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Guys who are in their 30s, 40s and older, what do you regret doing when you were in your 20s? (self.asktrp)

submitted by Cross_De_Lena

Basically tittle says it all.

I'm in my early 20s and looking for some life wisdom from older and wiser.


[–]RandyBumgardner85 125 points126 points  (1 child)

I honestly don't have any regrets as everything I did wrong taught me a valuable lesson that I wouldn't otherwise have learned.

But if I could do it all again I'd do the following things different: Don't spend 6 hours a day playing computer games. Work harder on expanding my business. Don't LTR the first hot chick who opens her legs for me. Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't benefit me. Take up an outdoor hobby. Expand my social circle. Go travelling alone for 6 months in my early 20's. Buy a bigger house as soon as I had the opportunity (this makes good financial sense in the U.K. as prices are always rising)

This is all stuff I have now started doing in my late 20's/early 30's.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

best answer right here

[–]twonomore 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Having LTRs, wasting money on nothing and everything instead of saving/investing, not investing in real state, spending time on dead end friendships, not training hard enough, not keeping my budding company.

Your 20s are your take risks years (for life and fortune) - you can launch a company and live on crackers if necessary. Much harder to do at 30 and 40.

[–]LarryLove 114 points115 points  (41 children)

Drinking so much, what a waste of time

[–]petallotus 12 points13 points  (9 children)

Do you drink at all now?

[–]LarryLove 14 points15 points  (8 children)

Maybe 1-2 drinks per month

[–]petallotus 5 points6 points  (7 children)

Not bad.

[–]LarryLove 4 points5 points  (6 children)

It's just not important to me at all

[–]petallotus 0 points1 point  (5 children)

What’s your favourite drink?

[–]LarryLove 23 points24 points  (2 children)

water

[–]petallotus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

😂 I meant alcohol wise but good answer

[–]Da_master_of_you_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol

[–]GucciGangBucks 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Cherry Grey Goose mixed with Pink Lemonade.

[–]petallotus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good one..

[–]btrpb 10 points11 points  (27 children)

Yep. Spent whole 20s drinking. I've always had a good career and had a good wife (getting divorced now, aged 40), so that didn't really suffer, but drinking so much is a big waste of time. You end up in a group that does it and it's a perpetual cycle.

Since aged 30 I've been on a fitness journey which has opened up avenues to new friends, new hobbies, and just feeling a fuck ton better about yourself.

Now I'm 40 and I'm luckily on good shape, regularly pass myself off as 35. I drink once a week, in social settings. But still, drinking what I did in my twenties; it was fun but it only takes you so far. My old friends, that still drink that much, they are fat, red faced, and will now struggle to get the lifestyle right for a good physique. By 50 they will be a mess. By that age I'll be pretending I'm 40.

[–]petallotus 0 points1 point  (25 children)

Why are you getting divorced if she was a goof wife?

[–]btrpb 2 points3 points  (24 children)

Nothing's perfect. I got caught having an affair. And now I know if I couldnt make it work with her, I won't make it work with anyone. She is a good person. But marriage is a cage and we aren't evolved to live like that.

[–]petallotus 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Honestly what made you have an affair?

[–]btrpb 7 points8 points  (5 children)

My second child. I love my kids but the strain was too much and a woman at work offered herself up to me so I took it.

[–]petallotus 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What about your your wife and you? Did you guys have sex very often?

[–]btrpb 2 points3 points  (3 children)

About once a month but the end.

[–]petallotus 0 points1 point  (2 children)

So you confronted her about the affair? And who decided to leave who first?

[–]btrpb 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I had an affair. She confronted me and left me.

[–]PurpleDrank88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do people define as too much or all the time with respect to drinking? Are we referring to multiple week nights plus the weekend or are we referring to long drinking sessions on the weekends?

I frequently engage in the latter with my friends on Saturdays (sometimes Friday nights). Bar hopping around a major metropolitan area, gaming chicks, etc. is enjoyable. I don't think there's anything wrong with going hard say Friday and Saturday if it doesn't otherwise affect your productivity. Of course, people are right in that the money does add up, but if you can afford it I don't see an issue.

[–]Lizard_Of_Ozz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why is it a waste of time? I spend most of my free time drinking because it makes me happy and it’s fun.

[–]read_if_gay_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well, are you getting any returns from it besides brief happiness?

[–]xSick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you say its better to just drink socially? Thats what I tell myself.

[–]redpillbanana 51 points52 points  (16 children)

  • Trying hard when I should have used smarts instead and playing the game before studying it and mastering the rules
  • Making sacrifices in my career and life for LTRs that didn't work out
  • Buying a house and establishing roots at a time where I should have stayed mobile and moved to areas with opportunity
  • Not realizing the value of my time and trading my time to save what was a trivial amount of money in the end
  • Not establishing firm boundaries in my relationships with family, friends, and LTRs
  • Pursuing my "passion" rather than the next big opportunity
  • Chasing women when I should have been working on myself and my career
  • Not lifting early and often
  • Not prioritizing my health and quality of food
  • Wasting time focusing on things that didn't improve my life such as computer games, comics, audio/video equipment, cars, motorcycles, watching sports, TV, etc
  • Wasting time being a fan/spectator rather than a being person who has fans/spectators
  • Being a consumer rather than a producer
  • Not asking myself, "What could possibly go wrong and how do I mitigate it?" (Risk analysis)
  • Not asking myself, "Should I walk away?"
  • Not asking myself, "What's in this for me?"
  • Not focusing on my circle of influence and having a circle of concern that was too big
  • Not traveling solo earlier and discovering that, yes, the quality of women really varies from country to country
  • Not finding a mentor soon enough

I could keep going but I'll stop here. I realize this long list makes me look bitter but I'm actually quite happy with the way things turned out. There's no avoiding making tons of mistakes in your youth and everyone gains wisdom and perspective with age.

This is where having a trusted mentor really helps as he can guide you and steer you in the right direction. If you study great men in history, you'll notice that most of them had an important mentor.

[–]deimos31415 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I like that point: "Being a fan rather than being a person who has fans"

[–]mcr00sterdota 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Wasting time focusing on things that didn't improve my life

cars, motorcycles,

Care to elaborate, I love cars and bikes and usually spend my Friday/Sat nights going on a cruise with my friends.

[–]redpillbanana 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's fine if you're just having some good fun.

If you spend a large amount of time researching cars/motorcycles and spend a significant portion of your resources on them (and it's not career-related) then it's a waste of time. Wait until you've met some of your life goals first.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]redpillbanana 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    In my experience, mentors find you more than the other way around. Often when an older guy with experience sees a young man who is working hard and has potential, he tends to want to take the young man under his wing and help him out.

    Example: Ronnie Coleman, 8-time Mr. Olympia:

    Ronnie was a police officer with no future in bodybuilding until the owner of a world-renowned gym gave him a free lifetime membership to train there. Obviously the gym owner saw something in Ronnie that he didn't even see in himself.

    The lucky ones have their fathers as mentors. Read Feynman's book where he talks about how his father raised him to see what I mean.

    They can mentor you in any area. Sports/fighting, career, hobbies, game, etc.

    [–]IncognitoMaster91 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You find someone who has mastered or bested something you are just beginning.

    Reach out to them, if they are alive and just tell them you are fascinated by their success and would like to just get advice and tips as you begin where they began.

    I'd suggest reading autobiographies also. Many of my mentors are dead men but their work, and their message were recorded and live on.

    I read as much as I can about them, their problems and their success. More importantly i focus on their philosophy.

    I internalize their quotes and repeat them to myself as if they were saying it directly to me.

    I picture their hard days when I have mine and I realize that everyone had issues, it's how you got over them that mattered.

    [–]RedHeMan 3 points4 points  (5 children)

    What was the best country you visited in terms of quality women?

    [–]Yabadababoobs 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Eastern Europe but especially Poland, they are right mix of slutty and feminine while liuthania and above have cold as fuck women.

    [–]LethalShade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Polish girls are hot as fuck, even not knowing anything about their personality. You just made me book a flight to Poland sometime in the next 10 years.

    [–]redpillbanana 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Go where they still fat-shame women, which is many parts of Asia, Eastern Europe, and parts of the Middle East.

    Stay away from Anglophone countries.

    Stay away from feminist-dominated areas like the Nordic countries and the Anglophone countries.

    Do go to countries demographically skewed towards women.

    [–]RedHeMan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Yeah I'm in the Philippines right now as an American so I really just wanted to know if it was included in your recommended list. So far I've met the loveliest most charming women here who are down with traditional gender roles, and they are quite frankly a breath of fresh air compared to the American cunts I used to put up with.

    [–]redpillbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I've only been to Manila for a week or so. I was impressed with how friendly the women were. Wish I had more time to stick around there.

    It's not the safest place in the world through. There were parts of Manila with crushing poverty. The desperation I saw on their faces was frightening.

    [–]pridebrah 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    yes, the quality of women really varies from country to country

    Mind noting some of the things you noticed about women from country to country?

    [–]redpillbanana 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    I could probably write a book on it, but I'll mention one item: mental health. After traveling to a few countries, I've come to the conclusion that women in the West (and in the US in particular) have a higher rate of mental issues.

    My theory is that they are coddled by their parents and by society from birth so when they become adults, they find that it is harder to get their way and thus are permanently angry at the world. With many women in the USA, I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells. Say the wrong thing and they get "triggered" and have a meltdown.

    In other countries, women are held accountable for their actions and have discipline. As a result they are more pleasant to associate with and are less disappointed with life.

    You probably know that one in four women in the US take antidepressants. I believe this high rate of psych med consumption is both a symptom of high levels of mental illness and also the cause of many issues as well. One small example is that antidepressants are generally known to dampen or completely eliminate libido. Imagine the relationship issues that this might cause. How many dead bedrooms out there are a result of antidepressants?

    [–]LethalShade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Which country's women did you like best?

    [–]peupadormir 32 points33 points  (5 children)

    I married in my 20s and now my future ex wife claims 1000EUR per month plus i pay all college for the kids. On top of that, i realize she was totally less than HB7 , low education, and poor parent. The sex was good, given that I didn't know any better.

    [–]PunkFunk098 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    That sucks but you shouldn't be upset that you're paying for the kids tuition. They're your kids right?

    [–]peupadormir 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Yes, but also hers. Both parents should contribute according to their means. That is not zero.

    [–]vicious_armbar 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    What if one of his kids decides to get a masters degree in puppetry? Should he be required to $50,000 pay for that farce while his wife pays nothing?!

    What if one of his kids signs up for college, doesn't go to class, but instead uses drugs and drinks all day while failing out of college. Refusing to even talk to him; because the mother trashed him for the kids entire childhood. Should he be required to pay for that too?

    Every time the government mandates that you do something they take away your right to self determination. Opening those under that mandate up to outrageous abuses!

    [–]PunkFunk098 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    If those scenarios happened that means op failed in some way as a father.

    [–]vicious_armbar 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Fatherhood isn't a right in the United States. You only get to parent your children if the mother allows it. Fathers only make up 17% of custodial parents. Even when you have primary custody (as I do) the mother can kidnap the child at any time and the police refuse to do anything about it. I haven't seen my son for months now. Cops won't do anything. Her lawyer just keeps stalling by filing motions of continuance. As well as allowing her to make false allegations of abuse and violence. My lawyer tells me that even if I win the most likely result will be that the judge only lectures her.

    Even if I were to agree with your point; and I don't, so what? How does the fact that someone failed as a father justify the above abuses? It's a ridiculous mandate. Enforced with the threat of men with guns dragging away law abiding fathers to lock them in steel cages with murderers and rapists.

    [–]deville05 21 points22 points  (10 children)

    Relationships. Falling in love with everything and everybody except myself. Not getting into working out or sports. Being completely in my head.. basically everything a neurotic personality does. Having fantasies instead of dreams. I lacked fire.. but I was good at everything i tried and they all came very naturally and easily to me. My mind is that good. So I never struggled and if something was a struggle .. I would beat myself down about it and retreat into a shell. couple that with lack of ambition and I never applied my mind and talents to taking it to the next level. I was content with where I was because I had no desire for more so I never felt the need to do it. But there are many reasons for me being that way and it comes down to parenting. But that's another story.

    All that is basically an analysis of procrastination. I didn't enjoy my school or college life. I didn't enjoy or go out or party because I felt I didn't deserve to do that cuz I didn't study or finish my work. So.id stay home to work but never did that. Watched movies and slept and ate. It was very selfish even though I don't have a selfish bone in my body. So I didn't work and get better and neither did I enjoy myself and have a blast. What a waste.

    [–]falecf4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Been there!

    [–]1984Survivor 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    may I ask, how did your parenting make you be that way (0 ambition and the things you describe)?

    Because I am apparently on that same boat and I need to adress the issue before it gets worse. I'm 17 years old.

    [–]F0rward- 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    I can chime in a bit on this, mom was an emotionally neglectful and abusive narcissist, dad was a weak enabler who let her get away with abusing his children. Fucks you up pretty bad, not saying that is what happened to the OP (or you), but I related to his story 100% and that is what happened to me. And maybe you can relate to it.

    I developed C-PTSD because of it, takes time but therapy does help.

    [–]1984Survivor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    thank you for your answer man, i hope you're good

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    You sound exactly like me but I'm only 21.

    [–]deville05 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    You have time kid. Fix yourself now before it's too late. The whole fixing process takes years and takes longer if you only keep thinking about making a change. Start something. Hit the gym. Work on the talent you have and also get working on making money doing it or something else. Just don't stress about anybody else's needs and wants apart from yourself till yr 29. By that I mean people who aren't paying you.. especially girls. Work on yourself. Go on dates n stuff if you want him up .. don't get attached. Our emotions are high and getting attached happens very easily

    [–]ineedabetterme 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    So is it like a 'build discipline' type thing? I have the exact same mindset as you I believe. How did you get past the loop:

    I didn't enjoy or go out or party because I felt I didn't deserve to do that cuz I didn't study or finish my work. So.id stay home to work but never did that. Watched movies and slept and ate.

    I also hold myself back from really enjoying life because I always feel like I should be studying, but instead I go home and goof off on the internet and get nothing done. I've tried countless times to quit goofing off and actually working but it always seems to last only a few days. How did you get past that?

    [–]deville05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    well I dont think its gone away. ive not gone from that to be come a dan bilzeran. But just recognising how much of my college days I didnt enjoy and understanding that it was really just all my fault for being in my head rather than the present made me want to start saying fuck it and going for it. there are things that still intimidate me. .. I'm only just a boy inside. its like diving into a pool. maybe you arent ready to make that 50 foot high jump.. but you can just step into the pool or dive off the edge of it. it wont kill you and if you have the right attitude of trying to enjoy it, you might like it.

    something I read some time ago - anxiety is the fear of the future and depression is the fear of the past. perhaps there is some truth to that because what it clearly implies is that your mind is everywhere except the present and its really just killing you.

    age and keep making small baby steps. there are still things that I need to do that I know I am not doing in order to better myself and I dont even know what is stopping me from doing it. Infact I even feel like the day I start doing it I am going to be looking back and going .. "why didnt I just do this earlier?" . cuz its happened to me many times.

    [–]the_real_lunch_box 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Lifting. As a younger man i would ve so much stronger than now and progress would be faster. Also saving money and not drinking so much

    [–]CND_ThrowAway 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    37 here

    1) Not lifting more and eating right

    2) Not automatically saving a good portion of any salary raise (learn to live within salary you have today & most of your raises become gravy)

    3) Not travelling (backpacking) more before having kids & house.

    4) Limiting my job opportunities closer to my hometown (go work where the best of the best are)

    5) Not seeing the value of some elective courses within my University degrees (comms, philosophy, others). I studied Computer Sciences and Business

    6) Choosing University courses within my degrees based on how “easy” I heard thy were instead of going by the value they would bring and the interests I had.

    7) Picking a university close to home instead of going where they had the best program for the degrees I was going into

    8) Technical knowledge only brings you so far... who you are and how you operate makes all the difference.

    All in all, this is more about advice I would give myself at 19/20. Some of these things I’ve learned for myself later.

    [–]mike2261 30 points31 points  (19 children)

    Take more financial risks and invest in high growth assets

    [–]i_Hate_us 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Why do you regret doing this?

    [–]mike2261 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Sorry could have phrased it better I regret not doing it.

    [–]ChinmayT2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    He is advising OP do so as he didn't.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 1 point2 points  (12 children)

    I'm in my 20s but with my college edu, 2 jobs and part-time programming and 3d modeling job I hardly have any extra money at the end of the month.

    Have any suggestions?

    [–]maximizingnow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Are you budgeting and tracking where your money is flowing.

    Do you have automatic savings set up or a brokerage account set up automatically pulling a fixed amount per month into these accounts for you to invest?

    You have to focus energy and attention on your money if you want to develop wealth over the long term. It takes self discipline and practice but you must track these things and have a plan.

    What are your financial goals and work backwards from there.

    [–]PipingHotSoup 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    Low risk - dollar cost average 5% of your income into the VFINX mutual fund, if your company offers matching 401k contributions put in exactly what they match to.

    High risk- cryptocurrencies. I suggest ethereum and waltoncoin (but I am a supply chain guy) Certain tech stocks you have researched could be okay once you have done your low risk first and have a few k each in savings and emergency funds.

    Always invest in what you know.

    [–]KingHavana 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    What service do you use to trade these cryptocurrencies? Whenever one drops really low, I consider getting in.

    [–]PipingHotSoup 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Binance, and just dollar cost average in don't worry about timing the market. Coinbase is very easy for the big 3 except ripple

    [–]KingHavana 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    don't worry about timing the market

    With cryptocurrencies that's a lot harder than with most stocks because the fluctuations are so enormous. It's tempting for me to get in because of the giant peaks and valleys. Might be a mistake, but tempting.

    [–]Top_Ozone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Buy ethereum on Coinbase. Send it from there to another exchange for the altcoin you're interested in. Coinbase is really the only exchange you can buy cryptos with US dollars, but they don't offer many coins. Almost all other exchanges are crypto-to-crypto.

    As for the other exchanges, I like Binance the most. Kucoin, Bittrex, and Coss.io are other options.

    [–]bob13bob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    you're doing something wrong. eitehr you're not getting enough money for your job, seek career advice with those from a similar skillset. or you have a spending problem. Or, you are correctly strategically taking pay cuts that help you get paid more later with skills gained.

    [–]mike2261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Invest in high growth ETFs. Every time you have 1 or 2k saved up buy some more. Hold for 10+ years don't get scared and sell every time you see a massive price drop. If anything buy more.

    [–]GucciGangBucks 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Do you design websites ? You can find some suckers to pay you 10k + for creating them websites when HTML/CSS is pretty easy. I know some guys who will be paid in that 5k-15k range for websites and they only do it as a signed job after work month project. Not to mention it can be fun and you already know how to program.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Where do you find such clients? I'm programming using csharp in unity - but I'm familiar with HTML and CSS and I know it's not hard.

    My only concern is time consumption and reward ratio. I fill up my time with enough activities as it is, adding one more is risky for me.

    Only if I could find clients relatively fast could change my mind I guess.

    [–]GucciGangBucks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Mostly networking. You’d be surprised how much people want websites. I’d look at newly started companies in your area and offer to manage social media and create websites. Wouldn’t be surprised they’re willing to offer you 1k-15k (This really varies in just how bad they want a site or how much they make) for the site and 500$-2k a month to run the social media. As far as what to look for look for small businesses owners such as bar, insulation company, restaurants, used car dealerships. Shit like that. I know a feel ppl who do that and they always got a side job.

    [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    and? what's the problem? no more high growth assets now?

    [–]mike2261 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    The power of compounding returns work alot better when you start very young.

    [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    oh ok I got your point but there are always some possibilities like was bitcoin...

    [–]wild_deer_man 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    NOT doing nearly enough. Sitting at home thinking about life rather than actually doing things, in every area of life.

    [–]sbh88 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    I regret wasting years not looking after myself. Not lifting. Not learning. Not respecting myself enough to stand up for myself. Not saving money.

    I also regret not spending more time with my sister (she’s gone now).

    I plan on ensuring my kids love and respect themselves and never reach a point so low they try suicide.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'm really sorry about your sister and I'm sure your kids will be fine!

    [–]anonswede 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Sitting home alone playing WoW instead of working/socializing/lifting.

    [–]chachaChad 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    Weed... waste of time

    Also, wished I had eaten right and gotten ripped and learned how to next a female once they become difficult.

    [–]IncognitoMaster91 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Think I'm right there right now. 26 years old and just quitting weed after nearly 10 years of doing it.

    So much time wasted. So much money blown. So much munchies. Smh.

    [–]lepuma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Same.

    [–]LethalShade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    As a skinny guy, the munchies are so good though.

    [–]vicious_armbar 8 points9 points  (4 children)

    Not using a condom and knocking up a crazy bitch who lied to me about using birth control. It was the most destructive decision of my life. Even now 10 years later she's falsely accusing me of all kinds of horrendous shit, and dragging me over the coals by using the legal system.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Fuck man, that's nasty. That's what I am afraid the most, still I'm a idiot I go only raw and always pull... For the last two years (lol)

    [–]vicious_armbar 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    You're playing Russian roulette. Even though she told me she was using birth control I still always pulled out. Until one night when I was about to cum she locked her legs around me at the last minute so I physically couldn't pull out. I left her crazy ass after that but it was too late. My son was born 9 months later.

    [–]philbignig 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    what the fuck

    [–]vicious_armbar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It happens more then you think. Guys don't talk about it because there are no legal repercussions for the woman, and they often get mocked when they tell anyone.

    If the situation was reversed and a man took off his condom during sex, then forcibly held down a women so he could cum inside of her while she was struggling to get away he'd be sitting in a prison cell. And people would justifiably be outraged.

    [–]workingmanrush 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Nothing, there's no point 2nd guessing

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    *"If I could take it all back now I wouldn't

    I would've did more shit that people said that I shouldn't

    -"Drug Ballad", Eminem

    In general, you will regret things that you didn't do.

    Ex. Didn't quit smoking, didn't get in shape, didn't learn another language, didn't learn to play an instrument, didn't travel, didn't take risks.

    You may find this guide handy:

    Life After 30: How to Be an Old Guy

    -You have one life. Here's how to enjoy it.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thanks for the reply and useful link - I'll look into it now.

    [–]_the_shape_ 5 points6 points  (4 children)

    Porn.

    Stay the fuck away from that shit.

    Say "no" once and for all and be done with it.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That's 100% true.

    [–]ineedabetterme 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I'm pretty sure I know why, but what are your reasons for saying this?

    [–]_the_shape_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    It leads to a downward spiral, an appetite that never fully gets fulfilled. It typically turns into a vicious cycle, one in which the addiction keeps growing stronger (and/or never becoming weaker) because it keeps getting fed the very thing it craves, over and over and over.

    [–]xSick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Holy shit man, theres a thing such as a porn addiction that causes ED. Buuut unless you have that its cool. /r/NoFap is pure brainwash.

    [–]PunkSmell 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Not lifting (more), being in LTRs.

    [–]melonsle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I don't regret anything. Every misstep teaches you something.

    For some reason I was obsessed with chasing hard-to-get women when other, beautiful ones were very interested in me. Finally the universe taught me: Go for the interested ones.

    [–]319Skew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Getting married and divorced raped. I started to get my game on point when I hit college. Found a 'unicorn' and married her and spent the next 11 years of my life trying to make it work. Only consolation is the fact that I have a son that I'll teach never to make my mistakes and will do right by. Otherwise, the whole thing would've have been an expensive lesson that I could've done without.

    • Do not marry. There's NO advantage.
    • Save up and build yourself up
    • Travel if you can and do things

    [–]daveofmars 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I regret being a Nice Guy in my 20's. None of my other mistakes compare to that.

    [–]ddin73 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Debt, drink/drugs and video games.

    [–]1atticusfinch1973 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Not getting decent grades in university - at least enough to do post grad if I ever wanted to. It closed a lot of doors that I wished were open in my late 20’s/30’s.

    [–]mcr00sterdota 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did you fail? Or were you just a "A pass is a pass" kind of attitude.

    [–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Marrage

    [–]donedreadpirate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Smoking weed all day. Not lifting (started at 28). Not approaching women (see first two).

    [–]KingHavana 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I stayed in a relationship with an incredible jealous girl for many years. Couldn't see my friends because she'd assume I was secretly out with a girl. Couldn't see my family cause she'd assume they were a cover too. Basically whenever I was out of her sight she thought I was cheating. Ridiculous thing is I was an out of shape guy with no self esteem and never came close to cheating or even talking to other girls during that time. It was all in her head.

    I can't get any of those moments with my friends and family back. I can't get those years of my youth back.

    [–]Fun2badult 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Not working and studying as hard as I should have, stuck to one thing and do it well.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Drinking too much - very expensive, risky and bad for you. Hangovers are unproductive. Wish I would have saved that money and put that time into working out more.

    Being a beta orbiter - yep I did that. Kept trying to win her over and wondered why she kept fucking Chads who didn’t so much as buy her a cup of coffee.

    Not majoring in business. It was my minor but communications turned out to be a very female occupied field. If you have no idea what you want to do with your life major in business and get an MBA if you are able to. You will not be limited to a a certain field and can demand higher pay.

    Spending too much on things that really don’t matter - I always wanted a BMW so saved and bought one. Payments were $600/month and maintenance and repairs were 3 times more than any other car I ever owned. Just buy a nice used car - for cash if you can swing it.

    Getting married - waited until late 20s but still got with the wrong person and lost big in the divorce. I’m not saying don’t ever get married but definitely put that off until later in life.

    Not saving more for retirement - plan on having $1,000,000 or better by 50. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. My little brother was smarter than me and did it by 40. Very possible to do.

    The fact that you’re asking this question tells me you’re smart and care about your future. Just take good notes and do better than many of us.

    [–]Redasshole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    20s is when you have the most energy and health you will ever have

    you have tremendous energy

    most waste it on partying

    I'm not going to tell you what to do, but choose wisely how you spend your time. Partying is good but getting waster 4 days a week..

    [–]blackblack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    don't forget to fuck a lot of chicks man

    [–]InformalCriticism 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Getting married.

    [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    My DivO. she was not attractive, and it didn't get me promoted

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hooyah

    [–]module_process 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Getting fat, not getting a college degree, and putting all my eggs in the what I thought was the unicorn basket (8yr LTR). When that disintegrated, I spent another decade lost. I'm on the tail end of GenX and we were raised and told that if you're sweet, understanding, and hard-working, that you'll be every woman's dream. If only we all knew then...

    30's

    • I spent my 30's busting my tail to catch up to my peers career wise, all while watching people with less skill and work ethic pass me by.
    • Failing with women. Had a few here and there, but nothing to brag about.
    • Drinking myself into oblivion on the weekends and contemplated suicide on a regular basis - no sense of purpose.

    Just turned 40

    • Found this community before it was too late at 38.
    • I was already a debt free homeowner in a low cost of living area of the midwest (Louisville). I was oblivious to how important this is.
    • Lost 60lbs and dropping.
    • Decent career with a modest income. I could still do better if I'd get out of my own way.
    • I'm not killing it with women yet, but I feel like I have a cheat code or two now that I've come across this community. I no longer waste my time accepting orbitfriend-only status. It can get lonely, but at least I feel like I'm back in control of my life.

    [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm glad I discovered trp at 20 years old. This is a gift. Truly is.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]pridebrah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You're never fucked until you're 6 feet under my friend. Ditch that poisonous mindset and tear some shit up.

      [–]cl3537 1 point2 points  (6 children)

      Being a little beta bitch not escalating on dates. Being afraid to let women know I was attracted to them and wanted to have sex. Staying with GFs because I didn't think I would find better.

      [–]tcbabcock 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      It can be hard to escalate when you're afraid she'll say you raped her and end up in prison.

      [–]cl3537 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      Escalating is far more nuanced then pawing some girl. Most of the escalation I was missing was verbal and sexual.

      [–]tcbabcock 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      She can still say you raped her. Even if you look her way. Better to not even be near her.

      [–]cl3537 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      If you are worried about women thinking you are a rapist then you need much more help than this sub.

      [–]TheDers79 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Slacking and not taking life serious or working on my credit

      [–]ratthing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Not saving money. Not pursuing girls because I thought they were out of my league. Not sticking with and getting good at something, anything. Probably the biggest is not serving in the military.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

      [–]NylanDapa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Biggest regret - stressing and obsessing about women and what theyd think of me, instead of working on myself.

      Id give anything to do it again with my current mid 30s mindset

      [–]exscionewhuman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Wasting time. Being too afraid to admit my flaws and accept who I really was and that I hated it and needed to change, now.

      [–]bbm72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      "Taking time off", giving up, self pity

      [–]explorer93 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      Id say if you were healthy enough and curious psychedelics may be an interesting tool for self improvement.

      I'm in my mid 20s and I got into it in my early 20's. It's done so much for me I can't imagine what I would be without it.

      [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Same, I discovered pua 8 years ago, TRP three years ago. My life and especially women wise changed to better a lot.

      [–]jay_jay_man 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      psychedelics

      which ones would you recommend?

      [–]explorer93 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      everyone has a favorite. It's all really personal.

      I like LSD, my good friend prefers shrooms.

      Experiment at low doses. Also make sure you're not genetically inclined to have mental illnesses because it can trigger latent mental illnes.

      [–]jay_jay_man 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Also make sure you're not genetically inclined to have mental illnesses because it can trigger latent mental illnes.

      well shit, my mom has legit schizophrenia. i guess that means i'm genetically inclined. :-/

      [–]WithItOrOnIt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Dude, don't even try it lol

      [–]Dad7025 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Seeking a degree beyond college with the accompanying debt.

      [–]falecf4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Gambling away everything I made and never getting ahead. Now I'm 35 and feel like I'm still just starting life. Oh well, I've learned a lot of stuff over the years. The positive I take out of this is that since I've put myself into shit situations financially for so long I am kind of used to it and therefore not really afraid to go to zero.

      The other thing is that I wish I would have stayed active in martial arts. Once I went to college I just didn't do much activity wise. Thankfully, Tae Kwon Do from my highschool years has helped me be in decent shape all these years. This year I am forcing myself to get back into martial arts, likely BJJ.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Not being focused on my mission 100%.

      I let LTRs distract me from my GPA. I kept a job because of an LTR. I convinced myself that an LTR was part of the mission. I kept LTRs around because of a sense of duty when I probably wasted both of our time.

      I let stupid people slow my mission when I should have stabbed them in the back and put them out their misery. I let other people dictate my career because it was 'fair' or not 'my turn'. I let my enemies survive another day when I could have obliterated them. I lost focus on the mission to try and make nice.

      I lost focus on my mission and it set me back. I got it back on track in my 30's and you can't lament sunk costs, but life certainly may have been easier a few times.

      Find your mission, dedicate your life to it. Don't let anyone get in your way for it.

      [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      ur mission, dedicate your life to it. Don't let anyone

      Thanks. This is the first answer that most resonates with me. My LTR is fucking time consuming as hell. I tend to spend at least 5 hours a day working on my mission but it's still nothing - first or second job combined with college eats my time alive.

      And then my LTR wants to hang out also.

      Fuck her.

      I said that to her, I tell her she can come to my home after 11 PM, because I'm very busy.

      How do you stay focused on your mission now? How do you deal with distractions?

      [–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Does she add more value than she takes? Can you get more value from the time spent with her than without her? I ask this question with everyone in my life.

      You may need to be honest with her and let her go. "I can't be in the relationship they way you need." She can stay or leave then. That's her choice.

      [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Nahh... She's more than a "lts" in that sense. She cooks, cleans, everything. Insist on paying things sometimes, supportive in my career and etc.

      But nevertheless, I can't ignore that LTR's need maintenance, just like a car it can't stay in the garage the whole time and it's time consuming for me.

      p.s. she's from a wealthy family, I can see how I can benefit from this relationship but still - time consuming.

      [–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Figure out who you are and what you're good at. Myers-Briggs is a useful tool for this.

      Build your career immediately and decisively. Think 2-3 years ahead. "If I take this position, and kill it for a year, what's the logical promotion? What's the logical promotion after that?" Figure out if this is a path you want to be on.

      Your career is like a boulder rolling down a hill. The longer it rolls, the more momentum and harder to change its path. But early on, you can bounce around a bit and figure out where you want to go.

      [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      That's true. I have to learn how to time manage, I study economy (mehh) and working two jobs to support myself.

      My third income is trough modeling and programming (video games) freelance contracts -That's what I want to do in my life and build my career.

      [–]dgillz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Alcohol. I developed a bad habit that followed me for 25 years but I am sober now.

      [–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Blaming everything and not watching myself

      [–]BrodinsOats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Drugs

      [–]Kalepsis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Not saving money. If I had been investing since 18 I could be retiring in ten years. Now I need to work probably an extra thirty years to retire comfortably.

      [–]bobbydreddits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Start an IRA.

      [–]bobbydreddits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Also, look at who you hang out with. Don't surround yourself with dead beats. Ask yourself if you do too much for your friends. The idea is to hang out with people that have something going for themselves, or at least have the motivation to make their lives better. It rubs off.

      [–]justicecantakeanap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Don't waste money

      Earn money

      Invest money

      Do not settle for one girl

      Actually enjoy the company of as much girls you can

      I have no regrets, these are just my suggestions

      [–]mrbfs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Don't spend money and put it into the market.

      [–]tcbabcock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm 31 and I regret hanging out with losers, assholes and immature nobodies. They say you are the sum of the five people you hang out with. Might as well hang out with rich alphas if you can.

      [–]duplex78 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Drinking too much, not going to the gym, not starting my own business.

      [–]Forcetobereckonedwit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      University. Go.

      Travel more. Go.

      Think bigger. BIG.

      [–]mrpoopistan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Not tightening my ship up work-wise in my early 20s. I've always been a heavy freelancer (computer programming, analytics, technical writing, and SEO), and the world has somehow always found a way to put a couple bucks in my possession.

      It wasn't until I got into my late 20s that I realized that, regardless of how easily money came to me, I should get the fuck on my hustle. Easily making thousands is dumb when you can push harder and make a lot more.

      I don't truly regret it, because I did spend a lot of my free time just absorbing a fuckton of skills, but a good bit of that was mental masturbation and a total waste in terms of building a financial foundation.

      I'd like to say I regret how dumb i was with women -- I could've been getting laid like it was the end of the world from the time I hit puberty -- but I feel like I had to come around to that with time. There was definitely a girl in a college who loved to play hot-cold, flirty-innocent, and I look back on that and go, "Oh . . . TRP definitely explains that shit, so now I see it." But I don't know how I'd have ever come around to that specific set of revelations without first going through the bullshit. I spent a lot of time pissed off at girls who, in retrospect, I realize were trying to induce me into the chase.

      [–]thefuture_of 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Wait till peak SMV to get in a LTR. So 30 -35. A live in relationship will hamstring your ability to master your craft make money and get in a better position . LTR will likely lower your testosterone level also . I had allot of hedonistic fun but wasted money on partying too much . 20 - 30 is the time to chase scalable opportunities . You won't be able to afford risking time and energy on opportunities in your 30 s . Wifeys don't tolerate weekend long coding binges or taking prospective clients to strip clubs . In your 20 s spin plates . Even just have 1 girlfriend and keep a few interested . Be prepared and good at breaking up . you can just use the reason "your not ready for commitment" and it's true . And your not till your 30 plus .spend your 20 s getting financially and physically sorted to provide . By the time your 30 odd you will be able to get the best wife and more important the best Frame in your relationship. It's hard to demand your missus behaves when she makes more money than you and your chasing your tail financially and professionally esp in today's social environment . Important ! Get a skill that allows you to make above average money in the place you want to live .

      [–]ReddJive -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

      In my 20s?

      Nothing.

      By 23 I was leading 43 men and women whose lives depended on my decisions.

      Responsible for over $70 million in military property.

      I regret nothing.

      [–]Idontlikekarmawhores 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Tell me ur story m8

      [–]thatguywhatshisface 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Thanks for showing us how big your dick is

      [–]Cross_De_Lena[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I'm also interested.

      [–]bob13bob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      probably military. who cares what your'e responsible for, how much net worth do you have?

      [–]FireTempered -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Regrets are a waste of time. Next.

      [–]LarryLove -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Ok do your thing buddy