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“Women can smell desperation a mile away”. How the hell do you not be desperate when you’re doing NoFap and given up porn? (self.asktrp)

submitted by TheManWhoSlays

20 year old virgin here.

I gave up porn a while back. Over a year ago. I maybe have masturbated to it a few times in that time frame, but again a few times. Maybe like 3-5 times. In over a year. So I’ve taken it pretty serious.

As for not masturbating, I don’t take it serious. I just don’t masturbate as often. Used to do it a few times a week. But now I go weeks without doing. I think I’ve gone almost a month as of right. Before that I went nearly two months. You get the point.

On top of that, I’ve been lifting for 4 weeks, so I feel like because of the increase of testosterone, it’s given a slight kick in my sex drive.

Point I’m trying to make: I’m horny as fuck these. Like beyond horny. And BEYOND desperate for sex.

What thing that sucks (or actually, I think it’s a great thing) about given up porn is that I began to to appreciate women’s body in real life MUCH MORE. And my sex. fantasies become much more detailed/emotional. Like with porn, I would just think banging a chick aggressively or something. Sucking on her tits, or smacking on her ass real hard. Simple stuff.

But since I’ve given porn, my fantasies are more romantic. I think about the excitement of undressing her. The sight of her in her lingerie. I think about kissing her back/stomach/thighs/neck. I think about the natural imperfections (stretch mark/cellulite) that make her look perfect and natural. I think about caressing her hair, her back, her face. I think about the cuddling. The tasting. The light kissing. The forehead kissing. The intimate talking. The overall I intimacy.

And I crave all that so much. And They say women have a sixth sense when it comes to a guy whose desperate. And that’s pretty much what I am.

I can’t get laid right now. I have a nonexistent SMV. (Really Ugly, no social circle, mediocre social skills, etc.) be a while before I get a decent body from lifting.

What do I do?


[–]melonsle 161 points162 points  (28 children)

What a tasty snack treat of a question. What a profoundly challenging and intimate area of life for a man. I'll do my best here.

As a young man, a lot of your instincts and drives are turned up to 10. And a lot of your subtle skills and perceptions are not yet developed. When you work in the world of sexuality and relationships, you're entering a world where you are wanting to connect with other people at the deepest and most intimate levels. They, and you, and all of us, are very sensitive creatures. So lets acknowledge we are entering sensitive and sacred ground, for you and for the other people involved.

Women are very sensitive to pressure. They can feel and perceive feelings broadcast from you, that you may not even be aware of. Women can sense our feelings and attitudes like horses can sense changes in the weather. In fact, Dr. Steve Horsmon (name not a pun!) suggests working with horses, to understand women better. In his retreats, he teaches men to work with horses, as a way of understanding women better. The point is: we are working with sensitive creatures.

And I crave all that so much.

It would be useful to get curious about why you are so focused on sex. Why is everything turned up to 10.

Even NoFap can indicate a sex obsession. Denying an urge and indulging in it, are two sides of the same coin. Both indicate that the impulse is not smoothly integrated into the personality.

I actually think NoFap is another way to continue your sexual obsession, just like people obsessed with dieting and nutrition often have some kind of hypochondriac / body issue problem. Dieting can become another way to obsess about food and health. The better balance is to move towards an effortless flow.

You go into some detail about the evolution of your sexual fantasies. I don't think this is that interesting. Your sex obsession is the problem, because there is much more to relating than sex, you have to bring across your personality in an undistorted way - and while sex looms so large in your mind, you are going to miss the stuff that actually makes people want to connect with you.

You are not an object of contempt for having strong drives, never think it. But a mortified, overly intense sexual instinct does not provide a comfortable surface for a female mind to attach to. People want to connect on the basis of fun, shared interests, and kindness. I can't imagine a person in a state of sexual tension such as you're indicating, to be able to comfortably convey these things in the presence of an attractive woman.

So what can you do?

This is worrisome:

I can’t get laid right now. I have a nonexistent SMV. (Really Ugly, no social circle, mediocre social skills, etc.)

This indicates to me that you aren't at peace with yourself and you look at yourself in a negative way. This means all the interesting stuff that people connect on, you're not even going to put across, because I read more between the lines of what you wrote:

I'm not interesting. I don't have an interesting viewpoint or perspective. I don't do interesting things with my life. I feel unwanted.

Those beliefs are indicating a state of internal quarantine, where you really need to stay away from other people until you've cleared up the mess of toxic beliefs inside yourself and learned how to enjoy living a bit.

You're experiencing this misery, and putting it off on women, when you say "I'm so bummed, I can't get laid".

The main problem is not enjoying your life. Your sex obsession is an indicator that you're leaning on sex to get enjoyment that you aren't getting in other areas of your life, such as job, friends, purpose, religion, hobbies, art, etc.

It really makes no sense for a person in your state to form a bond with another person, when you're in a state of chaos like that.

So work on some of that stuff and forget about women. Women are not going to save you from misery. They have a different purpose, they only start arriving after the party has started. Your life has to become a bit of a party first.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (7 children)

great reply right up until the advice part

op, yes you should start going to the gym every day, yes you should get into some new hobbies, yes you should get your hair cut and get some new clothes and maybe some plastic surgery if you're as bad looking as you seem to think. yeah.

but don't cocoon yourself from other people until you think you're finally good enough for them and have something to offer. you have something to offer right now, and being an interesting, social person isn't something you're going to learn from inside that cocoon. you have to get out and have actual human interaction, try and fail. then when you read books or forum posts or any of that shit you'll see things here and there that can help, and if you're starting to develop a personality and a social life then you'll actually have an arena to try things out.

this mgtow/monk mode whatever the fuck advice gets thrown around in trp so often is just fucking mental masturbation. it's buffering. it's giving into your fears about yourself, which are only true because you believe in them.

if you cocoon yourself like that, you may never get to a point where you feel ready to spread your wings, and when you do, they'll be too weak to fly. you already have wings, you just need to start flapping them so their muscles will be able to grow strong enough to fly.

jesus fuck that felt gay to write.

[–]pssiraj 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If it makes you feel better, the metaphor made a lot of sense.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yeah i guess that helps a little ;)

[–]collingiles 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Holy fuck, you two just changed my life. Thank you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i know

[–]boardrider73 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like that reply was something that I needed to hear and applies to me in a lot of ways. I almost posted about this exact same issue. I was crazy thirsty the whole time I did no fap. Good stuff..thank yoy

[–]rmlaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

jesus fuck that felt gay to write

There's gayredpill too you know... just saying... not judging...

lol jk that was a good analogy man. For some people who are just extremely introverted/self-conscious I think I'd recommend joining a local toastmasters meetup club or something... I was a bit shy, but joining clubs, meeting new people, and playing guitar in a band helped me out a lot.

[–]mala_madre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are like a red pill monk right?

[–]NewBoomAction 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Haha damn what an essay but it speaks truths.

[–]BasketCase559 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Damn man that was beautifully written and profound. Reminds me of Alan Watts, especially with the whole "denying an urge and indulging it are two sides of the same coin."

[–]Azora 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The dude is a 20 year old virgin with his hormones tuned to the max how do you expect him not to be desperate for sex?

[–]buddahbusted 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The obstical is the way.

It may be a normal problem but it is not insurmountable.

[–]rijeka1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tell you, this dude here is a genius.

[–]rmlaway 1 point2 points  (2 children)

So work on some of that stuff and forget about women. Women are not going to save you from misery. They have a different purpose, they only start arriving after the party has started. Your life has to become a bit of a party first.

Oh what would I give to only have read this when I was 20! I only got on reddit at 25! And I was a CS major! FML lol

[–]WhoaItsAFactorial 0 points1 point  (1 child)

20!

20! = 2,432,902,008,176,640,000

25!

25! = 1.5511210043330984e+25

[–]rmlaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

20 factorial is how much money will be in my bank account. Goodbot :)

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

I know. Yes I am focusing on myself. I am discovering myself more and more.

I’ve started to lift. Meditate. I’m reading multiple books. I’ve been putting more hours at work. I’ve began building LEGO sets as a way to escape, and calms my mind down.

Even doing these things, I still crave sex. Not sure what to do.

[–]melonsle 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Even doing these things, I still crave sex. Not sure what to do.

I hear you. You are at the point where the internal tension is maximal. It will get better over time. Just put the work in, be patient, sounds like you're doing great. Things will start to gain momentum for you in the next two to three years. A lot to look forward to my friend.

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Yeah thanks man.

What do you think I should do though? Should I give up on women for now, or should at least attempt to connect with them? Attempt to go on dates and such.

[–]melonsle 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Follow your instincts man. You have an internal compass that knows better than me what you should do. I would recommend a little bit of both - so you can learn about what's less important (women) while you work on whats really important (yourself).

I'm very optimistic for you, dude. You sound like your head is screwed on straight. Being young sucks for everybody, I think things will get rosy in the near distant. Good luck.

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Thanks for understanding.

It’s for easy for people to tell you that women aren’t that important, and don’t matter much. But it’s hard to know that when you really haven’t sex. It’s hard to understand that. People who tell me women/sex doesn’t matter much can easily get them easily. I really can’t. So maybe that’s why this is a huge deal for me.

It’s kind of like us Texans who say Whataburger isn’t that big of a deal, but it’s probably a big deal for people in the north who don’t have any.... horrible comparison but you get the pictures.

[–]melonsle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get that. And that is a horrible comparison LOL hahaha

Yeah man, if you feel you need to focus on women, that's ok too. You know what you need to do more than anyone else knows it.

[–]daymi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s for easy for people to tell you that women aren’t that important, and don’t matter much. But it’s hard to know that when you really haven’t sex.

Yeah, it's unfortunate that this is one experience everyone has to make. Talking doesn't help - and it comes off as bragging over text. It's not bragging - it's wistful, melancholic, if anything.

Also, women are different from men. They are not like you. At all. So a lot of the stuff you think they can give you they really can't. They can make a good show and that counts for something, I guess.

[–]Muscular_Sheepherder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They will be a byproduct of your success. U can try, but don't obsess over them

[–]yunhaila 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Everyone craves sex, get over it, its how we are wired. If that wasn’t so then the world wouldn’t have a population problem right now.

I never spoke to a psychologist, but people say psychologists help by helping you establish filters in your mind. They help you distinguish whether a thought is helpful or not helpful and give you tools to reinforce helpful thoughts. Thoughts like I’m ugly, I’m not interesting, appear in everyone’s mind. What happens next varies. Some people go, ‘ah! That’s an unhelpful thought’ and snuff it out. Some people don’t do this and let it snowball.

Thoughts can snowball out of in the stagnant mind. It’s easier for a well-rested, healthy individual to recognize and filter out bad thoughts before they snowball. The negativity displayed in your post reflect that things are wrong with your life. But the problem with giving advice is that depression, low self-esteem, low confidence, can stem from many things.

It can stem from food. Are you eating clean and healthy, staying away from processed foods and fructose?

It can stem from exercise. How much are you working out or walking (has to be leisure walk not walking to work for your body to release calming hormones)?

It can stem from a recent major event in life. Did you move recently? Did you fight with anyone?

It can stem from sleep. How do you sleep? How many hours?

It can stem from bodily pains. How does your body physically feel? Any chronic aches or pains?

It can stem from lack of social interaction. Do you have close friends you can share everything with? Are they still around?

It can stem from repressed anger from controlling parents. Do you have a healthy relationship with your parents? Can you be yourself around them? If you can’t be yourself around family, or if they won’t let you, fixing that would help tremendously with self esteem.

[–]rijeka1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Pardon me but this mirrors CBT if I'm not wrong. How do I better myself using these affirmations and weed or the negative pod I'm subconsciously watering? Is there a website or book?

[–]yunhaila 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I discovered pua back in 2010 when it kinda first started popping. The general advice back then was to think of yourself as two halves: inner and outer. Inner covers your attitude and beliefs. Outer covers behavior and body language. The consensus was that inner game is the 80% that contributes to success. Outer game (how to stand, talk, behave) is the lesser 20%.

I can only speak from experience. When I first began, I had a lot of doubts about my own attractiveness. But I found Christian Hudson’s website tremendous in helping me build confidence. I don’t know if its still up, but he gave a lot of CBT tools. I also threw myself into the PUA deep end and ended up reading and watching 100’s of hours of videos by Neil Strauss, David D’angelo, Mystery, Tyler Durden, and such. Most of it was heavily biased towards getting the audience to buy their bootcamps. But if I gained something useful from all that information, it was the inner game developmental tools. I applied CBT tools like anchoring, positive reinforcement with speech, positive thinking, keeping everything simple. I kept at it every single day. As the years flew by, the results I saw were tremendous. But self development is not overnight. It is the combination of positive habits and healthy living that snowball for years.

Several manuscripts I recommend for gaining a successful self-development mindset are the following: Slight Edge (book), Models by Mark Manson. And read and implement everything related to inner game you can find on google.

Recognize that through time, every little action you take each day is multiplied by the awesome power of compounding. You want to gain confidence and security. But these things are intangible and are products of your lifestyle. It takes a little bit of effort everyday and a long time for things to turn around. But keep at it. I’ve been there before.

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Someone gold him or message me your btc address

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Your problem isn't that you're deprived of sex it's where you're focusing your sexual energy. You're not transmuting your sexual energy enough into other areas of life (lifting, reading, meditation, etc.) instead you're allowing it to turn into agitation and desperation for sex.

I can go to a party after not ejaculating for a week and look 'sex satisfied' because I know that I would rather give my sexual energy to my physique and to creating a better reality for myself than to give it away to some girl. I feel in my mind that if she receives my sexual energy and attention she should feel blessed by god that she was so lucky.

[–]ElonMuskIsMyDad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Underrated answer

[–]MarkJohnPaul 12 points13 points  (0 children)

See your problem is you're so desperate and thirsty, if you bang a chick you're going to get attached to fucking. All this pent up energy is going to be OD for any chick. Imho give up on NoFap. Not watching porn is good, but all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

[–]rmlaway 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Three things:

  1. You're 20 man. Chill out. There's nothing "wrong" with being a virgin at 20. You have basically your whole youth still ahead of you. In your 20s you'll change (mentally and physically) and gain a whole new perspective and understanding for the world around you.

  2. Again you're 20, I lost my virginity at 27. I know exactly what you're going through. I could have written this post. Reflecting back on my early 20s I can confidently tell you that you're obsessing Way too much on the fact that your dick hasn't been inside a vagina, and women will indirectly pickup on that because getting laid is taking up much on your mind. That's the smell desperation you speak of. Stop it obsessing over it, jerk it if you need to. It's not a sin, it's a healthy part of life. Find a balance. Try to be able to jerk it without the use of porn. I found that masturbating helps control my emotions, psyche and my sex drive - and when I'm in control of myself I'm more confident and I naturally attract female attention.

  3. Keep working out, keep learning, find work that makes you happy and pays the bills and more. It wasn't until I quit my job, and traveled a bit, that I realized I needed to work on myself first, love myself first, and feel good about myself before I could have something to offer that attracted women. I realized that obsessing over sex was actually the reason I was not getting any! Become a positive (meditate!), fun/witty (read,learn some jokes), confident person and meet and talk to girls without any expectations at all. Treat even the most stunning of beauties as normal people (because they are!) and you'll find that they will notice that and find you more interesting.

PS: When I lost my virginity I was floored by how completely "casual" (if that's the right word) the sex itself was. Don't get me wrong it feel great, but not the end-all-be-all I was expecting, no reason to let it control you and bring you down. Again probably cuz I was obsessing about it and hyping it up to something it's now (unrealistic porn sex is sort of to blame for this, I think).

[–]Thelongwayhome26 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is great advice.

[–]Eulerbrah 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I think about the natural imperfections (stretch mark/cellulite) that make her look perfect and natural.

wot??

[–]eccentricrealist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a very common sentiment in nofap for some reason

[–]chachaChad 20 points21 points  (11 children)

I can’t get laid right now. I have a nonexistent SMV. What do I do?

You go into monk mode, eat and lift like your life depended on it.

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] 5 points6 points  (9 children)

Haha. I’ve been in monk mode since I was born.

But thanks anyways.

[–]es1426 25 points26 points  (7 children)

You first posted to TRP 115 days ago and seemingly started the transformation process and self improvement with beta answers ~150 days ago.

Monk mode. Depending on your current state, it may take years at normie pace. It’s not easy, and that’s why most don’t do it.

Edit: I just reread your post: “Been in monk mode my whole life.” “Been lifting for 4 weeks.”

Fuck you.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Trp monk mode=/=no fap monk mode

[–]qwertyuiop111222 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Edit: I just reread your post: “Been in monk mode my whole life.” “Been lifting for 4 weeks.”

Fuck you.

Just snorted my whiskey. That burns!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lift.

[–]1RedPillFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because your life absolutely does depend on it. Life without purpose or meaning is worse than suicide.

[–]potato-stache 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Young man, you must realize that women look for our confidence more than our face. Ever seen perfect 10 woman walking down the street with a man who looks ugly like Danny McBride but he walks with chest up, good posture and looks calm? Yeap I've seen it countless of times. So keep lifting, and invest in good fitted clothes.

To kickstart your game, start with building up your social circle and skills. Try use Meetup app, find your interests and meet up with a group of people to do something or just sit down and talk and share ideas. But try to avoid gamers meet up. From there you can upgrade your social skills. Observe people talk, learn from it and interact with them as much you can. Reason why I'm suggesting you this because I went a similar phase back in 2005. I was 17, shy and quiet, just graduated from high school and enroll into 2 months British Council English class. Teacher encourage us to speak as much we can to improve our English commands. So I did. And I speak so much that a 22yo Polish student found me interesting and actually liked me. She always try to sit beside me . Too bad I got no game back then and flunk it when I told her shes old. Yea sucks, but I learned from my mistake. But glad i did it young. So should you. So back to the topic, start with your social skills. Women will come later. Dont rush everything and makes you look frustrated and desperate for sex. Good luck young man

[–]Iwannachokekatie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ever seen perfect 10 woman walking down the street with a man who looks ugly like Danny McBride but he walks with chest up, good posture and looks calm? Yeap I've seen it countless of times.

No. Looks aren't the be all end all, but no.

[–]TheReformist94 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really haven't seen 10/10 with an ugly guy. Please,explain.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Release those energies doing other productive things, like working out and lifting, reading and learning new ideas and skills, educating yourself and applying for better jobs. Sexual energy is potent and so when it is squandered on the FAP and porn, women will know. And when you just want them to do the FAP and porn for you in real life, they will know. Go out and use that energy for something real and they will come to you, though it may take time. Be patient.

[–]DamiensLust 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd honestly recommend an escort. Don't make a habit of it but that way you won't seem as desperate (both the experience and then the knowledge that its always an option will make you less desperate) and you won't totally suck your first time and it will assist in preventing you from pedestalizing women.

[–]TermiFaptor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The balance of fap vs Nofap .... is where the truth lies

Fapping is a tool .. just don't get addicted to it

Instead of it becoming your master, you have to become it's master

On some days I fap too much, on other days I fap too little. But I am always balanced

Seek balance instead of seeking absolutes

Do you think a 35 year old full testosterone male like me cares about too much fapping or too less or how to impress a girl ? No, I am busy with other things like making money.

Those unimportant things happen on it's own at their appropriate times. But I will still be busy after they happen.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But since I’ve given porn, my fantasies are more romantic. I think about the excitement of undressing her. The sight of her in her lingerie. I think about kissing her back/stomach/thighs/neck. I think about the natural imperfections (stretch mark/cellulite) that make her look perfect and natural. I think about caressing her hair, her back, her face. I think about the cuddling. The tasting. The light kissing. The forehead kissing. The intimate talking. The overall I intimacy.

Think of this as a high pressure hose. Just need to direct this at women, not at askTRP. And turn the valve open, spray them in the face with all that "the sight of her cute pinky finger makes my dick cry" stuff, it will work even if you pretend you're talking about somebody else or a movie you saw. They're gonna love it, virginman! This is not a joke, you have the flair and the naughty emotional rush of the sexy casanova they all wanna meet. And the best part is, you're so horny that you're regularly forgetting about yourself and your ego, it's phasing out of existence, leaving just the pure sexy stream of consciousness coming out of you. It's catnip to chicks, it feels like you're unlike any other guy, you really feel things and aren't only playing to get in her pants...

This is not desperation per se. Desperation would be to come from below to beg a woman for it. Come at them from above, shower them in your intimacies and intimations as if you're the gardener and they're the flowers you're cultivating in your garden.

Do not wait a single day, start talking to women and start failing. This shit is your fucking birthright. No one can shame you out of being a fucking man "until later when SMV improves enough", even if you look like shit and are broke. It simply doesn't matter, you're a man and you're drawn to take care of your beautiful hungry flowers out there. They need you, in truth, much more than you need them.

[–]Iwannachokekatie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly matches how I've been feeling lately.

[–]BurnieSlander 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re telling yourself a story that contradicts itself. If you keep telling yourself that you are desperate but you can’t get sex because blah blah blah, what do you expect? Nothing will change for you until you change your attitude.

[–]mental_models 1 point2 points  (2 children)

2 WORDS

"AIM LOW".

Women are not scarce. Hot women are scarce. You should be able to plate a '3' within two weeks time, even if you are as bad as you say. Don't stop there. Get a couple more plates, and then work on upgrading.

[–]Diirtyvato 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Reminds me of some advice this bum I met while I was at the river getting high as a freshmen in HS.

“Lower your standards. Raise your average.”

[–]mental_models 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the thread starter IS his own problem. Instead of putting his dick inside some pussy meat, he's obsessing about it, and shit like nofap and TRP. In his head, pussy is the most amazing thing in the world. He'll probably fall in love with the first land-whale to give him a turn.

You can't do anything (doctor, lawyer, pickup artist) on paper.

Start. Go get your feet(dick) wet. Learn and improve in a continuous cycle.

If you happen to be a healthy athlete with a big bank account - by all means, start with 8+. But if you are some spazzy normtard virgin, grab some 3's THIS FUCKING WEEK. Realize how sex is just part of living on this planet. Start fixing yourself as your new hobby is plate progression.

[–]Hector_Castillo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hunger =/= Desperation

[–]addwater 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Try it and see.

The surge of testosterone and dopamine turn you into a slayer, imo.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]assholeofthesky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I would say this is 100% why i turn into an asshole on no fap...

    Excercise is essential and i kinda forget about that haha

    [–]RandyBumgardner85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The reason you are not getting laid is most likely down to your lack of looks/social circle/people skills than the fact you are horny all the time. Women are attracted to sexual energy. My interactions with women are far more rewarding/sexual when I'm not jerkin the Gherkin twice a day.

    [–]EdvardMunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Woah. Double edged sword here. I’m a believer that anyone that can own themselves, feel like they’re sexy as hell, can get laid. You need real confidence. Learn to dress well. Not bad well, like compose an arrangement of understated refined beauty, masculinity. It should be natural but if you gotta fake it do it. Be open, be in the moment, be weary of any drug unless you’re used to them.

    Overall you gotta put in the work. Sometimes to access certain things you gotta take what seem like detours. Get fit, look good? Maybe you get a better job that desires that. Got a passion? Go for it. Fixation on one thing in life often means you won’t get it, or you will and it won’t satisfy. What happens when you get laid once? You’ll need it again. Play, play with life and learn.

    Hell I decided to entertain a very emotional persons request to visit them and ended up later in a chair getting my neck shaved with a straight razor while she was drunk and crying. I learned. Repeating comfortable cycles doesn’t get you far.

    [–]Paydenwayne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don’t have much to add the comments already here are really well put, I just want to say, it sounds like ur moving in the right direction, you have a shit self image but you are making healthy moves towards bettering that and I think that is awesome, keep indulging in hobbies, keep ur mind busy, keep improving and it will all fall into place. One thing I might add tho is, don’t be afraid to take down some ugly women man, no shame in practicing on women below par, as I always say, have to smash a couple 4s to appreciate an 8. And the worship u get from ugly women could really help ur self image.

    [–]Rollo_Mayhem3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    themanwhoslays is actually a 20yo virgin. I dig the enthusiasm but bro come on with the handle.

    [–]wawakaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    testosterone is a drug...you can lift and all that to increase testosterone but what are you going to do with it. all it is going to do is make horny. I SAY THIS because there are other drugs in the body like DOPAMINE, SEROTONIN, ACETLYCHOLINE, GLUATAMATE AND GABA and most of these deal with being smart, creative, innovative IE the other side of maculinity. so what i'm saying boosting your testosterone is great if you going to be using it but if you aren't then trying boosting those other chemicals and boost your brain power. IN OTHER WORDS find something else to do and become a master at it. Let that be part of your life for the rest of your life cause women come and go. When you have something esle of great importance in your life you no longer become desperate you become a diamond cause your worth comes from you. THE MASTERS in life don't chase pussy, pussy chases them.

    [–]LifeLikeFire_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Stop being so obsessed and thinking about it so much is how

    [–]Gozsayin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Some people beat me to the punch so I will just add u need to start with self confidence. I'm doing stand-up comedy to build my presence and voice and to relieve stress. The best part however is that I always feel like the man afterwards even if I bomb, which then transfers into confidence with women. I would recommend a confidence building activity

    [–]StradivariusUkulele 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    prostitutes

    [–]circlingldn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    who is "They"?

    can you introduce me to them?