything is simply...perfect. But there is still no full comfort even in that perfect moment. Because, even if this perfect state of your life remains that way for many days, months or years to come, if nothing else bad happens to you, you'd still day someday. One way or another, things will crumble and the perfection will be gone. And, of course, perfection is hardly ever a thing in the life of anybody's life. And yet, we still crave comfort...

So, how can we get there? I have been thinking about it and I think there are two aspects of actually finding comfort in our lives:

Embracing the discomfort

This is where the part of getting out of your comfort zone comes into play. In fact, you are oftentimes forcibly pushed out of it against your wish...and that's okay. You have to get used to that feeling, that nasty, uncomfortable, unpleasant feeling when something is making you uncomfortable. Maybe you have lost your job or your job sucks and you need to find a new one, maybe you are on bad terms with the people closest to you, maybe there's some other challenge you need to face - embrace it, accept it, own it.

Our default setting, the default setting of our lives is to feel uncomfortable, we get thirsty, hungry, tired, horny, we need to take a piss or a shit and this is everyday - discomfort is always there but we only notice the exceptions, the things that are either bigger or simply the ones we are not used to yet. But discomfort will always be there, there will always be something in the back of our minds to bug us and this leads us to my next point...

It's all the same

Whether you have to go to a shit job but you let it slide cause you are used to it or someone close to you that has always been nice to you suddenly starts to treat you like shit, it's not that different - both things are unpleasant, both make you uncomfortable. The difference is you are used to the first one and the second one is something new to you but in their cores, it's all the same shitty feeling of something not being quite right. And, as said above, there's always going to be something "not quite right".

I suppose that the reason we (or at least I) hardly ever feel at ease and comfortable is because our idea of comfort (as our ideas of many other things, e.g. love, relationships, sex, happiness, success, etc.) is unrealistic. We all have that idea in our minds of a perfect life where we are all comfortable and shit's great but that's impossible to achieve now, is it? So comfort isn't really that, it isn't really a perfect life, it is our ability to be uncomfortable and still move on with our lives and the more we understand this and embed it in our minds, internalize it in our attitude towards life, the better (more comfortable) we'd feel in adverse (uncomfortable) situations.

P.S.

I understand that I wasn't particularly articulate in this post as I had difficulty arranging my thoughts in a logical write-up. Still, I hope you get the idea. I must also say that I am very, very far away from that "Zen" state that I am trying to put into words in the paragraphs above. In fact, this post is me trying to make sense of things and give myself a general direction and some sort of hope that it is indeed possible to be comfortable with all the uncomfortable things that are bound to come to me as well as to all of us. I'd appreciate your feedback and thoughts on the topic. I understand that this isn't strictly TRP material but I hope it finds its place on this subreddit as it seemed appropriate to me to post my thoughts on this matter here.


[–]Frodolinador 35 points36 points  (5 children)

It was a nice read! I would also like to add the action of embracing the discomfort - Voluntary discomfort. The quote by Seneca.

“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?” It is precisely in times of immunity from care that the soul should toughen itself beforehand for occasions of greater stress, and it is while Fortune is kind that it should fortify itself against her violence. In days of peace the soldier performs maneuvers, throws up earthworks with no enemy in sight, and wearies himself by gratuitous toil, in order that he may be equal to unavoidable toil. If you would not have a man flinch when the crisis comes, train him before it comes.” – Seneca

What the Stoics wanted was tranquility of the mind. Their aim was to be calm in the face of adversity. Therefore, they advocated preparing yourself for tough situations in advance.

  • underdressing for cold weather
  • going outside in hot weather
  • not using the heat or air conditioning when driving in the car
  • drinking only water
  • eating no sugary treats
  • taking cold showers
  • eating plain and cheap meals (e.g. beans and rice)
  • occasionally fasting (e.g 24 hours one day) or intermittent fasting
  • sleeping without a pillow / sleeping on the floor
  • difficult exercise - sprints, resistance training- HIIT- reaching muscle failure - stretching
  • performing in front of a crowd or other challenges that elicit fear
  • reading the comments on articles and videos on the internet to elicit anger and practice equanimity
  • commenting on political blogs on the internet and trying to maintain your cool

I could add a bigger list of some specifics "endevours" you can use as voluntary discomfort that are more aligned to this sub's focus but I don't have much time right now.

[–]bot256[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

reading the comments on articles and videos on the internet to elicit anger and practice equanimity commenting on political blogs on the internet and trying to maintain your cool

This is gold, had me laughing out loud. Aside from that, yes, it has many times been mentioned on TRP the importance of putting yourself through voluntary discomfort and I do agree with the concept.

[–]MrAnderzon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll comment to remind you about adding to the list at the end.

[–]sadshark 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I agree with all except sleeping on the floor. Sleep is crucial, moreso than food, and lack of sleep can't be recovered.

[–]Fearofthedark88 2 points3 points  (1 child)

What do you mean by “cant be recovered?” So when i sleep for 12 hours sometimes because I’m so goddamn tired and sleep deprived, I’m really not doing myself any good?

[–]sadshark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's right. I highly recommend you watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwaWilO_Pig

It will open your eyes on how sleep works on humans and how important it is for our mental health and physical health.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Back to that scene: youre wrapped up in a nice comfy blanket, drinking the best wine, fireplace keeping you warm, your hot as fuck plate/waifu is making you all some delicious steak and rice, and you're gonna fuck this nice lady after dinner.

Now rinse, and repeat the next day.

Repeat for the next month.

Repeat for the next year.

That comfortable moment... its been a year now, and youre still there. How does it feel? Probably stagnant. Probably feels uncomfortable now.. like sitting in that warm bath for too long and then it turns cold...

Challenge yourself, at least once a week. Do something challenging at least once a week and your life will be quite interesting.

[–]bot256[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

THAT

You said it best, only personal growth could consistently leave you satisfied with your life. Just like sharks need to move at all times in order to live so do we need to grow and improve so that our lives have a meaning and purpose. Thanks for your input

[–]bouldurer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this analogy. So I have this full moon technique that I follow. Every time there's a full moon, I go outside and reflect about life. Then I ask myself what cool thing I want to try and do before the next full moon.

It's alot of fun, so far I've learned dancing, cooking and Spanish. The best part is that there's about 12 full moons every year, so you're going to be doing 12 different things every year. The key is also to reflect if you did what you promised at the previous full moon: "The unexamined life is not worth living"

I've never been more happier!

[–]ChekkM8 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Long wholesome post bro, I get where you're going for in the message.

Humans are adaptable beings in every context. Perfection at its peak is tomorrows second best, we will never find perfection or contentment only the peace of a job well done. We didn't go through millions of evolutionary iterations in order to find the best environments; we change to fit said environment.

[–]gbdoragnic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I too would like a eternal source of happiness and eternal comfort, and have lived my life to maximum this principle in reality it's not that bad as long as you can accept it will never happen

> I suppose that the reason we (or at least I) hardly ever feel at ease and comfortable is because our idea of comfort (as our ideas of many other things, e.g. love, relationships, sex, happiness, success, etc.) is unrealistic.

I remember when I would go on a date, get laid and really enjoy her company but in the back of my head I knew it was fleeting my only goal at that point was to maintain what's happening , I found I could maximize this by being successful with other women.

A lot of this was fear , I was manifesting it in a way that came across as seeking happiness all the day , I'm use to working hard and troubles and when I tasted success I wanted just that.

Getting over the fear of not being able to get what you want really helped me, in the context of having a fun fling with a women, this went away once I was successful with a lot of women, than that comfort became. However it got boring, which made me realize I wasn't chasing women as much as I thought.

I found eternal comfort came from loving myself , but I had to depend on external things to be happy, As a independent person I wanted those external things to become internal (Money,friends, Women), but once I realized i had value within myself I became much happier I still enjoy those things but the level of dopamine spike is different

[–]NormalAndy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuckin' A man. This.

It is all about your response to pain.

You cannot change the fact that pain is an integral part of growth. If you desire to grow as a person, you must be able to accept painful feedback and use it to your advantage.

It is true in the way we deal with extreme life changing trauma; It's true in the way we deal with minor annoyances and distractions; It's true in the way we push out that last rep down at the gym- or not. It's the often the difference between making it through and just falling by the wayside.

Your attitude to pain and your ability to process it while holding frame is true strength. Attention, focus despite painful awareness. The tension this creates is the hardest and most important to maintain.

At the highest level, some people even embrace the pain. They go out looking for challenges to test themselves to the limit. They look for pain and failure to show them where their limits really lie.

Honestly, it makes the whole 'cold approach anxiety' seem so fucking unimporatant that reading some of the hand wringing crap on this sub makes me laugh my head off.

[–]TwistedR3ality 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I loved your post. Yeah, its truly a paradox. You said that this "isnt strictly TRP material" but even from the sidebar, we all know that philosophy is a fundamental part of TRP. Comfort can be in any form, whether its in the form of lust or wanting to do the same exercise almost everyday.

For the sake of being mentally healthy, we need some things of comfort to fall back on. There were times in my life where everyday felt like I was at war with the world. It was not mentally healthy for me. I was born from another country, unstable family, moved around alot, low self esteem...blah blah. List goes on. I became more RP when I joined the military, started lifting, but I hated feeling like everyday that I was at war with the world.

One problem is that people stagnate at those comfort points. Its dangerous to do that. Life is designed in a way where anyone can lose anything at anytime. To truly feel that we are protected is an illusion. Our wife/gf might cheat on us, our children may die in a car accident, lose our job, WWIII, the list doesnt end. . On the grand scheme of things, we do need to embrace the discomfort to truly be the best of ourselves and bitchslap anything life throws at us. My mom and sis dont have the best living situation....they are always a hot poker on me, reminding me who I am fighting for and give me a reason to be uncomfortable.

However, it doesnt have to be all woe. Let us embrace the discomfort, laugh, and enjoy the ride!! Men go out to sea and risk being taken in by a violent storm but, hey, they truly lived and accepted the discomfort. Feel like a super hero, hell, maybe wear a cape at Walmart.

[–]Disobedient_Citizen1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only real comfort for a man lies within his own independance or pursuit thereof. Financial independance, emotional independance, intellectual independance, physical health and prowess is also a form of independance, and most importantly outcome independance.

Mans struggle is against dependance on anything external to sustain his needs and wants, one must strive to achieve independance in as many facets of existence as is possible if not all.

The modern way, the feminine way, is to simply pay a master for their skills, this treats the cough but not the pneumonia. The masculine way is to slowly achieve the skills oneself and limit and eventually eliminate the dependance on the master.

Many times people get caught up in current social affairs or standing that have little substance, they see only the packaged displayed before them and miss the framework entirely. Let people say what they may and allow instant gratification and comfort to rule them, dismiss their comfort seeking influence and focus on the difficult trials that allow you to achieve independance