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Field Report[FR] A remark on how important it is to be present and do your homework. Chocolate and pastries. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by ReasonablyGoodMexica

The last field report was about how I got into a first date after much isolation from actual dating. "[FR] First date since I married some 6 years ago"(Link removed because bot) I stated that I was rusty. Truly, after the faintest sliver of light from what actual dating is, I can say I never knew how to do the thing at all!

Today, I was a bit down from the girl(Chilly) in the previous FR. She cut contact with me after disagreeing with the hour of the next date. 8pm on Sat.

Chilly: "It's too late. I don't have a car"

Me: Well, the other choice is Thursday 7pm."

-- One day later --

Me: Whoops, sat is off. Only choice is thurs at 7"

Based on the information you provided, I decided it was best for my mental health to stop all contact there.

-- Not all is gloom is you open your eyes and pay attention --

So, I decided to make some payments and headed to one of the malls nearby. Luckily, it had just stopped raining. On the way there I found this girl HB6 or 7 perhaps. Not strikingly beautiful, but pretty. Milk chocolate skin, petite and an inquisitive mien. She was eyeing the bread through the glass outside a healthy themed cafe.

I approach her making conversation about the bread. She's open to conversation and casually mentions she's waiting for the rain to subside. She didn't want to stain her white shoes. This was my cue.

--- By this point I've been doing light kino her arm. It was one of the most commented mistake on the previous FR. In response to that I've been kinoing all of my workmates. Thanks to gaying a bit with the workmates and being closer with the gals as well, the kino has been a lot easier. No unacceptable touching on work tho. No woman working there is worth my goddamn career.

I tell her I'd like to have some bread and she hesitatingly answers negatively. I just signal her and walk towards the entrance. I don't even need to check behind me, shes walking with me alright. We go inside and I pick a tray and tongs. I give the tray to her. I tell her to pick her bread and I put it in, then I chose one for me. All of the breads are whole-wheat and I know I'm not going to finish the thing, so I pick one of the small muffins. She chose a pasty.

I ask her how we're doing this and she suggests me to pay for her pasty. I tell her I'll agree if she pays for the drinks. But she says she doesn't have cash and her card won't have money till 8 o'clock. I have her try the card regardless. 'It's like they say: It's the intention that counts'. I pay for one hot chocolate and the pastries and I tell her she now owes me a drink. After that, I go get my chocolate and tell her where to sit.

Once I'm back at the table, I remove her purse from the chair next to her and sit. I didn't want to sit in front of her. Here the conversation continues and she tells me a lot about her. I continue light kino with remarks about her and shut up as much as I can. I'm pulling on a testicle and tying a knot of Tibetan silence around it in hopes of keeping my mouth shut. I've had less problem overcoming fear of death than suppressing the impetus to speak.

--- Didn't think about the table thing beforehand, but in that instant I thought it would have been a good idea to explicitly tell her where to sit. I'll keep doing that in the future. As for the chair and her purse, the experience from the previous date had me dread the front sit a lot. I've read having your whole body face the other party can be overwhelming and detrimental. It also definitely hindered my chances of kino previously. She also started mentioning that I look at her too much. Thank you good friend for suggesting the 'I see you're not used to having people actually pay attention to you'. It worked wonders.

The conversation flowed well and I got to know her quite well. She's a public servant, no nightlife, alcohol, smoke. Not even freaking soda. She's quite the health freak. That explains her slender frame. She's enjoying the thing and I am as well. The kino on her arm has her pull it a bit towards her on occasion, but she's not complaining.

At this point, we already shared our names. She asked for mine and forgot to give me hers, I pointed this to her to show her she was getting flustered. Playful laughter ensues. Then she asks for my age and we find out we're the same age, both 29. I explain that technically I'm 28 still, but my birthday is this weekend, so she's older by a couple of days. She gets very interested in this and tells me she's going to find my name where she works and she's going to confirm if that's true.

I tell her there was no way she's going to find me as the name I gave her is not my actual name. It's my nickname. I tell her the reason for this is that as I was beginning a new phase in my life some time ago I decided it would be best for me to adopt a new name. To honor the person I'm became now. It doesn't matter, I tell her, since she'll find out eventually and it's nothing particularly interesting. She buys this and mentions that such things are usually divorces or other such big events. cough cough. Then she asks if I'm married, quite bluntly by the way. I'm technically no longer married, as my divorce is proceeding without issues, but she doesn't need to know at this time. I said that I'm not married, that I'm single.

--- I was not bullshiting her when I said what I said. I did adopt a new nickname, a new persona for me. The old me was but a boy and now that I suffered the pain of my own rite of passage I decided I had to find a new name. It's slightly unusual where I live since it's foreign sounding.

Conversation flows comfortably and she presents an interesting shit test when I start playing with her hands. I mention that in one of her fingernails is a white dot. When we were kids, we used to say that these things meant that you had one suitor per white dot. We laugh at the absurdity. Then she mentions that she actually has one and around fifteen days she found one. At his work one other dude went to her and explicitly told her that she was pretty and approached her. I played the romcom scenario and explained how they met, married and went to a sweet beach honeymoon, returning to a movie ending back in this city. She didn't stop talking about that and I told her that he seemed like a nice guy. She deals with pretty complex economic science and the fact that he can understand that is pretty cool since I don't work on that field. "Anyways, he's just a friend" she says.

--- This was the jealousy shit test, right? I tried making fun of the happy ending scenario she was painting and overly exaggerating the thing to disney levels. When she didn't instantly shut up, I tried the more reasonable approach of siding with the guy. "He seems cool". Anyways, her last statement makes me believe I didn't do so bad in that regard.

After playing with her hands successfully, she continued the conversation about how some of her friends presented her their guy friends. By now, I started to play with my legs brushing the side of her calves. This was extremely amusing to me, because as I was now freely doing this, she was talking about how she didn't like how she wanted the relationships in life to happen naturally.

--- The leg playing was something I've never done before. But given she never mentioned, never pulled away and actually started talking more freely and comfortably, I believe I did acceptably in this regard. I did find the whole thing amusing tho, because at a certain level, the fact that we were talking was not something bound to 'happen naturally'. Not that it was bad, however. Mother mortality is something extremely natural, but our technology prevents that. In the same way, perhaps I was never meant to met her, or any other woman this way. In a 'natural' way. But it doesn't mean it's bad, for any of us.

It's been 40 to 60 minutes now and she mentions she has to leave, get a shower and ready her stuff for tomorrow. I remember she mentioned she liked teas and remember I have a very stupid excuse to invite people to my place, matcha tea. Then I remember we're stuffed from eating stone-heavy, rich-in-fiber pastries and decide it's best not to push the thing. I now reignited a bit the conversation and decide it's now a good time to tell her we need to leave.

We exchange numbers after telling her we need to do this again. She says we do since she owes me a drink. We part ways, both walking with a stupid grin.

#close, date on the spot, no kclose, no fclose

Game Over

Continue?

-- Lessons learned --

  • Paying attention to what people say opens possibilities for you -- Had I been aloof, distracted or overthinking what to say next, the moment she mentioned waiting for the rain to pass, I wouldn't have concluded she had time to spare for a drink and a dry pastry.

  • Showing control may be done in a something as simple as pointing out which table to sit -- This one I realized by accident. I've read that women want to feel someone is in control so they can relax. I believe it might be expressed in as little a gesture as this. Replicate a hundred fold and now you're the man in control. It doesn't even need to have a reason, random is reason enough if you consciously DECIDE random is good.

  • Kino is something you need to get used to by exposure -- Given the pleasant conclusion to today's event, I'm inclined to believe my little work kino experiment is working alright. I need only to keep it professional and human touch might as well open more doors for me. A little boost in charisma perhaps?

  • Shut up (Lesson Relearned) -- It works wonders.

  • Keep your place squeaky clean -- Opportunities happen all the time, and you catch them because you do your preparation. Had I been able to bring her back today, I would have had a clean place for us. I did made sure it was clean before getting out.

  • Use of aliases or fake names -- I'm now currently wondering just how much of an issue it might become if I keep presenting myself as my alias, instead of my real name. It is certainly a sign of distrust, but I really don't want to feel tied to what I was anymore. Having the inner voice use my alias has helped me cope with the amount of change in my life. In this scenario I downplayed the thing, specially saying that she'll find out eventually if she continues. Perhaps this can be a slight boon? A small provocation of curiosity to discover the true identity of this man. Or perhaps it might be more of a hindrance? I'll keep doing it and see its effects.

  • (Extra) I need to find a way to link other TRP threads. -- It seems standard linking kills the post.

Edit: formatting, I see I suck at reddit formatting.


[–]oytrp 57 points58 points  (5 children)

I tell her there was no way she's going to find me as the name I gave her is not my actual name. It's my nickname. I tell her the reason for this is that as I was beginning a new phase in my life some time ago I decided it would be best for me to adopt a new name.

Stop this retarded nonsense.

[–]3nebder 13 points14 points  (2 children)

the voice of reason appears

[–]THEdirtyDotterFUCKr 2 points3 points  (1 child)

so say the ones using online aliases and not their real names

*slow clap*

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it just so happens that mr.and mrs. Ader thought that neb was a good name. I kind of like it myself.

Don't post without all the information!

[–]THEdirtyDotterFUCKr -1 points0 points  (1 child)

There is no reason you have to use the name give to you by your parents, additionally there is no need to explain yourself to anyone, especially someone you just met. Give a her a name (real or alias). If they tell you they're gong to find you on social or mention that they can't find you. You can say you have it to private or that you don't waste your time with social.

[–]oytrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Changing your name doesn't change who you are.

That is some autistic shit.

[–]expnad 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Nice job. Do follow up for a close. Don’t use a fake name, that comes off as creepy - respect to your personal history but no need for public display. Own it.

[–]3nebder 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Don’t hide your name. Are you ashamed of yourself? Do you not take pride in who and what you are? How do you expect them creep your social media & friend you if they dont know your name.

[–]HoRaTiO12345 7 points8 points  (5 children)

Why didn't you go for the k-close at least? Escalation is vitally important.

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I believe I could have gotten away with it. But I'm going to try my luck with no kissing on the first date, then full escalation on the second. One of the commenters on my last FR recommended such approach based on a certain blogger. It seems easier that way since we both are under all the chemical influence of the kiss of a new partner and it gives her time to hamster she might want another date like the first one. The one difficulty in this approach is that the first date must go well enough. I think I'm covered in this aspect in this one scenario.

[–]3nebder 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Blackdragon 2 date method. Date 1 is time limited to about an hour. You kino & send out sexual EFAs to set the sexual tone. Date 2 is to an isolated venue like one of your houses for cooking dinner or watching a movie. Effective if you set it up from the start.

Its not a difficulty it’s a time/investment saver. First date bombs youre down an hour plus maybe a cup of coffee. Big deal

tf is that chemical influence garbage stop spergin out man

[–]Soybeanrice 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What? You want to send her off without at least a kiss because she'll want another date without a kiss?

Stop making excuses and escalate. At least then youll get the idea of whether or not you should even go out with her again.

[–]FindTheBus 1 point2 points  (1 child)

inquisitive mien aaaand it's a floridly written fantasy story, quit reading there.

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I assure you it's not. But I did learn I don't need to write the reports with so much a stupid complex prose. And shorter.

Also note I didn't get happy ending, which you would want in a fantasy story.

[–]THEdirtyDotterFUCKr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Continue with your alias, especially if it goes along with your persona. Go so far as to make Social Media with this alias. FB has an option to add a nickname (in this case use your real name as your nickname), so that current friends will see both names when you add them. after a while remove your real name.

with your Next I suggest just giving you alias and not mention you have a "real name". No one needs to know your real name IRL or online.

The only time I've used my real name in nearly a decade is when it is directly related to getting paid by check. Which has become a rare instance with app to app payments.

anonymity is a large blanket to keep you warm and away from anyone out to to get you.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No need for worry, be feel happy, fellow human.

No, really. Was it that hard to read? I mean, I know my writing isn't Nabokov level, but pass for an alien?