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plate says I am "manipulative" and "play games" (self.asktrp)

submitted by throwasktrp

One of the plates I'm seeing came over a bit drunk the other night and after we had sex, she said she wanted to "talk". I say okay and then out of nowhere she starts crying saying that I am a "psychopath" and that I am "playing games" and "manipulating" her. She said she talked to her friends about me and they all agree with her. She goes on to say that she's used to being "in control" over the guy and that she feels "powerless" with me. She feels I am consciously trying to control her.

I'm not really doing anything crazy to her besides just being really busy with school, sports, hobbies, the gym, and other plates so I don't have much time for her. I take hours to respond to her messages if I do even respond to them at all. Texting strictly for logistics as well. I never go to her place and she always comes to mine. She's threatened to leave once or twice and I've welcomed her to leave if she wants to. It would make a small difference to me whether or not she is in my life.

My question is why does she think I am manipulating her?

My suspicion is that she (and her friends) believe that I am "faking it" and that my behavior in her presence is incongruous with my behavior while I am not in her presence. I've had girls tell me before that I am "different in person" and I have no clue if that means good or bad (I just treat it as a shit-test).

If this is the case, how do I fix this and become congruent?

If not, why does she think this?


[–]sosexxx92 173 points174 points  (1 child)

Dude this is a sign your doing things right. So whatever you're doing keep doing and don't let her be the one "in control" as she doesn't really want that nor need that. Cheers

[–]2chazthundergut 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Absolutely spot on. By no means take your foot off the gas. Do not relinquish control. You are the man and your happiness is paramount

[–]Phoenixston 117 points118 points  (0 children)

She feels like she’s being manipulated because her female hamster brain can’t rationalize how a man could act in such a way to make her want to continually drop her panties on such a subliminal level. Keep doing what you’re doing.

[–]IronJohnKwando 40 points41 points  (7 children)

I'm not really doing anything crazy to her besides just being really busy with school, sports, hobbies, the gym, and other plates so I don't have much time for her. I take hours to respond to her messages if I do even respond to them at all. Texting strictly for logistics as well. I never go to her place and she always comes to mine. She's threatened to leave once or twice and I've welcomed her to leave if she wants to. It would make a small difference to me whether or not she is in my life.

it sounds like you're doing it right, man. Drop your suspicion or care for why she and her friends think that. Sounds like your own internal judgement of yourself. If it's true that you are incongruent, figure out where these things show up and adjust them accordingly

[–]throwasktrp[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Granted that I am largely unavailable when we aren't together, I think the issue lies in being too available in-person. That's really the only incongruence I can think of. How can I become "unavailable" in person?

[–]IronJohnKwando 6 points7 points  (4 children)

How would being too available show up in person? And is there a part of you that does think you're manipulating her or faking it? If so kill that part and understand that you are allowed to be whoever the fuck you want to be.

I think you're on the right track and you should disregard. This is likely her way of trying to gain control and see if you will bend or go into beta-mode. Don't let it shake you. Don't defend, explain, or rationalize - keep doing your thing. Plates fall and break occasionally.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I guess trying to make her laugh too much and talking too much in general. Being more reserved is something I could work on.

Thank you for the solid advice.

[–]ThinkGrowProsper 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Silence is a virtue. You should be listening 80% of the time. Let her ramble.

[–]badaod 1 point2 points  (1 child)

there might be something.

are you talking about future plans with her?

are you telling her how much more you would like to spend time with her?

Check the podcast by tom torero interviewing the black dragon / caleb jones. (can’t find the link on mobile right now. ). they give a list of no gos.

apart from that: looks like you are doing it right, buddy

[–]throwasktrp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll check it out thanks.

[–]xaffu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would you be? Be yourself and enjoy the way you are. You're doing absolutely fine, don't overthink it

[–]Chad1738 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Who cares. Honestly. If she keeps seeing you and she keeps banging you, you have nothing to worry about. Get what you want and let her act like she wants. HER behavior (crying, calling you names, referencing friends, trying to make you feel guilty) is VERY manipulative since she’s trying to get more commitment from you. Don’t. You are in a good place right now.

Stop caring so much about what she says and watch her actions.

[–]mnsmon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He shouldn't even worry about her not banging and wanting to see him anymore, right? She's just one of a bunch of plates.

[–]Chad1738 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. This is why TRP advocates for having multiple plates. If one doesn’t give you what you want, you just go to one who does. Plenty of women in the world willing to make a high value man happy.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Not only does this girl want to fuck you, I’d also wager that her friends want to as well.

[–]ImQuitingPorn 12 points13 points  (1 child)

This. Thats probably why they recommend leaving him lol

[–]the__aggressor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Fuckin hilarious. Totally true, my God women are devious.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]throwasktrp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this insight. The "talk" I had with her makes a lot more sense now.

[–]Immune2DNP 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Great and spot fucking on comment. I had/have a similar experience with a girl I'm currently seeing.

[–]Incognito_famous -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Giving away your power is unattractive

In terms of resources or?

[–]Tressful 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She thinks you're manipulating her because she's not able to manipulate you. It's as simple as that.

She goes on to say that she's used to being "in control" over the guy and that she feels "powerless" with me.

Proof is in the pudding. I've had a girl start crying crocodile tears and said a lot of the same shit.

[–]zboo1h 27 points28 points  (0 children)

She's feeling that rollercoaster of emotions that girls want to feel. Let her feel it. Let her scream and cry and pound her little fists, don't comfort her. It's bad behavior from her, it doesn't get a reward. Distance yourself. She will overextend herself to make it up to you, then you can reap the rewards.

And let me reiterate: DO NOT "THERE, THERE" HER. DO NOT.

[–]MisterRoid 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you are doing things right. When my main girl says that I'm not nice I take that as a compliment. Being called a "psychopath" sounds like an even better compliment.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is pure Projection. Also her friends haven't said anything nearly so validating to her, but she hoping at least you'll validate her.

Continue to not give a shit what she says.

She feels I am consciously trying to control her.

Projection.

then out of nowhere she starts crying

She's pulling out her ultimate technique: trying to shame you with the good old "waterworks" trick, AKA crocodile tears. In other words, acting like she's a 3 y/o girl.

I am a "psychopath" and that I am "playing games" and "manipulating" her.

HAHHAHHAH! She's not that clever, though. Someone has accused her of these things in the past.

[–]Blackhawk2479 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Just echoing what everyone has said. You’re nailing it dude. A couple of observations:

  • She fucked you, then broke down. This is really good. It only becomes an issue if she breaks down and withholds sex.

  • Girls always groupthink, so her opinion of you will match her friends’ - ignore it.

Keep doing what you’re doing and stop worrying about incongruence.

[–]WoodWizzy87 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yep. Their boyfriends are push overs and think that women control the relationship. She’s talking to them and saying that he doesn’t send sweet texts and he’s never available, yet she’s banging you. She can’t figure you out and is hopeless. You’re different than the guys regularly blowing up her phone.

She can’t control you, therefore you’re dangerous or a asshole. Woman logic....

[–]bigbodybuilderr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sounds like everything is good. Remember WEAR A CONDOM

[–]redbarone 12 points13 points  (1 child)

My question is why does she think I am manipulating her?

Projection.

(And because her stock manipulation tactics are not ....immediately....working on you......at this time.....for now....presently)

[–]sosexxx92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Spot on. Also, her saying all this in a way seems to me like manipulation itself...

[–]Martysteiner 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just want to add one more thing here as an experienced person, she's trying to get some commitment out of you.

Once you give that commitment, she will dump you to ease her ego, because she had done that to her beta friends.

You're an anomaly in her universe, she doesn't like that.

[–]HiredMind 3 points4 points  (1 child)

she's used to being "in control" over the guy and that she feels "powerless" with me. She feels I am consciously trying to control her.

I just have to laugh. She's fine with controlling a man but throws a tantrum when she thinks a guy "controls her".

You refusing to be controlled is NOT the same as you controlling her. In healthy, voluntary human interactions, neither party is "in control". Both sides get something out of it, or they don't interact.

[–]Blackhawk2479 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She's fine with controlling a man but throws a tantrum when she thinks a guy "controls her".

Women are all about double standards. Always have been.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're likely doing everything right and she's shit testing your frame to see if you're truly an alpha now or just a beta male disguised as an alpha.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She thinks that you’re manipulating her, because she’s used to manipulating guys, and it’s not working with you.

Don’t change a single thing that you are doing.

Also, her friends are total cunt rags. They are only agreeing with her because if one man rebels against the hamster, that’s a threat to all hamsters.

This tells you all you need to know:

She goes on to say that she's used to being "in control" over the guy and that she feels "powerless" with me. She feels I am consciously trying to control her.

Translation: ”I can’t control you, so please let me control you.”

Throw that shit back at her, and then tell her to get on her knees and suck your cock.

[–]RPAlternate42 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Poor baby girl.

She's used to beta roll over men... you are providing something different that is new and exciting.

If she's talking about it with her friends and she came over to tell you about, it means you are always on her mind.

Hopefully you DEVI'd her, escalated and smashed.

Meanwhile... stop trying to understand her mind.

[–]throwasktrp[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

what does "DEVI'd" her mean?

[–]sosexxx92 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Domination Emotion Variety Immersion From the the sex god method, I think? Although it'd be kind of a random way to reference it so not sure if he means that ...

[–]throwasktrp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely need to re-read that book. Forgot all about that.

[–]BurnieSlander 3 points4 points  (2 children)

You aren’t validating her like all those betas she dated before, and her hamster’s hamster is hampstering like it’s on crack because she is so used to those pandering beta bitches laying down their pathetic lives for her.

Now she’s dating someone with actual self-respect who doesn’t bow down to her pussy, which makes her realize that her true value isn’t nearly what she thought it was.

Also, she put herself into permanent plate status by complaining to her friends about you. A girl with class doesn’t do that.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The kids still in school. Every women should be a plate at that age.

[–]BurnieSlander 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True

[–]frankreyes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a shit test, like everything else. Keep up doing what you're doing.

[–]Nergaal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a shit test. It's up to you to pass it

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good work! You’ve achieved Chad status in her eyes.

[–]binrobinro 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She goes on to say that she's used to being "in control" over the guy and that she feels "powerless" with me.

Well, here's something new that she can get used to.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Teach me sensei!! Clearly you're doing it right if you're being accused of manipulation but the fact that you don't see this as a victory worries me

[–]StinkyDiaper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Without "playing games," she would've friendzoned you long ago.

She's having sex with you regularly. You're making the right moves, it seems.

[–]RedPilledRoaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ignore.

[–]Zanford 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Congrats. She's really into you.

Your first mistake was saying "okay" when she "needed to talk", you should have begun with a jokey A&A mindset and replied with something stupid like "yeah...I been thinkin that too...we do need to talk" her: "oh my god, what?" you: "let's go to Mars!"

Then when she starts complaining, you A&A "faking it? You're right: I'm a aget MI6; how did you find it?" And so on.

Maybe throw in some comfort game too. Probably via subcommunication and body language rather than explicit words (the latter will seem more like appeasement, and either less genuine or more beta). OR indirect words like midway through her tirade, "You look a little chilly, why don't you throw on a blanket" or "you need a massage" or "this reminds me, been putting in a LOT of hours at the gym, can you gie me a massage while we talk" (Franklin effect and non-apologetic reference to why you limit her time)

Number 1 most important thing is do not let her get any practical confessions out of this behavior (e.g. you promise to spend X nights per week with her), that will teach her that this behavior works, and then you will get more of it.

How did you respond during the incident you're referring to? (One of my pet peevs ibn this sub is lots of stories that end partway like this, where the guy doesn't tell us his reactions so far.)

[–]throwasktrp[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I probably should have A&A'ed but I honestly gave zero fucks so I just let her talk while I was reading something on my computer. She just went on and on and I just sat there and half-listened, looking up every 20-30 seconds for brief eye-contact with her. I said that if she really feels that way, she can leave. She said she wanted to stay so as soon as she said that, I closed my computer, went over to where she was laying, and fucked her.

I don't know that I handled this in the best way, but she's still hitting me up to hang out so I'm good for now.

[–]Zanford 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lmao you handled it amazingly bro. Especially that last part...she says she wants to stay, so you just walk over and fuck her. (If she was laying on your bed this whole time, I guarantee you she as hoping, at least subconsciously, that's how the interaction would end.) I literally LOLed.

You have lots of hand in this relationship and apparently good instincts. So just keep going with your gut here.

I've found BDSM is a shockingly great way to deal with things like this. It makes chicks feel more invested (and makes them feel you are more invested in a non needy way). Basically, whenever a chick is subcommunicating that she really likes me and wants 'more relationship', I parlay that into more/freakier sex or stuff like having her 'roleplay maid' and cook and clean. It establishes dominance, it gives you useful things (sex / chores done) and it lets her play out domestic fantasies in her head and/or feel like she is extremely desired sexually.

In the past when I had chicks give me talks like this, I would basically "give them what they wanted", but in the form of making the 'relationship' more intricate in sexual terms (and use more NLPish erotic language around them) rather than in a more blue-pill-relationship-y terms.

[–]FUCK_YEA_GLITTER 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny, she complains about not having any control, and in typical female fashion doesn't seize it, but instead waits for you to cater to her. Just ignore and be you, you're doing fine. This seems like the emotional bait for you to become exclusive.

[–]jshtx2117 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • She is "Projecting";

  • See "Psychological Projection";

[–]yesbuthereswhy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did the same thing to my wife while we were dating. This was before TRP times but I did have access to a lot of RP books like "The Manual." My wife was daddy's little girl who got everything she wanted. She had older guys constantly try to pick her up. They were doctors, engineers, and other successful business men. They all took her out to great restaurants and fun events but she never hit it off (or so she claimed). They were all very eager to spend every moment with her but I on the other hand had no problem telling her no.

She would be infuriated if I told her that I was busy or with friends and that we could catch up another time. Her girlfriends constantly shit talked me and she told me this usually after I had just got done banging her. She said she didn't know why she couldn't stop coming back to me. To the guy who was 22, lived with his mom and made $470 bucks every two weeks and always went dutch because he was 1) too poor to spend money and 2) wised up from the last woman he spent his money on and got nothing in return.

The simple fact is, you're doing everything right. Women want to be worshiped but they love to be ignored. It drives them madly insane because then they form all these fantasies and before they know it, you are all they think about. Your plate's friends', like my wife's friends', are jealous. They're jealous that they can't find someone they hate to fuck. Keep doing exactly what you're doing. Don't let off the gas because I did when I got married and it nearly ruined my marriage. RP is a way of life forever, if you want to continue having sex with beautiful women and fulfill them. They hate the way we think and act but they can't help but let us fuck them. It's a fucked up world but you either play the game or the game plays you.

[–]Musicgoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a total shit test. She wants to test your manhood. You're doing all the right things. She's used to dating supplicating chumps and little bitch men.

She's hooked and powerless. When women can't control by fear, they go with guilt. Don't buy into her bullshit frame.. Let her cry and think her bullshit. I've had plates threaten to leave or sometimes actually leave when I don't give them control. The thing is. They will come back in a few days or just cry and continue fucking me.

Keep your frame and don't buy into hers. She's trying to guilt you over a bunch of stupid nonsense..