Blue Pill ExampleOff my chest: Why I swallowed the red pill and am trying to unplug (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by sharks_eat_potatoes

Circumstances. It's all about circumstances. Thankfully, I sought out answers to the questions I never knew I had.

A bit of context:

My father married my mother and my brother (born in a previous marriage) after falling in love with her in his early 20s. They are still married, and if you were to ask anyone of us we’d all say my mum is the boss of the house.

My dad is the bread winner. A really awesome guy. Compassionate, loyal, loving. A true provider for many decades. My mum has barely ever had a job and has been a stay-at-home mum all her life – even after my brother and I had grown up and my dad lost his job. It was his duty to provide for her and his duty to be a real man. She would berate him for failing to secure promotions in his last job and would belittle him in front of us when he failed to secure a new job. His entire worth is on him being a provider. He suddenly became worthless to her.

My dad loves my mother, and my mother loves my dad. I love them both. They have been amazing parents to me and my brother. They raised me to appreciate the value of sacrifice, family, and marriage. They raised me to be a proper beta male. All the shit my dad took off my mum, he still sacrificed himself to the marriage and was an ideal beta-provider role model for me.

In adulthood, I believed that finding the one and settling down to raise kids was my purpose in life. To be a provider and a romantic lover with a woman that truly understood me like my mother understood my father, and to have a wonderful life like my dad has. I would have a career and live to be a provider for my family. Life would be bliss...

Except, deep down, I realised on some level that this was horseshit. Utter bollocks. I could sense the resentment my dad had for my mum, and I could sense that my mum didn’t really love my dad the way I wanted to believe. It all seemed like such a hollow and meaningless joy to me. I could tell my dad had regrets. He married young and now in his maturity he probably realises this. He probably envies the fact that I am not married with kids at 29. I mean, how can you possibly know at 21 that the love of your life just happens to be the first woman you ever fell in love with?

Nevertheless I still had it ingrained that ‘the one’ was just round the corner. In my early twenties this came in the form of a childhood sweetheart who I had cherished memories of. We became a long-distance couple. She even had a son from a previous relationship – I had indeed become my own father. He was my role model, so I was only too happy to follow in his footsteps.

Personal experience:

I loved this woman. She was gorgeous, and I wanted to believe that she loved me the way I wanted to be loved. But, it didn’t work out that way. I was her beta-provider. I had potential for long term providership. She was cheating on me with alphas when we were apart. She even fell pregnant and tried her best to get me to believe I was the father. Of course I fell for it. I was programmed from a very early age to want to be a dad, and this was a woman I was head over heels for despite my deep suspicions she was using me. I quickly fell into the role of father-to-be. Told my family. Prepared for my new life as a dad. Changed my short-term and long-term life goals to suit her interests. Bent over backwards to keep hold of someone so valuable as her.

Luckily, I managed to come to my senses and paid for a very expensive prenatal DNA test, which returned the harsh truth that I was not to be a father. The harsh truth that obviously she had been cheating on me. She became aggressive once she realised I did not intend on raising this child as my own. She went right after my character and insulted my very nature. The very nature I believed she loved me for. She attacked my sexual competence. The same sexual prowess she once claimed gave her the best orgasms she ever had. She attacked my strength. She attacked my masculinity. She pretty much attacked everything that made me beta. It cut deep – the wounds of which have only just healed…2 years later.

I was angry. I had severe hatred and resentment. I blamed her and was convinced she was a narcissistic sociopathic whore. That’s probably true, in fairness. She’s married now, probably to some beta chump like me. Over time, and through reading red pill literature, I have come to realise that there’s nothing left to be angry about. No point feeling sorry for myself. With great pain comes great learning. I realised that the only person to blame is myself. I take ultimate responsibility for my actions and for my life. My programming and my upbringing has now been brought into question, and thanks to research and self-discovery I have come to the red pill with experiences of blue-pill living that absolutely correlate with the theory. I have been able to draw upon my own experiences and see that hypergamy is absolutely true. I am able to reflect upon my choices in life and see why I chose them and how they were setting me up for a life of regret.

The realisation:

Now I have a clear mindset about things. I am no longer going to accept life as a beta-provider. I will not feel shamed or rushed into finding a woman to be in a monogamous relationship with just because that’s what’s expected of me. I will not have this fear of being a single male in my thirties. I will focus on crafting the life I want and be the person I want to become.

I do not want to be my dad (as much as I bloody love him). And I will not allow myself to make the same bitter mistakes of my past relationships. One thing I am still discovering is how to be more confident with women and having the courage to find girls to have casual relationships with without getting oneitis. And spinning plates. I’ve not made huge amounts of progress yet. I still have doubts about my nature, about my sexual competence, about my masculinity, and about being a transitioning beta. But I have made huge amounts of progress just by coming to these realisations and making a definite effort to accept the realities of life.

I have enough about me to find attractive girls and to act attractively. The only thing I need to do now is to act upon this. I am fucking nervous, man, but I know that a steady sea never made a skilled sailor. The only way for me to become the person that I want to be and live a life that I want is to do what I have always been afraid to do. To do what I’ve always been told is wrong. To escape my comfort zone. To just not give a fuck and be my true alpha self – not this programmed beta I have been for 29 years.

You get me?

[–]GetGudAtLife 114 points115 points  (7 children)

Another word of advice from a guy just starting out like you: don't punish yourself for being beta. If at some moments you're not 100% a giga chad thundercock that's totally fine. Changing your being is a slow process, and trying to force it will lead to your brain fighting itself and getting nothing done. There is a real part of you that is beta and accepting it is a lot better than running from it, or fighting it.

[–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. A phrase I think is relevant here is "what you resist persists".

Growth takes patience and persistence. This can be accomplished as long as the end goal is known or the reasons for doing so are clear. Like studying for an exam, going to the gym or taking driving lessons. The danger is getting disheartened or fear of failure - but once you have accepted the truth then there really should be no turning back.

[–]Psycholephant 14 points15 points  (1 child)

We've been led to believe that Alpha=good, Beta=bad. The true answer I've found is that Alpha and beta are just a spectrum for a multitude of attitudes and characteristics and something else that holds true for everything else in the universe, balance in all things. Extremes are never good, an extreme alpha ends up in prison and an extreme beta is a limp-dicked obese dude with man-tits in his mom's basement who's too afraid of the world to do anything with his life. There are times when the situation calls for an alpha mentality and some situations call for a beta mentality.

Criticism is welcome.

[–]SeedThrownAway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The only criticism I can think of is actually just a caveat. Always be aware of whether or not you're using balance as an excuse not to live on the edge of your reality.

If you're naturally lazy like me, balance feels like grinding every minute of the day, at least until my work tolerance is increased.

[–]Flintblood 5 points6 points  (1 child)

We read often that we should aim for 80/20. 80% alpha, and 20% beta when needed if we want to build comfort or maintain a LTR.

[–]SeedThrownAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or just to feel. Beta to me is a way of describing relaxation and passivity. Sometimes you need to just chill, although it's usually best to schedule this time

[–]OfficerWade 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can still Nurture your beta instincts. So for example you wouldn’t turn down a raise at work because you don’t want to be a beta provider- that’s not normal. You wouldn’t turn down a fun trip to the beach because you wanna seem manly and defiant staying home alone at the fort- that’s not normal. The child in all of us needs nurturing we just need to stop them from driving the bus.

[–]voxiqs 51 points52 points  (3 children)

You should be celebrating that barely missed train wreck

[–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

With my new found knowledge and the ability to reflect upon how shitty my life could have been - I am definitely making the most of that missed train wreck!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    None of us really care that you might have had your life ruined by a women

    I know this. Why would I think otherwise?

    We just want the truth.


    You’re not better off now then you were yesterday

    You don't know this. You're just speculating.

    Just look at how you feel.

    How I feel can often have no correlation with the truth. Women use their emotions and feelings to make judgements, I use facts and logic.

    Come back when you have at least gotten laid.

    I am going to give you some credit here and say that the jist of your message is to go out and get laid and stop trying to make myself feel better by talking to redditors who have been in a similar position or who have experience of the red pill. Yes, action is always better than reading and talking, but they also have their place - otherwise what is the purpose of having such a subreddit? And reading some of these responses has made me feel a lot of confidence in trp. So I'll go and get laid now...

    [–]chart6653 29 points30 points  (1 child)

    It was huge that you made it out without having kids, what a disaster that could have been. If they are still part of your plan, at least you can have them on your terms now and with RP enlightenment

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Exactly...the thought now of what could have been fills me with dread, though at the time I definitely wanted it.

    I want to have kids one day, but as you said on my terms and hopefully at a point in my life when I am actually ready for them financially and in maturity. If that doesn't happen then I'm cool with that too.

    [–]TheGoblinTurkey 26 points27 points  (2 children)

    Impressed with your mature acceptance of the past and ownership of your own failures.

    The gym is the best thing for you now, build yourself into a new man.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Thanks TheGoblinTurkey.

    It's been a long process but in the end reading stoic philosophy and accepting the truth is what helped. I started lifting a year ago and have made good progress at the gym. I used to do a lot of martial arts training so was in good shape - now I'm bulkier but less mobile. Need to find a balance that works for me (cardio/flexibility v strength). I'm aiming to get down to 16% body fat and squat 150 kg, bench 90 kg, deadlift 200 kg, and press 65 kg - whilst also being able to do 20 pullups, 20 chinups and run a 5k in 20 mins. Still plenty of work to do...

    [–]ZeppKfw 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Really agree with going to the gym. Gyms are always there for you.

    [–]angeltruck 54 points55 points  (2 children)

    I'm sorry that all this happened to you but I'm proud of you for your positive mindset going forward, there's a lot that you've learnt from this that you can bring into your future interactions. I think it's always a really sad and unfortunate thing when people can't accept personal responsibility for their own actions and failures just as how she attacked you and your personal qualities when really it was her who cheated on you, lied to you, etc. Yes, women are hypergamous in nature but it doesn't forgive or excuse her actions/abusive behaviour and you shouldn't invalidate how you feel about how she treated you - you do deserve to be angry & hurt but I like how you're directing all that negative energy into something positive and constructive for yourself. I wouldn't let her actions alone cloud all your interactions with women however, women are different people after all and to look at them as one dimensional beings is pure oversimplification. I think the best thing that can be taken out of TRP, is actually a genuine sense of self-worth which you seem to be developing so congratulations and good luck. You're still young, you seem like a good person and you've got a good head on your shoulders so I've got a lot of hope for you. Let me know how it works out :))

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

    Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it. You may not realise it but your words have really helped me :)

    [–]jonpe87 20 points21 points  (3 children)

    "She even had a son from a previous relationship"

    A single mon is a perfect bait for betas. They will treat you as a human being, they make you believe that she is different, she plays with you, laugh of everything you say, seems horny whatever you are horny... I came to a point that I know if a woman has a kid just by the way she talks with me. Because in the market place she has low value by have a kid, so she just compensate.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    That's actually very accurate from my own experience

    [–]jonpe87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, my beta friends are all in ltrs like this with HB5/6, even 8/9 change when they have a kid.

    [–]ShavedApel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    They will treat you as a human being

    Whenever a woman that is slighlty higher SMV than yourself is acting decent and friendly you know they are a single mothers.

    [–]solitudeisunderrated 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    I mean, how can you possibly know at 21 that the love of your life just happens to be the first woman you ever fell in love with?

    Furthermore, as the great philosopher Seinfeld pointed out, how can one possibly believe that tens of millions of people find the love of their lives every year. Among billions of people, maybe a couple hundred of them find the love of their lives, but all of them, really?

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    The idea of 'the one' is nonsensical. Famous philosopher Seinfeld has a good point

    [–]TealTrees 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    M8 be glad you went with your gut - there are thousands of men out here who have been made a fool, a pseudo-father raising another mans seed because they never got a DNA test... You have only just begun and yet you've made leaps and bounds others could not. Chin up, keep walking.

    [–]oooKenshiooo 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Dear OP,

    you dodged a bullet and you lived to tell the tale. You did not get cuck-trapped. From now on, every day, you should wake up smiling.

    However, don't fall for the mystic tale of your true "alpha self". There is no such thing. There is just character traits and ingrained behaviors, some of which are typically displayed by those dominating the social hierarchy. Instead of finding that illusive alpha self, you may instead have to cultivate new characteristics and behaviours, much like growing a new organ or limb.

    Being a sensitive, decent guy like your dad is totally fine - but that should not be your only quality.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Instead of finding that illusive alpha self, you may instead have to cultivate new characteristics and behaviours, much like growing a new organ or limb

    Thanks for the insight. The reason I originally said true alpha self was because I think without any conditioning, boys are natural "alpha" males in their own right. It's only through programming and the feminine imperative that "betas" are made. But then I could be wrong. It's the whole nature v nurture debate.

    I agree that alpha/beta is just a concept used to describe characteristic traits though - and they don't exist in us like in other animals. For instance in our society it is theoretically possible to have 100% of the men being 'alpha'. Or maybe not - I'm still quite new to these ideas.

    [–]oooKenshiooo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Actually, IMO, you can not program someone to be beta. People will become beta, because being beta was a sucessful strategy in their past. Well.. not really successful, but beneficial to a certain degree. It helped them avoid pain or even gain something.

    That does not mean there are not better strategys - just that being beta worked resonably well in order not to be questioned. There was simply no need to develope and display alpha traits.

    I agree to a certain degree, though: I think everyboy has the the seed for potential alpha traits in him. Some have more of it than others. And their upbringing and life experiences will then decide what comes to fruition.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I think everyboy has the the seed for potential alpha traits in him. Some have more of it than others. And their upbringing and life experiences will then decide what comes to fruition.

    I agree 100%

    And for the sake of discussion I suspect our initial conditions (genetics, birthplace, parents) has a lesser impact upon our likelihood of displaying either alpha or beta traits than our life experiences affected by external influences (religious dogma, social pressures, societal perceptions of alpha and beta traits).

    This implies nurture has more influence than nature

    [–]Pushthepedal 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Being your true self doesn’t mean being alpha. Being alpha means being your true self and not entertaining bullshit

    [–]temerity18 11 points12 points  (11 children)

    I am in awe you got a prenatal DNA test done. You are a clever and determined man. I tried to persuade a few friends to do a DNA test on kids that are supposedly theirs. They all prefer to be blissfully ignorant. How did you get her to agree to having it done?

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 19 points20 points  (10 children)

    It was a mixture of

    1. Gut feeling (deep down I knew she was cheating on me - the signs looking back were so obvious)

    2. My brother working hard to convince me to get one

    3. Doing the most alpha thing I ever did up to that point: tell her that I demand that we get a DNA test done - otherwise I'll walk away.

    Number 3 was the hardest part. She needed to get blood taken as part of the process which meant I needed to confront her. The guilt she laid upon me was horrific - I almost caved in and apologised. Then she said we should wait until the baby is born to get it done - all because she wanted someone to support her with the birth and hope I would change my mind. But I remained strong and determined. I even paid for the test to be done and gave her absolutely no reason not to do it. Better spend 1k now than 18 years of child support for a kid that isn't mine, right?

    [–]temerity18 7 points8 points  (4 children)

    Absolutely a w e s o m e. Good you publish your experience. Let me guess: She did not show a shred of shame or remorse. Also: Her trying to anihilate your self respect when you kicked her to the curb: I think it is called the light switch effect. You are absolutely perfect when you are her boyfriend. After you break up you are a POS. It is what primitive women do. Don't take it personally.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    Let me guess: She did not show a shred of shame or remorse.

    Correct! Yep, you've hit the nail on the head with this post

    [–]temerity18 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    They somehow never show shame or remorse for attempted paternity fraud. Or procreation coertion. What is worse society, especially women, cheer them on. Empathy gap for ya. Women get empathy. Men don't.

    [–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Empathy gap, accountability gap. Many things we can call it. But don’t ever talk about it on social media or in public.

    [–]Pestilence1911 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    Your lucky man.

    In Cucknadia we have state enforced cuckdry (Chartier v Chartier) and you can be forced to pay for children that arent yours if you take a patenting role.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    That is insane. Gives a single mother the power to sniff out a beta provider, screw him over after a while of marriage, and take his money until her (not his) child is 18?

    On one hand I get why the court ruled as they did, looking at it from the child's point of view, but on the other it just seems like it could be used as a method to trap men into paying for someone else's child.

    But then maybe I'm being too cynical.

    [–]Pestilence1911 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Canada is fucked.

    If you dont raise the issue of paternity within two years and it comea back negitive your still on the hook, i mean, yeah. Sure "best interests of the child"

    But state enforced cuckoldry is just fucked, i wouldnt support a child that wasnt mine based on principal, i had to explain this to someone a while ago why paternety tests are required, and they just BP'd and said "well i trust her"

    Also its worthy to note the average male here considers being a cuck and financing the upbringimg of Chad jr a noble cause, fucking leafs.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Damn, man, that's heavy. Even more reason to get a paternity test no matter what. Though I imagine this is vehemently opposed by all mothers for 'disrupting the family circle' or that it implies trust issues. Should just be standard with all births and then the man can for decide himself whether he wants to raise Chad jr or not.

    [–]BoilingBleach 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for sharing this so others can learn from it.

    I wish you the best in your unplugged life!

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you, all the best BoilingBleach

    [–]kiwifx 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    My father married my mother and my brother

    Not sure if something got lost in translation, but you might not want to phrase this in that particular way.

    I know that a steady sea never made a skilled sailor.

    Great saying, I love this.

    Glad you're not angry about your previous LTR. That indicates that you're no longer putting women on a pedestal, or are to a much lesser degree.

    Since becoming RP-aware I'm actually thankful for all of my failed relationships, since they were excellent lessons I can look back on and think, 'Don't do that. You've done it before, and it didn't work.' So many isolated and extended BP behaviors in my life that I see clearly. I never got fucked as badly as you, or many of the guys here. That's a good thing, but those of you that did go through hell and back have far more valuable, far longer lasting lessons in your life to draw from.

    Also, top job on doing a paternity test. Bear trap defeated.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for the positive comment.

    It takes a lot of responsibility and maturity to be able to reflect rationally on our mistakes in life and accept that we should have done things differently - so that next time we do not make them mistakes again.

    Since becoming RP-aware I'm actually thankful for all of my failed relationships, since they were excellent lessons

    Exactly. I mean, it sucks at the time - all bad experiences suck - but looking back I am grateful that I was able to learn from such an experience. It eventually led me to TRP, but also gave me a chance to evaluate my life choices and make better decisions. It's ultimately making me a more rounded and mature person. Because I got the DNA test I can look back without too much loss - I have gained so much though!

    [–]GIGGA_SAND_NIGGA 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I always share this because it’s so true

    bill burr- how women argue

    You won the argument with that girl with the DNA test, you won the fight, she went off-road. When that shit happens just dodge everything. Everything that comes out of their mouth is designed to piss you off. Don’t believe any of it.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Wow this is so relevant and accurate! Very funny too! Thanks

    [–]ActiveIndividual 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    With great pain comes great learning

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    “…Circumstances don't make the man; they only reveal him to himself...” - Epictetus

    [–]Meta-h 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Man this is the stuff that sets you free and it never comes without cost. There is no man that is either Alpha or Beta, but just a mindset that allows you to exhibit Alpha or Beta actions.

    Even after spinning plates for a while (old school David DeAngelo player), getting married and then moving my marriage status to open, I oneitis blue pill fell for the first girl coming out of my marriage. She was super manipulative and had read books like 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction and she lived this stuff. She was dangerous. These girls are out there and are a whole other scary level of hypergamy.

    I bounced her even though I didn’t want to and found the Red Pill. It is not a comforting message as you stare into the abyss, but it is truth. It allows you to navigate and take advantage of the real world. I wish this existed as a younger man as it is the core of PUA.

    You’re on the right track and blazing trails.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    There is no man that is either Alpha or Beta, but just a mindset that allows you to exhibit Alpha or Beta actions.

    I agree with this. That's why it's possible to learn the alpha mindset - just like learning any new skill. It takes research and consistent practice - especially if you need to unlearn the blue pill mindset to achieve that. An analogy I can draw upon is guitar playing (sorry if this is not relevant to you). I learned to play the guitar for 7 years with a pick. Then I realised that to play the style I wanted, I needed to learn finger picking using three fingers and thumb instead of a pick. This was like learning a new instrument for the next year until it became second nature.

    Thanks for sharing your story. My opinion is that the truth - harsh as it may be - is the most important thing. Everything else is just either an illusion or masking reality.

    It allows you to navigate and take advantage of the real world

    Precisely how I feel right now

    [–]Meta-h 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Definitely, give me the unvarnished truth regardless of what it is. Society at large doesn’t agree with us right now, so it takes courage and persistence, but you can’t argue with the biological behavioral truth as evidenced by the results of TRP.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I agree! I wonder if society will ever agree with us or go the other way and totally demonise us. More scientific studies on this subject needed - but it's a taboo subject for universities and not 'politically-correct', so it's unlikely to occur in rich quantities.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thanks Ffsgoddammit - it's encouraging to read comments like this!

    [–]Tricklevent 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    same background info could apply to me, family situation etc. my red pill discovery came along slightly differently though as the woman in question was having my baby although i wasn't strong enough and was way to beta for her to consider keeping it, took her 3 months however to decide that, at which point everyone knew i was expecting. spent 3 years up until about now kicking my own ass over loss of fatherhood. i also ignored her mental health red flags among others. all i can say is be the prize, own it and become it without question. this stuff really works.

    I'm now 30, Partner at my company, lost 45kg and do as i please when i please. the women just come. But i know without that dark time, none of what i have now would have been possible and much less possible without the contributions of some of you fine fellas.

    your about to have a lot of fun man, enjoy.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    all i can say is be the prize, own it and become it without question. this stuff really works

    Thanks man, I will!

    And I'm really sorry about your shitty situation. That must be something that takes a long time to process and accept - but it seems like you have made the most of it. Also, you lost 45kg...holy shit man well done! That's a huge amount of weight to lose. You must be feeling fantastic

    [–]SlimShauny 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    As someone going through something similar, thank you. This helped put things into perspective. Wish the best for you

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you - keep working towards improving yourself and making a life you want. I know we'll both look back with gratitude on our awakening, even as it comes at the cost of short-term pain. All the best SlimShauny

    [–]I_KnowThings 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    I am going through similar phase you have gone through from about a month. I started learning about TRP one week ago. This is making me feeling better. I have been punishing my self all these days. Now I started to realise that the fault doesn't lie with in me. I have invested a lot of my ego in her. I started realising the mistaked I have been doing from TRP. Now I am starting to feel little comfortable and confident. Thanks for such a post. For people like me it gives me hope and motivation that I can recover fully from this.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Thanks, and I'm sorry you're going through a similar phase. It's a difficult journey but ultimately one which will be worth the struggle. It's a huge positive sign that you are realising the mistakes you made and can take responsibility for them. You are the master of your own life - nobody else should have the power to dictate your pain or joy in life. Likewise, there's no benefit to punishing yourself either. It's encouraging to me that people are getting this motivation from trp. Keep up the good work mate :)

    [–]I_KnowThings 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    True, no body should have power on us. Thanks mate! Trp is helping me a lot.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    All the best I_KnowThings - keep being awesome

    [–]Quo210 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Changing the deep programming is very difficult. I was lucky since an early age I refused the role of being a provider and always wished to be alone, yet the desire to help everybody even when hurting myself is just there. I have problems setting boundaries of respect and limits to other people because deep inside I was always told "not to be rude". They fucked with our minds, but we can still break the cycle. Cheers up man.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't see a problem with being a generally helpful and friendly person that does good deeds in the world. That's not against being rp surely. Helping others is a good way of helping yourself when you are hurting, actually. Doing voluntary work has been linked with improved health, for instance.

    However setting boundaries and limits to other people is definitely a must. I need to start doing this for myself too. It's about putting yourself and your own needs first and not taking shit.

    [–]Thecreator156 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Thanks for posting this. Keep hope alive bro. You dodged a bullet raising a kid that wasn’t yours. Much respect. Keep growing.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thanks Thecreator156 - much respect to you too.

    [–]HierEncore 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    thanks for sharing your story. I think it's an illogical approach to generate theories based on a single experience... every human is different, there are some trends, but that's a heck of a trap to fall into

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Yeah you're right - it's definitely illogical as it could be the exception to the rule that you have experienced. We have to try and look at it from a rational perspective and make up our conclusions based on experience of ourselves and others.

    I'm by no way saying all or even most women would act the way my ex did - but the factors that allowed it to happen would persist into my next relationships unless I made personal changes.

    [–]HierEncore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Agreed... Although I'll have to admit.. I've know extremely well raised women who put up with a lot of my faults and helped me instead of dump me... Theyre out there.. and they tend to stump a lot of this ideology

    [–]throwaway2018N 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Hey man, mad props to you for being able to stick through it all and change for the better. Hope it all works out for the best, my dude.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thanks throwaway2018N - I appreciate the positivity. I wish you all the best, mate!

    [–]drummerguy1423 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    This got me amped up. Good luck man.

    [–]BowlOfMoldySoup 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I feel sorry for that Beta Chump, but you got out alive and relatively unscathed (compared to a lot of others I have read). That is what matters.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yeah, I count myself very fortunate and am grateful for each new day that I have opportunities to live the life the way I want

    [–]tada1234554321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I am in the same fucking position, bro. Same shit. So many guys out there realizing this shit you are talking.

    Don't force it bro, just enjoy yourself, don't take shit from anybody.

    [–]ArdAtak 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    You're on your way. Hard life, harsh lessons. Glad you made it out the other side.

    [–]ZomCom13 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    You dodged a bullet OP. Never, ever, no Fucking Way do you get hitched to a Single Mom. I recommend Coach Red Pill's video on that if you need some good ol' storytime experience and facts on the matter (just as an affirmation, you already know that you did the right and smart thing).


    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thanks ZomCom13 - good video!

    [–]GhostENTJ 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    You can be a redpill provider.

    My dad was one, very successful, married and had all the women.

    You have to be discrete.

    You would not be nervous if you didn't subscribe to the woman matrix.

    Women are not malicious.

    They try to be good girls, but so many men approach them it is very hard to deny every single one.

    If she was a pathological cheater, that was your cue to cheat in peace. Instead you dropped the ball on that one.

    Would have stayed with her and got a few plates.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    I see myself being a red pill provider one day, but as another poster said I will do it on my own terms from the rp mindset. So...no time soon then.

    You would not be nervous if you didn't subscribe to the woman matrix

    I understand this. But even when Neo unplugged from the Matrix in the movie he was disorientated, nervous, probably fearful of doing actions in the Matrix even though he knew it was a simulation. It takes courage and time/practice to totally rid yourself of these fears, right?

    If she was a pathological cheater, that was your cue to cheat in peace. Instead you dropped the ball on that one. Would have stayed with her and got a few plates.

    Haha I like your thinking. Knowing what I know now, I would never have been anywhere near the situation I found myself in. I would never have got into a LDR with her - definitely not a serious one. And I would have never tolerated much of her bullshit. In fact, I specualte that I wouldn't have even got any bullshit from her because I would have acted more alpha with her and been respected a lot more. The very fact I was a beta and allowed my priorities to be so malleable just to satisfy her was a big reason she cheated on me and had a general lack of respect. The best sex and the most she ever submitted to me was when I told her off one time and stood my ground. I think she wanted me to do more of this and constantly tested me - which I failed the majority of the time. I was needy and pathetic - I should have definitely been spinning plates and accrued abundance (as well as being scarce to her). Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

    [–]GhostENTJ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    To pass the shit test you cant tuck your tail.

    So easy to fall for the victim mindset, they are girls at the end of the day.

    From this point forward dont let tears or emotions sway your mind.

    Women can't control how they react to basically anything.

    They dont know how to think then react.

    Just always ask yourself "is this a shit test she's giving me and how should I react"

    Each shit test is different. Depends on the situation a whole lot.

    Always run the conversation. Some shit test you can ignore some need to be handled directly.

    As for unsubscribing to the women matrix, the first step is being aware you in the matrix, the matrix, women dont know they are in it.

    As long as you aware of the unaware you will always be the puppet master and not a pawn in someone else game.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    One danger of having a bad experience with a women then coming to trp is that it is possible to view it through a lens of resentment.

    I have read stories about people starting to resent women for their hypergamous natures and constant shit testing which effectively misses the point imo.

    I like your point of view - they are just girls at the end of the day. With some practice, and respect for myself and the truth, then I want to be able to enjoy connections with women and enjoy playing the game with a fun and playful mindset. I don't want to take it too seriously or to become something that deep down I am not - a resentful bitter bastard - because that's not an optimal way of living.

    I guess this is the ultimate goal for most red pill dudes - to have abundance with a playful and fun mindset. To get there we must learn how to be the ones who control the variables that affect the outcomes - how to react to shit tests, developing high value, realising and increasing our own value in the SMP etc.

    [–]temerity18 -2 points-1 points  (7 children)

    "the only person to blame is myself". I disagree.

    [–]final_one 0 points1 point  (6 children)

    Then give an argument instead of a statement.

    [–]temerity18 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    The "narcissistic sociopathic whore" is to be blamed as you said yourself OP.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Thanks for your contribution temerity18.

    Well, on one hand you have a valid point. I did indeed say that she was a narcissistic sociopathic whore, and she is also responsible for cheating on me, manipulating me, and acting in an overall shitty way.

    However, I'd like to direct your attention to the famous Emmanuel Kant quote:

    “…One who makes himself a worm cannot complain afterwards if people step on him…”

    Who is responsible for my pain and suffering? Was it a woman who used and manipulated me - or was it me for allowing myself to be used and manipulated? That person's motives were to 'bag' a provider to give her greater long term security - but her sexual nature was determined by Alpha fucks/beta bucks.

    I am the one who willingly accepted this situation through my ignorance of TRP and my foolishness.

    Think about it this way:

    If someone has made you angry, then that's not their fault - that's your fault for getting angry.

    By putting the blame on others, we give them power. They have power over us because they are responsible for our pain. In a way they become our masters.

    “…Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness...” - Epictetus.

    Perhaps blaming myself is foolishness, but blaming her is just pathetic in my opinion. I was once a worm, but no longer am, so I take responsibility for my own pain, my own joy, and my own life - and nobody will ever be my master again. That's Alpha as fuck, right?

    [–]temerity18 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Quote all the philosophers you want OP, the criminal is always to blame never the victim.

    [–]sharks_eat_potatoes[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    I don't consider myself a victim ;)

    [–]temerity18 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    You made sure of that. Gotta love technology. Prenatal paternity test. Great invention.