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Wife left me after 6 weeks of marriage. We were HSSHs and together 11 yrs. How can i recover? (self.asktrp)

submitted by HelpsToThrowAway

tldr: i don't know how to find motivation to wanna find love / a good woman.

Hey, so my wife just left me. She packed her stuff and left 3-4 days ago. I’m doing my best to deal but it’s been hard. We were married 6 weeks. A big part of this pain is the attachment I’ve developed for her over 11 years. We were HSSHs and exchanged V-Cards. I thought and still think it’s a very beautiful thing.

She left after we had a fight about her talking about “not being happy with our monogamy” and floating the idea of an open marriage with this online friend of hers. I wasn’t happy with this but I tried to be calm and talk through it. She said the reason she wanted to open things was because she felt like our emotional connection was lacking.

So after a day of thinking divorce I told her we should call this off or work through this cycle of you feeling like you don’t get what you want emotionally, looking outside of us, hurting me by looking outside, pushing me away and then feeling like she doesn’t get what she need emotionally. ( we went through something similar where she packed her bags and said she wants to date her supervisor she knew for two weeks because of how good their mental connection / banter was but then chickened out and begged me to take her back)We sat down and developed a game plan for her to get that emotional / mental connection she’s craving by doing more activates together but I needed her to end this relationship with this man, she agreed to the plan. The next day she called divorce and there was no talking her out of this.

My therapist said she was sabotaging the relationship.

I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman with a low partner count that would ease my fear of starting a family with. I thought I found that in my wife but apparently not. But I’m 28 now, I’m in decent shape but only started lifting regularly for the past 6 months so I’m nearing otter mode / escaping skinny fat. I own my own house, no debt and am about to finish my computer programming degree. I dress well and have always been socially apt.

I’m not super into the idea of meaningless sex, I wanna be with someone low count and I feel like if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting. But I’m not used to this lack of physical connection. We used to fuck 3-4 times a week on average.

I just lost my dream life, now I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who’ll fit the bill again because I have uncommon beliefs about sexuality. Are those beliefs stupid?


[–][deleted] 258 points259 points  (13 children)

You are still acting like this chick is your unicorn. This chick that lies to you (she is already fucking) and is absolutely full of shit (If I suck strange dick it will help us emotionally, baby).

This whole post is about how you believe in fantasy creatures and magic. It's bullshit, all of it. That is bitter medicine but it is the truth.

Read the sidebar. You and she were both too young. She has already jumped. Sitting down to logically think anything through was a huge mistake in response to a clear declaration of infidelity.

"My therapist said she was sabotaging the relationship." He is halfway into the problem.

"I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman with a low partner count that would ease my fear of starting a family with."

Starting a family?! Are you fucking insane? You are dreaming of how to build a damn nuclear reactor in your garage when you don't even know how to wire a light switch. Get this silly shit out of your head as an immediate goal right now before you fuck up even worse.

"I’m not super into the idea of meaningless sex"

What a fucked up puritan bullshit statement. It is only meaningless because you are bringing your own baggage into this. It's not with your precious golden unicorn so it must be meaningless? If your dick entering a pussy doesn't make a rainbow shoot out of her mouth that leads the way to a magical pot of gold in narnia it must have been pointless? First off having fun is fun as long as you're safe, and this puritan bullshit at 28 is gonna feel real stupid at 88 when you are shitting in a diaper. Second, you have a shit mentality. You are a computer science guy. All of the long hours coding stupid bullshit problems or doing exercises weren't "meaningless" because they weren't the killer app or program you want to eventually pull off. They were what you do to get good enough to pull off the big project. Same with dating and sex.

"I wanna be with someone low count and I feel like if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting."

What is this magical thinking bullshit? Manifesting? Like if you earn enough good boy points God will accept them and manifest a shiny new good girl in your world? That shit isn't real. The universe doesn't reward nor punish anything. Find your own code and follow it because it makes sense, not because you think it will make you a wizard able to conjure shit from nothing.

"now I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who’ll fit the bill again"

You didn't find someone who'll fit the bill the first time, bro. She is sucking strange cock right now. Best rip that band aid off now. She ain't the one. You have to make "the one" and for that you have to be "the one" in your life. Not play by rules you were given and hope the universe rewards it.

Give her the divorce she wants and never speak to her again. Start practicing women until you are ready for the big show.

[–]Pork_Sword3 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Can we get this response framed or something and hung straight into the Sidebar for newcomers to read? This is the kind of stuff that first timers on TRP need to read after their wife/LTR has left them because of their hypergamous nature. To this day, I have not seen a logical argument against AWALT.

This sub needs more people like you,/u/theDisillusionist. Wether it’s hard truths or not, we gotta tell it how it is and help our fellow brothers who have been brainwashed by the feminine imperative everywhere.

Upvote +

[–]FuckboyAWALT 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agreeing on that one. A really well written response.

Upvote +

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Good reply. You can use the > symbol (then a space) at the start of a paragraph to make their text more readable.

Give her the divorce she wants and never speak to her again. Start practicing women until you are ready for the big show.

^ Like this. Also good advice btw.

[–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Thanks

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

It's bitter medicine, man. I know from personal experience. Focus on you and getting your ship right.

[–]Swelfie 9 points10 points  (2 children)

As a softer touch (he's right, but damn....). I've been there and done that. It gets better. Years later I look back on the HSSH marriage and just wonder why I didn't cut and run 2 years in instead of 10. At the time I was devestated, not knowing what I would do. And that was the problem. I didn't know what to do with myself, I only knew how to please her and that's why I wasn't worth all that much to her or anyone else.

Chill. You are going to be fine. It's time to please yourself. Learn what you want out of life, then go get it. The females will follow. They always follow a guy who is doing shit for himself.

[–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks is all you have to say? You're lost guy. Guve up now. There is no hope for you if thanks is all you have to say.

[–]CrazyHorseInvincible[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

+1 points even though I'm at work and don't have my one-click mod tools.

This is worth the extra typing.

[–]AlexCarlin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a work of art

[–]unicorrnr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saving this comment lmao

[–]general_landur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Upvoted specifically for the computer science bit.

[–]jb_trp 39 points40 points  (3 children)

she wanted to open things was because she felt like our emotional connection was lacking

Lies. The reason she wanted to open things up is because she already had a dude she wanted to screw, but didn't want to deal with the guilt.

We sat down and developed a game plan for her to get that emotional / mental connection she’s craving by doing more activates together but I needed her to end this relationship with this man, she agreed to the plan. The next day she called divorce and there was no talking her out of this.

Ding. Ding. Ding. I was right.

I just lost my dream life

Because it was a fantasy... And you just got a major redpilling.

Let me tell you something: It's going to hurt for a long time, but it's going to get better. Okay? So don't do anything drastic. You're in a good place, other than the pain. Do you have children? If you don't, you dodged a huge bullet.

Second: Things with the supervisor won't work out for this chick. Trust me. When that happens, she's going to come back and use you as an emotional tampon and want you to take her back. You must not do this. You'll never trust her, she'll cheat again (seriously, go read the AskReddit thread about people who took back cheaters... 100% all said it was a mistake).

Next, get ready because your life is going to get 1000x better. But it'll take time and hard work. Keep lifting. Keep improving. Find hobbies you love (for me, it's rock climbing), and spend time with people you love, doing things that are good for you.

Eventually, when you're ready, you should start dating again. But don't worry about that now, because you're a mess. Give it a couple months.

I don't have time, or else I'd write more, but feel free to PM me if you want to vent or chat.

[–]judethedude 13 points14 points  (0 children)

100% do not take her back when she inevitably comes asking...come look at this thread again if you are doubting yourself OP.

[–]Scheme00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This dude speaks truth. This is spot on. Well done my man 👌

[–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (13 children)

Yes.

[–]nummas 14 points15 points  (0 children)

/thread.

[–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

Why?

[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[deleted]

    [–]beta_no_mo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. The life you thought you had never existed except in your head.

    She's done you a favor. Don't waste it.

    [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children)

    How do I pick my mission ? I'm kinda without a guiding star atm

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      Rock climbing , vidya gaymz, guitar, hiking / camping, occult n philosophy reading, coding apps / databases

      [–]Captain_Sorbo 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      So make the worlds next great video game. Climb every mountain. Is there anything you can think of where you say to yourself " the world needs x and im just the guy to give it to the world!"

      E.g. I have a story that only I can write so it's time to put pen to paper.

      [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      I do have a story I wanna write...

      [–]LordThunderbolt 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Yet you're not writing

      [–]hugaddiction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This post is so far your story. Make a new one that’s based on rational and reality. Your in the right place. Trp will help.

      [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Build your self the value to have options. It's something to do until you find a full mission.

      Otherwise, you'll be impotent when you find it

      [–]hugaddiction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Start with career and health. Add hobbies when you have time, but the first two should keep you busy if you are young and dedicated

      [–]chachaChad 22 points23 points  (0 children)

      I know this isn’t going to make sense to you right now but you’ve just been handed a fucking gift. You were married to someone that wasn’t a match. You’re lucky you got out this early. Work the sidebar like a madman and build yourself up.

      [–]antariusz 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Dude, she fucked her supervisor. I guarantee it.

      If she is a kind person, you’ll never find out. If she’s a bitch, she’ll tell you about it if you pry enough if she thinks there is no penalty to telling you. (Once she goes scorched earth). Right now she won’t tell you because she probably believes it will serve her better in the divorce if you think she’s an angel.

      Probably fucked a few other guys too. She isn’t happy with the monogamy because she hasn’t been practicing it for your entire relationship and doesn’t want to start. Your unicorn is no unicorn.

      [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (8 children)

      Wow this is bad. Your self esteem is so disgustingly low. I have you in my prayers

      [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 6 points7 points  (7 children)

      Well wouldn't that natural? What should I do to improve it ? She left 4 days ago

      [–]nothestrawberrypatch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      You came to the right place brother. Listen to what these guys are saying. If you have no children with her you dodged a huge fuckin bullet. She will come back to you, and by then you will have realized your self worth, and she will be nothing but dust in the wind to you. She wanted to fuck another dude with your consent. Fuck that shit. Walk.

      [–]hugaddiction 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Step 1. Read red pill side bar material

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]htbf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        That's the worst mindset.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Is the divorce final?? Did she take all her belongings?

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        She took so her clothes,shoes,dresser , computer , dildo and butt plugs.

        It's not filled yet, I'm consulting a lawyer about annulment possibility soon. In WA state Anulment is tricky.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Then worry about finalizing your divorce first. Put some cash on the side just in case.

        [–]soulmysold 12 points13 points  (1 child)

        Whatever you do, do not take her back. If you respect yourself, you will find the strength to move on. FUCK HER SHE IS TRASH. IT'S DONE AND WILL NEVER BE REPAIRED.

        1. Start lifting(will help with depression a little bit)

        2. Find hobbies, invest in your own happiness

        [–]hugaddiction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Also, Eat healthy. Will help with the lifting and personal health.

        [–]RedSkeller 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Let's be real here. She left you for a bullshit reason, if she loved you like you loved her, this wouldn't be an issue - or at least you wouldn't quit after six weeks, especially after 11 years. Likely, she was freaking out about 'missing out' as well and flew off - I guarantee if you fight back being needy she will come back after being single for a millisecond and realizing how horrible it is right now, especially after an eleven year hiatus.

        When she fucks another guy and runs back, I hope you have a spine to not take her back and forgive her. Fuck that if she threw away a decade plus for some strange dick. Divorcees and single moms are your friend right now, practice banging them and then get out there lifting and being single. We'll be here as always.

        [–]RPAlternate42 8 points9 points  (3 children)

        It'll seem to harsh to your frail BP mind and ego, but 6 weeks means an anullment, not a divorce, so it's like you were never married.

        Good job, you never got married.

        Your biggest problem with all this isn't her so much as the idea that you've wasted 11 years with her.

        This is known as the "sunk-cost fallacy;" the idea that since you spent so much time on something, that "quitting" at this point means that you are losing all that time, so sticking with a shitty situation is better than quitting.

        But it's a fallacy: quitting a shitty situation saves you from more shit in the long run.

        If you have no kids, you are pretty much golden: you are about to hit your peak stride, so long as you start lifting, getting your life in order, and start living for you. She, on the other hand, is hitting the wall (hence the sudden change in her attitude about you.)

        She felt "trapped" by the marriage... the 11 years with her gave her the idea that she might always have an out... marriage "locked her in." Since she never had her "fun" in her 20's, she blames you for keeping her from it. Now she's approaching 30 and she wants get some Chad dick before Chad doesn't want to fuck her anymore.

        Be glad this trash is making it easy on you.

        Now it's time for you to become the man you believe you should be... and then get better.

        At some point she'll come crawling back to you. You ignore that shit because once you throw trash away, you don't go digging for trash afterwards.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        In Washington state its kinda tuff to get an Anulment . I'm seeing a lawyer soon to talk about annulment based on fraud in the essentials of marriage.

        We have no kids.

        [–]toweringalpha 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Good keep it that way with no kids. You have no idea how big of a bullet you dodged. If some point in the next nine months she says you knocked her up, Deny it and ask for DNA test. Also stop calling her your wife she is not your wife, at least she never saw it that way that she threw it all and walked away.

        Step one protect your assets as soon as possible. Get a good lawyer. (Even if the lawyer is expensive think of it as a short term expense for a long term gain. ) Get a divorce/annulment even if it costs some money now. You have your whole life ahead of you, you are on the verge of graduating, money and other fine things will come. Just be patient till you get rid of the jezebel who ruined your life.

        It is going to be very hard to do all of these. Have a winners mindset and come out of this disaster.

        Edit: typos

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Hmmm...asking for you to have an open marriage 6 weeks after the marriage could mean that she's pregnant already by her supervisor. Or, somebody else.

        Since she's gone only 4 days, it behooves me to ask: Have you emptied out your mutual bank account, at least of your 1/2? She'll do it tomorrow morning, if you haven't. It will all be spent on her supervisor, and she will come back to you when she discovers that the supervisor used some of it on his girlfriend/fuckbuddy.

        [–]KagedRageius 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        She was never yours, it was just your time.

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        You need to realize that you don't need to be in a relationship or marry a girl to get sex or companionship.

        You can have basically anything you want from a girl in western society without having to pay for it. Become the pimp, don't go searching for a unicorn.

        [–][deleted]  (11 children)

        [deleted]

        [–]bob13bob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        read reddit married red pill, might get more relevant advice.

        why would you want a unhappy relationship. Who cares about being virgins if you guys aren't good together. you're 28, peak age to get women; i feel bad for her. you, you're a lucky son-uv-a-bitch who just got saved a lot of future hassle.

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        You should thank your lucky stars she decided to have another man inside her. Now you begin the real work of becoming an actualized, masculine man. Only in hardship can we learn and grow.

        [–]DiggerClam 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Women love getting married. Women hate being married.

        [–]lobsterhead 9 points10 points  (3 children)

        We sat down and developed a game plan for her to get that emotional / mental connection she’s craving

        Probably the least successful way to obtain something you are craving on an emotional level is through a conversation culminating in a "game plan."

        The next day she called divorce and there was no talking her out of this.

        My therapist said she was sabotaging the relationship.

        I hope you're not paying very much for your therapist. She's not offering much insight.

        I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman

        "Another?" It doesn't sound like you found one the first time.

        I think you need to have a change of perspective. You can be complete and happy without a partner. Until you get to the point where you are your own man, you won't be able to hold down a successful LTR. You should spend a year on your own working on yourself before you integrate another person into your life.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        So what the fuck should I have done?

        [–]lobsterhead 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        After you've gone through a few breakups, you'll realize that when it's over, it's over. There is no talking someone back into loving you again. There's no amount of talking that's going to make someone respect you.

        You need to spend some time working on yourself to create someone who commands respect because they are confident in themselves as a complete man. Right now you think you're missing your better half. Your life is going to be a lot better once you realize that it's not missing half and that it's already whole.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Cool, thanks. Ill check out this side bar biz.

        [–]PCS3000 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Fill the void with other women.

        Fuck another girl so hard you feel like your breaking her in half.

        [–]Cell_Technician 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        This

        As we speak there are millions of teenage sloots on tinder looking to fuck.

        [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        and floating the idea of an open marriage with this online friend of hers. I wasn’t happy with this but I tried to be calm and talk through it. She said the reason she wanted to open things was because she felt like our emotional connection was lacking.

        The real reason she wanted to open things is that she has a guy on lock down to provide security, and now wants alpha dick.

        You're right not to stand for it.

        The next day she called divorce and there was no talking her out of this.

        At least she's honest about what she wants: beta provider and sexual freedom.

        My therapist said she was sabotaging the relationship.

        Your therapist is being simplistic.

        I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman with a low partner count that would ease my fear of starting a family with. I thought I found that in my wife but apparently not. But I’m 28 now,

        28... loads of fucking time. You'll do fine. Read the sidebar (here and main sub). Give yourself months to low-years to get your head round this stuff - emotionally and lifestyle adjusting.

        re "easy your fear of starting a family" ... you're asking a woman to fix you fears. Women don't do things for men, get used to it. If you want a family go for that (do not marry again, obviously). If not don't. But don't go in with "it's your job to ease my fears". YOU decide what YOU want. The wariness should only ever be about her quality.

        low n-count is hard to find. that's just something you gotta accept.

        so I’m nearing otter mode / escaping skinny fat

        awesome

        I own my own house, no debt and am about to finish my computer programming degree. I dress well and have always been socially apt.

        These are great things FOR YOU.... but they are not attractive to women. Beta bucks triggers her "make him wait" sexual strategy.

        I feel like if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting.

        You are wrong and superstitious here. Increasing your n-count INCREASES your value. And you can still demand/expect a low n-count woman if you can find one. Men and women are not the same. Near-virginity is not appealing to women, only to men.

        I just lost my dream life,

        No you didn't. You lost your dream life illusion. It wasn't real. You bought into the blue pill dream. And you didn't get very shafted by it -- could have been worse (you won't pay much alimony presumably)

        now I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who’ll fit the bill again because I have uncommon beliefs about sexuality. Are those beliefs stupid?

        Yes

        [–]dgillz 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        What the heck is a HSSH?

        [–]RPShitlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        High school sweethearts

        [–]Ganaria_Gente 8 points9 points  (2 children)

        Six weeks.... Damn lol

        BTW dude you clearly show signs of oneitis and unicorn belief. Fix that.

        [–]htbf 22 points23 points  (1 child)

        He has been with one girl his whole life you fucking genius. No shit he has strong oneitis.

        [–]Ganaria_Gente -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        looks like we got a Bad Ass(tm) over here.

        [–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Sorry dude, she’s fucking someone else.

        [–]bluepillcarl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I know it's tough. The good part is now you can date younger tang. Time to go to the gym and focus on you. You've been so focused on her it's eaten away at your soul. You feel heart broken, inadequate about yourself? Depressed? Your life is NOT over, that relationship does not define who you are. Use those feelings to strengthen yourself and take back the life you never had. Maybe you should feel a little bit angry? She wasted your time and disrespected you. An open marriage would have made things way worst..it was already over.

        [–]Luckylancer96 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Situation seems hard for you but realy it is not. You want monogany, thats obvious. But she want to be unfaithful, fuck around.

        Situation seems hard because you have a emotional connection to her.

        Situation is not hard because what you should do is VERY clear. There is no need for second thoughts, there is no "if"s. What she have done is un exceptable. JUST NEXT HER

        You dont need her fucked pussy nor her "lacking" emotional connection. You cant make her mom of your children and be ok with it in future. Try to reset your feelings about her for sometime, dont give any drama and espace from cuck life asap.

        [–]BFoStaph 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Ah, the old sabotage. Classic. It’s going to be hard, but you know the right decision to make.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Dude, give me a fucking break. You're 28. You don't need to worry about finding a "wife" right now, nor should you ever get married again. You need to get out there and bed a fes women casually and learn how they operate. You're not fit for any type of relationship right now.

        "I’m not super into the idea of meaningless sex, I wanna be with someone low count and I feel like if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting."

        Shut the fuck up. You want something comfortable and effortless. That's exactly how you ended up jere u worm. Fuck a few broads and learn how they really are and not how you want to see them as. There are no unicorns, no good girls. You're in 2017, it's the era of hyperconnectivity and hedonistic debauchery. A relationship is a lost cause. Assume that by the age of 20 all girls have fucked at least 10 dudes.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        What a awful world , how thehelll do you trudge through it?

        But maybe I do just want something comfortable and effortless. And maybe that's why I'm here ,dick and heart in hand.

        Edit : spelling

        [–]LordThunderbolt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        The Red Pill is a bitter pill to swallow

        [–]X-Trem0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman

        I'm sorry to say this but this one was not quality either.

        with a low partner count

        Your hypergamic ex was not the exception. Again, I'm sorry to say this but the ones with a low PC are lying...

        if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting

        Don't. Hold yourself to a BETTER standard.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        This post is cancer. Read trp sidebar.

        [–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (11 children)

        First, welcome to the Red Pill. It's obvious that you are completely new here, or maybe you have read about the pill, but haven't put any of what you read into practice. This is your wake up call.

        First: If you don't have access to weights, get it. Lift. Lift Heavy. Find a great starter program, then move on from there. I suggest starting strength.

        Read the sidebar, and especially read Rational Male. It's going to suck ass as you learn exactly how and why your wife left you, but it's important that you learn so that you don't make the same mistakes again.

        And here is the really shitty part: It's going to hurt. For a long time. You're going to be bitter for a long time with her, women in general, and you'll be angry at yourself for making the mistakes that you've made.

        It's normal, and in time, the bitterness and hatred will turn into stoicism and you'll get stronger.

        The huge kick to the nuts here is that your wife was 100% guaranteed fucking this guy before you were married and maybe even the day you got back from the honeymoon.

        I don't know what specific actions led up to it, but you are 100% to blame. Almost all women will branch swing to a stronger man if and when they find one. Your job is to be strong and set boundaries, then enforce consequences when the boundaries are broken.

        Nothing like this happens all at once, it's part of a pattern of you letting things slide and becoming weaker or less valuable to her over time.

        The good news in all of this is that you can recover from it and be a better man. If you work hard on yourself, you're going to find higher quality women who respect you and won't suck some dudes cock the week after your wedding.

        My last bit of advice is to not hold on to the past. Let it go. Let her go, and start living the life you were meant to live.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

        How was she fucking around ? Doods in another country

        [–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (5 children)

        That is even worse. She's willing to throw away 11 years for someone she hasn't even met in real life.

        Read the rest of my post and don't get caught up on my oversight. It seems to me like you know what you have to do but are twisting what other people say into an excuse to justify your feelings.

        Be a man, start lifting, get out there and build a social circle. That is what you need right now, not someone who will help you wallow in self pity.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

        How should I feel then ? It just happened, I've been hanging with friends non stop. I'm chilling with some qt in a week but everyone saying my self esteem so fucked ill blow it .I'm doing my best , ill get back in the gym soon ... Not sure what I should be doing that I'm currently not. I'm no contact now .

        [–]escapewithniko 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        Focus on yourself. Work on building a strong foundation for your mental, psychological, emotional health.

        What's the point in hanging out with a cute chick in a week? Would sleeping with her validate your self-worth? Why are you so concerned regarding everyone's opinions about blowing it?

        You may agree that you are doing your best, but you can do better.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Yeah . i guess sleeping with her would make me feel better, at least i think so . but that's seeking external validation? I miss fucking . I've been doing it on the reg for 11years.

        [–]escapewithniko 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Bud. You. Are. 28.

        I assure you, the fucking on the regular will occur once again. I bet my left nut that it will be better than it was with your ex & you'll forget all about this dry spell. Mark my words.

        [–]BusterVadge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Exactly!!! I am 43, and divorced at the age of 33. I learned my lesson the hard way and while it fucking HURT, I'm happy that it happened because life is way better now than it would be if I was still with "her".

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        So, there's no other dood anywhere around? The closest one is in another country? Her supervisor is in another country?

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        No... He's around...

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        So, forgetting dood, it's not outside of the realm of possibility that she is/was fucking around with someone other than dood? Or, do you see a difficulty with that interpretation?

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        No that's possible, she's was super into dirty talking about her fucking all her co workers

        [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        A. Lawyer up. Fucking NOW. Punt that Cunt. This is NEVER going to get better.

        B. Stop being such a faggot.

        [–]Rudeyyyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Sidebar's that way way --->>> Welcome to the world and open your eyes. Trust me it will only get better. I'm fortunate I found it so young. Changed my outlook on so many ideas.

        [–]Kemoraa 1 point2 points  (6 children)

        You need to let the situation be. Don’t focus on her and worry about yourself. You sabotaged the relationship when you tried helping her find her own connection to you. What you should have done in that time is let her find it on her own while you focused on yourself/gave less attention to her. Focusing on yourself would allow her to want to reconnect since she’d see your progress. The best way to move forward from here is to leave her be and focus on lifting/bettering yourself. Good luck.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

        So what the fuck should have I done? When I hear " our monogamy isn't working for me " I wanna get to the bottom of it and fix it. Like what- ignore her and go lift while I blast death grips ??

        [–]Kemoraa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        You can try and get to the “bottom of it” all you want, but you can’t negotiate/persuade attraction or a connection. Just because you were to even find the answer to what caused her to lose that connection it wouldn’t have changed anything.

        Focusing on yourself shows her that you are the prize. You are someone capable of being great and you’ll move forward with or without her. I suggest reading, No More Mr. Niceguy published by Robert A. Glover. A good starting point on learning about putting yourself first and getting your needs met.

        [–]toweringalpha 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Dude, read the sidebar. Looks like you lived a sheltered life and don’t understand life’s harsh realities. Read the sidebar and internalize it. If there is someone right now rooting for you it is people in this sub. Don’t trust anybody, her, family members, religious elders or anyone, people will manipulate you for some silly short term goal. Read the sidebar and ask for help.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Okay thanks. On it .

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        So what the fuck should have I done? When I hear " our monogamy isn't working for me " I wanna get to the bottom of it and fix it. Like what- ignore her and go lift while I blast death grips ??

        That sort of situation is unfixable. That's like you saying you want to be Donald Trump. Not "like" Donald Trump-actually Donald Trump. You are not him. He is not you. Your whore ex-wife is not fixable. She may trick you into thinking that she is. You may trick you into thinking she is. But, she isn't.

        BTW, was this the first indication that she would be such a piece of shit whore since you knew her?

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        She started talking about her fantasies of fucking her friends but that's just fantasy. But , there was this one time where she was like almost trying to redefine monogamy as to where people (a couple ) can be monogamous but also have sex with other people and they're still monogamous because they do it together. I was WTF are you talking about , that's not monogamy that's poly. I asked her at that point if she's into monogamy and she was pushed if ask that and was like of course just let me talk out ideas.

        Good what a cray bish

        [–]SelfUnmadeMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        GFTOW.

        It's all already been said by others in this thread. Live and learn.

        [–]zuhbooze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        If you've been in contact with her since she packed, stop. Get a lawyer, finalize the divorce and take back your fucking pride, dignity and self-respect. You cannot change what's happened. Accept life for what it is and move on.

        Many have recommended looking for new pussy. I don't think that's a wise idea. Your sense of self worth is so pitiful that if a woman even considered sleeping with someone with such low self-esteem (you), my money is on you trying to latch on to her like a leech. Your honest best bet is to create and establish a new "you." You have no identity. No purpose. No goals. No mission. Find one.

        And stay the fuck away from people who sympathize your former marriage. They will cloud your vision. Stay focused on you. Stay busy. Lift. SLEEP. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Engulf yourself in your job. Create or join a new social circle. Take a vacation, just you. It'll open your eyes. Read the sidebar. Best of luck.

        [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Jesus. you know it took longer than 6 weeks to find online chad, right?

        As far as your low partner count 18 year old unicorn.... you already got one, look how that worked out for you? PROTIP, it's not about the numbers, it's about holding boundaries. That time you tried to talk her out of a MMF, should have been spent kicking her out of the house. you'd still be where you are today, but you'd have your dignity.

        [–]bickisnotmyname 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Imagine you prepared some delicious custard. You sit down and eat the custard but it tastes like literal dog shit.

        Do you a) continue to believe it’s custard and keep eating it or b) toss that shit out and make a new batch?

        Your ex wife is the custard.

        You put time and effort into the relationship thinking you were making something great. But the ingredients were fucked up and it turned into shit. No good pretending she was great or thinking she’s some unicorn. Toss that shit out. Get on the pussy bandwagon and enjoy a simpler life of hard truths over fairy bullshit.

        [–]ReddJive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You got off lucky. You came to the right place.

        I once thought like you but quickly learned otherwise.

        I could repeat all the mantras we cite here. Give you a kick in the ass, but you came here. You've already seen the worse there is.

        The answer to it all is yes. But you have to do the work.

        Stop wringing your hands and roll up your sleeves.

        [–]Zack9764 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        “I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone else-“ stop right there lol. ive said that probably 10 times and found someone better each time. you learn theres no “perfect girl” just some have more positives than others. and even if there was a perfect girl that chick is far from it. “let me fuck other guys or im leaving” get her far away from you please holy shit she showed her real side now. Together 11 years? Honestly sounds like shes been cheating for a while and now that you two committed she was hoping she wouldnt have to work extra hard and stress about hiding it anymore and could just openly do it now by saying its an open relationship. You dodged the of bullet wasting your life with her.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        I doubt she was cheating ... If so should have just kept the act on and continued. Also the dood she was talking about opening up thing with was in another country ...

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I doubt she was cheating

        This is what makes cuckolds cuckolds. It is the very definition.

        I bet that you also doubted that she'd want an open marriage, didn't you? Were you right, or dead fucking wrong???

        Listen to people here. You don't want to follow your own advice; you want to follow the advice of people who are in better shape than you.

        Good luck.

        BTW, I hope you have nothing more to do with that therapist. Any fucking asshole can tell that your wife was 'sabotaging the relationship.' Not sabotaging: Actively making Total War on it.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [deleted]

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        Meditate on the fact that AWALT?

        [–]brotchscoom 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        It's true. They're all like that. Can't trust these hoes bro. Time to get your squats and DL's up and switch to a gym that actually has barbells

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Ha true

        [–]Datanami 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Cucks get cucked. How did you find this sub? Did you ever applied TRP in your life?

        [–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        First off. Stop trying to find love/a good woman. Will never happen. Women won’t love you the way you want to be loved. Read the side bar then read it again.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        6 weeks might be enough time to annul the marriage depending on location. Divorce her cut contact

        [–]StrongAffordance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I got divorced after a short marriage. At the time it felt like my life ended but in retrospect it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Better now than years later with a few kids.

        [–]Occams_Stubble 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        She did you a favor.

        she wanted to open things was because she felt like our emotional connection was lacking

        The way to emotionally reconnect with you would be for her to sleep with other guys? It was over, she wanted to push you to end it but you didn't have the backbone.

        A bad divorce is better than a bad marriage

        [–]CypressSmallz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Read “Sex at dawn.” Like today.

        [–]empatheticman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You dodged a bullet, and you don't even realize it. Marriage is awful for men. And it gets worse over time. I've been married for 20 years and EVERY married guy I know isn't happy at all. All the hobbies you once loved are slowly squeezed out of you as the cost of being married and kids rises. Over time, you simply become an economic resource to fund HER dreams. The sex dries up, she'll hit the wall around 35 and her looks will be gone. Best to never get married again. Go after YOUR dreams and passions. There is no benefit to being married for men. You'll have far mor sex, money and fun being single. If you really want kids, adopt a kid in need. MGTOW!!

        [–]frogNews 0 points1 point  (6 children)

        Are you going to keep your assets and property? Or going to get them stolen from someone who doesn't love you enough to hurt you to this extent?

        Edit: you may want to call a lawyer to protect your stuff since you are married.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

        She says she wants nothing , just want a leave and get off the mortgage.

        [–]frogNews 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sounds good. Better in writing. Be careful out there!

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        Get her name off of your bank account. Go online and see if she's emptied it yet.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        She took her half already

        [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Have you protected your half? She'll be back, you know...

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        No I haven't, a lot of bills still come out of the joint account. Which she still has access to.

        [–]Solipsistic_guy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        OP, I know some of the words here sound harsh but it’s indeed a bitter pill to swallow. After my first relationship ended with that chick cheating. All she had to say for herself was “women are meant to be loved not understood.”

        That’s all. They are not logical creatures like men. The whole point of TRP is that men are not incomplete without women. Our goal in life is way more valuable than making a family. Women should be treated as a sidequest. A man should create such value in a life that a chick feels privileged to be with him and dreads his absence.

        A relationship is a power game. Thinking that it’s a partnership where two people compromise already gives her the upper hand.

        [–]chim_city 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sorry dude, take some time for yourself to get properly over this. It is going to be a minute.

        Also, get an attorney. Mitigate as much damage as you can.

        [–]Throwawaysteve123456 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        With all due respect, you sound very BPed, but after this experience, I think you've got a chance at reformation.

        [–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Dude stop it. You never had a quality woman at all. You just deluded yourself into thinking she was quality, even thigh I'm very sure that she was giving off bad vibes that you picked up with your intuition. You chose to latch on to this girl because you didn't believe you could do better and you felt lucky to even have a girl. You were operating from a mindset of "this is all I can get or deserve, so I better hold on to it".

        The truth is there BILLIONS of other girls out there, millions you're highly compatible with, thousands who would date you. You just never bothered to think of yourself as a man of value and a prize to be won by women, so you never made an effort to be the object that they desired. You don't work out, you don't groom yourself properly, you don't have care about your appearance and how you dreas, you don't cultivate a high sense of self respect through practicing hobbies that are productive, and you don't exercise your masculine energy to flirt with many girls. You simply believed that who you are is who you are and that you don't need to change and whoever is right for you will fall in your lap.

        Sad to say that tmthis bitch definitely cheated on you while you were together. Your weak behavior encouraged her to. You took her back when she left and showed her that you wouod settle for just about anything that comes your way because you're desperate. The girl never wanted YOU, she just wanted the security and social comfort that a relationship brings. Her eyes were always wandering, looling for a better option, while she was with you. She was like a monkey swinging in the trees, never letting go of a branch until it grabs onto another secure one that will guarantee that it won't fall. You were a tool for her to use.

        Truthfully, it is not your fault. The fault lies in the lies you were led to believe about manhood, women, and intersexual relations that were fed to you by your parents, your community, the media you consume, and the society you grew up in. You were conditioned, just like a civilian recruit gets turned into a warrior by the military, to follow a specific path. You were conditioned to be soft and weak, to "talk things out", to not be bold in your actions, to not put yourself first, to not strengthen your mind and body, to not prepare yourself for the harsh truth that women aren't the sweet and innocent creatures that you were led to believe. You were conditioned, not out of malice, but out of pure self interest by the feminine imperative. Your weakness was created so that women can have a safety in society. When all goes wrong for them, no matter how unqualified they may be at being in a committed relationship, there will always be a guy like you to take them in.

        Take a very good look at your life. Look back tlat all those decisions you've made when it comes to your relationship with her. What was the driving factor behind those decisions? Stuff you've seen in movies, stuff women have told you, stuff weak men have told you, false realities you've built in your mind, and what else? Stuff that your culture led you to believe was "the right thing to do". What is that telling you? That you've been doing shit based on what others have been telling you to be the truth, and not by what you have actually observed to be the truth. Open your eyes and see things for what they are and not for what you want them to be.

        [–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        It’s like extra-super-pussy-cuck day on Reddit today.

        Dude, you’re still romanticizing a woman who married you for convenience, maybe, but was complaining about monogamy. You know what that means? When you “kissed the bride” 6 weeks ago, another guy’s dick was in it the night before. Women who want an open relationship already know the other guy they want and probably already began without your permission.

        No, not my little lovey HSSH. She’s not like that!

        Your emotional connection is lacking, according to her, and the best way to fix that, obviously, is to swallow another man’s jizz. LOL

        And, after all this, you’re worried about finding another girl who “fits the bill?” This girl fits the bill? I don’t think they make enough red pills for you to swallow. Geez.

        [–]HelpsToThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The other guys in Canada , I doubt she was fucking him